Sacrifice

Months passed. Day after day, I assisted Heisenberg. Six days a week of mechanical work, one day of "groceries". On and on it went. Since my success with the engine, I was trusted with more personal projects.

"The bike needs a tune up. Make sure she's in working order. You can even take her for a spin if you have to check." Heisenberg was just as matter of fact about it as everything else.

"But…"

"Is there a problem?"

"You said I couldn't touch it."

He sighed. "The rules aren't absolute. If I'm telling you to work on it, that means you can touch it."

"…Right."

"Don't be scared. If you're not dumb, it won't hurt ya."

How could I not be scared? The only things he ever let me work on were pieces of scrap. If he was trusting me with something that he personally used, then any error could mean losing my head. But he was the boss.

The next puzzle was figuring out what he meant by a tune up. When was the last time he used the bike? Was there one problem to address or several? How would I know what to look for? I was on my own as usual. The only way to know was to try it.

Turning it on was plenty enough to test my nerves. There was no way I was about to "take her for a spin". Riding a living creature is far easier than riding an inanimate object. I'm sure Heisenberg would argue the opposite, but what would a gearhead like him know?

Brake pads, tire punctures, tension belts, fuel system malfunctions, engine problems… Day by day, I uncovered more issues. If this was how Heisenberg treated his "babies", he should never be a father. The bike became a pity project; the poor thing was just so neglected.

When Heisenberg came to check on my progress, he whistled.

"I did my best," I said, "I don't really know anything about−"

"Quit with the doubts already, would you? How many jobs do I have to give you?"

I shifted my eyes away from his gaze as I folded my hands in front of me. "I'm sorry."

He stared at me for a moment, his jaw shifting. Finally, he turned around and shook his head in annoyance as he perched his cigar between his fingers. I never knew that someone could be irritated by an apology.

But that interaction, that project, opened my eyes. I had been plagued by nothing but doubts since my arrival at the factory. It was the same when Tată started teaching me. Even if I managed to do something right, I told myself it was just a fluke, that no one should trust me with their equipment. Every time, Tată told me he was proud, that he couldn't have asked for a better child. Hearing those encouraging words every day put my lack of confidence at bay, but only in the small confines of my craft.

I stared at the bike again. What a shame… Tată's words had been wasted. He gave them to me despite the pain he felt. He wanted another child, but all he had was me. He could have been cruel, resentful, and bitter toward me. He could have blamed me for soiling Mamă's body. But he gave me kindness and support instead. I couldn't waste that.

I promise I won't let you down, Tată.

That single vow was my first active step toward evolution.

One day, Duke arrived at the factory for his usual stop.

"Hello, Lipa! How are you faring?"

"Hi, Duke. Same as usual. I'm still alive, so I guess that says something."

Duke chuckled. "It most certainly does. I must admit, every time I come up here, I'm worried you may be absent."

"I guess I've proven myself useful."

"Indeed, you have. By the way, do you happen to know the date?"

The date? The seasons were the only thing that helped me keep track of time anymore.

"No? Your mother thought this might happen. You've forgotten your birthday again, haven't you?"

"My… birthday?" Impossible. If it was my birthday, that meant…

"Here: I have a gift for you. Two, actually! After all, it's not just your birthday. You've been working for Lord Heisenberg for a year now. That's quite a feat!"

A year… a whole year since I left home. The pain of solitude that was swayed by Heisenberg's tasks returned as I remembered what my life used to be like. I hadn't seen Mamă's smiling face in the morning, eaten her delicate meals, watched the sun retreat behind the mountains with her, bid her good night…in a year.

My chest tightened as I watched Duke pull items from his carriage, my face caught in a frown.

"I brought this at your mother's behest. She worried that you might be feeling a little homesick, so she made it from scratch."

A cake, almost identical to the one from last year. But the decorations were more pronounced. The bottom rim was flourished with red and white frosted flower petals. A frosted rose sat on the top, blooming toward the sky. A note came along with it as well.

Duke reached back into the carriage for the next gift. When he turned back around, he presented me with a rectangular box wrapped in a blue silk ribbon.

"Congratulations on a job well done! I say a year with Heisenberg deserves much more fanfare, but hopefully these will bring you some joy."

"Thank you, Duke..." I took the gifts with trembling hands. I didn't dare read the note then. If I was going to cry, I would do it in the freedom of privacy.

"Take care, Lipa." With that, Duke and Benjamin were on their way once again.

My feet went numb as I walked back to the barn. Daria walked to me, drawn by the scent of the cake. I ignored her and set it on the ground along with the box. I stared at the envelope in my hands. Lipa. I took a deep breath before ripping it open and unfolding the letter inside.

To my angel Lipa,

I think of you every day. I know that the situation isn't perfect, but Duke tells me you are

making the most of it. Hearing that you are alive and well is more than enough for me. It pains me

that I can't be with you for your special day this year, but I hope this cake can give you a slice of

home. I know you must be frustrated and confused by all this but keep being good for Lord

Heisenberg. One day, I'll explain everything. But that day may not come for a while. Do your best in

the meantime. You continue to be my pride and joy. And don't worry; Elise's chickens are well fed in

your absence.

Love Always,

Mamă

Tears dripped onto the page. Once I hit the last word, I broke into sobs. Why did she have to remind me that I was alone? Why did she have to tell me she missed me? Why couldn't she just come visit me if she missed me so much? Surely Heisenberg or Duke would be able to arrange a meeting. Why all the secrecy? If she really loved me, then why did she send me away? Part of me wished I hadn't read the letter at all. The sentiment was almost insulting. Why was there a need to hide? What was all this about? How long did she expect me to stay at the factory? Her or Heisenberg would give me an answer; they could give it up willingly or forcefully, but they would give it up eventually. I wouldn't continue to live like that.

Once my breathing was calmed, I wiped my face with my sleeves. Well, at least there was cake. And Duke was kind enough to provide candles and silverware. As I lit the candles, I remembered my wish. It seemed more impossible to reach than ever, but I had to try. I didn't actually believe that some unseen force would magically make it come true if I kept wishing for it. No, it was a wish for myself, a reminder of what I wanted to accomplish. I would obtain it by my own hands. I blew out the candles and read the wish again in my mind just as I had the past year.

But the fulfillment could wait. Sugar was more suitable for comfort than ambition. Don't be mistaken; I was bitter towards Mamă at the time, but I still loved her, and I wasn't about to let her cake go to waste. I was never in such a foul mood that I couldn't appreciate hard work.

After eating a slice, I turned to the mysterious box. I opened its lid to reveal a gorgeous, long, emerald green dress. It was soft to the touch and accented with tiny beads. It was the type of dress I imagine royalty would wear. Had Mamă made it herself? The amount of time it must've taken to make it… Was she inspired by my childhood dream of becoming a princess? Maybe this was her way of telling me that I could still meet my prince and live happily ever after. Yeah, right. But that dress did spark the same giddiness I had as a kid. I desperately wanted to try it on, but it would get ruined in such a rustic atmosphere... Oh well. I would just have to save it for a special occasion.

The next day, I went on my usual errand trip for Heisenberg.

"Oh, while you're out, feel free to get yourself something nice. But don't get caught."

"…I won't. Thank you." Funny. Why had he picked that day of all days to say such a thing? He hadn't mentioned my birthday…

"You still home sick, buttercup?" he asked.

Should I admit defeat and say yes, or puff out my chest and act brave? Ah, what the hell, there was really no point in lying. He already knew the answer.

"A little," I answered.

"What's there to miss about that dump? There's nothing but overbearing assholes and cranky hags."

I opened my mouth, ready to defend the people he was accusing, but… he wasn't wrong. I didn't understand most of the people in the village. Try as I might to connect with them, we all seemed to have a fundamental difference between us that couldn't be breached. The disconnect had grown since Tată died. Mamă and I weren't exactly popular from then on. Even before that, when it was revealed that Mamă could no longer conceive, there were whispers of a curse befalling us. Tată's death was the link needed to prove those theories. From then on, we'd always get rotten glares from many of the villagers. Only a few people, such as our neighbors and Oskar's family, remained kind. The rest of them berated us, demanded we repent for our sins. What's the point in subscribing to a faith that resents you?

"You're right; there isn't much to see," I replied.

"Would you look at that! You finally coming around?"

"Yes, I just… didn't wanna see it."

The route took me right where I didn't want to be: close to home. I tried to focus on Heisenberg's voice to remind myself why I was there. But as soon as I saw Daria's stable, my heart sank. Just keep your feet moving, Lipa.

Through the kitchen window, I caught a glimpse of Mamă's apron. She was hanging it back on its post by the stove.

Mamă… The word pushed against my throat and threatened to bust out. I swallowed it, knowing what would happen if it escaped.

"Well, get your trip done so you can get away from that eye sore. I'm sure I don't have to persuade you though, do I?"

Shut up, Heisenberg. My feet crept towards the back door. I glanced around to see if any windows remained lit. It was late enough in the evening that everyone had retired to prepare for the next day. I slowly moved forward.

"Lipa? Lipa, what the fuck are you−"

I said shut up. I turned the radio's volume knob until it clicked.

I crouched just beside the window. Mamă was walking towards her room. I stood up to get a closer look. I looked down at the window's latch. She'd forgotten to lock it... What if I just snuck in for a moment? Heisenberg did tell me I could get something nice if I wasn't caught. If that "something nice'' was a conversation, then the person I was talking to wouldn't count as "catching" me, right? Acting on emotion, I pulled the window open and shuffled inside. Mamă was still rummaging in her room, probably preparing for bed. She could stay awake a little longer for a surprise. My heart raced as I carefully stepped through the kitchen.

That's when I saw it. It was sitting on the table, clear as day. My palms started to sweat. I looked down at my belt to make sure my radio was still attached. Sure enough, there it was, still muted. Then why was there another one just like it in my house?

A knock wrapped against the front door. Quick as a rabbit, I retreated back to the window. Mamă's footsteps pressed against the floor as she went to answer.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Good evening, Mrs. Tarnicerin. Is your daughter home?" It was a woman's voice I didn't recognize.

"…No. She's… still... out."

"…I see. As you are aware, Lady Dimitrescu is in desperate need of servants. Your daughter is a viable candidate. Serving under House Dimitrescu is an incredible honor. But if you haven't been able to contact Ms. Tarnicerin, then you will have to serve in her place."

House Dimitrescu… servants… Mamă was being asked to go to the castle. But…

"I understand. My deepest apologies for keeping Lady Dimitrescu waiting. I will pack a bag and leave with you immediately."

No… she couldn't! If she went to that castle, then…

"Wait!" I ran to the hallway.

They all jumped at the sight of me. Mamă's eyes went wide, her face pallid.

"Who are you?" The front servant asked as she searched me with her eyes.

"I'm Lipa: Lipa Tarnicerin. Please, take me instead. I'll gladly serve under Lady Dimitrescu."

"Lipa!" Mamă hissed.

The two servants looked at each other. "Very well. Pack your things; we'll leave for the castle momentarily."

"Yes, ma'am."

The women turned from the entrance and back to the carriage they'd arrived in. Mamă hurriedly shut the door before grabbing me by the arms.

"Lipa, what are you doing here?! Go, run as fast as you can back to Lord Heisenberg!"

"Why, so I can stand and watch you get taken away?! You know what people say about that place!"

"It doesn't matter what happens to me! You have to−"

"Don't say that! I'm going, whether you like it or not!"

Without another word, I broke from Mamă's grasp and removed the radio from my waist. I pushed it into her palm as I walked toward the door.

"Lipa, please!" She grabbed at me again.

I shrugged her off and went outside. Without looking back, I stepped into the carriage.