Ever since that fiasco at the Respected families meeting, things have been tense between Scar and Shade. Mostly with Scar, he has been deliberated staying away from his home, and Miles is fairly certain that the scarred man would've slept somewhere outside if he hadn't offered him the couch. It's apparent that Scar is feeling depressive and lost what little joy he had, drifting in heart and soul. He wasn't happy back in the first years of Ishval's reconstruction, but Scar seemed to see a future for himself, although it mainly involved restoring his home. Then Shade came into his life and things changed, Scar became more relaxed yet mournful, but Miles got to see sparks in how that man was before he turned into a State Alchemist killer.
It was nice, see the human side of his comrade. But now, Scar has lost that spark. He no longer seemed to be there when he followed Miles to help with whatever task, and Miles often found him staring out to the horizon. Always East, the way where his house— where Shade is.
Miles feels sorry for the man, but he does not think it's his place to ask Shade to see his brother again. This is, unfortunately, something Shade has to decide on his own. The midday rest arrived, and like any other day since the fiasco. Scar takes a seat under a lone palm tree and quietly eats his lunch, and the first week, he did it alone. However, there might be some silver lining with all of this.
Like each day since the first week after the fiasco. Selena runs over to the spot and sits beside Scar, soon talking about whatever came to her mind. Miles watches the scene, sort of happy that the girl went against her father's wishes and still went to Scar. The man sure needed the company.
"— but I don't want to; crochet is boring." Selena explains her uncle, making a face in this new thing they are learning in class. "I much rather want to learn about herding livestock— like camels! They are pretty cool, but it can't beat the gymnastic." Her face lights up at a thought crossing her mind. "Hey, can you show me some of the moves?" Her uncle eyes her, if he's confused or pondering if he should, Selena does not know— nor does she care. "You know, if someone tries to hurt me, then I can hurt them back."
She didn't mean it that way, but it still made Scar's mind flash to his past actions. What his rage made him do. The reason why his brother can't look at him anymore. "I won't teach you how to hurt others," It's bad enough he's letting her disobey his brother by allowing Selena to see him, but Scar refuses to cross the line. Not again, not towards his family.
The girl's face drops, first disappointed, but it quickly turns to annoyance. "It's not fair. Mom, you and dad could hurt people, so why can't I?"
Scar opens his mouth, but his reply that hurting others won't solve one's problems never gets a voice. "What do you mean?" He asks the girl, confused at what she said: "Brother has hurt someone?"
"Sure," Selena nods, "when those men came and killed mom. They tried to hurt Harika and me, and dad…" she is quiet for a moment, her green eyes distance. "He killed them, crushed them with his alchemy." Scar's eyes widen, shocked that his brother has done the same as he did. But not more appalled at how Selena viewed the whole thing, "They deserved it, but dad..." she leans up against his right arm, fortunately not realizing how tense he has become. "He was never the same after that."
Scar slowly recovers from the shock, pretty sure that it wasn't only the grief that took its toll on his brother. 'He regrets have killed someone. Even if it were his wife's killers.' Which is why he was so disgusted at him for having killed several in practically the same manner. One significant difference between their actions; Shade did it in a fit of grief and fear, while Scar did it out of sheer anger and hatred. "Something like that changes people." He replies Selena quietly, not sure what else he can say about this subject.
"Yeah, dad stopped smiling after that…" Selena voices equally quietly, and after a moment of silence, she remarks. "He did get better when you came into our lives." She sounds sad, and this time, Scar knows fully why. "Can't you make up? Dad always tells Harika and me to make up after we got into a fight."
"I wish it was that simple." Scar replies, he truly wishes it was nothing more than a clash of personalities and viewpoints as it was in their youth. They used to argue a lot but always ended up reconciling even if they haven't come to an understanding. However, this time, it's so much different… "What I have done. it can and never should be forgiven." He tells the child, she looks up to him, but is not confused about what he means. This takes Scar by surprise, "Did he tell you?"
Selena nods, dropping her gaze. "He told us you have killed people— those from the war. How many he does not know." She didn't look scared or worried, which troubles Scar, more so at her following words. "They deserved it, gives them a taste of what we have been through, how many we've lost."
Scar sees the same hatred, the same rage in her eyes he felt back during the war. It scares him to think that this girl, in some sense, looks up to him and the murdering spree he did on the State Alchemists. It made him remember some words of advice his master once said; that hatred breeds more hatred. Selena will pick up on his hatred if he ever let it show and that thought of her taking the path as he did… it terrifies him more than facing that man who orchestrated the whole Ishvalan war. He cannot deny he still hates the Amestrian, but Scar vows to never let it show for Selena's sake. "The path I took is not an honorable one. Such anger and hatred," Selena looks back up to him, her unique green eyes intensely focused on his red. "It turns one into a beast. Always hunting, never sated and the further I went, the darker the world seemed to get." Scar moves his right hand, the one his brother sacrificed, the one he used to kill. "I was losing myself to this beast, and because I followed its promises of the sweet taste of vengeance." He fists his hand but does slowly open up the palm again. "I'd lost everything. My name, my past, my friends…" His eyes go to where his once home is— where his brother resides. "My family."
"Does dad know about this?" Selena asks quietly.
Scar is fairly certain his brother knows. Even without his memories, his brother still can read him like an open book. "I never told, but brother is smart enough to figure it out." A silence falls over them, allowing Scar to think about what Lucien said to him, and although he dislikes having to agree with that fool. Lucien did have a point. "Your father would be wise to disown me."
"Disown?" Selena asks, sounding quite confused.
"Removing me from the family." Selena frowns by his worda. For some reason, she does not look convinced. Scar is not sure why she's giving him that look. "What is it?"
"I don't think dad wants that." She tells him, adding as if she knows her dad better than he does. "He cares very much about you." Scar does not answer. He might have agreed before the war, but now, without his memories and so much time apart… no, Scar does not think Shade can care for him as he would in the past. For as his brother said; they are strangers to each other now. "Can't you try and talk to him? please?"
Scar is not sure if he can face his brother again, doubt Shade would let him approach. And he got every right to it, "He does not want to speak with a murder such as me." he does not blame his brother one bit. Like any other person he has hurt, his brother, too, has any right to hate him.
The girl drops her head, disappointed. "I miss having you around."
Scar feels the same way. the days he spent with the girls, talked with his brother. they were some of the best he felt after such a long time been trapped in the darkness. "I know." He replies to her softly. Scar wished he could go back to those happier times, but he knew that it was only a matter of time before his horrible secret would get out.
A moment of silence and Selena suddenly asks, "can you at least help me buy some decent food?" Scar can't restrain a chuckle at that one, well aware of why the teen is asking. He nods, thinking that the girls shouldn't suffer through his brother's cooking due to his sudden lack of absence.
Does make Scar wonder who has been cooking when he stopped being around the house. "Who's cooking?"
"The grated cheese doctor." Scar has a feeling Selena said it to make him laugh, for the girl gives him a look as to see a reaction from him.
He doesn't laugh but does quirk a smile at the 'nickname' Selena gave Marcoh, although Scar feels a bit sorry that he was the case to that name. "Don't call him that." he scolds her lightly, and Selena responds cheekily: "He looks like one." but a look from him and she drops the subject.
After the evening work, Scar went to the market along with Selena and filled up a basket with whatever she pointed at. Scar didn't bother telling her that she shouldn't only take fruits and nuts, figuring she wanted something fun to eat for a change. He did buy some melon, well aware brother liked those but knew it wouldn't change anything between them. Scar carries the basket most of the way, but the moment the house gets into view, he hands the basket to Selena. It's clear she wanted him to follow her all the way by the look she gives him, but Scar respects his brother's wishes that he does not want to see him.
Selena is disappointed her plan to make daddy and uncle make up didn't work; maybe she will succeed the next time. But hey, at least she got some nice food out from it. She carries the quite heavy basket back inside, only there realizes her mistake. Daddy, of course, asks; "Where did you get that?" and Selena quickly lies, "Miles bought it." as she really does not want dad to find out she's been disobeying him in staying away from uncle.
But Shade knows it's not Miles who bought all of that. The man would've carried it in a box and picked something essential, not fruits, which is considered candy for most Ishvalens. No, his brother bought this, which means… Selena has been seeing him. A sigh escapes his lips, but it's hard to be angry at the girl. It's clear they both miss their uncle. "How long have you seen him?" Shade asks the oldest of his daughters.
Selena stays quiet, staring at him with a mix of worry and defiance. It must mean she has been around Scar for quite a while. "Don't visit him again."
"Why? I miss him." She retorts and before he can voice an argument as to why, "We all do, so make up already!"
Shade shakes his head, "It's not that simple." wish it was, though. Yes he misses having his brother around, but… he has killed a lot of people. Marcoh told him about his brother's past actions, how Scar went after State Alchemists and was the one who scarred the kind doctor.
"But he did it to hide my identity." The doctor had said and told how he has become a reluctant companion to his brother. "He wanted to kill me, that much was clear. But he needed me to decipher your notes." His brother was willing to put his vengeance aside for the bigger picture, but Shade knows the hatred is still there, and honestly; what's stopping him from hurting people again? Clearly not him.
"Selena, he has killed people in the name of vengeance. I can't forgive him for that." Shade tries to explain his daughter why he hasn't tried to speak to Scar and make up as he always makes his daughters do when they get into a fight.
"It's not fair!" Selena screams angrily, "Why can the Amstrians kill us and get away with it while we get punished for the same thing?!" and before he can stop her, Selena has run into her room, locking herself inside.
This… this is why he didn't want the girls around his brother. He doesn't want them to think such actions are okay. Harika fortunately understands; she does sort of view his brother as the people who killed Li. But Selena… looks up to Scar, and it seems she is starting to think murder is righteous retribution. "Selena." He calls and walks over to the closed door, but does not walk inside, having no wish for her to getting into a fit that would keep her from hearing his words.
"Leave me alone!" Selena cries angrily on the other side of the door.
He does not, only will when he has said this; "I'm sorry you and Harika are caught in the middle of this mess, I never meant it to get this… complicated" and honestly wish it was simple. He wishes he could forgive his brother, but Scar's actions, they are beyond terrible. His own brother did the same thing those assassins did to Li, and who knows how many families Scar broke apart. All because he couldn't let go of the anger. "More than ever, I want things back as they were, but…" he fists his left hand against the door, and eyes on his right metal arm, "Knowing what he did… that his anger led him to remove a husband, a father from his family? I understand his pain— we both do, but he turned this pain into hatred and went after people who hadn't been part of those who hurt us."
Silence meets him, and letting out a sight, Shade asks, both her and himself, "He hates alchemy, and with how I use it… how can I possibly feel safe around him?"
"… Daddy?" Selena asks quietly.
"Yes?"
After a painfully long moment. Selena speaks, "I won't talk with him again… I'm sorry…"
He can't see her, but Shades knows she is crying. Honestly, it takes a lot not to do the same himself. "So am I." He replies and leaves her alone. Shade walks over to the window and watches the streets outside, partly hoping to spot his brother, but there's no sight of him. Shade is both sad and relieved that his brother hasn't tried to approach him. As much as Shade hates to admit it, he cannot deny the fear he feels towards Scar. His brother has and can kill again. Shade is upset and scared about what has been revealed to him. But he's not sure if this rift between him and Scar can— or should ever be mended.
This chapter is the catalyst to where this story can be going and why I haven't submitted more chapters lately. I have been struggling with how I want to end the story.
Brothers of Ishval has always been intended to be down to earth kind of story, so many of my ideas of them making up through some epic battle won't do. Instead, I want a legit reconciliation between the- which is hard, but I want to complete this story.
No wish in leaving it discontinued.
It might take a while for me to figure out what should happen next, so I ask for your patience and more than welcome your thoughts on where this story should be heading.