Pretend nothing happened

Evergreen would have killed him. It was the second time Freed had disappeared and left in the middle of the night without telling them where. This time at least he had sent them a message, writing them that he was fine and that they shouldn't worry. That he'd come back to get his things and find another apartment.

Despite this, the girl had slept little, also because Laxus had been intractable all evening. She honestly didn't understand them. Bickslow put a cup of coffee in front of her and sat down on the table eating a croissant.

"Freed won't come back, will he?" he asked.

"I don't think so," Evergreen replied, texting his friend. He didn't answer her calls, but at least he wrote them. She put down the phone partly realizing that her friend wouldn't have said anything more to her. "You say we exaggerated?" she then asked. Bickslow snorted.

"A little," he admitted, "I just thought a little push would do them good."

"Yeah, I thought so too," Evergreen said in a sigh. "Maybe they'll never go back to the way they used to be," she added sadly. The point was, she didn't understand what had happened between them. She had come up with multiple scenarios, but she hadn't been able to confirm any of them.

Of only one thing she was certain, both were looking for each other and both were missing. She knew Laxus missed Freed, she saw him every time they mentioned the old high school days. And Bickslow had told her the same about Freed. And lately she too had noticed. Also, until the night before, Freed had stayed in their apartment. That surely meant something.

But neither of them wanted to take the first step. And she just wanted to help them, but not knowing what had happened was difficult. Laxus was like a wall and Freed… well, Freed was worse.

She picked up the phone and wrote to Freed agreeing to see each other that morning. Evergreen would bring him some clothes, she hoped Freed would finally talk to her, but she honestly didn't have much hope anymore. She finished her coffee and then got ready to leave. She took some of her friend's stuff into a bag and then turned to Laxus's room. The door was ajar. She pushed it lightly and noticed that the boy wasn't home.

"Hey Bix, where did Laxus go?" she asked. She thought he was still sleeping with a hangover. The friend appeared in the corridor.

"He's not in his room?" he asked surprised.

"No," the girl said, pointing to the unmade and empty bed. The two glanced at each other and then Bickslow, sighing heavily, called his friend, just hoping that he hadn't decided to leave too.

Laxus had now been sitting on his grandfather's sofa for twenty minutes, saying nothing, despite having gone there for a very specific reason. At least Makarov knew him enough not to rush him. He had brought him a freshly squeezed orange juice and then sat in the armchair, chatting about this and that and watching TV.

Laxus sighed in annoyance and ran a hand through his hair, thinking back to the fight he had had the night before with Evergreen and Bickslow. He had exaggerated, he knew it. And he had regretted quite a lot especially how he had yelled at Evergreen. And Freed too, to be honest. Because although he hadn't wanted to think about it until then, he had realized that he hadn't behaved as he should have done either. He hated to admit it, but that was it. He'd been the one who screwed it up, kissing his best friend three years ago and slipping his hands down his pants.

He put his hands in front of his face and didn't notice how Makarov was staring at him in anticipation, until the old man turned the volume down on the TV so that it was just background.

"What happens?" he asked.

"I had a fight with Bix and Ever," Laxus explained, moving his hands by his hair up to the nape of his neck and glancing at his grandfather.

"And they kicked you out of the apartment?" Makarov asked.

"No," Laxus said, shaking his head. "I left. I was... a bit short-tempered," he admitted.

"Well, you've argued several times with them. They know your temper, I wouldn't worry about it," the man said. Evidently, he had already understood that it was another reason why Laxus was there, why Laxus was fretting. The blond evaluated the words before saying them, but he realized that there was no good way to do it.

"I also had a fight with Freed," he admitted at that point. Makarov knew that he shared an apartment with Evergreen and Bickslow so as not to make the train ride to university every day, and he also knew that Freed had been back for a couple of months. Laxus had told him a few weeks ago, but he had refused to say more.

"Why?" Makarov asked.

"Because... I don't know," he snapped. Makarov raised an eyebrow and Laxus turned his gaze to the window. He hated admitting it out loud. Freed influenced him more than he ever thought. Since three years. Indeed, for more than three years. It had always been like this, only... if he realized it late. When Freed had got on the plane and left to Germany. "Because he went away for three years without telling me anything. He didn't warn me or greet me." he snapped. He couldn't say anything else aloud, because if he had admitted it...

"Were you together?" Makarov asked. Laxus's eyes widened slightly.

"What?" he whispered. "No, we... we were just friends."

"Friends who spent their afternoons making out?" Makarov asked. Laxus looked up at his grandfather, surprised and speechless. How the hell did he know? The old man smiled slightly. "Do you think I didn't know what you were doing in the upstairs room when I was leaving you alone?" he asked softly. Laxus remained silent and only after a while did he find his voice again.

"We were just friends anyway," he repeated. That was true. Makarov frowned and peered into his face, evidently waiting for the sequel. Laxus sighed in annoyance. The old man knew now, besides, it wasn't that it could have been worse than that. He leaned back on the sofa and crossed his arms.

"Well, we made out. Very. And we acted like boyfriends. But only when we were drinking," he specified. "It was… such a thing," he added with a shrug. "We were drunk, we had some fun, and then we pretended nothing happened," he explained. Makarov nodded thoughtfully.

"So, you never talked about it?".

"No," Laxus grunted. Then he thought about it. "Well, maybe once, but it wasn't a real conversation," he said, scratching the back of his neck. Makarov waited for him to explain exactly what they had said to each other and the blond did. Even though three years had passed, he remembered it well. How could he forget something like that? Besides, it's not like they were drunk. Not that time. The more he talked, the more he realized that he had been an asshole.

But he tried to fucking fix it. He had filled Freed with calls, messages, and his friend had never answered him. He was gone without even wanting to try to solve. Maybe Freed was right. Laxus put his head in his hands and was silent as he finished throwing everything out. He dared not look his grandfather in his eyes, thinking he'd be disappointed.

"Look Laxus, you were a kid," Makarov began. "And you were both young and stupid, you both acted stupid. But now Freed's here, and now that he's here you should talk to him."

"He doesn't want to," Laxus grunted. Whenever Freed started, he walked away. He had left the first time he had set foot in the apartment, he had left the night before. Damn, he still hated him. And Laxus knew that he deserved it a little.

"Have you ever tried to do it calmly?" Makarov asked. Laxus was silent for a moment without saying anything. He hadn't done it. Because with Freed it was difficult to talk calmly, just having him around made him pissed off. He always felt that desire to throw a punch at him, to make him understand how he was hurt to know he was in Germany without a shred of greeting. Wanting Freed to feel as bad as he felt at the time.

"Look, the only thing that can help you is being honest about your feelings," Makarov said. "If it goes wrong, never mind. But always better than staying like this".

Laxus knew the old man was right.

Freed and Laxus still hadn't spoken to each other that afternoon. They had gone out together, had skateboarded around the park but never looked each other in the eye. They had also avoided touching each other, which was strange, since up until a week before they couldn't wait to be alone just to rub on each other.

Laxus jumped around the skatepark trying not to think about what Freed had done and said that morning, but it was hard. Damn difficult. He still remembered how Natsu had approached curious and how he had asked Freed if he was gay.

And Freed nodded.

He just said yes.

It still baffled Laxus. He knew, of course. Damn, it was obvious that he knew, they kissed every time they could, even if Laxus persisted in pretending nothing happened. But he didn't think he would admit it like that, in front of everyone, as if nothing had happened. He hadn't said anything about Laxus, but given how close they were, then people would start talking. And he didn't want to.

Besides, it's not like he had anything to say. He wasn't gay. He made out with Freed because he was a friend, friends did something like that, he... he was just confused. Bloody confused.

That's why when Natsu asked him the same question, Laxus laughed and said he was with Jenny. He wasn't with her, he hadn't seen her for quite a while and maybe his classmates knew it, but he didn't care. It was better that they thought he had been dumped by her, rather than the other way around. Rather than him… he didn't dare think about it.

Frustrated Laxus threw his skateboard aside and left the park, sitting on the ground and lighting a cigarette. He glanced at Freed still wandering around the park and immediately regretted it. He just wanted to go to him, grab him and take him to a place where no one could see them, then kiss him and hold him, and pretend it was all normal. Being with him and locking themselves in a room pretending the world doesn't exist. That it was just them.

He looked down at the grass and swallowed nervously. What the hell was wrong with him? Why couldn't he stop thinking about his friend? Why couldn't he go out with Jenny or any other girl? Why couldn't he say aloud what Freed had said?

He was so immersed in his own thoughts that he didn't notice that his friend had approached him.

"Are you angry with me?" Freed asked standing in front of him, with the skateboard under his arm. Laxus shook his head but refused to speak and look up. "Listen... I won't tell either of us but ... may I know… what we are?" his friend asked and Laxus suddenly stiffened.

"What do you mean?" he asked with a dry throat.

"I mean... what we do..." Freed stammered.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Laxus said dryly. Freed froze. Laxus didn't dare to look up, realizing immediately that he had been an asshole. He tried to fix it. "Look, what… what we do" he began, not daring to say aloud what they were doing "We do it just because we're drunk, because when we're drunk, we do stupid and senseless things. I mean, I don't remember half of the things we do and I don't… I'm not gay. I've nothing against you, but... I'm not like you. I'm with Jenny," he said awkwardly, staring at the cigarette between his fingers. That's why he didn't want to talk about it. Because then he didn't know what to say. Because his words all seemed wrong.

Freed said nothing for several seconds. In those seconds Laxus felt he was dying, almost hoping that his friend would throw a punch at him and tell him to wake up. Or that he would hug him and tell him he understood him. But Freed didn't do any of that.

"Ok," he only whispered.

Laxus then looked up, noticing how his friend was staring at the park in front of them. Just ok? Laxus had thought he wanted to know more, and now he didn't know whether to be relieved at that reaction. He wasn't. He would have preferred that Freed insist, that he insult him, or that he have any other reaction. Anything would have been better. Better than that word that made it clear that Freed wasn't interested in him that much.

"I'm going home," Freed said and put the skateboard on the ground, got on it and pushed himself with one foot, walking away from there. Laxus didn't stop him, just watched as he sped off down the street, his hair fluttering in the wind.

As soon as he got home, Freed had shiny eyes and streaked cheeks. He had been running around town on his skateboard avoiding the busiest areas and getting to his apartment as quickly as possible. He ran up the stairs and as soon as he was inside, he locked himself in his room, throwing the skateboard on the ground and throwing himself on the bed.

Why? Why had he done it? Why had he asked Laxus what they were? What had he expected? That he declared his love for him? Kiss him and tell him they were engaged? He threw his head on the pillow and heard new sobs rise up. He hated him. He hated him and he hated himself. What had he been thinking? That just kissing Laxus made him his boyfriend?

He tried to control his breathing and turned on his stomach, staring at the ceiling. He was a fool. He had completely fallen in love with his best friend and now he had made it worse. As if it weren't bad already. As if kissing him every time they were tipsy didn't hurt him enough already. He had thought...

He had thought wrong, that's all. Laxus wasn't in love with him. He didn't care. It was just a momentary release, just fun. Maybe he liked boys, or maybe it was just a stupid thing he did when he was drunk without thinking.

Why must he have fallen in love with Laxus with all people? Why he?

He closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his eyelids so as not to start crying again. With a shaky breath he reached for the phone and took it, deciding he couldn't go on like this. That he could no longer see Laxus. He was too sick. He had to go.

He entered the chat with his father and reread the message he had sent him a few months earlier, sending him the program of a university in Germany. Perhaps that would have been the best idea. Starting a new life away from Magnolia. Away from Laxus. The very thought made him feel bad.

And then how would he tell him? He had planned all summer with Laxus, they had decided that one week Freed would go to Laxus' grandfather's country house. The next week they would go to the beach in Hargeon with Freed's mother. Then they would stay in Magnolia together for a while and then they would go camping together, and then...

Freed began to feel sick. He didn't want to get away from Laxus. Maybe he could do it. If they hadn't kissed again, if they hadn't seen each other as before, maybe he would be able to get over it.

He turned off the phone and put it aside. He would wait for school to finish and decide, based on how things would change with Laxus.

What he didn't expect was to see the blonde go out and kiss Jenny a few days later. The afternoons he and Laxus spent together dwindled more and more. Laxus no longer spoke to him as before, he was careful not to touch him too much, he always invited Jenny when they went out together. They kissed all the time and Freed couldn't help but feel his heart breaking every time he saw them.

Until the afternoons were just a memory, because Laxus apparently preferred spending time with Jenny rather than him. The last two weeks of high school were terrible for Freed, who couldn't wait to leave Magnolia forever.

As soon as the final year exams were over, Freed called his father who paid him the ticket to Germany. Freed couldn't even tell Laxus, he didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. He didn't even tell Bickslow, or Evergreen. Only a few days later he would write to Bickslow, and he would have blocked Laxus on all social networks.

Notes: With this chapter the flashbacks are over. From the next there will be only parts about the present (and I assure you that in the next chapters they will talk). I hope you continue to like it.