Chapter 9

Sunlight hit them as they emerged in front of the river house in Valeris. It was a beautiful winter day, the air crisp and refreshing, but Cassian hardly noticed. The mating bond began to nag at him, sensing his closer proximity to Nesta. He turned to look at Mor, a pained look on his face.

"Is she here?" he asked quietly, and Mor shook her head.

"She's in the spring court visiting Elain."

Cassian took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. Perhaps it was just being so close to the home they used to share together that was making this difficult. His hand was squeezed, and Cassian looked down to see Eleanor was still holding it. She looked up at him, eyes wide, a tentative smile on her face.

"Everything okay?" she asked, and Cassian nodded.

"Of course, you ready to meet the King and Queen?"

Eleanor's smile vanished at that, but she stood up straighter, her wings snapping shut as she faced the house.

It wasn't clear how much the Illyrians knew about his separation from Nesta, and he didn't know what Eleanor thought about it, but Cassian didn't want to ask. It felt wrong, bringing his mate into this little family he had discovered, like mentioning her name would taint it somehow.

They approached the river house, Mor chatting animatedly to Declan as she led the way with the boy. Declan kept looking back at his mother nervously, and she offered him an encouraging smile each time. Eleanor kept her grip on Cassian's hand.

"Oh," Eleanor gasped when they got inside, her eyes taking in the tall decorated ceilings and luxurious furnishings.

"It's just stuff," Cassian muttered to her, "don't be too impressed or Rhys will puff up like a proud rooster."

Eleanor laughed, and Cassian looked down at her, pleased.

I don't think I'm the one who is puffed up like a rooster. Rhy's voice said in his mind, and Cassian tore his gaze from Eleanor, scowling.

Rhys and Feyre emerged from a room, broad smiles on their faces.

"What a pleasant surprise!" Feyre gushed, stepping forward. "We thought only Declan was coming. Eleanor, it's such a pleasure to meet you!"

Cassian didn't miss that Rhys was staring at his and Eleanor's entwined hands, and he let go quickly. Eleanor didn't seem to notice as she dropped into a deep, if not slightly clumsy, curtsey before Feyre.

"Forgive me, your majesty, I had a last minute change of heart. I hope it isn't an inconvenience."

"Not at all," Feyre said warmly. "We are happy to have you."

"We have had one of the guest rooms prepared," Rhys said smoothly, and Eleanor's eyes widened slightly as she beheld the High King. Her gaze swept over him, and she shifted a little as she landed back on his face. A stab of jealousy shot through Cassian. Rhys was "attractive", sure, but did every female alive need to take notice? "The healers are coming tomorrow to take a look at Declan's wings," he smiled at the boy, who grinned back, "and the delegation from the Day Court is arriving the day after."

"Uncle Cas!" a delighted voice shouted down the hall, and a second later Nyx was flying towards them, hurtling for Cassian. Cassian opened his arms, catching Nyx with a laugh as they went tumbling to the ground. Now thirteen, Nyx was growing taller every day, but still had his boyish joy.

"You would think they hadn't seen each other in years," Rhys commented as Cassin and Nyx started to wrestle. Eleanor watched, pulling Declan against her, eyes still wide. "Eleanor, your room is ready if you and Declan want to freshen up. Then we thought perhaps we could take you and your son on a little tour of the house?" Rhys said kindly, and Eleanor nodded.

Feyre led them away, and when Cassian finally dislodged Nyx from him, they were gone.

"Well, that was quite something," Mor commented, a knowing look on her face.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," Mor flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I just didn't realize how close you and Declan's mother were."

Cassian frowned, wrapping an arm around Nyx's shoulders. "Leave it alone, Mor," he growled, and Mor laughed.

"Whatever you say." She walked away.

"Listen Nyx," Cassian turned to his nephew, "Declan is not like other boys, he's very shy and other kids have never been kind to him. I'm counting on you to be gentle with him, okay? Don't treat him like he's different, but don't be rough either."

Nyx nodded, looking serious.

"Mom talked to me already, I promise I'll make sure he has a great time."

"Atta boy."

When Eleanor and Declan returned, Eleanor was wearing a different dress. Instead of the brown leather garment she had arrived in, she had on an expensive blue velvet gown. She was picking at the sleeve, clearly uncomfortable, clutching Declan tightly. Declan was wearing a very handsome little jacket, and he pulled out of his mother's grip and ran to him when they got close. Cassian lifted him into his arms, smiling widely.

"Look at you! Dressed up like a little prince!" Cassian smoothed the front of Declan's jacket, and Declan hid his face in Cassian's shoulder. Eleanor pursed her lips, but said nothing. Declan was shaking slightly, and Cassian frowned, rubbing his back. "I think he's a little overwhelmed," Cassian told Feyre, who nodded.

"Why don't you show them around? Rhys and I will join you later," she suggested, and Eleanor shot her a grateful look.

"Can I come?" Nyx asked, his eyes on Declan.

"Sure, kid," Cassian said to him, and Nyx leapt forward, the picture of a perfect prince, offering Eleanor his arm. Eleanor looked amused, and took it. With Nyx's growth spurt, they were the same height, and Nyx began to lead her away.

"The dining room is down this way, and my father's office is off to the left," Nyx waved a hand, and Eleanor bit back a smile at the teen's enthusiasm. Nyx kept his wings tucked in as tight as he could so they wouldn't accidentally bump against Eleanor's. Cassian followed behind, still holding Declan.

"It's strange to think of the king of the fae having an office," Eleanor commented. Something about her tone bothered Cassian. She was being polite, but was clearly uncomfortable. The tension did not last, however. His father's son, Nyx oozed charm and charisma until he had Eleanor laughing heartily, and even Declan decided to walk on his own, though he still stayed close to Cassian.

"And this is the garden," Nyx escorted them outside. "My aunt Elain put a lot of work into it."

"Wow," Eleanor's soft brown eyes were as wide as dinner plates. "I've never seen so many flowers before."

Even in the winter, the garden was in bloom with special varieties of plants, and Cassian felt his heart clench as he watched Declan and Eleanor's wonder. His people were so isolated up in the mountains, there were so many things, so many simple pleasures they had never experienced before.

"Uncle Cas used to play back here with me all the time when I was your age," Nyx said to Declan, who looked up at the prince wearily. "Wanna play hide and seek with me?"

Declan looked at his mother, then at Cassian, unsure.

"Go ahead, Nyx doesn't bite," Cassian encouraged.

"Uncle Cas, why don't you and Lady Eleanor count, and Declan and I will hide and you guys come find us!"

Eleanor's wings flared in shock when Nyx called her "Lady", but Cassian pretended not to notice, nodding to his nephew. Nyx offered Declan his hand, and to Cassian's immense pride Declan took it after a moment, and the boys took off into the hedges.

"You got one minute!" Cassian called after them, then turned to Eleanor.

"So, you okay?" he asked, and Eleanor nodded.

"It's just...so much. I've never even dreamed of a place like this," she looked around helplessly, and Cassian felt a surge of protectiveness towards her.

"I'm surprised you changed your mind," he said cautiously, and Eleanor bit her lip.

"I saw you about to take my son, and I just panicked."

Cassian felt disappointed, then wondered what he had been hoping she would say. Of course she came for her son, why else would she?

"And I suppose I wanted to experience all this," Eleanor continued. "I thought about Emerie, and how miserable she used to be. Then she met Nesta Acheron, and then she met her mate, and she never looked back. I wanted to know what made her leave us all behind."

Cassian's entire body tensed at the mention of Nesta, and he suddenly was having trouble breathing. The bond raged at him, roaring to leave this female behind, hunt down his mate, and make her his again. His vision blurred, and his wings extended, ready to take flight.

"Cassian? Are you okay?" Eleanor's voice shattered the bond's hold on him, and he looked down at her small hand on his arm.

"I-" he turned his burning gaze to her face, seeing the concern there. "Don't mention my mate, please," he choked out.

"Oh, oh!" Eleanor dropped her hand, looking embarrassed. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking."

Cassian shook his head, trying to get Nesta out of it, then turned away, storming to the nearest fountain and splashing his face with ice cold water. Breathing hard, his body shook as he desperately tried to regain control. Eleanor watched quietly, giving him space. When he managed to calm down, Cassian turned back, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, and Eleanor watched him wearily.

"Does it really pull that hard, the mating bond?" she asked, and Cassian nodded.

"It's not so bad when I'm in Windhaven, a little harder when I'm back in Valeris, but when you mentioned her name…"

"I'm so sorry, I won't do it again." Eleanor sounded deadly serious, and some of the tension left Cassian as took in the determined look on her face.

"Let's look for the boys," he said quietly, and they started to walk together. Eleanor was picking at her sleeve again as they walked, and Cassian felt bad. Freaking out like that can't have made her feel more comfortable, and he wanted her to like it here.

"Like the dress?" he asked finally as they peered behind a hedge.

"Oh, it's very lovely," Eleanor said unconvincingly, and Cassian snorted.

"If you didn't want it, you didn't have to wear it. Feyre wouldn't have been offended."

"I know," Eleanor looked behind a large flower bush, "she is very kind, the queen. I think I will like her a lot."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I didn't want to stand out," Eleanor shrugged.

"Well then you failed at that. You look so beautiful you stand out more now," Cassian said without thinking, and Eleanor froze.

"I, oh," she flushed.

"I see you!" Cassian thundered, spotting the tip of an Illyrian wing right at the perfect time to distract from what he had just said. There was a shriek of laughter, and Cassian tore after the boys who burst out of their hiding spot and took off.

Thankfully, there were no more awkward moments during the game of tag, though both Eleanor and Cassian were both guarded. Soon Feyre appeared and invited them to lunch, and Nyx led the way, Declan trotting along at his side, looking up at the prince adoringly.

Rhys and Feyre dazzled during the meal, doing everything they could to make Eleanor feel welcome. Eleanor eventually opened up, and talked about her work as a cook and even a little bit about her childhood in Windhaven. Her father had apparently been a high ranking captain who had served under Cassian when Cassian first became general. Cassian didn't remember the man, but that wasn't unusual. He had commanded thousands of soldiers in his life, he couldn't keep track of all of them.

Eleanor noticeably did not mention her husband once.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, and by the end Eleanor and Declan retired early, exhausted. Cassian bid them goodnight, his heart pounding in his chest as he watched them go up the stairs.

"She's delightful," Rhys commented behind him. "Pretty too."

"What are you getting at, Rhys?" Cassian grumbled.

"Nothing. It's just nice to meet one of your new friends."

Yea, nothing his ass. Cassian turned to give Rhys a piece of his mind, to tell him that Eleanor was just an Illyrian in need, but Rhys was gone. Irritated, Cassian turned to go to his own room, trying not to think about how Eleanor had lit up, laughing with his family, and how easily Declan had adjusted to being with them.

The next morning the healer came to examine Declan's wings. Declan sat in his mother's lap the entire time, clutching her dress nervously as the healer worked. Afterwards, the healer pulled Eleanor and Cassian aside while Nyx took Declan off to play.

"Structurally, there is nothing wrong with his wings, they are just underdeveloped," the healer told them. "Were there any issues with his birth?"

"The pregnancy was difficult, and he was born too soon," Eleanor said anxiously. "Is there anything that can be done?"

"As his body grows, so will his wings, but they are not growing fast enough to support him. He needs some sort of brace to help strengthen them so he learns how to use them. With proper exercise and support he should be able to fly within a year."

Eleanor nearly collapsed with relief, and Cassian quickly put a hand on her shoulder to steady her. She didn't flinch at the contact, in fact she reached out and grasped his arm for support.

"The Day Court inventors will be here tomorrow, they can come up with something for the job," Cassian assured her. "Do you have any recommendations or specifications I can give to them?"

"Of course," the healer said. "One moment and I will write them down."

Eleanor clung to him, and Cassian tried not to notice.

"He's going to fly," she breathed, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Yes, he is," Cassian promised.

After lunch Feyre offered to take Declan to one of her painting classes for children, and to Cassian's delight the boy accepted as long as Nyx came with them. After some gentle persuasion Eleanor accepted Cassian's invitation to explore the Rainbow Quarter with him while the boys painted.

Slowly, Eleanor was adapting, and she could not keep the delight off her face as they discovered more and more walking down the streets. Wandering into a fabric store, Eleanor ran her hands over all the different silks, wools, and linens from around the world, sighing dreamily.

"Warming up to the idea of fancy dresses?" Cassian teased, and Eleanor blushed.

"Maybe," she conceded, careful of her wings in the tight space of the store.

"If you see anything you want, let me know and I will get it for you."

Eleanor looked at him in alarm.

"I could never accept that, Cassian."

"Why not? You can get some quality leather in here for a jacket, maybe get it fur lined," Cassian said mildly, not looking at her.

"Cassian, please." Her voice was strained, and Cassian forced himself to look. "I can't accept any more than you have already given me. It makes the others think…" she trailed off, but Cassian knew what she meant. He was basically helping raise her son at this point and had taken her on a trip to Valeris to meet his family...at least that is how it looked from the outside. If she came home with arms full of gifts that he had bought her? She would be eaten alive.

"I understand, but the offer stands."

They left the store a little while later, and continued through the streets. Eleanor let out an irritated huff of air and Cassian gave her a curious look.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Why is everyone looking at you like that, like you have three days to live or something."

Cassian glanced around. A few fae were indeed giving him pitying looks and he swallowed, turning away.

"I'm used to it by now, ignore it," he muttered. Eleanor didn't look convinced, but wrapped her arm through his, looking defiantately at the fae until they walked away. They finished up a little while later, returning to Feyre's studio. Declan gleefully showed his mother the painting he had made, and Eleanor gushed over it appropriately.

The rest of the day went by quickly, and Declan was so wiped at the end Cassian had to carry him to his room. Tucking him in, Eleanor at his side, Cassian was overwhelmed with a feeling of rightness. This is what he had wanted with Nesta. To tuck their child in at night, watching him sleep lovingly, after they spent a day together just enjoying each other's company.

"Cassian," Eleanor said gently, "can I talk to you for a minute, outside?"

Cassian turned to her curiously, and nodded. Cassian led her to a nearby sitting area, then waited for her to speak.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier."

"Uh," Cassian's mind scattered as he tried to think which awkward situation she could be referring to.

"About the people staring at you on the street," she clarified.

"Oh," Cassian shifted uncomfortably. "What about it?"

"It bothered you, and you were clearly upset. I just wanted to make sure you were okay?"

Cassian wasn't sure how to respond to that, and stared at her for a moment.

"I'm fine," he said finally. "Like I said, I'm used to it."

"But why?" Eleanor pressed. "Please, Cassian. You've done so much for me, for my son. I want to help you."

Cassian took a shuddering breath, not wanting to relive this. And yet...his heart wanted to talk to her.

"I don't know what you know about why my mate and I separated," he began, his jaw tight. "It was complicated, but as far as the citizens of Valeris are concerned it is because she cheated on me."

Eleanor gaped at him, stunned.

"She cheated on you?" she gasped. "What the fuck?"

Cassian blinked, then let out a snort of laughter.

"What?" she demanded. "What is funny about this?"

"I've never heard you curse before," he said, still chuckling.

"Well it's warranted," Eleanor crossed her arms over her chest, and Cassian tried not to notice how it pressed her breasts up on her chest, displaying them more prominently. "So everyone in this city knows?"

"Yea, she did it sort of in public, so word got around fast," Cassian mumbled. "Ever since, the stares and the muttering follows everywhere I go. It's part of the reason I left to Windhaven."

"And the other part is because you can't be too close to her because of the mating bond?" Eleanor pressed, and Cassian frowned.

"Why do you care, Eleanor? And don't tell me it's because I'm helping Declan. This isn't something I like to talk about."

Eleanor bit her lip, blushing again. She blushed a lot, Cassian noticed. It was kind of adorable. But any pleasure he took from her concern was strangled by a growing unease as the mating bond slithered to life.

"I care, because I care, Cassian! I care about you. It upsets me that you're hurting, and I want to help."

It was too much. Cassian's heart was pounding in his ears, and he felt like he was burning. She cared about him, and the mating bond hated that. It raged and tugged at him, punishing him for forming a relationship with another female. Clenching his fists, Cassian's vision started to blur.

"Easy, Cassian, just breathe," Eleanor's soothing voice cut through the mating bond once more. "Stay here with me, don't let it drag you away."

Cassian took a deep breath, obeying her words, then let it out, coming back to himself.

"I hate this," he admitted, and Eleanor took a cautious step forward.

"Do you want to get some fresh air?" she suggested. "Maybe fly a little bit? The air isn't too cold down here, and I would love to see what the city looks like at night from the sky."

Cassian blinked at her. "You want to go flying with me, right now?"

Eleanor nodded, looking eager. A wide smile spread over Cassian's face, and he felt a little giddy. She made it so easy, so easy to push the horror of the mating bond away.

"Alright, let me steal a jacket for you from Feyre, then we can go."

Flying with Eleanor was a dream. She was grace and elegance personified as she glided through the air next to him, her eyes alight with joy as she watched the city under them. Cassian couldn't keep his eyes off her, however. The twinkling lights from below and the stars above made her dark hair glimmer in the pale light. Her wings almost glittered as she beat them through the air, and her gasps and giggles of delight reached him through the wind.

If Eleanor realized he was staring, she didn't let on as they circled the city once, twice, three times, taking in every beautiful part of it. Finally, it was getting late, and Cassian tried to get Eleanor's attention. She didn't notice him, however, too transfixed, and against his better judgement he lightly bumped one of his wings against hers.

Eleanor pulled up abruptly, staring at him with wide eyes as she flew in place.

"We should head back," Cassian called to her, and Eleanor nodded, looking bashful. When they landed on the lawn in front of the house, the snow coming up passed Eleanor's knees, she turned to him, flushed with the cold, but looking so happy.

"I get it now, why you love this place," she told him, and Cassian smiled at her.

"I'm glad you like it." He hesitated, then plowed ahead. "Maybe you could move here one day, if you wanted? I could help you find a place, and good cooks are always in demand. I know quite a lot of the restaurant owners personally and could help you find a job. No one would judge Declan for being small here."

"Oh, I don't know about all that," Eleanor shifted, "it sounds nice, but I can't imagine living with the high fae."

"There's an entire female Illyrian legion living here because of the Valkyries," Cassian reminded her, and Eleanor frowned.

"Valkyries under the command of your mate?"

Well, that was a bucket of cold water on his plan. Cassian scowled, then started to lead her towards the house.

"I see your point," he grumbled, and Eleanor sighed, taking his arm as she trudged through the snow on her much shorter legs.

"I could carry you, if it would be easier," Cassian suggested, noticing her struggling.

"I'm fine." Eleanor held her head up proudly right before her foot fell through a gap in the snow and she tumbled to the ground. She stared up at Cassian, stunned, then burst out laughing. Cassian joined her, reaching out his arms so she could pull herself up. "Alright, you can carry me, but don't tell anyone."

Cassian was happy to oblige, sweeping her up in his arms in one easy movement. Eleanor tucked in, though she kept her face pointed away from him.

"Thank you for tonight," Cassian said quietly. "This visit has been harder than I thought it would be, but you make it easier."

Eleanor was blushing again. "Of course, Cassian."

When they reached the house, Cassian put her down, and he quietly escorted her to her room. At her door, she paused, looking back.

"I think I might like to move here one day," she admitted. "But not unless you are living here again too."

Before he would respond, Eleanor quickly slipped into her room and shut the door behind her, leaving him stunned behind her.

The next day Eleanor did a remarkable job at pretending nothing had happened, putting all her focus into preparing to meet the fae from the Day Court. Mor had returned and she was doing her best to prepare Eleanor for what to expect. Cassian, feeling embarrassed but secretly pleased at what she had said to him the night before, was keeping an eye on Declan and Nyx who played inside.

When the fae arrived, there was a bit of fanfare, and Cassian made sure his charges were kept far away until it was over. Eleanor kept things light, commenting on the outfits the Day Court members wore as they watched from a distance.

The fae Rhys had recruited to help with Declan's wings accepted excitedly, apparently delighted by the new challenge. Eleanor watched them like a hawk when they examined Declan's wings, taking measurements, and they promised to come up with a brace within a week.

By that evening, any awkwardness between Eleanor and Cassian had vanished, and they sat on a couch next to each other while Declan and Nyx played in front of the fireplace, Rhys and Feyre to their left while Mor sat on the right.

"Hello!" a voice called through the door, and everyone turned.

"Emerie!" Eleanor gasped, jumping to her feet. Mor's mate beamed, holding out her arms. The two females embraced, and Eleanor pulled back with surprise.

"Those are some muscles, Em! I guess those stories about your Valkyrie training aren't exaggerated."

Emerie laughed, looking Eleanor over.

"Look at you in that dress! I can't believe you're here. This is so exciting!"

They started to catch up, and Cassian watched happily, sipping the wine Feyre had just handed him.

"Wine, Eleanor?" Feyre offered, handing Emerie a glass as she did.

"Oh, well I don't know. I've never had any before."

"We'll take things slow, but you have to try this!" Feyre seemed way too delighted, and Cassian was about to suggest perhaps Eleanor wasn't up for it, but Eleanor surprised him. She took the glass from Feyre, gave it a sniff, then took a huge gulp.

"She said take it slow!" Emerie laughed as Eleanor sputtered.

"It burns!" Eleanor exclaimed. "But it also tastes good?"

"That's the spirit!" Mor grinned. "Let's have some fun!"

Too much fun, it was too much fun.

After the boys went to bed it really kicked up a notch, and soon everyone was drunk. Feyre and Rhys were cuddling together, not even bothering to hide their roaming hands while they laughed and talked with the others. Mor was practically yelling her words, and Emerie giggled at everything her mate said. Eleanor sat there, watching all of them with a ridiculously large smile on her face, hiccuping lightly. After a particularly silly joke from Mor, Eleanor laughed so hard she collapsed against Cassian's arm, clutching him as her body shook with her glee. Cassian grinned down at her, feeling tremendous affection for the female. Uninhibited by his worries, drunk Cassian didn't hesitate to wrap his arm around her shoulders and pull him against her, their wings pressing together intimately.

Eleanor snuggled closer, still giggling, and Cassian's chest felt warm. He looked up and saw Emerie watching, a frown on her face, and that warm feeling went away. Cassian tightened his grip on Eleanor's shoulder protectively, daring Emerie to say something.

She didn't, at least that night. The next morning, however, while Cassian was slumped over at the breakfast table nursing his hangover, Emerie pounced.

"What the fuck was that?" Emerie hissed, flinging herself into the seat next to him.

"I'm not in the mood Emerie," he grumbled, staring glumly down at his oatmeal. Rhys and Feyre were with the boys out back, pretending to feel fine and not hungover at all. Eleanor had been unable to get out of bed she was so miserable and Mor was gone on business. Emerie had cornered Cassian alone.

"Eleanor is a good female, and she's vulnerable. You shouldn't be getting her hopes up," Emerie lectured him.

"You think I'm taking advantage of her?" Cassian snapped, not in the mood. "She's a friend, and I'm helping her son."

"Oh yea, it definitely looked like you two were just friends like night," Emerie rolled her eyes. "I never realized you were cruel, Cassian."

"How am I being cruel?" Cassian raised his head, eyes flashing.

"By making her think there is a chance for something between you two when there isn't."

"Who says there isn't?" Cassian didn't back down. "Why couldn't there be something between us?"

Emerie glared at him, her fists clenched.

"You have a mate, Cassian. Leave Eleanor alone."

Cassian couldn't stop the bitter laugh that escaped his mouth.

"Seriously Emerie? Tell me this is a joke."

"Look, I know you and Nesta are separated, but that doesn't mean things won't change in the future. You both are miserable, and with a little bit of time you two will find your way back to each other, everyone knows it. It would be wrong to drag Eleanor into things now."

Cassian had enough. "Listen to me carefully, Emerie." His voice was low, and full of rage. "Nesta and I are done. We will never get back together. We may be miserable now but it is nothing compared to how miserable we were when we were together, and if you are really my friend and hers, you will never bring this bullshit up again."

"It's because I'm your friend I'm saying this," Emerie hissed. "You think you can just replace Nesta with the first broken female with a child you come across? That you can use them to live out your fantasy of having a family? Eleanor deserves better than that."

Eleanor deserves better than you. It was not what Emerie had said, but that is the message he heard. Cassian shut his mouth, resisting the urge to retreat into himself.

Dog, bastard born no body, filth. He hadn't deserved Nesta, he didn't deserve his family, and he didn't deserve Eleanor or Declan either. He was nothing.

"You do not speak for me, Emerie," Eleanor's voice came from the door, sounding more cold and angry than Cassian ever heard before. They both turned and saw Eleanor standing there, her arms crossed over her chest and her wings flaring.

"This isn't what you think," Emerie began, but Eleanor cut her off.

"Please leave. I would prefer to have breakfast with Cassian, alone."

Emerie looked helplessly at her fellow Illyrian for a moment before giving in and slinking away. Cassian let out a breath, sagging slightly.

"Cassian?" Eleanor asked, sitting down beside him. Drawing his gaze to her, Cassian saw only concern on her face.

"Bringing you here was a mistake," he muttered. Eleanor pursed her lips, then tentatively placed a hand on Cassian's arm.

"It was my choice, and I don't regret it," she began. "I don't regret asking you to help Declan, even if everyone else is giving us grief for it. Having you in our lives...in my life is worth it."

Cassian looked away, unable to stand the hopeful look on her face.

"Emerie was right, I don't deserve the trust you've placed in me."

"Bullshit," Eleanor said harshly. "You've been a shadow in Windhaven for years now, Cassian. An angry, loud shadow, but still a shadow. I remember what you were like before you met your mate, before Rhysand was taken. I admired you so much, your strength and determination, the warmth you carried with you wherever you went. I knew how much you cared about all of us, even when our people treated you like dirt. You are exceptional, Cassian, and you deserve happiness. You may not have known I existed until a few months ago, but I have known you my entire life. I trust you with my son, and..and I trust you to be my friend. Please don't let the judgements of others take you away from me. You're the first real friend I have had in a long time."

Cassian's heart was pounding, and he put his hand on top of Eleanor's, giving a gentle squeeze. She couldn't possibly know how much her words meant to him. An entire life of trying to prove himself worthy to the Illyrians had left him heartbroken, but her approval made all of it worth it, and for the first time in his life, Cassian believed that was enough.

"I'm not going anywhere," Cassian promised, meeting her eye, "and I also swear I'm not trying to seduce you, despite what Emerie thinks."

Eleanor smiled lightly. "I never thought you were. In my experience, when a male is wooing a female, the female usually notices."

Cassian actually laughed at that, feeling lighter than he had in ages.

"How's that head feeling?" he asked, and Eleanor grimaced.

"Like someone stuck it inside a drum then beat the drum for hours."

"Yea, we'll have to work on that."