Chapter 22 - The Neophile
Bella
The mountains that lie to the east of Forks have always fascinated me. On days when they weren't shrouded behind walls of thick clouds, I often imagined what it would be like to explore one of those majestic peaks. Of course, imagining was all I was allowed to do. The mountains were too far out of reach (both literally and figuratively) for a girl like me. Eventually, I learned to accept I would never get to experience an adventure like that for myself.
Then Edward came along, threw me on his back, and had me believing that dreams sometimes do come true.
He and I remain near the summit of the mountain until my stomach begins rumbling. Edward regards the sound as he would an alarm clock. He decides it's time for the human to go home and eat. At first I am annoyed that we have to leave the mountain because of me, but in the end, I am thankful. There's just enough time for me to stick a couple of frozen dinners into the oven before my dad walks through the front door. The two of us eat a largely quiet, though not uncomfortable, meal together. And when Dad asks what I did today after school, I tell him I studied up on the Olympic Mountains.
He thinks I read a book. I don't correct him. He doesn't need to know that I studied the subject first hand.
After dinner, I excuse myself from the table and head upstairs. I open my bedroom door and am unsurprised to find Edward standing by my modest book collection. He seems strangely attracted to my bookshelf. I'm unsure yet if I should be jealous or not.
He spins around on his heels, both hands behind his back. "Guess what I just found," he says.
"I don't know. A book about how you shouldn't snoop through the belongings of others?"
"No," he answers, without a hint of shame. "I found this shoved inside your copy of War and Peace." He reveals what he has been hiding behind his back. It's a booklet with the words "Washington State Driver's Guide" printed on the cover.
"Wow. You caught me," I deadpan. "OK. So I own a driver's manual. Is there something wrong with that?"
"No. However, I do have a question. Does your father know you have this?" I give Edward a sharp look. He smiles. "I'll take that as a 'no', then." He places the booklet back in its appropriate hiding spot and asks another question. "Have you studied it yet?"
"Lots of times."
He turns to look at me. "So...if I were to quiz you on what's written inside of that driver's manual, you would know the answers?"
"I think so."
In rapid fire succession, he poses question after question. What should you do at a four-way stop? What is the correct procedure to pass a vehicle on the freeway? It sounds like he has the entire manual memorized word for word.
"Very good," he says to me after several questions have been answered correctly.
"Thanks." My head tilts curiously. "Why did you want to know?"
Although he flashes a gentle smile, his eyes worry me. They're dancing. And dancing Edward eyes make me believe there's something up his sleeve.
"Just curious," he says.
I squint suspiciously at him and cross my arms. "Uh-huh."
There's a break in conversation. He sits down and stretches his long legs on top of my desk. "Bella, do you have anything important planned for tomorrow afternoon?"
"No. Why?"
"Because, now you do. I'll pick you up right after school lets out for the day."
"OK. What are we going to do?"
He leans back in the chair - his fingers steepled in his lap - just like a James Bond villain up to no good. "You'll find out tomorrow afternoon," he replies.
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May 7
The next day, I find myself inside of Edward's old Station Wagon. He says we're going to spend some time at his house. That's fine with me, but I'm kind of pissed that he still refuses to tell me what we're doing today. He just smirks in response to my repeated questions.
What a jerk.
A handsome, clever, unbearably sexy jerk.
Sigh...
When we arrive at his house, he parks the Station Wagon near the front door. He leads me wordlessly to the Cullen garage. The huge door rolls open to reveal his Jaguar. It's washed and waxed to perfection. Hands down it's the most beautiful car in the county. I don't see how he can stand having it hidden away.
He strolls over to the car and opens the door. "Get in."
All I can do is stare at him.
Edward said that same thing to me two months ago. Actually, it was among the first words he had ever spoken to me. After chasing off James, he pretty much ordered me to get into his car so he could drive me home. There's a big difference between then and now, though. Back then, he told me to get in on the passenger's side. This time, he wants me to sit in the driver's seat.
"I think you opened up the wrong door for me," I point out.
"No I didn't. You are going to practice driving today."
My face suddenly goes numb. It must have drained completely of blood.
He smiles. "Well...are you just going to stand there, or are you going to get in?"
I start shaking my head from side to side. "Nuh-uh. No way. I cannot drive that thing, Edward."
"Why not?"
"Because I've never driven before! All I've done is read the driver's manual. I don't even have a permit yet. I might crash your car!"
"I'll be with you the entire time. I won't let you crash." He says this with an annoying amount of confidence.
"But what if I make a mistake and mess up your car? Like, what if I accidentally scratch the front bumper or something?"
He shrugs a shoulder. "It wouldn't matter much to me. I would just have it replaced."
"The bumper?"
"No, the car. I wouldn't mind getting an upgrade."
Now I've really been struck speechless. Edward makes replacing his luxury vehicle sound as easy as replacing a light bulb. He and his family must be wealthier than I thought.
"Come on, " he says. "We have only a couple of hours left to practice before it's time for you to go home."
My eyes flick from the car to his face several times. "I... don't think this is a good idea. I can't do this," I stress.
"Yes you can. Yesterday you said that you wanted to do everything. Well... everything starts right here, right now. Wouldn't you like to learn how to drive?"
"Yeah...but does it have to be the Jaguar? Wouldn't it make more sense for me to practice with the Station Wagon instead?" I'm well aware that I'm whining, but this is an emergency. Crashing and burning the rusty, old Station Wagon sounds less traumatizing than destroying a car that's worth more than my life.
His amused gaze fades to seriousness. "That Station Wagon is a death trap, Bella. It offers about as much protection as a tin can."
"Then why have you been driving us around in it if it's so dangerous?"
"Because I have decades of experience and a reaction time measured in nanoseconds. I've never had a single accident. You, on the other hand, are a beginner driver with a slightly less advanced reaction time. You require a car that is not only safe, but also easy to operate. The Station Wagon is neither of those things. It's difficult to steer, the brakes need work, and the lap belts offer a laughable amount of protection. It is not a vehicle you would want to drive." He pats the roof of the Jaguar, almost affectionately. "This has anti-lock brakes, an automatic transmission, and drives like a dream. It's much safer for you."
I pause to consider what he just said. He put up a good argument.
Damn it.
I walk reluctantly over to the Jaguar and slide inside. The interior smells like leather and an obscene amount of money. This car probably costs more than the house I live in.
I am so screwed. When I crash this thing, I'll have to start working at the diner part-time as a waitress. I wonder how many years worth of tips it will take for me to pay Edward back?
He slips into the passenger seat and closes the door. "All right. Let's get started. Do you remember what you should do first?"
"Yes," I croak. I clear my throat before going through the checklist. I adjust my seat to a comfortable position, check that the steering wheel is angled just right for me, and move the mirrors so I can see all around the car.
At the click of my seat belt, he smiles. "Excellent. Are you ready to start the engine now?"
I hold the steering wheel in a death grip. "No."
"Bella..."
"Fine," I grumble. I shove the key in the ignition. The car purrs like...well, like a living, breathing jaguar. I glance over at Edward. "Now what?"
"Look over your shoulder to make sure your path is clear. Then, shift the car into reverse."
I give a reluctant head nod and peek behind me. There's nothing blocking the car. All I have to do is back out of this garage. That doesn't sound too hard. It gets me to thinking that maybe I've been overreacting today. What are the odds that something will go wrong during my first try at driving? Pretty low I would think. I should just relax and believe in myself for once in my life.
I place my right hand on the gear stick, and then I gently shift into reverse.
Erk!
The car zooms backwards at breakneck speed. I'm so shocked by what's happening, I can't even scream.
In the next instant, Edward throws up the handbrake. The car rocks to an abrupt stop.
I'm gulping for oxygen, looking just like a fish out of water. I knew this was a bad idea. I almost wrecked before even leaving the garage!
"I'm sorry," Edward frowns. "I suppose I neglected to mention that you should press down on the brake pedal before shifting into reverse."
I inhale deeply and hold my breath until I calm down. Once I have recovered my ability to speak, I shake my head at him. "No. It's not your fault. I should have remembered to do that by myself. I've only studied the driver's manual a thousand times."
His eyes grow softer. "How about we look at this from a different perspective. At least neither one of us will ever make the same mistake again."
I nod weakly in agreement. "Yep. This was definitely a learning experience."
I reach for the seat belt. His hand is there and blocking the button before I can unbuckle it.
"What are you doing?" he says.
I state the obvious. "The driving lesson is over. It's time to get out of the car."
His head cocks critically to the side. "You only moved the car a foot, Bella."
"So?"
He sighs. "How do you expect to get anywhere in life if you're quitting already?" He takes my hand and sets it back on the steering wheel. "Try again."
I shake my head. "Nope. This is a bad idea."
"No it isn't."
"Yes it is. I'm not cut out for driving. What just happened proves it."
"You made one mistake. That's nothing. It will get easier the more you practice."
"But-"
His finger lands on my lips. "No more excuses, Bella. Do it."
I narrow my eyes at him. Is he seriously trying to boss me around? And, how dare he claim I was about to make up an excuse to get out of driving today. It's one hundred percent true, but still...he shouldn't assume anything about me.
Out of pure spite, I smash down on the brakes and slowly creep in reverse. I'm nervous that I'm going to damage his precious car, but somehow, I manage to exit the garage without bringing the building down. Once safely outside, I put the car into park.
Swiveling around in my seat, I hold my chin high and stare him down. "There. Are you happy now, Master?"
His resulting smile is breathtaking. He doesn't appear irritated at all by my sarcasm.
Jerk.
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May 12
I practice driving for five straight afternoons. The Cullen driveway is two miles long, making it a great substitute for a public road. I've driven up and down it probably a hundred times. It took a lot of the pressure off of me knowing that I wouldn't kill anyone except for myself as long as I stayed on their driveway. I sort of like driving now. Me being the only person in control of the car is exhilarating. And, Edward assures me that I am progressing normally. I guess he's right. I haven't crashed or flipped his car yet. That's always a plus. He even thinks I'll be ready for the road soon.
It began raining heavily this morning and has continued well into the afternoon. The windshield wipers can't keep up with the amount of water coming down. Driving through a storm like this would take more skill and confidence than I currently possess. Edward took one look at my panicked face and decided to give me a break. There will be no driving for me today.
We go to his house anyway since hanging out at the meadow isn't an option either due to the weather. We run through the downpour and throw open the front door. Even with a raincoat on each of us, we get a little wet. We shake out of our coats and hang them up to dry. Afterwards, he takes my hand and pulls me into the living room.
"Are you ready for your first lesson?" he says.
This stops me cold. I frown at his seemingly innocent face. "Just cut to the chase, Edward. You know I have no clue what you're talking about."
He gestures towards the grand piano. "You said that your mother wanted to teach you how to play, but she was unable to do so before..." He stops himself, allowing me to fill in the blanks. "Well, if you're willing, I'd like to teach you myself."
The suspicion in my eyes turns to awe. My mom was a piano teacher. Her death prevented her from keeping the promise she once made to me. I told Edward the story only one time in passing. And that was weeks ago.
"You remember me telling you about that?"
"Of course. I remember everything you've said to me." He steps closer and brushes away a piece of hair from my forehead. "Would you like to learn?"
Overcome with emotion, I find that I cannot speak. All I can do is nod.
He encourages me to sit beside him on the piano bench and begins to explain the basics. I try to pay attention, but my eyes are distracted by the way his lips and hands move. Half of the things he says flies through one ear and out the other. The stuff that does get through makes very little impression on me. Minutes into the lesson, he informs me that it's time to practice piano scales. I make mistake after mistake. I hit wrong keys and forget what comes next an embarrassing amount of times. Soon, I come to realize that I don't have long fingers like Edward does. Mine are short and stubby. I don't possess his dexterity, patience, or a fraction of his talent either. Everything he does looks effortless. When he plays something as simple as Chopsticks, the heavens open up and the gods smile down upon him. When I play, my eardrums threaten to burst like a popped balloon.
I think that's a sign I should stop.
After an hour of torture, I lift my weary fingers from the keys. "Edward?"
"Hmm?"
"This is a lost cause."
"Don't give up just yet. It's only your first lesson." He switches seamlessly from playing a basic piano scale to a lively jazz number. It's further proof that I am out of my element.
"First and last lesson," I emphasize. "I'm awkward and clumsy on this thing. My fingers refuse to cooperate. Besides, I'm just not feeling it. I think I like listening to someone else play the piano a lot more than trying to play it myself."
The music stops. He studies me carefully. "Are you sure?"
I nod. "Honestly, I think I'd be hopeless playing any instrument. It's just not for me. I think I like singing better."
He reaches for my hand and gives it a light squeeze. "Alright," he murmurs. "You don't need to play an instrument if you don't want to. You are a singer...and perfect the way you are."
His eyes do that thing where they grow impossibly deep. It never ceases to discombobulate me. I'm surprised I haven't melted into a puddle of goo yet.
"I guess we should combine our talents and create music together then," I whisper.
He hums in agreement. It almost sounds like a growl. I close my eyes as he leans in. The kiss is tender and light, like the fluttering of a butterfly's wings. Soon it becomes more serious. His fingers weave deeply into my hair, anchoring me in place. We lose ourselves in the moment. I taste his love and feel desire in his every touch...
Click.
Wroosh!
Upon hearing the unexpected sounds, we instantly break apart. I blink in confusion at what I see. Esme stands several feet away, armed with a Polaroid camera. Edward stares at her with a knitted brow for a couple of seconds. Then, he rolls his eyes dramatically.
"Esme," he groans.
"Oh, don't mind me," she chirps as she waves the developing photo back and forth. "You two continue with what you were doing."
He sends her a sour-faced look.
"What is it, dear? I was only taking a picture for the family scrapbook." She pauses to check the photo she just took. "And it came out very nice if I do say so myself."
"Scrapbook?" Edward snorts. "I don't think so. It's more like you were taking visual evidence to enhance your case."
"Well, what else was I supposed to do? Rosalie and Emmett thought I was exaggerating when I told them that you have a girlfriend now. Sending them pictures of the two of you together is the only way we can prove them wrong." She casts a dimpled smile our way and lifts the camera to her eyes again. "OK. This time, how about we make things more interesting? Bella, would you mind sitting on Edward's lap? And Edward? Would you please wipe that scowl off your face? They'll never believe that's really your girlfriend if it looks like you're being forced to kiss her."
Without a word, Edward leads me towards the stairs. We march up to the third floor, my face in flames during the entire journey. Right before his bedroom door slams shut behind us, I hear a cheerful voice echo up from downstairs.
"Some other time then?"
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May 14
Today Edward declares that I am ready to graduate to the next step of driving. That's why I am currently in the driver's seat and chewing my bottom lip to bits.
"Are you sure this is OK?" It's the third time I've asked him this in the last five minutes.
"Yes," he says. "The roads in this section of the county are rarely used, especially in the afternoons. No one will see us."
"But what if we do run into someone. They'll see this car and then me in the driver's seat. The news would be all over town by sunset." The end result, of course, would be Charles Swan finding out that I am driving without his permission. That would be disastrous. I would be grounded for sure. And if he were to figure out whose car I was using, he would grow to hate Edward even more than he does already.
"Don't worry." Edward taps the side of his skull. "You are forgetting that I have a built-in radar system. I'll know if anyone gets anywhere near us."
Comforted by that thought, I press the accelerator and turn onto the public road. It's not much to brag about. A hundred years ago, this road was nothing more than a dirt path. It's paved now but still very narrow. There's just enough room for two average-sized cars to pass by without striking one another. The road weaves through a beautiful but largely uninhabited area. With the exception of the Cullen residence, there are no houses in the direction we are traveling. I drive several miles without a problem. Then, a certain song begins playing on the stereo. Edward calls this type of music heavy metal. I usually like it...but not so much at the moment.
Here I am
Rock you like a hurricane
(Are you ready, baby?)
My posture grows more stiff the longer the song plays. Guitars wail. Drums pound like thunder. It feels like the music is trying to possess me. I grip the steering wheel tighter in an attempt to hold myself in check.
"Edward," I call out between my gritted teeth. He glances over at me from the passenger seat. I nod towards the tape deck. "Turn that off."
"Why?"
"The song..." A frown tugs at my lips. "It's making me want to drive faster."
There's a moment of silence on his end. Then, a smirk slides up one side of his face. "Oh?" he says. "So if this song were to continue playing, does that mean you'll finally have the courage to push the speedometer needle above forty?"
If I wasn't currently terrified of crashing this car, I would wave my middle finger right in his face.
Instead, I direct a glare at him. My facial expression must get my point across. The next thing I know, he presses the stop button on the car's tape player. I visibly relax now that all I can hear is the purring of the engine. "Thanks," I exhale. I'm so relieved, I immediately forgive his annoying comment from before.
"You're welcome." He points at the stop sign up ahead. "Turn left." I flip the blinker on and follow his instructions. We pass over a bridge and then through a dense forest that borders both sides of the road. "By the way... you are doing remarkably well," he compliments. "You haven't made a single mistake in more than a week."
I smile. I want to say something about how I had a great teacher and that's why I have gotten better. But before a single syllable rolls off my tongue, everything changes. Edward is sitting in the driver's seat. I am in his lap. His foot slams the brakes hard. Tires squeal in protest. The car jerks to a halt. If Edward hadn't been holding me so securely, my head would have smacked into the steering wheel.
Seconds later, an elk appears out of nowhere and trots across the road. It is huge, standing at least five feet tall at the shoulders. No doubt it would have totaled the car if I had hit it. The animal gives us only a passing glance before scampering into the woods and disappearing from sight.
Our eyes slowly meet. I'm in a state of shock. Edward's mouth is pursed, as though in deep thought.
"Well..." he says, "considering that your heart sounds like it's readying itself to explode, I think this concludes your lesson for the day."
I swallow and give a slow nod. "Yeah. I think so too."
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May 18
On Saturdays you can usually find me at the town library pushing book carts around. However, I am not going to be doing any volunteering today. I am with Edward at the moment, and he's driving like a bat out of hell towards Port Townsend. Why are we going there? Beats me. He said something about an annual festival that we ought to go see. It's a festival held in honor of a certain flower.
A flower.
Now, I have nothing against flowers personally. They're great. I just find it hard to believe they're the reason why he's so eager to go to this festival.
The drive to Port Townsend normally takes two hours. But, of course, we get there a lot faster than that since Edward drives like a madman. Speed limits mean nothing to him. We left home forty minutes ago and we're crossing into Port Townsend already. He insisted that we get to the festival as early as possible so we can find a good spot to sit. Why? Again, I don't know. All he will say is that I'll love it once I see it.
The festival is in full swing by the time we find a place to park the car. Port Townsend isn't a big place. It has only a few thousand more people than Forks. But, since this town is a county seat, it feels more important. There's more businesses in the downtown area and it boasts a few more red lights. Edward carries a folded blanket under his arm as we weave through the hundreds of people walking the streets. There are booths selling crafts, places to buy food, and areas for children to play. He ignores all of that and leads me by the hand to a side street. There's an empty stage set up in a grassy area. A dozen or so people are sitting on lawn chairs or resting on blankets thrown on the grass. I look to Edward for an explanation.
"The festival hired musical entertainment today," he says. "None of the acts are famous or anything, but I thought you might like to hear live music. It's a completely different experience than just listening to a cassette or the radio."
My heart fills with both warmth and a healthy dose of excitement. I stand on my toes and kiss his cool cheek. I try to put all of my appreciation into it. "That sounds perfect," I reply.
An hour later, the place is packed with people. Edward and I managed to get a great spot to watch the show. There's a ring of empty space around us, though. The closest group of people are at least several feet away. Edward shrugged his shoulders indifferently when I brought it up. I'm guessing he's used to people wanting to keep their distance. When the starting act walks out on stage, I try to forget about the crowd's fear of him and instead concentrate on the music. The band is playing their hearts out up there. Every strum of the electric guitar vibrates through my entire body. And the lead singer's voice is amazing. It has a gritty, raw quality that captures your attention. Sometimes he screams out the lyrics, which only adds to the goosebumps already on my skin. Plus, the music itself is unlike anything I've heard so far. It's a mix between punk, heavy metal, and the blues. Listening to their performance is turning out to be an unforgettable experience. I haven't stopped smiling once.
"Hey!" I shout over the music. Edward glances my way. I point towards the stage. "What's that band's name again?"
Edward places his mouth at my ear and speaks loud enough for me to hear. "Soundgarden! They're new. Do you like it?"
I give an enthusiastic nod. "They're great!" Then, I get another glimpse of them and scrunch my face. "But why are they dressed like that? Their clothes are ripped and wrinkled, and their hair is long and looks like it hasn't been brushed in days. They look so... grungy."
He shrugs. "It's just some fad going around Seattle. I'm sure they'll clean themselves up if they ever hit it big."
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May 21
It's raining today. That doesn't stop me from practicing driving. Despite my initial fear of the slick roads, I've gotten used to driving through the mess. Everything is going fine today until there's a loud pop. I'm forced to stop the car. Edward investigates and discovers a large nail stuck in the front tire. By the time he throws on the temporary spare, he's soaking wet. I drive carefully back to his house. The driving lesson is postponed until he can get a new tire.
Since he needs to change into some dry clothes, I follow him up to his room and watch him open his closet. It's a walk-in. Curious, I stick my head inside. The closet is almost the size of my bedroom, and there are clothes everywhere.
"What the...?" I move to stand by his side and stare open-mouthed at one of the many clothes racks surrounding us. "Edward, why do you have twenty shirts of the same design? The only difference is that they're in different colors." I rotate around, flabbergasted by what I see. "I mean...who on earth needs this much in their closet? This looks like the men's section of a department store. You could clothe the entire male population of Forks and still have enough to last you through the rest of the century."
He sighs, shoulders drooping. "It isn't my fault. With the exception of a few concert t-shirts, I didn't buy any of this."
"Then where did all these clothes come from?"
Edward's eyes dart to my face. There's a touch of sympathy in them now. "You'll see," he says, almost ominously.
"What do you mean?"
"This time next year, I can practically guarantee that you'll be drowning in sweater dresses and name brand jeans. In fact, your wardrobe will likely be larger than mine."
I shake my head dismissively. "Whatever. I don't have extra cash lying around to blow on tons of expensive clothes."
He raises an eyebrow. "Now, I didn't say you would buy them, did I?"
"Well...who else would buy me that much stuff? You?"
"No."
"Esme? Carlisle?"
"No, and no," he says lightly.
I throw my hands up in frustration. "Then how will I be 'drowning in clothes' if none of us bought them, Edward? Who would care enough about how I dress to warrant showing up on my doorstep and handing over thousands of dollars worth of clothes I don't need?"
He chuckles. A knowing smirk dangles from his lips. "You'll see..."
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May 24
I'm up in my room finishing my math homework. The instant after I fill in the last answer on the worksheet, a shower of glossy paper rains down on my bed. I glance up from my work. Edward is standing over me.
"What's this?" I ask.
"College brochures. You need to begin thinking about your future."
I pick up a few at random. There's names like Columbia, Yale, and Dartmouth. All outrageously expensive, and all hundreds of miles away from Forks.
I frown at him. "What's the point of looking at any of these if I'm only going to Clallam County Community College?"
"Is that where you want to go?"
"Not really... but that's where I'll end up if my dad has anything to say about it."
Edward gives me the side eye. He pushes the pile of brochures closer to me. "Aim higher then."
"Dad won't like it if I'm living on the other side of the continent," I remind him. "He'll worry that he can't protect me from that distance, and then he'll say that I need to stay closer to home."
"Perhaps there are ways to change his mind. I'm sure your school guidance counselor would be willing to talk some sense into him. And if you present your university of choice in a positive light, how could he possibly deny his daughter the opportunity of a lifetime? That's why you should study up now and decide which one would be best for you."
I huff and roll my eyes. "Fine. I guess it wouldn't hurt to at least look through these brochures. But, you have to promise me that we'll do something that I want to do tomorrow."
"Deal. Do you have anything in particular in mind?"
A shy smile slips up my face. "Well...Dad has to work an overnight shift tomorrow, so I figure it's the perfect opportunity to try something I've always been curious about."
"Alright," Edward says carefully. "Name it."
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May 25, 8:04 pm
It's Saturday. Edward slips through my window at around dusk. He carries a large paper sack and his boombox. The boombox is placed on my nightstand. It's already wafting out a pop song that was released recently. When Chief Swan is away, the music will play is our new philosophy.
Edward gives the paper bag a light shake. The contents inside rattle. "Where do you want this?"
"On the floor, please."
He nods and begins pulling things out of the bag. Glass bottle after glass bottle are lined up in a row. My eyebrows rise higher and higher with each addition.
"Edward," I breathe out in shock. "I asked that you bring a couple for me to try, not the liquor store's entire inventory!"
"How can you expect me to only bring two for you if I have no idea what you might like? Buying a variety made more sense."
I slide off the bed and on to the carpet. "How did you manage to get any of this? Didn't they ask for your ID?"
He smirks while he unloads the bag. "I have an ID for every occasion. Tonight I portrayed twenty-two year old Anthony Whitlock from Olympia, Washington. No one in Port Angeles knows who I am, so the clerk had no problem selling me enough alcohol to stock a small bar. He didn't ask me a single question. It's amazing what a good tip can do for you."
I pick up a bottle and examine the label. Jack Daniels. 1966. I see a similar pattern in age with most of the other bottles. I'm no expert when it comes to alcohol, but I know there's no way the twenty dollar bill I handed Edward earlier could have bought all of this.
I eye him accusingly. "You went way over my budget."
"I know," he replies.
"Do I want to know how much you spent?"
"Probably not."
I frown. "I want to be mad, but since you brought me what I asked, I can't scream at you like I want."
He chuckles and takes a seat on the floor, directly across from me. "How disappointing for you," he coos.
I make a show of rolling my eyes but move on quickly. It's time for me to do some good old-fashioned, teenage experimentation. I pick up the glass I brought up from the kitchen and pour in a splash of the whiskey. The color is almost the shade of Edward's eyes. It puts off an unusual odor, though. It's very strong. I've never smelled anything quite like it before.
Nervous, I glance over at Edward. "I wish you could join me."
"Me too." He smiles softly. "But at least I get to live vicariously through you. I'm happy if you are happy. Just...be careful. Don't drink too much of that stuff, or else you'll live to regret it later."
I nod. Then - sucking in a lungful of air - I throw back the whiskey into my mouth and swallow. Liquid fire pours down my throat, making my eyes water. It feels like I'm drowning. I hack into a coughing fit.
"I... don't think... I'm ready...for this one," I sputter as Edward pats my back.
I give the same verdict to the gin, vodka, and tequila. One taste is all I can stand. Edward recommends mixing them with something else to dilute their strength. I decide against it. I've had enough of the hard liquor for today. The beer is a different story. I'm able to take several cautious sips.
"So, how is it?" Edward wonders.
I swish the liquid around in my mouth as I think of what to say. "Hmm. It's much better than the keg at the dance, but this isn't that great either. It's kind of...bland. I thought it would be better than this."
"I'm sorry. All they had in stock were a couple of brands of their domestic beer. They're typically not as good as what you'd find elsewhere in the world. One day we can go someplace that's known for their breweries. Ireland, maybe. Or, West Germany. We could visit East Germany too if you like, but you might have to sneak across the border on my back."
I shake my head in amusement. "Thanks but I think we should steer clear of the Iron Curtain. Knowing my luck, we would get picked up on radar or something. They would probably think you're some sort of secret weapon. I don't want us to be the reason why World War III breaks out."
"Hasn't happened yet."
I raise my brow at him. He shrugs. It sounds like there's an interesting story or two he hasn't shared with me yet.
Overlooking Edward's comment for now, I come across a bottle of white wine with the word Sauternes on the label. He uncorks it for me. I pour a tiny amount into my glass and raise it to my lips.
"Wow." My tongue glides over my mouth to collect the drops of liquid gold. "This is pretty good. It's sort of fruity and sweet." I grab the bottle and fill my glass to the top.
Edward's hand lands on top of mine, preventing me from taking another swallow. "Go easy, Bella. You don't know yet how this will affect you."
I brush away his hand and roll my eyes at his tense facial expression. "Oh, stop worrying. It's just a little wine. I'll be fine."
9:27 pm
I'm staring up at the ceiling and giggling. Something is hilarious. I forget what it is, though...
Maybe Edward remembers.
I sit up cross-legged on the floor. I find him sitting nearby, watching me. His face temporarily stuns me. It's impossible to look away. My empty glass rolls out of my hand as I crawl over to him. My vision blurs midway there. I stop and give my head a good shake. Once I can see clearly again, I lean my forehead against his. I'm staring directly into his eyes. There's something I need to tell him. It's important.
"You's pretty, Edsward." I burst into giggles again. I never noticed how funny his name sounds!
His mouth quirks up at one corner. "Thank you."
Looking at his mouth makes me think about my mouth. I touch it. It feels dry. I swallow. My throat is dry, too. "I'm thirsy," I mumble. My brow creases. That word doesn't sound right either. I try again. "Thir-sty."
The wine bottle is nearby. I make a grab for it. Edward snatches it away before I can get there. He hands me a glass instead. There's something already in it.
"Drink some water," he says.
"Why?"
He holds up the wine. "Because I believe you've had enough of this for the evening."
Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I've never, ever felt so sad before in my entire life.
"But thas what I want," I sniff, pointing at the bottle.
"I know." He cups my cheek tenderly. "We'll just have to find something else to do to get your mind off the wine."
9:32 pm
My lips are sliding down Edward's neck, tasting every inch. My fingers are unbuttoning his shirt. I've forgotten all about that wine bottle.
Meanwhile, he's frozen in place, his posture as stiff as the tree outside of my window. "Bella...you need to stop."
I pause for only the briefest second. "Don't want to." Then, I swoop in for more.
He suddenly grabs me by both wrists and pins me to the floor. He hovers right above me and frowns. We've never been in this position before.
"You don't know what you're doing," he says.
"Yes I do," I retort. I wiggle underneath him in an attempt to free my hands. I want to finish unbuttoning his shirt. Soon, however, I notice something pressing against my lower belly. I realize what it is real quick. I stare up at him, my brows knitted together in curiosity.
"Edsward? Are you hard as stone down there all the time?"
His eyes squeeze shut. He groans too. Did I hurt him somehow? I didn't mean to. He deserves an apology. Maybe a kiss will make everything better again. I extend my neck as far as I can and pucker out my lips. He successfully dodges me, though.
"Please, Bella," he begs. "Stop moving. You should rest now while you can."
My mouth begins quivering. I don't want to cry again, but I can't help it. "Whyyyy?"
3:15 am
"Whyyyy?" I moan. "Why did I have to be so stupid?"
I'm currently on my knees and hugging the toilet. Edward keeps trying to hold my hair back as I barf up everything I've ever eaten. I'm pretty sure I saw the beef liver I ate exactly one bite of back when I was nine. Or, what I vomited was my liver. Maybe all that alcohol I drank earlier is causing my body to reject its own organs. It's hard to say which is the truth.
There's only one thing I know for sure.
I am dying.
May 26, 9:48 am
There's a persistent knocking sound coming from somewhere close by. It makes my headache pound harder. I pry open my eyes and squint into the morning light. I discover that I'm in my bed and tucked underneath the blankets.
That's strange. I don't even remember going to bed last night.
"Bella?" comes a voice through my bedroom door.
Shit. It's my dad! He must be back home from work.
I sit up and scan my room for anything laying around that might get me into trouble. Like, liquor bottles or a secret vampire boyfriend. Neither one is in sight.
I clear my throat and try to appear normal despite the fact that I feel like a zombie. "Come in."
"I made breakfast a while ago. It's getting cold," Dad says as the door squeaks open. He pokes his head into my room. His thick eyebrows fly up to his hairline once he notices where I am. "You're still in bed? You're usually up by now."
"Um. Yeah. Sorry, but I'm not feeling so well. I decided I'd better take it easy today."
"What's wrong? Do you need to see a doctor?"
Panic brews inside of me. Me, go to a doctor's office? No way! They'd probably figure out what's wrong with me in no time at all. Then, Dad would inevitably find out what their diagnosis is, and I would be grounded until my hair turns gray.
"No, I don't need a doctor, Dad. I'm just..." While I struggle to find a way to save myself, an idea pops into my head. I immediately run with it. "This is just woman problems, Dad. I'll be fine eventually." To add a visual aid to my lie, I wrap my arms around my midsection and hunch over slightly.
He blinks at me. It takes him a whole ten seconds before his eyes stretch wide open. "Oh! Err... I see." He coughs awkwardly and begins backing out of my room, like he thinks I'm a bomb that's about to explode. "I'll just...um..." Then, the door closes and he's gone. I must have scared him off.
Thank god for small miracles.
In the same instant that my bedroom door closes, my closet door swings open. Edward is leaning against the doorway with both arms folded across his chest. "Woman problems?" he smirks.
"Yes. I'm a woman and I'm having problems."
"You are hungover," he declares in amusement.
"Yeah, but I didn't specify what my problem was exactly, did I? I can't help it if he assumes I'm on my period."
"True." Edward steps closer to the bed and chuckles softly. "Though, I think your acting skills were too good this morning. Your father's thoughts are difficult to decipher, but I can usually see bits and pieces. And right now, I'm picking up on an intriguing development."
"What is it?"
"He wants to be helpful for a change. He's deliberating whether or not he should go to the pharmacy and pick up some feminine hygiene products for you."
I grab my pillow, smash it over my face, and groan. My dad and I only recently have gotten to the point where we can talk to one another like normal people. I swear if he brings tampons home for me, I will never be able to look at him without blushing again. I'm just not ready for him to be that involved with my menstrual cycle.
I feel my bed move. I peek out from under my hiding place. Edward is sitting beside me now. He removes the pillow from over my face and brushes his hand across my forehead. Subtly checking my temperature, I bet. "How are you feeling?" he asks.
"Like a truck just ran over me, backed up, and hit me again," I mutter.
He nods. "A normal symptom, all things considered."
"Maybe, but I hope I don't ever feel this way again. I hate it."
"Just don't drink more than a glass of wine next time, then you should be fine."
I hum so he'll know I heard him. Slowly, my eyebrows draw together as I think about my little alcohol experiment. It's taken me until now to realize something.
"What happened last night?" I ask.
"You don't remember?"
"Not really. I have a lot of gaps in my memory. It gets sort of hazy starting sometime around my second glass." Not being able to recall much of anything has me anxious. There's a funny feeling gnawing at me now. I glance over at Edward. "I didn't do anything embarrassing, did I?"
His mouth opens and closes several times. He won't even look at me directly. I don't think I've ever seen him flustered before.
"Edward?" I prompt.
He locks eyes with me reluctantly. "Define 'embarrassing'."
I groan again and hide back under my pillow. On second thought, maybe it's best that I don't know what happened.
00000000000000000000
May 30
We're on Edward's couch watching his MTV VHS collection. During one of the commercial breaks, I catch sight of an advertisement for an amusement park on the east coast. I make him stop fast forwarding through it so I can check it out. This inevitably has him curious concerning why I am interested. Soon, he gets it out of me that I haven't been to an amusement park yet.
"You've never ridden a roller coaster?" he presses.
"No."
He pauses the tape and grabs my hand. We end up in a room on the second floor. The only objects inside of it are a couple of pieces of furniture. Edward says this will be the bedroom of one pair of his siblings once they return from their trip abroad. That's supposed to happen in August. But until then, he says, they won't be needing their mattress.
He throws it above his head and carries it out of the room like it weighs nothing. The mattress plops down in the hallway.
"Are you ever going to tell me what you're up to?" I'm getting to be slightly annoyed by his secrecy.
"Isn't it obvious?"
I roll my eyes. "Well, 'obviously' not," I retort, using air quotes to enhance my point.
"It's going to be a couple more weeks before any nearby amusement parks open up for the season. So, we are going to prepare you for riding a roller coaster by practicing on the stairs first."
"Huh? What do these stairs have to do with anything?"
He stares at me for a long moment. Disbelief soon takes over his face. "Don't tell me you've never ridden down the stairs before?"
"No. I haven't."
He sighs and shakes his head. "Oh, Bella. Were you ever allowed to behave like a normal child?"
I twist my mouth as I think back on my life. I was forced to grow up fast. Childish things kind of fell by the wayside after Mom died. Eventually, I give up trying to come up with an answer and just shrug in response to Edward's question.
He guides me over to the mattress and asks me to sit down. I'm told to hold on tight to the edges. The mattress gets a good shove before he hops on behind me. His legs form a protective cage around my body as we descend down the long, steep staircase. We're going fast. Very fast. It feels like we're going down a slide at a playground made exclusively for giants. My hair whips around my face and gets on my nerves, but I'm also grinning from ear to ear. Who knew this could be fun?
Before I know it, we're off the stairs and racing into the foyer. I suspect that Edward must have pushed the mattress a little too hard. It doesn't appear we'll be slowing down anytime soon unless he stops us himself. Then, the front door swings open. Carlisle strolls in and goes from casually relaxed to visibly flabbergasted at what's zooming in his direction. A half a second later, he jumps high into the air, just like a kangaroo. The mattress plows over where he was just standing and we fly out the door, right underneath him. A laugh bubbles up from my throat. I should be ashamed for thinking that was kind of funny, but I can't help it.
The mattress leaps off the front porch and lands on the ground outside. The rougher terrain finally brings us to a skidding halt. With a soft chuckle, Edward unlocks his iron grip from around my waist and helps me to stand.
Carlisle joins us and glances downward. He winces. "Uh-oh," he says.
I look at my feet. We're standing in a flower bed...or what was once a flower bed. The mattress pretty much crushed all the plants in this area. Edward's smile vanishes. He mouths a word that I can't hear, but I'm pretty sure he just dropped a silent f-bomb.
The two of them exchange a look. Edward drags his fingers through his hair, almost yanking it out by the roots. "I know, I know," he moans. "I'll get right on it. But would you please get rid of this mattress while I'm gone?"
Carlisle nods. "Sure. I'll stick it in the tool shed for now. She hardly ever goes out there."
"Good idea." Then, Edward begins tugging me towards the garage at a dizzying pace.
"Where... are we...going?" I ask between labored breaths.
He stops only momentarily. "To the gardening center in Port Angeles. We have less than two hours before Esme gets back from her garden club meeting. And if she comes home to find one of her flower beds destroyed, she just might bury me in it as punishment."
00000000000000000000
June 8
Summer break began yesterday. It's a relief to be finally free from Forks High for a while. I don't consider it an honor to have been suddenly proclaimed worthy of the student body's notice. They had seventeen years to be decent to me. I'm not going to welcome them into my life just because they find me interesting now. So, the most I've done was make polite small talk with them those last few weeks of school. While it wasn't terrible, it wasn't fun either. At least I'll have a couple of months to relax before starting my senior year. By that time, Edward will be officially back in Forks. I'll probably get stared at and talked about even more when that happens, but I doubt I'll notice. Edward will be by my side. Who cares what everyone else thinks?
Tonight, Dad and I have dinner together. During dessert, we discuss what I have planned for this summer. I remind him that I'll be volunteering three times a week down at the library. He nods in approval. Work in any form pleases him, even if I won't be getting paid for it.
Once I'm finished washing the dishes, I head upstairs. Edward is in my bedroom and ready to begin our nightly ritual. He slips headphones on me and presses play on his Walkman. The sounds of a sultry, feminine voice and moody saxophone fills my ears.
Smooth operator
Smooth operator
Coast to coast, LA to Chicago, western male
Across the north and south to Key Largo, love for sale
He seizes my waist and we begin to dance. It's what we've done almost every night since he came back into my life. When we first began dancing a month ago, I was nervous because Charles Swan was home. I had this crazy idea that Dad possessed the psychic ability to detect musical notes being played in his house, like he could somehow sense I was breaking the law up here. My worries were unfounded. The only people who can tell that there is music playing through the Walkman are Edward (because of his super sensitive hearing) and me.
Evidently, Dad can't sense that I'm having a good time up here either. I've learned quite a few dance moves and improved my coordination skills these last few weeks. However, the dance I'm learning tonight is proving to be harder than I had anticipated. Edward calls it the rumba. I have the basic footwork of the dance down pat, but the extra dips and complicated hip shakes that make it interesting are much more difficult to master. And, it doesn't help my self esteem watching Edward move around flawlessly while I'm still occasionally stepping on his toes. It really ticks me off. He says it will take time and patience on my part. I say it will take a miracle for me to keep up with a vampire.
Oh well. At least I'm getting some exercise.
Edward spins me in place, then goes stock still. His head is cocked to the side, as though he's listening to something. After a few seconds, he glances down at me and places a finger to his mouth. He's signalling for me to keep quiet. I nod. The next thing I know, he and the Walkman are gone.
"Bella!" Dad shouts from somewhere in the house. I never expected for him to break himself from the habit of calling me "Isabella". It's both weird and a relief hearing him use my preferred name now.
I step into the hallway and look down the stairs. Dad is standing by the front door. "Yeah?"
"I just got a call from Jefferson county," he says while slipping on his gun belt. "There was a robbery at a gas station out near Kalaloch and the perpetrator is still at large. I'm going to assist in the search, and I'm not sure how long I'll be gone."
"Oh. Well...be careful then."
He grabs his uniform jacket and shrugs it on. "You too. Make sure to keep all the doors bolted. And don't leave the house tonight either. Remember, there's a criminal on the loose. You never know who might be creeping around in the dark."
I nod in understanding. Then, after a quick goodbye, he's out the door and in his patrol car.
I turn around. Edward is already behind me. "That was good advice your father gave you," he says. A smirk works its way up his mouth. "Too bad he isn't aware there's already a criminal inside his own house."
I tsk and move around him. "You're about as much of a criminal as Mister Rogers."
"I beg to differ."
Now back in my bedroom, I shrug a shoulder. "So? It isn't the first time we've had a disagreement."
"That's true. But, as much as I love our little debates, there is something else I would much rather us do tonight."
"What?"
He slowly backs away from me. Just as I'm about to ask what he's up to, he vanishes from sight.
"Edward?"
He doesn't answer.
I begin searching my bedroom. He's not in the closet, under my bed, or hiding behind any of the furniture. I step up to my window and stick my head out a little.
"Edward?" I whisper yell into the night.
His head pops out from nowhere. I squeak. He grins. He's hanging upside down from the roof. "Yes?" he says.
Immediately after I realize he has scared the living shit out of me on purpose yet again, a scowl forms on my face. I also take a whack at his chest in retaliation.
"Urg! Stop doing that, Bat Boy!" I snap.
"Bat Boy?"
"Yes. If you're going to hang from my roof like a small, winged mammal, that's exactly what I'm going to start calling you!"
He laughs. That wasn't the reaction I was hoping for.
"You are utterly adorable," he says.
"And you are irritating."
"I'm sorry. I promise I'll be on my best behavior for the rest of the night." He extends both hands towards me. He must be holding on to the roof with his legs. "Come on. I want to show you something."
"My dad said that I shouldn't leave the house."
"You're not leaving the house... you'll be on top of it. That's technically not breaking the rules."
I suck in my cheeks as I mull over his proposition. After a short time, I eye him warily. "Is what you want to show me something I'll like? Or, will it make me want to shove you off the roof?"
"I think you'll like it. Though, you can shove me off the roof too if it will make you feel any better."
My mouth twitches into a smile. I won't be taking him up on the offer, but I appreciate the sentiment behind it. "OK."
He grabs me around my waist and hoists me up. We're both standing on the roof an instant later. After I'm safely sitting down, I risk taking a look around. I notice something unusual.
"Why is it so dark?" I ask.
"I turned off the outside lights. I did it at your neighbor's house, too."
"Won't Mr. Castleberry notice?"
"No. He isn't at home. He's visiting his son for the rest of the weekend."
"The one in Seattle?"
Edward nods.
I scrunch my forehead. "I wonder why he didn't let me or Dad know he was leaving? He usually asks us to keep an eye on his house when he's gone."
"The trip was a last minute decision. His son called while you were having dinner and invited Mr. Castleberry to come over. He got tickets for a Mariners game tomorrow."
"Oh. So it was an emergency then," I say dryly. Mr. Castleberry loves baseball more than just about anyone I know. Even more than my dad, and that's saying something.
Edward chuckles. "Yes. He had his bag packed and was walking out the door within ten minutes of the phone call."
A quiet moment passes by. I tilt my head. "So...you got me outside. What was it that you wanted me to see?"
He pokes a finger upwards. "That."
I follow the direction of his pointing finger. The clouds are gone. Having the exterior lights off makes it easier to see the hundreds of twinkling pinpricks against the inky black sky.
"Whoa. The stars are beautiful tonight," I breathe out.
Edward's face is aimed up, just like mine. "I thought so too."
We study what's above our heads and settle into a peaceful silence. When a meteor streaks by from the north, I jump in place. "Did you see that?" I ask in a rush.
He hums in response.
"I haven't seen a shooting star in years." I move my head just enough to look at him. "We ought to come up here more often."
"We can if you want."
My eyes flick back to scan the sky. "Have you ever wondered what it would be like up there?"
"Where exactly?"
"On the space shuttle. Just think of all the things you might see."
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shake his head. "I prefer staying on solid ground. Floating around in outer space doesn't sound appealing to me."
"Why not?"
"I'd imagine it gets rather lonely up there," he replies.
Something in his voice grabs my attention. It sounded haunted, like he can imagine that scenario all too well. "Yeah. I guess it would be," I mumble.
"Besides," he continues, "I can see fine enough as it is from right here. I doubt it could get much better than this."
"Really? What do you see?"
He squints slightly. "The outer planets of the solar system. Galaxies. A couple hundred nebulae of varying sizes. Remember, that's where stars are born. And, I do believe that's an asteroid I see passing by."
"Where?"
He points at a seemingly empty portion of the sky. "Right there. It's a few dozen light years away."
Edward must have telescopes for eyes because I see absolutely nothing. I sigh. "That's incredible. I wish I could see like you can."
He takes my chin and moves it until our gazes cross. "And I would much rather see things the way you do."
"Why? There's nothing I can see that you can't."
He pulls me to sit on his lap. His eyes are much darker than usual due to not hunting for almost two weeks. They stare heavily into mine. "I disagree," he says. "You see the world with eyes that haven't been jaded by grim reality, Bella. You're kind, loving, and truly a good person. It's almost a crime that something as corrupt as me could barge in and take over your life."
I frown at his use of the word something as opposed to someone. "I don't see you like that at all."
"I know. That's just one of the many things which bewilders me about you. Most other humans would have recognized the danger I pose to them by now and left."
I shake my head in frustration. "Twenty minutes ago you were teaching me how to do the rumba. That doesn't exactly elicit terror," I snap. I release a breath in hopes of calming myself down. It helps a little. It gives me the ability to talk normally again. "Just...stop bad-mouthing yourself, Edward," I say more gently. "I don't like it."
He nods slowly. "Alright. I'll stop."
With a truce in place, I lay my cheek on his shoulder and watch the sky. Minutes pass. And during all that time, I keep thinking about our original conversation, the one from before our disagreement.
"You know...outer space doesn't have to be lonely," I observe aloud. "What if we imagined that we're up there together?"
He doesn't respond right away. Instead, he begins stroking my hair. It's so gentle that his fingers feel like a breeze. "Just you, me, and the stars," he says quietly to himself. Then, he nods. "Yes... you're right. That does sound nice after all."
I tilt my face up to him. "I love you."
He smiles. It's small and perfectly lopsided. "It still amazes me that I get to hear you say those words."
"Well, you better get used to it. I'm going to be saying them a lot. I don't want you to forget or anything."
"Trust me. I won't." He lowers his head until his sweet, cool breath fans over me. It makes me feel almost drunk. "And I'll do the same for you."
"Yeah?" I say, breathlessly.
He hums. "I'll remind you in every way possible."
Then his lips mold themselves to mine.
As usual, he treats me as though I am a delicate ceramic figurine. Feather light kisses accompanied by his fingers buried in my hair. So tender, so careful. But something is different tonight. The pressure of his mouth is steadily increasing. Soon, he's all but devouring me. He has said many times before that I must be cautious when we're close like this. For safety reasons, I'm supposed to keep calm. No sudden movements. Yet, I'm finding it more and more difficult to take those precautions. I ball my fists at my sides to keep from doing anything stupid, like throwing myself at him and holding on tight. Meanwhile, his mouth continues its delicious torture. It slants, and drags, and finally captures a small portion of my bottom lip. And, for a brief, wonderful moment in time, he sucks on it before releasing control of my mouth.
He's never done anything like that before.
My eyelids flutter open. His thumb is lightly caressing my cheek. I realize he is trying to be careful with me again. However, his eyes are filled with fire. Bright and all-consuming. They threaten to set me aflame.
And I am ready to burn.
"Let's go inside," I whisper.
I blink once, and during that interval, we go from stargazing on the roof to sitting on my bed. The inside lights have been turned off too. Edward is cast partially in shadow, but I can see him well enough. I want what happened outside to happen in here. Keeping my movements slow so I won't take him by surprise, our lips reconnect. One of his hands explores the curves of my body while his other holds my head in place. It feels unspeakably good, but at the same time, it's not enough. I want more.
In a moment of bravery, my knees hit the bed and I straddle him. His chest immediately stops moving. I can sense that he's nervous about me being in this position. Taking my time, I kiss his ear lobe and work my way down his neck. His posture slowly loosens. When I arrive at his shirt collar, I pull on the material, silently telling him to get rid of it. He follows my instructions. The shirt flies somewhere to our right and disappears from my thoughts. I'm too busy running my fingers over his chest to worry about where it went. I accidentally brush across a nipple. He makes a sound like a mountain lion's purr. It has me breathing heavier, but I manage to continue to work my way down. My hand finds his abdominal muscles, circles his navel, and wanders down the trail of hair that disappears into his pants.
I pause to check for signs of discomfort or stress. He appears fine. In fact, I think I see the same desire I feel reflected right back at me. So, I go further down his body. But as soon as my hand brushes against the fly of his jeans, stone fingers wrap themselves like handcuffs around my wrist.
I glance up at Edward. His expression is suddenly tense, frown lines forming around his mouth. "That isn't..." He sighs. "I'm sorry, but we can't do that. I'm putting you at enough risk as it is."
"Why can't we? I don't understand how it would be much different from when you kiss me."
"Kissing is tame compared to sex, Bella."
Hearing him say the word so bluntly causes a small amount of shyness to creep inside of me. I can't quite look him in the eyes when I give him my reply. "I know kissing is tame. That's why I want us to do more."
He shakes his head, but I catch a passing smirk on his face. "That's not what I meant and you know it," he says. His amusement fades. "I have to watch myself every moment when I'm with you. My self control must be above reproach, and I'm afraid I won't have much of that in the heat of the moment." He reaches out to touch my face. "I could break your bones...or worse. So, if kissing you is all I am allowed to do, I will gladly take it."
"Really? All you want is a kiss from me here or there? You'll never want more?"
He grows quiet. That's when I detect that same gleam from earlier in his eyes again. It's pure fire scorching me with every glance. Although he didn't say anything, his answer is clear. He wants more, too. My hand slides up his chest and hooks around his neck. His skin is cold and hard, like the surface of a frozen pond.
Fire and ice. A perfect combination.
I press a kiss to his lips and let it linger there. He doesn't move except to tighten his grip around my waist. I come up for air eventually and gaze into his eyes. "You said you wanted me to do everything," I remind him. "You wanted me to live my life the way I've always dreamed and try new things. Well, I want to do everything... with you."
"Bella..."
I shut him up with a finger to his lips. "I'm not asking for the world, Edward. If we're...you know...and you decide you're not comfortable, then fine. But saying we can't do it just because you 'think' you might hurt me isn't a good enough reason. All I want is for us to try." I remove my finger from his mouth. "Please?"
His eyes zero in on me and stay in place. After what feels like a lifetime, his shoulders droop. "I can't seem to deny you anything," he says softly.
I smile. He doesn't. There's still concern on his face.
"We would have to go slow," he continues.
I nod eagerly. "OK."
"And if at any moment I feel as though I might lose control, we would have to stop."
"Of course."
"Plus, if I were to hurt you, you would have to tell me."
"Sure. I'll tell you right away."
He stares long and hard before speaking again. "Are you sure about this, Bella?"
"I'm sure about you." I inch closer until my lips are almost brushing against his. "So, yes. I am."
He closes the distance and I'm soon lost to the sensation of his kiss. It's cool, and as sweet as honey. His mouth eventually wanders away from mine. It travels wherever it wants, which is great since I want to feel it everywhere. When he reaches my collarbone, I fumble to unbutton my blouse. He steps in and does it for me. Then, my shirt disappears so fast, for a second, I wonder if it had ever existed. In the same instant, he lays me down on the bed. His eyes rake over me like burning coals, causing my heart to race. But when his gaze reaches my chest, his eyes stop and refuse to move on. He stares like an unblinking statue. I look down at myself. I grimace at what I see. My simple, cotton-white bra is nothing to brag about. It's similar to what you'd find in the young girl's section at a Sears. I should have found something better to wear tonight, something more alluring.
"Is there something wrong?" I ask him, barely concealing my embarrassment.
The sound of my voice reawakens him. His eyes fly to mine. "No," he says. "I...am blown away by you. I'm finding it difficult to think clearly."
His declaration fills me with smug happiness. He likes what he sees. It isn't often that Edward is nearly speechless.
He goes to hover over me. His nose and mouth skims over my thin cotton bra. I flinch for only a moment before relaxing. The cool breaths he exhales has my nipples becoming as hard as pebbles. Soon, the fabric is pulled away and discarded. So are the rest of our clothes. I'm stripped of everything and can hide nothing from him. I can't find it in me to care that I am exposed. It feels natural to be this way with him, like his lips belong on that spot on my hipbone. With nothing between us, my legs wrap instinctively around his waist. I know that's where they belong, too. But when he pries away one leg and places it on the mattress, I open my mouth to complain. What he does next causes my outrage to die in my throat. His fingers sweep over and past my breasts and glide down between my legs. My jaw falls open at the foreign touch. It feels good - so good that I almost forget how to breathe. Night air blows through my opened window. It helps to cool my warm skin but not the growing heat building up inside of me.
His feather light touches turn firmer and more determined. My thoughts become disjointed. My ability to speak is gone. I can groan and that's about it. But when my knees shake, I give out a sharp cry into the darkness and can't seem to stop. Wave after wave of bliss crashes into my body. I drown in the torrent of emotions overwhelming me.
After an eternity, I float to the surface.
I open my eyes, chest still heaving. Edward wipes the light sheen of sweat from my brow. The sweetness of the gesture has me wrapping my arms around his neck. He kisses me back. And just like that, I'm ready for more. I want everything he can give me.
Our mouths move faster. Our hands roam and knead one another's flesh. Both of my legs remain locked around him. His erection settles at my core. The feel of it sends a shiver through me. As it rubs against my folds, I throw my head back and moan.
Edward immediately freezes.
He gradually raises himself above me, lifting his lips away from the hollow of my throat. I meet his gaze. His eyes have grown pitch black, darker than the night sky we had been admiring earlier. I've never seen them this color before.
"I should have hunted before we tried this," he says.
"Are you OK?"
He nods. "I'll be fine. It's just...very hard to stay in control."
"Is it because of my blood? Am I making you thirsty?"
"Partly, yes. But the lust isn't helping my self-control either."
My eyebrows lift. "Lust?"
"Yes," he answers. He closes his eyes for a moment. "I wasn't anticipating it to be this strong."
I hold my head a little higher.
Look at me. I have the ability to drive a vampire crazy. Evidently, I am more desirable than I thought.
"At least I'll know what to expect next time," he concludes a moment later.
I arch my brow at him in mock offense. "Next time?" I repeat.
He looks confused for a second. Then, he frowns at himself. "Excuse me. I suppose I shouldn't have presumed there would be a next time."
I smile and kiss the tip of his nose. "I was kidding, Edward. There most definitely will be a next time."
His black eyes flash in the darkness. "Are you sure?"
I nod. "Yes. And I think we should practice. A lot. It will make it easier on you."
"What will this 'practicing' consist of?"
I sit up and kiss his Adam's apple. "This," I reply. Then my hungry lips slide down, from his throat to his ribcage, distributing open-mouthed kisses all along the way. "And this. And this. And this..."
I hear a sound vibrate deep within his chest. He gently pushes me away. "I need to calm down and you're not helping."
I look at him from underneath my eyelashes. It's the best seductive look I can come up with on such short notice. "What? I was only practicing."
He flops back into the mattress and lets out a long sigh. "I see that I've created a monster," he mumbles under his breath.
I laugh. He locks eyes with me and cracks a crooked smile.
I think I'm going to enjoy practicing.
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A/N- Nope. There won't be any hybrid babies in THIS story.
Songs used in this chapter-
Rock Me Like a Hurricane by Scorpions. These guys have a ton of hits yet STILL haven't been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. This is a crime that must be corrected.
Smooth Operator by Sade. This is a seductive, jazzy song from the '80s that may or may not attract a dancing vegetarian vampire to your house. If you're single, it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot and play it at least once.
(And in case you didn't know) Soundgarden was a pioneering grunge rock band that was founded in Seattle in 1985. Before Nirvana and Kurt Cobain, there was Soundgarden and Chris Cornell. It makes me inordinately happy to think that Bella and Edward were able to attend a Soundgarden concert before the grunge movement took off in the '90s.
Next Chapter- I hope you enjoyed this light-hearted (probably bordering on crack fic) chapter as much as I did writing it. Because, umm... the sunshine and rainbows won't be as noticeable for a while. Buckle your seatbelts, folks. Things are about to get a little bumpy. (Sorry.)
Thanks for reading! :-)