Chapter 10

Eleanor

Eleanor was in love with Cassian, and had been long before he showed up at her tent with Declan that first time. In her childhood, she had often spied on him while she ought to have been doing chores, admiring his easy smile and impressive muscles. He was 400 years older than her, give or take, and was everything she had ever wanted as she grew up in Windhaven.

To him, she had been another girl in the crowd, a girl he was sworn to protect, but he never even knew her name. When she reached maturity, she put off getting married as long as she could, hoping the general's gaze would turn her way, but it never did. He preferred high fae females, everyone knew that, and in the end she accepted a proposal from a seemingly mild tempered male a decade or so older than her.

At first, her husband wasn't so bad. He was curt and a bit boring, but she never had any major complaints. For years they struggled to conceive, and as time went by, her husband's anger over their lack of children grew. He blamed her, unable to believe he was the problem. Then Amanthra had come, stolen their high lord away, and Illyria fell into chaos. Without Rhysand and Cassian there to keep order, violence had descended, and it was only through the protection of her father that Eleanor had not been forcibly clipped. She long suspected her husband would have done nothing to protect her if the angry mobs had come calling.

After 50 years of terror, the high lord returned with Cassian and the shadowsinger by his side, and with them a wave of blood that purged Illyria of the most vile of their people. Eleanor had breathed easy for the first time seeing her beloved general return, but that relief was short lived. Her father died in the battle against Hybern. Her husband survived it. It was after her father's death she learned that he had been the only thing protecting her from her husband's rage. The beatings began soon after, and Eleanor forgot how to dream, forgot the girl that had looked up at the stars and imagined a better life for herself.

When Cassian had showed up at her tent with her son, it took all her self control to remain composed, though she couldn't stop herself from asking for his help. Every day since she had asked him to join them for dinner, praying to the Mother he would say yes. Every day her love for him, once buried down and hidden, grew stronger.

Eleanor had gone to Valeris not only to protect Declan, but because she realized just as they were about to leave that this was her chance to learn more about Cassian than she ever had before, to see the world that he had spent the majority of his life in.

She had learned so much more than she ever expected. Eleanor knew that the mating bond pulled at him, knew that he suffered, but she hadn't realized just how much. Now, knowing that his mate had betrayed him, that there were members of his family who still believed they would get back together, filled her with grief and anger she could barely express.

But she had to keep those feelings to herself, because Eleanor had seen Cassian clearly for the first time. Behind her strong and powerful general was a deeply wounded male who did not feel he was worth very much at all, and that infuriated her more than anything else. The circumstances of his upbringing were undoubtedly the source, but his mate had only made these feelings worse, Eleanor knew it. When they left Valeris later that day, Eleanor was determined to do whatever she could to make Cassian lose that haunted look in his eye, and help heal the wound in his heart.

She knew he did not love her. He cared about her, sure, but despite what everyone seemed to think Cassian didn't see her as anything more than a friend. After what happened with his mate, Eleanor didn't think he was capable of loving again so soon, perhaps he never would be again. And that was fine, Eleanor told herself. If he never returned her feelings, she could live with that, content to merely be his friend.

Returning to Windhaven made Eleanor feel empty, being back in the small and miserable life that was all she had ever known, and it made her second guess Cassian's offer to help her move to Valeris. People were cold towards her, as she had expected, their jealousy over the special treatment she was receiving palpable. But she could weather it, she would weather it, because she would rather have Cassian than all of them anyway, and she would not leave him here alone.

Cassian was in a foul mood in the weeks after the trip, and took it out on anyone who gave Eleanor grief. This didn't do anything to stop the rumors about them that consumed the camp, but it seemed he either didn't notice or didn't care.

The brace for Declan arrived right on schedule, and to Eleanor's great delight they fit perfectly, allowing Declan to begin building up his strength. This should have brought Cassian joy, but his smiles never quite reached his eyes.

After another month of this, Eleanor had enough.

"You are staying for dinner, Cassian, I won't hear otherwise," Eleanor said in her most commanding voice. Cassian looked down at her, amused. He had just dropped Declan off after a highly successful training session, and the boy was cleaning up in the back of the tent.

"Alright, fine," he gave in rather easily, which pleased Eleanor to no end. "But only if you let me help."

"What does a general know of cooking," she scoffed.

"You'd be surprised," he said, coming to stand next to her. "I'm by far the best cook in my family, which isn't saying much, but it's still true."

Eleanor tucked this surprising information away in her heart, delighted to have discovered something they had in common, while trying to ignore the way their wings brush against each other. Neither of them pulled away.

After that night, Cassian began to have dinner with them regularly, and eventually the darkness left his eyes. Each night, after Declan was asleep, Cassian would often linger and the two would talk for a while. At first the conversations were shallow as they discussed life in Valeris, the going ons of the camp, and other such matters. But as time went on, their conversations delved deeper.

Cassian told her about his mother, and the vengeance he had enacted on those who had hurt her. It was a well known story in Illyria, a cautionary tale to any who thought to challenge the male, but to hear it from his perspective gave Eleanor chills. They spoke of his family, of his deep love for his brothers, and how Feyre had saved them all. He told her about the guilt he still carried over Rhysand being taken under the mountain, about the nightmares that plagued him because of it.

Eleanor allowed him to talk, gently offering support or comfort where she felt it was appropriate. Each time she did, Cassian always seemed to be relieved, like he had expected her to not care, and her resentment towards his mate grew. It was clear that no one had been taking care of him in a long time, so she would do it now, and help him through his troubles.

But their relationship was hardly one sided, because he was there for her just as much as she was for him.

She told him about her parents, the love bond they had shared, and how her mother had died giving birth to a stillborn son. They talked about her father, how they had a strained relationship but despite his flaws she had loved him dearly, how hard life had been without him. Eleanor didn't mention her husband, or how he had hurt her, but she suspected she didn't have to. Cassian was far more perceptive than people gave him credit for, and always seemed to see things about her she didn't speak out loud. He protected her without her needing to ask, helped her when she needed it, and gave her space when she didn't. He saw her in a way no one else did.

She wondered if he knew how she felt about him, if he suspected at all.

Six months after their trip to Valeris, Cassian opened up about his mate, about the person she had been in her youth, the difficult start their relationship had, and the horrible way it had ended. Eleanor listened, her heart aching, unable to understand how fate had shackled this magnificent male to such a person. Although she didn't say so, she was glad that he had finally gotten free of Nesta Archeron, not for her own selfish reasons, but because staying with her would have certainly destroyed him.

With him bearing his soul, Eleanor wasn't sure how much longer she could keep her secret, and wondered what he would think of her when he found out the truth about her, about what she was.

Cassian

Cassian loved Declan with all his heart. Nearly a year since he had taken him under his wing, literally, he had grown to think of the boy as his own, despite the obvious reasons he shouldn't.

Cassian didn't know how to tell Eleanor how attached he had grown to her son, how he felt like Declan was his son too. He didn't know that she would welcome those feelings, if Declan would either. But everytime he looked at the boy, at how far he had come since they met, he couldn't stop himself from feeling tremendous pride. He wanted to always be there to guide him, could imagine the male Declan would become. Not a soldier, most likely, but a good male who would defend the weak and nurture love and affection in his life.

If trying to explain all this to Eleanor was difficult enough, Cassian couldn't imagine trying to tell her what she had grown to mean to him. Eleanor was a bright light in his life, a warm and safe place where he never doubted himself. She took care of him in ways no one ever had before, went out of her way to make sure he knew how much she cared. The tough and loving female was smart, funny, and brave, and everything he learned about her made him love her more.

Because it was love that Cassian felt for her, he knew, but he wasn't sure what kind. What he had felt for Nesta was so different than this. It was passion, and fire, and was all consuming like a drug. With Eleanor it was calm, steady, and understanding. It didn't burn or hurt him, it nurtured and protected him, and Cassian couldn't imagine ever letting it go.

But she was hiding something from him, he could tell. There was something in her past that haunted her, that she wouldn't or couldn't speak of. It hurt him that she didn't quite trust him with this when he had spilled all his secrets to her, but he would wait until she was ready.

Unfortunately, life was cruel, and Eleanor wasn't given the option of telling him on her own time. One day while returning Declan, they approached to hear angry shouts, one of the voices being Eleanor's. Cassian immediately tensed, and Declan held his hand tightly, shaking a little in fear.

"That's my grandmother," he whispered, and Cassian immediately went on alert. Eleanor's mother was dead, so he knew this could only be the mother of her deceased husband. As they approached, Cassian's blood burned with anger.

The older female had Eleanor backed against the tent, her wings spread wide as she screamed.

"You stupid little bitch!" the female roared. "I won't let you keep my grandson from me anymore so that you can ruin him! You always were an embarrassment to my family, but now we are expected to stand by while you whore yourself out to that bastard dog to get Declan special treatment? I am taking him, now!"

Cassian shoved Declan behind him, getting ready to intervene. Eleanor didn't see him, her focus entirely on her mother-in-law.

"If you try to take my son, I will cut your wings off myself," Eleanor threatened, and Cassian saw a chopping knife clutched in her hand. She had a wild look in her eye, and Cassian realized she was about to snap.

The older female laughed cruelly, and Eleanor lunged, tackling her to the ground. Cassian flew forward, and pulled Eleanor off while Eleanor slashed and screamed at the female.

"It's okay," Cassian murmured, holding her tightly. "She isn't going to take Declan, everything is fine."

Eleanor let out a shuddering breath, blood dripping from the end of her knife. Her mother-in-law scrambled to her feet, and there was a cut gushing on her arm.

"You evil little cunt!" she hissed. "The Lord will have your head for this!"

"Lord Devon is quite fond of Eleanor, so good luck with that," Cassian said calmly. "Now leave, and never come back here." The female looked like she wanted to argue, but despite her boastful words she cowered before Cassian. After a moment she turned and stomped away.

"Momma!" Declan cried, running to his mother. Cassian released Eleanor and she dropped her knife, pulling Declan into her arms.

"Oh Eleanor, are you alright?" a young female who lived in a nearby tent came scurrying forward.

"Yes, I'm fine," Eleanor choked, even as tears flowed from her cheeks.

"Why don't you stay in my tent tonight, so you aren't alone?" the female offered kindly.

Eleanor shook her head, clutching Declan to her chest, unable to speak.

"I'll keep an eye on them," Cassian told the female, and she pursed her lips.

"May I have a word, Lord Cassian?"

"Of course."

They walked a few feet away, then she turned to him.

"I have lived next to Eleanor a long time," she began. "And I know what type of people her inlaws are. This isn't the first time they've tried to bully her into giving up Declan."

Cassian looked alarmed. "She never said anything."

"I imagine she was trying to protect you from the drama. Her husband was...cruel, behavior he learned from his family. I don't know what exactly is going on between you and Eleanor, but things can't go on like they have been. If they are yours to protect, you need to make it official, my lord, or things will only get worse for her."

Cassian nodded, feeling a little queasy. She was right, he knew she was. It was time to step up.

Turning back to Eleanor and Declan, Cassian offered her a hand.

"Come on, you're staying in my house tonight," he said. Eleanor shook her head.

"We can't, Cassian."

"Yes, you can. You'll be safe there, and we can talk about your future in Windhaven."

Trembling slightly, Eleanor got up, and she and Declan prepared overnight bags before following Cassian back to his home. When they were safely inside, Cassian got to work making dinner for all three of them, Eleanor unable to move from where she had collapsed on a couch. Delcan cuddled with his mother, and they whispered to each other while Cassian worked.

After dinner, and Declan was tucked into bed, Cassian sat Eleanor down.

"You can't stay here," he told her, his eyes pleading. "I know we have talked about Valeris as a hypothetical before, but this is becoming serious."

Eleanor bit her lip, looking miserable.

"I don't want to run away," she whispered. "I don't want to let them win."

"Please, Eleanor," Cassian pleaded. "There's only so much I can do to protect you the way things are. If anything were to happen to you, I don't know what I would do."

Eleanor watched him, her eyes watering again. "Would you come with us?" she asked.

"Yes," Cassian didn't hesitate to say.

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why would you do that Cassian, why are you doing any of this? Going back to Valeris, where your mate lives, would rip you apart. Why would you risk that for us?"

She was begging him for an answer with her eyes, and Cassian's heart beat against his chest painfully.

Because I love you, is what Cassian wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out. Eleanor waited, then shook her head.

"Before you make any decisions, there is something you need to know."

"What?" Cassian croaked. Eleanor was trembling now, staring at her hands, and Cassian took them gently in his own. "You can trust me with anything El."

Eleanor let out a strangled laugh. "I know." She took a deep breath, then started to talk. "I never loved my husband. He was the safe choice when I got married, or at least I thought he was. But after my father died, everything changed. He...he started to beat me."

Cassian's heart constricted, rage pulsing through his veins. He had suspected, of course he had suspected. The way Eleanor flinched if he moved too fast, how guarded she was around males was too marked to miss, but to hear her admit it was agony.

"He hated me because I wasn't giving him children, thought it was my fault. When I finally got pregnant I thought the hitting would end, but it didn't. I told you I had a difficult pregnancy, that Declan was born too soon. That wasn't quite the truth. Declan was born too soon because his father beat me so bad one day it sent me into early labor."

Tears slid down her cheeks, and Eleanor still couldn't look at him. Cassian wanted to pull her into his arms, to swear to her that no one would ever hurt her again, but he didn't move.

"After Declan survived the birth, things calmed down for a bit, but as Declan got older and it became obvious he was small and weak, my husband's anger grew again. I put up with it for a long time until..until." She finally dragged her gaze back to Cassian, and he realized what she was about to say a second before she said it. "He turned on Declan. Declan still couldn't fly, and it enraged his father, so he dragged Declan into the woods and started to toss him off large boulders to try and get him to fly, and when it didn't work he would whip him with a belt. I followed them, and when I saw what he was doing I lost control."

Her entire body was shaking, and now Cassian finally moved, pulling her to his chest and cradling her tenderly.

"I killed him," she sobbed, clutching his shirt. "I took one of my knives and I stabbed him over and over until he was dead."

The sobs took over, and Eleanor couldn't speak anymore. Cassian rocked her gently, pressing soft kisses to her brow.

"It's okay," he whispered. "You did what you had to, you protected your son. You were strong when he needed you."

His words only made her sob harder, and Cassian held her through it, wishing he could take her pain away. Finally, the sobs stilled, and Cassian pulled back to see her face. Eleanor was staring up at him, her eyes bloodshot. He wiped away her tears with his thumb, smiling sweetly at her.

"All this time, no one never knew?" he asked, and Eleanor shook her head.

"I made it look like a wild animal. No one knew he had taken Declan into the woods, he had wanted to keep it a secret. I don't think anyone ever suspected anything."

Cassian wanted to believe her, but the thought that someone out there could possibly suspect she had murdered her husband made his stomach turn. He had to protect her, had to make sure nothing like that ever happened again.

"You should rest," he said gently. "We will figure out what to do tomorrow, but don't worry, okay? I won't let anything happen to you or Declan." Eleanor nodded, and she slowly pulled herself out of his lap and to her feet. Together, they walked towards the bedrooms, and Eleanor paused at the door to where Declan was staying.

"Can I," she swallowed nervously, "stay with you?"

Cassian could feel his pulse pounding through his entire body, and he nodded mutely. Eleanor sagged with relief, and followed him into his room. Carefully, oh so carefully, they got into bed, both still fully dressed, facing each other so their wings wouldn't tangle.

Eventually exhaustion hit, and Eleanor fell asleep. Cassian couldn't sleep, however, his mind racing as he watched his beautiful companion rest. There was no doubt in his mind now, he loved her, the story she had told him only making him love her more. She was his, and he would give whatever broken part of him remained to her care.

Eleanor

Eleanor awoke the next morning feeling sore all over. She had never tackled anyone in her life, and she was feeling it now. Opening her eyes, she realized Cassian was gone, and she let out a disappointed sigh. Waking up next to him had been a fantasy of hers for so long now, but she shouldn't complain. She had told him the truth, and he hadn't rejected her, had taken her to his bed instead, even if it was just to sleep.

Rolling over, Eleanor let out a surprised yelp when she saw the wall of the bedroom was lined with pots of beautiful summer flowers. Sitting up, Eleanor rubbed her eyes, not quite believing what she was seeing.

She pulled herself out of bed and looked cautiously into the hall. The flowers continued away from her, and after peaking her head in the other room, Eleanor realized Declan was missing too. Walking down the the stairs, Eleanor let out a gasp when she emerged in the living area and found every surface covered in potted plants, so colorful and fragrant she could barely take it all in. Pressing a hand to her chest, Eleanor pursed her lips, fighting back her emotions. Cassian had done all this for her.

"Flowers too much?" his deep voice rumbled, and she whirled around to see him standing in the corner, watching her carefully.

"No," she gasped. "They're beautiful."

"Good."

He approached her slowly, deliberately, and Eleanor suddenly felt nervous.

"Where is Declan?" she asked.

"With Feyre and Nyx. They came to visit early this morning."

"Oh."

He was only a few feet away now, and Eleanor saw he was grasping something in his hand.

"I couldn't sleep," he admitted. "I realized last night what I wanted, and after that I couldn't sit still."

"You can't sit still on a normal day," Eleanor breathed, her heart racing. Cassian grinned, suddenly right in front of her, and he cupped her face with his free hand.

"I love you, Eleanor," he said, the words hitting her like the warmest and gentlest summer breeze. "I love you in a way I never thought I could love again. And I love Declan like he is my own son. I've thought of him like he was mine for a while, but was scared to say so."

Eleanor placed her hands on his chest, slightly stunned, staring up at him with wide eyes. He was so beautiful, so powerful yet so gentle, his dazzling eyes looking lovingly into hers.

"It took me a while to realize it, but when I'm with you I don't even notice the mating bond, it's like it doesn't exist. You are all I see. Your smile, your voice, they cut through all else. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, raise a family with you, and not because some mystical bond told me to, but because I choose you."

Eleanor had never heard anything so romantic in her life, and she let out a gasp as Cassian sunk to one knee before her, finally pulling up what was clutched in his hand. It was a small box, and he opened it to reveal a dazzling jeweled ring.

"Eleanor, would you marry me?"

"Yes!" Eleanor cried, launching herself at him, no part of her hesitating. They tumbled to the ground, Cassian laughing as he wrapped his arms around her. Eleanor couldn't contain herself, kissing every inch of his face as she wove her fingers in his hair. She finally kissed his lips, and it was like her entire life narrowed on that moment, on the feeling of them intertwined.

"I love you," she gasped when they pulled apart. "I have loved you my entire life, Cassian. And now you're mine."

"I'm yours," Cassian agreed. "And you are mine, forever."

The wedding took place in Valeris a few weeks later, with Cassian officially adopting Declan as his son the same day. Declan was overjoyed that Cassian was now his father, and proudly told anyone who would listen about his amazing dad.

The ceremony was small and simple, only a few people in attendance. Rhys, Feyre and Nyx, of course. Amren and Varian were there, and Helion for some reason showed up as well. Azriel and Gwyn sat in the front, Gwyn being kind and welcoming to Eleanor much to Cassian's relief. Mor and Emerie also attended, and before the ceremony Emerie pulled Eleanor aside and apologized for how she had acted before, wishing her and Cassian all the happiness in the world.

A few of Eleanor's relations from Illyria also came, and to her surprise even Devon made an appearance, grumbling the entire time about how he had to find a new cook.

After the merriment, Cassian stole Eleanor away, Feyre helpfully winnowing them to a romantic and secluded cabin for some privacy. Declan would be staying with the royal family while they were gone.

When Cassian made love to her for the first time, Eleanor thought she would explode. She never knew sex could be like that, could feel so good, and she knew she could never get enough of it, never get enough of him.

For the first time in so long, Eleanor dreamed again, dreaming of her future with this male, a future where she never had to fear, where her son would be loved and cared for, a future where they were happy. Cassian would look after them, and they would look after him.

And throughout all this, from the moment he had decided to ask Eleanor to marry him, Cassian never doubted his decision for a second. Never questioned if he was making the right choice. Because this was his choice, no one else's, and making that choice felt like a shackle that had been on his heart was finally gone, and he could breathe freely again.