Natasha woke to the sounds of Wanda crying and chanting the word 'no' over and over. The cries sounded worse than previous few nights but still not as bad as they had been. The dreams seemed to be getting easier soothe. When she would wake up Wanda, the girl would not cry as hard, and she would not have to read for as long and one night she had simply settled against her chest and fallen back asleep. She wanted to start reading to Wanda before she went to bed instead of in the middle of the night to see what effects that would have. The woman rolled her shoulders as she made to get out of bed when there was a beat of silence that gave her pause. For a second, she thought the teenager may not need her to intervene tonight but then she heard a terrible piercing scream that echoed in her chest and sent hot adrenaline scorching through her veins. The spy was up and out of her bed in a flash, sprinting to Wanda's room as more screams of a truly frightened person came from the girl.
She burst in and found herself even more rattled by the sight of Wanda sitting up in bed, blood covering underneath her nose and smeared around her mouth. She was looking at her hands and now shaking and hyperventilating as she tried to get rid of the blood that also coated them. She ran over to the girl who did not seem to realize she had entered the room, "Wanda, malyshka, it's okay. It's just a nosebleed. You're alright."
However Wanda did not seem to hear her as her crying began to crescendo. Natasha put one arm around her and pulled her into her chest, she used her other hand to gently pinch Wanda's nose and tried to tilt her head down to stop the blood from draining into the back of her throat. Suddenly Steve was in the doorway, looking alarmed, "Nat? What's going on? Is she okay?"
"It's a nosebleed, and I think she is having a panic attack." Natasha tried to hold the trembling girl tighter, trying to get her to recognize that she was there with her, but she just kept sobbing uncontrollably.
"What can I do?" Steve asked his eyes darting around.
"I need towels and a bowl of water. We have to get her cleaned up." Natasha said urgently, hoping the getting rid of the blood would calm her down. The man rushed off to get the items while she rocked and hushed her to no avail. The Black Widow pulled them to the ground to get away from the red-stained sheets, "Wanda, baby, can you hear me? It's okay, we're going to get you cleaned up. Just hold on, malyshka."
Steve came back with a couple towels and a big mixing bowl from the kitchen filled with water. He knelt next to the women and Natasha grabbed a towel, dunked it in the water and began wiping her down the best she could, Steve trying to help with his own towel. But Wanda thrashed and cried against them, knocking over the bowl of water and squirming away from the towels. Natasha tried to keep her cool, worried that her pounding heart and frantic movements were only exacerbating the girl's panic. Their efforts were not working quick enough.
"Steve, go turn the shower on." Natasha ordered suddenly and tossed her towel aside. He immediately rose and went to Wanda's bathroom completely under her instruction at this point. With some effort, the Black Widow scooped Wanda up into her arms and carried her in behind Steve. Once he got the shower running she said, "Strip the sheets. Get rid of anything with red on it."
Again he jumped to the task. Natasha stepped into the clear glass shower stall with Wanda, sitting against the wall underneath the warm water. She settled Wanda between her legs with her back pressed against her front. The gentle spray seemed to bring a level of awareness to the girl as she gasped, "T-tasha?"
"Yeah, milaya, it's me. You're okay." Natasha cradled her head into her neck.
"Tasha.. Pietro, his blood- I c-can't.. breath.. Pietro-o." She dissolved into sobs and her chest fluttered up and down, rapidly taking in short useless breaths.
"No, baby. It's your blood. You've had a nosebleed in the night. Sh, sh, close your eyes. Can you feel my hand?" The woman firmly placed on her stomach where her diaphragm was. When she felt Wanda nod against her she continued, "When you breath in I want you to move my hand. Take a deep breath and lift my hand with your stomach. You can do it.. There you go, that's it."
Natasha murmured into her ear encouraging while focusing on taking in her own calming breaths. "That's it. Now try to match my breathing, a little slower.. Good, malyshka."
Once her breathing was more under control, she started rubbing her hands over Wanda's meticulously making sure all the blood was running away with the water down the drain, softly singing a slow Russian folksong she could barely remember. Finally her crying faded away, and the raggedness of her breath was replaced with steady, soft huffs. When her hands had been thoroughly cleaned a while ago, Natasha reached up and grabbed the washcloth hanging on the bar above her head. "Wanda, I need to tilt your head back."
There was no resistance from the girl as she tipped her head back and she fell away from Natasha's chest. The woman used the cloth to make sure any evidence of blood was gone from her face and neck. With Wanda slightly leaned away from her, she took the opportunity to scrub at her own neck and chest to remove the red smears from holding Wanda to her. Finally tossing the cloth away, Natasha rewrapped her arms around the girl, her forehead falling back into the crook of her neck. The warm water continued to fall down on them, the two women completely drenched in their pajamas, but Natasha let Wanda rest against her for a while longer not, her hand finding its way just beneath her nightshirt to stroke the skin on her lower back. Eventually, after dismissing the idea of just letting Wanda collapse there for the night, she spoke up softly, "Wanda, are you with me?"
"Yes." Her voice was hoarse from the screaming.
"Do you know what happened?"
"I-" She stopped to think for a moment. "I had a nosebleed."
"That's right. How do you feel now?"
"…My head hurts."
"Does she need to go down to medical?" Steve asked and Wanda flinched a little at the sound of his voice. Natasha vaguely knew he had been standing there since he had finished cleaning up the room, leaning patiently against the door frame to see if she would need anything.
The woman considered his question. She would like Wanda to go down and see someone on the medical staff, it had been a shocking amount of blood from her nose, and when she had looked at Wanda's face it had been pale, nearly to the point of having a sickly greenish undertone. But she could not put Wanda through the ordeal of being prodded by a stranger right now. She shook her head, "No, I can take care of her here. Can you get the water off please?"
He reached turn off the faucet and the room became cottony quiet without the pattering of droplets hitting the tile. Steve was already looking at her expectantly for his next instruction as she said, "We need a change of clothes, pain medication, Tylenol not Aspirin, and a glass of orange juice. Pajamas are in the middle left drawer in her dresser. Same in my room."
"On it." Steve dashed off once again and Natasha refocused on Wanda.
"Steve is going to get something to make your head feel better." She pressed a kiss to Wanda's forehead as if trying to tide her over in the meantime. Fortunately, Steve returned quickly, setting their clothes on the bathroom counter, then bringing Natasha a bottle of pills and glass of juice.
"Do you want me to get new sheets for her bed?" Steve asked as Natasha read the label for the dosage to see how many pills to give the teenager.
"No, we can worry about that in the morning. I'll take her to my room tonight. I've got it from here, you can go back to bed." She said delicately over top Wanda's head.
"You're sure?" He watched them worriedly.
"We just have to dry off and get changed. We'll be fine.. Thank you, really Steve." She told him with soft sincerity, grateful for his help.
"No need to thank me. Have FRIDAY get me if you need anything." His eyes lingered on Wanda, telling her gently, "I hope you feel better, Wanda."
Natasha was a little surprised when Wanda turned her face out from where it was buried in her neck and looked at the man, her voice a whisper, "Thank you, Steve."
He gave her a warm, kind of sad smile then left the ladies to themselves. As soon as he was gone, Natasha started shifting Wanda in her arms, trying to get her to face out from her. She picked up the glass of juice the Steve had sat next to her, "Okay, sweetheart, I need you to drink some of this."
She started to bring the glass up to the girl's face, but she turned away with a pathetic no falling from her lips. Natasha set the glass back down and gently repositioned her to face forward again. Trying again she said firm but kind, "I know your stomach probably feels nauseous, but this will help, I promise. It will help your body replace its red blood cells."
She explained patiently, bringing the juice back up to her lips and cautiously began tilting the glass, "Please try for me."
Try for Mama, the thought startled the woman. But as quickly as it happened she had it compartmentalized away. She knew she was not Wanda's mother and the thought had just been a fluke, just a general way to refer to herself not in actual reference to being a mother let alone Wanda's. It was nothing to overthink she told herself, besides, she needed to focus on the girl, becoming relieved when the orange juice hit Wanda's lips and she started drinking it.
"Good, malyshka." She praised. "A little more."
Placing the glass aside for a moment, Natasha opened the pill bottle and poured one tablet into her hand then gave it to Wanda, "Can you swallow this? It's just a little pain medicine."
The girl nodded and put the pill in her mouth. Natasha handed her the rest of the juice to wash it down with, helping her hold it still when she saw how much her hands were shaking. With the juice mostly gone, she set the cup back down and asked, "Do you think you can stand?"
She did not want to push her, but they had a limited amount of time before Wanda started to get cold in her wet clothing. However, Wanda was ready to get off the floor and with a little assistance she clambered to her feet, swaying a little from a headrush but otherwise staying upright. Nat went to work to get her out of her soaked pajamas, dried off, and into the new clothes Steve had brought her- the SHIELD sweater that never made it back to Natasha's closet and a pair of loose joggers. She had Wanda sit on the toilet seat to braid her wet hair back. When she was done, Wanda was reaching for her, but she had to ease her hands away.
"No, I'm still wet. Just hold on." Natasha told her, then striped, dried herself, and got into her new clothing in record time. She left everything in a sopping heap on the shower floor to be dealt with in the morning. "Okay, let's get to bed."
Given the go ahead, Wanda stood and rested her head on Natasha's shoulder, putting her arms around the woman's waist. Natasha hugged her for moment, rubbing her back, "I know, milaya. It's okay."
She shifted Wanda to her side and ushered them out of the bathroom, passed her sheet-less mattress that fortunately remained stain-free, and into Natasha's bedroom. The teenager faltered right before entering her room and Natasha realized Wanda had never been inside her bedroom. She offered words of assurance that she was allowed and led her through the threshold. The Black Widow got them into her bed, settling underneath her white down comforter with Wanda practically lying half on top of her. The girl was quiet and still but Natasha could tell she was not falling asleep, her body ever so slightly tense. She knew this was not something a bedtime story could fix.
"Wanda, can you tell me about your dream? About what made you so upset." The woman asked gingerly.
She felt her shake her head, "I don't want to talk about it."
"I know it's hard to talk about." Natasha sympathized with her, methodically running her hand up and down her back, "But I don't think it's helping to keep it all locked up inside. Talking about it can help you process it."
There was a long pause, so long the spy thought she had not been able to convince her, but then she felt Wanda's hand move, her fingers coming up to play along her collarbone. Softly, her voice still rough, Wanda began, "I dreamt about finding Ultron during the battle, when I- when I ripped out his heart."
Natasha remembered reading the report from Vision from the fight. The android said he had found Wanda next to the vibranium form of the homicidal robot, whatever equated to his heart pulled from his chest. Wanda's powers had torn through the world's strongest metal when Thor's lightning and Tony and Vision's laser beams combined had only begun to scratch the surface, an omen of how strong the little witch could become. However Wanda clearly was not thinking of that as she went on, "It started as Ultron but then it was Pietro lying there. I, I ripped out his heart and was holding it in my hand. I killed him."
The girl was emotional as she relayed this though did not cry, her tears all dried up for the time being. Her panic attack suddenly made much more sense. In her nightmare her brother's blood had been on her hands and when she woke up to find the blood they shared still on her hands she thought the dream was reality, sending her mind spiraling with fear. Natasha held her a little tighter, "That must have been so terrifying, but Wanda you did not kill your brother."
"But it's my fault." Wanda choked out.
"No, sweetheart, it's not." She said steadily.
The girl argued back miserably, "I gave Mr. Stark the vision. I let him take the specter and create Ultron."
"Tony was afraid long before you came along, Wanda. And he'd conceived of Ultron before you too. Sometimes terrible things happen and it's not anyone's fault. Do you blame Clint for not saving him? Do you blame Steve or me?"
"No," Wanda immediately replied, her fingers slightly hooking into her clavicle as she said it.
"Do you really think Pietro blames you? Do you think he'd want you to carry that pain and guilt?"
It took her longer to answer but Natasha finally heard a quiet but resolute, "No."
"Can you tell me it wasn't your fault? You don't have to believe it right now, but just say the words."
Another long silence before she felt Wanda mumble timidly against her chest, "It's not my fault."
"It's not your fault, malyshka." Natasha confirmed. As she spoke the words, she felt the girl relax into her a little more. The Black Widow started humming the low, soothing song that had helped calm Wanda down in the bathroom. After a while, the girl's breathing became slower and deeper as she lost the battle with consciousness and Natasha allowed herself to follow suit.
/
"How is she?" Steve asked quietly as he walked into the main living room. Natasha looked up from her book at him then glanced down at Wanda who was sleeping with her head in her lap, her face pressed against her stomach. The teenager had scarcely left her side all day, and on the cold, gray-clouded day Natasha indulged in a little relaxation for the both of them after the night they had.
"A little shaken up still but okay." Natasha answered in the same low tone to not disturb her, taking another moment to observe her looking at peace for the time being. Steve sat on the opposite side of the couch from her.
"Poor kid, I can only imagine. Last night was…" He trailed off.
"Scary?"
"Yeah, scary is one word for it." He wiped at his face tiredly.
"She was dreaming about Pietro's blood on her hands and when she woke up…" Natasha trailed off then, letting Steve fill in the blank.
He leaned forward, "Oh my god, she must have been petrified."
"Yeah, we talked though, and I think she's a little better.. Thank you Steve for being there last night. It meant a lot to me, and Wanda I think." Natasha looked at him fondly.
"I didn't do much." He scratched the back of his neck.
"You did more than enough." She told him. "You're good with her."
"No one is as good with her as you are Nat.." After a moment of thought he continued, "I think she reminds me of myself sometimes. Just one day you wake up and everything you've ever known is just gone and you're alone. I want to help make sure she doesn't feel like that."
"I understand." Natasha carefully stroked her hair. "She reminds me of myself too."
They shared a poignant smile then Nat added, "You know you're not alone anymore though, right?"
"I know." His smile growing more affectionate, "And you know you're not alone, right?"
"I know."
There moment was interrupted by the elevator doors swinging open and Sam and Sharon walking out mid-conversation. It woke Wanda up with a little start, but she seemed okay as Natasha gave her a grin and she sat up. Sam noticed them first and saw they had woken Wanda, "Oh sorry guys."
"That's okay. We're the ones in the common space." The spy said blithely though internally her eyebrows raised at the sight of them. Sam and Sharon were not in workout clothes, meaning they had been together but not training. Natasha had started to notice a certain closeness developing between the pair and them spending time together on their lazy day off only confirmed her suspicions.
She then turned her attention to Wanda, "How is your head? Need another Tylenol?"
"No, I'm alright." She suppressed a yawn.
"Okay, do you want to go watch a movie?" Natasha then quickly changed the subject. When Wanda nodded, she turned to the rest of the group, "You guys in?"
"Yeah, I'd love to watch a movie." Steve said cheerfully.
"Sounds good to us." Sharon said for both her and Sam.
"Great, I'll make us some hot chocolate." Natasha reached up and smooth her thumb over Wanda's cheek where she had gotten some sleep lines. "Can you go with Steve and them to the theater room and pick out a movie for us?"
Wanda nodded but it was hesitant. What would have been an easy request just the day before was once again a big ask for her. However Natasha stayed patient and persistent, hoping and knowing she could regain the progress. Everyone stood with the Black Widow splintering off toward the kitchen. She called out teasingly as they parted, "Pick a good one. Don't let Sam talk you into Star Wars. Or Steve talk you into Jurassic Park."
Natasha rolled her eyes as she heard Steve start to say, "You know Wanda, I really liked dinosaurs when I was a kid…"
She did not need to hear him to know what he would say next, so she turned her attention to getting out a pot and clicking on a burner. As she promised, in the few days prior Natasha had looked over some recipes on homemade hot chocolate, as she decided the chocolate powder from a packet was not sufficiently delicious enough. Using baker's chocolate, sugar, milk, a dash of heavy whipping cream and a hint of cinnamon, Natasha thought she achieved the ideal recipe that she thought Wanda would like and the girl enthusiastically agreed. It took a little longer, but it was worth it and soon she was walking into the entertainment room with five mugs of steaming hot chocolate. Sharon and Sam where sitting on one end of the couch close together while Wanda was on the other end though she left a space between her and the arm of the sofa that Natasha could tell was for her to sit in. For some reason they were letting Steve try to figure out how to get the movie started.
"What did we pick?" She asked.
"Singing in the Rain." Wanda looked to her for approval.
"Good pick, milaya." The woman said as she set the tray on the coffee table then passed a mug to her.
"Sharon suggested it." The girl immediately passed along the credit.
Natasha turned and handed the other woman a mug next, "Alright, Sharon. You can stay."
She threw in a wink for Wanda's benefit and Sharon laughed, lifting her cup up in recognition. "Thank you, happy to be here."
"I still can't believe you make this hot chocolate." The Falcon said, reaching for his own cup. Everyone else also agreed her hot chocolate was delicious to the extreme though Sam continued to cast doubt on her abilities in the kitchen. "I once saw you just eat pickles for dinner."
"That was a personal choice, Wilson, and it's just following a recipe." Natasha scoffed, though she had not actually used one recipe for the beverage, instead tweaking it to Wanda's specifications. Still she did not know why the man insisted on dragging out his Nat-can't-cook bit.
"Making something this delicious isn't following a recipe." He said with air quotes. "I'm saying this is real cooking, like joy of cooking for others cooking."
Natasha took her seat resting against the arm of the couch and pulled Wanda against her, holding her across her chest and shoulder but careful to not make her spill her drink as she thoughtfully said, "Well, I guess I just like Wanda better than you."
The pair's conversation was diverted by Steve walking in between them, the beginning movie credits starting behind him. He smiled down at Wanda, "Mind if I sit next to you?"
Wanda stared up at him and nodded. He sat down, not touching but close enough that when he nonchalantly rested his arm over the back of the couch it went passed her and Natasha.
"Alright Wanda, I've been trying to melt these ice blocks since I got here, and you have them turned into mush. You have to tell me your secret." Sam continued to joke around and even though he was trying to make her the butt of it, Natasha appreciated the levity and casualness he brought to them. Wanda was sitting with her legs curled up, gripping her mug with both hands while she waited for her beverage to cool a little more. She looked at Steve who wore a bemused expression and then back at Natasha. The woman could feel she wanted to join in and was trying to figure out how. Finally she locked eyes with Nat and said, "Moi bol'shiye zelenyye glaza?"
The Black Widow laughed in delighted surprise at her words. The witch laughed softer, biting her lip to try and contain a grin. Not bothering to explain it to the other occupants in the room, Natasha agreed, pressing a kiss to her temple, "Yes, Wanda. It's exactly that."
/
Translation: *Moi bol'shiye zelenyye glaza= my big green eyes