(GREETINGS AND SALUTATIONS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND THIS IS THE AGENT OF LITERATURE SIGNING ON.)
A FILM BY PETER PARKER
As a car drove past the sight of the Stark expo,a young man was recording it with his cell phone.
"New York,Queens."He said in a deep voice.
"It's a rough borough,but hey it's home."
"Who are you talking to?"The driver asked.
"No one."The young man now speaking with his normal voice said.
"Are you recording this?"
"Yeah,yeah yeah."
"You know you can't show that to anyone right?"
"Oh yeah...so uh,Happy was it?
"You wanna say something for the camera?"
But Happy simply brought up the block window between him and the young man.
"Oh,ok."
He then pointed the camera back out to the road.
"That was Happy hogan."He said, speaking in the deep voice again.
"He's my chofer,my own personal chaperone,my ride to life my…"
(Jump cut)
"Come on,I'm not carrying your bags."Happy said,as they got their stuff out of the trunk of a car.
They were about to board a plane that was due for Berlin,it had been at least 24 hours since Tony Stark had visited Peter at his home and recruited him to go to Berlin for some reason he wasn't exactly clear on.
"Hey,should I go to the bathroom before we leave?"Peter asked.
"There's a bathroom on board."
The camera then jumped cut to Peter being on the plane and he saw that there was no one in the cockpit.
"Whoa no pilots,that's so cool."
The camera again jump cut to Peter sitting down in front of Happy.
"Is where you're sitting for the trip?"Happy asked.
"Uh,yeah."
Happy then got up and sat somewhere else.
"Is this the first time you've ever been on a private plane?"
"First time I've been on any plane."
Suddenly,the plane shook.
"Is it supposed to do that?"
"Yeah that's normal."Happy said,as he laid back and closed his eyes.
After being on the flight for a couple hours,Peter decided to sneak up on Happy while he was asleep,he held the camera close to his face giggling a little,which then jolted Happy awake,forcing Peter to retreat.
"You do that again and I'll throw you out."Happy said.
"Do what?"Peter said.
(Jump cut)
Peter and Happy had eventually arrived at the airport in Berlin,as they made their way to the baggage claim.
"So."Peter said,as he pointed the camera to himself,and then did a narration over shots of him exploring Berlin.
"No one has actually told me why I'm in Berlin,all Mister Stark told me was that Captain America was on the run and needed to be brought in,I honestly never thought I'd actually get to meet Captain America,but that's gonna be awesome."
Peter and Happy had arrived at a hotel and were making their way to their rooms.
"This is you."Happy said,pointing towards Peter's room.
"We're not gonna be roommates?"Peter asked.
"No,why would we be roommates?
"That's just wrong."
"I don't know."Peter said.
"Well hurry up and get dressed,You gotta meet Tony in twenty minutes."Happy said.
"Oh ok."
A little while later,Peter was in his homemade suit and was recording himself getting amped up.
"Ok Peter."He said to himself.
"This is it,this is the big leagues,you're playing with the big boys now."
"What are you wearing?"Happy asked,as he came into Pete's room.
"This is my costume."
"Why aren't you wearing the other suit?"
"What other suit?"
Happy then showed Peter another room.
"Wait, this is a room,I thought this was a closet."
Happy led Peter to a small coffee table,where there was a suitcase,as Peter walked to it,finding a note that said "A minor upgrade" and opened it,and a full suit appeared before Peter's eyes.
"This is..this is so cool."Peter said.
"This is for me?"
"Yeah,now hurry up,you now have ten minutes."
"This is insane..insane,look at this,look at the eyes."
(Jump cut)
Peter was now in his new suit,standing by waiting for Stark to give him the signal,as he placed his phone in what he hoped would be a safe place,he then looked over and saw Stark in his suit,his friend War machine,Cap and Black widow,as well as a new guy he didn't know.
"Ok so there's Captain America."He said to the camera.
"War machine,Black widow,hey who's that new guy?'
"UNDEROOS!"Tony shouted.
"Oh hey that's my que,gotta go!"
Spider-man then jumped over and shot a web at Caps shield as he landed next to Iron man and War machine.
"Hey everyone."He said.
Sometime later,Spider-man came back to where his phone was,to give an update to his so called viewers.
"Ok so the craziest thing just happened."He shouted,as explosions could be heard all around.
"I Just Had A Fight With Captain America,And I Stole His Shield And Then I Threw It At Him And…."
Suddenly,Ant-man got big,as he grabbed War Machine by the leg.
"What the hell,he's big now,I gotta go,I gotta go!"
The camera fell back,as War Machine was sent flying.
(Jump cut)
Peter was back in his room that night after the fight had taken place,but he was sitting in front of his laptop,as unfortunately,his phone got destroyed in the fight.
"That was the most awesome thing I've ever been a part of in my life."Peter said into the camera.
"So Mister Stark was like "Underoos"and I jumped in and stole Captain America's shield,and I was all like "Hey What's up everybody?"And then…"
Suddenly,a knock came to Peter's door.
"Just a minute."He said,as he did a backflip towards the door,as Happy came in wearing a bathrobe.
"What's up?"
"These are thin walls."Happy said annoyed.
"Oh."
(Jump cut)
A couple days later,Peter was back home in New York,as Happy and Tony were making their way back to Peter's house.
Needless to say,both Tony and Peter were showing the bruises of the fight,as Tony's arm was in a sling.
"What're you making,a video diary?"Tony asked.
Peter had bought a regular camera to finish his recording.
"Yeah,is that cool?"Peter asked.
"Yeah it's cool,probably should make an alibi to give to your Aunt,so she doesn't ask questions."
"Really,that'd be so cool."
"Ok set it up."
Peter then got close to Tony and turned the camera so that they could both be in the shot.
"Hey May."Tony began.
"How you doing,what're you wearing,something skimpy I hope."
Peter looked at Tony with a very uncomfortable look on his face,as Tony began to laugh.
"I'm just kidding,that's inappropriate,let's start over.
"Hey May,wow so I wanted to tell you that your nephew did awesome on the retreat and don't worry about the black eye he's got,boys will be boys am I right,but everyone was impressed with him,and…"
"COME ON!"Happy said as he honked his horn.
"It's a freaking merge."
"That's because you're not on Queens Boulevard."Tony said.
"See Happy is hoping to get bumped up to asset management,and he was the forehead of security for me before he was a driver."
"That was a private conversation."Happy said.
"I don't like joking about this,it was hard for me to talk about."
"Ok I'm sorry I won't mention your forehead again,but seriously was he snoring a bunch?"
"Ok we're here."
Happy suddenly stopped the car.
"He's very sensitive,Happy can you give us a moment alone please?"
"You want me to leave the car?"
"Just go set his stuff out so I can talk to the kid,and leave the case too."
"You're letting me keep the suit?"Peter asked,as he shut off the camera.
"Yeah,can't fit me,that's what we were just talking about.
"But do me a favor though,Happy's kind of your point guy on this,so if you need anything you talk to him,but don't stress him out or do anything stupid,ok,I've seen his cardiogram,alright?"
"Yes sir,so to become an Avenger,are there like trials or something like that?"
"Don't do anything I would do."
Peter nodded his head.
"And don't do anything I wouldn't do."
Peter was slightly confused by that bit.
"There's a little grey area in there and that's where you operate."
"But does that mean I'm an Avenger?"
"No."
There was a knock on the window,as the two looked and saw it was Happy holding the case with Peter's suit in it.
"This it?"Happy asked.
"Yeah,seventh floor."
"I'm not taking it up there."
"Hap just take it up there."
"It's cool I can take it."Peter said.
"You'll take it?"Happy asked.
"Yeah."
Happy just dropped it on the ground and got back in the car.
"Hey,so when's the next "retreat"?"Peter asked.
"The next mission?"Tony asked.
"Yeah."
"We'll call you."
"Do you have my number?"
"No,I have your Aunts number."
Peter was about to say something,but stopped as Tony leaned forward,He went to hug Tony,but Tony stopped him.
"It's not a hug,I'm just getting the door for you,we're not there yet."
"Oh ok."
"Get out there and do us proud Spider-man."
After Peter had gotten out of the car,Tony and Happy drove off.
"They'll call me."Peter said excitedly.
TWO MONTHS LATER…AND STILL NO CALL.
Peter had waited for two months for Happy or even Mister Stark to call him and tell him when the next mission was,but it seemed like there was no sign of a call in sight.
He was currently on his way to school at Midtown high using the train,as his Aunt May worked on the other side of town and nowhere near his school,they were also having to deal with the fact that he and his Aunt had to move to a new apartment,due to them getting evicted from their old one,but on the bright side,he was now neighbors with one of his friends.
He wanted more than anything to help his Aunt pay the bills,but she always told him the same thing,not to worry about money problems, just kid problems,like school,girls,or zits.
Oh if she only knew what he was doing on a daily basis.
Speaking of which,he decided to text Happy for what seemed to be the 150th time in just two months,pretty much saying the same thing…
'Hey Happy,just checking to see when the next meeting is,this is Peter by the way...Parker.'and then a bunch of emojis.
(Que opening:Time to pretend by:MGMT)
The train eventually stopped and Peter got off,he began to make his way over to the school,having to walk through the football field,and even had to move out of the way of some players were messing around.
He made his way up to the road crossing,but had to run over as a car drove by.
"What's up Puny Parker?!"The driver said.
"Hey Flash."Peter said with a wave,he then made his way into the school.
"Rise and shine students of Midtown high."A student named Betty Brant said on a tv monitor.
"Students,don't forget about your Homecoming tickets."Another student named Jason said.
"Do you have a date for homecoming?"
"Thanks Jason,but I already have a date."
"I wasn't asking you Betty."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
As Peter made his way through the halls,he had to duck his head as a drone flew past him,and was caught by the principle.
"You two,in my office now."He said.
Peter walked up to his locker,only to see it was blocked by a jock and a cheerleader making out.
"Everytime."Peter sighed.
"Hey uh Rand,Sally can you guys uh.."
The two lovers in question turned and were now on someone else's locker.
"Fantastic."
Peter opened his locker and placed his book bag and jacket in it,as he grabbed a few books for the first period.
"Join me and together."A voice said behind Peter.
"We'll build my new LEGO death star."
Peter turned around surprised by this,as he saw his friend Ned holding a Lego Emperor.
"No way how many pieces?"Peter asked, all excited.
"So lame."A cheerleader said.
"3,803."
"That's awesome."
"I know,so I thought I could come by and we can build it tonight."
"Sorry man,wish I could but I've got the.."
"Stark internship,yeah I know,but do you always have to go work at the Stark Internship?"
"Well you know,hopefully it will lead to a real job and I can finally help May pay the bills."
"That would be so sweet,yo Peter,good job on those spreadsheets here's a gold coin."
Peter just looked at Ned with a weird look.
"I have no idea how jobs work."
"That's exactly how they work."Peter said.
"Oh cool."
"Hey,tell you what,why don't you go ahead and bring the set over and as soon as I'm done with the internship,I'll help you finish up."
"Think you'll be able to do it?"
"Yeah,two hours max I'll be there."
"Cool,and you think we should invite MJ."
"She's not really the Lego set type."
"Oh yeah,well I'm sure she won't mind if we…."
But as Ned continued to talk,Peter saw one of his female classmates walking by and he was suddenly lost in thought,till Ned brought him back to reality.
"Earth to Peter,you there bro?"Ned asked.
"Huh?"Went Peter.
"Dude,you were looking at Liz Allen again in a creepy way."
"Oh crap did she see me?"
"Yeah,in fact she's already called the cops because of it."
Peter looked at Ned with wide eyes,but then realized he was just kidding.
"That's not funny."Peter said.
"Well I'm sure a horny boy stearing at a girl for an uncomfortable amount of time isn't very funny either."A girl's voice said from behind.
Peter and Ned looked behind them and saw a girl about their age walking up to them.
"Oh,hey MJ."Peter said.
RIIIIING!
"And that's the first bell,let's go lover boy."MJ said,as she pushed Peter to their class,with Ned not too far behind.
Later in Peter's first class,the teacher was giving a problem for the students to solve,as Peter was watching a video on YouTube,where he was stopping a car from hitting a bus,he then swung away.
The video had an unnatural amount of dislikes.
"Peter."He suddenly heard the teacher call his name.
"Are you still with us?"
"Oh sorry,yes mam."He said,as he closed his laptop.
"Well do you care to answer the question?"
Peter looked at the problem on the board.
"Mass cancels out,so it's just gravity times sine."
"Right,see Flash being faster does not make you right."
Flash then turned to Peter and said..
"You're dead."
Peter gave Flash a sheepish smile,he turned and looked at the clock and saw that it was twenty minutes to 12.
Next chemistry,as the teacher talked about someone name Boris,and making a stupid joke in the process,Peter was working on web fluid for his web shooters,as he mixed some chemicals together making them look like webs in the process.
Peter quickly closed the drawer it was in and looked at the clock again,seeing it was now twenty minutes to 1.
It was now lunch time,as Peter,Ned,and MJ sat together,Ned and Peter were watching Liz and her friends put up a Homecoming sign.
"Did Liz get a new top?"Peter asked.
"No she's always had that."Ned said.
"But never with that skirt."
"Hmm,we should probably stop staring before it gets creepy."
"Yeah."
"Too late."MJ said,not looking up from her lunch.
"You guys are losers."
"And yet you're sitting with us."Ned said.
"Because you two are the only ones I can tolerate in this stupid place."
"Don't try and fool us MJ."Peter said.
"We both know you love us."
MJ looked at Peter,then looked down.
"Yeah maybe."
Peter and Ned then looked at each other.
"I'm gonna get another OJ,anyone want one?"Peter asked.
"No,but I will take another pie."Ned said.
"Ned we talked about this."
"Yes,and I sought out a second opinion."
"Whose?"
Ned stopped for a few seconds,before sheepishly saying
"Mine."
Peter just snickered.
"MJ,you want anything?"
"Nah I'm good."
"Ok,be right back."
After Peter walked away,Ned looked at MJ.
"Are you gonna stare at me all day or are you gonna say something?"She said.
"You haven't asked him to the dance yet have you?"
"Ned I'm not having this conversation."
"Come on MJ,we all know how you feel about him,the whole school knows."
MJ just gave him a look.
"Ok only I know,but still,if you don't ask him,he might ask someone else."
"Or,he'll be at the Stark Internship,where he's been for the past two months.
"Besides,if he asks anyone it'll be Liz."
"You don't know that."
"Believe me I do."
Later at the study class for the decathlon that was coming up.
Ned,MJ,Liz,Flash,and several other students were answering questions for the decathlon,unfortunately,Peter was also a part of it,but was never in it,as he had the "Stark Internship.
"What is the heaviest naturally occurring element?"Liz asked.
One student rang the bell on his and Ned's table.
"Hydrogen is the lightest."He said,then realized something.
"That's not the question,yeah."
"Uranium."Another student said at the opposite table.
"That is correct,thank you Abraham."Liz said.
"Please open your books to page 10."
As Flash was on his phone,he looked up for a brief second and saw Peter walking in.
"Hey puny Parker."He said.
"Come to delight us with your presence?"
"Only you Flash."Peter said.
"Go screw yourself Parker."
"Flash stop it,Peter are you here to join us finally?"Liz asked.
"Actually no,sorry Liz,I was gonna try,but I'm running late for the Stark Internship,so I gotta go before Mister Stark tears me a new one."
"And I've gotta go cause I've gotta date with Black widow."Flash said.
"That is false."Abraham said,as he rang the bell.
"Abraham,what did we say about playing with the bell?"Liz asked.
"Sorry."
"But seriously Peter,you've been slacking in this decathlon,you're gonna be on stage for the whole thing,and you've yet to be around for a single study."
"He's also flunking robotics and he's missed marching band practice."MJ said,causing everyone to look at her,and Peter to give her a look.
"Who do you think keeps up with his schedule?"
"Really MJ?"Peter said.
MJ just shrugged her shoulders.
"Look Liz,I'm sorry,I want to be here,but I gotta go or I won't hear the end of it."
"Can you at least answer one question?"Liz asked.
Peter looked at Liz,then to the others,then at his watch.
"Yeah,sure, lay it on me."He said.
"Ok,What does it mean when a turbine is called "Full admission"?"
Peter stood there for a few minutes,as he closed his eyes and thought about the question,he then opened his eyes.
"The working fluid enters at all points around the parameter of the rotor."He replied.
"Yes."Liz said,everyone then clapped,as MJ had a small smirk on her face.
"Yay, one whole question,he's the next Einstein."Flash said annoyed.
"Oh no wait,Tony Stark."
"Ok,seriously though guys I gotta go,Liz I promise I'll be here next time I swear."
Peter then ran out of the classroom.
"Yeah,you said that last time."Liz said.
"Ok,let's continue."
After grabbing his stuff,Peter ran out of the school and after making sure no one was around,he jumped over the fence and made his way over to the local deli he frequents.
"Hey man what's up."Peter says to a guy sitting outside the store,as he made his way inside.
"Hey Mister Delmar."Peter said,as he grabbed some gummy worms.
"Hey Mister Parker."Mister Delmar said.
"Number 5 right?"
"Yeah,and with pickles and could you smoosh it down flat please?
Thank you."
"How's your Aunt?"
"Yeah,she's good,she's good."
Delmar then turned to his employees and started speaking italian.
'His Aunt is a very sexy italian woman.'He said.
Peter simply smiled,and said in italian.
'How's your daughter?'
Delmar's smile then faltered.
"$10."He said.
"It says $5."
"For that comment $10."
"Hey come on,I'm joking I'm joking,come on Mister Delmar you know I'm good for it."
"Yeah,it's too bad I had to fire you Pete,you're a good kid,but you were always late."
"Yeah I know,thank you Mister Delmar."
"Hey one more comment about my daughter in italian,and I'll never serve you again."
"You're the best!"
"That's a good kid."
After Peter had finished his sandwich,he headed off for an alleyway and began to take off his clothes and shoes,he then took the suit out of his bag and then placed his stuff into the bag,he then put on the suit,which was a little baggy,after he webbed his bag to a trash can,he pressed the spider symbol on his chest and the suit became tight.
"Finally."He said.
"Hello Peter."A voice said in his suit.
"WHOA,who the hell is this?"
"My name is Karen,I am the training wheels protocol Mister Stark installed into your suit,to help make sure you don't and I quote "Screw up like the romans"."
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Neither does giving a high tech suit to an immature child,but here we are."
"Well that's not nice."
"I wasn't programmed to be nice,I was programmed to keep you safe,now are you gonna go be a friendly neighborhood Spider-man,or are you gonna just stand there like some stupid male strip.."
"Ok Ok Let's go."
(UNTIL NEXT TIME,THIS IS THE AGENT OF LITERATURE SIGNING OFF,COURAGE,GODSPEED,AND JESUS LOVES YOU.)