Chapter 26:

"Kaiba..."

Adrenaline shot through Kaiba faster than he could even register. In an instant, he bolted upright, pushing the blonde away as he sat up and looked down at his hands. His hands that were so bloody before were now clear, free of any sign of injury. No wounds, no scarring. One of the times where the physical damage wasn't permanent. He looked them over twice, just to be sure his eyes weren't deceiving him, but as he did, it registered that he was in a well-lit room. He wasn't in his study. He wasn't sitting at his desk. He was on the sofa...in the living room. He was back in the present. He wasn't a scared little kid anymore.

And that's when he remembered he needed to breathe.

He coughed out the air that was trapped in his throat before inhaling a large breath, causing him to shiver all over as the oxygen flooded his system. He felt the air come out in short gasps. He wanted to put his hand on his chest but still didn't trust that there wasn't some sort of damage. Instead, he closed his eyes and leaned forward, placing his hands just above his knees. In, and out. In and out. He would focus on the breathing. He would overcome this, just as he always did.

"Hey, Kaiba?"

Kaiba's eyes shot open, and he felt his throat constrict once more. He hesitated before, almost mechanically, looking to his left. There, sitting on the floor, leaning against the edge of the sofa, was none other than Jounouchi.

Jounouchi looked terrified, his eyes wide, his fingers playing with the edge of the cushion. His gaze wandered from Kaiba's face to his hands, then back to his face. When Jou leaned forward and began to reach out, however, Kaiba instinctively pulled back. Jou's startled expression immediately filled him with regret, and in a rough voice that he barely registered as his own did Kaiba say, "It's not you. Just...please…"

"Oh… Okay."

"It's not… It's not you," Kaiba repeated, leaning his right shoulder against the back of the sofa. He groaned as a wave of nausea washed over him, and he brought his knees up ever so slightly, his hands still resting near them. Keeping his eyes open, he swallowed but made sure he kept his gaze trained on Jou, hoping his expression conveyed his sincerity. It seemed to, for Jou slowly smiled, a light yet sad smile crossing his lips. Between gasps, Kaiba managed to say, "It's not you. It's just… I need… I need a minute…"

Jou nodded but continued sitting on the floor. Leaning further back, Kaiba cautiously looked down at his hands. He held them up and inspected his palms before examining the backs. They were clear. He was fine.

He let his hands fall to his lap and collapsed against the back of the sofa. Finally closing his eyes, he began to focus on breathing again, only stopping to mutter, "I hate this…"

"What is 'this'?"

Kaiba grimaced at the question. Though Jou had been staying overnight more frequently, Kaiba had yet to have one of his nightmares since the dates started. Logically, he should have known this would eventually happen. It was a risk that had crossed his mind more than once, but Jounouchi had a way of unraveling Kaiba's concerns, making him feel comfortable in his own home in a way that he never had before. In truth, it was a topic that the CEO had simultaneously avoided and forgotten about. The few instances he considered speaking up were drowned out by Jounouchi's kindness or kisses, and the remaining time, he was too busy to even think about it.

Jou doesn't know about any of this, about the scars, the abuse, the trauma… Anytime we've slept together, I've worn my pajamas. I've never let him see me in the shower. If we do anything sexual, I either wear my shirt or lie down forcefully on my back. I...haven't let things progress...because of this...

Now, he realized he had made a mistake. He should have told Jou when he was coherent, when he was at his strongest, when they had the time to go slow. This was the price to pay for his complacency. Sitting on his couch and shivering, he opened his eyes and glanced once more at Jounouchi, who himself still looked nervous and flustered. Kaiba, at his weakest point, now had his hand forced.

He could just not tell Jou. The thought slipped through his mind. He could just say it was a bad dream and move on. He could keep it vague, keep it under wraps… But no. What purpose would that serve? This would continue happening, meaning Kaiba would just be putting off the inevitable. So why put it off? It wasn't like Kaiba was afraid… No, it wasn't fear. There was no way. It was trust, wasn't it? Kaiba didn't trust others. But did he trust Jounouchi with such information? Should he really tell him? Was now even the appropriate time to do it? And if not, when was?

He took a long, silent moment to stare into those amber eyes. He recalled the morning of his nightmare at the beach, the secrets shared in the pool hall late at night, the first date night spent with the promise of more to come. Jou had opened up to Kaiba about his sexuality and home life, risking everything in the process, while keeping the CEO's secrets hidden from the world.

Could he do the same?

Kaiba swallowed, then slowly answered, "This is…something that happens. Occasionally."

Jou blinked in surprise.

"Usually about once a month. Sometimes a few more times, sometimes a few less. But it has yet to stop."

"What is…"

"Nightmares." The word slipped through Kaiba's lips, and he hated the look of pity Jounouchi suddenly shot his way. He glimpsed down at his hands instead. "Nightmares from when the original owner of this mansion was alive. From...my time under Gozaburo."

"Oh…" A moment of silence passed before Jou whispered, "Is there… What did he do? Somethin' to your hands? You keep lookin' at 'em like you expect them to vanish or somethin'."

"He thrashed them." Kaiba's voice was harsh and low. He could mentally envision the cuts from his dream on his hands, the blood soaking into his nails. "When I gave wrong answers in my studies, his favorite tool was a switch. He would...strike my hands. Repeatedly." Kaiba flinched slightly as another wave of nausea rolled over him. "Most of the time, it just bruised. But when he was...intoxicated… It would leave a mess. A mess I would have to clean up. It wasn't the worst of the offenses, but it's one of them that sticks out, that I still remember."

"Holy shit."

"I don't need your pity!" Kaiba spat. He swiftly turned only to huff out a breath of air when he saw Jou's confused expression. "I… Forget it. I don't tell you this because I want you to pity me or feel bad for me. But...if we're going to be together…"

He watched as Jou stood and, with a determined expression, gazed down at Kaiba. He then held out his hand. Kaiba took it and stood, swaying ever so slightly but grounding himself. Then, to his surprise, he felt Jou wrap his arms around him. Kaiba instinctively returned the hug, pulling the blonde in tight and setting his chin against the blonde's shoulder. "I ain't pitying you," Jou explained. "I just know what it's like having a shitbag drunk of a dad. It's, well, fucking shitty. I'm just here for ya, okay?"

Rather than answering with words, Kaiba nuzzled his face into the blonde's shoulder, tightening his grip ever so slightly. They stood still like this, the only sound being their breathing, for both too long and not long enough. Kaiba could feel the tension inching its way out of his system, but his heart still beat rapidly in his chest. He felt so pathetic, so absolutely pathetic, but the warmth from the blonde kept him glued to Jou. That warmth just wouldn't let him break away.

Until he felt Jou's hands rising up his back.

He shivered as something in him snapped. Before he knew what he was doing, he pushed the blonde out at arm's length and took his hand in his own. "Follow me." Leading Jou out of the living room, he all but dragged the confused blonde up the stairs, down the various hallways, and into his bedroom. He slammed the door shut.

"K-Kaiba, what are ya-"

Like a crazed man, Kaiba began unbuttoning his shirt, nearly ripping two of the buttons off in desperation. No, he wasn't afraid. Kaiba was never afraid. He wasn't going to let this, this foolishness control him. With a final tug, he pulled his shirt off and threw it to the side. He then returned his attention to Jou, who was blushing but standing and looking stunned.

"This is why I wore the rash guards at the beach."

Before he could reconsider his actions, Kaiba turned his back to Jou.

The sharp inhale that came from Jou's lips was followed only by heavy silence. Kaiba stood still, his own breaths coming out in short gasps. He listened, nerves on edge, as Jou's footsteps indicated he was approaching the CEO. But it was only a few steps, not close enough to actually reach out and touch Kaiba.

"Wha… But… How did… How the fuck did nobody notice this?"

It wasn't the question Kaiba had anticipated, and he quickly turned to face Jou. Jou's expression was a mixture of shock and disgust, but Kaiba knew that those emotions weren't directed at him. "People did," Kaiba corrected. "And those people were subsequently fired and removed from the city. Some of them were forced out of the prefecture. But this…" He wrapped his arm around and used his pointer finger to indicate one of the higher scars on his back. "This was his last assault on me. His other attacks, including the thrashings on my hands, never left scars. Just messes that I would need to clean up. This one...well, it clearly did. So he had to stop and resort to mental abuse instead."

"What the fuck happened?" Kaiba could feel his breaths coming and going at a faster rate. His heart beat rapidly in his chest as the memory of that day washed over him, the mirror, the shouting, the feeling of glass tearing into his flesh. But before the memory could swallow him, Jounouchi lunged forward and placed his hands on Kaiba's arms. "Forget it." The command was shockingly hard, bringing Kaiba back to reality. "That's not important right now." The grasp on his arms relaxed, and a small smile crossed Jou's lips. "I got the perfect idea. Just hang tight for a minute."

And before Kaiba could question it, Jou rushed to the adjacent bathroom and slammed the door shut.

So Kaiba had been afraid that morning. I wasn't imagining it. Jou plunged into the counter spaces, looking for what he needed, as he reflected on Kaiba's expression, that look of sheer terror that was across his face when he woke up. That morning at the beach… He had had a nightmare. Freaked the fuck out, came out to get some water, and I caught him in the middle. Dude's now freakin' out again. Jou scrounged furiously about, knocking over objects without a then grinned widely as he caught sight of his goal, grabbing two bottles before rushing to the massive jacuzzi-style tub and turning the hot water on. But damn, he actually told me what was goin' on. I didn't think he would. He sat on the couch, just quiet, staring out into space. I thought he broke down. I thought...

Jou shook his head. Whatever this was that Kaiba was going through, he hated seeing it. He had to do something. He just hoped he could get this ready in time before Kaiba bolted.

Seconds passed like hours as the tub slowly, so very, very slowly, began to fill with water. Opening the strawberry bubble bath mixture, he dumped three large dollups in the water before running his hand through, mixing the soap with the hot water. Taking a step back, he swiftly took his shirt, pants, and socks off, leaving him in his underwear. A'ight, Kaiba, please be out there.

He spun around and opened the door. At first, he thought that Kaiba had indeed left, as the spot in front of the door was devoid of the CEO. But as he scanned the room, he saw Kaiba sitting on the edge of the bed. He was leaning forward as if in pain, head in his hands and his back fully visible. Jounouchi bit his lip at the sight. I just thought he wore his shirts all the time 'cuz he was shy or somethin'. But… Yeah, I wouldn't wanna show that off, either.

He recalled the words he exchanged with Mokuba along the shoreline weeks ago. How the younger Kaiba couldn't begin to guess at the real damage caused to his brother, how Kaiba had had his relationships sabotaged all around him, how he worked himself until he physically couldn't any longer in order to protect those around him. Now, staring at that scarred back, Jou realized how much ground he had to truly make up to the CEO. All the words, threats, and arguments from the previous years just washed away in a single instant.

He had to show Kaiba he was there for him. That the CEO wasn't alone anymore.

Steeling himself as the sound of the hot water reached his ears, reminding him that the tub was indeed filling up, he stepped forward. He thought about placing his hand on Kaiba's shoulder, where the tips of one of the scars was visible, then thought better of it. Instead, he leaned down until Kaiba noticed his face below. Kaiba blinked and looked up. "Come on," Jou whispered. "Let's go."

"What are you doing?" asked Kaiba, even as he allowed the blonde to grab his hand and lead him to the bathroom. Jou glanced over his shoulder and mentally cursed when he saw just how many bubbles were forming in the bath.

"Ooops. Well, too late now." Turning back to Kaiba, he smiled widely and pressed a kiss against his cheek. "We're taking a bath. You and me."

"A bath?"

"Yeah, ya know. The thing ya use your tub for."

Kaiba glared slightly. "I know what a bath is."

"Right, well, we're taking one."

"Why?"

"Because…" Jou moved once again to put his hands on the brunette's shoulders, then jerked away. He couldn't have Kaiba running. Kaiba's eyes were dilated, and while he was clearly trying to remain calm, his posture and appearance reminded Jou too much of the morning at the beach when Kaiba was on autopilot and avoiding him. The brunette was in some sort of mode that Jou didn't quite know what to do with, but he couldn't have Kaiba leave. Unsure of what to say, Jou raised his arms to hold Kaiba's face in his hands. The sensation seemed to bring Kaiba back to reality, as his gaze shifted to focus solely on the blonde. "Because you're tense, and I don't like seein' ya like this, and we never had a bath together, and a bath is always helpful to relax, and, well, I figured-"

Realizing how long he had left the water on, Jou turned and lunged forward, shutting the water off before he could flood the bathroom. The bubbles were almost childishly elevated. Shimmying out of his boxers, he stepped into the hot water and sat down before turning back to face Kaiba. The CEO stood still, watching as if detached, before he carefully undid his own pants and boxers. Jou watched, happy beyond belief that Kaiba hadn't turned and walked away. He scooted to the side and patiently waited for Kaiba to step into the bathtub with him, taking a seat next to Jou.

Jou tried not to blush at all the bubbles and remarked, "You would have a big enough bathtub for like four people." Kaiba scoffed, though for a split second, it looked like that small smile had threatened to appear. Both their backs were against the wall, with the bubbles softening the coldness. Jou looked at Kaiba's shoulder, then back to his face. "So...what do you normally do? After you wake up?"

"Check for damage that isn't there. I check for my wounds...it's just a natural reaction." As he spoke, his eyelids closed, and Jou could swear he sunk just slightly into the hot water, taking a more relaxed pose. "Then I get up, get a glass of water. I walk through it, the memory, in my mind, reminding myself that it happened years ago. Then I…" Shaking his head, Kaiba whispered, "Then I don't sleep. I stay up, usually finding a book to read or a game to play. Something to distract me."

"Does Mokuba know about them? The nightmares, I mean. I gotta assume he don't know 'bout the scars."

"That...is correct. He doesn't know about my back. He doesn't know about any of the violence. But he knows I have occasional insomnia."

"But not why ya got it?"

"...No."

"So that's why ya didn't want him to know about what happened at the beach."

"Correct."

While Jou's gut reaction was to scold Kaiba, he reminded himself that he, too, had hidden a significant amount of neglect from the Yuugi-tachi all throughout high school. Not really fair callin' 'im out on shit like that. "How long did the...physical stuff last?"

"Roughly the first year. After that, he was forced to calm down. A little."

Jou raised his arm and slowly wrapped it around the CEO's shoulders. He could feel the flinch underneath, but Kaiba didn't fight back. Instead, he leaned slightly to the left, letting his head dangle just above Jou's shoulder. Jou thought about what to say, then realized maybe Kaiba needed the silence as much as the comfort. Settling back into the bubbles, Jou inhaled the scent of strawberries and smiled. They sat like that for several minutes, Jou playing with the bubbles and letting Kaiba have his moments of peace. Kaiba, for his part, snuggled ever so gently against Jou, seeming to appreciate the quiet.

And then Kaiba said the most random statement.

"I apologize for ruining our chess plans."

Jou blinked in surprise. Looking over at Kaiba, he waited for the CEO to return the gaze. "Kaiba," he said in as normal a voice as he could. "A, no apologies. Ya got shit goin' on, and ya had a hard day. No apologies."

"But I-"

"And B. Fuck that chess game. I mean, why ya gotta have so many pieces on the board doin' all sorts of different stuff? How does that game even make sense?"

And there it was. Cracking through the fear, the tension, and the blue eyes that were returning to their former, natural glory, that arrogant smirk started to form across Kaiba's lips. "So you looked up the rules of the game?"

"I looked up a wiki." Jou smiled back, watching intently as the tension finally seemed to begin releasing its hold on Kaiba's expression. "But yeah, fuck that game. Either you're teachin' me, or I ain't playing."

Kaiba leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. "Don't worry, I can teach you. You're looking at a former grand champion, after all."

Jou heard the words, but they didn't register. Kaiba began describing each of the pieces on the board, the set-up of the game, and the methods of winning. Jou figured they must have sat for over 30 minutes in the tub as he listened half-heartedly to Kaiba rambling off jargon without a second thought. He knew, in hindsight, Kaiba would be mad at having to repeat all the information. But all Jou could do was watch in a mixture of awe and sheer happiness as Kaiba returned to his usual self, the effects of the nightmare gradually disappearing. And all Jou could see was that small smile, that smile that barely constituted a smile on anyone else, that smile he was falling so hard and so fast for, now across Kaiba's lips.