Chapter 17 - The Separation

Edward

Never in the eight decades I have roamed this earth had I suspected that walking away from someone would be the most difficult task I would ever face.

The past twenty-four hours have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me, from thrilling highs to gut-twisting lows. The high began late last night. As I stood guard outside of Bella's house, her sleep talking was a welcome distraction from the never-ending rain shower soaking through my clothes. Her mumbled words were both nonsensical and hilariously entertaining. However, the silliness gave way to seriousness in the hours to come. My name fell from her lips with an interesting increase in regularity.

"Edward, spin me."

I smiled. She and I were together in that dream world, dancing just as we had in my room the afternoon before.

"I love you," she whispered.

There was no lightning strike to explain the jolt of electricity which struck me. My back collided against a pine tree and I slid down its trunk until I hit the ground. I stared with a mixture of shock and awe at the house in front of myself. Inside of it lay a sleeping girl whose words had the power to render a deadly, immortal creature completely dumb.

Bella loved me.

Me.

I couldn't find it within myself to move until her alarm clock rang. The sound of her little feet walking across the floor finally woke me from my stupor. School would be starting in less than an hour. I took off towards home, a million new thoughts flying along with me as I ran.

Bella had feelings for me...if her sleep talking could be taken at face value.

So the question was, what would I do about it?

I raced upstairs to my bedroom. By the time I pulled out of my muddy clothes, my mind had been made up. Though, I wasn't sure of the details yet. Many questions continued to plague my conscience.

Was it even possible for a vampire to safely court a human? And, how would I hide what I am from her? No girl in her right mind would want to associate with a bloodsucking monster.

And, how would I protect her from that darker side of me? Or from the Volturi?

None of those questions had an easy answer. The only thing I knew for certain was that I wanted to be selfish for once. I would go after what - or shall I say, who - I wanted.

And I wanted Bella more than anything...if she'd have me.

My drive to school was done in high spirits. This was a startling turnaround. I had only recently denounced Forks High as "a hellhole". In fact, Hell sounded preferable. Surely demons weren't as annoying as some of the people in my homeroom class. But, I reasoned, perhaps I had been too hard on the place. The girl with angel eyes had transformed that dull hellhole into paradise.

I took up position in the crowded hallway of the school and waited for Bella to arrive. I picked up on her scent long before I saw her for myself. As always, her floral sweetness stung my throat. I welcomed the feeling. If a little pain was the only price I had to pay to be near her, I would gladly take on that debt.

Bella rounded the corner and met my steady gaze. A faint look of surprise washed over her face. I couldn't stop watching her, even after she darted her eyes nervously away. I grew bolder once we entered our first class of the day. Her hand lay there on top of her desk. I had to touch the satin smoothness of her skin. As my fingers moved up the length of her arm, a warm sensation passed from her to me and spread until it found the block of ice laying dormant in my chest. My cold heart melted after suffering through the long, lonely winter which had once been my life. I almost expected it to resume beating after all those years of inactivity.

In that moment, I did not care if anyone saw the way I touched her, or the way I stared as though she were the only person in the room. Let them see, I thought to myself. Let them all see that the girl they've ignored and mocked mercilessly is the only person here who matters to me.

But no one saw what had happened... except for Bella. Her reaction did not disappoint. Pink lips parted open like a cherry blossom at springtime. She sat there stunned, her eyes round and questioning. They seemed to ask, "Why did you do that?"

"Because I love you too," my eyes answered in return.

The school bell rang and interrupted our silent exchange. Almost immediately afterwards, Bella whipped her body around to face the front of the classroom. It was frustrating not knowing if she understood me or not. While our teacher began roll call, I devised a plan. Bella and I would return to my house after school. There, in plain English, I would tell her how I feel. The thought greatly improved my mood. The boy sitting to my right was confused (and concerned) by the polite smile I gave him. He worried I was having a manic episode. He took precaution by moving his desk away a few more inches.

English class was halfway complete when I picked up on a familiar voice calling my name in their head. It should be familiar by now. I've been acquainted with it for several decades.

"Oh, Edward. We have a problem," Esme thought.

Her Cadillac was rapidly approaching the school. As she drove, she filled me in on what had happened. Since we try to check on the more rural areas of the Olympic Peninsula periodically, Esme decided to look in on Elwha, a small hamlet east of Forks. But as she took a shortcut through the Olympic National Park, she picked up on a scent.

Decaying, human flesh.

After a bit of searching, the source was located. A body was floating facedown in a remote stream. Esme did a 180 and ran to a payphone to notify Carlisle. While he worked on finding someone to cover his shift at the hospital, her job became bailing me out of school. The three of us would need to investigate what she had found.

As Mr. Brown droned on about the conflict taking place in Julius Caesar, I gathered my belongings stealthily and composed a short note to Bella. It wasn't much, but I knew I couldn't in good conscience leave campus without giving her some sort of explanation. I wrote that it was a small family matter which forced me to leave early. And, unfortunately, that "family matter" Esme had found would likely take up the entire day. Bringing Bella to my house and confessing my feelings would have to be postponed.

Not long after the note was written, Esme rushed into the front office with a tissue fisted in her hand. The Cullen family had an emergency, she informed the school secretary. My grandmother had been sent to the hospital in Seattle. The cause? Severe food poisoning from a batch of contaminated spinach dip served at a knitting circle. Esme whimpered and wailed about how her "poor mother" supposedly looked as green as the spinach she had eaten and was now knocking on death's door. The secretary had no choice but to let me go free after that performance. It was truly Oscar worthy.

I slipped Bella's note into her locker and left Forks High behind. Esme and I drove a few miles out of town and ditched our vehicles on an old logging road. Carlisle pulled up in his car within moments of our arrival and the three of us took off on foot with Esme leading. We covered well over two dozen miles before we came upon the scene. The body she had found was naked and wedged between two boulders in the middle of the crystal-clear stream. Carlisle gently turned the body over and began speculating on a cause of death. The face which stared back at us was bloated and unrecognizable.

In spite of the body's poor condition, I knew the person's name.

"It's Daryl Niven," I announced.

Carlisle glanced up from the puncture wound on the man's neck. "How do you know?"

"I recognize his scent. It's weaker now, but it's the same as the one I found in Daryl Niven's cabin the day after he disappeared." The townspeople believed a grizzly bear had carted him off into the wilderness. The three resident vampires of Forks knew better.

"Well... that's good news. At least this isn't a new death," said Esme.

I looked at her skeptically. "I'm not sure if your optimism is appropriate under the circumstances."

"But it's true, dear. We haven't had a death or disappearance in the area for almost a month. Maybe that horrible nomad finally got the message that we won't allow him to terrorize the Olympic Peninsula and he gave up."

"Or, James is merely biding his time and waiting for us to let our guard down before striking again." I raked a hand through my hair and looked to Carlisle. "What do you think?"

"I think...we should be careful. I passed through this area only two weeks ago and didn't see or smell anything unusual. In my opinion, Daryl's body was not here at that time."

I balled my hands into tight fists. That meant Daryl had been deliberately placed in the stream for us to find. "James," I growled to myself.

"Not necessarily," Carlisle cautioned. "There could be another explanation. I noticed the body shows signs of once being frozen."

Esme's head tilts in confusion. "How is that possible?"

Carlisle nodded towards the nearby mountains. "I believe James originally took Daryl's body up there above the snow line and left him there. But, it's warmer now than it was a month ago. The melting snow and all this rain we've been getting lately has caused a lot of flooding. The body may have floated downstream on its own."

"If that's the case, any guesses on how long he's been here?" I asked.

"Oh...if I had to guess, I'd say a few days. A week at most."

Our conversation lapsed into a temporary silence. Then, Esme let out a sharp gasp. "You don't think James uses this part of the national park as a dumping ground, do you?"

Carlisle frowns. "I hadn't thought of that before. Any body left out here would likely be disposed of quickly by the wildlife. There wouldn't be a need to hide it. That might be a significant draw for a vampire like James."

With that thought in mind, the three of us split up to canvass the area. Hours of searching went by, yet we found nothing to indicate any other bodies had been dumped within a ten mile radius. Likewise, James' scent was nowhere to be found. We regrouped afterwards to discuss what to do about Daryl Niven. Leaving him there would be heartless. Esme volunteered to give the police an anonymous tip from a pay phone. Since the pouring rain was supposed to slack off within the next twenty-four hours, she would wait to call them then and claim to have stumbled across the man's remains while on a hike. It was the best we could do for him without arousing suspicion.

It was late afternoon when we finally went our separate ways. My first and only instinct was to check on Bella. I arrived at her home and heard a single heartbeat thumping away in the kitchen. Bella was home alone...but not for long.

"Isabella!" her father shouted as he entered the house.

I had never heard Chief Swan raise his voice to Bella before. He was normally quiet, civil, and distant. I scanned his mind but it's always been difficult to decipher. Only his daughter's mind is a bigger challenge to read. I could find no reason why he would be angry with Bella - until a fairly clear scene unfolded within his thoughts.

The Chief had been on patrol when he bumped into the custodian from the high school - the same man who had seen Bella slipping into my car the afternoon before. Their conversation was brief and cordial. The custodian spoke of "your daughter's boyfriend" as though he sincerely believed the Chief already knew about us and approved. The Chief held his tongue and never indicated there was a problem. He chose to hold in his anger and unleash it once he arrived home.

And I stood outside and heard it all.

In the beginning, the Chief had complete control. He chastised Bella for getting inside of a car with a teenager. She barely uttered a word in her defense. Then the Chief criticized me and said I was nothing but trouble. That's when a fire sparked in Bella's eyes.

And it was beautiful.

I was floored by her transformation. She went up against her father and repeatedly showed him the fault in his logic. Whenever the Chief tried to defend his reasonings, she easily thought up a rebuttal. I wasn't surprised. At a battle of wits, she would always win. Bella Swan is probably the smartest human I have ever come across.

But their argument soon took a turn for the worst. Her father banned Bella from seeing "that Cullen boy". Her response shocked both the Chief and me.

Bella announced she would move out.

As she rushed to pack her bag, her father begged her to stay and work things out. She refused. I saw the fear and worry steadily mount within Chief Swan's mind. During his many years on the police force, he had seen what could happen to a teenager who runs away from home before they are ready. He pictured his daughter renting a rundown room while drug deals took place right outside her motel door. He imagined Bella dropping out of school to support herself. She would work long, hard hours for minimum wage at a dead end job. It wasn't the easy life he had hoped for his daughter.

It wasn't what I wanted for Bella either.

I took a step back and reevaluated the situation.

The Chief had said I was trouble. He wasn't wrong. Look what I had caused. My presence had created a greater rift between father and daughter than ever before. Like it or not, Chief Charles Swan was all the family Bella had left. They had problems, like most families do. But, those problems could be corrected possibly if both parties were willing. Chief Swan had a tendency to shield his daughter from anything remotely dangerous. Bella had trouble voicing her opposition to her father's strict rules. Today, she overcame that obstacle and told him exactly what she thought. I was proud of her.

However, I had wanted her to stand up for herself - not run away from home and throw her life away before she's even eighteen.

But really...what did I expect? When a vampire falls in love with his singer, chaos will undoubtedly reign supreme. I had deluded myself into thinking a relationship between the two of us could work out. Of course it wouldn't. Because, a relationship built upon lies will always be doomed to fail. And, frankly, I lie all of the time. Every single day. Humans look at me and assume I am one of them, and I play my part to pacify their suspicions. I pretend to eat their food. I pretend that I need to breathe. I lie about when and where I was born. My entire existence consists of nothing but lies. Vampire law states that I cannot reveal what I am to any human, even if that person happens to be my mate. That means I would be required to lie to Bella for the rest of her days.

And she doesn't deserve to be stuck with a liar.

My rose-colored glasses fell from my eyes in that moment. I had placed my own need to be with Bella above her welfare. She should be able to graduate high school, go to college, and create a life for herself. She also deserves to be loved by someone whose throat won't burn from her scent.

And I certainly can't give her that.

So when Bella begins marching in the direction of that questionable motel across town, I know what I have to do.

I must let her go.

I tell her one last lie: My brother wants me to move back to Boston. Emmett is currently in France doing God only knows what with Rosalie. Jasper is off traveling around the globe with Alice. Neither one of them have set foot in Boston in months. But Bella accepts my story and never questions it. I believe she took the news well until I smell salt in the air.

Tears. I made her cry.

Here is yet another reason why I do not deserve her.

I move closer to her, the excuse being that I want to place the fallen hood of her jacket back on her head. In reality, all I want to do is touch her. Yes, it is a selfish wish but I am a selfish creature, I suppose. My palms skim across the apples of her cheeks, collecting her tears and drying her face. I silently pray they will be the last she ever sheds - because of me or anyone else.

I pick up Bella's duffel bag and lead her back home. She follows a step behind me and remains quiet during our walk. Our goodbye takes place much sooner than I would like, but I know dragging it out will only delay the inevitable. Before I turn to leave, I gaze at her once more. It will be the last time I will ever view her up close with my own eyes. With her face permanently imprinted in my mind, I force myself to walk back into the forest. I don't turn around. If I do and see those big brown eyes looking back into mine, I know my resolve in doing the right thing will crumble to dust.

It isn't until I am confident she can no longer see me do I risk checking on Bella. She stands where I left her, on the border separating the forest from the grassy lawn of her house. There's a lost expression on her face, as though she's unsure of what she should do next. Then an abrupt change sweeps over her. She corrects her drooping posture, walks to the front door of her house, and enters without knocking.

Charles Swan jumps up from his recliner and visibly relaxes at the sight of his daughter returning home. "Isa-" He snaps his mouth shut. "Bella," he corrects himself. "You came back."

She looks directly at him, her face lacking any expression. "Yeah. I did. After I left, I realized I was out of line. I shouldn't have disobeyed you, and I definitely shouldn't have talked to you that way. I'm sorry. I won't do it again. I'll take whatever punishment you think I deserve." Her voice sounds detached and unemotional, like a robot.

The Chief's forehead furrows in response, clearly puzzled. Then he slides a hand down his face. "Look... I'm not going to punish you. Why don't we go have dinner, and then we'll talk about what happened. How does that sound?"

She looks down at her clasped hands. "Do you mind if we talk later? I think I'd rather go up to my room and lie down for a while."

"Why? Are you sick?"

She half shrugs a shoulder. "I don't have much of an appetite."

"Oh. All right. If that's what you want to do..." Despite his words, his inner thoughts betray his concern. "We'll talk tomorrow then."

Bella nods her head and disappears upstairs. The house grows eerily quiet, like a tomb. Barely fifteen minutes ago, Bella was like Joan of Arc battling the English army. Now, that fire I love has been extinguished.

I fly off into the forest and leave her house behind. The thought of her alone and suffering in that bedroom is enough to drive me insane. I have to get away for a while.

But I'll be back.

I arrive on the Cullen estate, burst into the house, and race up to my room. My door slams shut behind me. I throw on some loud music in hopes of drowning out my thoughts. It doesn't help. I collapse on the leather couch and begin wallowing in my misery. A light tapping soon accompanies the drumbeat of the song playing on the stereo.

It's Esme knocking.

"Come in," I say in monotone.

The door opens. Esme takes one look at me and frowns. "You came running up here without even stopping by to say 'hello'."

"Sorry," I murmur.

She glides up closer to where I lay. "Is there something wrong? Did you have a bad day?"

"The worst."

She gives my shoulder an affectionate pat. "Aww. I'm sure you just had an off day. Things will get better for you soon."

"I beg to differ," I grumble under my breath. In a much louder voice, I ignore her optimism and make a request. "Would you do a small favor for me?"

"Of course. What will it be?"

"I need for you to pull me out of school tomorrow."

"All right. I'll say your grandmother food poisoned herself again." She places a finger on her chin as she thinks. "Err. On second thought, I should probably come up with something new. That secretary is bound to become suspicious if I bust you out with that same excuse. Even the most senile of grandmothers would never eat spoiled spinach dip two days in a row..."

I sigh in frustration. "No, Esme. I don't need you to 'bust me out' again. I need for you to pull me out of that school. Permanently."

"Permanently? Why?"

My eyebrows snap together like a rubber band. "I just can't do it anymore, OK? It was a bad idea for me to go to that school all by myself. I could have had an accident and harmed one of the humans. I should have stayed away. Far, far away."

She reexamines my face and notices the forlorn expression haunting my features. Anxiety creeps into her voice. "Edward? What's going on? You're not leaving us... are you?"

"No. I'm not."

She smiles in relief. "Good. I'm sure Bella would have been upset if you took off so soon after meeting her."

"I won't be seeing her anymore. She is going to live her own life without me. As far as I am concerned, I no longer exist in her world."

Esme's eyes widen to twice their ordinary size. "Edward! What did you just say?"

A scowl up at the ceiling. The horror apparent on her face is not helping my foul mood. I see that an explanation will be required on my part. I give her a brief summary of the argument I overheard at the Swan house and how I was the cause of it all.

"I had to let Bella go," I conclude after I've told her everything. "I removed myself from her life before I could cause more damage. I mean, it would never have worked out anyway. For heaven's sake, can't you see the danger I pose to her besides just ruining her life? I am a vampire. There will always be a part of me that will want her blood. Always. It's disgusting and reprehensible, but those are the cold, hard facts. And even if I were to find the strength to keep myself from hurting her physically, I would hurt her in other ways. I would hold her back from her future. She is young and full of life. I am an old man in a teenager's body. I should have died a long time ago. What could I possibly offer her?"

"Your love!"

"Love won't give her a happy, normal life, Esme. I could never hope to give her 'normal'. I can't even give her the truth! The best thing I could give is freedom from me, so that is exactly what I gave her." I take a breath and release it slowly in an attempt to calm down. "It's a good thing I stepped away before we started anything serious. Humans aren't blessed with our infallible memories. She will soon forget about whatever feelings she may have had for me and move on with her life." I won't, but that's neither here nor there.

"You can't just abandon her - especially not when there's a nomad on the loose. He'll kill her!"

I direct a glare at Esme. "I am not abandoning Bella," I snarl through my teeth. "I will not allow James to even breathe the same air as her. If she is ever in serious danger, I'll be right there and come to her aid. But, I'm fading into the background. I will protect her from the shadows. Neither she nor anyone else in Forks will ever know I'm still in town."

Esme lifts her hand to her forehead and massages her temples, as though she's warding off a headache. "Help me understand, dear. You're going to stay away from Bella to protect her...yet you're also staying close by in order to protect her. Is that right?"

"More or less."

She releases a weary sigh. "I think you're making a mistake. You're going to hurt yourself trying to be all noble. Why don't you think about this some more before you make your final decision?"

My frown grows deeper. "I almost destroyed Bella's relationship with her father and her future in a single afternoon. My decision was already made for me."

Esme shakes her head back and forth. Oh Edward, she thinks sadly. This is terribly disappointing. I was just now getting used to you being happy.

"Me too," I whisper in reply.

00000000000000000000

Almost two weeks drag by. The calendar switches from April to May. To the people of Forks, news of Edward Cullen's abrupt departure was almost as intriguing as the discovery of Daryl Niven's body in Olympic National Park. While his story ran on the front page of the newspaper, mine was passed around by word of mouth. Esme used her gardening club meeting to spread the news that I had been homesick and decided to live with a family member in Massachusetts. Her plausible explanation was quickly twisted into something much juicier by the gossips of Forks.

Edward was antisocial and a threat to his peers at the high school, they said behind Esme's back. His parents were forced to send him away to a facility which could treat his psychological problems. The poor thing...

I don't have time to be annoyed at the lies being spread about me. I am too focused on Bella to worry over something so trivial. My world revolves around her and her schedule. By day, I watch her through the minds of those lucky enough to sit by her at school. By night, I listen with rapt attention to her rhythmic breathing as she drifts off to sleep. I move like a phantom wherever she goes...which isn't difficult to do as long as she sticks close by to wooded areas. It's when she travels into the more populated sections of town that problems tend to surface. There's no trees to hide me from view when she's shopping at the grocery store, for instance. The threat of being exposed to sunlight is yet another difficulty I face. In the past, I could simply take refuge in my car and those problems would be minimized drastically. However, my Jaguar is too well-known in the area for me to travel around in undetected. It's currently parked in the garage and will stay there for the foreseeable future.

I come to one conclusion. I need another vehicle.

After Bella arrives safely at school for the day, I set off on foot for Port Angeles. I buy a copy of their newspaper at a downtown pharmacy and search the classifieds. There's a few used cars which catch my eye. A Mustang. A Camaro. A Corvette. They all sound like a great deal. Unfortunately for me, I cannot buy any of them. Another flashy muscle car would attract too much attention around here. The car I need should be nondescript, and painfully boring. It should also be the very last thing anyone in Forks would picture a member of the Cullen family driving.

And, at the bottom of the classified section, I find what I'm looking for.

With the car's title stuffed into my shirt pocket, I drive it home and park in front of the house. Carlisle, who has a day off from the hospital, stops mowing the lawn and stares as though he's found a weed that should be eradicated.

"What in the bloody hell is that?" He has temporarily reverted back to using his old accent and British terminology. I must have really taken him by surprise.

"It's my new car," I reply nonchalantly.

He cocks an eyebrow. "New?"

"Well... it's new to me."

A new car? Oh, let me see! Esme comes running out of the house. She stops on a dime and winces once she sees what's in our driveway. "Ugh! What is that?"

"A 1969 Station Wagon."

"OK," Carlisle drawls hesitantly. "And what are you doing with an old Station Wagon, Edward?"

"What do you think I'm going to do with it? I'm going to drive it."

Esme gasps. "But it's lime green...and it has that tacky wood paneling on the sides!" She squints as though the car is giving her physical pain. "Oh dear. Is that duct tape holding the seats together? And - my goodness!- the radio antenna is just a coat hanger!"

I roll my eyes at her excessive drama. "Please get to your point. I have things to do."

"You want to know my point? It's hideous! That car is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. It looks like a hearse and a clown car rolled into one! What if the neighbours see it? They'll think we're hillbillies who leave junk cars to rust away on the front lawn. I'll never be able to look them in the eye again!"

"Our nearest neighbor is well over a mile away. I believe you're safe from embarrassment at the moment."

She turns to Carlisle and points at me. "Will you please talk some sense into him? First Edward abandons his mate, and now he's dragging vehicles home which ought to have been turned into scrap metal years ago. He's clearly spiraling into depression, Carlisle. Do something!"

He shrugs and uses a helpless gesture. "I've tried talking to him several times, but he's determined to do what he thinks is best. I don't know what else to say."

Esme huffs and meets my gaze again. "Fine. If you insist on keeping that...that...thing on this property, please cover it up when not in use. I'm terrified the fumes it's putting off will stunt the growth of the violas in my flower bed."

I nod my head in agreement. To be perfectly honest, I'm no fan of this car either. The paint job looks identical to bread mold. I don't understand how that color was ever approved by the manufacturer. And the car itself is a pain to drive. It's long, unwieldy, and it's a gas guzzler. Yet, it's also perfect for my current needs. This car is such an eyesore, no one wants to give it even a second look. As long as I hide my face when I drive, the people of Forks will never guess it's me behind the wheel.

"Oh!" Esme breathes out. "And before you take off again, you should know there's several pieces of mail addressed to you in the foyer. They just came this morning."

"Thank you." I enter the house and sort through the mail resting on the foyer table. There's a couple of bills in my name but nothing urgent. Then I come across something unexpected. It's a postcard. The picture shows the skyline of Hong Kong at night. Curious, I flip the card over and read the back.

Dear Edward,

You are an idiot.

Love, Alice

P.S. Jasper says "hi".

The postcard crumbles into a ball in my hand. I toss it straight into the trash. I don't need Alice meddling in my affairs from six thousand miles away. She doesn't understand the circumstances. I know I made the right decision. Bella is better off in the long run without me weighing her down. If I were to go crawling back to her now, it will only make it that much harder to leave her again in the future. And make no mistake about it, that day would come eventually. Bella will continue to age while I'm trapped inside the body of a seventeen year old for all of eternity. Naturally, she would have many questions. And what would I say? The reason why I don't age, Bella, is because I am a disgusting, immortal vampire. No. I could never tell her the truth. The Volturi would punish us both if I revealed that secret to her. So, the only choice I have is to continue on with the decision I made almost two weeks ago.

I must stay out of Bella's life.

Scowling uncontrollably, I stalk back outside and ignore the worried looks Carlisle and Esme are exchanging between themselves. I slide behind the steering wheel and fire up the Station Wagon. The engine makes a noise like a fire cracker on the Fourth of July and shakes underneath the hood. The dashboard rattles in protest.

I hate this car. But, just like my rock-hard body, I'm stuck with them both... at least for the time being.

Before I cross into town, I pull a baseball cap over my head and pop the collar of my jacket. I check myself in the rearview mirror. It would be hard for anyone to recognize me now. I drive close to Forks High and park underneath a grove of trees. The time is approaching 11:30. That means it's fourth period Art for Bella. I scour through the hundreds of minds at the school until I find the Art teacher. She roams the classroom, commenting on the students' projects and offering advice when needed. The teacher acts as my surrogate eyes and ears. My hope is that she will visit Bella, thereby allowing me a decent view of her face. And the teacher does exactly that not long after I arrive. She pauses to examine the painting Bella has been working on for the past half hour.

It is a pair of eyes on a plain white background.

The teacher hums her approval. "You're doing a fine job. Those yellow-gold eyes are striking. They really capture your attention. What was your inspiration for using that particular color?"

Bella answers without looking away from the canvas. "I see that color in my dreams sometimes," she murmurs.

I suddenly have an overwhelming urge to run inside of that school, throw Bella on my back, and carry her off someplace where neither James nor the Volturi would ever find us.

Instead, I drive away in the car I loathe and head towards a destination across town. There's someone I've been putting off finding these past few days. Now is the perfect opportunity to remind myself that there is another person in Forks who might care for Bella. Why else would he ask her out? And, one day, Bella might grow to care for him in return.

I am going to track down the mysterious Todd, her date to the dance this Saturday.

All Bella mentioned to me about Todd was that he attends Forks Catholic School. I don't even know what he looks like. A part of me hopes I'll find a cross-eyed yokel with untreatable acne and a habit of forgetting to put on deodorant in the morning. However, I manage to brush aside that thought and chastise myself for thinking that way. Bella deserves someone she can be attracted to physically, a person she might actually like being around. I want her to move on and find happiness. I never will, though that's to be expected. A vampire can never truly move on from their mate. When she is ninety, surrounded by her husband and great-grandchildren, I'll still be standing in the shadows watching over her. Seeing her with someone else isn't an entirely pleasant prospect, I'll admit. But, it is what's best for her.

I pull the Station Wagon into a business's parking lot one block down the street from the Catholic school. I scan through mind after mind until I find someone staring down at a sheet of notebook paper. It reads "Todd Lightsey" at the very top. Since he is the only Todd I've found in this entire town, I assume this is the one I've been searching for. Using the perspectives of those around him, I study Bella's date for this Saturday night.

Light brown hair and eyes.

Tan complexion.

An open, boy-next-door type of face.

Medium-sized build with lean muscle. He either works out or is involved in some type of sports program.

So...he's not cross-eyed.

How disappointing.

And judging by the thoughts emanating from some of the girls sitting around him, Todd is looked on favorably by the opposite sex. For the next hour, I gather more information. He's popular among his peers, well-liked by his teachers, and also comes from a respected family.

Letting Bella go was the right thing for me to do. Todd is exactly what Bella needs. He can help persuade the young people of Forks that Bella is someone to admire, not belittle.

When evening sets in at the Swan residence, I stand in the darkness cast by the nearby woods and listen to the sounds of utensils scraping across dinner plates. Chief Swan stops eating and clears his throat. Bella lifts her eyes reluctantly from the table. "I heard some good news today," he reports. "Do you remember Gerald? He's my lieutenant deputy. Well, his wife gave birth at the hospital this morning. It's a girl."

"Hmm," Bella offers in reply.

"The baby's big too. Almost ten pounds."

"Wow." She doesn't sound the least bit excited.

The Chief glances between his daughter and his pork chop. He slices it into bite-sized pieces. "So...did you have a nice day?"

"Yes."

"How's school?"

"Fine."

"Anything happen?"

"No."

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

Chief Swan emits a tired sigh and resumes eating. After their argument from almost two weeks ago, he has tried to show more of an interest in Bella's life. He actually talks during dinner, something he rarely did before. He even asks her questions about her day. In response, she gives the simplest of answers and never elaborates. She has closed herself off and refuses to open up. For both their sakes, I hope the Chief doesn't give up on her. Perhaps if he keeps trying, they can pick up the pieces and build a decent father/daughter relationship.

The two of them eat for a while. The quiet spell breaks with one uttered word.

"Dad?"

This is the first time Bella has initiated a conversation with Chief Swan since the incident. He pauses mid-chew. Then he quickly swallows down his food. "Yes?"

Although her face is absent of expression, there's an aura of nervousness around her. She subtly fidgets in her chair. "I - um - wanted to see if you'd be OK by yourself this Saturday. After I get off at the library, I have to go to my Chemistry partner's house and work on a school project."

A Chemistry project on the same night as the dance? What a coincidence. She's lying to her father. It's nice to see some of that rebellious spirit from the other day is still there.

"Who's your Chemistry partner?" he wonders.

Bella's eyes dart around before she answers. "Uh... Heather."

I smile a little at her fib. Heather doesn't take Chemistry class. And, even if she did, Bella would be the very last person I would expect her to partner up with. Bella must have blurted out the very first name she could think of in that moment.

Chief Swan's eyebrows come together, as though he's trying to solve a Rubik's cube. "Heather? Hmm. Do you mean Heather Sawyer?"

"Yeah..."

He nods his head. "I remember her. You two have been friends a long time. It's been, what? Ten, eleven years?"

Try again, Chief. Heather hasn't been Bella's friend since elementary school. It's amazing how much the Chief doesn't know about his own daughter. At least he's making more of an effort to involve himself in her life now, I suppose.

Bella stirs the food on her plate and avoids his eye. "Yeah. It's been something like that."

"Well...good luck with your project." He spears a piece of asparagus with his fork. "I'm glad you're getting out of the house and spending time with Heather. Since Gerald's wife just had that baby, he's taking some time off. I'll be working his shift this Saturday night. I won't be home until morning." He takes a bite of his dinner and chews around his words. "I don't like it when you're here all by yourself. Are you planning to sleep over there at Heather's too?"

"N-no. I wasn't planning on it. I'll be back home by eleven."

"All right. Just make sure to lock up the house before you go to bed."

She quickly nods in agreement and goes back to listlessly playing with her food. After dinner is over, she climbs the stairs to her room. The lights switch off once the clock strikes ten. I stand outside and hear her murmuring in her sleep.

"Come...back," she whispers.

I am unsure who she is speaking to in her dream, though my instincts say that it's me. It takes a Herculean effort on my part to keep from doing what she asks. I'm forced to give myself a pep talk.

It's been only a little more than a week and a half since the start of our separation. It will get easier for her as time goes by. She will forget me soon and move on with her life.

This doesn't console me as much as I would like.

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On Saturday, the sun comes out from behind the clouds. The sky is a rich azure blue. The breeze is warm and gentle. It is a magnificent day outside, a rarity in Forks. However, I'm too busy staring morosely up at my bedroom ceiling to appreciate it. The party every teenager in the area has been anxiously awaiting will be held tonight, and I am dreading every second of it. My imagination goes wild with speculations on what might happen. I see Bella having a wonderful time with her date. She smiles at Todd. She dances with Todd. She laughs at Todd's jokes. He can do no wrong in her eyes.

I hate Todd.

I don't know him personally, but I hate him. I even hate his name. Todd sounds like a name you'd give to an immature frat boy, one who returns to college every year as a freshman.

My digital watch beeps, distracting me from my uncharitable thoughts. Bella will be getting off from the library soon. I need to get over there and escort her home - without her knowledge, of course. I'm about to leave when I happen to catch sight of myself in the long mirror by the door. There's bits of leaves in my hair and mud smeared all across my face. I suppose that's what happens when you sit outside of a girl's house day in and day out. You're bound to get a little dirty.

I hop into the shower and lean into the warm spray. The water streams down my face, chest, and back. Soon, my body is close to being human temperature.

Her temperature.

I shake my head at myself and pull out a pair of acid-washed jeans from my closet. The t-shirt I choose is black and nothing much to brag about, but at least it's clean. No doubt Esme will be proud that I'm no longer looking like a street urchin from a movie production of Oliver Twist. I shove my arms into my jean jacket and hide my face under a Mariners baseball cap. Now protected from the sun's rays, I drive to town and park the Station Wagon in close proximity to the library. Just after six o'clock, Bella comes walking out the door. I wait until she's a good distance down the road before turning the key in the ignition. The Station Wagon coughs out a plume of coal black exhaust. It looks and sounds like an asthmatic Puff the Magic Dragon.

I really hate this car.

Once the Station Wagon decides to get moving, I follow after Bella. There's a short path leading into the forest near her house. I've parked there before, and I use it today as well. The surrounding shrubbery hides the car perfectly. I take off running and arrive outside her house right as she's letting herself in. The front door closes and locks. I'm left wondering what will happen next.

Almost an hour later, the sun has sunk low in the sky. Ink-black darkness has begun setting in. Bella steps out of the house. I'm surprised to see that she's dressed in the same pants and shirt she was wearing earlier. The only addition to her wardrobe is a jacket. The hood is draped like a curtain over her head and conceals her face. In her hand is her book bag. It looks like she's going to school instead of a party. She bypasses her bicycle completely and heads towards the empty street. There's no Todd there to pick her up. I frown, wondering what she's up to now. It isn't until she turns left and keeps on going do I realize what she's doing.

She's planning to walk on foot and meet Todd someplace else.

If her date met her here, her father might hear about it from their neighbor. Although Chief Swan may have no problem with this boy she's planning to spend time with, he certainly wouldn't approve of the dance they're heading off to tonight. The Chief's bias against modern music has not yet lightened up.

I rush to my pitiful excuse of a car and creep after her. I'm hopeful Todd will appear at any moment to pick her up, but she continues walking down dark, lonely streets. I scowl at her distant figure. I can't believe she's out alone at this time of night. How could she be so blasé about her safety? No wandering around by yourself after dark, Bella - that was our deal! And, look. Now she's broken it.

I broke the deal first, I remind myself. I said I would bring the music for her to listen to in the meadow if she agreed to be more careful in her day to day life. She upheld her end of the bargain...until I left her high and dry. The deal is over because of ME. Now she must do what it takes to survive, which includes taking risks when necessary. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Frowning at myself, I drive slowly and stay far behind her. I continuously scan for trouble, both vampire and human. All I detect are innocent thoughts. No one has even noticed the girl out walking by herself. Bella doesn't stop until she reaches a gas station approximately half a mile away from her house. It's the sort of place where they keep their live bait and ready-made sandwiches for sale in the same cooler. Much to my disbelief, she disappears inside of their bathroom. I hate to think of what diseases lurk in there. Fifteen minutes later, the door swings open again.

Out steps a vision in soft purple.

Bella looks so lovely, my mind at first refuses to believe what I am seeing is real. Her jacket and its hood are both gone. Her face and head are exposed to the world. Each eyelash is coated lightly with mascara. The effect enhances her doe eyes and makes them leap out more than ever. Her lips are shiny, and her cheeks are coral pink. She's wearing makeup... just not a lot. The look suits her.

Her hair is different too. It has been pulled up into some sort of complicated side ponytail. Soft, bouncing curls brush against her long, elegant neck. And on that neck hangs something that causes my chest to ache.

She put on my mother's locket.

Her off the shoulder dress further enchants me. It's feminine and the ruffled skirt falls an inch or two above her knees. The style is innocent and simultaneously provocative. It hugs her waistline and proudly showcases her curvy figure. I would love to see how it looks when she dances. I can picture it now. I would spin her in place until the skirt of that lilac purple dress lifts slightly. Her legs would look longer and more desirable than ever.

I groan and knock my forehead into the steering wheel, again and again and again. Why must I keep torturing myself? Imagining that I am dancing with her is the very last thing I should think about.

I hate this car. And I hate Todd. But, I think I hate myself the most.

And speaking of Todd, here he comes now.

He's driving a pickup truck that's only a few years old. He's also fussing with his hair. After moving a few strands to the side of his face, he reevaluates his appearance. He smirks at his reflection and mentally compares himself to Harrison Ford. Harrison loses. Evidently, Todd likes what he sees in that rearview mirror. I don't. I'm surprised he isn't blowing kisses at himself.

Once he manages to rip his eyes away from his image, he spots Bella waiting for him behind the gas station. His brain fries. He stares dumbly at her, mouth hanging open wide enough for an insect to fly inside and build itself a home. I can sympathize with his reaction. Bella is so beautiful, she stunned me too - and this is coming from a supernatural creature with superior control of himself. A human male would have significantly more trouble recovering from such a sight.

After blinking several times in a row, Todd regains some of his senses and pulls up beside her. He rolls down his truck's window and rests his arm outside the cab. A smiles slides up his face. "Hey! Rad dress, Bella! You're lookin' pretty good tonight," he says. The guys are gonna shit bricks once they get a load of her!

I grumble at his choice of words. Pretty good? Is that all he could think to say to her? In my opinion, saying she looks "pretty good" is an insult. The plain and simple fact is that she is beyond beautiful. Though, I suppose it could have been worse. At least he didn't say she looked "bitchin'". That term has been commandeered as a compliment within the last couple of years. Personally, I despise it.

"Thanks," says Bella. Her eyes are sweeping around the landscape. She barely looks at Todd as he takes her book bag and tosses it into the truck. I'm guessing she's nervous of being seen. I don't blame her. Todd is wearing a white blazer over a pale blue t-shirt. Plus, slip-on shoes with no socks. He's doing a poor imitation of Don Johnson from Miami Vice. You're going to a dance, Todd, not a Halloween party.

I breathe out through my nose and berate myself. What a horrible thing to say about someone. I've never cared about clothes before. It's who a person is on the inside that counts - not what they wear on the outside. I am being petty. The reason why is painfully clear. I am envious of this boy. Undoubtedly, it will only get worse as the night goes on. Todd has everything I could possibly want. He's young, human, and, most importantly, he has Bella now.

So, as she walks around to the passenger side of Todd's truck, I engage in a debate between myself and the monster who lives inside of me. The monster isn't bloodthirsty tonight. Instead, he's green, and so jealous it hurts.

Follow them, he demands.

No, I will not. It's time for me to go. I need to leave Bella alone and stop spying on her. She deserves privacy while out on her date.

You can't go now. What about James?

She'll be fine. The boy will be with her.

He can't protect her from a vampire. She needs YOU.

I'll protect her from a distance. I'll circle around the dance - just out of range of being able to see what she is doing, but also close enough to thwart James if he tries anything.

Follow them.

No.

FOLLOW THEM.

I said NO!

While I'm arguing with myself, another person's thoughts and actions seep into my stream of consciousness. Todd is currently staring at Bella now that she's in his vehicle. His eyes wander down to her legs and remain there for longer than I like. The sitting position she's in has moved her dress up higher. Her legs look amazing. The skin looks creamy white and feather soft. I groan yet again. Seeing her like this through another's eyes is agony. The next thing I know, Todd drags me along with him to a fantasy world. A make-believe Bella's eyes become half-lidded. She smiles coyly at him and spreads her legs open in an inviting way. Todd readily accepts that invitation and dives straight under her dress.

Aw, yeah! he thinks. Look at those thighs. I can't wait to get a taste...

I squeeze the steering wheel tighter than I should. The top half breaks off in my hands.

Are you going to follow them NOW?

Yes, I growl at the monster.

I toss the broken part of the steering wheel over my shoulder. It lands on the back seat. I start the engine and maneuver the Station Wagon a couple of hundred feet behind Todd's truck. It isn't long before we leave Forks behind. The dance the teenagers put together is always held in some rural area, far from Chief's Swan's reach. I monitor their conversation as we drive. It consists primarily of Todd describing what position on the football team he plays for, how much he loves it, and how he can't wait to get signed. Bella smiles through his story, but her eyes are oddly flat. They aren't shining like stars the way they normally do when she is happy.

"You wanna listen to some tunes while we drive?" Todd asks.

Bella shrugs a shoulder. "If you want."

"Cool." Todd yanks out a cassette from underneath his seat. "I just got this a couple of weeks ago when I had to visit some relatives in Astoria. My cousin made it for me. Shh! Don't tell your old man."

She frowns a little. "I would never do that."

He chuckles. "I know. I was just jerking your chain. Seriously though...it must be hard living with the Chief. I bet you can't listen to music very often." Bella hums out a confirmation. He grins. "Well, you're gonna love this first song then. My cousin recommended this dude. Like, almost half the tape is from this one guy's album. He must be a new singer or something 'cause I never heard of 'em before. I gotta admit a couple of his songs are pretty awesome. The rest are kinda weird, but - hey - they aren't bad once you get used to them. You ready for a listen?"

"Sure."

Without further ado, Todd slides in the cassette.

Let's dance

Put on your red shoes and dance the blues

Let's dance

To the song they're playin' on the radio

My eyes do a hard roll in their sockets. That's no "new singer" playing through those speakers. That is none other than rock legend David Bowie. He was producing brilliant songs back when Todd was running around in diapers. As the cassette plays on, songs by a few other artists come on. Bruce Springsteen. Pat Benatar. Stevie Wonder. It's a decent selection. Yet Todd blabs of trivial things nonstop instead of allowing Bella to simply enjoy the music.

Roughly fifteen miles outside of Forks, Todd parks the truck near a small abandoned sawmill. A fleet of cars are already there. Loud music pours from the wooden structure while dozens of kids gyrate on the dance floor. The party is in full swing. I find a spot to hide the Station Wagon and move to a concealed location near the building. A huge boulder almost the size of that rust bucket I've been driving around becomes my only companion. I lean against it and watch the dance via the minds of those inside.

Meanwhile, Bella and Todd make their entrance and take a look around. The place doesn't look half bad. The concrete floor has been meticulously swept free of dirt. Electric string lights and colorful crepe paper garland weave through the rafters. A portable gasoline generator powers the sound system set up in the corner. I can tell that a lot of work was put into making tonight's dance possible.

And while the two of them glance around at the decorations, the three hundred or so people in attendance of the party stare at the girl who just appeared within their mist. Most of the thoughts and whispered conversations I hear are complimentary. Anyone with eyes can see Bella is the most beautiful girl in the room. But, since we are dealing with teenagers from Forks, naturally there are a few people here who continue to view Bella with extreme prejudice. Heather glares at her from across the room and says Bella shouldn't have been invited. A couple of her friends nod in agreement. The rest of the people in the group are too focused on Bella's natural beauty to bother listening to what Heather has to say.

A few chairs have been set up to give party goers a place to take a break. Todd and Bella move to this area and sit down. Bella hasn't said a word since her entrance to the party. Todd hasn't shut up once.

God, I hate him. If he keeps this up for much longer, I'll be tempted to save both myself and Bella's sanity by stapling his mouth closed. Though, perhaps I'm wrong in assuming Bella has a problem with that chatterbox. She might like talkative boys who smile at everyone and everything. Who am I to take away her date's ability to speak?

While he describes an "amusing" anecdote which happened to him during school the day before, his eyes sweep the room.

Where ARE they? he wonders impatiently.

His eyes stop on a small group of people near the punchbowl. It consists of three boys, all of whom are staring at Bella like she is a goddess among mortals.

Yeah, asswipes. I told you I would do it, Todd thinks to himself.

He turns to Bella. "Hey, you thirsty? How about I get us something to drink before we dance?" She nods her head but otherwise doesn't speak.

Todd leaves her and walks to the boys. He smiles like a victor inside of the Roman Colosseum. "S'up guys." His hand extends from his side. "Time to fork it up."

"Why? You just got here," says a boy wearing sunglasses.

"You guys didn't say how long we had to be together. The bet was I would bring the Chief's daughter to the dance. Well, there she is. So, where's my money?"

One of them grumbles a curse but all three boys slap money into Todd's hand. "I can't believe you actually did it," the boy with a pronounced cowlick says. "You got balls, man."

Todd cackles and counts the cash. "You guys are a bunch of pussies. I still don't see what the big deal is. That was the easiest fifty bucks I've ever made."

"Aren't you afraid she's gonna tell the Chief that you brought her here? He'd go apeshit if he ever found out about the dance."

The third boy pipes in. "Yeah. And then he would probably toss your ass into the slammer just for looking at his daughter." The other two boys nod in agreement.

"Nah. You guys are too paranoid, just like I said. From what I've seen, Bella doesn't want dear ol' daddy to know anything about what she's up to, and that includes the dance. She made me pick her up far away from her house just so he wouldn't find out." Todd's perpetual smile turns lascivious. "Have you seen her yet?"

"Yeah. She's all right, I guess."

Todd's eyebrows hit his scalp. "Are you shittin' me? Now that I got her out of those ugly ass sweaters and into a dress, the girl's a nine at least. I admit I thought I was gonna regret bringing her here at first, but it turned out to be a stroke of luck. She went from library nerd to a complete babe. So, between that and the nice payday you guys provided me with, all that buttering up I had to go through just to get her to say 'yes' to coming tonight was totally worth it."

A growl escapes my throat and my nostrils flare.

Bella means nothing to him.

Although I found Todd annoying from the start, I had assumed he genuinely liked her. I thought he would take her to the party, show her a good time, and bring some joy back into her life. I see now that he is a wolf in sheep's clothing - and if there is anything I truly loathe, it is a wolf. In all honesty, they were actually shape shifting humans in wolf form. Their kind has since died out, which was the only reason why my family was able to move back here in the first place. Back in the day, they caused plenty of problems when we first lived on the Olympic Peninsula.

But in this moment, I regard those flea-bitten wolves with far more respect than this pathetic excuse for a human boy I see in front of myself.

"What are you gonna do with her now?" asks the boy in sunglasses.

Todd's mouth puckers out as he ponders the question. "Well... before tonight, I thought I'd give her a little thrill. Like, maybe I'd dance with her a time or two before faking a stomach ache and sending her home. But, now I'm thinking this girl has some... untapped potential that I should investigate." He wags his eyebrows, his meaning crystal clear. His friends laugh. "I think I'm gonna enjoy myself tonight."

"Is she into you like that already?"

"Not yet, but she will be." Todd locates a couple of red solo cups and fills them with the cheap beer flowing from a keg. "Everyone knows liquor loosens you up. And my motto is, the more the better. I guarantee you she'll be all over me before the night is over."

My eyes narrow on Todd. He's no harmless Casanova. He is a sleaze. If he wasn't currently surrounded by a crowd of people, I wouldn't be able to help myself. I would crush him with my bare hands, stop the torture just long enough to reset his broken bones, and then crush him again. I'd make a night of it.

Searching for an outlet for my murderous rage, I lift the boulder I've been reclining against above my head. I hurl it into the wilderness, towards an area far away from the humans at the party. A sonic boom immediately follows and lightly shakes the ground beneath my feet. I'm sure if I checked, I'd find a good sized crater on the forest floor.

The conversation between Todd and his friends comes to a momentary halt. He looks at the three of them curiously. "Whoa. What the fuck was that? Thunder, maybe?"

"I dunno man. I thought we weren't supposed to get any more rain for the next few days," cowlick boy says.

"Hmm. I'm glad I rolled up my truck's windows before I came in here." Todd shrugs a careless shoulder. "Oh well." He wiggles the cups in his hands and smiles. "See you losers later. I'd better get back to working on my date. She's lookin' kinda lonely over there. Wish me luck."

I growl yet again. On second thought, I should have lured Todd outside before throwing that boulder.

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A/N-

Songs used in this chapter-

Let's Dance by David Bowie. Before the '80s, David was known for his experimental songs. He sang them in a style all his own and dressed like a Starman from outer space. Let's Dance was more of a conventional, new wave pop song and became a huge hit all over the globe. Then, cancer came along a few years ago and took him away from us. I just want to say unequivocally that cancer sucks and should be sent the way of the dinosaurs.

Next Chapter- We're going to swing back in time by just a little bit and see how Bella got stuck with Todd. Then, you get to watch him showcase his doucheness for your viewing pleasure. And, Bella learns of some interesting things before and during the party. Yeah, that's all the hints I'm giving you. Sorry!

Thanks for reading. :-)