I am SO sorry about my lack of updates. I don't even really have a valid excuse. My muse just decided to take a vacation for a while. I made this chapter longer than the others to (hopefully) try to make it up to all you wonderful people.

Thank you for the lovely reviews on the last chapter. You guys are just amazing!

Right here's a quick recap on what's been happening seeing as I've been MIA for a few months.

Lisbon was kidnapped by Red John, the team found her at Lorelei's sister's old batch hooked up to a feeding tube containing salt water and various other drugs. Jane hasn't slept in five night because he's been trying to find Lisbon, and is now watching over her in the ICU thanks to Dr Howard. Lisbon has had to have one of her kidneys removed due to the Prerenal ARF and the dehydration on top of that.

Right that's mostly what has happened in the past few chapters, along with Jane and Lisbon being confused about their feelings for each other (as always)

Anyway for those who are still willing to tolerate me, here's the next chapter =] x

A nurse came in to check on Lisbon every half hour or so, so Jane had to be ready to feign sleep at any given moment. Around dawn he could feel the uncomfortable burn to his bladder getting stronger and stronger. Stubbornly, he lay there, not wanting to keep his eyes off of his sleeping partner. He made it another hour before he groaned in defeat. Knowing his luck, if he held off much longer, he would be prone to an infection, especially seeing as his body probably wasn't as strong as it usually would be due to his exhausted state.

Sitting up slowly, he allowed the world to stop spinning before he cautiously placed his feet on the floor and stood up. He bent over slowly and slipped his shoes back on, not worrying about his vest and jacket that were still sitting on the chair beside his bed. Once he made it to the door, he turned back and looked around the room. Everything was silent. Lisbon was sleeping peacefully in her medicated state and her vitals were beginning to steady out a little.

Leaving his heart behind, Jane made his way down the corridor to the men's room. After relieving his aching bladder, he splashed some cold water on his face, before looking at his form in the mirror. He looked as if he had aged a decade in a week. There were lines on his face he had never seen before and his cheeks had taken on a hollow gaunt look to them. The dark circles around his eyes seemed to make his eyes sink into his head. He looked… ragged.

'Ai' he thought. 'No more mirrors.'

He turned away and shook his head, trying to erase the image of the stranger that had been looking back at him.

When he arrived back in Lisbon's room, he stopped dead in his tracks, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up.

There was a bunch of flowers and several balloons sitting next to Lisbon's bed.

He watched in mixed fascination as one of the balloons turned to face him, revealing a smiley face. Desperately he ran to her bed. Everything seemed to be fine. Her vitals were steady and nothing seemed to be out of place. Cautiously he scanned the flowers to find a small card nestled inside. It read

'Glad to see Patrick deciphered my message in time. You are an important piece of the puzzle my dear Teresa. It would have been a shame if you had have been eliminated from the game so soon. Good luck on your recovery. Your friend. Red John.'

Jane could feel his hands shaking. He had been here. He could have killed her. He had only left for a few minutes so he must have been waiting for the opportune moment to sneak in.

If Jane hadn't have been so tired, he would have realised it was almost impossible to sneak into a patient's room in the ICU. Because this thought never had the opportunity to enter his mind, he was seeing red.

How could he have been so foolish? Leaving her alone like that. Stupid! He should have waited until a nurse had come before leaving. He was going to have to get an officer stationed at her door… come to think of it, why wasn't there one already there?

He brought his hands up to his face and rubbed his tired eyes. Although he really didn't have the time to sleep, the whole staying awake thing was definitely starting to take a toll on his body. It had been over five days since he had had any real rest. He knew that the longest anyone had ever gone without sleep was ten days, so a few more days wouldn't hurt… right? Just until Lisbon was out of the woods.

He sat on the chair beside Lisbon's bed, taking her pinky between his fingers again.

"Please be ok." He whispered. "You have to be ok."

OOOOOoooooOOOOO

Around 8.30 that morning, Dr Howard came into the room, to find Patrick sitting in the chair beside his patient. He knew he hadn't slept. They had been some strong drugs he had given him, so he should still be fast asleep right now. As much as the doctor wanted to scold Jane like a naughty child, he was still an adult. He should be capable of making his own decisions. If he wants to drive himself into the ground… so be it.

"Ah Mr Jane." Howard said coming fully into the room. "I was just coming in to check on you both. Teresa should be waking up soon." he said taking in the dishevelled appearance of the man.

Jane just nodded, only having spared a glance at the doctor when he had entered the room. He had chosen not to alert anyone to Red John's night time appearance. He knew there would be nothing on the security tapes so he didn't see the point in worrying the staff. He would tell the team later and arrange for a door guard to be stationed outside her room.

"I must confess I'm actually here for you at the moment Mr Jane. I had come here to wake you, so you were fully alert for Teresa, but it seems someone must have bet me to it." he said with a knowing glint in his eye. Although he had promised himself he wouldn't lecture the man, this was beginning to get dangerous. The man was heading for a full on collapse, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

Jane didn't even bother to answer the doctor. Howard was smart. He was perceptive. So of course he was going to figure out that he didn't take the pills.

"How long until she wakes?" he asked, completely disregarding Howard's last comment.

"Maybe half an hour."

Howard took a seat on the bed Jane had been using. "There are a few things I think we need to discuss Mr Jane."

Jane didn't like the tone of the doctor's voice. He knew he was in for a 'prepare yourself for the worst' speech.

Again Jane didn't acknowledge that the doctor had spoken. He knew he was being childish, but at the same time he really didn't care. He really didn't have the energy to respect other people's feelings… well no one except for Lisbon's of course.

Howard ignored Jane's lack of response.

"Now we need to talk about the likelihood that Teresa will be suffering from PTSD."

Jane turned to look at the doctor properly for the first time since he had arrived.

"PTSD?"

"Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder."

"I know what it is… I just hadn't thought about the possibility of… her having it."

"It's a stressful time, Mr Jane… for all parties involved."

Jane nodded, not catching onto the doctors second meaning.

"So when she wakes up… she might… freak out?" Jane asked.

"We're not sure she will freak out necessarily. We will keep her medicated for a while, just to help keep her calm. We cannot risk her putting too much stress on her body after such a serious surgery."

Jane nodded seeing the sense in that.

The doctor gave Jane a sad look. They really did look like a married couple. Every day he saw husbands and wives driving themselves into the ground in order to keep an eye on their loved ones, and Patrick really was no exception.

"Mr Jane… as I said when Teresa was first admitted, there might be a possibility that her mental status has been compromised. I do not believe it will be too evasive. We're talking short term memory loss, or temporary speech impairment… but those kind of symptoms can also be related to PTSD."

Jane turned back to Lisbon, continuing his stroking of her pinky. He had seen her disorientated and confused when she had woken from her fever dreams, believing them to be married with children… that had been somewhat traumatic for the both of them, as they came to realise the alternate reality. Things were… changing… and Jane wasn't sure if he liked it or not… let alone if he was ready for this.

"Why didn't you take the pills last night Mr Jane?"

Jane let the corners of his mouth turn up a little.

"You're the one with the medical degree… you tell me." he answered sarcastically.

Doctor Howard stood up from the bed and came to stand beside Jane.

"Because I think you're a man who would do anything to protect the ones he loves."

Jane spluttered, making himself cough. "L-love?"

"Aye, Mr Jane."

"No… I couldn't possibly… be in love with Lisbon… no." he laughed nervously. "No."

Howard smiled slightly to himself.

"Mr Jane, you needed to remember there are different types of love… I never said anything about being in love with her… that was all you."

Jane let his eyes swivel back to face the man. He looked at him with sad tired eyes.

"Mr Jane I will be back in about half an hour to check on Teresa when she wakes up. I would say get some rest but I know you won't." He smiled at Jane and then left the room.

Jane turned back to Lisbon, still feeling slightly shell shocked. It must just be because he's tired… yeah that's it. He sat there for about twenty minutes trying to convince himself that he hadn't just come to one of the biggest realisations of his life.

Just tired. Nothing else. Nothing to do with the fact that she is his partner, and his best friend. And the only person he can trust with anything. Or the fact that she has big green shiny eyes, that seem to sparkle whenever she looks at him.

Jane let out a growl. It was his own foolishness that got her into this mess in the first place. She would still have functioning healthy kidneys right now if it wasn't for him… heck she would still have two kidneys!

He was brought out of his confusing thoughts by the fluttering of Lisbon's eyelids.

"Lisbon?" he asked sitting forward.

She groaned.

"Teresa, my dear. Time to wake up now." he reached out and softly stroked her face.

She squeezed her eyes shut, moving her head to the side, before finally, albeit slowly opened her eyes.

"Jane?" she croaked before coughing weakly.

"Hey." He said softly.

"I…" she broke off into another weak coughing fit, wincing when she aggravated her stitches.

"Shh." Jane said helping her drink some water. "Just relax."

Lisbon swallowed thickly. Her mouth was parched and felt fuzzy and generally gross.

"What happened?" she asked softly.

"What do you remember?" Jane asked, not wanting to scare her unnecessarily, but also wanting to gauge her memory.

"I… you were at my house… we were watching House… Cortez… he was murdered?"

Jane nodded in reply, feeling relieved that she seemed to be function normally as could be expected. He watched with worried eyes as he saw her begin to remember. Her eyes turned fearful and she looked like she was about to cry, but then she closed her eyes, and when she opened them, a firm, determined mask had been slipped into place.

"Red John."

Jane could only nod helplessly. She turned away from him, staring out the window, not wanting to make eye contact as she told this part of the story.

She knew he would be blaming himself, so she didn't want to see the look in his eye as she told him this… but it needed to be said. He needed to know what had happened as much as she needed to tell it.

"I had gone upstairs to take a shower." She started in a detached voice. "When I came back downstairs, he was in my kitchen… wearing a mask and gloves. He… came out of nowhere… and stuck a needle in my neck. Whatever he gave me… it made me feel really sleepy… like… I was still awake and could still hear and see everything but I had hardly enough energy to keep my eyes open.. let alone fight him off. Anyway he carried me back up the stairs and lay me on the floor beside me bed… I thought in that moment… that I was going to die." She took a deep breath, trying to steady her suddenly wild nerves.

"Lisbon… you don't need to do this now… we can wait a bit… until you've regained some of your strength."

She took another breath and Jane wanted to reach out and take her hand again. He didn't dare touch her though. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he were to spook her even more.

"It's ok Jane… I would rather just tell you now… get it out of the way."

Jane flinched at that. So she was just telling him to keep him happy? To allow his need for vengeance to get everything it needed?

"Lisbon…"

"It's ok Jane."

She continued to stare out the window.

"He kept looking at me, but he didn't come towards me. Instead he took out a bottle of… blood… and drew the face on the wall. All the time making me watch… but he didn't cut me… didn't hurt me…" she closed her eyes. "When he was finished he picked me up again and carried me downstairs again, and took me out to a van. He had an accomplice, because he stayed in the back of the van with me while the other one drove. We drove for about ten minutes before he injected me again. This time it knocked me completely unconscious… that's… that's the last thing I remember."

Jane was having a hard time keeping up with his thoughts and feelings. Red John hadn't actually wanted to hurt her… from the sound of Lisbon's story, he had been very careful with her… he could have easily killed her.. and yet he had chosen not to. What was the point in taking her in the first place. If he had interpreted the note properly, then Red John had wanted Lisbon for revenge on Lorelei… but then he hadn't actually wanted to kill her…

He was distracted from his thoughts when Lisbon turned towards him again, wincing as she shifted.

"Jane.. how bad am I?" she asked tentatively.

Jane felt his heart sink. He wasn't sure if he should be the one to tell her this.

"Maybe we should wait for Doctor Howard." He replied.

He was slightly amused to see the annoyed stubborn look to her eye… that's his Lisbon.

"Just tell it to me straight Jane. I know it's not good because I'm in the ICU."

Jane sighed.

"When we found you, you were hooked up to quite a few different things… one of them being a feeding tube that was sending a diluted, but steady stream of salt water into your system… he was intentionally dehydrating you. With the Prerenal ARF…" He leant forward, chancing fate and took her hand. "Lisbon… Teresa.. you were incredibly dehydrated when we found you… and you have a full blown infection… one of your kidneys… it was irreparable. They… they had to remove it."

Lisbon released a puff of air she didn't know she had been holding.

"Lisbon… I… I'm so sorry." He squeezed her hand, only to have her pull it out of his grasp. She knew it would have had to have been his decision that made the call. He is her medical proxy.

"Jane… I think I would like to sleep for a bit."

Jane felt his heart clench painfully. He had only been trying to save her life… had he made the wrong decision? Was he being selfish?

"I'll.. ahh… I'll go find the doctor. I know he wanted to speak with you when you woke up."

He got up and left the room.

Lisbon who had had her eyes closed, didn't see that Jane had had to use the table to stand up, or that he had swayed on the spot for several moments, blinking furiously to try to clear the black spots away. Nor did she hear him whisper under his breath how sorry he was, and how all he wanted was for her to be safe.

Again I'm so sorry about the delay.