"...and I hope that together, we can work to end this problem once and for all. Thank you."
There was a round of applause from the television set before it cut back to the newscaster, who helpfully explained what the speech the viewers had just seen was about.
"Kid's doing speeches already? Damn." Ralf turned away from the TV and took a long pull on his beer. It was already warm, and he gulped it down as fast as possible.
The King of Fighters '97 tournament was just finishing up its first rounds, and outside the official cafeteria other contestants were training hard for the next set. Inside, the Ikari Warriors sat in air-conditioned comfort with a pile of beer in front of them.
"You know him?" Athena said with surprise. She hadn't expected her two newest teammates to have that many political connections. Honestly, she wasn't too sure about this team switch-up for the latest KoF, but some higher-ups had insisted. Well, theirs was not to reason why...
"Know him? I dragged the pants-pissing little brat out of hell."
"What he means is that we got sent in to rescue the kid when he was kidnapped as part of a plot against his father in the 1988 presidential election," Clark clarified.
"Not that you'd know anything about it, since the brass decided it didn't look good that they let it happen in the first place and covered the whole damn thing up." Ralf chugged the rest of his beer, tossed the empty can to the sizable pile behind him, and grabbed another one. It was only slightly less warm than the previous. "Anyway, I stabbed his guard in the face about 30 times before the fucker went down. Kid was covered in blood by the end. Still managed to walk out of there, real trooper."
"That guy was a giant." Clark raised his own beer in salute. "I got stuck kicking all the rest of the guys in the face 'cause the brass couldn't be bothered to send us in with any equipment. We got real good at jump kicks." He took a long drink, lost in memories. "That mission started off with crashing in the jungle and Ralf wouldn't stop fucking singing Funkytown the entire goddamn time."
"It's a good song."
"You never got past the first two lines."
"Still a good song."
"That's...great," Athena said with a nervous sort of laugh. She reached out to the pile of beer and took one for a daring and experimental sip. It was, as she had expected, awful.
"Of course, that was after we were chosen by a supernatural force to invade hell itself and save the world from an army of demons," Clark added.
"I remember that! We were just heading back from saving Colonel Cook - don't know why that bastard couldn't walk out of the camp on his own, fucker's huge too - and there was this giant storm and then we were in hell. Picked up some swords and killed a lot of demons." Ralf grinned in a way he knew impressed women. "Wasn't a problem for soldiers like us, of course."
The effect of Ralf's bragging was completely lost on Athena. "Oh sure, I've done that," she said casually. "I once had to fight my way through hell just to get to a concert. Did you have to get your swords out of random rocks too? My heavenly ancestor Athena warned me when I awakened, but I didn't believe her until then." She sighed. "Kensou was there too, but he wasn't much help. He'd jump in, yell 'Okay, let's go!' and then get knocked down again. He should've stayed in the flying saucer."
There was a long pause over the table as the Ikari Warriors digested this.
"We just found the swords lying on the ground," Clark said, right before Ralf jumped in with: "Athena's the one in the bikini, right? With the big-" he made several expressive gestures around his chest "- and the-" more expressive gestures, a bit lower down "- like that? I've seen pictures, they're great. Why don't you wear a bikini?"
Athena sputtered. "That's- I- I'm not my ancestor! And she usually wears full armor, thank you very much! Be more polite!"
"Nah, it's a bikini." Ralf polished off his latest beer. "Don't get frazzled, it looks great on her. Five stars." He gave Athena a long, critical look. "Probably wouldn't look as good on a little girl like you, though. Maybe keep the schoolgirl look."
Clark agreed with sticking with the uniform while Athena glared. "I might be a little girl, but the power inside me is burning bright," she muttered. She fixed her eyes on Ralf and read his mind with grim determination. After a few moments, her face fell. "You really don't believe in right or wrong, do you."
"Nope. Just the mission." Ralf stood up and stretched. "Guess we should get some practice in while we can. Come on you two." Clark and Athena followed suit, the latter still grumbling to herself. Leaving the pile of cans behind, the trio left the cafeteria.
A few tables away, KoF's latest entrant watched them go with stars in his eyes. "Did you hear that, Mr. Kusanagi? I can't believe we get to meet such heroes here! It's a real honor!"
"If you believed that load of bullshit you're even dumber than I thought." Kyo kicked out his legs and pushed himself to his feet without taking his hands out of his pockets. "Well, whatever. I gotta go hang out with my real friends now. Later."
"Goodbye, Mr. Kusanagi! I hope to see you again soon!"
"Yeah yeah. Don't forget the curry bread, you hear? And some chips on the side!"
ARCADE JOKES
Most of the games referenced are terrible, but I'll always have a soft spot for Fantasy.