Synopsis: AU. If this is love, I'm willing to go anywhere with you.
Author's Notes: Random. Dark. Cliche. Depressing. Mention of abuse. OOC. I think this is something that most of us don't want to read but I'm the devil incarnate and this has been stuck in my head for far too long. This also wasn't edited or re-read. After speed typing everything, here it is! Fresh from the oven!
Cover Art from DeviantArt by Moon Cyclist.
My only excuse is that I felt betrayed by my friend and there were too many EXO videos popping in my timeline.
Proceed with caution.
Standard disclaimers are applied.
3rd of October, X801
It's a rainy afternoon.
There's no one here but me.
I don't have a cat to take care of;
Or a book I'm fond of;
Or a novel I need to work on;
Or even a person –
"Damn it." I cursed.
Natsu's brother said this was supposed to work.
– That I wouldn't be able to think about anything… or anyone.
I slumped down on the bed and stared at the black ceiling of this undeserved suite.
"I got nothing."
And I should be okay about it. I've been fine even after the whole retirement thing.
I'm 28 and loaded and still have a lot going on.
But why do I feel so empty?
My train of useless thoughts halted when I felt the buzz of my dusty phone on my bedside table.
"Hel –"
"Yo, Ice prick! FINALLY!"
Natsu?
"He answered? Oh, for the love of Fiore, I thought we had to break in his apartment or something. Ah! Haru, don't chew Happy's tail!"
"Good luck doing that; he hasn't given us the address since last year's disbandment. I tried every method I could use just to squeeze the info from Jellal."
"Did it work?"
"Do you think I'd be here on my own if it did?"
"Don't sass me up, sister. I've got 'nough of that from shorty at home."
"Your shorty's right here, Gajeel. Thank you very much."
"Pfft –"
"Oh."
The awkward silence soon followed after my unwanted interruption; I guess they've realized they were actually in the process of reaching out. I was about to suck up the emotional train when I heard rustling from the other side.
"So… uh."
"Nice to hear from you too, Natsu." I heard the soft click of his tongue from the address. I can't blame him for feeling off about it since I always addressed him with series of insults. That was, until a few years ago.
"Man, look. I'm really sorry."
I suddenly felt hit.
That's not gonna cut it!
The merry laughs and exchanges from the other line suddenly stopped. That was when I realized that I had violently yelled my thoughts.
"I know. I've been sorry all this time. I under–"
"You will never understand."
"Gray. Let the man explain himself."
"Well, hi to you too, Erza. And no, thank you. I'm struggling quite well."
"Oi, you piece of shit. I think a year is enough of your emotional drama. Don't you go –"
"Don't YOU or ANY of YOU go do ANYTHING. I AM FINE. What part of cutting off do you not understand? I get it, okay? All of you are sorry. There. Done. But me accepting your apologies won't cut it. It won't. She won't come back. And when I thought it was for the best, you all do stupid shit behind my back!"
"Gray! Words!"
"Do not even get me started, please, Levy. Let it go. I get it if the guys would force their morals and shits on me but, please, you and Lucy and Erza and the others stay out of this."
I didn't know whether the heat was from my phone or myself, but I didn't want to hear anything. I took a deep breath and ended the messed-up conversation.
They wouldn't understand.
This line kept being repeated over and over my head for the past year.
For years my friends and I have been talents for the Fairy Tail Ent.
FVRIES; we were once called. All those years of hard work, constant training and sacrifices, familial misunderstandings, and anti's flames, we were able to surpass all that. We lived our dreams.
Today, we'd be out of town for a concert; the next minute, it'd either be a guesting or a photoshoot. Our actions might have been monitored, but we never felt trapped; we had our fair share of haters, but that didn't stop the rise of our era.
Well.
Until last year.
The agency wasn't against dating. Our leader was seeing an NBI agent, the rapper was engaged to a university professor, and the main vocals was expecting with his novelist wife.
And I had my girlfriend…
who I was supposed to propose to…
who I was supposed to expect with.
Juvia.
A drop of red landed and spread at the shirt I'd long forgotten to take off. I didn't notice I was biting my lip until it bruised.
I knew the consequences of becoming a public figure. At the back of my mind, I knew that we had to be there for the people – and that our affections aren't our own. I knew what we had to sacrifice, and our partners knew of this, too. We all knew that.
And I thought I knew better.
Just a day before my well-prepared proposal, the news that my sculptor for a brother, Lyon, was sent to the hospital for multiple stabs shook the whole of Earthland.
A supposed stalker of his wife, Meredy of the duo Crime Sorciere, had been tailing him for a long time, waiting for the precise moment.
I rushed off, of course, after sending a quick voice message to my girlfriend about the situation. Juvia arrived after a while, her face etched with worry.
"I'll make it up to you, I promise," I remember telling her as I kissed the butterfly clip that I gave her that she always wore. She merely hugged me back, her sentiments muffled by her cries.
My thoughts were on my brother and the safety of his wife and our sister, Ultear. Hence, I failed to notice the scars my girlfriend kept hidden.
They say things happen for a reason, but I just couldn't fathom why it had to happen. I was confident in my ability to protect her.
"Juvia! Look! We won another award!" I had an image to protect, yes. Hence, I could only express my genuine joy and winning moments in private, and it's always her who gets to see this. She'd always run off and tackle me by the door.
"Um… Gray, I want to –"
"Hm? I'm sorry for being late tonight. I decided to renew my contract with the guys for another seven years. I debated on it; a part of me still wants to do it, but also because I want to spoil you rotten, so don't you think I should still keep going?" I asked, flashing my canines as I hugged her back.
"Oh…"
"Something wrong?"
She blinked a few times, a habit I knew she does when she's hiding her feelings… but I failed to read so that time.
Why didn't I notice that there was something wrong with her back then?
Why didn't I notice that she wanted to say something?
That… that was the last time she'd mesmerize me with her antics?
Days after that, just after our group's mini celebration at our favorite bar, I understood and noticed it all.
"I suspect corporate harassment, Mr. Fullbuster." the investigator said.
My girlfriend was in the ICU… because of me.
"With Ms. Lockser's background in various martial arts, it would not have been a problem to evade the suspected beatings. But, given that she was expecting –"
What was left with my composure crumbled further after that last revelation. She had been constantly harassed after being found out of her relationship with me.
"She will have to undergo D&C immediately. As it seems that Ms. Lockser has you as her emergency contact, we will have to ask you to sign the following."
I didn't know how the hell my body moved to sign those documents or how I lasted the night waiting outside the operating room.
My suffering pales in comparison to hers.
I didn't know.
It was my fault.
I failed her.
For the past few days, my world revolved around taking care of her. It was only on the third day, when the guys visited and expressed their prayers, did she started speaking to me.
"I… I wanted you to quit."
I could have handled it if she started cursing at me for not noticing, not being there, for failing her. But instead, she –
"I immediately regretted thinking about it, Gray. I'm sorry. I'm horrible."
Why? Why would you say that? You're the victim here. Why are you blaming yourself?
"I didn't want to ruin you."
No. No. I ruined you. Please don't say that.
But I couldn't hear my voice, nor could I see her grief-stricken self. I couldn't. I didn't dare to face her.
I was too ashamed even to apologize.
"Get… get some rest first. I'll be back."
But I didn't. I wanted to get back at those bastards. I need more money. And connections. What I was thankful for back then, I felt insufficient now. It's not enough.
Days passed with the same train of thought.
I need more.
I need to keep going.
I need to –
"I… I'm thinking of retiring. With what happened I… I think it's getting too much." Natsu said during one of our breaks. It was soon followed by Gajeel and Jellal's sentiments and support for Natsu's decision.
I couldn't understand. If Natsu's retiring, why did they convince me to renew? Was it because of Juvia?
Was it because they didn't want anything to happen to theirs, so they decided to back out now?
"Then what about me?" I snarled. "You knew I wanted to stop after that last award. You knew I wanted to settle down. But what did all of you say?"
"Gray, the situation's different now and –"
"Oh, so you don't want the same thing to happen to Lucy and your child?"
"Hey, that's going too far."
"Shut up, Gajeel. You couldn't even be there when Juvia was calling for you."
"And were you?" Jellal's words stung and dug up my guilt.
"Right. Even I wasn't there. But I could've avoided all this shit if you didn't convince me. And now that this happened to Juvia, you lot toss your words outta the window. Some shit ass reasons you have."
Those were my last words before leaving the company.
I wanted to focus on Juvia; and how to get back at the company that did all of this to her. I wanted to take care of her, to hold her, to whisper everything's going to be fine; everything will work out.
But I couldn't. I felt too ashamed. I wanted redemption. I can't see her like this, not when I have not done her right. So, I left. I asked my mother and father to take care of her on my behalf.
The past month was nothing but gathering intel and tracking down the people involved. If the court can't rule them out guilty for the incident, there were a lot of other ways to bring them down.
But before I could reach the point I could never go back to, the news of the criminal's company's downfall spread like wildfire. Apparently, Erza and Mirajane have been busy themselves.
But fate has its twisted ways to toy with you.
"I'm sorry, Gray. She just…"
"Mom. Tell me. Tell me what happened? Dad, where is she? You promised to take care of her."
"Kid, we – I."
On my immediate return, Juvia – whom I expected to recover at my parents' place, left.
And just like that, a year has passed. I cut off my connection with people. Even my family felt like they were walking on thin ice whenever they had the courage to visit.
Zeref, who had shown himself one day in front of the rundown apartment I hid, took the reigns of whatever was considered life for me. Along with his girlfriend, they let me stay at one of their units, promising that no one would ever know. In exchange, they asked me to cooperate in healing my mental state.
I was a mess. I know. I lived most of my days blaming myself for the tragedy that befell the person I swore to love and protect. I lived my life hating and blaming people even when everything was my fault.
The soft knock of the unit's door echoed in the empty halls. Room service, I thought. But I couldn't get up, not after recalling everything.
But the knock didn't stop. It was soft and… oddly familiar. Then again, room services were always careful of me, and I was too tired to think of which of them was assigned today. They had the keys anyway; why weren't they entering?
"Um…hello?"
Please go away. I grumbled as I scrunched myself on the floor.
"G-gray?"
.
.
.
.
.
Who?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"H-hey! What happened?! What was that noise? Are you okay?"
I couldn't breathe. It has to be a mistake. But I won't mistake her voice for anyone else's. What was she doing there?
No. No. Stop. This is too much. I must be hallucinating now. I guess the Dragneel couple would have new findings on me.
"Gray… can you, can you open up the door?"
Shit. She really was outside. She was just a few steps away.
I should be happy she's here.
She's back.
But…
But is she really back for me?
No.
No.
I didn't know if I crawled my way to the door but there I was, huddled with my back leaning against it.
"What…what are you doing here?"
But there was no answer.
A scoff escaped my lips. Maybe I am going crazy.
"I wanted to… I wanted to see you."
Oh. I wanted to see you too. "Why?"
"Well, I –"
"After all I did, you still want to see me?"
"Gray I –"
"Why now?"
"…"
"Why are you suddenly back, Juvia? Why now?"
"…"
"You left me without saying a wo –"
"But you left me when I needed you the most!"
"Yeah. Yeah, I did. That's why I get the message. You left me because of my sin. Because of what I did to you."
"No… I told you, I don't –"
"They'd be a year old now, right?"
"…"
"Yeah. Baby would have been a year old now; either crying cause they're hungry or playing with Natsu's kid."
"Gray…"
"You won't blame me. I know. That's always been you. You'd go and handle all the shit by yourself without relying on me."
"No! Please…please listen to me."
"Maybe because I'm just that unreliable. It's alright, Juvia. It was a miracle hearing your voice after what I did to you. This should be enough for me."
"Then tell me you're done with me."
"…"
"Tell me you don't want to see me again."
"…"
"Tell me you don't lo–"
"You know pretty damn well what I'd say!"
"Then, please… please, Gray. Tell me."
What was this test? What was with this cruel fate now?
"Do you… do you want me to go?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Okay, I'm… I'm so –"
"Your actions… your movements… it always seemed to tell me to follow after you."
"…"
"When your sad eyes looked at me, as you told your story…"
"…"
"It was that night that… the wind blew you right into my heart."
"…"
"My mind keeps wandering and thinking of you."
"…"
"I'm… I'm completely captivated by you."
"…"
"I'm mesmerized, I forget to breathe, I knew what I felt for you, and damn I'm willing to go anywhere with you."
"…"
"When I'm with you, I… I'm not scared of anything."
"…"
"Be it a second or eternity I… I know where I want to be."
"…"
"S…so?"
"So please don't go."
I heard her soft gasp through the door.
"Take me anywhere with you, and we'll walk together forever."
"I…"
"And even if the world's gonna end, I'll be right by your side. So, please don't leave. When the morning comes, please don't just disappear. Please tell me that you'll always be right here. God, if this is reality, Juvia, please, don't…don't go."
I sinned. I wronged her. I wronged everybody, but ultimately her. I was wrong. I don't deserve her after what happened but… but I'm a greedy person. I want her. I want her so badly I don't want to go a day without seeing her, hugging her, kissing her. I –
I felt the soft click of the door's lock, my head snapping at the light that invaded my cold, cold room.
"I… I helped myself because I couldn't hear what you were saying." She started.
Lies. I thought as I stared at her. Her hair grew longer; she looked much healthier and livelier than before, but…
"You're still wearing it…"
I saw her touch the butterfly clip before looking back at me. She crouched down.
"Say it again…please?"
Her midnight blue eyes stared right back into mine.
"Gr –"
I hugged her.
Tight.
If she had finished saying my name, I wouldn't know what else I'd do.
"I love you, Juvia. I love you. I always do. Please… please don't go."
I didn't know who was shaking between the two of us, but I didn't let go. I won't let go.
"Don't go..."
"Ok..."
Lyrics for Gray's confession was inspired by Elise's acoustic cover of EXO's Don't Go. Thanks for reaching this far. I hope to hear from you!
I am not that much aware of fans harassing idols but and such; if my depiction and reality are too far-fetched, I do apologize! My only excuse is that this is how it works for this fictional work of mine!
-nakneknik