Part 2: Cassian Finds His Happiness

Chapter 8

Cassian was the first to find love again.

After his and Nesta' separation, he tried living in the river house but quickly discovered that was too close to her. The mating bond was a constant presence, nagging and calling in the back of his mind non-stop. From what he heard, Nesta was experiencing the same thing, and the only way they could fight it was physical distance. He was not about to ask her to leave Valeris, so in the end Cassian moved to his home in Windhaven permanently, only going to Valeris every once and while.

It wasn't just the mating bond that drove him away, however. If he was being honest, Cassian couldn't stand the humiliation. Word of how Nesta had betrayed him spread through the city like wildfire, and he didn't fail to notice the whispers and horribly pitying looks that followed him wherever he went.

Despite how miserable they often made him, Cassian knew being with his people was the right choice.

It was an adjustment as Cassian had not truly lived in Illyria since he was a boy, but he found the harshness of the environment suited his mood. His family visited him as often as they could, Nyx being allowed to visit as much as the boy wanted.

The family made sure Nesta and Cassian were never in the same place, splitting holidays between the two so neither felt left out, though Emerie was unable to convince Mor to spend Solstices with Nesta anymore, and Rhys barely acknowledged his sister-in-law. Sides were definitely taken, despite Nesta and Cassian insisting neither was to blame.

The Illyrian Lords were not happy with Cassian's constant presence, which was the perfect distraction for him. If he spent all his time going toe to toe with those assholes, it left little room for him to dwell on his mate.

Every day was a struggle, but as the months went by, Cassian found breathing a little bit easier. He started to feel like himself again, no longer held back by his obligation to Nesta. He started to actually make friends amongst the Illyrians, real friendships with males and females who also felt like outcasts in their own homes. Mentoring them, sheltering them, and being with them helped give him a new purpose. They reminded him who he was. Up in the harsh and unforgiving mountains that had once been his hell, Cassian began to heal.

One day, about three years after his and Nesta's break up, Cassian was walking through the training rings of Windhaven, heading to a session for eight year olds that was being held nearby. Cassian wanted to make sure that the girls of Windhaven were receiving their training as well as help out wherever he could.

As he approached the circle where the children were, Cassian stopped a distance off to count. Yup, all the girls were there, and he felt a twinge of warmth in his chest. It seemed the lesson was almost over and they were cooling down, so Cassian merely watched for a while, letting his mind drift.

A sharp cry drew his attention, however, and he saw a group of boys circling a much smaller boy, who was on the ground and clutching his nose.

"Look at him bleed!" one of the bullies cried gleefully. "Some warrior you are. Can't even take a hit without gushing blood." The boy kicked the fallen child, who cried out.

"Leave him alone!" a girl yelled, stomping over, her wings outstretched in an attempt to make herself look larger.

"Don't you have some clothes to be washing?" a bully drawled, ignoring her.

"I said leave him alone!" she yelled again, raising her fist.

Cassian's heart pounded, realizing what was about to happen, and knowing the instructors who were standing by idly would not interfere. In a second he was there, looming over the children behind the girl. The bullies shrieked in fear and scurried away.

The girl, who didn't realize Cassian was behind her, let out a cry of triumph.

"That's what I thought!" she cheered, then yelped when Cassian chuckled behind her.

"That was well done, little one," he commended her, patting her on the head. "You are very brave."

The girl blushed scarlet, and swept into a bow.

"Thank you, Lord Cassian."

Cassian bit back his retort that he wasn't a lord. There was no sense trying to explain that to a child. Instead, he offered a smile before turning to the boy on the ground, who was still curled into a fetal position.

"Are you alright?" Cassian said as gently as possible. The boy sniffled, and poked his head up from behind his arms. His face was covered in blood, and his little body shook uncontrollably. He was small for his age, smaller than the others, which made him an obvious target for bullying.

"His name is Declan," the girl told Cassian. "He's very shy."

"It's alright, Declan," Cassian placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. "Why don't you let me look at your nose, okay?"

The boy hesitated, then slowly uncurled himself, sitting up. Moving very carefully so as not to spook him, Cassian examined Declan's face.

"Yup, that's broken," Cassian muttered. "But should heal up just fine." He scanned Declan's tiny body. "Anything else hurt?"

Declan shook his head quickly, then winced in pain. Cassian examined the boy closer. His clothes were not in terrible condition, though torn slightly. The boy's wings were small and underdeveloped, and there was evidence of bruises from previous beatings, most likely suffered at the hands of his peers.

Cassian pursed his lips, then stood up, turning to the instructors who immediately joined him.

"Who is he?" he gestured to Declan.

"Low born welp," one grunted. "Weak, won't make much of a soldier."

Cassian scowled at the male.

"That's not what I fucking asked, is it?"

The male swallowed nervously.

"His father died a few months back, hunting accident. Mother is a cook, name of Eleanor Bryn. They live on the west edge."

Cassian nodded, dismissing the instructor, then held a hand out to Declan.

"Why don't you let me take you home?" he asked the boy. Declan stared at his hand nervously for a moment before taking it and getting to his feet.

"He's not worth the effort," the instructor grumbled, and Cassian whirled on him.

"You ever say anything like that in front of your students again, I will snap your wings myself," he growled, and the instructor paled, scurrying away quickly.

Still holding Declan's hand, Cassian began to lead the boy away from the training area and towards the west end of the village.

"Where do you live?" he asked, but Declan didn't answer. Cassian looked down and saw the boy was limping slightly, his mouth screwed shut from the pain.

Cassian glanced around. No one was watching, so he swept the boy up into his arms and quickly kept walking. Declan didn't protest, clutching Cassian's armor with his little fists.

They made their way into the village, Cassian asking around for the boy's mother until he finally got directions. Declan's nose eventually stopped bleeding, and Cassian felt a stab of guilt as he looked at the boy's swollen face.

When he was that age, Cassian had beaten every single one of his peers for the clothes off their backs, with no regard for their wellbeing. But he had been homeless then, no family, no friends, no one to look after him. His actions had been that of a desperate child, doing whatever it took to survive. Those boys who hurt Declan had been acting out of cruelty, and a need to prove they were powerful.

As they approached the tent Cassian had been directed to, a delicious and warm smell hit him, making his stomach growl. Declan giggled at the sound, and Cassian grinned.

"Your mother must be one hell of a cook," he said as the tent drew closer.

A female stepped out from the tent flaps, a tray with chopped vegetables in her arms as she approached a large pot in front of the tent that was cooking over a roaring fire.

She had long dark wings, and Cassian couldn't spot any signs of clipping on them. Her frame was strong looking, and her dark black hair hung in a braid down her back. As she placed the tray down and straightened, Cassian noted she was quite pretty, with a soft face, warm brown skin, and kind eyes. Those eyes widened as she spotted them, and she rushed forward with a cry.

"Declan!" She swooped in, snatching her son from Cassian's arms and placing him on the ground so she could examine his face herself. "Oh, what happened?"

"Some of the other boys in his class got a little too rough," Cassian grunted, watching as she gently prodded at Declan's face. "His ankle is injured as well, but nothing a good night's sleep won't fix."

Ignoring him, Eleanor picked Declan up and carried him into the tent without saying a word to Cassian. He stood there, staring at where she had disappeared, unsure what to do for a moment before she popped her head out again.

"I'm so sorry!" she blushed. "Please, come inside."

Cassian couldn't help but smile at the female's frazzled state, and slipped inside the tent. It was a standard sized structure for a family of Windhaven. They might be low born but they weren't poor, at least they hadn't been before Eleanor's husband had died.

"Please, make yourself comfortable, General," Eleanor waved a hand as she dipped a cloth in a bowl of water and began to dab at Declan's face. Cassian looked around awkwardly before spotting a stool and perching himself on it.

"He doesn't talk much," Cassian noted.

"He can talk, he just doesn't want to most of the time," Eleanor told him, dropping a kiss on Declan's brow. The action twisted Cassian's gut, but he tried to ignore it.

"Has this happened before?" he prodded, and Eleanor sighed.

"Yes, and those useless instructors won't do a damn thing about it." Her voice was laced with rage. "There darling, why don't you go lay down, dinner won't be ready for a while yet." Declan nodded, standing and turning towards the back of the tent where the sleeping quarters were.

He stopped, whoever, and turned back to Cassian, staring at him. After thinking for a moment, Declan ran up to Cassian and threw his little arms around his neck.

"Thank you," Declan said, his voice so quiet Cassian almost missed it.

"You're welcome." Cassian patted the boy on the back and Declan released him before scurrying away.

Eleanor watched Cassian, eyebrows raised.

"Come outside with me," she instructed, and Cassian obeyed, glad to leave the tiny stool. As the fresh air kissed their faces, Eleanor turned to him, hugging herself with unease.

"It was very kind of you to intervene," she began. "But you know that won't stop it from happening again."

"I know," Cassian said. "He's in for a long road, being smaller than the rest."

Eleanor looked at him miserably, then turned back to her cooking, placing the vegetables from earlier in the pot.

"It was a difficult pregnancy, and he was born too soon. Ever since, he's been behind other children his age, never as strong, and his wings…" she trailed off, looking stricken. "He can barely fly, they just aren't strong enough to carry him."

Cassian immediately thought of Nyx. His nephew had been born prematurely too, and only thanks to Nesta's sacrifice had he grown up strong and healthy. The mating bond roared to life at the thought of his mate, but Cassian shoved it back, focusing on the female in front of him.

"I heard your husband died recently," Cassian said, hoping he wasn't crossing a line. "If there's anything I can do to help, I'm happy to do so. Things can't be easy right now."

Eleanor blinked at him, and Cassian noticed her eyes were a lovely shade of golden brown.

"I have enough money, if that's what you're worried about," she said slowly. "I work for Lord Devon, preparing meals for his family. He's a fair boss and pays well."

Cassian nodded. Devon was a pain in his ass most days, but the male was never needlessly cruel, at least to people who weren't Cassian.

"Well, if you think of anything, I'm at your disposal." With that, Cassian bowed his head slightly to the female and turned to leave.

"Wait!" Eleanor stopped him with a hand on his arm. Cassian looked down at her, an eyebrow raised and she quickly dropped it, blushing again.

"I know this is a lot to ask, but well, you might understand Declan's situation better than anyone else around here can, and I think he likes you. He never speaks to adults he doesn't know, especially males," she rambled. "Maybe...if you have the time, maybe you could train him? I know he isn't learning anything in those stupid classes. Maybe if he worked with you he could actually make progress."

Cassian smiled warmly at her. Illyrians were a prideful bunch, and Cassian knew if she was willing to ask him for help, then she must truly love her son. Not that he had doubted it, the way she tended to the boy had told Cassian enough. Unbidden, Cassian thought of his own mother, how she had fought for him till the day they were separated.

Being a single mother in Illyria was dangerous, and even if she was financially secure, that was no guarantee of Eleanor's safety. She must live in terror, not knowing who to trust, who would prey upon her after her husband's death.

But there she was, no fear in her eyes now, asking him for his help, trusting him with her son. There was a strength in her gaze, a fierce determination, and Cassian knew she would fight with everything she had for Declan, for their future, just as his own mother had. There was no way he could say no.

"Of course," he told her, and Eleanor sagged with relief.

"I know a male of your responsibilities, you probably won't be able to spend time with him every day," she began, but Cassian held up a hand to stop her.

"I will make time," he said. "Just tell me your daily schedule, when works best for you, and we will figure it out."

Eleanor clutched a wooden spoon in her hands tightly, looking up at him with grateful eyes, her wings opening and closing slightly behind her as she tried to contain her emotions.

"I don't know how to thank you," she admitted, and Cassian laughed.

"I haven't done anything yet," he grinned. "But don't worry about it. I'm happy to help."

Eleanor smiled shyly at him, and Cassian's own smile widened. A new purpose, that's what his time in Illyria was, and perhaps this little family would be a part of that journey.

Cassian had never loved being in the Illyrian mountains more. Every morning he went out to work with the troops, training new soldiers and checking the egos of the older ones. He had begun to grow an inner circle of his own consisting of soldiers as well as camp mothers to help him keep order and enforce his rules.

Change was coming to the Illyrians. Slowly, but it was coming. There was even a small number of adult females among the ranks, having earned their way to the blood rite a few years earlier and surviving. Cassian tried not to treat these females any differently than the other soldiers, but he made sure they knew they could come to him with anything, that he would support them if they needed it.

Then in the afternoon he would pick Declan up from his mother's tent and train him in one-on-one sessions. Cassian had helped train plenty of children, but never any with Declan's particular needs. His first concern was earning the boy's trust, making him comfortable with Cassian's guidance. Declan's wings were Cassian's second priority. An Illyrian's wings were a huge part of their identity, and the fact that Declan could barely use his was constantly on Cassian's mind.

At first, the training started with games, just as Cassian had done with Nyx. It became very evident very quickly that Declan didn't know how to play, so Cassian decided the first thing he should teach the boy was how to have fun.

Eleanor, unable to monitor in person, grilled Cassian every afternoon when he dropped Declan back off about what they did during the day, and any progress her son made. It didn't offend Cassian, however, understanding how worried she was for Declan.

Afterwards, she always invited him to join them for dinner, wanting to repay him in the only way she could. Cassian always said no, even though some lonely part of him desperately wanted to say yes.

The female was charming, in her own reserved way. Behind her shy smiles and gentle demeanor, Cassian suspected, was a female with a will of iron. He had witnessed it a few times when things didn't go her way, but she always hid it in front of Cassian, afraid of his reaction. This troubled Cassian, but he didn't want to pry. He was there to serve her and her son, not involve himself in whatever issues she may be dealing with.

Months passed, and Declan began to open up. He smiled more, he actually played with Cassian, and his strength started to improve. Those wings though. They were just too small, and the more Declan tried to use them, the weaker they got.

Winter had fallen in Illyria, the harsh and unforgiving wind ripping through the camps and stinging any exposed skin it encountered. Declan didn't seem to notice, however, as he held Cassian's hand, happily babbling about an eagle he had seen the day before.

Cassian listened, a slight smile on his face, his eyes scanning the surrounding camp for any threats. The fact that the general, the male who was basically their king in so many ways, was giving this weak child special attention had not gone unnoticed, nor unresented. Cassian had asked Rhys to place special wards around Eleanor's tent to keep her safe, and ordered Devon to punish anyone who threatened the female with extreme prejudice. Devon, to his surprise, had readily agreed. Apparently Eleanor was a really damned good cook.

They reached the tent and Declan dragged Cassian inside, finally dropping his hand before launching himself at his mother. Eleanor caught him, laughing as she hugged her son to her, and Cassian felt a wave of affection in his chest at the sight.

"I caught Cas today momma!" Declan squealed. "We were playing tag and I caught him good! And he wasn't letting me catch him on purpose this time."

Cassian snorted at that. Declan wasn't simple, he had learned. In fact, the boy was incredibly intelligent, and often saw and understood things other children didn't.

"That's amazing!" Eleanor gushed, kissing his little cheek. "I'm so proud!" She set Delcan down. "Go wash up for dinner, the tub is full of hot water for you."

As Declan pranced off, Eleanor turned to Cassian, an eyebrow raised.

"Did he really catch you?" she asked, and Cassian shrugged sheepishly.

"Maybe."

Eleanor tipped back her head and laughed, and Cassian couldn't stop himself from smiling at the sound of it. Her laugh filled him with warmth, making the raging winter cold easier to ignore.

"I won't tell anyone, I promise," she winked, then turned back to the food she was preparing. "I suppose I can't convince you to stay for dinner?"

It was a ritual by now. She asked him to stay, he never did, but today was different.

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you," Cassian began, and Eleanor immediately dropped the knife she had been holding, whirling towards him with alarm.

"What's wrong?" she demanded.

"Nothing!" Cassian assured her. "I wanted to talk about Declan's wings."

Eleanor relaxed slightly, then folded her arms across her chest.

"What about them?"

"Well," Cassian ran a hand through his hair. "The truth is, I don't know how to help him fly. Everything I've tried has only made things worse." Eleanor pursed her lips at this admission, but didn't interrupt. "I was talking to Rhys about this, and he had a few ideas."

"You spoke to the High King about my son?" Eleanor asked, her face unreadable.

"He's my brother, I talk to him about everything," Cassian shrugged again before continuing. "He suggested having a healer in Valeris take a look, and if they had no ideas maybe an inventor from the Day Court. Helion is sending a delegation next week, perhaps one of them would have an idea."

Eleanor's eyes widened in realization.

"You want to take my son to Valeris," she whispered, and Cassian nodded.

"He would be with me the entire time," Cassian began, talking fast from nerves. "You could even come too, if that would make you more comfortable. Feyre and Rhys would be happy to have you stay with them, and I spoke to Devon. He said you can go but he wouldn't pay you for your missed days. I figured I could cover the lost costs. And don't worry about paying the healers or whoever either, I would take care of everything."

Eleanor put a hand on her chest, staring at him.

"Stay at the king and queen's palace?" she whispered.

"Well, I wouldn't call it a palace…"

"No, no I'm sorry, but I can't." Eleanor turned away, and Cassian frowned.

"Why not?"

"Because it's too much, Cassian!" she said, gripping her chopping knife tightly and not looking at him. "That is your world, not mine. It may be easy for you to switch between the high fae and your people, but I have never left Windhaven in my life. I wouldn't belong. No, I won't go."

Cassian nodded, part of him deflating. For some reason, he had really been hoping Eleanor would want to come too.

"I understand," he said, "but does that mean you won't allow Declan to go either?"

Eleanor stopped cutting, taking a deep breath.

"He can go," she said quietly. "I won't stop him from this chance to fly. If you really think these high fae can help, then I trust you."

Her words hit him in the chest, and without thinking, Cassian stepped forward and reached his hand between her wings to grasp Eleanor's shoulder. She bucked at the contact, pulling away from him with a gasp.

"I'm so sorry," Cassian said, holding his hands up and stepping away quickly. "That was really stupid of me."

Eleanor stared at him with wide eyes. Touching any female without their permission was foolish at best, touching an Illyrian female, especially so close to her wings, was downright taboo. Cassian felt too hot in his skin, unsure how to rectify what he had just done.

"I'm sorry," he said again, and Eleanor blinked.

"It's okay," she muttered. "Just please, don't touch me again."

"Of course," Cassian agreed quickly, hating himself. "We can discuss the details of the trip later." He nodded to her before quickly ducking out of the tent before he could embarrass himself further.

He was a fucking idiot. What had he been thinking? Eleanor was an Illyrian female, and they were not used to casual physical touch. Cassian knew this, knew to never try and cross that border with the new friends he was making up in the mountains. So why had he done it?

The question plagued him as he trudged through the snow.

The day for their trip to Valeris arrived, and Cassian stood inside his home with Eleanor and Declan, who was so excited he couldn't sit still. The boy was practically bouncing around the house, talking non stop about all the things he couldn't wait to do in the big city. Cassian watched, amused, while Eleanor had a strained smile on her face.

They were waiting for Mor to come winnow them in. Cassian thought the High Lady of the Night Court might be slightly less intimidating than the High King or Queen of the fae, and had asked her to do the job. There was a knock, and the female herself came barging in before waiting for an answer, the force of a thousand suns behind her smile.

"Sorry I'm late," Mor rushed forward to hug Cassian tightly. "Got held up by the city governors."

"No worries," Cassian flicked a strand of golden hair affectionately. "Although I think poor Declan here is about to burst he can hardly wait."

Mor grinned and turned her gaze on Declan, who was staring at her like he had never seen anyone quite like her before. Of course, he probably hadn't.

"Hello there," Mor said kindly. "Cassian's told me all about you."

Eleanor cleared her throat and gave Declan a pointed look. Declan snapped out of his trance and swept into a bow.

"Thank you for coming, High Lady," he said, his little voice twisted into what Cassian guessed was supposed to be a respectful tone.

"At ease," Mor teased, then turned to Eleanor. "Don't worry about a thing. He will be under our careful watch the entire time," Mor assured her.

"Thank you, my lady," Eleanor began to curtsey but Mor stopped her.

"Oh, don't worry about that," she waved a hand dismissively. "A friend of Cassian's doesn't need to bother with the formalities."

Eleanor blinked in surprise, then managed a genuine smile.

"You are just as lovely as people say you are," Eleanor complinted, and Mor laughed.

"I doubt people around here call me lovely, but I appreciate the thought."

Eleanor seemed to hesitate a moment.

"How is your mate?" she asked nervously, and Mor raised an eyebrow.

"Very well. Do you know Emerie?"

"Yes, we were friends, well," Eleanor blushed in that way that always made Cassian's heart do little flutters, "perhaps friends is the wrong word. We were friendly. My husband didn't let me visit her very often though, thought she was a bad influence."

Well, that was interesting. Eleanor never mentioned her husband, ever.

"Oh she most certainly is that," Mor grinned. "I'll tell her you asked after her. Perhaps you two can have a second chance? I know she misses other Illyrians more than she lets on."

Eleanor looked pleased.

"I would like that very much."

"Great," Mor clapped her hands together. "No sense wasting anymore time. Let's get going!" She held out a hand to Cassian, who took it, offering her other to Declan. Just as Declan slipped his hand into Mor's, Eleanor cried out.

"Wait!"

All eyes turned to her.

"Is it too late to change my mind about coming too?" she asked nervously, and Cassian's face lit up.

"Of course not!" he beamed, offering her his other hand. She glanced at Mor, who nodded encouragingly, then slowly placed her hand in Cassian's, wrapping her fingers around his. Her hand was warm, and Cassian made sure not to hold on too tightly, not wanting to spook her again.

"All right then, here we go!" Mor said happily before whisking them away to the city of starlight.