Chapter 6 – The Ones Like Him
Trigger warning, just in case: PTSD, torture
x-x-x-x-x
For a while, they only stared at each other. Her father had called it 'wait time'. April called it a battle of will with a severely stubborn turtle.
"You're the one that wanted to talk," the red-masked turtle finally blurted. "Talk!"
April puffed her cheeks and blew out a sigh. "Fine. Let me start with I'm sorry I almost let Za'noran almost blow you up."
Raphael rolled his eyes. "This again?" He rose, heading for the window, but April grabbed him by the wrist to tug him back to the couch.
"I need to talk some things out about what happened, and I think you probably do too."
He yanked his wrist away. "What's to talk about? You almost killed us, you didn't, it's in the past. Let's move on."
"That's just it!" Her voice rose as she followed the brawler toward the window. "Za'noran made me blow Donnie to dust, and she nearly did the same to you, and you just want to forget about the whole thing like it didn't happen!"
"Nothing did happen! You put Donnie back together! It's FINE!" Raph's own voice escalated toward a shout.
"It's NOT FINE!" she screamed back, angry tears stinging the edges of her eyes as they threatened to well up further. "I'm not fine! Donnie's not fine!" She tried to pull herself back together and calm down as she added, "Somehow, I don't think you're fine either."
Raphael paused, motionless for a moment, then turned, grunted, and stomped back to the sofa where he'd started from. A small victory. April joined him.
"It… must have scared you," she started, then cut him off as he started to snap back a defence. "I know, you weren't… Of course not; your ego won't let you say you were. But I know it couldn't have been a barrel of monkeys having your limbs bent to their limit and not being able to move while Donnie was effectively dead and the same thing about to happen to you… because you couldn't stop her, and I wouldn't try hard enough until you and Mikey and Leo pushed me."
The turtle sighed, shifting his gaze to a far corner of the room. "Yeah…"
"Y'gythgba said it was because I didn't grow up as a warrior, that I didn't have the experience of fighting for something to that extreme before. So, I'm sorry. I wasn't ready for it."
"You talked to Mona Lisa? How is she? What's she up to?" Raph's demeanor brightened immediately at the mention of his girlfriend's name.
"She's fine. Don't change the subject!" She huffed, regathering her thoughts. "It had to be hard for you. I know it was, because it was hard for me." She held silent for a moment as anger forced more tears out of her eyes, and her voice wavered as she yelled, "She made me blow up my boyfriend!"
The turtle's face darkened as he pulled April close to comfort her. "That dirty piece of galactic crap! If she'dda fought fair, I wouldda had her on the ropes!"
"Beings like her can't be bothered to fight fair. It's like we were ants, and she was a bulldozer; I don't think it was even possible for her to come down to our level and 'fight fair.'"
A moment's silence passed between them before Raph said, "You know what the worst part is? Bein' the toughest and the strongest means it's my duty to protect my family… None 'a that mattered when we tried to fight her. She just picked us up like toys and threw us aside. Fat lot 'a good I could do protectin' anybody!"
"Don't I know it… I was her favorite puppet. But you got me to fight, at least."
"Yeah. Like we had a lot of other options available. You were the only one that could fight the alien asshole. We had to get through to you, or we were toast. Crumbs, even." He scowled, setting his jaw bullishly. "I don't like that feeling…"
"What feeling?" she coaxed.
It took him a moment to pin the words down. "Being dependent. Being dependent on someone you're not sure will actually make that move." He eyed her meaningfully. She had to look away.
"I know. I'm sorry I let you down, that I ever made you doubt that I'd fight to keep you guys." She buried her face in her hands. "This is the worst I've ever screwed up…"
The turtle clapped her on the shoulder. "But you did it, in the end. Far as I'm concerned, my faith in you's restored."
She removed her hands to meet his eyes. "You really mean that?"
"Wouldn't 'a said it if I didn't mean it."
A wan smile crossed her face. "Thanks, Raph… I really appreciate it." She sighed, glancing away. "If only could get that back with Donnie…"
Raph's face split in a huge grin. "Don't worry about Donnie. He'll get over it."
April blinked at him. "How can you be so sure?"
The grin didn't leave his face. If anything, it widened to Cheshire status. "By the way he's been moping about all the time, sighing, being distracted. You gotta know he misses you."
Her brow furrowed. "That doesn't exactly solve anything, though."
"It means he still wants to be around you. And from there, you two'll work things out."
x-x-x-x-x
April swung the window open at Michelangelo's tapping. "Hey, Mikey. Thanks for coming over."
"Absolutely no problemo. My fee?" he added coyly, holding a hand out, expectant for something to be placed in it.
She chuckled and handed over a rolled and stapled paper sack. "One order of pizza gyoza, as promised."
"Ahh!" was his reply, smacking his lips as he tore the bag open, sticking his beak inside to catch the first whiff of the treasured treats. He popped a gyoza in his mouth. April was glad he was taking it easy on them; she knew Mikey could just as easily have dumped the entire contents into his mouth at once—she'd seen him do it—but was glad he didn't this time, as it meant prolonging his attention.
"So, you needed to talk to me about some stuff?"
April was glad that he remembered, as hit or miss as Mikey's memory could be. "Yeah. I need to talk to you guys about the night Za'noran made me explode Donnie."
Mikey's smile faltered. "Oh, yeah. That was pretty intense."
"You're telling me! I need to apologize to all of you face-to-face for what I let happen."
His sunny demeanor was back as he said, "You don't need to apologize."
"I do, though," she insisted, "to help deal with what happened, and start trying to make it right with Donnie, and the rest of you, too. I know it was scary for all of you."
"Yeah, but it must've been super bad for you, since you were the one being controlled and all."
"I'm glad you understand that… I don't know if Raph really did, or Leo would."
"Sure they would! That was awful for everybody!" As he spoke, he pulled another gyoza from the bag. April followed its motion to his mouth, where the dumpling split open in the turtle's teeth, revealing a pulpy mash of red that reminded her too much of what Donnie looked like as he was blasted apart.
Instead of hearing Mikey's further words about what Leo would have thought of the incident, she found herself visualizing it again, and the zap-zap-blutch sound that came with it. Za'noran laughing cruelly over her plans to do the same to anyone on Earth who would not bow to her will. Donnie's increasingly desperate screams before he was torn apart, helpless in her psychic grip, and those of his brothers on the ground below as their sibling was rendered to atoms thrown across the New York sky. April yelped, devastated at going through it all again and again. Screams. Donnie exploding. The laughter. No, not Donnie! She couldn't have destroyed him! Za'noran couldn't have used her to destroy the person who meant the most to her! …But she did, and…
"…april…?" a voice broke in, but so far away and muted. "April! Can you hear me? April!"
She blinked and shook her head back and forth to clear it of the intense memory. "Wha…? Y-yeah… What was that about Leo's meditating?"
But Michelangelo focussed solely on her, arms wrapped comfortingly around her shoulders. "Are you all right? You totally zoned out there, and then started yelling!"
Shaking, she forced herself to take a deep, albeit wavering, breath to release the stress. "I… I think I'm okay now, Mikey. It was just… just a really vivid memory of what happened…"
"Good… you had me worried. Can I get you some hot chocolate? Or some tea? Or a microwave burrito? Or a pizza? Or… well, I ate all the gyoza already, but I could go get you some more, if you want!"
April grinned at the orange-banded turtle's comfort-food focus, so true to his essence. "Some chamomile tea sounds nice," she admitted, more to give Mikey a way to unspool his own tension through doing something to help than actually wanting the brew. "I'm sorry. This wasn't how I intended this talk to go down…"
"That's okay, really. It sounds like it's still really messing with you, though. Lucky for you, I know just the person you should talk to about it!"
"Really? Who?"
The turtle in orange flung his arms wide, slopping the water in the mug he'd poured for her. "Donnie!"
She sighed, leaning an elbow on her knee and resting her chin in her hand. "Yeah, there's one little problem with that, though…"
"What?" Mikey queried, ignorant to the complexities of Don and April's relationship at present.
"He doesn't want to see me."
Mikey made a noise through his lips, brushing her off as he put the cup down and set the water on to boil. "Donnie always wants to see you."
"Not right now, he doesn't. He said as much, last time we talked."
"Yeah, but that was, like, a couple of weeks ago! I'm sure he's over it by now."
"I doubt it, Mikey. I'm not over it, and I'm not the one who was exploded to bits!"
He gave her a wry look. "Well, how're you gonna know if you don't talk to him?" He slid his T-Phone from his belt, waving it demonstratively.
"I—" she gasped, cutting herself off. "I don't want to make things worse. He told me to stay away, and if he's not ready…"
The turtle clucked his tongue. "Donnie always gets mad a t me and tells me I'm banned from his lab until the end of forever. If I actually waited until he was ready, I'd never get to see what he's up to!" he grinned, and April dropped her face into one hand, shaking her head. Mikey's smile slackened, showing he was taking the matter seriously. "At least text him. Let him know the lines of communication are open on your end." She hesitated, so Mikey turned his phone around in his palm and started tapping. "I'll text him…"
"No, wait!" she yelped, reaching out to him desperately to get him to stop before he sent it. He looked back with those innocent, questioning eyes. She sighed. "If this is a full-on breakup, I don't want it to be over text."
"Oh, yeah, I guess that would be bad…" he admitted. "But c'mon! It's Donnie! You've been his every waking thought since you met! He's not gonna text-dump you!"
She looked morosely at her own phone screen. The screams echoed vaguely in her head, and she put it back in her pocket.
"Maybe… you could just talk to him first for me?" she asked, her eyes begging. "See if he's all right with it?"
"Nope!" he joyfully stated.
Her eyes went wide with alarm. "What?"
"Because I have to fix your tea first! After all," he said, and started singing, "T is for turtle, that good enough for tea!" April slumped back in relief as Mikey continued with a silly dance, ending with an ascendant, "OHHH, Turtle, turtle, turtle start with tea!"
x-x-x-x-x
She sat akimbo across from Leo on her apartment floor. "So you're having flashbacks about Za'noran blowing Donnie up?" he summarized all she had told him.
"Yeah. Like, any little thing could set it off… And I was hoping maybe meditation could help make it stop."
The leader of the ninja team gave a slight roll of the shoulder. "Worth a shot. It sounds like you're getting caught up in the memory, and need to pull yourself out of it. Transcendental is particularly good for that. It'll keep your focus on the here and now."
"Sounds good. So, do I need to start by thinking of…" She hesitated. She'd gone back to that moment in her mind way more often than she would have liked lately. Even thinking about thinking about it left a foul taste and a sense of dread hanging over her, so she was relieved when Leonardo shook his head.
"No. We won't trigger the event unless you want to confront it."
April thought silently at this, then said, "Maybe what I need is to confront her."
Leo's brows knit. "Are you sure? That's some pretty advanced-level astral projection… If you're not ready for it—"
"I know," she snapped back. "At this point, though, I don't think she can do any more damage."
Leo's mouth pressed into a line as he returned her look dubiously. "If it goes badly, it could possibly cause you even more trauma."
"It's okay. I'm ready to do this." Her jaw set firmly, she closed her eyes.
"All right. I'll guide us in. April…" She felt a light touch to her knee and looked down to see his hand there, then up to meet his eyes. "I will be right there with you the whole time. If you're ever afraid, if you want to go back, let me know, and I'll lead us back out."
She gave a nod. "Thanks, Leo."
"Oh, and April?"
"Yeah?"
The turtle's expression darkened slightly. "Save a piece of her for me. You're not the only one she hurt by blowing up Donnie."
"Mm-hmm," she answered, took a deep breath, and eased into a meditative trance as Leonardo spoke.
"Deep breath in, and breathe out. In… and out, letting your muscles relax, letting your mind drift. In… Out… You find yourself in a great void, though it does not feel ominous. Feel yourself being relaxed and in control. You are confident, and nothing here will hurt you. I am there beside you, on this vast, empty plane. In the distance stands a figure: tall, white and winged… Za'noran."
She saw it all in her mind as Leo described it, particularly the lithe, shining white form of the Aeon spirit. Balling her fists, April strode forward, then broke into a run toward her adversary, who laughed at her.
"Foolish insect!" she mocked, tossing her head with a haughty air. "I see you wish to be my puppet once more. Join with me once more, and we shall—"
"Shut it!" the girl snarled as she stopped, throwing one arm out as it began encased itself in a golden-yellow glow that sparkled like the kintsugi resin. Za'noran's lower jaw folded up over her mouth, any more arrogant words from her muted. She grabbed at her lip, desperately trying to pull it down, to no avail. "No. You're going to listen to me now," she declared. "You used me. Kept tempting me with more and more power through the crystal, making me feel like I needed it, making me feel like I was nothing without it!"
"Call it what it was, April," Leo encouraged beside her. "Say its name."
"Addiction," she spat, without shifting her eyes from the Aeon's black, almond ones. "You made me think that I couldn't get by without that power, all the while using it as a conduit to take me over! And then!" She laughed cruelly. "Then, when Donnie's machine gave you the boost you needed, you used my body to float around on your little power trip, leaving me disoriented and scared so that once you caught your breath, you could just seize control of me again." Her eyes were hard as she made an upward gesture with her other arm, the gold dust surrounding one of the alien's wings. "I'm the one in control now!"
Za'noran's wing twisted on itself, turning it upside down, the joints strained at unnatural angles. The corrupt spirit's mouth finally tore open to emit a cry of agony.
"Remember when you did this to my friend?" With another motion, the alien's legs pulled as far behind her as the joints would allow, then outward, twisting them painfully at the knee. Za'noran screamed.
"Oh, and let me see, there was one other little thing you did… what was it now?" she tapped her lip as if in thought as she flipped her hand over, yanking all of the Aeon's limbs in new painful directions. "Oh, right," her voice hardened from its conversational tone. "You exploded the person who means the most to me right in front of me! Shall we give you a taste of what that feels like?"
"Uhh… April?" Leo interjected.
"What?" she said harshly without looking at him.
"…Never mind…" he decided, retreating a few steps, hands up in a conceding pose.
"Worse than that, you broke his faith, his trust in me!"
Despite her agony, Za'noran started laughing again, though not nearly as strong or confident-sounding as before. April scowled and contorted her wings again, but aside of another pained intake of breath, the laughter continued. "You… can't do it," she gasped out, a condescending smile coming to her lips. "Without the Soul-Star shard… you are weak." She emitted another gasping cackle. "Without me… you don't have the power!"
April's look, while already dark, took on all the seriousness of a black hole. She began whirling her hands in a circle, gathering the golden energy for a powerful attack, but a three-fingered touch on her shoulder stopped her.
"April… you don't have to do this. It's over. She's beaten."
The apparition giggled giddily. "You see… You cannot even finish it! You are too weak… to do what needs to be done… to kill!"
"It's called compassion," April threw back at her. "You would know, if you ever had any."
"You will be forever powerless!" Her pained laughter continued until April spun, bringing her hands together and sending a bright flare of the yellow energy at her enemy. The alien's face registered a moment of shock before she was consumed by the light, then began wailing in terror and agony as it consumed her and she was blasted to sub-atomic dust.
April took a deep, cleansing breath and let it out. "Ya know, turns out, I had the power inside me all along," she said at the trailing, glowing embers. Leo patted her shoulder. April turned and walked with him toward their entry point. She winced. "Sorry, Leo… Guess I didn't save you a piece after all."
"It's okay," he smirked. "I think you turned her into enough pieces."