A/N so I was having a little trouble deciding when this fic should be set… because I started this so long ago I guess it was originally set around season 2… but that doesn't really work for me as I plan to eventually introduce some more recent characters… so hopefully it doesn't confuse too many people, but I figured we will carry on from Sunday night's episode-ish… it's just for some plot references and characters. Anyway… now that exams are over and I'm officially finished school (yay!) I should be updating more often =]

Omg before I start with the story… I am so angry at Jane atm! He is being such a bastard this season! Cant he see he's hurting everyone around him!? grrr. I'm not happy with him at all!

Anywho…

Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers and followers! You guys are the reason I continue to write =] x

Lisbon continued to get sick for the better part of an hour. Around midnight, the vomiting seemed to cease and Lisbon was able to finally get some real sleep. A nurse came in to change her saline drip and check her vitals around four in the morning, and noticed Jane struggling to keep his eyes open.

Jane had hissed and roared at the doctors when they had tried to make him leave at the end of visiting hours, and eventually, probably to avoid a scene, they allowed him to stay on the old recliner.

"Why don't you lay back and get some sleep?" the old nurse whispered quietly, as she filled out Lisbon's charts.

Jane blinked and looked at the woman as if he hadn't even noticed her presence. He cleared his throat and shifted into a more comfortable position.

"No, no… that's ok. I want to be there when she wakes up."

The old nurse smiled kindly.

"And you will be. No use running yourself into the ground in the process though."

Jane smiled tiredly and took Lisbon's hand softly in his.

"No, that's ok… thank you… for your concern."

The nurse chuckled slightly as she replaced the chart on the end of Lisbon's bed.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked kindly.

Jane felt touched that she would go out of her way to make him feel more comfortable, when he wasn't even her patient… and he wasn't even supposed to be here.

Making a decision he was sure to regret, he nodded and asked for a coffee. Tea had nowhere near enough caffeine in it to keep him going. The nurse nodded and made her way out to the nurse's station. When she returned a couple of minutes later, she was met with the sight of bloodshot eyes and a pale ragged complexion.

"How long have you been awake Mr Jane… truthfully." She asked handing the coffee to him.

Jane nodded his thanks with a small smile on his face.

"The honest answer… I haven't slept in ten years. The answer your probably looking for… I haven't napped in a couple of nights… except the couple of minutes I got during the evening." Jane chuckled at the nurses raised eyebrows. "I've had insomnia for a very long time. It's not something you get used to… but I've learned to manage it."

"They have pills for that these days Mr Jane."

Jane smiled sadly.

"I know." That was all he was going to give. He wasn't about to tell her that the pills didn't stop the nightmares. If anything they made them worse, trapping him in sleep, with no way of waking to rid yourself of the inevitable pain at the end of every dream.

When the nurse realised that was all she was going to get out of him, she nodded sympathetically in his direction.

"Take care of Ms Lisbon for me. Ring the buzzer if you need anything. I'll be back in a couple of hours." She said leaving the room.

Jane nodded, the small smile returning to his face. He liked the nurse. She had probably worked in Paediatrics for most of her career. That would explain the rosy apple to her cheek and the mother hen grin she couldn't wipe off her face.

Jane was beginning to enjoy playing husband to Lisbon. He hadn't quite told her that the hospital staff still thought they were married… it was much more fun this way. Besides, she wasn't a very good actor anyway and she would ruin his cover… and then he would probably be escorted from the hospital… and where would that leave Lisbon? He needed to protect her from the Coats with pointy things.

He shook his head slightly at the thought… ok so maybe she had been right about his fear of needles. Sure they contained medication that would help Lisbon get better… but his experience with them only brought a heavy fog of darkness on his brain and a white room… nope… he really doesn't like needles.

He sipped the vile drink, his nose screwing up at the bitter taste. Coffee had never sat well with him, it had always felt like mud in his mouth and made him shake from the caffeine overdose. But he wanted… or he needed… to stay awake in case Lisbon needed him. There was a chance that if he fell asleep now, he wouldn't wake up for days, and then where would either of them be?

Jane finished his coffee in a couple of forced gulps, before discarding the cup on the bedside table and sitting back in the chair. He sat there watching Lisbon for a while, allowing himself a small moment of a naughty reprieve as he thought about what it would be like to actually be married to his boss. He imagined the house, the white picket fence, Teresa blossoming with child as she leant up to kiss his cheek at the end of the working day… he shook his head. As much as he liked to fantasise about such things, it was wrong for him to do so. Red John still had to be caught before he could even think about moving on… although he would love nothing more than to get down on one knee and ask her for real.

He sighed, rubbing his hands over his tired eyes. When would he get to rest? Would there ever be a time when he could sleep properly again? Surely after Red John was caught the nightmares would diminish?

He knew it wouldn't be fair to ask this of her, but he also hoped that Lisbon would still be there, waiting for him, once he was free of his demons.

Was it even still worth it anymore?

He fiddled with his wedding ring and felt immediately guilty that the thought had even crossed his mind. No. He needed to avenge his wife and daughter. No matter what it took. But he did have to admit that his hallucination of Charlotte had opened his eyes to a few things. He did want to feel happy again, and Lisbon is the only person who truly knows him. Even if he did accommodate the idea of giving up on Red John, he knows far too well that Red John would never give up on him. This game of cat and mouse that they have going on, seems to be Red John's favourite pastime, and he wouldn't want to lose his star 'torturee'. Like a toddler wanting attention, Red John would throw some sort of tantrum and end up wrecking more lives unnecessarily.

No… better he just play along like a good little boy, and hopefully no one else will need to get hurt.

He could feel his thoughts going in circles and beginning to jumble from the caffeine and lack of sleep. He sighed, and willed his brain to calm down a little. When his thoughts kept buzzing around his mind, he deemed calmness to be too far away to reach, and gave up, studying the small woman in the bed instead.

Under the florescent light, Jane could see her freckles prominent on her cheekbones, in stark comparison to her pale skin. If Jane didn't know better, he would think that she spent a good ten minutes in the morning trying to cover her freckles in attempt to mask her self-consciousness towards them. He knew that Lisbon wasn't one for vanity… but he had been noticing small changes to her appearance lately. She had been wearing her hair out more often… and by the look of things, she actually had been beginning to spend a little more time on her appearance in the mornings.

Jane sat in the recliner for the next two hours, allowing his body to feast on the caffeine wiring his system. When mother nurse came back to recheck Lisbon's vitals, she was holding a fresh cup of coffee for Jane.

"Thought you could probably do with another hit."

Jane took the cup gratefully and watched her as she began checking off Lisbon's vitals on the chart.

"How's she doing?" Jane asked as he blew softly on the beverage.

"She's beginning to stabilise. If all continues to go well, I'd say she could probably go home tomorrow morning."

"Wait… tomorrow morning… as in a few hours?"

Mother nurse smiled. She was used to this sort of confusion, having been on the nightshift in paediatrics for close to ten years. She had had a lot of parents to console.

"No, Mr Jane. Tomorrow morning, as in she would spend one more night here."

"Really? That soon?" Jane asked surprised.

"Her body is quickly rehydrating and she is beginning to have a steady urine output. If she is able to hold down food, I'd see no reason for her to have to stay much longer."

Jane breathed a sigh of relief. He was so worried she was going to end up needing a transplant or having long-term health problems.

"Thank you."

"That's ok Mr Jane…" the nurse headed off towards the door, before turning back to him. "Mr Jane… now that you know she's going to be ok… maybe you should avoid the caffeine and get a few hours sleep." She raised her eyebrows almost comically. "Just a suggestion. I'll see you for breakfast rounds." She said before leaving the room completely.

Jane looked at the beverage in his hands and wrinkled his nose. He probably couldn't stomach another dose of so soon anyway. Placing the still full cup on the tray, he took Lisbon's hand in his again. He brushed his thumb across her cheek and when she didn't even stir, he knew she would still be out for a couple of hours at least. He gently kissed her knuckle before he leaned back on the recliner and finally closed his eyes.

Ok… so it was really short, but I wanted to leave it there. Just wanted it to be a Jane thinking chapter… sets things up for later =] Please let me know what you think in a review! They make me happpeeee! =D x