Chapter 15: Slowly, but surely, Hiratsuka Shizuka makes a decision..

It was perhaps a week after that I began worrying, and then another that the feeling of uneasiness began to build up. To be honest, though, I probably felt more than one emotion, but the main ones that kept coming up are were loneliness and betrayal.

School felt empty and meaningless, and Service Club itself seemed to have suffered the same fate – there had been an increase in people cancelling their requests, and people who were regulars just stopped showing up. It took a load off my shoulder, but again, it was meaningless.

Despite being cynical most of the time, a lot people came in asking him for advice. To tell you the truth, I didn't care that the regulars didn't show up anymore. Even when Hanasaki, the one responsible for making him more sociable, stopped coming, I still didn't care. But without him around however, I was totally by myself. At times, I would pour an extra cup of tea just to fool myself into thinking that the reality is otherwise, and it worked sometimes.

When it didn't work, I tried to think about all the good memories I'd built throughout my life up until that point. I thought about various things: like that time when I went to an amusement park with my family when I was younger, or that time when I found out I passed Sobu High entrance exam. It was all well and dandy until my thoughts just circle back to those memories with him, that would be when the feeling of betrayal comes in.

After you accept someone, you shouldn't even ask whether or not to stay by their side, comforting them when they need you to – it's a promise by that point. Not only that he broke that promise in particular, he also broke another promise: the one he made that time on our train home, that he'll come back and explain everything to me.

I did as he asked me to: chasing that girl all the way to the last carriage, trying to calm her down. I knew it wasn't worth the hassle, but I had to do it, if it meant I could finally get an explanation.

"Yui-chan, calm down.. there's no reason to run.." I said, panting in between the words.

She didn't respond, as if her consciousness didn't even register the fact that I was talking to her.

"Yui.. chan?"

"Who.."

"Huh?"

"Who...?" she said once more.

Ah right, if she is really Yui-chan she probably doesn't recognize me after all these years, I thought.

"Yui-chan, don't you remember me? Hiratsuka Shizuka. I used to be your tutor, remember?" I said.

"Who do you think you are.. to do something like that to Hikki?!' she said.

"What are you talking about, Yui-chan?" I said, and put my arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her.

She shooked my arms off, and dashed forward.

"Don't touch me!" she said as she just stood there, and stared straight into my soul.

"I.. I haven't done a thing" I said.

"Liar" she said, "You have no idea how many times I tried, only to have him avoid me in some way.."

Despite her being vague about it, I knew exactly what she was trying to imply – not that it would change a thing, though. The girl suddenly grabbed my brazers, and pulled me back and forth frantically.

"So, tell me! What did you do to him?!" she accused me once again.

"Just.. let go of me.. Ugh!" I grunted, escaping her grip, "I said I didn't do anything..I guess It was just.. the right place and time that changed his mind.."

"I can't believe it.. I really can't" she said.

"It's not my fault that I don't know.." I said, "He never said much about himself, let alone about people he knew"

"If that's the case, then you don't deserve it.." she said, "You don't deserve what you have.. and on top of that, you're becoming a teacher – and not just anyone's teacher – his teacher! Don't you think that's just inappropriate?!"

That was when the girl was starting to get on my nerves. I never once forced Hikigaya-kun to have a change of heart, it was a conscious decision made by he himself. Yet there I was, accused of being manipulative, and supposedly "not worthy".

"Yui-chan, look here, I won't argue that you're someone important to him, but you suck at being one.." I said.

The girl gasped as the statement took her by surprise.

"Just because you'll eventually become a teacher, doesn't mean you have the right to say that!" she threw the argument at me.

I wasn't going to back down, though – I was determined to shed some light into her, to hit her with the hard truth.

"I don't care! I stand by my opinion that you suck" I said, "and I have a reason why"

At at moment, all she did was gritting her teeth, but I knew I was going to be slapped in the face sooner or later, so I had to make use of any remaining time. I took a quick breath, making myself ready to say all of it in one go.

As I was about to open my mouth, I felt a little pinch from behind; it felt like I was bitten by an ant. Suddenly, both of my legs became almost weightless, and I lost control over them. I was swaying from left to right until I had to rely on the walls to support myself. My vision began to grow hazy, and my eyelids began gaining incredible weight.

"Hiratsuka-san, I'm sorry things have to turn out like this" said someone from behind.

With very little strength that I had left, I turned around and saw the lady.

"I can't leave him here anymore" she said, "Everyone else is waiting for him back home"

After that statement, my eyes were completely shut, and I was left unconcious.

It was about three weeks then, and everyday was the exact same: go to school, pass by the clubroom, go home. That day was going to be like any other day. As I got home, the first thing I aimed for was the stairs.

"Shizuka" my mother called me from the kitchen, "I made your favorite today, don't forget to eat."

"Yeah. Got it" I said. I wanted to go up to my room and rest, because I just wanted to be left alone. Had my mother seen my face, she would've asked about the tear stains on my face. Naturally, I got them while I was walking home, but it was just too bothersome for me to tell her the details. She wouldn't understand it anyway, I thought.

I went straight and lie down on my bed after I entered my bedroom. I wanted to just lie down, and forget everything that happened. I figured sleeping would help a bit, but as I was about to close my eyes, a tape on the corner of my bed caught my attention. I reached for it and read the label, October's Top Singles, it said.

"I guess some music won't hurt" I whispered to myself.

I took a pen from my bag, poked it into one of the holes and rewinded the tape.

After I was done with the rewind, I put the tape aside and reached for my bag once more. I searched for a moment and found what I wanted, the player. It wasn't anything special, just a cheap portable cassette player from an unknown brand, but it worked. I put the tape in the player and played the music.

As the nobs inside the player started spinning, I leaned against the wall, hugging a pillow while waiting for the song to come up.

When the soft piano beginning came up, it calmed me down a bit. I had listened to it once before, and since it was the first song on the track, I remembered it better than other ones on the tape. The lyrics was nice too – the singer walks through a winter night, holding hands with their lover, hoping that the moment would last forever.

Of course, I knew the reality of it. The guy'll probably run away first, I thought. It wasn't a bad song at all, but the overly optimistic lyrics was just too painful to listen to.

After the song faded, I expected the next song to come up with equally painful lyrics, but all that did was static.

"Oh, come on.. I spent a whole week worth of allowance on this.." I said, staring at the tape through the transparent lid. As I was about to press the forward button, a coughing sound came out from the player, followed by some kind of message.

"Ahem.. test.." said someone in the recording – it was a sound of a women.

"If this works, then this message is for Hiratsuka Shizuka-san:" she said.

I was a initially creeped out to think someone secretly edited the content of the tape and put it back in my bag, as God knows how many properties of mine have the person seen. However, as I listened to the recording, I began to realize something..

"Hello, Hiratsuka-san, you may not recognize my voice, but I can assure you that we have met before. I was the one who appeared before you and Hikigaya Hachiman on the train"

By that point, I knew who she was – she was the same women who knocked me out.

"What does she want from me?" I asked myself.

"Although it may be inappropriate, I would like to properly introduce myself: My name is Hikigaya Yukie, a relative of Hikigaya-kun. You may find it strange that I address him as such, but I have my reasons for doing so.

Now, as for the message itself, I want to start off by apologizing about what I did to you on the train. I did so out of fear that you wouldn't be able to remain calm about Hikigaya-kun leaving, which is the reason for me to make this recording.

As much as it may seem unfathomable to you, Hikigaya-kun does not come from the same place that you do, so returning him to where he belongs is only natural.

You may think the purpose of this recording is to inform you that you'll never be able to see him ever again, but in fact, it is the opposite.

Leading you to where he is will be a simple task – the problem lies within you. You have to ask yourself: 'Am I ready to leave everything behind?'

If you answer is 'Yes', then I'll be waiting at Sobu High, and you can meet me after school at the incinerator. If that is truly your calling, then don't worry about your sudden disappearance, as I've already found your replacement just in case.

However, if you want to deny this proposal, all you have to do is ignore this message, and no one that is associated with me, including Hikigaya-kun, will ever bother you again.

If you ever want your memories of him erased afterwards, mail this tape to the address on the label behind it – I will send you back the original copy of this tape with all the songs untouched, and I'll make sure you and everybody else forget about him.

I am in no position to give any opinion, but at least let me remind you to think about this carefully, Hiratsuka-san."

The message stopped at that point, and a song faded in slowly.

I stared at the cassette player, thinking about the result that will come to be if I chose either one.

I was in dilemma.

Yes, I truly wanted to meet him, but then I had to ask myself: was I ready to leave everything behind? If that mean permanently leaving this place, then what will be waiting for me on the other end?

All the things I have had to go through during the last couple of months.. It all led to this.. why?, I thought.

Finally, I was overwhelmed, and tears just started streaming down my cheeks intensely.

"I've had enough.."