Author's Note: Well, hello fellow Gilmore fans! This fic came out of left field for me! As soon as I heard Carrie Underwood's songBacksliding I knew that I had to write a fic to it. This is a post season 6 fix it fic. I know it's been done a ridiculous amount of times, but I knew I had to get this out or I'd go crazier than I already am.

Please review, let me know what you think…I feel like I'm a bit rusty on my Gilmore writing…but oh well…

Reviews are love, leave some!

-Krytstle

I'm not supposed to be thinking 'bout you, lying here in this bed

Too much has gone wrong and we should move on

That's what we both said

There's a million reasons why we said goodbye

Why we couldn't try, couldn't fight for it anymore

Put your ring in the back of the dresser drawer

And we closed that door

So why am I 2 A.M. pickin' up my phone

And you're standin' in my porch light

Backsliding

It's been a month since her world turned on it's axis. She really thought when they got back together last year that it would be forever. But that wasn't the case. She had asked him, begged him to marry her and he wouldn't. So she walked away.

When he showed up at her house the day after she left him in the middle of the street, it took everything in her not to jump into his arms. He was standing before her, wanting to pick up where they left off. To little, to late.

She looks down at the phone in her hand. How did she get here? They've been apart for a while now, and agreed that they just didn't work together. But after the day she had today, all she wants is for Luke to wrap her in his arms and never let her go.

Taking a deep breath, she dials the number she's known by heart for years.

"Hello?"

His sleepy voice causes her breath to hitch. She misses him. "Hey, Luke."

"Lorelai?"

"Yeah. I-I'm sorry, I'm just having a really crappy night and-" she closes her eyes and takes a long slow breath, lets it out as a tear rolls down her cheek. "-and I know that we're not together anymore, and our friendship isn't what it used to be; but I just, I needed to hear your voice." She hears shuffling on the other side of the phone, so she knows that he's still there. "Luke?"

"I'm on my way."

Before she can protest, the line goes dead. She stares at the phone in her hand. This isn't exactly what she intended to happen when she called him tonight. Is it?

In no time at all, there's a quiet knock on the door. She checks her appearance in the hall mirror, takes a deep breath, then exhales. When she opens the door, his head pops up and they just stare at each other as if its the first time. He quickly breaks their connection and his eyes pick a spot on his shoes.

'God, he looks so good,' she thinks. She's the first to break the silence, "Hey, Luke."

"Hey," he returns, looking up from his shoes. It has been so long since he's been to this house and all the feelings he's repressed are starting to surface. "Can I uh-"

"Oh, yes, yeah," she stammers, and steps aside. "Come in."

There was a time when he didn't need to ask to come into her house. They renovated so that he would move in. Her master bedroom was the size of the living room, and she was the only one occupying it now. It makes her feel small. It was always supposed to be Luke.

Awkwardly, they go into the living room and sit on the couch. He rests his elbows on his legs and she sits with one leg tucked under her bottom. She decides to break the silence, again. "So, um, how's the diner?" she asks, lamely.

He bobs his head up and down and shrugs slightly. "It's good, ya know. I mean, people gotta eat." She nods in agreement. "How's the inn?" he asks in return.

"So great," she answers. She neglects to tell him that the window in room three is stuck again, the toilet in room seven is clogged causing her to close the room until it gets fixed, and Lord knows what's going on with the closet door in the honeymoon suite.

Silence again.

He's still not looking at her and she almost wonders why he's here if he's going to not look at her. She just wants a glimpse of those beautiful eyes she loves.

She clears her throat, "everything okay, Luke?"

"Yep."

"You sure? Because you haven't looked at me once since you came in. Do I have something on my face?"

"Nope," he says shaking his head.

"Look, I know this is weird," she whispers, lowering her head to look at her hands in her lap. "But, you're the one who offered to come over. I just…I hoped that you'd be more enthusiastic about being in my presence."

He doesn't speak for a moment. She can see the wheels turning in his head trying to gather the words he wants to say. Finally he closes his eyes and takes in a sharp breath.

"If I look at you, then I'm gonna lose the battle I'm fighting."

"What battle?"

"If I look at you, I'm gonna want to kiss you and hold you and make you smile again. We've been through so much over the last few years, and we were so close to having it all. I haven't seen you in over a month, not since…well, you know."

'Could it be that he still loves me?' she thinks, absorbing his words. She knows that she'll never love anyone again. He is her soulmate, of that she's sure.

"Luke," she whispers, tentatively reaching for one of his hands. "Look at me." When he finally turns his head towards her, she smiles at him. It's all she can do to mask the wave of overwhelming love she feels for him, unsure if he even wants to acknowledge feeling right now. "Hey."

"Hi," he whispers. 'God I've missed her.'

"See, not so bad looking at me, is it?"

"It never is."

"Back atcha, mister," she returns, flashing him a flirty smile. "Thank you for coming over so late. It's nice to have someone to talk to that doesn't expect a treat after the conversation."

"I had to make sure you were ok. You sounded so sad on the phone."

"Yeah, well, that's because I am," she shrugs.

"What's wrong?"

She bites her lip, wondering if she should tell him. Would he even care? "Do you know what day it is?"

His eyes find the calendar and realization hits him. June 3rd. Today would have been their wedding day if he hadn't have postponed. He hangs his head in shame before looking back over at her. She's trying so hard to be strong, but he knows her better than she knows herself. Her eyes glisten with unshed tears.

Before she can process what's happening, his hand is on her cheek, his thumb caressing her. "I'm so sorry," his whispers, his gaze moving from her eyes down to her lips and back up. He pulls her to him and their lips meet in a familiar dance.

She moans softly, having missed his kiss just as much as she's missed his voice. The tears she's been holding back finally fall as one of her hands wrap around his neck, and the other grabs a fistful of his flannel.

They break apart only when oxygen becomes a factor. "I missed you," she whispers, resting her forehead on his.

He gives her waist a squeeze as his other hand is busy pushing the hair from her face. "God, I missed you too, Lorelai."

He leans in again, lips softly brushing against hers. She pulls away before the kiss gets too out of hand, shaking her head. "What are we doing?"

"Well, if you don't know, then I must not be doing it right," he jokes.

Ignoring his joke, she shakes her head, "We're not together, Luke. SO much has happened, we have so many issues to work through. We can't just jump back in."

She's right. He knows she's right, but right now all he wants to do is wrap her legs around his waist and carry her up to the bed that used to be theirs and make her scream his name.

He nods. "I know. I know we do. But, maybe we don't get into that right now. Not tonight."

"If not tonight, when?" she watches as he hangs his head. She releases his shirt, and grabs the hand he has on her waist. "I don't want you to think that I don't want this, because I do, Luke. So much, but we really do need to talk."

"You're right," he agrees. Wiping his hands on his jeans, he nods. "Okay, so I guess I'll see you later?"

"You're leaving?" At his nod, an overwhelming sense of sadness washes over her. "Why?"

"Well, you just said that-"

"I said we had to talk, not that I didn't want you to stay." She grabs his hand, and pulls him to her, carefully she wraps her arms around his waist and rests her head on his chest. Her eyes close out of habit and she inhales the scent that can only be described as 'Luke': coffee, burgers and aftershave. Oh, how she's missed this smell. "I've missed you so much," she whispers. "I just want you to stay so we can talk everything out, and then I want you to hold me like you used to."

How can he deny her? He can't, and he knows it. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and places a kiss on top of her head. "Okay," he agrees. "Let's talk."

She pulls away from him after a few moments, and takes his hand, leading him into the kitchen. Neutral territory. Kitchen chairs instead of the couch where it would be easy to end up horizontal. He sits at one of the chairs and she gets each of them something to drink; water - alcohol is probably not the best idea for a conversation this heavy.

"So, I guess I'll start," she says, mentally preparing herself. She's going to start with where he put the first crack in her broken heart. Looking up from her hands, she meets his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me about April? We promised each other 'no secrets' - that was a pretty big secret to keep, Luke."

He had a feeling this was going to be one of the questions she was going to ask. Truth be told, he's been asking himself the same question. "I was scared at first. I was worried that you would look at me differently-having a child by another woman. Especially when that other woman didn't tell me about her because she knew I was going to be a terrible father. I didn't want you to see me fail. I was scared that if you knew about April, and saw how horrible I was with her, that you wouldn't want kids."

She wants to smack him upside the head; she also wants to wrap him in her arms. "Oh, Luke. I knew you would be an amazing father. I watched you with Rory when she was growing up, you've always been a father to her, she will always see you that way. I would never have thought that you were going to be a terrible father. Another question, why didn't you want to introduce me to her?"

"Again, I was scared," he answers. "You're this amazing, bright, bubbly, naturally happy woman. Everyone loves you, everyone wants to be around you. I was scared that if you met her before she got to know me that she would love you more than she should love me."

"But, you're her father," she points out. "She's going to love you no matter what happens; no matter who you introduce her to."

He nods, "I know that now. Another reason was because of Anna. She had this thing about not wanting April to meet anyone unless she did. Which at the time I understood, so I used that to my advantage in regards to keeping you meeting her on the back burner."

"I knew Anna didn't want me to meet her," she replies. "You know that I went to see her after April's birthday?" At his nod, she continues. "I basically went there to introduce myself - because I was hopeful that after the birthday party things would change and you'd start wanting to include me in your visits and we could be the family we were supposed to be - and she told me that she didn't want me around April until we were married. She didn't see me as a 'permanent person' in April's life because we were engaged and the wedding had been postponed. She didn't care that I was also a single mother, and knew how protective she is from personal experience. She wasn't having it. And then, when things didn't change, I just kind of gave up."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Do you remember last year after my parents vowel renewal? I kept pushing you to talk to me, to hear my side of everything…but you weren't ready. Then when I cornered you in the market, and demanded to know what you were thinking in that moment you said 'I can't be in this relationship, it's too much'. I had pushed you, and you left me, you wanted out."

"Lorelai-"

She wipes the tear from her eyes and shakes her head. "I couldn't go through that again. I didn't want to lose you. So I just let you live over there with April and I stayed over here with Paul Anka." She lets out a bitter chuckle and sniffs again, "I didn't want to lose you, but I lost you anyway."

Luke pulls his chair around the table to sit directly in front of her, and places his hands on her knees. "You didn't lose me. I'm here, aren't I?" At her nod, he continues. "You need to call me on my bull shit, Lorelai, you have to tell me when I'm being an ass because I don't always realize it."

She smiles at him, trying to focus on anything other than his thumb making circles on her knee and the desire that's building inside her. "Luke, when were we going to set a date? Did you even want to get married? The wedding was feeling like it was canceled, and everyday I was being crushed by the reality that you wanted out."

"Of course I wanted to get married," he answers. "All I've wanted for the last nine years was to be with you in every way. When you came into the diner and told me that Rory was back, I was trying to figure out how to tell you about April. I had gone to her science fair that day and found out that I was her father."

"Oh, Luke."

He nods. "I didn't want to ruin your happiness with the news that I had this kid who I never knew about. What would you have thought about me?"

"I would have thought that you were robbed of the most amazing feeling in the world," she answers. "I was still a kid when I had Rory, but I can tell you that the most amazing thing I've done in my life is that girl. Watching her grow up, seeing her eyes light up when she's learned new things, holding her when she cries. Luke you were robbed of that and the only person I blame for that is Anna. Never you. You're an amazing father."

"I needed to find that out for myself," he says. "I know now, looking back at how I handled things, I did it all wrong." He reaches up and wipes a stray tear from her cheek, his and lingering there, thumb caressing her cheekbone. "If April loves you half as much as I do, then I know that everything will be okay."

Her blue eyes look up at him, her heart racing. "You - you still love me? After what I did to you?"

"Lorelai, I never stopped."

To be continued…