6: Carols
Tina Lord and Cordero "Cord" Roberts (OLTL)

London, England

Tina had taken over his life once more - and his bathroom, from the looks of it. He walked in there to see every variety of cosmetic, puff and feminine product known to womankind. He furrowed his brow in annoyance. She hadn't even been there three hours and already she was running roughshod over him.

He backed out of the bathroom and headed down the hall. "TINA!" He bellowed, heading for the kitchen where she had sequestered herself. He found her devouring a box of his favorite crackers. She was just making herself at home, wasn't she? Well he wouldn't stand for it!

Tina looked up at him. A little crumb lingered on her chin and he had the strongest urge to wipe it away, to touch her skin, and then he scolded himself. No, he wouldn't go near her. She would … she would pull him back in and he wouldn't - couldn't - allow that.

"Dammit, Tina!" Cord snapped. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Eating," Tina answered as if it should be obvious. "The food they served on the plane … Well, I wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole."

"Those are my crackers," he said, feeling decidedly territorial. "And this is my house and you don't get to come in here and -" He saw her looking towards the window now. "Tina, are you listening to me?

"Tina?" He said again.

"Oh stop your bellowing, Cordero, and listen to the music," Tina said. She moved over to the frosted windowpane.

"What music?" He asked but now he heard it too. Soft voices in the distance, unified in singing "Good King Wenceslas." Young voices, from the sounds of it.

"Oh it sounds nice," Tina said. "Come over here and look at those precious kids."

"Precious kids?" Cord echoed. "Tina, you are going soft in your old age."

Tina glared at him. "I resent that. I am not old! I still look exactly the same way I did when the kids were just babies."

Actually, she looked even better. She was aging like a fine wine, but he wasn't about to tell her that.

Tina grabbed Cord by the collar of his shirt and yanked him to the window with all of her might. He stood stiffly beside her, not saying anything. She looked up at him as the group of children broke into a rousing rendition of "Frosty, the Snowman."

"Even you can't stay mad, Cord," she said, "when you hear this. Christmas is such a wonderful time of the year. Now stop acting like The Grinch." She bumped him with her shoulder and heat shot up his arm to color his face.

Tina pressed her cute little nose to the glass. "I missed these things, with our kids," she said in a soft, mournful voice. "And you can berate me all you want for that but you can't make me feel worse than I already do. Why, Cord, they're adults now and I missed so much, being -"

"Selfish… self-involved… stubborn…"

She looked up at him and he was surprised to see tears misting her eyes. "All of those things and more. I've been a complete fool."

He wanted to snap at her, shout at her really, that indeed she had been and that she had no right to come here after all this time and try to play Family Woman but the words didn't materialize on his lips. He just stared at her. He felt as if he were seeing a whole new side of Tina and it honestly discombobulated him. Still, he couldn't let her too close, he couldn't let her in, because ultimately, she never learned her lesson.

He moved away from the window. The kids had paused right in his front yard and were now singing "Silent Night". He walked over to the counter and stubbornly shoved what was left of the crackers into the cupboard. He felt Tina watching him and he sighed.

"Tina?"

"Yes, Cord?"

"Why did you really come here after all of this time?"

"I told you, I missed my family. I missed all of you," she said.

"But why now?" Cord pressed. "You had years to come around and you didn't. There were large gaps in time when CJ and Sarah didn't see or hear from you. Now they're adults and -"

"And maybe they won't want a thing to do with me, but I have to try. Cord, I have to try."

"Why now?" He pressed. He could be every bit as stubborn as her.

"Because!" Tina shouted. "Because I realized that life is much too short and that all I wanted was to see my family." She splayed her hands. "When something awful happens, it puts your priorities into perspective, right?"

Cord lifted his eyes to look at her. "What awful thing happened? Did Cain leave you or something?"

Tina sniffled. "Actually he did when he found out-"

"Found out what? Come on, Tina. Explain. I think you owe me that much."

"When he thought there was a possibility I had … cancer… he couldn't handle it and he ran off to find his next con."

A thousand emotions immediately raced through Cord when he heard her say the word "cancer". He choked out, "You have cancer, Tina?"

"No, but the doctors thought I did. Ultimately, the tumor turned out to be benign."

"Well thank god," Cord murmured, shoving a hand through his hair. He couldn't help himself. He could hate Tina but yet he couldn't imagine a world she wasn't in.

"Oh, Cord, the whole time all of the tests and procedures were happening, I was terrified, and so alone and I realized I had driven away everyone who ever tried to care about me. So don't you see - I had to come back here and try to make things right with CJ and Sarah...and you. Maybe it's not going to happen but I have to try. I don't want to be alone anymore. It doesn't suit me."

Tears were on Tina's cheeks. Never in all of his years of knowing her, of being frustrated by her, of loving her and hating her, had he ever seen her this vulnerable. He wanted to believe that she was just trying to pull one over on him - it would hurt him less; he could still be angry as he deserved to be - but he knew the truth. She wasn't lying for once. She had been alone and scared and no one knew.

"Oh, Tina, why didn't you call me?" Cord asked.

"Would you have cared? Would you have come to see me?"

"You should know the answer to that."

"But I've burned so many bridges…"

"You have," Cord said. "But maybe -"

"Maybe what?"

"Maybe in some time you can try to rebuild those bridges."

"Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden, Cord?" Tina asked, swiping at her teary face. "Two minutes ago you were hollering at me about your damn crackers and now… You're looking at me … Almost like you used to."

"Maybe I just realized some things too," Cord said.

"Such as?"

"Tina, don't push me." He sighed. "I am just sorry you went through all of that alone, that you didn't feel you could call me. That you didn't know I'd be on the next plane ride out to hold your hand and tell you everything would be okay."

"Oh I would have loved that."

"You never gave me the opportunity, Tina."

"I sincerely thought you hated me, that you wouldn't give a damn, that I had ruined everything that once was."

"You don't trust me."

"Do you trust me?" She returned. She moved to him and touched his cheek. He tried to draw back but found he couldn't, hypnotized by the warmth of her fingers on his face.

"No, I would be a fool to do that," he said. Her face fell. "But I do believe in you, Tina. There's a big difference. Maybe I believe you're sincere and want to try to fix everything you broke."

"Can we try again, Cord? I love you, I still love you so much. It's always been you."

"Tina-" He started. His voice was hoarse.

"Okay, it's too soon, but just tell me… Tell me all hope isn't lost."

Cord sighed. "I don't want to make any promises, Tina. You hurt me and the children more than anyone ever has."

"I know," Tina said. "So I won't push. I promise I won't. Just don't push me out, Cord. Please. Let me try to make things right. Can't you do that?"

Cord's brain screamed at him to turn her down, to tell her he could never be with her again, but his heart was louder, demanding he say, "I won't push you out. But don't you hurt us again, Tina. I am asking you not to do what you've done before - cheat, lie, and then run away."

"I won't," Tina said. "I swear it. Can I stay, please?"

Cord sighed. "Fine, but you have to move your things to the bathroom downstairs. I don't walk in there and see all of that… lady stuff."

Tina smiled through her tears. "Alright, I can do that right now." She started to move away and then paused for a second. "Thank you, Cord."

Then she was gone and he found his heart aching for her, just like it always had.

Damn his heart.