Meredith reaches beside her. Where's her gun? She stumbles out of bed, nearly losing her balance, and undoubtedly making a loud noise. Where the hell is she? Desperately, she looks for a weapon, anything to defend herself.
Footsteps outside the door, she instinctively reaches to her waist, but there's no holster. There's no gun. Her heart pounds, sweat glistening on her body. She's not safe.
A male voice sounds from the other side of the door, and then it opens. She prepares herself for hand-to-hand combat.
Derek is worried, confused, and filled with a thousand other emotions when he hears a thud coming from Meredith's room. Concern drives him to check on her, so he knocks on the shut door and calls her name. When there's so response, he opens it.
It's early evening, but the blinds are closed so the room is dark. However, he can still see her standing, facing him. Her eyes are wild, and he doesn't entirely recognize who he's staring at.
"Meredith? Mer, it's me," he tries, stepping closer to her. She inhales sharply and moves away.
Derek realizes that she's having a flashback. What the hell is he supposed to do? She won't let him get close to her, so he tries talking.
His voice is naturally low and soothing, and he does his best to calm the obviously panicked woman in front of him.
"Meredith."
She stops. That voice, it finally cuts through her clouded, horrible thoughts. She recognizes it.
Meredith's heart is pounding, fear running through her.
It takes a minute, and then it hits her. Everything around her comes into focus, and the memories come crashing over her in an instant.
"Derek," she breathes.
He stops, smiling slightly in relief. "Hey."
"Oh my god." Meredith takes in her surroundings, trying to calm herself. Pain from her back spears through her, and she's forced to sit on the edge of the bed.
She wipes her forehead with the back of her hand, removing the cold sweat that had been building up there. She sucks in oxygen, her lungs feeling tight.
Derek slowly moves to sit next to her. She immediately leans into him, and on instinct, he wraps his arm around her smaller body.
"You're okay. It's okay," he whispers, waiting until she finally feels comfortable enough to sit back up on her own.
"My back," she manages to speak, her voice sounding distressed.
"Your spine?" He grows concerned again, knowing how fragile spines can be after major surgeries like hers.
"I-I don't know- I just moved really fast and..." she places a hand on the cause covering the gash on her back, biting her lip through the pounding pain.
Derek gets up and grabs the bottle of Percocet and hands her one. She takes it dry.
After a few more minutes of sitting in silence, they finally make eye contact.
"Do you want anything? Water, food?"
Meredith's mouth is so dry she can barely swallow. "Water would be good."
He nods, standing up and heading back out to the kitchen. Derek is torn between pressing her for details about what just happened, or letting her wait to talk to him on her own.
She follows him out, gratefully taking the glass of water and drinking it all.
"I'm sorry...I don't, uh, I don't know what happened back there."
"Don't apologize for it. Are you okay?"
She laughs self-deprecatingly. "For the moment, I think so." A pause. "Derek, I was in a flashback. I had a dream about one of the first accidents I was in during my time in the Marines and I woke up...I woke up thinking I was still there," she bites her lip again, meeting his gaze hesitantly, "I was looking for a gun. I panicked when I couldn't find a gun."
This causes Derek to pull back abruptly. "What?"
"During my tours, I always had two guns on me, and one on my nightstand next to my bed. Didn't matter if I was in a tent or a bunk or anything, there were always weapons within an arms reach. Just in case, you know? I woke up...afraid, and my first thought was to find my guns." Meredith's words are torn, and the pain on her face is obvious. Always having been a very private person, she has no idea why she's telling Derek all this now. She never talks about her past, yet, she can talk to him about it.
Meredith hangs her head, embarrassed.
"I don't have any weapons in his house, especially not a gun." Derek says firmly.
"I-I know, and that's a good thing. I'm not trying to say you should...I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have had to see that, or deal with that."
He softens, seeing her hurt. "Mer, it's okay, I-"
Meredith's phone begins to ring, and she stops to glance at the screen. Icy cold fear runs through her when she sees it's Bright Hills Nursing Home. She stops the conversation instantly and accepts the call. "Colonel Meredith Grey speaking."
Derek sees her instant change in demanor and falls silent.
"Hi Colonel, this is Joanne. We need you to come as soon as possible."
"Why? What happened?" Meredith keeps her voice calm and holds her phone between her ear and her shoulder as she moves to slip on her jacket and shoes.
"Your mother, she's lucid."
Meredith stops. "What?"
"She's lucid, and in a panic. She won't let anyone go near her, and she won't eat or drink. We're afraid she might hurt herself or someone else."
"Oh my god," Meredith breathes, staring at Derek. He's completely confused, but her wide eyes have a mix of fear and disbelief and other emotions. "Uh, okay. Okay, I'll be there in...ten minutes."
"Thanks so much. Drive safe, but please hurry." Joanne hangs up.
"I need you to drive me to Bright Hills. Now." She demands, grabbing Derek's jacket and kicking his shoes towards him.
"Was that them?" He begins to slip on his shoes, slowly trying to piece together what's happening.
"Yes. It's my mother. Derek, we need to get there as fast as we can."
Realization crashes over him and he picks up the speed of his actions. In a matter of seconds, the two are in the car heading through the city.
"Is it bad? Do they need to call the hospital?" He asks gently from behind the wheel.
"No, no. She's not dying. Well, she is but- she's lucid." Meredith replies, not making eye contact.
Finally, he understands. As a neurosurgeon, Derek knows there's no way to know how long an Alzheimer's patient will be lucid. So, he understands her urgency and steps on the gas. It may be reckless, but Meredith doesn't say anything.
He skids to a halt in the nearest open parking spot and Meredith is out of the car before it's even in park. Pain shoots through her torso at her fast movements, but she doesn't care. She runs as fast as she can, which isn't very fast, and heads inside, followed closely by Derek.
"I'm Colonel Meredith Grey, I was called about my mother, Ellis Grey." She stops abruptly at the front desk, panting.
Derek stands quietly beside her, for the first time noticing how she introduces herself. She uses her military rank but drops the doctor part most of the time. For a brief moment, he wonders why. Then, she's off again, this time following a receptionist lady to the back rooms.
"Should I wait outside?" Derek offers quietly when the lady shows her to a private room. Meredith only nods. The worker walks away, and Meredith stands, staring at the door. Time is very limited, but part of her is afraid to face her real mother.
Finally, she twists open the knob and steps into the small, prim room, and shuts the door behind her. Before she can even take in the surroundings, a shaking, terrified voice comes from next to her.
"Oh my god, where am I? Why am I here? What the hell happened?"
Meredith faces her mother, who is pacing the floors, unaware of Meredith's presence. "Mom."
Ellis stops, staring in shock at her daughter. "Meredith?"
"Yes. It's me, Mom."
"You look so..."
"Much older? Yeah."
"Where am I? What happened? I must have had a-a panic attack or some type of breakdown. Is that why I'm here? Is this a hospital?" Ellis rambles so quickly Meredith can barely understand her again.
"Mom, stop. Breathe. You need to calm down, okay?"
"How long has it been? Six months? A year? You look so different."
"You didn't have a breakdown or anything. This isn't a hospital. This is your home." Meredith bites her lip, wondering how her mother will react to the news.
Ellis stares in confusion.
"This is a nursing home. I put you here seven years ago when I left the United States."
"Seven...no, seven years? That can't be right. You mean seven months?"
"I mean years. Mom, you have Alzheimer's. Early-onset. You were diagnosed eight years ago." Meredith presses her lips together and inhales slightly, deciding directly to the point was the best way to tell her.
Ellis falls silent. Shock evident on all her features.
"It's been seven years?" She whispers.
"Yes. I'm so sorry, Mom."
The clock ticks as minutes of pregnant silence pass. Ellis sinks down into a chair in the corner of her room.
Meredith clears her throat awkwardly, "Do you want anything? Food, water?"
"Water would be good."
Meredith nods and leaves the room, shutting the door behind her and releasing a sigh.
"How is she?" Derek asks, straightening from his spot leaning against the wall a few feet away. "How are you?"
"She's...I don't know. I calmed her down enough to tell her and she's just been silent. I'm getting her water." Meredith talks as she begins to walk towards the water-cooler down the hall. Derek follows.
"And you?"
"I'm fine."
He studies her as she fills a paper cup with water, then turns to go back. "Take as long as you need. I'll be here."
Meredith glances up at him, smiling slightly and nodding gratefully, then heads back into the room. She hands Ellis the water, which the elder woman drinks quickly.
"Sit down," Ellis says, though it's more of a request.
Meredith moves to the chair next to her mother as eases herself down, biting her lip against the twinges of pain as she does so. "What happened to you?" Ellis asks, ever observant.
Meredith laughs slightly. "A lot has happened to me, Mom."
She narrows her eyes. "Last I remember...you were a surgeon. At Hopkins. Doing your fellowship for general."
"Yes. I was there, and I was planning on staying there. Then, you were diagnosed. After almost a year, you got so bad that you required around-the-clock care. So, I moved you to Seattle. You grew up here, I figured it would be good for you."
"So I've been living in this nursing home for seven years in Seattle. What have you been doing?"
Meredith is slightly shocked that Ellis asked. Never before had she shown such an interest in her life.
"I...I joined the military. I spent my first three years in the Navy and then four in the Marines as a field surgeon. I'm Colonel Dr. Meredith Grey now."
"You joined the military? You're a Colonel?"
"Yes."
"And you got hurt."
"I got hurt a lot. I spent the past seven years there."
"Are you going back?"
"No...this injury prevents me from doing so."
"What's the injury?"
"I...I was blown up. Shrapnel impaled me through and through. I'm really lucky to be alive."
A mix of emotions crosses through Ellis's eyes. "I'm glad you're alive. You are far too young to die."
"I would have been okay with it, I think. I left my mark on medicine. I saved lives with my hands and countless ones in the future."
"It sounds like there's a story there."
"The abdominal wall transplant. I developed and performed it. It worked. The transplant will save so many people."
Ellis smiles, and Meredith almost thinks she's hallucinating when she sees a flash of pride on her mother's face. "You were awarded for it, I hope?"
"I have a lot of awards now, Mom. A Navy Cross, Distinguished Service Cross, Public Health Service Medals, Surgeon General, Purple Hearts..."
"Purple Hearts?"
Meredith sighs. "My body's been through some really rough times."
Ellis is silent, studying her daughter. Then, she abruptly changes the subject, "How much time do I have left?"
The colonel pulls back slightly. "What do you mean?"
"Don't play dumb, Meredith. I'm dying. I can see it in the way you look at me, the way those nurses earlier looked at me. How much time?"
"Not much..." she sighs, "weeks, if you're lucky. Your heart and liver are failing."
Ellis nods slowly. "Are you okay now?"
"What do you mean?"
"In general. How have you been doing? I know it's been almost a decade since we had a civilized conversation, but I would like to know if my daughter is doing well before I die."
"Morbid, Mom. And I'm okay. I haven't decided what I'm going to do with the rest of my life yet. I'll be stuck in Seattle for my post-op care and physical therapy for the next few months."
"Have you...met anyone?"
Meredith drops eye contact.
"I'll take that as a yes. Well, tell me about him. If you ask me, you don't need a man, your one and only true love should be surgery. Does he know what you've been through?"
Meredith shrugs, surprised at Ellis's last question. "I do love surgery. I couldn't imagine my life without it. And...I don't really know what he and I are. We haven't made anything official, we've been on one date."
"But?"
"I really like him, Mom. Actually, he uh, he drove me here. Since I'm not cleared to drive yet. He's sitting right outside."
Ellis's expression morphs into one of shock. "So he's already better than the other assholes you dated in high school and college."
"Mom, please. He's a neurosurgeon. Dr. Derek Shepherd. He...he saved my life. And the function in my legs."
She's silent for a moment, then tilts her head up with pride. "I'd like to meet him. Why don't you send him in and wait outside?"
Meredith's heart skips a beat. "Uh, what?"
"You heard me. Go."
Not able to argue with her mother, Meredith gets up and walks out of the room, where Derek instantly stands and tries to gauge how she's feeling.
"How'd it go?"
"She uh, she wants to meet you."
Derek stops, shocked. "She what?"
"You should hurry. Who knows how long she'll be lucid." Meredith doesn't make eye contact with him as she moves to sit in the chair where he was sitting not moments ago. Seeing no other choice, he takes a calming breath and enters the room.
The Ellis Grey, two-time Harper Avery Award winner, creator of the surgical Grey Method sits frail and pale in a chair in the corner. Her eyes are clear, however, and they stare him down.
"You must be Derek Shepherd." Her voice is hoarse.
"Yes."
"Meredith's boyfriend?"
"Uh- we don't exactly- we're not- we haven't- uh,"
Ellis rolls her eyes. "What are your intentions with my daughter?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Everyone knows I won't be around for much longer, Dr. Shepherd. I want to make sure Meredith is on the right path before I go." Ellis rolls her eyes, "If you ask me, she doesn't need you, or any man for that matter. But she seems quite smitten with you, so, please, tell me what your intentions with my daughter are."
Derek swallows thickly. "I know I've only known her for a couple of months now, but we live together. I see her all the time, and I never want to be away from her. We haven't made anything official, but honestly, I could see myself marrying Meredith and settling down with her. I know she's recovering from the war, and I want to be there with her every step of the way. We haven't said this yet either, but I think...I think I love her. And something tells me I always will."
Ellis studies him with narrowed eyes and he shifts his weight nervously between his feet, awaiting judgment. Finally, a slight hint of a smile appears on her face.
"Send Meredith back in, will you?"
Thoroughly confused by this, Derek obeys, exchanging an unknowing look with Meredith as he sends her back into the room.
"What did you say to him, Mom? He looks-"
"Do you love him?" Ellis cuts her off.
"What?"
"Do you love him?" Her voice is much sharper this time.
Meredith bites her lip. "I...I think so."
Ellis nods. "I don't know you. We never had the kind of relationship either of us wanted. But I'm your mother, and I love you no matter what. You need to remember that. I won't be here to support or protect you, but I love you."
Surprisingly, Meredith feels tears sting her eyes.
"I want you to be happy. I can see that he makes you happy. Don't ever let him put his career before yours, okay? Promise me that. I know you are a gifted, brilliant surgeon. I couldn't have both love and surgery, but I didn't work hard enough. You can. I want you to. Can you promise me that?"
"Mom-"
"Promise me, Meredith." Ellis's voice is soft, and her body begins to relax into the chair.
"I promise."
She smiles, faintly, and Meredith takes a step forward with growing concern. "Thank you," Ellis whispers.
"Mom, you're scaring me." Meredith's voice waivers. "Mom?"
Ellis doesn't respond, only stills in the chair. In an instant, Meredith is at her side, feeling for a pulse. Panic. "Derek! Call an ambulance!" She yells.
He is in the room in half a second, taking in the sight of Meredith pulling her mother to the ground to begin CPR. Derek gets help and kneels down across from Meredith.
"Mer, stop. I got it. You're going to hurt yourself." He orders.
"She's my mother," Meredith pants, adrenaline keeping her from feeling the pain she knows she should be feeling. CPR is the most physical excretion she's done since the accident.
"I know, but you're already injured, don't set yourself back in your recovery again."
After another few seconds, Meredith stops, and Derek takes over. A few nurses run into the room. "Ambulance is five minutes out." One says.
"Damn it, we don't have five minutes. Get a defibrillator!"