CW: Some abusive language at the beginning of the chapter. Feel free to message if you want more information before reading.
Hi guys! Can y'all believe we're actually at the final chapter? God, I'm feeling so emotional, ha.
Anyway! This is it y'all! The last of TPWP. This chapter is very long, just under 31k words, but I didn't even try and split it up since it's the finale, ha. Might as well be long. (Oh, and there is a small smut scene, but it's like… a paragraph. It starts with the single asterisk and ends with the double asterisk like always, though.)
PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE READING THE CHAPTER!
Ha, sorry for that… but I have a disclaimer, especially for those who were unhappy about Mondo's behavior at the end of last chapter. So… without going into spoilers, Mondo gets pretty, uh… harsh in this chapter. Like… worse than any other time in this story. The content warning is there for a reason, y'all. And I did that for a reason, but I fear that y'all will hate Mondo for it, and I don't really want that. What I ask is that y'all bear with me and keep reading, okay? I promise it gets better.
However, if you find yourself really getting upset with Mondo and you don't want to continue, I ask you to read this thing I wrote and posted on my blog. It goes over why I wrote Mondo like that, and Mondo's internal reason for acting that way. So… yeah.
Anyway! I wanted to take a moment to thank y'all for reading this story and I'm so, so glad y'all liked it. This is prolly my favorite story I've ever written, and I'm glad other people like it too. Now… I will prolly take a bit of a break before posting the sequels and TPWM. I will prolly start posting TPWM before finishing it, since it's taking me so long to write it, oof. I do have plans to finish it, but it may take me a while. Even if I never do finish it, though, I think posting what I do have will help in at least understanding Mondo's headspace a little. I also haven't finished the second sequel yet, but the first one is done, and I'll post an extra chapter here when I post it just as a reminder.
Now, this note is getting super long, so I'll leave it here. Thanks again for reading and commenting, and I hope y'all have a wonderful life! :-D
Enjoy!
Taka stares blankly in the direction Mondo ran off in, his heart, body, and soul completely numb as the last notes of the song echo through the hall, not knowing what to do or what to think. He can feel eyes on him, can hear whispers start around him, knows people saw what had happened and are gossiping about it, but he... he doesn't care. He doesn't care, not one bit, not when his heart is so utterly broken that he doesn't know if he'll ever be able to pick up the pieces and move on from this. He feels more pathetic than he's ever felt before at the thought, which is truly saying something, but he... he just...
/What had he done? God... god, what had he done?!/
The panic hits him, then, the knowledge that things have been broken beyond repair making his eyes water and his breath stutter, such a feeling of absolute /pain and fear and panic/ hitting him all at once. Because... because even if Mondo can forgive him for this, even if Mondo doesn't hate him, doesn't want him to leave his life entirely, he... he doesn't... he isn't...
/He isn't sure if he can forgive Mondo for this/.
And that's the worst part of it all, isn't it? He has spent days and weeks and /months/ doing everything he can to make things work. Telling himself that he is content with what he has, that he could live with the pain of Mondo not wanting him like that if he just... if he was just /there/. With him. Around him. He could deal with it, all of it, if he... if he just had /Mondo/. That Mondo was all he needed. In some capacity. Any capacity.
But... now...
Now, he doesn't know if he can do that. Even if Mondo were to cool off and 'forgive him' for the monumental sin of /loving him/, he... he isn't sure if he could handle it. Could handle knowing that /Mondo knows/, but that he doesn't- that he /can't/- well. He doesn't know if he's strong enough for that. Especially not when— as the seconds drag on, body and mind slow as he watches Mondo flee— he can feel the simmering /rage/ start to build within him. It... it's almost blinding in its intensity, burning him inside.
Because... because /how dare/ Mondo do this to him? /How dare/ he do all of these things, so romantic and sweet and caring? /How dare/ he look at Taka like he is his entire world, like he means more than everything in the universe combined? /How dare/ he request such a perfect song, slow and sweet and /meaningful/, holding Taka so close, closer than Taka has ever allowed anyone before? How... how dare he do that? How dare he do /any of that/?
And... and /not mean anything by it/? And /pretend that it means nothing at all/? And... a-and... and /run from him when he had finally, finally felt brave, for once in his life?/
Just... /how dare he/?
But then... standing here, watching as the one person he gave his entire heart, body, and soul to runs away from him when he needs him the most... watching as his own heart shatters in real time... watching as everything he has ever wanted goes up in flames, the taste of /ashes/ thick and disgusting on his tongue... he realizes he can't let it end here. He can't let it all fall this way. Things... things are already /ruined/, no matter what. Whether by his hands or Mondo's, nothing will ever be the same again. The fire has been started; he can't stop it now. The dream has ended and cold reality has rushed back in. This is the price he has to pay for the joy and happiness and /pleasure/ he's gotten from Mondo for so long now. And he... he cannot /fix this/. Not... not alone. He /needs/ Mondo to put some effort into this. He needs Mondo to /try/, as hard as Taka is trying. And... and in order to do that...
He needs Mondo there to have this conversation that they /need/ to have.
And they do. Need to have it. And /now/. This cannot be put off any longer. He can't let Mondo cool off, can't let him put his walls back up. He... /god/, he can't let this sit and spend the rest of his life knowing that it was he who had ruined things, not without even trying to fix it. He can't spend the rest of his life regretting this one moment, this one decision, hating himself for something he'd finally been /so sure of/, only to learn he didn't know anything. Not anything at all, really.
It's as Mondo finally reaches the entrance of the gym, his white coat disappearing from view at long last that Taka is finally drawn from his numbed stupor, his heart /bleeding/ with the pain that wants to choke him, devour him entirely. But... but he can't do that. Can't let this /end this way/. Can't... he can't... he just /can't/. He /refuses/.
And so— not even noticing the numerous wide-eyed stares and the soft whispers and murmurs anymore— Taka finds himself moving before he can fully understand his motive, or what he wants to do next. His eyes are firmly on the open gym doors, heart racing, breath shaking, mind blank. He forces his legs to keep moving, fast but not too fast, the shaking things barely holding his weight as they long to collapse and send him to the ground in a puddle of self-loathing and misery, but he /can't/, he needs answers, he /deserves answers/, and he will get those answers /right the fuck now/.
He reaches the door before he can even blink, hands shaking as he looks around the trophy room, not seeing Mondo at all. Not letting it deter him, he quickly rushes through the room, mind empty of all thoughts, all feelings except /pain/, needing to find Mondo, /needing/ to find Mondo, /needing to find Mondo, god, he needs to find him, needs to fix this, needs to break it further, needs to press the knife deeper into his heart so the break will be as messy and painful as possible, needs it to hurt, needs it to bleed, needs it to ache, like he deserves/-
It takes him no time at all to reach the entrance to the trophy room, eyes like lasers as they dart around the hallway that is still so full of students. At first, he can't see Mondo, his heart bleeding worse and worse with each second that passes, eyes frantic and pained. If he had the presence of mind to wonder it, he'd wonder what the students around him think of him like this; so debased and low he surely would be ashamed of himself if he was even aware of who he currently was. As it stands, his entire limited brain capacity is focused solely on /finding Mondo/, the other students not even registering on his radar, really. He stands in place, heart pounding, eyes darting around for several wasted seconds, searching, searching, searching, when- /there./ There, there, he's /right there, running, running, running, his coat billowing behind him as he pushes students aside, not caring about their shouts of protest./
Taka feels his legs move immediately, shaking again as he takes several long strides forward, his comparatively long legs working in his favor as he strides towards the distant figure of the person who has /broken his heart, yet again/. It really is amazing how often this one person can break him into teeny, tiny little pieces, isn't it? God...
However... however, no matter how fast he strides— not able to run since he is /still on school property/— he makes no ground, Mondo too fast and with no qualms about running and pushing and shoving to get what he wants. Which— quite clearly— is to /get away from Taka/. But Taka... Taka /refuses to let him/. And so... he resigns himself to /breaking a rule/, taking a huge breath as he opens his mouth to /yell in the halls/.
"M-MONDO! S-STOP!" Taka cries, voice wavering and broken sounding, knowing it sounds pathetic but /not caring/. Not caring at all, not when his words have the opposite effect and he can see Mondo /running faster/, not even deigning to look back as he continues his desperate escape. And Taka... Taka /can't let him get away, not now, can't let things end like this, he refuses, he refuses/-
And so. And so. And /so/, Taka breaks another rule, one he's never broken before, but must now, /must now/, or else this all will have been for naught, and Taka will be /alone again/, and he can't be alone, he can't, he /can't, god, please, he can't/.
And so, Taka...
Taka runs.
Taka runs.
Taka /runs, and he runs, and he runs/, faster than he has ever run before. He dodges students, dodges booths, lithe and agile as he begins his desperate pursuit. Mondo is fast, so very, very fast, but he has nothing on Taka, not when Taka is running as fast and as desperately as he possibly can, like he currently is, and he can see the distance between them vanishing, can see himself getting closer and closer and closer. He has no idea where they are going, has no idea what Mondo is planning on doing, but he doesn't /care/. He has to catch him. He- he just... he /has to/. He /must/. God... god, he /must/, please...
Taka can hear people crying out at him, can hear the sound of his friends calling to him, sounding distressed, but they don't matter, they don't matter, only Mondo matters. Only Mondo matters.
/Only Mondo matters/.
He can see Mondo doing his best to evade Taka, the biker darting between booths and groups of students, trying to use them to throw Taka off, not caring what he ruins in his frantic flight. But... but Taka is leaner than Mondo, has a narrow and slender build, and as such, such tactics only work in Taka's favor, Mondo slowing down when he tries to squeeze between something that a teen of his size can't reasonably fit through, but a teen of Taka's size can fit through relatively quickly.
As such, it's not long before Taka is almost at Mondo, the biker still trying to run full tilt from him, but his body betraying him, not used to such a sprint, not like Taka's is.
It's as Mondo is just about at the front entrance of the school, running for it with everything he has in him that Taka finally, finally, /finally/ catches up, his hand wrapping tightly around a large and overly muscular bicep, his fingers digging harshly into white leather, not caring if he's hurting the biker or if he's ruining the coat. He just can't let Mondo /escape from him/. Not now. Not now. /Not now/.
He can feel Mondo try to yank away from him, almost ripping Taka's shoulder from his socket with the force, but he refuses to let go. He just digs in deeper, ignoring the hiss of pain Mondo gives, /not caring/, just needing Mondo to /stop being such an utter jackass, god/-
"Let me the fuck go! Let me go you motherfucking cock sucker!" Mondo roars on the top of his lungs, not caring about the scene is he making, not caring that every eye in the hall is on them now, watching with wide eyes as the most repressed and anally retentive hall monitor Hope's Peak has ever seen clings so desperately to Japan's most notorious biker gang leader. If Taka could feel anything other than icy pain and burning anger, he probably would appreciate the irony of the situation. As it stands, he can barely /see/ through the anger and pain and /rage/ that he feels, not even noticing the other students with how far gone he is.
"Would you /stop fighting me/?! We have to talk, Mondo Owada! You owe me that much!" Taka yells back, his arm seriously starting to hurt with how Mondo is thrashing around, but he doesn't care, doesn't care, /doesn't care/, god, he just doesn't /care/. No amount of physical pain could be worse than what he currently feels inside of him right now.
"Bull fucking shit! I don't owe you one single, goddamn, motherfucking thing, you goddamn /fucking/ son of a bitch! Now let the /fuck/ go of me before I fucking beat your fucking brains in! Let me the fuck go!"
The words are accompanied by more thrashing, more pulling, but Taka doesn't listen. Instead, he takes his other arm and grabs Mondo with that, too, holding him tighter with each thrash.
"Like hell I will! And yes, you do! You owe me a-an explanation, y-you- y-you /jerk!/ Y-you can't- you can't just /run from me/, n-not... n-not /now/! N-not... n-not after..."
Taka's voice breaks on the words, his breathing heavy and painful, and not because of the frantic running he'd just done. He can see the deadly glare Mondo is giving him as his fervent bid for freedom increases by a tenfold, like a wolf caught in a bear trap, like a butterfly trapped in a spider's web, desperate and frantic and frenzied and Taka wishes that he would. Just. Stop. Fighting. Him.
"No! Fuck you, get the fuck away from me! I don't want /shit/ ta do with you, don't have a goddamn thing ta talk about, /get the hell away from me or I swear I'll fucking tear your fucking head from your fucking shoulders, you absolute goddamn piece of shit-/!"
"Would you stop /fucking fighting me,/ you absolute /goddamn asshole/?!" Taka shouts at last, interrupting Mondo without care, his mind in too much pain for him to even notice the words he'd used, let alone feel ashamed of it. He can distantly hear loud gasps echo around the hall, murmurs starting immediately, but he barely even registers it, his entire being focused on the teen in front of him, not having nearly enough brain power to notice literally anything else. Not a single, /goddamn/ thing.
His chest is heaving, his shoulders aching, his mind numb and pained, and he watches as Mondo goes unnaturally still, his eyes wide as he heaves breaths like a man drowning, body shaking like a newborn fawn. He looks like he wants to be anywhere other than here, but he does what Taka had /commanded/ and stops fighting. His body is impossibly stiff and rigid, feeling more like a marble statue than a human being, but at least he isn't thrashing anymore, /thank fuck/.
"If you're finally /done/, we should go somewhere private to /talk about this/, like adults, man to man. Not running away /like a coward/," Taka hisses, voice aching from the yelling, but he still doesn't care. He can see the rage flaring bright in Mondo's eyes, can see him snarl with pure rage, but he doesn't try and take a swing.
Instead, he... he yanks one arm away and quickly grabs Taka's arm, /dragging him away/ through the crowd of people who are /all staring at them, jumping out of the way as they rush past/, grip bruising on his arm. Taka is still holding one of Mondo's shoulders and so their gait is awkward and clumsy, but they still move quick through the halls. Part of Taka wants to pull away, wants to hold his ground, but he can tell Mondo isn't trying to escape this time, so he follows the punishing march with great reluctance, hoping this will be /over with soon/, not sure how much more of this he can take, really. He's not even sure what /this/ is referring to, to tell the truth. Just... all of it, really. All of /fucking/ it...
Taka doesn't know where they are going, just follows Mondo blindly like the whipped dog he is, body shaking and heart hurting so very, very badly. He finally begins to realize where Mondo is taking him when he sees the familiar sight of the boy's bathroom, Mondo marching them over towards it with great purpose.
"If anyone is fucking in here, get the fuck out right the fuck now!" Mondo barks into the room as soon as the door is open, eyes sharp as he looks around the few stalls. When— after a few moments— no one comes scampering out, Mondo pulls Taka into the room and locks the door swiftly. And then... then, Taka is being slammed into the wall, an angry and irate biker glaring down at him, back and arms aching from the force. And, despite everything, it's almost funny. Taka can distinctly think of a scenario in which this exact same position would make him feel very, very /excited/, not absolutely furious. But thoughts like that make him want to /die/, so he promptly pushes it away.
"Where the /fuck/ do you get off, sayin' /shit/ like that ta me, huh?! Who the fuck told ya that ya could say anythin' like any a' that, ta fuckin' /me/?! Do you fuckin' know who the fuck I am?!" Mondo screams in his face, pulling Taka back to reality, spit practically flying as the biker does his best to intimidate Taka. But Taka... Taka is far too gone to feel as stupid an emotion as /fear/. So, instead, he does probably the stupidest thing he could do in such a situation.
He laughs.
"Oh! Do I /fucking/ know who you are?! Yes! Yes, I very much do, Mondo /fucking/ Owada! I know /exactly/ who you are! You are a liar, and a cheat, and a no good, rotten /criminal/!"
Mondo snarls at his words, pressing him further to the wall, so hard Taka wants to cry at the pain, but he doesn't, he doesn't, he /can't/, so he just glares with everything he has in him.
"Oh, you fuckin' asshole! Sayin' shit like that ta me! Should fuckin' /kill you/, teach ya a fuckin' lesson you won't fuckin' ferget! How /fuckin'/ dare ya say this goddamn /shit/ ta me?! Fuck you!"
Taka lets out another laugh, because it's either laugh or cry, and he /can't cry/, so laugh it is.
"Oh! How rich! How dare /I/?! How dare you! You- you and your- y-your... your /not-a-date date/! T-taking m-me around the festival, h-holding m-my hand, l-looking at me l-like I- l-like I am... am something /precious/. S-something... something of /value/. H-how dare /you/- y-you do all of t-that w-when... w-when you /didn't mean it/, how... h-how /dare you/-"
"Oh, so just 'cuz I fuckin' wanted ta make sure ya had a nice fuckin' time means I gotta fuckin' /be in love with you/?! Grow the /fuck up/, Ishimaru! We ain't in the goddamn 1950's anymore! Can do fuckin' shit like that without it meanin' a /goddamn thing/!" Mondo interrupts harshly, cutting deep into the pathetic remains of Taka's heart. Oh. Oh. Oh. He... he hadn't even known he had enough heart left to be hurt like this. He... h-he...
He can feel the tears rising even more at the overly harsh words, but he pushes them back, back, /back/, and contents himself to glare at Mondo, his entire body aching with the pain.
"I never- n-never asked you to- t-to /love me/! I never- never asked for a single, /goddamn/ t-thing from you! I just- I j-just... I just wanted to /say it/! F-for once! T-to tell you... t-to /know/... h-how /you/... a-and I guess I do. Know. I... I- I..."
"Yeah. Yeah, guess you /do/ fucking know, huh? 'Cuz I /don't fucking love you/, Ishimaru. How the fuck could I /ever/ fucking love a fussy little /Hall Monitor/ like you? H-how could I... y-you ain't my fucking type, 've never... never even looked twice at someone like you before, so why... why the fuck would I... w-why..."
Mondo words are low this time, dangerously low, and that... that is what finally breaks Taka. That is what causes the tears to finally spill over, his breath hitching and painful as the tears fall hot and angry down his face, everything in him simultaneously on fire and frozen and aching and screaming, and he just... h-he /just/...
"Oh, and now you're fucking /crying/! God /fucking/ dammit, Ishimaru! Why the fuck do you gotta do this shit, every /fucking/ time?! Jesus Christ, you're so fucking /pathetic/, crying like a goddamn infant over every fucking thing! How the fuck could I ever love a pathetic piece of shit like you?!"
Taka lets out another desperate sob at the words, trying to pull away, but unable to with how harshly Mondo is holding him. He turns his face away, pressing his cheek against the bathroom wall, not caring about germs or anything, just trying to get as far away from /Mondo/ as possible, god...
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Taka finds himself gasping, almost like a prayer, words coming out without him meaning them to. "I'm sorry I'm so pathetic. I'm sorry I'm so fussy. I'm sorry I'm not /good enough/. I'm s-sorry- I'm sorry I'm so /unlovable/. I'm sorry I'm such a /burden/. I- I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I- I'm sorry I'm /still alive/, I'm sorry... I- I'm /sorry/..."
He hears Mondo take in a harsh breath, and it's too much for him. He closes his eyes, breath hitching, body shaking horribly, tears streaming down his face without his consent. He truly does ruin everything, doesn't he? He truly isn't allowed to have nice things. Isn't allowed to have /anything/. He... h-he...
"N-no... n-no, don't say shit like that, K-Ki... T-Taka... don't fucking... g-god, what the fuck am I... am I /doing,/ I... what the fuck am I /saying/?! I... T-Taka... shit," he hears Mondo curse, the bruising grip relaxing for reasons Taka can't possibly fathom, but he doesn't even care. He just stays where he is, shaking and crying and /sobbing/ like the pathetic /child/ he is, and he... h-he...
"I- I didn't fucking mean it. K-Ki... I... I didn't fucking mean /any of it/, god... why- why the fuck do I do shit like this, I... I'm so fucking sorry, Kiyo... T-Taka, I... s-shit... I didn't mean it... didn't... didn't fucking mean it..."
Taka can hear the words Mondo is saying, can hear them loud and clear, but he can't even begin to comprehend them. He... he just...
"I'm sorry," he repeats, because he doesn't know what else to say, because maybe if he says it often enough, this all will just be fixed and he won't have to feel this pain anymore. Maybe... m-maybe...
"D-don't... you... you didn't fucking do anything, god, Ki, I... s-shit... why the fuck did you have to go and say that shit ta me? Things were /fine/ before you... y-you told me... w-why did you have to fucking kiss me? God, Kiyo, I... I- I... g-goddamnit..."
Taka lets out another sob, squeezing his eyes shut tighter, shaking his head, in so much pain he doesn't even know what to do. Everything... everything /hurts/ and he can't make this better and he /doesn't know what the fuck to do/.
"I'm sorry... I- I'm sorry... I- I'm so, so sorry... I... I..."
It's like a mantra. A prayer. Words he says to try and makes things better, knowing that he can't, he can't, he /can't/. He's not good enough, not strong enough. He can't fix this, has no hope of ever fixing this, god, why... why can't he just /fix this/, please? If he could turn back time, he would, he would, he'd stop himself from saying such a stupid thing, from /doing/ such a stupid thing, he... he would... he /would/...
Taka is jolted from his thoughts when he feels a warm pressure lean against his chest, his eyebrows furrowing even as his eyes remain closed. What...
The pressure remains, and it starts to shake, and Taka... Taka opens his eyes, looks down, and he... he sees...
Mondo... shaking furiously... leaning his forehead against Taka's chest, arms lowering to his hips to touch him softly... and he... Taka, h-he...
"Don't... don't apologize, please Kiyo, /please/... y'ain't done nothing, not a goddamn thing, I... I fucking... I'm so fucking sorry, baby. I... g-god... /god/..."
Taka gasps at the soft words, not sure what to do, what to think. He... he... he's never seen Mondo like this, he... he never...
And then Mondo is pulling back. Entirely. Completely. He can see the pain for a split second in the biker's eyes, which are shining suspiciously, before they shutter entirely, his face a steel mask once more. It cuts Taka deeply, but he doesn't let himself cry anymore. He... he just looks away and takes several deep, deep breaths. He lifts his shaking hands and wipes his face clean, clearing it of the tears and snot that had fallen during his desperate sobbing.
It takes him a couple minutes— spent in absolute silence except for the sound of heavy breathing— before he feels strong enough to look at Mondo again, heart aching so fiercely it's not even funny, but not crying. Not anymore. Not again.
"So. What... what happens now?" he asks dully, tone as emotionless as can be. He watches with dispassionate eyes as Mondo shrugs jerkingly, eyes resolutely on the ground, bitter grimace on his lips.
"Shit, think I fucking know?! Ain't got a fucking goddamn clue. Not... not a single fucking clue..."
Right. Of course. That... that makes /sense/. Because... because why would Mondo want to /fix this/? He's a biker. A criminal. All... all he knows how to do is /destroy/. Why would he know how to fix something that is broken so utterly? Why would he even want to try?
Taka looks away, dispassionate, and shrugs numbly.
"Okay. Okay. Okay," he states, for lack of anything better to say. And then he... then he stops, no idea where to go next. No idea what to /say/ next. No idea what option would be best. If there even is a best option available to him.
And... and part of him wants to leave now. To storm away and just... let this die already. They've said all they've had to say, and it's /over now/. Taka made it perfectly clear how he feels, Mondo made it perfectly clear how /he feels/, and now... now things are /broken/, with no hope of fixing any of it, and what do you do with things that are broken beyond repair? You /throw them away/, like the worthless garbage they are. You toss them in the trash and start over. Start anew. Broken and aching and bleeding, you somehow... somehow start anew.
This is what Taka should do. This is what Taka /should do/. This is /what Taka should do/. And it's what Taka /would do/, but...
But...
But he /can't/. He can't, he can't, he /can't/. He can't let things end this way. He can't walk away from this when there's still so much left unsaid. He... he /can't/ let Mondo destroy this, destroy /them/, without even getting an explanation as for /why/. Why Mondo acted like he was in love with him when he /wasn't/. Why Mondo looked at him so sweetly when he /didn't mean it/. Why... any of it. Why... all of it. He deserves to know. He /deserves to know/. And... and so...
And so, Taka doesn't leave. Taka... Taka lifts up his chin, and he /glares/, for all that he is worth, the simmering anger within him flaring bright and dangerous once again. And he... he /speaks/.
"Well. I will tell you what we will do. We will leave this disgusting bathroom. We will head to /your/ room. And we will have a /discussion/ about all of this, like adults. Do you understand me?"
The words are spoken lowly, quietly, but with force. They sound dangerous, deadly, but he doesn't care. He is suddenly so angry, so very, very angry, and he... he can't make it stop. He wants to /know/, but he also /doesn't want to know/, and he... h-he... he has to pretend that he's /okay/. That he /can do this/. That he is /able to do this/.
Fake it until you make it, right?
He doesn't stop his glare, not even when he sees Mondo jerk his eyes over to him, a simmering anger rising in them once again. Well. So much for him being 'sorry' about all of this, right? Aha...
"Oh, we fucking will, will we?" Mondo snarls, hands clenching into fists, the anger steadily starting to rise again, Mondo wanting to be /intimidating/. Well. That only works on people who can feel fear.
Taka can't. Not now. Not... not /now/.
"Yes," Taka spits, eyes on fire. "We /will/."
They enter into a glare off, then, both teens equally as stubborn, but Taka has more to lose here, so much more, so he refuses to give up. And then... finally, after several long moments...
"Fuckin'... /fine/, you goddamn piece a' /shit/. Fuckin' /fine/," the biker spits out, eyes on fire, but before Taka can reply, Mondo is turning and storming over to the bathroom door, unlocking it with an angry flick of his wrist. Taka stares after him in shock for a split second, before jolting into action when he sees Mondo exit the room, knowing he can't let the biker out of his sight for a single, solitary second. He just... he /can't/.
Catching up easily to the biker's bruising pace, they storm the halls together, ignoring the stares and whispers that echo around them as they pass. The students wisely create a wide breadth for them, scrambling out of their way as they pass by, not wanting to be caught up in their war path. Taka would feel bad about that, but honestly... good. That's one less thing to worry about.
Taka says nothing as they stalk along, Mondo doing similar, bodies stiff as boards and faces hard as stone. If he were capable of thinking anything, Taka would think that they likely make a highly intimidating pair as they storm through the halls, as serious and deadly as they both look.
But, considering how much /pain/ and /rage/ he currently feels, he doesn't even have the presence of mind to think anything, let alone a stupid thing like /that/.
Fortunately— or not— it doesn't take them long at all to reach /Mondo's/ room, the biker angrily taking out his key card and opening the door with a soft growl, entering without a backwards glance. Taka strides forward before the door can close, pushing his way inside the painfully familiar room, everything churning and burning and raging inside him. He... he... god. He's not built for such furious emotions, he hates it, he /hates it/, but he can't make it stop, can't stop the fire as it rages, can't do /anything/, really. Anything other than breathe heavily as he enters the room, eyes burning, watching Mondo as he storms over to the bed, the biker taking an angry seat on the plush material. He can see the way Mondo is glaring at him, can see the fire and the anger, but he feels strangely detached from it all. Like... like he's not even present right now. Like he's floating above this, watching in horror as his entire life crashes down around him, unable to do anything more than watch as his body contributes to the destruction unwillingly. He wants to stop. Wants to end this, to make it better, to let the fire burn out, but he... he /can't/, god he /can't/.
How... h-how /pathetic/...
Silence descends around them as they glare, Taka standing and Mondo sitting, until it finally gets too much for him. And so, despite not having a single clue as to what to say, how to start this conversation that /they need to have/... Taka /speaks/.
"So. Is this... is this how it's going to be, then? You... y-you're going to just... what, leave me like this? How funny. I... I thought you didn't break promises, Mondo. I thought you weren't a /liar/," Taka finds himself hissing, not even sure why, his chest aching as he stares at the biker before him, hands shaking when he sees the teen look up, eyes wide with hurt, before narrowing with the all too familiar rage.
"What the fuck did you just call me? A liar? I ain't no /fucking/ liar, you goddamn, motherfucking... shit, fuck you! Fuck you to hell! 'Cuz I ain't the one who is fucking /leaving/, shit! It ain't me who... w-who..."
Taka cuts Mondo off, the overly bitter laugh punching out of him without his consent, but he can't find it in him to care about it overly much. Not when he feels so, so angry. Not when the ice inside of him is starting to fully engulf him, causing him to freeze from the inside out. He cares about nothing at all as he glares at the boy sitting on the bed, hands shaking so horribly he doesn't know if he'll ever get them to stop. If he even wants to.
"Oh? Oh, really, /Owada-kun/? You're not the one who is leaving? Forgive me. I must have imagined you running away from me when I confessed my feelings, looking so utterly /disgusted/ it's not even funny. How silly of me, thinking that /you/ were the one running like a /coward/ from /me/! My mistake! Silly me! Silly, foolish little Kiyotaka, so utterly naive a-and /foolish/, so utterly /stupid/, t-thinking that he... t-that /I/... that I could ever possibly /deserve/ something like... like this, something... something nice, something... b-but clearly, I must be /mistaken/! I always am, aren't I?"
His words punch out of him in desperate gasps, the bitterness and anger in them so uncharacteristic for him that he'd be terrified if he could feel anything other than the frozen ice that has filled his heart. He hurts so, so bad, and he just... he can't... he doesn't know how...
And then there is Mondo, the biker snarling as he stands, glaring down at him, teeth bared, looking so utterly enraged that Taka should be afraid of what the biker might do to him, as angry as he looks. Should be.
He isn't.
"Oh, so now it's fucking all about you again, huh?! Like fucking always! What the fuck did ya think was gonna happen, saying that shit ta me?! What, that we'd just- just fucking... ride off inta the fucking sunset together?! Ha! Yer fucking /delusional/ if ya think that would ever /fucking/ happen! Y'ain't... y'ain't got no fucking clue who the fuck I am! Don't even know the fucking /shit/ I've done! God /fucking/ dammit, Kiyo, how fucking dare ya say this absolute /shit/ ta me, when ya've got no fucking clue who the fuck I am?! You-"
Taka cuts Mondo off again, another laugh punching out of him, high pitched and /wrong/, but he can't help it. Because... because that's the most /ridiculous nonsense/ he has ever heard! Him, not know Mondo?! Ha! He knows Mondo better than he knows himself! He... h-he...
"Ha! Hahaha! Haha! How utterly /funny, kyoudai/! Me, not know you?! After spending almost every waking moment with you for the past couple of months?! After holding you, you holding me, letting you see into the heart of me?! After everything we have shared, everything I have given you so freely?! I don't /know you/?! Ha! How utterly /ridiculous/, my /dearest kyoudai/! I /know you/, Mondo Owada! I know you /perfectly/ well! You are- a-are /insecure/, a-and /volatile/, a-and /foul-tempered/ and even more /foulmouthed/, a-and... and you are crude, and you are crass, and y-you are /messy/, and you can be so /heartless, so utterly heartless/, god!"
Taka breaks off in a gasp, tears filling his eyes again, tears he doesn't want to let spill but- but trying to stop them is like trying to stop that /damn waterfall/, so all he can hope to do is try to delay it until this is all over. Until there is nothing left but /ashes, ashes, we all fall down/.
But then he can see the pain on Mondo's face, the heartbreak, and he... he just /can't/, he can't, not even with how much pain he is in, he cannot bear the sight of /Mondo in pain/, so he finds himself smiling, heartbreaking and weak, but there. And he laughs, breathy and shaky and barely audible, but also still there, nonetheless.
"A-and... and you are /wonderful/. And you are /kind/. And you are the /most caring person I have ever met/. And you /love/, so deeply, so brightly, so... so /utterly and completely/. And you... you protect those you care about, you put their needs above your own, even if it makes you hurt inside. You do everything you can to /protect/ those who need protection, even turning yourself into a blunt weapon, using your fists and your hands to create the /fairness/ that you find lacking in the world. And you... you are /incredible,/ so utterly /incredible/, so much so it amazes me, because you are... y-you are... you are /amazing,/ and /wonderful/ and /stupendous/, and other words that do not come even halfway close to describing how much you mean to me! You... y-you..."
"No," he hears Mondo gasp, making him drag his eyes back to the biker, who is deathly pale, head shaking frantically, desperately. His hair is in shambles, the beautiful braids half undone and tangled, looking like such a mess, such a disaster, and yet he is still so /utterly beautiful/ that Taka cannot catch his breath, not for several long, long moments.
Breathing gets even harder when Mondo continues talking, the biker's words stabbing him through the heart, over and over, repeatedly, not stopping, not ceasing, not even for a second. Not even... not even for...
"No, you're fucking... you're fucking /wrong/, Kiyo, s-shit! I ain't any a' those fucking things, not those good ones! Those first ones, yeah, that I fucking am! I'm fucking crude, and volatile, and easy ta fucking rile, and /cruel/, and /harsh/, and /a fucking monster/, Jesus fucking Christ! /That/ is what I am, Kiyo! Not... not that other fucking stuff! All a' that is just... just a fucking /lie/! A fucking /trick/! I fucking /lied ta ya,/ Kiyo, 'cuz I guess I am a fucking liar! I've been lying ta ya this entire goddamn time, clearly, if ya think any a' that fucking shit is fucking true! I'm not- I'm fucking /not/ kind, and I'm not caring, and I'm not- n-not... not /any of it, god, Kiyo, I.../ i-it was all a... all a lie... all a' it... ya don't fucking know me, Kiyo... not the real me. Not the version a' me that... that's a fucking biker gang leader. I've... I've done things y'ain't even fucking able ta imagine. I've... I've done things, /horrible things/, and you... you wouldn't fucking love me if you... if you knew, if you... if you had any idea-"
Taka cuts Mondo off yet again with another laugh, knowing that it's /rude/, but not caring, not caring, not caring one single bit, god. Because... because it's all such freaking /bullshit/, honestly! God!
"Oh, how rich! What, do you think me a child?! I know what you are, Mondo! I am- I- I am perfectly aware! Do you think I've never thought about it, about the things you might have done? Do you think me so naive that I couldn't... couldn't possibly /imagine/ the sort of things you would do on a regular basis?! My father is a police officer, for crying out loud! I knew all about you, Mondo Owada, long before I ever even /met/ you! But that... that's not all you are! You are /more/ than that, Mondo! And I've always seen it! From that very first day, when I ran into you in the hallway! From the minute I met you, I knew you were more than what the world portrays you to be! From what you portray yourself as to the world! You... you have always been /more/ to me, even before we were anything /close/ to being friends, to being... b-being... whatever the hell we are to one another! You... you just... Mondo, you..."
Taka looks at Mondo desperately, the tears in his eyes finally losing their fight with gravity as they start to fall down his cheeks once more, silent and hot as they make silvery tracks on his face, Mondo looking at him with such desperation it makes him ache inside.
"No... n-no, y'ain't... y'ain't fucking right, Kiyo, ya... ya fucking... I'm not. More. Than... than what I fucking am. I'm a fucking /biker/, a /criminal/, and that's all I'll ever be. I might have dreams, plans, /goals,/ but it ain't like I'll ever fucking /achieve them/! Because, what, do I actually fucking think I'm gonna be a- a fucking /carpenter/?! Ha! I'm fucking trash at it, like I am at every fucking thing I try and do! I ain't... I don't got any direction in life, Kiyo! I... I was never fucking /destined/ ta do shit with my fucking life! I was an unwanted child, an unwanted man, some piece a' trash that shoulda been taken care of a long fucking time ago! And I... I ain't gonna do /shit/ with my fucking life... can't be a gangster forever... can't lead the gang when they all graduate and move the fuck on... just, s-shit. What fucking point do I have, Kiyo? Tell me, what is the /fucking point of me?!/"
/Who says you have to have a point?/ Taka thinks to himself softly, heart aching so acutely as he dimly remembers the words Mondo once said to him, what feels like a lifetime ago, back when the biker first truly showed his true colors, and the love Taka knows he /still feels/ was born. /Why can't you just be Mondo? My... my Mondo... what is so wrong with that...?/
Taka doesn't get a chance to say that, though, before Mondo is plowing on, eyes shining and chest heaving, his face a war of abject rage and absolute /heartbreak/.
"But you... shit. You, Kiyo, you... you're gonna go so fucking far. /So/ fucking far, man. You're shooting for the moon and I fucking know you will make it. I /know/ you will. Because you're Kiyotaka Ishimaru, and that... that means ya don't give up. Ever. Not when it matters. Not when it's important. You just... you never give up and you /will/ become Prime Minister one day, I fucking know it, Kiyo. I can't... I can't fucking fit in that fucking life. We both fucking know it, why bother trying to deny it? You... you can't fucking love me, because I... I ain't the kind a' man someone like you should ever love. You... you deserve someone special, Kiyo. Someone as utterly special and wonderful as you. Someone who can build you up instead a' always tearing you down. I'd just... I'd just hold you back. Weigh you down. You... you would never get to achieve your goals, not with someone like me holding you back. Heh..."
Taka lets out a soft sob at the words, shaking his head, body shaking even worse. Despite how wobbly his legs feel, he finds himself marching forward, on and on, until he is toe to toe with Mondo, so close he can smell his cologne again, so wonderful he can't help but cry. He wants to reach out, he wants to touch, but he... he /can't/. He just... he /can't/. Not... not with the ocean that is spanning between them, not with the mountains and the valleys and the seas. He can't. He just... he can't.
But he can use his words...
"That's not... that's not true. I... I don't /care/ about that, Mondo! I don't... I don't /care/! Screw my plans! Screw my goals! I don't care about it, about /any of it/, not... not if achieving it means I can't have /you/..."
And it's true. It's true. God... it's true. And he knows how stupid he sounds, how childish and cliche, but he can't help it. He has to... has to get Mondo to see, to realize, to understand just... just /how much he loves him/, even if Mondo still leaves, he just... he has to let him know... somehow...
But then Mondo is just smiling sadly, eyes bleeding sorrow, shaking his head slowly, maddeningly, and Taka wants to /scream/. He wants to /yell, and scream, and break the room/. He wants... h-he wants...
"And ya see, that's exactly what I mean. When I say it ain't fucking real. 'Cuz the Kiyotaka I know? He'd never fucking give up his goals that easy. He doesn't give up, period. And if ya would, if ya seriously would, fer a piece a' shit like me... then that just proves my fucking point. I'd just weigh ya down. Hold ya back. Keep ya from the destiny I know ya fucking got. Yer gonna go so fucking far, Kiyo, ain't fucking funny. 'Cuz you... you are fucking /perfect/. All a' yer flaws, all a' yer weak points... they don't fucking matter, Kiyo. 'Cuz yer fucking perfect, so fucking perfect, and I don't deserve someone as fucking wonderful and amazing as you. I just... I truly fucking don't. You... Kiyo, you just... you fucking /shine/, man. You just... you fucking..."
"You shouldn't put people on pedestals, Mondo," Taka gasps out, eyes still leaking, so much that he can't even see Mondo at this point, can only see the blob where he had been standing, but he... he knows what he wants to say, knows- "It's an awfully long way to fall."
It's a saying. One that his father always told him, whenever warning against idolization of celebrities or political leaders. Taka never quite understood what the saying meant, what his father meant by it, but he... he thinks he understands now. God, he thinks he understands /perfectly/ now...
Mondo shakes his head harshly, though, his eyes filling with anger again, which Taka can only see when he wipes his eyes, tired of not being able to see what is going on.
"The fuck does that shit even mean? I ain't putting ya on a fucking /pedestal/, the fuck? It's just... it's fucking /true/, Kiyo! You... yer just so... so fucking /perfect/, and I just... I fucking /ain't./ Not anywhere fucking close! And don't you fucking try and tell me different! I know what you fucking are, I can see that shit, Kiyo! Anyone fucking can!"
Taka groans at the words, his right hand coming up to scrub angrily at his hair, like Mondo always does, so utterly frustrated it's not even funny. His hand gets stopped, though, when he feels the rose that is still, somehow, tucked neatly behind his ear, a bitter reminder of a time /before/ this all began. A time before Taka screwed everything up and is being forced to watch as everything he has ever wanted goes up in smoke, the embers catching and burning it all away. Taka almost wants to crush the flower in his hand, hating it for its cruelty, but he... he /can't/, he can't, so instead he just carefully takes it from his hair, cradling it gently in his hand, like it's something so utterly, utterly precious to him. Because, in a way... it is. It truly, truly is...
"You say that, Mondo. You say that, and yet you try and tell me otherwise. Try and change my mind when I can see things just as plainly as you can. You… you are not /garbage/, kyoudai! You are not a- a piece of... a piece of /shit/! You are not nearly as horrible as y-you... as you seem to believe! And I can /see this/, kyoudai! So plainly! So clearly! I know that you are... t-that /you are/-"
What Taka knows Mondo is will never be known, because Mondo is snarling again, the biker ripping himself away, eyes on fire, storming to pace the room. Taka watches him go, heart so numb it isn't even funny, and he just... he just wants this all to be over with already. For the fire to just run its course, so that he can just... try and make a new life in the ashes. Like he's always done before...
"Oh, don't you fucking try and turn that shit around on me! It ain't /fucking/ the same! All a' your fucking insecurities have no fucking ground, Kiyo! They're just your head attacking you, 'cuz all a' those fucking idiots who knew you growing up were goddamn /assholes/, who couldn't fucking see how utterly wonderful you are! There ain't no ground ta them, and if you were in your right mind, you'd fucking see that! But me?! Shit, Kiyo! You can't just fucking ignore all the shit I've done! All a' those things, they just... they fucking /prove/ that I ain't... that I'm /not/... so it ain't fucking the same!"
Taka lets out an annoyed growl, hands clenching into fists, yet he's still doing his best to not crush the rose in his dominant hand. It feels so fragile in his palm and he can't... h-he can't /possibly/ destroy it... to destroy something so beautiful and fragile... only a monster could do that, and Taka... Taka is no monster...
"Y-you... you are such a hypocrite," Taka whispers, far too quiet in the tense room. But he knows Mondo hears him. He... he always does. "Telling me what I should believe whilst also telling me not to do the same to you. Has it ever occurred to you, Mondo, that- that I feel the exact same as you? That I do not view my /insecurities/ as baseless, but as real and debilitating flaws? And perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps my insecurities /are/ entirely groundless. But, kyoudai... I believe that yours are, too. It doesn't matter to me what you did in your past. The violence of your history. You were abused, Mondo, quite severely by your father, and neglected cruelly by your mother. The fact that you are able to hold any goodness in your heart at all is- is quite frankly a miracle! And you do, Mondo. Hold goodness. It is not a /trick/, not a lie. You are /good/, my dearest... my dearest /love/. You are /good,/ and you are /kind/, and while you may not be /perfect/, you are utterly and completely /incredible/, and I am honored to know you! Please, Mondo, why can't you just believe me?!"
His last sentence comes out a lot louder than he had meant, echoing in the tense air, and then Mondo is snarling, attacking, like a trapped wolf trying to fight his way out of the bear claw he has found himself in. Taka can only watch, heart numb, as Mondo lashes out and destroys everything in his path.
"No, you're so fucking wrong, it ain't fucking funny! It's not fucking the same, Kiyo, it fucking isn't! You... y-you've never fucking hit a guy so fucking hard ya fucking shattered his nose! You've never gotten into an all-out brawl with fucking police officers! You've never gotten inta a fucking turf war with a rival gang, ending up with half a' yer fucking members in the /goddamn hospital/! And you... y-you've never-"
"I don't care about those things, kyoudai!" Taka exclaims, suddenly /angry/ again, body shaking and eyes leaking and he just... /god/, he's not built to hold so many negative emotions inside of him, he truly, truly is not... but he can't help how he shouts, how he yells, wanting— no, /needing/ Mondo to see that he means what he says. That he... that he /means it/... "None of that /fucking/ matters to me, Mondo! What you've done, the people you hurt... I don't care! I love you regardless! You are so, so important to me, Mondo, and I cannot imagine a world in which I don't have you in it! I don't want to imagine one! You are... y-you are so very vital to my life and I just... please don't make me lose you, kyoudai, /please/!"
The look Mondo gives him is so utterly heartbreaking that he can't help the sob that escapes him, the hand not holding the rose coming up to cover his mouth, for reasons he doesn't even know. Comfort, perhaps? He isn't sure. He... he just... he isn't sure...
"No... n-no, I ain't... I ain't makin' ya lose me, Kiyo, I never fucking wanna go anywhere! God, ya think I wanna do this shit?! I fucking don't! I wanna be selfish, I wanna hold onta ya and never fucking let ya go! I w-wanna fucking /marry ya/ one day, adopt fucking kids, raise 'em up right, far from gangs an' fucking abusive pieces a' shit! I... I fucking /dream/ a' that shit, Kiyo! All the fucking time! But... but that's all it fucking is, man. A fucking /dream/. Ain't fucking real. None of it... none of it is fucking /real,/ and I just... I'm a fucking selfish bastard. I've lived my entire life doing the shit I wanted, when I wanted. I took stupid fucking risks, not caring who got hurt, until... f-fuck... but I didn't fucking /stop/. Kept doing stupid shit, I /keep on fucking doing it/, and I'm just gonna hurt you one day, Kiyo. And I fucking /can't do that shit/, I can't... I can't hurt ya, I can't..."
"Y-you're hurting me /now/, kyoudai. Does that... does that not matter?"
Taka gasps at the look of absolute /despair/ on Mondo's face, the biker looking one second away from shattering into a million pieces, and Taka quickly moves on, knowing that he can't... can't let it end there, can't let Mondo- can't let him think he's angry— though he is, /god/ he is— can't... he just need to prove to him that he... that he wants the same thing, he just...
"B-but that doesn't matter, kyoudai! Because I... I want that too! I want to spend the rest of my life with you, consequences be damned! I love you, Mondo, fully and truly, and there is nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my days with you! Please, /please/ believe me when I say this! Y-you are /everything to me/, and I can't imagine a life without you, I mean that truly, kyoudai! I'd even be willing to just be /friends/ if that's what you want, even though such a thing hurts me so very, very much, because I don't want to live without you! And I know I'm b-being stupid, being dramatic, but I mean it, Mondo, please! Just listen to me, for /once/! Please!"
Taka is begging, pleading, /needing/ Mondo to see that he truly /means it/. It may be dramatic and stupid and cliche as all hell, an immature teenager through and through, but he fully and completely /means it/. If he were to lose Mondo today... h-he wouldn't die. He's not so dramatic as to think that. But... but all of the progress he has made, all of the buoyancy that has been added to his heart... all of the positive things Mondo has created in him, the lightness and the happiness and the /joy/... they will /vanish/. He will be hollow and empty and /dead inside/ once more, like he was before Mondo, but... but so much /worse/, because he will have to live the rest of his life with the knowledge that he /almost had it all/, only to lose it at the last possible second, all because he just /wasn't fucking good enough to keep hold of something as wonderful as this/-
"Are you fucking kidding me, Kiyo?! That would never fucking work! We both fucking know it, don't try and fucking deny it! I mean, just look at you! You're so /fucking perfect/, and I'm just... I'm fucking hot garbage! I'm scum! I don't even fucking deserve ta kiss the fucking ground ya walk on, Kiyo, I-!"
"Stop putting me on a pedestal!" Taka almost /screeches/, suddenly feeling so incredibly fed up and angry and /hurt/ that he just... he /can't help it/. Mondo is hurting him so, so badly right now, and his insides are burning and squirming and /aching/, he just... h-he /just/-
"Well, why the fuck shouldn't I?! It's fucking goddamn true! You're fucking perfect, Kiyo, god! E-every fucking thing about you... you're so amazing and incredible and /perfect, so fucking perfect/, and I just can't fucking-"
Taka cuts Mondo off with a snarl, striding forward and /shoving/ the teen hard on the chest, so hard it actually makes him move, wanting to make him /feel him/, for the biker to know just /what he is doing to him/. He watches with enraged eyes as Mondo stumbles back, lavender eyes wide as he takes in the absolute /fury/ on Taka's face.
"Stop calling me perfect, for God's sake, Mondo! I'm not! Because... because perfection is impossible, Mondo! It is impossible to obtain, impossible to /achieve/, and I have wasted my entire /goddamn life/ trying, only to fail, time and time again, because... because it simply is not possible! No human being can be perfect, it's just not something humans can possibly be! We are all horribly flawed creatures, with our vices there to crush us, and striving to be more than that will only lead you to madness! And I... I spent so long trying to be perfect, to achieve perfection... to be the perfect son, the perfect student, the perfect citizen... I spent so long striving for this, that I forgot /who I was/. What I was. I stopped being human in my pursuit for perfection, stopped allowing myself to be alive, I... I walked and I talked and I ate and I laughed, but none of it was /real/. It was like... like I was /sleep walking/, there but... but not really. Not part of reality."
Taka lets out a shuddering laugh, eyes leaking tears that he doesn't bother to dry, just glares at Mondo, so impossibly hurt he doesn't even have words to describe how he is currently feeling.
"You... y-you broke me out of that. Out of that self-destroying bubble of- of self-loathing and self-admonishment, and... and all of it. Y-you... you made me realize that I didn't /have to be perfect/, t-that all I... all I had to be was /Taka/. Your... y-your Taka... and I... I craved that. Craved your words, and your kindness, and your /care/, and just... /you/. I feel in love with you not because you are perfect, not because you are flawless, but because you... you saw me as I was, and still saw something of value there. And because, despite all of your flaws— and I know you have them, /I am not that naive/— I… I saw something of value in you, too. I saw your kindness. Your strength. Your /love/, god, your love. I saw it, all of it, shining within you, and I... I couldn't help but love you, Mondo. Couldn't help but desire you, covet you, want to have you in your entirety... a-and I hated myself for it, thinking myself selfish and foolish and /wrong/, but I... I couldn't stop. I couldn't help it. You were just... /you/, and I... I couldn't help how much I /loved you/. I still cannot. I never will."
Taka breaks off in a gasp, looking up at the ceiling, hating how full his eyes still are, but he has no hope of pushing them down. Not now. Not... not now. Not ever.
"So, don't... don't you try and tell me what I feel, Mondo Owada. Don't you even dare. I can't stop you from- f-from hating yourself, as much as I have always wanted to, but don't... don't try and tell me how I feel. I have spent /months/ suffering through these emotions, fighting them, wanting them to go away so that I could enjoy the time I had with you b-before you... before you /left me/, but I... I never could make them leave. Such a thing is as impossible as trying to stop the rain, or trying to catch a falling star. They are a part of me, whether either of us likes it or not. And I... I will not stand here and listen as you... a-as you try and tell me otherwise. That I don't feel what I /know/ I feel. Hate yourself all you want. Hate /me/ all you want. But don't... don't try and take this from me. Please, Mondo. It's all I have left. So... if I ever mattered to you at all... at least leave me this. Please. /Please/."
Silence echoes around them as Taka's words hang in the fragile air, Taka shaking with the emotions he had just revealed, the words he has been keeping inside for so long finally, finally let free. He isn't looking at Mondo— /can't/ look at Mondo— but he can imagine the look on his face. The heartbreak mixed with anger mixed with /fear/. His chest is shuddering with his frantic breath, and everything in him is breaking and collapsing and /dying/ and he just... he wants...
"S-shit... K-Kiyo... I just... it wouldn't fucking work between us. It never fucking would. You don't fucking know me, don't know the shit I've done, and if you did— god. If you did, you'd never fucking look at me with anything close to kindness, you... K-Kiyo, you..."
"What do I have to do, Mondo?!" Taka bursts out, looking up at the biker, unbidden, eyes on fire, heart shattering and breaking and dying but he /can't stop/. He wants to stop, wants to curl up into a ball and never deal with this ever, ever again, but he /can't/. He doesn't even know what they're talking about anymore, they're not even arguing about the same thing, and he's so confused he doesn't know what to do. Mondo is still /keeping secrets/ and Taka... Taka is so /goddamn tired of it/. Of being shut out. Of being rejected. Of being told that he /doesn't feel what he goddamn knows he feels/. He's just... he's so, so tired of it... so very tired indeed... and /angry/. Can't forget about his anger... "What do I have to do to prove myself to you?! To prove that I won't- that I won't ever leave you?! That I don't care about what you've done?! Because I don't, Mondo! I don't, I promise, it's a Kiyotaka Ishimaru guarantee, it is, /it is!/ Whatever you've done in the past... whatever you think is so horrible... I don't care!"
Mondo snarls angrily, marching up to him again so that they are face to face, toe to toe once more, and Taka wants to scream, wants to cry, wants to /break/, but he... he /can't/, he can't, he wants to fix this, figure out some way to make it better but he just /doesn't know how/, god, he wishes he knew how, wishes he could fix this, wishes... wishes he was good enough to know how to fix this...
"You're a goddamn fucking liar, Ishimaru, you goddamn asshole! Y'ain't got any fucking clue /what I've done/, you've got no fucking idea /who I am/, yer such a goddamn /naive child/, thinking I could ever be worth half a damn! 'Cuz I ain't! I only break things, I can't fucking fix them! I have spent months trying to stop this from dying, to keep this shit alive, and here I am, fucking ruining it like I fucking ruin everything! I'm a goddamn /mess,/ Taka, and I ain't ever gonna change! I fucking can't! I tried, Kiyo, I fucking /tried/, fer you, I tried so /goddamn hard/, but I can't fucking run from my fucking past, no matter how much I may fucking want to! G-god, Kiyo, I wanted ta be good fer you, to be /worthy of fucking loving you,/ but I fucking ain't! I- I just... I /ain't/! You... you don't know the shit I've done, you have no fucking clue, y-you can't... y-you /can't/-"
"Then tell me!" Taka exclaims, taking a step closer, eyes desperate as he makes his final plea, his final stand, begging for the trust he needs from Mondo, begging... pleading... /needing/... "Tell me, Mondo, please! What is it that you have done that you believe is so horrible that you /think/ I would- would... would /hate you/ for it?! Let me prove to you it doesn't matter! Please, Mondo, let me prove myself to you! Please!"
Taka is staring at Mondo, eyes wide open and beguiling and pleading, and he just... h-he just... but then Mondo is shaking his head, a sob escaping his lips as a single tear rolls down his cheek, his hands shaking as they come up and bury his face within them, hiding his eyes from the light. Taka can feel the final part of his heart break at the motion, so utterly broken he doesn't know if he will ever be able to fix himself again. He... he... Mondo still refuses to trust him... to let him... let him prove himself, he... he would rather let them fall apart entirely than just... just /trust him/...
"I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I fucking... I fucking /can't./ Kiyo... Taka... I just... I fucking /can't/... you'll fucking hate me, more than you already do, and I just... I can't do that, I'm so fucking selfish, I just- I- I just... K-Kiyo..."
"I won't. Hate you. I promise you I /won't/. Just... tell me what you are hiding from me, please, Mondo! Don't let us fall apart w-without even trying! Just trust me, please, kyoudai! Things don't have to end like this! I promise! I promise! I promi-"
"No! Fucking no!" Mondo barks, eyes shining and wet when he looks up to glare, full of pain and heartbreak and /rage/, and Taka- Taka... h-he can't... he can't take this, he can't, he can't, he /can't/- "I fucking can't, Kiyo! I- I can't! I'm too fucking weak! I can't watch you as you hate me, I fucking can't!"
"Well, then you're going to be bitterly disappointed, Mondo Owada, because if you keep doing this, then I will! I will, because you will have destroyed this, destroyed /us/, without even /fucking/ trying to save us! I'm trying, Mondo, I am! I'm trying so very, very hard! But I can't be the only one who is trying! The only one who /cares/! Just tell me what your secret is, and I will show you how /wrong/ you are! I will prove myself to you, prove that you are /wrong/, prove how much I love you, how I could /never hate you, kyoudai, please just believe me-!"/
"I'm a fucking murderer! Alright?! Is that what you fucking wanted to fucking hear?! I- I'm a fucking, /goddamn murderer/! God!"
The words hang in the heavy air, thick as molasses, Taka's breath stopped entirely as the shouted words echo around the room, the entire whirlwind of emotions inside him stopping dead with such little warning that he starts to feel sick with it. W... what? Mondo... w-what?
Taka can only watch as Mondo breaks apart completely, the biker collapsing to the ground as the sobs he always does his best to push away finally come out, angry and bitter and enraged. Taka watches as the biker shakes, body trembling so hard he knows it must hurt, his hair a complete and total mess now, face buried in his hands so Taka cannot see the tears he knows resides there. And Taka... Taka wants to go forward, wants to comfort him, wants to /prove he meant what he said/, but he... he has to think about this. He has to be so, so careful here. This is... this is his /last chance/, his /only chance/, and if he screws this up... then it will be all over. For both of them.
Okay. So... Mondo. Mondo is a... a /murderer/. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Taka's first instinct is to /deny it/. To say that it's ridiculous, to tell Mondo he's lying, that he's wrong, but he... he's not stupid. Clearly, this has been hurting Mondo for /months/ now, if not /years/. Dismissing that out of hand, without even considering it seriously... that would be the most surefire way to ensure that this all does break apart entirely, he knows that, he knows it.
His second instinct is to... to balk. To take a step back, breath shuddering, and run away forever and ever and ever. The idea of it, of Mondo being a murderer is… it's too much for him to even start comprehending. To even start dissecting and viewing rationally. To even… e-even…
But... b-but, it… it's not like he's never entertained the idea. Don't get him wrong, he always hated himself for doing it! But... when he'd think about what Mondo's secret could possibly /be/, what could make the biker so sure that he would leave him one day... the thought had unwillingly popped into his head. And he'd hated it, had immediately dismissed it, had refused to even entertain it, because... because it was so /absurd/ to him. Mondo... Mondo wasn't a killer. Isn't a killer. He is /good/. So, so good. He could... h-he could never take a life, could never do such a horrible thing. He could /never/. At least... that's what Taka always told himself.
But now... now, here is Mondo. /Confessing/ to committing the most heinous of crimes. And Taka... Taka still cannot believe it. Not... not really. He cannot believe that Mondo would ever... ever take a life, not in cold blood. Maybe... maybe as a fit of passion, or- or as an /accident/, but... but not out of a desire to actually kill someone, to harm someone, and maybe there isn't any difference between the two, but he... he thinks there is, knows there is, sees the boy breaking and aching and /hurting/ on the floor, and he knows there is a difference between a cold blooded murderer and someone who just... who just /made a mistake/. Who... who didn't mean to- who didn't... and the end result is still the same, someone is still /dead/, Taka doesn't even know who, god, but... but it doesn't mean Mondo is /evil/. It doesn't, okay? He... h-he just made a mistake, just- just let his anger consume him, or- or something like that, and he... how can Taka fault him for that when he's always known how volatile Mondo can be? When he's always known he has had anger issues? A-and Taka /knows/ there's a difference between /having anger issues/ and /murdering a person/, he knows it, but... b-but...
But Taka still loves him. Taka had not been a liar after all, hadn't been blowing smoke. He... his feelings /have not changed/. He still loves Mondo as much as he ever did, maybe even more so now since he finally /trusted him for once, god/, and he... he should hate himself for it, should feel disgusted that he would forgive such a heinous crime, but he... he can't. He can't. He loves Mondo too much. And he's so /goddamn tired/ of letting his strict morality ruin things for him, and he just... he /wants this/. Wants Mondo.
And... a-and maybe he can't let Mondo get away with- with whatever he's done, /if it truly is as bad as the biker says and isn't a misunderstanding entirely, which Taka is still holding out a desperate hope that it is/, but he... he is more than capable of loving a man in prison, of visiting him every week, of writing, of calling, of /proving his love with everything he has in him/, even if Mondo... if Mondo is in jail...
"I don't care," Taka finally rasps, what feels like decades later, staring down at the crumpled form before him, knowing at last what he has to say. What he /wants to say/. And when he sees Mondo stiffen further, his hands frozen as they hide his face… he knows what he has to— /wants to/— do as well. Even if it's wrong. Even if it breaks things further. He just... he has to say this. Do this. /Be/ this.
Kneeling slowly, Taka shakily reaches out a hand— the one that is not /still holding the rose/— going so slow he wonders if he's even moving. And when he finally, finally makes contact... when his hand touches Mondo's shoulder so lightly it might not even be there... when he feels the biker stiffen impossibly further... he pauses. And he holds his breath. And he /waits/.
When several seconds pass and Mondo doesn't pull away, he presses his hand down further. And when Mondo stiffens more but still /doesn't pull away/, Taka leaves it there. Warm. Present. Not overly obtrusive, but very much /there/. And he... he speaks his final piece. Hoping against hope that... that Mondo will /believe him, god, please believe him/...
"I don't care, M-Mondo... what you- what you've done. It... it does not change how I feel. How I... how I love you. And... a-and, depending on what- what you've done... I- I may have to- t-to re-report you, I- I can't... b-but i-it does not change how I- how I /feel/, and I... I- I w-will always be there for you, no matter what, Mondo... k-kyoudai, I... I- I... I don't... I..."
Mondo's body stiffens somehow further, every muscle a firm line, and Taka wants to take the words back, wants to promise he'd never tell a living soul, no matter what, god, but then Mondo is looking up, the look in his eyes utterly devoid of all life, so completely despondent, and there's a broken smile on Mondo's lips, and Taka... T-Taka...
"You... you'd fucking report me?" Mondo mutters, no inflection in the hoarse words, his voice completely shot from all the screaming he'd just done. And Taka... Taka wants to shake his head, wants to promise that he would /never/, that he /could never/, but he... but he doesn't know if that's true, doesn't know if he could live with such a horrible secret, doesn't... and he feels like a monster for it, for promising Mondo things wouldn't change only for them to actually change, b-but...
"I- I don't... I don't /know/, k-kyoudai... I... I know that I still /love you/, that I'd do /anything for you/, but... i-it depends on what you- what you /did/, what you... what you've done, I... I can't... w-what... what did you-"
"Heh. You... you wanna fuckin' know? 'Course ya... 'course ya do, heh. Always... always so fuckin' curious, Kiy- s-shit... always so fuckin'... fuckin' curious... but maybe yer fuckin' right... maybe I should turn myself the fuck in... tell the fuckin' truth, stop hidin' from... from what I..."
Taka's heart breaks in a different way when he sees Mondo sob, his eyes leaking tears as he looks down at his hands, the appendages shaking horribly. He doesn't bury his face in them again, though, just shrugs listlessly and smiles mirthlessly, eyes dead and dull.
"Tried ta... ta tell ya, ya know. Last... last week. Was what I wanted ta confess, after... after Chi... but I couldn't, I fuckin'... I just... I couldn't. Y-you would hate me, and I was so /weak/, so selfish, I just... s-so I told ya I was bi, since I knew ya'd accept that, hopin' ya wouldn't call me out, an' I... I was so fuckin' selfish, K-Ki... T-Taka... was so fuckin' selfish... kept takin' an' takin' an' takin', tryin' ta get ya outta my system, tryin' ta... t-ta let ya go, so we... so ya wouldn't fuckin'... fuckin' destroy me when ya left, but I shoulda fuckin' known y'always woulda. Broken me. I... I fuckin' loved ya so goddamn much, couldn't... couldn't even... s-shit... an' it doesn't even fuckin' matter anymore, y'ain't... y'ain't gonna wanna have nothin' ta do with me after I... after I fuckin' tell ya, I... K-Ki..."
Taka shakes his head, frantic, desperate, but Mondo isn't looking, Mondo can't look, is too lost in his past to see Taka, let alone believe him. He wants to say something but Mondo is speaking before he can, is talking, and it's all Taka can do to listen, listen, and hope the words Mondo says don't make a liar of him after all.
"But... but I gotta tell ya, don't I? You... you fucking deserve it, Ki. The least you deserve for all the shit I've put ya through. I... I just... I wanted them ta respect me. They didn't... t-they didn't fucking respect me, and D-D... Daiya, he... he mentioned he wanted to step down. He... he wanted ta move on from the gang, wanted ta pass it onta me, wanted me ta... t-ta lead 'em, trusted me ta do that. An' I... I wanted ta do that, Ki. Wanted ta... t-ta do what he... w-what Daiya asked, but I... but I wasn't fucking /strong enough/. I was so... so /goddamn weak/. I couldn't fucking lead them, Ki, couldn't fucking lead /shit/, and Daiya, he... h-he expected me ta do it, but how the fuck could I, when none a' the guys fucking respected me? I heard their fuckin' whispers, h-heard their fuckin' taunts. They thought I'd ruin the fuckin' gang, thought I was just the- the fuckin'... the weak kid brother I fuckin' /was/, but I... I couldn't be fuckin' weak, Ki. Couldn't... h-hadta... hadta be what Daiya saw in me, hadta... h-hadta... hadta be strong. Stronger than... than what they all thought of me. Stronger than... s-stronger than... than Daiya..."
Mondo breaks off in another sob, shaking his head as he looks down, shoulders hunched around his ears, and Taka... Taka thinks he can imagine what- what Mondo is about to say, can imagine what... what Mondo /did/. In his... in his eagerness to prove himself, he... he got into a fight, or- or something, and things- things got out of hand, and in the end... in the end, someone ended up /dead/, and Mondo... M-Mondo...
Taka can say nothing as the ice forms in his chest, his heart aching so acutely. He doesn't even know what to think, what to do. He wants to do something, say something, but he... h-he has to /wait/, has to wait, needs to see what Mondo says, needs to... to see... to /hear/... to... to know...
"G-god... f-fuck, Ki, I... I didn't fucking... I didn't mean ta do it, shit! I never s-shoulda fuckin'- never shoulda issued that fuckin' challenge, never shoulda fuckin' thought I could- could fucking beat him! H-he... he was always s-so much better than me, in every fuckin' way, the best fuckin' person, so much better than me, and now... n-now, 'cuz a' me, me an' my fuckin' /bullshit/, he's fuckin' dead! I fuckin' killed him, Kiyo! I fuckin'- I fuckin' /killed him!/ I... I killed my own brother! I... I killed Daiya!"
Mondo breaks off into more sobs, burying his face once more, his eyes hidden by his hands, and Taka... Taka can only stare, his entire body frozen solid, his mind not functioning because... b-because...
/That was not, at all, what he was expecting. That wasn't... t-that.../
"What?"
Taka didn't mean to say it, didn't mean to let the word come out, soft and confused and- and broken, but, he... he doesn't /understand/. Because... because he thought he knew where Mondo was going with it all, thought he finally /understood/ what was going on, but then... t-then... Mondo said that he... t-that he... that Mondo...
/Mondo... Mondo killed his own brother?/
But... /no/. No... no, no, no! That... that's wrong! That's... that's actually /impossible!/ Absolutely impossible! Mondo... Mondo /adored/ his brother. Taka cannot see a universe in which he'd /ever/ hurt him, let alone /kill him/. Not... n-not... not even on accident. Taka had been imagining Mondo hitting someone so hard they- they didn't wake up again, or shoving them down some stairs, or hitting them over the head with something heavy, or- or... or /something/, but he... Mondo never would have done that to Daiya. /Never/. No matter how angry. No matter how desperate to /prove himself/. He... he'd never lift a hand to harm his brother. He /wouldn't/. Taka knew that Mondo wasn't a murderer, has always known that, but now... now he /knows that/. For certain. Because Mondo...
Mondo didn't kill his brother.
He couldn't have.
Taka refuses to believe it.
At the thought, it's like a weight is lifted from his heart. A weight he /never should have allowed himself to feel, allowing his trust in Mondo to waiver, god/, but it feels so good to be rid of it. Because... because he knows that whatever Mondo is about to tell him, it wasn't murder. Wasn't even manslaughter. It couldn't be. Mondo... he wouldn't be able to kill someone he loves. Someone he cares about. Not even on accident. Taka /refuses to believe it/.
He refuses.
But he doesn't have any time to say that, to let Mondo know what he'd figured out in the split second between Mondo confessing and now, because Mondo is looking up at him, eyes wide, pain and anger and /self-hatred/ rife within them, and Taka... Taka feels the ice inside of him melt and all he wants to do is wrap his arms around Mondo and never let him go, but he can't, he can't, Mondo still has more to confess and Taka /can't/. Not now. Not yet.
But... soon...
"Oh, god... I... I'm so fucking sorry, Kiyo, I... I... s-shit... I didn't fuckin' mean ta, it was... but it don't fucking /matter/ what I fucking meant, because nothing changes the fucking fact that /I fucking killed him! I fucking killed my own goddamn brother!/ I... I..." Mondo cuts himself off there, breathing harsh, and he is shaking like a leaf, and he falls silent, silent, silent, and Taka... he... he knows he has to do something, say something, and so...
"What... what happened? Mondo... what happened?" Taka asks softly several moments later, after Mondo trails off, the biker looking so miserable it hurts him inside. He wants to tell him that it's okay, that everything will be okay, but he... he knows Mondo needs to confess this. Taka knows... he knows he's never told anyone this before, he /knows/ it. That it likely has been eating him alive since the day Daiya died, almost two years ago now. And Taka... Taka will let him /talk/. Let him tell his own story. Let him... let him /confess/. And then... once he has all of the information and can firmly say that /yes,/ he is right about this, like he /knows he is/... then he will work towards comfort. Work towards... t-towards... towards /fixing this/...
"I... I... s-shit, Kiyo..." Mondo mumbles, looking so utterly miserable it hurts. Taka can't help how his hand reaches out, hovering in the air near Mondo's face. He hesitates once he's close, not wanting to make things worse, but when Mondo looks up at him with desperate eyes... Taka breeches the last remaining inch and cups Mondo's cheek so gently and tenderly, needing to... to provide comfort, needing to... to... to provide solace... somehow...
Luckily, Mondo doesn't tear himself away. Taka can feel the tension in his jaw, his eyes wild and full of fear, but after a moment, he settles. Not fully, but partially. He leans into the touch, breath shuddering, and he... he...
He continues...
"It was fucking stupid. I... I was fucking stupid. It was the night of his retirement party. He... the entire gang was there, celebrating him and his achievements... all the things he did fer us, all a' us... an' I... I was so fucking /jealous/, Kiyo... so fucking /envious/ a' the easy leadership he provided. He... he was always everything I wasn't, and sitting there, surrounded by all the people who were so fucking convinced I was gonna ruin the gang when Daiya left... I'd never felt so inadequate before... never... never felt less worthy a' anything... but Daiya, he... he was grinning at me. Saying how proud he was, an' shit. Kept talking me up, saying how great I was, how he knew I was gonna surpass him as leader, but I... I didn't fucking believe him, shit, I... I was so fucking weak, Ki, god... and I... I let that fucking get ta me... let it fucking /consume/ me... and... an' 'fore I knew it, I was issuin' the fuckin' challenge. A race. Him an' me. Ta prove that I... that I was fuckin' /worthy/ a' leadin' the gang. 'Course, I didn't fuckin' tell him that... couldn't. Knew he'd rig it so I'd win, even though he hated doin' shit like that, but he... he woulda done it fer me. Knew he... knew he would, if he... he knew..."
Mondo breaks off again, breathing heavily, misery alive on his face. He is simultaneously pressing against Taka's hand and angling away from it, which is quite a feat, Taka must admit. And he... h-he wants... he wants to hold him, because he's starting to realize where this is going, this time /knowing/ for sure, and he... h-he...
"But I didn't tell him, and he... he was always fucking better than me, Ki. He... he was always so fucking... fucking amazing, at... at everything... 'specially ridin' his hog, shit, Ki, he was fuckin' incredible when he was ridin'... fuckin' taught me all I knew, so 'course he fuckin' was... don't know why I thought I could beat him, don't know why... why I... god... god fucking damn..."
Mondo lets out another sob, but he doesn't pause long before he's moving on, speaking with a low, trembling voice, so different from his usual tone that Taka... he...
"I woulda done anythin' ta win, Ki. Fuckin' anythin'. Needed ta prove myself, ta prove that I was... that I was fuckin' stronger than him, that I... t-that I could... could lead 'em, lead the gang, be... be what Daiya thought me ta be... but... but I /wasn't/. Stronger than him. Better. He was... he was so fuckin' good. Always fuckin' was. I never could beat him, not ever. But I couldn't /lose/, Ki. Losing... it would mean never havin' the gang's fuckin' respect. They... they'd never respect me if they... they...
"So, I… I was fuckin' stupid. So, so fuckin' stupid. Reckless. There was fuckin' traffic on the road an' Daiya was ahead a' me, an' I knew... I- I fuckin' knew I had no chance ta catch up if I didn't fuckin' /take a risk/. Knew he was gonna win, he... he always fucking won... so. So, I... I pulled inta oncomin' traffic. Was goin' so fuckin' fast, could barely even see what the fuck I was doin', 'cuz a' 'course I wasn't wearin' a fuckin' helmet an' the wind was in my fuckin' eyes, an' I... I didn't fuckin' see the truck, didn't see... didn't see it fuckin' barrelin' t'wards me 'til... until it was /too fuckin' late/. An' I... I... I saw the headlights at the last possible second an' I... and Ki, I... I fuckin' /knew/. I was 'bout ta fuckin' /die/. Was... was gonna get hit an' y'don't fuckin' survive a blow from a fuckin' /semi/, no one does, fuck, I... I shoulda been more fuckin' careful, ya'd have been so ashamed a' me if ya knew me then, an' I just... I fuckin'... I was gonna /die,/ an' I was so /fuckin'/ scared, an' it was /all my fuckin' fault/, had I jus' been better, jus' been stronger, none a' this /shit/ woulda happened, an' I was only fuckin' /fourteen/, an' I /didn't fuckin' wanna die/, an' then... t-then..."
Mondo gasps, looking up at the ceiling, dislodging Taka's hand, the most heartbreaking and bitter smile on his lips as his tears leak out of the corners of his eyes, making silver trails down his cheeks, and Taka... he... he can't...
"Got pushed outta the fuckin' way. Fell off the fuckin' bike, thrown off, 'cuz hogs don't got fuckin' seatbelts fer a reason, an' when I stopped skiddin', I... I saw traffic had all stopped, saw the truck, an'... an' I saw... s-saw... Daiya..."
He pauses again, more tears leaking out. His breath is shuddering, face radiating misery, and Taka... he... he wants to...
"Daiya was bleedin'. It... it was so fuckin' bad, Ki... crawled over ta him, took him in my arms, an' I... I... I fuckin' /knew/. He... he... he wasn't gonna fuckin' survive... no one fuckin' survives gettin' hit by a semi, fuckin' knew that, but I... he... K-Ki..."
Another pause. Another sob.
"But he w-wasn't... w-wasn't dead, not yet. An' he... he looked up at me, an' he... he said it was his fuckin' fault, even though we... we both knew it was fuckin' mine... he... he told me ta... ta keep- k-keep the gang- shit... told me t-ta keep the gang together. That we- we fuckin' built it together... an' he... he said it was a fuckin'... fuckin' promise between m-men an' I... I couldn't fuckin' break that shit, Kiyo, couldn't fuckin'... I... s-shit, Ki, I..."
Mondo takes a shallow, shuddering breath there, his body trembling, such misery and pain on his face, but then he... he closes his eyes. And he... he takes several deep breaths. They are shaky at first, but as time goes by, they start to even out. At first, Taka doesn't understand what he's doing, not really, but then he... he realizes. It... it's what Mondo always does for him, when he holds him close and has him follow his breathing. He's... he's calming himself down...
After a few moments of this, Mondo opens his eyes again. And while there is still pain clear within them, he looks... calmer. More in control. He reaches up and he wipes the tears away, and he... he smiles...
"So, I fuckin' did. I... I did. When the gang came 'round, they had a lotta fuckin' whispers 'tween 'em. Said that Daiya knew he was gonna lose ta me, so he... he was the one who got reckless. They... they looked at me with /awe/, Kiyo. Thought that I... that I actually was strong enough ta beat Daiya... fuckin' nonsense, but... but I couldn't tell them the fucking truth. Ya kidding me? They... they'd know how weak I was if I did. How pathetic. An'... and the one thing Daiya asked a' me, the one thing he wanted me ta do... was ta keep the gang together. It was his life's work. The one thing he- he... he took the most pride in. The one thing he had been able ta create. I couldn't lead them if they didn't fucking respect me, Ki. If they knew... if they had any clue how weak and pathetic I was... they'd never follow me. If they knew I was the reason Daiya died... that I /killed him/... that would be it. I'd be fuckin' done. The gang would disband, and all a' it woulda... woulda been fer nothin'. Daiya dyin'... it woulda been for fucking /nothing/. And I... I couldn't let that happen. So... I lied."
Mondo smiles, his lips pulled up, but it's not a nice one. It... it looks painful, and full of grief, and sorrow, and hurt, and his eyes... they reflect the same...
"An' I never fuckin' told anyone the truth. Not even Michi, my second in command. Took the money Daiya was savin' fer college— 'cuz a' course he was gonna do that fuckin' shit, wanted ta be a fuckin' /teacher/ a' all things— an' I... I made sure he had the best fuckin' funeral, an' I... I swore I'd take this secret to the fucking grave. That I'd never... never tell another living person. But then..." Mondo's smile widens, though the despondent look in his eyes only grows, the biker looking like... like... /like he's letting go/... "But then I fuckin' met you. An' you... you made me wanna be fuckin' brave. Like you always were. You... you always were so fucking brave, Ki... but... but me? I... I was such a fucking coward, and now I've fucking ruined everything and I... s'what I fucking deserve, heh. Fer... fer all the shit I've done... don't 'xpect ya ta ever... ever fuckin' forgive me, Ki. Fer... fer all the shit I put ya through... all the shit I've done... I'm a fuckin' killer, killed my own fuckin' brother, only person ta ever fuckin' love me, an' I... I just... don't fuckin' deserve ya. An' now... now ya know why. So... yeah. Yeah."
The room fills with silence as Mondo finishes his piece, his eyes downcast and despondent, but he... he's no longer crying. He just... looks resigned. Broken, in a way that Taka can't stand. He refuses to look at Taka, too, and Taka... Taka hates that, as well. In fact...
"Mondo... M-Mondo, look at me," he commands, his voice wavering, but still as forceful as ever.
When Mondo refuses, when he still stubbornly looks down, Taka repeats his command, voice stronger and not shaking, and then... then Mondo is looking, his eyes wide, pain and heartbreak swirling within them, and Taka doesn't know what to say, what to do, but then he's speaking, and-
"You're such an idiot, kyoudai... such a gosh darn idiot..."
The words hang in the air for several long moments, and then Mondo reels back, confusion replacing the despondency, /like Taka had wanted, god/, and then Taka is /smiling/. It's small, and shaky, but it is /there/. And it... it is genuine.
"Y-you're such... such a gosh darn fool, Mondo... i-if you thought that... that such a thing would- would... would ever make me leave you. Because I /told you/, Mondo. I... I told you. Nothing could ever make me leave you. Not... not anything. And... and /especially/ not that. Not..."
Taka takes a shaking breath here, and then he's moving. He's shifting, forward, forward, always eternally /forward/, and then his hands are on Mondo, and the biker isn't pulling away, is just looking at Taka with confusion, and Taka takes advantage of it long enough to press his forehead tenderly to Mondo's, both of his hands cupping his cheeks, soft and tender, like Mondo always is to him. Because Taka... Taka finally, /finally/ understands. He understands why Mondo has been distant, why he sometimes has such pain in his eyes. Why he keeps Taka at arm's length in certain regards. Why he's done all of it. And it... it's so simple. Really, it is.
It's because he is /grieving/. Because he /blames himself/. Because he... he... he only lost his brother a little over a year and a half ago, in mid-May, Taka knows, and that's not nearly enough time to move on, especially when you blame yourself. Taka should have seen this coming, even without Mondo being somewhat to blame, as grief can make a person see the world in a distorted way. Taka's grief did. It still does if he's being honest. He still blames himself, after all, despite the fact he wasn't— at all— responsible for what had happened to his mother. Of course Mondo is in pain. Of course he is still grieving. Taka still is, and it's been almost /eight years/ for him. Mondo... Taka was a fool to not realize it sooner, honestly...
He and Mondo have always been so much alike, in so many ways, after all...
But. It's not helpful to blame himself for what he hadn't noticed in the past. And... and, quite honestly... he doesn't really want to. This day has already been so emotionally charged. He went from highs to lows to highs to lows, again and again and again, and he... he just wants some peace. He... he wants to make things right, to /prove himself at last/, and to... to hopefully, hopefully, /hopefully/...
Finally kiss Mondo and have him /stay/.
"Not for something that wasn't your fault," he whispers after a moment, finishing his thought at last, pressing close, body and mind and soul. He can feel Mondo shudder against him, the biker shaking his head, and Taka lets him, lets him, but is ready to counter as soon as Mondo speaks.
"No, T-Taka, ya don't... y-ya don't fuckin'... ya don't understand, man... i-it was my fuckin' fault... i-if it- if it weren't for me, Daiya- Daiya, he-"
"No, Mondo," Taka replies softly, leaning forward out of instinct to kiss Mondo's cheek sweetly, like Mondo would always do for him, doing his best to not focus on the way Mondo is starting to tremble against him. "That... while you may have issued the challenge, your brother was the one who accepted it. And... and while you may have been the one to be reckless, /he/ was the one who chose to... who chose to push you out of the way. He... he /chose/ to save you, Mondo. What happened... it was a tragedy. A horrible, terrible tragedy. But... but it wasn't /your fault/. You didn't kill him, Mondo. You... you're not a /murderer/... not at all... not in any way. And... and I'm so sorry for ever, /ever/ even entertaining the thought that you were... you could never do such a thing. You couldn't, kyoudai. And I know that, I know it. You just... you couldn't. Not... not ever, my... my /love/..."
Mondo is starting to tremble horribly against him, his body shaking as his eyes fill with tears again, his breath punching out in horrid gasps. He can feel Mondo trying to pull away, trying to /leave/, but for once... Taka doesn't let him. He tightens his hold, uses the muscles he's spent years building, and he holds on tight. He doesn't trap Mondo, knows that such a thing would only make things worse, but he... he doesn't let him go, either. Doesn't let him flee. And... and after a moment... Mondo settles. He settles, and he /melts/, and suddenly- suddenly Taka's arms are full of a crying biker, Mondo hiding his face in Taka's neck as he silently cries, arms wrapping around him so tightly Taka wonders if he'll ever let go. Hopes that he doesn't, not now, not ever.
And Taka just wraps his arms around Mondo in return, moving one hand to weave into Mondo's hair— holding him close to his chest— while the other moves to his back, so he can rub soothing circles there. Taka doesn't know what happened to the rose, he must have dropped it at some point and not even noticed, but he... it doesn't matter. Not now. Not when he's holding something far more fragile and far, far more precious. Not when this moment is so utterly important, not when this moment could make or break their entire existence. Taka can still remember Mondo's words, saying that he- he /dreams of marrying Taka, of raising children with him, of... of building a life together/. He remembers Mondo saying that he /loves him, he loves him, god, he loves him/, and he... he knows that things are still not okay. That Mondo... that Mondo is just as badly broken as he is, if not more so, and that this is going to be /hard/. That it's going to be hard to- to be with Mondo, especially when they are both so insecure, so broken, but... but he thinks that- that if they can just get past this initial hurdle, this preliminary speed bump... if they can just do that, then they... they will be /okay/. That if Taka can just find the words to convince Mondo that he wants this, that he... he... he wants /him, all of him/... then maybe... just maybe...
Taka doesn't know how long he and Mondo huddle together on the floor, the biker shaking against him as he cries. It starts to get uncomfortable fairly early on, as they are not even leaning against anything and are just in the middle of the floor, Taka awkwardly hunched as Mondo clings desperately to him, but he doesn't care. If he were stronger— physically, he means— then he could lift Mondo up and bring him to the couch, like Mondo would always do for him. But while he is not exactly weak himself, he knows that he has absolutely no hope of deadlifting 168 pounds of pure muscle. Not a single chance. So, sitting here in the middle of their shared bedroom it is. And Taka... Taka can't find it in him to care. Not at all. Not one single bit.
Not when Mondo is finally, /finally/ letting him in.
And part of him does feel selfish for the thought, of course it does, it's /him/, after all. But... but the majority of him just doesn't care. Because he's so very, very tired of hating himself. Because he's so utterly tired of being miserable. And he knows that this isn't something he can fix in himself overnight. He knows that his self-hatred and self-destructive tendencies won't just disappear, not even if he and Mondo do get together. Anxiety and- and depression don't just go away because you want them to, after all. And he knows that. He... he knows it.
But...
But, with Mondo, together... if he can fix this, if he can convince Mondo, if they are able to actually give /them/ an honest try... then...
Then maybe he can have something to motivate him to /keep going/. To /keep trying/. To /keep on pushing,/ even when it gets hard, even when he hurts. And he... he can do that for Mondo, too. Provide support and assistance and love, love, /love/, to show the biker that he may not be perfect, but that that is /okay/. That the person he is, is... so much more than okay...
And maybe... m-maybe... maybe Taka can even try to go to therapy... maybe. The thought makes him want to squirm, his insides roiling at the very idea, knowing that his father has always been very critical of seeing a 'shrink,' but... but maybe it will help. Maybe they will help him figure out how to stop feeling so worthless all the time, how to better compartmentalize the things that have happened to him, how to just... learn how to be okay with the person is he, not constantly striving to be the person he wants to be. Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe.
All of this swirls inside Taka's mind as he holds Mondo, as he soothes him, mouth saying calming words that he barely even contemplates. He just... he says them. Breathes them. Means them. He can feel as Mondo shakes against him and he wants so badly to take that pain away, wishes he could take it into himself if only it meant that Mondo would stop hurting so badly. All he can do, though, is whisper soothing words, loving words, telling the biker how much he adores him, how incredible he thinks he is, how... how utterly amazing...
And... and at one point, he doesn't know how long later, Taka... Taka finds himself /singing/. And- and he doesn't even know /why/, he's never sung before in his life, not anything that wasn't a school anthem, but he... he...
And... and it's /awful/, so out of tune it's not funny, the notes shaking and sour and wrong, but he... he /tries/, he tries, and when he feels Mondo freeze against him... feels the biker breathe shakily as Taka sings horribly... he...
"/And at last, I see the light. And it's like... the fog has lifted... a-and at last, I see the light. And it's like the sky is new... a-and it's warm... a-and real... and bright... and the world has somehow... s-shifted... All at once, everything looks... different. Now that I... see you/..."
Taka isn't sure what had made him want to sing that song, of all songs, but he... it... it had made sense to him, at the time. It had been one of his favorites from the animated Disney movies Mondo had had them watch, Taka leaning against Mondo while it played, his heart aching, finding himself relating to the song so, so much... and he finds himself petering out as the chorus fades away, knowing the song is a duet and knowing that he- he can't possibly sing both parts himself, content to go back to whispering words of comfort, hoping his horrid singing didn't make things even worse, when-
"/All those days, chasin' down a daydream... all those years, livin' in a blur... all that time, never truly seein', things, the way they were/..."
Taka's heart stops entirely at the soft, rumbling voice that sounds against him, large hands clutching his uniform tightly, shaking badly, but... but lessening with each note that is sung. And it's not much better than Taka's singing, neither teen really able to carry a tune, but... but Taka can't help how he gasps, heart so full it aches, especially when he feels Mondo pulling back as the first half of the verse peters out, Mondo's eyes slowly dragging up, and when they finally meet his, soft lavender that looks so utterly tired and wan, and yet... and yet also so utterly /adoring/...
"/Now h-he's here, shinin' in the starlight... now he's here... suddenly... I know... i-if he's here, it's... it's crystal clear, I'm where I'm meant to go..."/
And as Mondo opens his mouth to sing the last chorus, Taka knows... h-he knows how the song goes, what is meant of him, and while he can feel his cheeks flush bright red, part of him so utterly embarrassed at this entire thing, he just... he can't help it. It's like something out of a movie. Something... something out of a book. And it's cliche, and ridiculous, and a little stupid, but... but /god/, is it nice...
And so, together, they... they /sing/...
"/And at last, I see the light... and it's like the fog has lifted... and at last, I see the light... and it's like the sky is new. And it's warm, and real, and bright... and the world has somehow... shifted..."/
Taka can feel as Mondo drifts closer to him, can feel his breath as it puffs against his lips, so much like earlier that day that he almost- almost wants to panic, wants to... to... but then Mondo is finishing the song, and Taka wants to sing as well, but his throat has closed up, all of the emotion of the day catching up to him, and it's all he can do to listen as Mondo finishes the song himself, his voice steady and clear as he rumbles the lyrics out, the best music Taka has ever... ever heard...
"/All at once, everythin' is different... now that I see you. Now that I... see... you.../"
Mondo is leaning close again, lips practically touching Taka's, and Taka... Taka cannot help the anxiety that rises in him at the sensation, mind bitterly reminding him how this ended the last time, but he... he pushes that away. Because... because, maybe this will end in disaster. Maybe this will end in tears and heartbreak like the last time. Maybe this will lead to nothing, and Taka will feel his heart ache for the rest of his goddamn life. Maybe... maybe.
But... but maybe...
Maybe it ends /good/. Maybe it ends with them /together/. Maybe... maybe Mondo will finally see that Taka /means it/ when he says he won't leave, and maybe... m-maybe...
"K-Kiyo... I... I got somethin' ta tell ya..." he hears Mondo mutter against him, lips so close they brush with every syllable. Taka shudders at the sensation, and almost doesn't register the words Mondo had said. But when silence echoes around them, Taka looks deep into Mondo's eyes, wanting... needing...
"W-what? My... m-my dearest..."
He feels Mondo smile softly at the words, sees his eyes as they crinkle, the sadness still there, but... but the /mysterious emotion/ rising within them with every second that passes, and Taka... he... h-he...
"I fucking... I fucking love you, Kiyo... I... I'm fucking /in love with you/... I- I tried not ta be, tried ta tell myself that I- that I didn't fuckin' deserve ta... t-ta... an' I know that... that I fucked things up today... that I... that I fuckin'... fuckin' almost ruined things today, that I... that I let my fuckin' nonsense almost... t-that I fuckin' /hurt you, god, I fuckin'/..."
Mondo trails off then, his breath coming in harsh pants, his body shaking again, and it's all Taka can do to raise his hand and press it to Mondo's cheek, warm and steady, holding him in place. He feels Mondo shudder at the sensation, and before Taka can say anything, can deny the words and make promises he knows he will always, always keep, Mondo is talking, voice low and steady, full of /promise/ and /adoration/ and... a-and /love/...
"S-shit, Ki... I shouldn't a' let my fuckin' insecurities weigh me down like that, shouldn't a' let my anger fucking ruin things. I shoulda trusted ya, shoulda known that ya... that y-you... shoulda known you wouldn't a' reacted like I thought you would. Shoulda given you the chance ta fuckin'... fuckin' hear what I did and make yer own fucking choice, not just assume like I did. And I... I shoulda done a lot a' fucking things today, shouldn't a' done a lotta fucking others, and I'm so fucking sorry, Ki. I'm so... so sorry..."
Mondo pauses, breathing heavily, but once again he's pressing on before Taka even has a hope of speaking, his eyes shining with what Taka thinks is a mixture of tears and heartache and... and something more... something a little like... l-like...
Hope...
"But... shit. Kiyo. Taka. B-babe... if... if ya think ya can find it in ya t-ta... ta forgive me... an' I know it ain't gonna be easy, know I got a lot ta fuckin' make up for, and I promise I will, I fuckin'... fuckin' /promise/ I will... but... s-shit. If ya... if you think you can find it in you to forgive me one day... then I... I promise I'll do everything in my power ta not... not do shit like this again. I can't promise I never will, wish I could, but... but I promise ta /trust you/, Kiyo. Fully. Completely. Promise ta not lie ta you, or hide things from you... I promise ta do all I fuckin' can ta... t-to make this work... t-to make /us/ work... to... to show you, every fucking day how much you mean to me, Kiyo, mind, body, and soul... I promise... I promise to /love you/, to make sure you fuckin' know that, so that you never think yourself unlovable or unworthy or a burden, or whatever other shit you... y-you think you are... and I even promise to try and stop cursing so much, to- to /better myself/, to... t-to maybe one day be worthy a' being... b-being the h-husband to the- the /fucking Prime Minister/, and I... I know that's fu- fricken thinking too far ahead, we ain't even dating, god, but I... I promise that I- I want that, Ki. A future. With you. An' I know it ain't gonna be easy, baby, I know it's gonna be so... s-so fricken hard... but I want so badly to /try/. To... t-to try, for you... I promise I will /try/, that I want you, all of you, if you... i-if you want... a-an' if ya don't... if you don't... then I won't argue... know I messed up here, know I... know I hurt you so fricken bad, Kiyo, Christ... but I... I- I..."
Taka shakes his head, his throat thick and pressure building behind his eyes again and he... h-he... he can't quite believe what it is he is hearing. He can't... he can't quite believe that this is /real/. That... that Mondo... that he wants... that things are actually falling into place this way. Of course, he had /hoped/ it would, but... but he'd never actually expected it, not after all they had said to one another earlier, not after the heartache and the pain and the suffering. He...
He wants to say /yes/, wants to tell Mondo that he would want nothing more, wants to make promises right on back, wants to... t-to... to promise Mondo the world, if only he were to ask for it, promise the sun and the moon too, and the stars for good measure, wants to... to promise...
But he... he /can't/, he can't, his throat is too thick, too heavy, but he can't do nothing, he refuses to do that. And so, he... he does the one thing he /can/ do, the one thing he's been wanting to do this entire goddamn time, since the moment he met this wondrous, incredible boy, in a hallway before school even started, running into him headfirst and falling so completely and utterly, head over heels. Because he wants... so badly does he want...
And so... for the first time in his life... he /takes/.
Throwing all caution to the wind one more time, Taka surges forward with reckless abandon, pushing all fears and negative thoughts aside as he finally, finally, /finally/ lets his lips press against Mondo's again, all lips and teeth and /pressure/. He slots his lips against the warm ones before him like he was born to do it, angling his head for the best angle, letting out a soft moan at the feeling of soft, warm lips finally, /finally/ pressing against his own.
And... when Mondo finally gets over his momentary shock and starts to /kiss back/...
Taka moans loudly at the feel of warm hands rising to grip his face tightly, holding him in place, holding him so, so close. He gasps at the feel of Mondo pressing against him, so desperate and needy and /wonderful/ that he wants to cry again. And he shudders when he feels a warm /tongue/ press against the seam of his lips, slipping into his mouth when he opens up immediately, their tongues meeting at last in a glorious slide that is all give and all take, both equal in their desire at long, long last.
He can't help the soft noise of surprise he lets out when he feels Mondo push him back and he finds himself crashing to the ground with a soft *oof*. It doesn't hurt though, since Mondo's arms are there to cushion his fall, Mondo barely waiting a second before he's pressing down onto Taka, his lips incessant and fervent and oh, so passionate. It's everything Taka has ever wanted and /more/, and it's all he can do to kiss back, surging up against the firm body above him, panting and moaning and /wanting, wanting, wanting/. And when Mondo eventually pulls back, he whines softly, but then there are lips on his face, on his cheeks and his eyelids and his temple, and then they are trailing down his neck and they are /biting/ and they are /sucking/ and Taka is /moaning/, god, he wants this, wants Mondo, wants all of him, /please/-
"Shit... h-holy shit, Kiyo... I... I fuckin' love you, I f-fuckin'... I fuckin' love you so fuckin' much, please believe me, I... I don't wanna ever be with anyone other than you, you're /it/ for me, I... K-Ki... I... I /love you.../"
And Taka can't take it, the tears start to fall, but it's /good/, so good, and when Mondo pulls back and looks at him with /anguish/, he shakes his head and he smiles and he laughs, and he laughs, and he /laughs/.
"I... I never thought I'd hear you say that, kyoudai... I never thought... I- I want it. Too. What you... you said, earlier. I want all of it, all of /you/, and I... I promise, too. To always trust you. To not lie or keep secrets. To be as open as I possibly can, to /let you in/, t-to... to /try/. Because I know this won't be easy. I- I know it will make everything more complicated, more challenging, more- more... everything. But I /know/ it will be worth it, Mondo. I know that /you/ will be worth it. Because you are /everything to me/. Y-you know, I- I never understood what my mother meant when she spoke of love, how it is the sweetest and most wonderful torture in the world, but I... I think I know now. I truly do. This will be hard, and we will have to /work hard/ to- to make it work, but I have spent my whole life working hard, Mondo. I know how to do it, and I know that this... t-this is /worth it/. That you are worth it. That /we/... we are worth it... nothing worth having in life comes for free, my dearest, nor does it come without effort, and I know that we are worth it. I know we are, Mondo. I... I /know/..."
He gasps when he feels Mondo surge against him again, the biker kissing him like his life depends on it, like Taka's lips are the oxygen he needs to live, like... like... like he /loves Taka and never wants to be apart from him ever, ever again/...
"Okay... o-okay, Kiyo I... I promise. We're gonna fuckin- I mean... fricken do this, we're gonna... holy... h-heh... y-you have no idea how- how fricken happy I am right now, K-Ki... no fricken idea..."
Taka lets out a soft laugh at the words, giving Mondo a few more desperate kisses before he pulls back a little, looking the biker directly in the eyes, his own shining with an internal light that he doesn't think will ever die out. Not as long as he has Mondo, at least...
"I- I think I have some idea, Mondo... y-you have no idea how long I- I have been wanting this..." Taka whispers against Mondo's lips, unable to help himself when he kisses him again, privately thinking that he never, ever wants to do anything else ever, ever again...
"How long? H-how... how long?"
Taka smiles at the breathy words, pressing the side of his nose to Mondo's, nuzzling him softly.
"Since- since the first day. When I r-ran into you... I- I didn't know what... what it meant, not at first, but... b-but I've wanted to kiss you since... since the moment I saw you..."
The taste of Mondo's laughter is the best thing in the entire world, Taka definitively decides a moment later, when Mondo lets out a deep, breathy laugh, the sound getting muffled when Taka surges up to kiss it off Mondo's lips.
"F-fu- I mean... frick, Ki. Me too. Me... me fricken too. I'm so sorry it took me so stupidly long ta realize it, though. So, so sorry..."
It's Taka's turn to laugh, the sound a little desperate, and he finds himself shaking his head almost desperately as well.
"Don't... don't, Mondo. We... we got there in the end, didn't we? And... a-and, you don't have to censor yourself... n-not around me... I- a-aha. I don't mind your cursing; I've told you that. It just makes up /you/, my... my /love/. I don't want you to change, Mondo. Not if you- if you don't want to. I don't care what- what the world thinks of you... I- I /love you/, exactly as you are... and I wouldn't change a single thing..."
And the most wonderful thing is... /he means it/. He means it, he means it, he truly, truly means it. He means it even /more/ when Mondo pulls back slightly and looks him in the eyes, a bit of a dazed look on his face.
"S-sh... shit, ya mean that, Ki? 'Cuz I... I don't mind, ya know. Changin'. Fer... fer you... know I ain't an angel, know I got lotsa- lotsa problems, an' I can work on 'em... if ya... if ya want me ta..."
Taka smiles brightly, heart full at the words, but he shakes his head firmly.
"/No,/ kyoudai... you- you don't have to do that... I don't /want/ you to... not unless you want to, okay? Because... because I love you for you. And no one is perfect, Mondo. No one. All we can do is... is be ourselves and hope that that can... can be enough..."
Taka finds that he absolutely adores the wide-eyed look Mondo gives him, but he adores the soft and bright and /happy/ look Mondo gets a moment later even more. And he adores the way Mondo leans down to kiss him deeply even more than that.
"Same- s-same fer you... okay? 'Cuz you... I ain't gonna call ya perfect, but... but you really are incredible, ya know? An' I just... I don't wantcha ta ever think ya gotta change... ever again. 'Cuz y'ain't. Got it?"
Taka smiles shakily and nods, and for once... for once he is willing to listen and actually accept it. Everyone changes as they go through life, it's just how life works, he knows that. But... but maybe it's okay to just let it happen organically, while not always trying so hard to force it. Maybe it would be best for him to learn how to... how to live with being him without constantly changing himself to fit in... to /belong/...
"But uh... heh. I, uh... I'd still like ta work on myself, though. I fuckin' know I get too angry all the time... that I say shit I don't mean an' destroy everythin' with it... an' I don't wanna keep doin' that. Gettin' angry an' ruinin' things, hurtin' people, lettin' it consume me an' shit... heh. I- I've tried ta work on it, an' it's so fuckin' hard, but, uh... I don't wanna keep bein' like this, shit... breakin' things... Ki, I..."
Taka beams up at Mondo, leaning up to kiss him softly, sweetly. It doesn't have the same urgency as the previous kisses, it is slow and sweet and deep, and it... it's so utterly /perfect/...
"I- I will help you, Mondo... I promise... we will work on it together... a-and I want to work on my- my insecurity and anxiety... I- I don't like being like this, either... w-we... we can work on it together, b-both of us... o-okay?"
Mondo shudders against him, nodding back as he just kisses Taka again, the same slow and sweet one from a moment before, and then... then no more words are shared as they take their time to explore one another in this new, wondrous way.
Taka has no idea how much time passes as they kiss lazily, Mondo's lips pressing against his again and again and again. Over and over, the sensation never growing old, no matter how many times they do it. While Taka still feels a little fragile from everything that happened earlier, he starts getting more and more confident and settled as they go. It gets easier to believe that this is /real/ when he can feel Mondo pressing down against him; his lips forceful and incessant against his, with his body pressing firmly down onto him. Not to mention how Mondo will occasionally mutter how much he /loves him/ against his lips, whispered like a prayer, again and again and again and /again/. And Taka will whisper it back, like an oath, so ridiculously /happy/ to finally be able to confess. To release the words that have been echoing inside his head and his heart for months now. So ridiculously happy to... to /have Mondo/, to... to have...
Eventually Mondo does pull back, nuzzling his cheek gently, breath shuddering and weak, but so utterly tender it... it's almost too much again...
"S-shit, Ki... we, uh... we should get up. Ain't good ta- ta be on the floor like this, baby... s-should... s-shit..." Mondo trails off as he leans down and kisses Taka again, soft and chaste, like he can't help himself. And Taka... Taka can't help how he laughs, nodding against the biker. He then leans up to give Mondo another kiss, even as he softly pushes the biker away.
"Y-yes... w-we should get up... w-we... we can move to the b-bed... i-if you... if you would like," he whispers against Mondo's lips, loving how the biker shudders against him at the whispered words, Mondo nodding desperately as he goes.
"Y-yeah... y-yeah, Kiyo. Yeah..."
Even with that decided, it still takes them a couple more minutes to put their plan into action, the pair constantly getting distracted with kissing and nipping and /groping/. Taka finally manages to find the strength to push Mondo away, only a little, sitting up shakily as he smiles at the utterly beautiful biker who also sits. He's still wearing his outfit from earlier, the white coat gleaming in the mid-afternoon sun, though the shirt is rumpled now, his hair an absolute mess, but it doesn't matter. Mondo has never looked more /beautiful/ to him.
As Taka looks down at the ground to try and collect himself, heart and mind overwhelmed by the rush of /love/ he feels fill him, his eyes get caught by a flash of red on the blue tile floor, causing a soft laugh to escape his lips, heart clenching pleasantly at the sight.
Leaning forward, Taka carefully picks up the rose he'd dropped earlier, cradling it carefully in his hands, doing his best to straighten the slightly squashed petals, trying to fix it as accurately as he can. He can't help the smile that rises when he manages to return the rose to some form of its former glory, though he knows it will never be exactly the same as it once was. But that... that's okay. It's still beautiful regardless...
Struck by inspiration, Taka looks up at Mondo and smiles brightly. And he... he leans forward and gently tucks the rose behind the biker's ear, his fingers gentle as they brush the biker's temple. Reverent. When he pulls back, it's with great reluctance, never wanting to be apart from the biker ever, ever again. But the sight of him, sitting on the floor, red rose in his horribly tangled hair... it's so good, so wonderful, that he can't help how he darts forward again, kissing again, and again, and again... never wanting to do anything else, ever...
"God, I love you, Mondo... I love you so, so much," he whispers, so much meaning in his voice it shakes with it, and then Mondo's arms are around his waist, pulling him close, and they're lost in kissing once more.
"Love you- love you, too, Ki... god, I fuckin' love you..." Mondo breathes back, after several moments have passed, forehead pressed tight to Taka's, mindful of the achingly fragile rose he now carries. Taka smiles, privately thinking how he will /never/ grow tired of hearing Mondo say that... not ever...
Feeling emboldened by his overwhelming /love/, Taka leans forward and whispers directly in Mondo's ear, asking for the one thing he now finds that he desperately, desperately wants...
"M-Mondo... will you... w-will you m-/make love to me/?" he questions softly, voice wavering but still audible. Still understandable. And as he feels Mondo stiffen against him, the biker letting out a breathy whine at the words... he finds that he doesn't regret saying it, even with the spike of anxiety that hits him as he realizes what, exactly, he's asking for. N-not that he regrets it! He doesn't. Just... he... he's never actually /asked/ for them to do anything, much less... l-less...
"God, Ki... ain't nothin' in this fuckin' world I would want ta do more, ya kiddin' me, baby? God, wanna feel you... all a' you... s-shit, babe, goddamn..." Mondo mutters, turning so that his lips are pressed to Taka's ear now, soft and sensual, nipping his earlobe gently as he goes. Taka whimpers softly at the feeling, hands lifting to hold onto Mondo, unable to do anything else.
Before he can get used to the sensation, though, Mondo is pulling back, smile slightly sad as he reaches up and brushes back the fringe on Taka's forehead. And Taka... Taka feels a small spike of /fear/ hit him when Mondo shakes his head slightly, wondering if Mondo doesn't want that, doesn't /want him/, but then Mondo is speaking, and... a-and...
"But... but, uh... think we should wait fer that, okay? I... I want that shit ta be special, ya know? Got a- a whole thing planned out fer it, even, though I never... never fuckin' imagined ya wantin' ta do that shit with me, Christ... but I... I don't think we should do that today. Not after... I don't want it ta be fucking ruined by my fucking nonsense from earlier. Want it ta mean somethin' 'tween us, want it ta be special and somethin' utterly its own, not marred by anger or pain, baby. Want... want ya ta enjoy it fully just 'cuz ya want it, not... not 'cuz yer feelin' fragile 'cuz a' my bullshit. D'ya... d'ya understand? Ain't rejectin' ya, or sayin' no, just, uh... what's it called, uh... fuckin' rain check?"
The words are sweet and loving, and while Taka can't help but feel a little /disappointed/, he understands completely. He... Mondo is probably right, honestly... while he knows he wants that, wants Mondo fully, it's not something for them to rush into. They... they... /they have time/. And isn't that a marvel to think about?
Taka doesn't have time to say anything before Mondo is talking again, though, voice wavering slightly, eyes tight but still full of meaning and... and desire, and... a-and /love/... and Taka... he...
"B-but, uh... we- we can fuckin'... fuckin' /do other things/, if, uh... if y-ya wanna... can make ya feel so fuckin' good, Ki... c-can try ta make up for the fuckin' pain I caused ya, s-shit..."
Taka feels his eyes widen at the words, shaking his head before he can think, not realizing the implication, not at first. He just... he wanted to deny the last part of what Mondo said, about making up for the pain, not... not the first part. /God/, not the first part. But when he feels Mondo reel back, a heartbreaking look on his face, he realizes his folly and shakes his head harder, eyes wide as he tries to rectify things, /again/. God, this... this is going to happen a lot, isn't it...? W-well! Good thing Taka isn't the kind to give up so easily!
"A-ah! I didn't mean to imply that I- I didn't want to- t-to... to /do things/ with you, Mondo! I... I do! Very much so! I just... I don't want you to think you must make anything up to me! I- I... I have forgiven you, Mondo, completely! You... you were hurting, /grieving/, and I... I do not blame you for the pain you caused me! Not at all! Not... n-not now, not when... w-when we..."
It's Mondo's turn to shake his head, his body relaxing from the fear and pain that had previously filled it, but now he looks /sad/, which guts Taka, really... he never wants Mondo to look sad... not... not ever...
"S-shit... Ki, you... you're too fuckin' forgivin', baby, I've said it before... an' I ain't gonna fuckin' listen ta that shit. Not this time. 'Cuz no matter what ya say, I ain't deservin' a bein' forgiven so fuckin' easily. An' it ain't even my self-hatred sayin' that shit. I know what I fuckin' said, know how goddamn awful I fuckin' was. Was fuckin'... fuckin' /abusive/, wanted ta fuckin' /hurt you/, an' I fuckin'... I fuckin' promised myself that I wouldn't ever be like that, shit, Ki... 'least not t'wards someone I love so fuckin' much... an' even if you can fuckin' forgive me so easily, I fuckin' can't. I just... I /can't/. But... but I ain't gonna fuckin' run from this shit. Ain't gonna let it ruin us. 'M gonna make it up ta you. Somehow... somehow, I will. Promise. Man's promise. I will /fix this/, Ki. Even if it takes me the rest a' my fuckin' life ta do it... I /promise/."
The softly spoken words strike the heart of him, making him gasp harshly, tears filling his eyes at the meaning, though he doesn't really know why. Just... he... he... he has spent his entire life forgiving the slights done against him. Pushing down his own pain in order to not break down with anger and pain and indignant rage. He forgives, and he forgives, and he forgives, because he /must/, because it's all he can give to make up for the sin of existing. Because it is the /moral thing to do/. To- to forgive others who have done wrong to you, even if they don't... don't /apologize/ first... he... he always...
But here Mondo is. Saying that /he doesn't have to forgive so easily/. And he... he still /does/ forgive Mondo, can't hold his actions against him, not now that they are finally working towards fixing things between them, but it... the knowledge that he /doesn't have to, not if he doesn't want to/ is... it's overwhelming. And... and he...
"O-okay, k-kyoudai... o-okay. I... I still forgive you, but... but /okay/. And... a-and... t-thank you..."
He smiles shakily at Mondo, who smiles shakily back, the sadness still in his eyes, but fading with every moment that passes, replaced by such overwhelming /love/ that Taka can't help but lean forward and kiss that shaky smile off Mondo's face, since he can /do that now/...
"I- I love you, Mondo... and... and I would love to go and /do things/ with you now, if you... i-if you... y-you want..."
Mondo's laughter is still the most wonderful thing he has ever tasted, the biker nodding slowly against him, a wide smile slash smirk rising on his lips, eyes sparkling with /desire/, and Taka... mm. Taka /adores it/.
"Hell /fucking yes/, Kiyo. Shit, man... gonna make ya feel so fucking good, baby... fucking promise... god, I fucking love you... s-shit..."
Taka whimpers softly at the words again, kissing him deeper, needing to /feel him/, needing... god, he /needs/...
"Y-yes... M-Mondo, /yes/... b-but I... I want to- to feel you, too... I- I want... I /want/-"
"God, yeah, baby, hell yeah. Think I- think I know what we can do, s-so we both can- can feel each other. Can save the big shit fer later, but this... I know what we can fuckin' do... god, Ki, fuckin'... god... i-if ya- ya wanna stop at any point... tell me an' I will, god, Ki... promise..."
With that, he feels Mondo pull back, the biker standing on shaky legs. Taka is right behind him, though, breath shaking as he takes the hand Mondo proffers and follows the biker to the bed, sitting down on it when Mondo pushes him gently. Everything in him is roiling oh so pleasantly, his heart so completely soft when he watches Mondo carefully remove the rose from his hair, placing it reverently in a glass of water that sits behind the bed on the desk, smiling at it beautifully.
And then Mondo is back, kneeling in front of him, surging up to kiss him firmly. He feels deft fingers attack his jacket buttons, undoing them skillfully, pushing it off as he goes, his dress shirt following soon after. He then feels Mondo tug his undershirt up and over his head in one fell swoop, barely pulling back before his lips are there again, kissing like his life depends on it. Taka feels hands on his fly, then, loosening his trousers and taking them off sensually, all before Taka can even find the presence of mind to take off Mondo's coat, god...
Realizing this gross oversight, Taka feels as his hands move, returning the favor, Mondo moaning as he helps Taka out, shrugging out of his duster easily, helping with the row of buttons on his rumpled shirt, shrugging that off, too. His slacks go next, and soon they are wearing only underwear, both shuddering at the slight chill in the near winter air.
He feels, then, as Mondo gently pushes him back, maneuvering him so that he is positioned at the center of the bed, atop the bedsheets, Mondo hovering over him, looking at him like he's /absolutely everything/ again, and it... /god/, is it good. He thought this was good before, thought that /doing things/ with Mondo was perfect already, but this... feeling Mondo press against him, their bodies moving in sync, both so much /in love/ neither knows what to do...
Taka gasps harshly when he feels Mondo reach down and pull his briefs down, pulling them off entirely with only slightly clumsy hands. Taka returns the favor quickly, moaning at the thought that they both are /naked together/, though he has eyes only for Mondo's. It's not the first time this has happened, not even close, but it /is/ the first time after they confessed their love for one another, and thus it makes it /special/.
And then... /then/...
*Mondo is taking them both in hand, their /manhoods/ pressing tightly together, and it feels so, so /good/ that Taka moans again, bucking his hips up in time with Mondo's movements. It feels a little awkward at first, the slide dry and jarring, but then Mondo is reaching behind the bed, grabbing the /lube/ they have taken to just /leaving there, god/, slicking them up skillfully, and then it's better, god, their bodies moving in time as he fully appreciates this idea of Mondo's. They've not done this yet, Mondo previously content with exploring Taka with his lips and teeth and hands, giving more /hand and blow jobs/ than anything else, but now... god, now he wants to do this /exclusively/, because there's just something so utterly incredible about feeling Mondo against him like this, hearing him pant and moan and whine, the biker kissing him and whispering soft words of /love/ against his lips, Taka whispering right on back, and he... h-he... /this.../
**It's over far, far too soon, Taka releasing faster than usual, given the emotion of the day, but Mondo is right behind him, yelling with his release, body collapsing atop him, but he doesn't mind, /god/ he doesn't mind... he wants to feel Mondo against him, above him, forever and ever and ever, honestly... there is nothing better than this. Absolutely /nothing/.
Well... except maybe what comes next. When Mondo's breathing returns to a more normal pace, the fervent kisses he laves his neck with dying down as he shifts them so Taka is lying atop his bare chest, fingers drawing absent shapes on the warm flesh. He can feel Mondo's arm wrap tight around him, the biker whispering more words of love and adoration against the crown of his head and he... he just... he feels more content than he ever has before. He... he feels...
"I love you, Mondo... I really do," he whispers for the hundredth time that day, still marveling over the fact that he's /allowed to say that now/. And then... when Mondo replies back in kind, leaning down to kiss him... he marvels even more, heart so unbelievably happy he can barely contain it.
And this all doesn't erase what happened earlier that day. This doesn't get rid of the heartache or the absolute /despair/ he'd felt, he knows that. But this... this is a wonderful /start/. A beautiful start to what he knows will be a /beautiful/ relationship. Him and Mondo. Mondo and him. Together against the world. Working to /heal/ themselves, but not necessarily /change/ themselves. Just... working on the parts that make them hurt. Healing the broken and jagged edges, smoothing them down so it doesn't hurt so badly anymore. The thought of it all is very daunting, and not a little bit terrifying, but now... now that he has Mondo, now that they are /together/, he... he feels... he feels like he can /do it/. With Mondo... with Mondo he feels like he can /do anything/. Absolutely anything...
"Hey, Mondo?" Taka mutters several minutes later, pulling back from the lazy kissing they've settled into, the feeling somehow even better than the /sexual act/ they just did, heart so full he wants to burst. He can feel Mondo hum against him, his warm hand rubbing up and down his back. They'd managed to wiggle their way under the covers at some point, so it's nice and cozy and just... incredible. He loses his train of thought as he lets the warm feeling overwhelm him, but in a very, very good way...
"Yeah, baby? Ya doin' okay?" he hears Mondo mumble a moment later, a hint of worry in the words, reminding him abruptly about what he wanted to say. Smiling brightly, he looks up at Mondo, nodding happily.
"Y-yes, Mondo... I'm doing /amazing/... I just... I was thinking," he starts, before stopping again, biting his lip as he thinks. He hears Mondo groan, before the biker is leaning forward and kissing him again, taking the lip he'd just been biting and /biting it for him/. A-ah... how... how /erotic/...
"God, Kiyo... ya drive me so fuckin' crazy when ya bite yer lip like that, Christ... don't know how often I've had ta physically stop myself from leanin' over an' bitin' yer lip fer ya, god... heh. Sorry fer interruptin', just... heh. Go on, baby. What were ya thinkin'?" Mondo mutters against him, smiling softly as he pulls back, looking a little sheepish. Taka doesn't mind though. He doesn't mind /at all/, and in fact is unable to help how he darts forward to kiss Mondo again, knowing whatever he wants to say can wait a little longer.
Eventually he does pull back again, laughing so softly it's not funny, god... he's just... he's just so /happy/. And for once... there's no hidden pain to mar the wondrous feeling. What a marvel...
"A-ah... I was just thinking that... t-that while I still like calling you /kyoudai/, the title holding a special place in my heart, I just... I- I don't know if it's the best thing to call you a-anymore... I- I had another title in mind that might... might work better..."
Taka can feel Mondo go still below him, his breath coming out in short pants as the biker looks up at him, eyes wide with what Taka knows isn't /fear/, which makes him think the biker understands where he is going with this. Good... that... that's good... now if only he could decipher the look on Mondo's face, he could tell what the biker thinks about his upcoming proposal...
"O-oh, uh... y-yeah? What... w-what did ya have in mind then, baby?"
Taka smiles softly, his heart beating fast, but he... he's not afraid. Not now. Not... not /now/. Even if Mondo doesn't approve of his request, he knows the biker will be kind in his rejection. He... he /knows it/...
"A-ah... w-well, I was thinking that... that /kareshi/ may... m-may work better..."
Mondo is now fully frozen against him, his breathing shallow, and Taka can feel some anxiety fill him, hoping that this wasn't too much, too soon, but then Mondo is /laughing/, breathy and happy, and he... Taka... /god/ is he happy...
"H-holy shit... y-you wanna call me yer... y-yer /boyfriend/, Ki? 'C-cuz... 'cuz I'm all fer it, if ya... y-ya really want ta, baby..."
It's Taka's turn to laugh, the relief mixing with the absolute /love/ he feels in his heart, and Taka nuzzles against Mondo's chest, pressing a light kiss to the warm flesh there.
"Y-yes... yes I would... kareshi," Taka mumbles against Mondo's skin, adoring the way the biker trembles at the words, his arm deliciously tight around him.
"S-shit... then I... I fuckin' will do everythin' I fuckin' can ta be a good /kareshi/ ta you, Ki... gonna try so fuckin' hard ta be the boyfriend ya deserve... promise, baby. Fuckin'... fuckin' promise..."
Taka laughs again, and then he feels himself getting moved, the only warning he gets being a soft growl before he's on his back, Mondo's lips insistent on his, their bodies surging together as their refractory period finally seems to be over, their /manhoods/ swelling with desire once more as they press firmly together...
Before they can get too far, though, Taka can hear a rhythmic buzzing echo around the room, making him pull back and frown, wondering what it is. He feels Mondo laugh breathlessly against his lips, pressing one last kiss before pulling back completely, sitting back on his legs as he looks down at Taka. Taka doesn't really mind, though. Not with the wonderful view he is currently being subjected to...
"Heh... think that's yer phone, Kiyo. Been buzzin' all fuckin' day. So's mine. 'Ve just been ignorin' it, but, uh... guess they got tired a' textin' an' are now callin', heh... guess I did kinda make a fuckin' scene, didn't I? S-shit..."
His heart aches softly at the self-deprecating look he sees on Mondo's face, and he can't help how he sits up, arms wrapping around the biker firmly.
"It's okay, kareshi... i-it's okay... we- we worked it out... and it- it's /okay/," Taka promises, nuzzling Mondo's cheek gently with his own. He feels Mondo shudder against him, arms reaching for him, pulling him close, and he goes willingly. Happily.
The pair stays like that, pressed tight together, until Taka hears another shorter, singular buzz, indicating he has a voicemail to listen to. Grimacing, he pulls back gingerly, smiling shakily at his /boyfriend/.
"A-ah... I should- should probably go and answer that, kareshi... aha..."
Mondo lets out a soft laugh, removing his arms as he nods. He can't seem to help leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to Taka's nose, though, bizarrely making Taka blush bright pink.
"Heh. Yeh, prolly, Ki. Bet they got a lot a' fuckin' questions, shit..."
The thought makes Taka's stomach clench, but he just smiles as he quickly gets off the bed, body flushing pleasantly at the pleased hum Mondo lets out when Taka's body is put on display. There is still drying /bodily fluid/ on his skin, which is unpleasant, but he ignores it as he heads over for where his trousers were tossed, fishing his phone out of his pocket with only slightly shaky hands. When he straightens and looks at the display, he blenches at the number of notifications he has, his eyes wide as he sees there are over /one hundred/ texts, and quite a few missed phone calls. A-ah... he- he hadn't realized that he'd been ignoring so much... hmm...
Taka returns to the bed, feeling a little dazed, uncertain of how to feel. On one hand, he is so unbelievably grateful to his /friends/, who all care so much for him that they'd spend so much time texting him, wanting to make sure he's okay. On the other... he feels very daunted by the thought of going through all of the texts...
When he gets to the bed and sits down, he sees that Mondo is going through his own phone, glasses on his nose, a harsh grimace on his face.
"Heh... guess I fuckin' deserve all this shit fer how I was fuckin' yellin' at ya, fuck..." Mondo murmurs as he glances up at Taka, before looking back down, grimacing at whatever text he was sent. Taka lets out a soft, sympathetic hum, leaning forward to kiss Mondo softly, secretly adoring the surprised noise the biker lets out.
"I love you," Taka reminds the teen simply, wanting to say more but... but not wanting to be /too much/, and thinking that... that his simple reminder is enough. And... and seeing the small but bright smile on Mondo's face, the biker kissing him sweetly back... he thinks that he was right.
Adjusting himself so that he's leaning against Mondo, not caring if the biker can read his texts, Taka unlocks his phone and opens up the texting app, quickly reading through the texts his friends had sent.
Most of them are similar, he notices very quickly, eyes looking over the messages sent. He can see that most come from the group chat, but that almost half come from individual texts, nearly everyone sending a text or two. And many of them sending quite a few more than that, aha. He decides to click on the individual texts— figuring it would be best to get those over with first— and finds that it is his friends mostly asking him what happened, if he's okay, etc.
Taka quickly goes through each individual correspondence, deciding early on that replying to each (right now, at least) would be frankly impossible, since the only two students in his class who didn't send him at least one individual message had been Fukawa— understandably, since the overly antisocial girl rarely texts in general— and Enoshima— also understandably, since she's still not been invited to join their group chat and thus doesn't even have his number. He's shocked to find that even Ikusaba— who Makoto had finally invited to join their group chat a few days ago— had sent him a private message, asking him if he wanted to go with her to the gun range later to get his anger out. He blinks at that one, grimacing at the implication. He clicks out of her message, figuring that it might be better to worry about that later...
Once he reads the last of the individual texts— feeling strangely touched by the concern that he finds there— he clicks into the group chat, biting his lip as he reads through the numerous chats. Most of them are just their friends trying to get either Taka or Mondo to reply to them, getting gradually more and more frantic with their requests as the time went by. Taka can feel Mondo shift to put his chin on Taka's shoulder, looking at the phone tentatively, so Taka shifts so that Mondo can see it easier, saying without words that he doesn't mind the biker looking along with him. Together they read the texts, Mondo a bit slower than Taka, but Taka doesn't mind. He never does, not with Mondo.
When they finally reach the end of the numerous texts, Taka bites his lip, humming softly. He still hasn't listened to the few voicemails that were left, but he figures it's probably much of the same. His friends asking what happened, what Mondo did (since they all assumed that Mondo was the one who did something, which makes Taka strangely indignant on the biker's behalf, even if it /is/ kinda, sorta, /maybe/ true), if he's okay, etc., etc.
He can listen to those later, though, because now... now he should probably reply, since in the time it took him to read all the texts, at least three more had popped up, the last one from Hina, saying that she and Sakura were going to ring their doorbells until they got an answer if they didn't reply back soon. Figuring that the swimmer is being serious, Taka clicks on the text box, biting his lip as he looks at the blank box, the blinking blue line mocking him as he debates what to tell them. Yes, he and Mondo worked things out, which their friends should be told after the public display the two of them put on earlier, but… but /just how much/ should he tell them? Hm...
"Guess we gotta reply, huh, Kiyo? What, uh... what do ya wanna say, baby?" he hears Mondo mutter in his ear, his voice wavering only a little. Taka hums, biting his lip a little harder as he thinks.
"I... I think I know what I want to say, kareshi..." Taka mutters back, his fingers moving to reply to the group, knowing that one collective text will make the most sense.
And then... he writes.
To: Best Friends Fureverrrrr 3 3 3:
/Hello my friends,
I would first like to start by saying /thank you/ to everyone for your kind words and your worry. I apologize for taking so long to reply, Mondo and I were... discussing quite a lot and it took us a while to work everything out.
Next, I would like to apologize for worrying you all. That was not my intention and I am very sorry for making my and Mondo's argument so public. It was not professional of me, and I will do my best to not do such a thing again. My deepest apologies, my friends.
And... as for Mondo and myself... we have spent a lot of time talking to one another, discussing our friendship and what it means to the both of us. And I... I must inform you all that, after much debate and discussion, Mondo and I have decided that we will no longer be able to call one another /kyoudai/. We simply cannot call one another brother anymore, not after all that we have discussed. It simply... it simply is not possible, not with everything that has occurred between us this day.
Instead... instead, we will be calling one another /kareshi/. We feel that this far better represents the scope of our feelings towards one another, given all that we have spoken about.
Thank you again for your kind words, but please do not worry about us. We will be fine. There is still more for us to discuss, so I will not spend much more time on this message. I will be sending individual text messages to you all once I have the time. Please do not feel upset with Mondo, though, as what happened today was not solely his fault. It was both of ours, due mostly to the gross lack of communication between us. It is my hope that, going forward, we will be able to keep from having such public, volatile arguments by being more open with one another.
Sincerely, Your Friend,
Taka./
Taka reads over the message a couple time as he finishes it, biting his lip as he changes a couple things until he is finally happy with it. Humming softly, he turns subtly to look at Mondo, not wanting to send it without Mondo's consent. He feels Mondo kiss him as soon as his face is turned enough, though, forcing a startled noise from his throat, which quickly turns into a pleased hum.
"Yer so fuckin' dramatic, Ki... fuckin' love it, heh. Send it, if ya wanna. I... I want them ta know," Mondo whispers softly against his lips, kissing him again, and again, and again. It takes Taka a little while to find the willpower to pull back, hating having his lips be apart from Mondo's for even a second. But... well. He has other things to worry about, and while he is desperately in love with Mondo, he cannot abandon everything in his pursuit for intimacy! Even if he may wish to...
Still. Taka turns back to the message and— after reading it through one last time to be absolutely certain it contains no errors— sends it with an only slightly increased heart rate. Several long, tense moments pass, nearing an entire minute, when-
From: Hina: /!/
From: Hina: /AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
From: Hina: /OMG OMG OMG OMG! DOES THIS MEAN WHAT I THINK IT MEANS?! AHHHHHHHH!/
From: Leon: /holy sht! fckn awsme dudes!/
From: Sakura: /That is wonderful news, Taka and Mondo. I am very, very happy for you both./
From: Makoto: /Woah! Awesome guys! Thats really cool!/
From: Sakura: /YAYAYAYAY! Congrats guys! U guys are sooooo cute!/
From: Chi: /Oh, that's wonderful, Taka, Mondo! I'm so, so happy for you both!/
From: Celeste: /Hmm, it seems I have won the bet, everyone. Please see that you pay me before leaving for break tomorrow./
From: Togami: /Is this truly groundbreaking news? I'm fairly certain we all saw this coming for months now. We all have known about you two sharing a room since before Halloween, after all./
From: Togami: /But congratulations. I suppose./
From: Togami: /Fukawa says congratulations as well./
From: Hiro: /haha! far out, dudes! and hey, my prediction totally came true! told you youd get a date before the year ended, mondo! sick!/
From: Hifumi: /! HA! What great news! I shall be writing the greatest love doujin in your honor, so the whole world can read about the beauty of your love! Love truly does conquer all!/
From: Mukuro: /My offer still stands if either of you wish to relieve your anger. Going to the gun range can do wonders for your stress. But I suppose I should congratulate you on your relationship, so... congratulations?/
From: Kyoko: /I am very pleased for you both, and I am glad that things worked out for the better between you. Relationships can be hard work, but from what I have observed between the two of you over the months, I truly believe you will be able to stand the test of time and come out together in the end. What the two of you share is rare to find, and it heartens me to see that you both have found it. Congratulations. Truly./
All of the messages come within seconds of one another, one after the other, after the other. It's almost overwhelming, trying to keep on top of the influx of messages and well wishes. Each time a new one pops up, he is brought away from the text he is currently trying to read, which is very, very annoying. It all calms down after a couple of minutes, allowing Taka to read in peace, going slower than he normally would so Mondo can read it too. By the time they reach the final message from Kyoko, Taka can feel tears fill his eyes, and for once, he... he lets them fall, not worried about being judged. Not here. Not... not with Mondo. He can hear Mondo laugh softly behind him, arms tightening around his middle as he pulls Taka more firmly to his chest, kissing his neck gently.
"Shit, Ki. Didn't think they'd be so fuckin' happy fer us, shit. None a' them seem fuckin' shocked, though... heh. Guess we weren't that fuckin' slick, were we? Heh... oh well. Ain't like it fuckin' matters now, yeah?" he mutters against Taka's neck, nuzzling him softly. The words and action make Taka blush softly, but he's smiling before he can stop himself, a laugh on his tongue.
"Aha, y-yes, kareshi... I suppose you are right! Though... I must admit, I am a bit concerned by what Ludenberg-kun wrote. You don't think our friends were betting on us, do you? How improper!"
He feels more than hears Mondo snicker against him, the biker biting him firmly, making him moan wantonly. A-ah... how- how /wonderful/...
"Yeah, prolly, knowin' those fuckers. Hope Celeste fuckin' bleeds 'em dry fer bettin' on us, shit. Fuckin' bastards. But enough 'bout them, Ki. Wanna get back ta what we were doin' 'fore their texts distracted us... if ya wanna, that is..."
Taka hums happily at the words, feeling his groin swell with the huskily spoken words, reminded immediately that they are both still stark naked. Mmm... what wondrous things can they get up to, in such a state of undress, he wonders blithely... but... ah. There's still another thing he must do before they can do that... sadly...
"A-ah... yes, kareshi! I would love to! But first... f-first, we should reply to our friends, thanking them for their well wishes... it's only polite, dearest..."
Taka can feel Mondo sigh heavily against him, can imagine the exaggerated eye roll the biker is likely giving him behind his back. It should offend Taka, making him annoyed at the biker's insolence, but he... he isn't. Not at all. Not a single, solitary bit. How queer...
"Ugh, fine. But let me do it. Yer so fuckin' slow, babe, worried 'bout spellin' an' grammar an' shit. I can fuckin' say what we gotta say quick an' easy. If, uh... if ya don't mind..."
Taka doesn't respond verbally, knowing he doesn't have to. He just holds out his phone for Mondo to take, watching with a perverse pleasure as Mondo's large hands take it, his thumbs flying over the small screen. He's so distracted that he doesn't even notice what Mondo is writing until the biker is done, his thumb hesitating over the send button, the teen looking down at him with question in his eyes, looking at him almost nervously. As Taka reads the text, cheeks flushing bright red, he can definitely see why! But... well...
To: Best Friends Fureverrrrr 3 3 3: /taka an i are glad ur all so happy at our fuckin relationship. hope u all lost all ur money to celeste, teach u to fuckin bet on us. now, if ull excuse us, im gonna fuckin ravish taka now, so kindly, fuck off./
Biting his lip softly, he turns his face to bury it in Mondo's neck, feeling highly embarrassed, but he... he /nods/, opening his mouth and /biting/ gently, loving the way Mondo moans against him. He can hear the soft, artificial *click* of Mondo sending the text, his heart racing as he imagines their friend's reactions to such a message, but strangely, he... he doesn't really care.
He cares even less when he hears Mondo shut his phone off and toss it gently onto the desk behind them, the biker shifting them until they are back in their previous position, Taka pinned gently to the bed while Mondo hovers over him, a rakish grin on his lips.
"Now... ready ta be fuckin' /ravished/?" Mondo mutters as he leans down, kissing Taka firmly, taking his breath away. Taka decides to not inform Mondo of what the word he's using truly means, knowing it doesn't matter, since he understands his meaning perfectly. Instead, he just surges against him, pressing their hips together wondrously, moaning at the contact between their stiff and aching members. It... g-god, it feels /so, so good/... so good... Mondo, he... he feels so good, god...
After that, there is not much room left for rational thought as Mondo /ravishes/ him, as the biker calls it, his already hoarse voice breaking further as he screams his pleasure and his love, so ridiculously grateful yet again that the rooms are soundproof, god...
Once they are finished with /round two/, as Mondo calls it, they collapse together on the bed, a tangle of limbs and body parts, so utterly content it's hard to imagine how— not even an hour ago— they had almost broken apart completely. God, how things change... god, how grateful and overjoyed Taka is that /things can change/...
"I'm gonna fuckin' miss you, Ki..." Mondo mutters suddenly, breaking the companionable silence they had found themselves entering, causing a spike of anxiety to rush through him, making him pull back a little with wide eyes.
"W-what? What do you- y-you mean, kareshi?" Taka asks, voice shaking, though he hates himself for it. It just... what did Mondo mean by that? Why would he miss Taka? Hadn't they already gone over this? That Taka /wasn't going anywhere, god he- he isn't, he... he thought they'd resolved this, why is Mondo- w-why... why.../
"Oh, fuck, I didn't-! S-shit, baby, didn't mean it like that! Just... 'cuz it's break tomorrow, ya know? A-an' I know ya gotta get up stupidly early ta catch yer train... feel like I just got ya, an' now we gotta fuckin'- f-fuckin' be apart... a-an' I hate that, baby. Don't... don't ever wanna be apart from you, shit... /kareshi/..."
Taka gasps at Mondo's impassioned words, the biker looking at him with almost desperate eyes, the desperation and pain from earlier still there, lingering in them both. Taka hates it, honestly, but he supposes it makes sense. While things are better now, he knows that it will be a while before the residual pain and fear fully goes away... in both of them, he imagines. But... but that's okay! He- he knew this wasn't going to be easy, knew that they'd have struggles to face as they get used to being /kareshi/, not just /kyoudai/, so... so he doesn't let it gut him. Too much, at least...
With a small, shaky smile, Taka leans in and he kisses Mondo softly, nuzzling against him gently as he pulls back, eyes soft and tender as he looks at his /boyfriend/. His... his /boyfriend/... god... he's never going to get tired of calling him that, is he...?
"Kareshi, I... I know what you mean... I- I don't- don't either... b-but you want to go see y-your gang, and I- I have to go home to- t-to my father... I wish there were a way we could- c-could be together... that I could go with you, or you could go with me... b-but we... we /can't/, kareshi, we just... I- I'm sorry..."
And he is. He is, he is, he is. While he knows separation is good in a relationship, knows that couples must learn how to be apart if they want to survive in the long run, he just... he doesn't want to be apart from Mondo. Not now. Not... not after everything they've gone through today. He'd honestly forgotten about the break, what with the stress of the day, but now that he is reminded of it, he feels an acute pain inside him flare up.
Because... because it's going to be /two weeks/ before he sees Mondo again, isn't it? And he- he knows that's not a long time, knows it's nothing, really, but... but to a budding relationship, two weeks feels like an /eternity/, god. Especially after being able to see him every day for the last several months, whenever he so chose. Not being able to be around Mondo... not being held by him at night, not being able to touch him whenever he has the desire... not being able to /kiss him/ when the fancy strikes him... god. It is so painful to think of, even with how ridiculous he knows he's being. That just makes it all worse, honestly, god... how... h-how /pathetic/-
"Aw, shit, baby, don't... don't be upset, shit... god, fuckin' wish I could skip out on my gang an' spend the whole holiday with you, but I fuckin' miss them, baby, shit... it's been too fuckin' long since I been out on the road, part a' the gang... yeah, 've seen 'em every so often when they're in town, but it just... it ain't the same, baby, ain't leadin' 'em then, god... an' I know ya got yer da, know ya... ya gotta... s-shit..."
Taka feels as Mondo buries his face in his neck, breathing deeply, arms warm around him, pulling him nice and tight. He... he's not going to have this for two weeks, isn't he, god, he... how... how...
"I- I know, kareshi... I- I know... i-it's okay, we- we'll see each other once the break is over... i-it's healthy for people to be apart in relationships, y-you know... a-and besides, my- my father still wants to meet you, remember? So, w-we can arrange to meet a-at least once, r-right? My father, he... he wouldn't be impressed if you don't- don't show, and I- I want him to like you... I... I want..."
Taka trails off, biting his lip harshly as he realizes another problem they will face in their new /relationship/. His... his father... god. His father doesn't even know that Taka is /gay/, let alone... let alone that he wants to be in a long term, committed relationship with a /man/... he... he can't tell his father about this, he barely understands Taka's /friendship/ with Mondo, he- he wouldn't... wouldn't understand anything more, certainly wouldn't approve... h-he doesn't think his father would /hate him/ if he knew, but he- he might try and make Taka break up with Mondo. Which Taka /refuses to even think about/, knowing that if his father tries to force the issue- if he- he... well. Taka knows that it won't turn out the way his father would want. And he... he doesn't want that, doesn't want a fight, doesn't want to /hate/ his father, doesn't want to have to /choose/, doesn't... he just... he /doesn't.../
"Oh, s-shit... fuckin' fergot 'bout that, shit, babe... goddamn, uh... okay. Okay. Shit, I... I got a fuckin' stupid idea, an'- an' ya can say no if ya fuckin' wanna, won't be mad, but I just... I uh... w-was thinkin' that maybe... if yer da wouldn't mind... maybe I could come an' spend the second week a' the vacation with ya... that way, I got a week with my gang, ta fuck around an' shit, an' then a week with you, ta... ta be /with you/, shit. A-an' ya can fuckin' say no, know it's fuckin' stupid, but I can't stand the thought a' bein' apart from ya fer so fuckin' long, Ki, just don't- don't fuckin' wanna... I just..."
Mondo's voice breaks at the end, his breathing heavy as he presses further into Taka's neck, not crying, but just... breathing deep. And Taka... Taka knows he should say /no/. Should say that /it would never work, his father wouldn't approve/. Should say... say that /it will be too obvious,/ that /his father would figure them out in an instance/. He... he knows he should say this, knows that he /should/, knows that it... that if he- he agrees, it will surely end in disaster, his apartment too small and run down to avoid his father's keen eyes and sharp intellect, but... but... /but/...
Taka finds himself nodding, desperate and needy, hands drifting down to hold onto Mondo, pulling him up so that he can kiss him, like he so badly wants. And Mondo goes willingly, his lips like fire on Taka's own, making them both moan so prettily. They're both still naked, and while it's not been quite long enough yet, Taka can feel some stirrings in his gut and he... a-ah. He definitely is going to miss this, if they... if they aren't...
"Y-/yes/, kareshi... /yes/, that... i-it might work... I- I don't know if my father will accept, if he'll agree, b-but I can send him an email today, a-asking if you could- could stay with us... I- I can make it sound logical, can... can make it sound... M-Mondo, if... if you /want to/, I..."
"Yes. /Yes/, fuck yes, Ki, ya fuckin' kiddin' me?! God yeah," Mondo breathes, pulling Taka in for another breathtaking kiss. Taka gets utterly distracted for several long, long moments, wanting Mondo so badly that all other thoughts get pushed out. He gets reminded of what he needs to say when he feels Mondo's hands start to wander, realizing that even if they do spend a week of break together… they still won't be able to /do this/ together... and he- he doesn't want Mondo to get any wrong ideas, doesn't... he... h-he...
"A-ah... w-wait a moment, kareshi... I- I have something I need to tell you, a-about... about us staying at my father's apartment over the break, if we- if we can do it," Taka murmurs against Mondo's lips, hating himself for it, but knowing he has to say it. They promised to be open and honest with one another, right? Well... he might as well start now...
"Oh, uh, yeah? What's up, baby?" Mondo replies, words equally as muffled as he immediately goes back to kissing. God, Taka has long lost count as to what number they're currently on... this is clearly their new favorite thing to do together, and now that they've discovered it, they sure are doing their best to make up for lost time, aren't they...? Not that Taka is complaining! God, not at all... not at all...
It does make it a little harder to have a serious conversation, though. And so— with a soft, regretful sigh— Taka pulls back, smiling sheepishly at Mondo, who looks softly back.
"I just... I- I wanted to... to let you know... g-god, I..." Taka stammers, suddenly feeling very awkward and uncertain again. A-ah... this isn't easy... but he has to say it, even if it makes Mondo not want to stay with him over break. Even if it... if it /hurts him/, though that's the last thing he wants, god...
After a moment's pause, though, he takes a deep breath and continues, words still shaking, but at least coherent. He thinks...
"S-so... my father, he... he doesn't, um. Know. That I am, y-you know... /gay/... and h-he is- is having a hard enough time, w-wrapping his head around us being /friends/ let alone... /more/... and I just... kareshi... I think it w-would be best if we don't- don't tell him right away. About... a-about us... a-and I don't want to keep it a secret! God, no! I am- I am /not/ ashamed of you— of us! B-but I... I don't want to drive him away, I- I need to give him time to- to come to terms with us being /friends/ first, b-before I can tell him that I am- am /gay/, and that I... that I /am in love with you/, that I /want to spend the rest of my life with you/, s-so... so i-if you come to stay... w-we'll have to be careful, kareshi. A-and I hate it, please believe me, but I... I don't want to ruin this before it even really begins, s-so I... I don't think... I- I mean, I... I guess, i-if you really want to, I- I suppose we can..."
"Hey, hey baby, it's okay. I... it's okay, Taka, Kiyo, don't worry about it, it's okay," he hears Mondo mutter to him, the biker pulling him close, pressing their foreheads gently together. Mondo starts to kiss his face gently again, then, his cheeks and his temple and his nose, again and again, over and over. It... it's wonderful...
Taka can feel his breath— which had been stuttering in his chest, panic rising in him when he'd been speaking for reasons he can't quite explain— start to even out again, Mondo's comforting words helping him greatly. It's almost a shock for him to feel the panic being curtailed before it even really had begun. Well... would you look at that...
"There we go baby, there we go. Y'ain't gotta worry, 'cuz it ain't a fuckin' problem, okay? I kinda figured, anyway. Knew y'ain't told yer ol' man 'bout yer sexuality yet, an' I ain't gonna make ya come outta the closet, not 'til yer good an' ready, okay, baby? An' I... I fuckin' know he ain't the biggest fan a' me. Was fuckin' there when he said all that shit 'bout me, ya know. An' the feelin's fuckin' mutual, believe me. Don't give a fuck if he 'approves' or not, really. B-but, uh... but I know you do, so I will do everythin' in my power ta prove that I deserve ta be datin' ya, even if I... heh. S-shit... b-but, uh... but we ain't gotta tell him 'bout it fer a while, okay? Ain't any a' his business besides. Gonna fuckin' suck that I can't fuckin' kiss ya whenever I wanna, but I don't gotta do that ta be happy, Ki. Just... just gotta have you. Be 'round you. You... you make me so fuckin' happy, Kiyo, Christ... got no fuckin' idea how happy just bein' 'round ya makes me, Ki. That's what I want. Ta just... be with ya. In whatever way I fuckin' can. Do ya... do ya get me?"
The sweet words make the tears rise in Taka's eyes again, and he lets out a watery laugh, nodding firmly as a few of them fall softly down his face. He feels Mondo lean forward and kiss them away, then, soft and sweet as can be. G-god... he's just so... so amazing, isn't he... god...
"Th-thank you, kareshi... th-thank you... I promise I will tell him one day... o-one day /soon/... just... I want him to get used to the idea of us being friends before... before anything else..."
Mondo hums at the words, kissing his lips chastely once before pulling back to talk again.
"Y'ain't gotta thank me fer that, Kiyo. Just fuckin' common sense, man. Ain't that big of an asshole ta make ya tell shit y'ain't fuckin' ready fer, 'specially not shit like that. An' I also ain't big enough of an idiot ta not realize that tellin' yer ol' man 'bout us 'fore he has a chance to even get ta know me is a recipe fer fuckin' disaster. Hell, tellin' him even after he knows me's prolly gonna fuckin' suck too. Just... you tell him 'bout us when yer good an' ready, Ki, ya hear me? An' if y'ain't ever ready, then... I guess y'ain't ever gonna be ready. I'm gonna be here with ya regardless, baby. He means nothin' ta me, Kiyo. You do. I won't let a piece a' shit like him stop me from lovin' you. He don't mean shit ta me, babe. Uh... 'cept fer how he's important ta you, an' all... heh. An', uh... sorry fer callin' yer da a piece a' shit, I guess... though I kinda meant it... heh..."
Taka frowns slightly at the knowledge that his /boyfriend/ (nope, still not tired of calling him that yet) truly doesn't like his father, but it... it's not the end of the world. He knows that Mondo will try his hardest to make nice with his father regardless of his personal feelings, so he doesn't have any fear that he will let the man know he dislikes him. Not overtly, at least. He is a bit nervous about the fact that he knows /Mondo/ will be nervous, which he knows leads to Mondo being /angry/, but... but, this is something Taka has promised Mondo they will work on /together/, so he won't fault him for it. He just hopes that his anger doesn't irreparably break things between the biker and Taka's father, is all... there is a part of him— naive as it is, he knows— that hopes Mondo and his father will be able to get along well enough to have an amicable relationship, at the very least. They are two of the most important people in his life, after all. And he plans on having them both be part of his life for the foreseeable future, so them getting along will... well. Be most beneficial, really. For all involved parties.
As such, Taka just sighs softly and nods after a moment, his frown replaced by a small, slightly chagrined smile. He can see that Mondo is looking a little distressed, so he leans forward and he kisses him sweetly, again and again, knowing that he will never, ever get tired of doing this. And as Mondo surges against him, hands wandering again... well. He won't ever get tired of /that/, either...
There's a lot that they will have to deal with in coming days, weeks, months, and even years. There are a lot of issues that they both individually have that will cause them both to butt heads, even if they do not wish to. Just because they want to be together— just because /they are in love/— does not magically erase everything else. All the problems and the heartache and the sorrow. Taka knows this. He knows it very, very intimately.
But...
But...
/But/...
Well.
As Mondo explores his body for the third time that hour, this time going slow and steady, his lips and teeth and tongue making maps of his scars and imperfections… he knows that they will be able to work things out. It may take them a while to get fully comfortable with the thought of being a couple, may be a long time until they aren't quite so fragile with one another that they both panic at the slightest hint of adversity, but he /knows/ that once they do? Once they get passed this preliminary, tentative stage and figure out how to be an actual /couple/? Nothing will ever tear them apart again.
It will take hard work and effort to get to that point, will take both of them doing everything they can to actively make it work out, but Taka has no doubts that they can do it. Taka has been working hard his entire life, after all, and he knows Mondo knows how to work hard himself. When it matters so much, at least, like this does. They /will/ do this. They just... they will. It's a Fact. A Law of the Universe. The sky is blue. Gravity makes things fall to the ground. And Kiyotaka Ishimaru and Mondo Owada will work out and will spend the rest of their lives together, happy and content. It just... it's a Fact. A Law. Something Taka /knows/, above all else.
As long as they have each other... nothing can go wrong.
"Hey, Ki?" he hears Mondo whisper to him hours and hours later, long after the festival ends, Taka feeling a little guilty he hadn't been there to help clean it up but having been personally assured by the headmaster that it was fine and to— and he quotes— "enjoy your budding relationship. It isn't often that two compatible people find one another. Please do refrain from screaming expletives in the middle of hallways, though," which had made Taka both grateful and highly embarrassed.
Focusing on his kareshi, Taka looks up at Mondo, who is smiling so softly and gently down at him it's like something out of a dream. Humming, he leans up and kisses those pale pink lips for the thousandth time, not getting tired of it for a second.
"Yes, my love?" he replies back, soft and muffled, nuzzling the face before his. He hears Mondo chuckle, the biker brushing back his wet fringe, which is still damp from the shower they'd taken together not too long ago.
"I love you. Like... a lot. More than I've ever loved anyone else. Just... wanted ta let ya know, heh..." Mondo whispers, pressing their lips together once more. Heart swelling, Taka kisses back, so ridiculously happy it's not even funny.
"I... I love you too, Mondo. More than I've loved anyone else, by far. You... you make me so, so happy, and I... words cannot express how grateful I am to have you... I look forward to the future we will share together, kareshi. I really... really do..."
Taka lets out a breathy laugh when he feels Mondo surge against him, the biker kissing him deeper and deeper, trying desperately to tell Taka how he feels, since words clearly aren't enough. And Taka kisses right on back, more than content to spend the rest of his life doing this and only this, if he were able. Things don't go any further than kissing this time, since they don't need to. They've got time, after all. Decades and decades of it. Isn't it a marvel?
Of course… things won't always be this easy. Taka knows this. They will have fights, and they will break down into tears, and their hearts will ache so ferociously they will wonder how they will ever get passed it and move on.
But...
But they /will/. Not because love conquers all, not because their love is magical, or /perfect/, or anything like that. He's not that naive to believe such fanciful things, definitely not.
Instead, they will survive simply because they /will not let them fall apart/. They will work hard. They will have effort. They will /try/, god, they will try. And they will /succeed/, he knows they will, he knows it.
Because...
Because they love each other.
Because they want to have a future together.
Because they are two flawed but ultimately good people who have finally, finally found something good and right and pure, and they will not let it slip from their grasps now that they have it.
And, in the end... that's what matters the most.
Isn't it?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
THE STORY IS DONE! AHHHHH!
Ahem. Sorry about that, just wanted to get my feelings out 😅. But still! This is the last chapter! I'm so emotional, omg. I hope y'all liked it and that it ended in a satisfying way! I personally really like this chapter and think it ended the story in a satisfying way, but maybe that's just me, ha. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this chapter, more than I have space for here, but I will prolly be posting some of them on my Tumblr over time, so feel free to find me there if you want.
Please let me know what y'all thought! And also, the name of the first sequel is The Problem with First Dates. I didn't want to put that in the beginning note to not spoil that there was a first date for them to have, even though I'm pretty sure everyone knew they'd get together in the end. I'll post that… eventually. I have another fic for another fandom I wanted to post first, and it has 7 chapters, so it will take me 7 weeks to post it all. I think I'll post TPWFD after I finish posting the other fic, so… yeah. No idea when TPWM or the other sequel will be posted yet, but I'll keep y'all updated on my blog!
Now… I wanted to take a minute to thank y'all again for being so supportive and kind. I don't think I've gotten a single even slightly negative comment on this story, which is so relieving to me. I'm glad that people like this story so much and I look forward to seeing y'all again when the sequels and TPWM gets posted! See y'all later! :-D