Disclaimer: I do not own Homeland, or any of its characters or plots. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners.
It was dark and she could not see clearly in the dim lights. Carrie was wandering through narrow streets and people kept staring at her. She could barely make out the features of the bystanders but she was certain she was gathering all the attention in those narrow and incredibly busy alleys. "Wait a minute, wait a fucking minute," she thought, "I know this, it's Islamabad. What the fuck am I doing here again?" she asked herself while she rushed her pace trying to avoid bumping into the people that were now crowding the city she knew so well, where she had promised to never come back.
To her relief as the streets got wider she could spot the American Embassy behind a thick security wall. "Well, maybe I'm still in time to stop this," she reassured herself when she noticed that the Embassy looked untouched. She was relieved to see that there was no Taliban flag hanging over the facade. She was certain that if it was being attacked, the soldiers and guards in the perimeter had no knowledge of what was going on inside. She had to hurry up, time was of the essence to abort the attack.
"Maybe I'll still be able to save Farah and the others, I only have to warn the American soldiers and, of course, Quinn." That is if she was able to find him. She remembered then that he had been more mysterious than ever lately. Her gut was telling her that he might be spending time with Astrid, the BND agent assigned to the German Embassy, especifically sleeping with her, and Carrie felt a wave of jealousy wash over her. "Well, I can't blame him, I haven't been specially receptive to his obvious affection for me. And I can't blame her either, she's clearly in love with him. Wait a minute! Since when do I know he likes me in that way and why haven't done anything about it?" The sudden realization of her own feelings for him hit her and she stopped on her tracks, taking a few seconds to let it sink. But her practical side soon took over and, knowing what was about to happen, she wished he actually was at Astrid's place instead of inside the compound that was now right in front of her.
"Madam, you have to get back," a young American soldier, a Marine, approached her raising his gunned right hand when she resumed pacing towards the main gate.
"It's okay, I'm Carrie Mathison, CIA Station Chief. You must be new...' she quickly explained while she tried to show him the identification card that was hanging from her neck. Or, al least, it should be there.
"I repeat, Madam, step back. Put your hands on the air," the young Marine insisted, trying to keep a safe distance from her. She was obviously American but after a ten month tour spent entirely at the Embassy he had never seen her before, and everyone approaching the Embassy without CIA clearance was a suspect until proven otherwise. Even more if she was claiming to be station chief when she was not.
Carrie was now nervously tagging her shirt with her right hand looking for her identification, while she raised her left hand. Apparently this new guard did not know who she was. She made a quick mental note to review the security schedule for the Embassy with Quinn once this would be over.
"I'm Station Chief, you have to let me in..." she stated, wondering where she could have misplaced her ID. That card and its cord had become part of her anatomy and even her identity during since she had been recruited for the Agency, working stateside and overseas, and of course lately in both Kabul and Islamabad, and it was really strange not to have it now.
"Madam, not gonna say it again, get back. We can"t let anyone in without the express authorization of Station Chief Adal," he said stressing the words Station Chief. If this lady thought she could fool him pretending to be S.C., she was totally wrong. He might be young, but he was damned good at following orders.
Carrie vigorously shook her head. "No, he's fucking special Ops, no Station Chief." She had worked her ass off to earn that position after many years in the CIA and now Dar Adal was coming to take it from her? "Typical Dar, always manipulating when lives were at stake, some things don't change..."
"Madam, I know you're American and all, but I"m gonna shoot you if you get any closer," the now visibly stressed soldier repeated, wondering why it had to be precisely an American citizen the one to be giving him hell when his so far quiet eight hour shift was about to end.
"No, you don't fucking understand. The Embassy's being attacked by the Talibans, and a lot of people are gonna die if you don't follow my fucking orders and step aside..."
By then five other soldiers were blocking her way to the main gate, also pointing guns at her.
Trying to quickly assess the situation, Carrie raised her gaze and what she saw made her freeze on spot. By a wide window on the second floor of the building, she could see Farah and Max with their hands tied to their backs, along with other staff members of the Embassy and CIA agents.
"Look up there," she shouted pointing at the window, causing all the guards to move towards her. Much to her dismay, none of them looked up. Instead, one of them, who seemed to be the one in charge and whose face and body built was curiously very similar to Saul's, approached her.
"Madam, you all right? You took your pills today?" he kindly asked, smiling, as if he were talking to a child.
"They're gonna kill them, don't you fucking see that? " Carrie yelled again, and when she fixed her eyes on the window once more she clearly witnessed how Haqqani himself cruelly stabbed Farah. No matter how far Carrie was from the building, she could see Farah's face wince and contort in pain and horror as her body felt on the ground by the window. Once again, Carrie had not been able to save Farah and all the other fellow Americans, and she screamed in hurt and frustration.
The scream somehow transported her to a totally different reality. It seemed she had traveled in time and space, as Carrie found herself to be in bed, wearing an old college t-shirt, all her body covered in thick sweat. During some seconds while her head was still reeling and her heart was strongly pounding, she could not figure out where she was. The dream had been so real that she was astonished to find her in bed and a man beside her.
Carrie carefully shifted and had never been so relieved in her life when she saw Quinn's placid expression while he slept. She then remembered that having quit the Agency over two years back she was now married to Quinn and they lived with Franny in a house they had both bought in DC. Not only that, she also remembered that they had succeeded at having a happy civilian life together. In fact, they were in love and trying to give Franny a sibling.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to try and erase the vivid images from her nightmare. When she was just back from her assignment in Islamabad she would have this kind of bad dream at least once every two or three nights, but fortunately they started spacing out as she was able to exit the Agency and built a normal life with Franny and Quinn, until they finally completely stopped.
She had not had a nightmare like that for over a year now, and she was sure she had to thank Saul for this new one. His call, visit and messages had stirred up her memories and brought up the worst experience in Carrie's life. She had worked hard to bury it under thick layers of guilt and remorse, and she had painfully learnt to live with it. But all his talking about Haqqani and a new attack, on American soil no less, had undoubtedly triggered old memories and thus the nightmares seemed to be back.
"Great," she sighed. Too excited to try and get back to sleep, and too worried that all those dark images could come back the second she fell back into slumber, she quietly got up from the bed, grabbed her cell from the night table and sat on the recliner by the window. Since they had bought the house that spot had become one of her favorites, as she usually sat there to read in the sunlight before picking up Franny from school. Now it was all dark but for the light displaying in the screen of her phone, and she started looking for information about Haqqani. She knew most of it would be classified, and for the first time in over two years she wished she still had access to the CIA data bases. With no security clearance anymore, she had not gotten very far when a low voice came from the bed.
"You okay?" Quinn asked her, trying to keep a low tone in order not to wake Franny.
"Yeah, sorry I woke you up..." Carrie whispered back. She had been a fool to think Quinn would not notice her leaving the bed. "Maybe he heard me scream as well..." she suddenly realised. As much as she was used to share everything with him now, she was not sure to be willing to tell him about her bad dream, because that would mean reliving it again and that was the last thing she needed.
"Nah, it's okay. Whatcha doing?" he inquired. He had heard her suddenly wake up and leave the bed, and he had feared the nightmares could be back after the events of the day.
"Nothing," she shrugged in the dark. "Couldn't sleep and thought I'd read for a while..."
"In the dark?" he muttered.
"Sorry to be the one breaking the news to you, but cell phones do light up when you use them..." Carrie joked.
"Thanks for the input, I would've never guessed..." he retorted, happy to see that at least she was in a banter mood. Maybe the dream had not been too bad.
"Anytime..." she replied.
"I was supposed to show you how wild I can be, but I must've fallen asleep before you came to bed. Wanna come over now and I'll show you?" he cockily asked, in an effort to divert her attention from her phone. If he knew her well, and he was certain he did know her well, he would dare say better that anyone, she would be reading about Haqqani right now. There was not a chance she would be immune to what she had learnt during the day.
"You're so full of yourself..." she snorted, silently thank him for momentaneously taking Islamabad and Haqqani out of her system.
"Don't try and deny that's one of the things you like most about me..." he carried on, feeling that if the nightmares were back she could use a break right now.
"Which one? You being wild or you being so full of yourself, because I don"t see much of the former..." she joked again, now fully enjoying their banter.
"Come over here and I'll show you..." he insisted.
"Okay". Sensing that nothing good could come out from looking for information about the Talibans with no security clearance at 2 a.m., she got up from the recliner and lay on the bed.
Quinn turned and protectively placed his left arm over her waist, spooning with her.
"Was it bad?" he whispered in her ear.
"Uh?" Carrie was certainly not expecting that question.
"Nightmare, how bad was it?" he elaborated.
Carrie sighed. He had noticed indeed. "Very..."
"The usual?" he muttered.
"Yeah, wasn't able to stop the attack and saw Farah die..." she explained, her bottom lip quivering in the dark.
"I'm so sorry," he mumbled in an attempt to comfort her. "I guess Saul brought back all that shit..."
"Yeah, nothing new there," she agreed. She had not been fond of her former mentor and boss since she had discovered he had been closely working with Dar Adal on a deal with the Talibans and he had kept it from everybody at the CIA, including her.
She then remembered a detail that had never been in her prior nightmares. "But there was something new this time, thought..." She turned on her side and faced him in the dark of the bedroom. "You were nowhere to be found as I tried to stop the attack, and then I realised you'd be in Astrid's place, and..." she trailed off, her bottom lip quivering again as she mentioned her husband's former lover's name.
As he heard her words, he raised his arm and caressed her cheek. "Hey, Carrie, that"s all in the past, I'm here now..."
She rested her hand on his. "I know," she said leaning in for a soft kiss, that soon turned into a deep and hungry one.
When Carrie reached under the hem of his t-shirt, he grabbed her wrist and stopped her. "You sure? If you're tired we don't have to..." he offered.
"I thought you wanted to show me how wild you are. Maybe it's all talking..." she playfully whispered in his ear.
"Really? Let me show you..." he mumbled back, wishing he and his actions could wash away the memories they both had regarding their time in the Agency. Especially their time in Islamabad. Little did he know by then that no matter how hard he tried to protect Carrie and keep both of them out of CIA reach they would be reliving all that soon enough.