Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210. None to Fix You written by Coldplay and produced by Ken Nelson and Coldplay.

Chapter Eight: Fix You

I didn't even need to open my eyes, I knew I was home. As for the bed well it wasn't as familiar as mine, though it was more comfortable, but that was due to the person occupying it with me. Taking a few minutes, I savoured the feeling, breathing in her smell and enjoying the calmness of my mind. It hadn't been this quiet in months, but right now, in this moment with her it was. I could hear the house stirring around us and wondered when Jim would come in and kick me out. Out of her bed and out of the house. He would never allow me this privilege and I had never been so bold to take it before. If he was up then I needed to escape back to Brandon's room quickly- though I'm not sure my body was capable of such a feat. It had been so long since I had held her I wasn't sure that any force on the planet could make me willingly move away.

"You're thinking too hard."

Tightening my arms around the semi conscious Brenda, I move closer to her. I bury my nose in her neck and hair so I can breathe her in, and then I mumble back. "I'm trying to find the strength to leave before Big Jim comes in and finds out where I slept."

She shift's a little moving away but she doesn't totally leave my arms. I begrudgingly accept her need for space. I know I'm not forgiven and I'm only here because she's worried about me, but it's a start. She's talking to me again, she's letting me touch her, and for a moment last night she even touched me. The loving way her finger moved across my face was magical. It set my whole body on fire and cast a spell over me. In that moment I would have told her anything, and I did. I was powerless to fight her magic even though I tried. Waking this morning, after the longest consecutive hours of sleep I have had since Baja, I feel more myself. I know I'm taking alot from her, both in my asking and her offering. I know after what I have done, what I put her through, it's not fair, but not even one goodnight of sleep has the capacity to give me enough will to stop. It actually does the opposite, it strengthens my resolve, I'll do whatever she asks or wants in order to be able to wake like this forever.

"My parents know you slept in here, that's why the door is open."

At that my eyes spring open and my arms tighten around her, pulling her close against me. Shit, they were going to ask me to leave, I can't.

She must feel my mood shift because she doesn't move away, and instead she covers my hands that rest upon her waist with her own. "Hey relax. I asked them last night. They agreed that if you needed to sleep in here, to sleep properly, that you could."

I'm stunned. "Things have certainly changed between your parents and you."

"Yes, they respect my decisions and I respect theirs."

Yeah I'm sure Jim respects all of them, I've seen him agree before and then take it back. "And when they clash?"

"I concede, they concede, or we compromise. I talk to them more about my life, no more secrets, I let them into all parts, so they are more aware of what I'm thinking, and how I'm feeling."

Betrayal runs through me. "You told them then about last night? What I said?"

Hearing the hurt in my tone she turns in my arms to face me. "No. They know you haven't dealt with something, and that it's causing sleep issues but that's it." She breaks our eye contact and stares at my chest. "I wouldn't betray your trust like that, I wouldn't hurt you in such away."

The not like you did, is left unsaid.

"Bren. Baby I"

She instantly moves out of my arms and cuts me off. "We should get up and dressed for school. Do you want the first shower?"

It's like whiplash. The calming open connection is gone and her walls have shot back up. Stunned by the sudden change, I stumble over my words. "No, yeah it's okay, you take the first shower."

As she moves to open the door I sit up and try to make it better, "Bren we should"

Cutting me off again, she talks into the open bathroom rather than turning to face me. "I'll help you as much as I can, but that conversation is off limits. If you want my help, my support you'll need to respect that." And with that she moves into the bathroom and shuts the door.

I fall back on the bed in irritation. Fuck. How can I make her understand if I wasn't able to talk to her about this summer? How can she forgive me?

By the time she's out of the bathroom I have left her room. After my poor attempts to make Bren's bed, I had moved back into Brandon's. As I had entered from the hallway door he simply lifted a questioning eyebrow. "Jones don't ask." He grants my wish, by simply turning back to his task of styling his hair for school.

In less than fifteen minutes I'm showered and dressed, and making my way into the kitchen. Jim refuses to look at me. He knows where I slept, and while I might have grudging permission to sleep next to my girl, he doesn't fucking like it. Cindy offers me coffee and insists that I eat a muffin she has baked fresh this morning. She refused to accept that eating this early wasn't my thing. Bren comes in half way through my coffee, and Jim who has been focused on his newspaper, and quiet since my arrival in the room, raises his head.

"Morning honey." She leans down and kisses his head.

"Morning." She then makes her way to Cindy's seat and gives her mum's shoulders an affectionate squeeze. "Anything interesting in the paper?"

He puts it down and looks at her, "Usual political and business news, though there is a big article in the entertainment section about the success of that new artist Raven."

Brenda moving into the kitchen to grab a coffee, turns her head and teasingly asks her dad. "Are you going to finally admit that she is a client of yours?"

Both Brandon and I turn to Jim. No one knows who the singer is. Donna and Silver have had much debate on it over the school radio. "Dad, have you been holding out on me?"

Amused he responds, "Son you don't usually care who I work with, but all I can say is maybe. I'm sure if I did have anything to do with her, I'd be under an NDA." He then moves to look at me, noting my interest in this news. "Dylan, you like Raven's music?"

"Yeah, the dance tracks are good but there not my usual style. Her ballad versions though, that are also released on her singles are phenomenal. There is something about her voice- it relaxes me."

Bren starts coughing in the kitchen and Cindy jumps up and taps her back. "You okay honey?"

She clears her throat. "Yeah the coffee went down the wrong way."

The rest of the morning and day goes by as usual with some slight adjustments. While Bren declined my invitation for a lift to school, she did walk in with both Brandon and I. She still worked in the student centre at lunch but I could now feel her eyes checking on me as well. It wasn't a big change but it was a start. It had been nearly a month since her birthday, where she had declined my gift and advised me it was time to move on. That had resulted in some dark thoughts, a few broken items, and a near inability to eat. It had been worse than any alcohol fuelled binge I had been on, and if it wasn't for seeing her at school, and Brandon's insistence that I eat with him twice a week at The Pit, I'm sure I would have lost my mind.

At the end of the day I waited for her by her locker. I didn't know if she had work or was heading home but either way I was hoping I could drive her. It had been hours since I had woken up with her and had her all to myself, I was craving more. On seeing me at her locker she asked about my day and what I had been reading at lunch, it was a friendly conversation that we continued to the carpark.

As we approached my car I asked, "Bren can I give you a lift somewhere?"

Before she could answer the blonde tattooed guy, who had an inability to keep his hands to himself got out of his car and yelled out. "Torchy you okay?"

She smiled at him as he approached. "Hey Paul, yeah I'm fine." He looked at her to see if she was being genuine, when he determined she was, he moved over and threw his arm around her shoulder. I fought the urge to rip it off.

Bren sensing my displeasure tried to play peacemaker. "Dylan, you guys didn't get a chance to meet on Saturday. This is my friend Paul."

I didn't want to be friendly but I needed to remove his hand off her, so I stuck mine out in offer of a handshake. Bren smiled at me thankful that I was trying. She didn't realise my true motive, he had to let her go to shake my hand. During the greeting neither of us said a word and we both squeezed a little too tightly for it to be civil, but Bren couldn't tell and looked pleased none the less.

"You ready Torchy?" Seriously what was with the name.

I directed my question at Bren, not wanting to have to engage with him more than I needed to. "Torchy?"

Bren rolled her eyes at the douche, "It's his subtle dig at my names Nordic meaning, Torch and Sword."

"Hey, it's not a dig it's an acknowledgment of how strong and powerful you are. Even your name recognises that." That damn arm, why did he have to throw it back around her as he spoke. "Dylan, wouldn't you agree it suits her?"

The smirk he wore made me well aware that he knew he was bugging me. "Yeah my girl is strong when she needs to be." I didn't add that she was also fragile. He didn't need to know that, Brandon and I were the only ones who got to see that side of her. To everyone else they saw only her strength.

Smiling at my girl, "will you be home for dinner?"

"Yeah Dad will collect me around six-thirty. Are you going straight to the house?"

"I was thinking I'd go for a surf. I haven't been since your birthday." She gave me a sympathetic look, like she knew what had made the last month so difficult for me.

"Good. Are you going to head out after dinner tonight to see your friend?" She was subtle, she didn't say Ben or AA meeting, knowing I wouldn't appreciate him knowing.

"Yeah, I was hoping you would come with me?"

She didn't answer straight away but she nodded her head, then turned her face up to the douche. "We should go." Looking back at me she then wished me luck for a good swell. As they walked away I could hear the dick try and sweet talk her. He had picked up her favourite juice on the way to collect her today, and it was waiting for her in the car. Yeah, he just wants to be friends.

Like she said she would be, she was back at her house for dinner. Once we finished we went to the community centre for the eight-thirty meeting. Ben was pleased to see her and while I went and grabbed her a tea they caught up. On the drive back to her house she finally called me out on what I knew she'd find out by attending the meeting.

"He doesn't know about us?"

"No. I was hoping that we would be back on track before I had to tell him."

She looked down at her hands, from the drivers seat I could see she was wringing them again. It was a new nervous gesture of hers. "You are going to need to tell him. About us, the nightmares, and your fear of me leaving you- he needs to know it all. If you need me to I can be there when you tell him."

Squeezing the steering wheel tight I try and reason with her. "I'm doing better today, I don't think it's needed."

"Dylan we share a number of classes together, and while I know we no longer sit together in them, I still feel your attention on me. You sit outside the student centre at lunch. You are staying in my house. You slept in my bed last night. In the last twenty-four hours, I have probably only been out of your eye-line for six of them. That's not healthy. It's not how I want to live."

As she was speaking we had pulled into her driveway and I turned to face her. "Can I have some more time? It's been a rough month and I'd just like a respite before I have to begin to deal."

She nodded her head in agreement and moved out of the car without saying a word. Once inside she disappeared upstairs to do her homework and I moved to Brandon's room to complete mine. I tried to sleep for a bit on the cot, knowing Bren wanted space, but after an hour of tossing and turning I made my way into her room. She was asleep but she stirred as I lifted the sheets to climb in.

With a sleep filled voice, she lets me know the rules. "No, the agreement I made means the door is open and you are on top of the quilt. The blanket is on the seat."

Damn Jim!

I set myself up and place my arm around her waist. "Night Baby." She doesn't respond.

Tuesday, is much the same as Monday. Except as I walk out of the school alone, having missed her at her locker, I see her getting into the car with all three guys from Saturday night. It annoys me.

I spend the afternoon at my place attempting to clean it. Thinking that I'll ask Bren to come watch a movie over here. It would be nice to be alone with her when we were actually awake.

Dinner that night is just Cindy and Jim, Brandon is at work and I find out Bren also has to work late. It's a little awkward but we finally settle into a conversation about the future. It's not my favourite topic, but the absence of Bren over the last couple of months has made me sure of one thing- we will go to College together. I don't want any long distance shit.

After dinner I offer to do the dishes, it's something Bren and I usually do together, and it makes me feel useful. A couple of hours later Brandon comes home and I begin to get worried that Brenda is still not back. I go downstairs and see Jim is still up.

I move to the window where I had taken up sentinel duty the night she found out about Kel. "Should we be getting worried that she's not home yet?"

Jim looks up from the reports he's reading. "No she's working for most of the night, hopefully she'll be home around three but it could go later."

I'm stunned. "Jim I thought she worked at a recording studio. Why is she needed there so late?"

"She does, but tonight she needed to help out on a music video set, and it will go late."

"You're okay with this? Her maybe missing school tomorrow? Being out somewhere in L.A.?"

He gives me a placating look. "Dylan, Brenda at the end of this semester will have most of her high-school credits. She has completed summer school every year since junior high, has always maintained the maximum course load, and completes all extra credits. Her mother and I aren't worried about her needing to miss a day of school here and there. She loves this new job, we are proud of her, and if it means she occasionally has to work all night, then as long as she is safe we are okay with it."

I didn't like this. All night on a set in L.A., who knows if she is safe. "Maybe I should drive out there and wait for her to finish, make sure she is okay."

My suggestion annoys Jim, he responds in a tone I'm all too familiar with, and sternly tells me no.

Not being able to reason with Jim, I eventually make my way upstairs. I try and get comfy in the cot, but I'm worried about her and want her home. It takes a while but I finally fall into a restless sleep.

I'm back in the alley with Brandon doing the recycling and I hear the gun shot. There is no scream. I run inside. I run through the backroom and push open the swinging doors into the restaurant. I see the blood, it's everywhere. Looking further into the room I see her. She's below the cash register, her body is lifeless. I move over to her, and try and give her CPR, when that doesn't work I beg her to wake up, to not leave me. She's so still.

Her lifeless eyes are the last thing I see as Brandon eventually pulls me out of it. The light in his room is on and his parents are by the door. I'm shaking, covered in sweat and my cheeks are stinging from the tears. Sitting up I immediately rush to the toilet and expunge whatever of dinner is left in my stomach. Eventually, Cindy comes in. She finds me cowering by the toilet afraid to close my eyes and see that image again. Using a face cloth she washes my face and manages to get me to drink some water, to rinse the bile from my mouth. After a couple of attempts they give up on the idea of moving me, and then on getting me to speak.

I can hear them talking in Brandon's room but I have no idea what they are saying. It's a while later when she walks in. She kneels down and lightly touches my face with her fingers. She then begins to speak.

"I hear you had a bad night."

I don't react.

"From what I can make out, were you back in The Pit?"

I look at her.

"Was I hurt?"

I slightly shake my head.

"He killed me."

I nod my head.

I hear a gasp from Brandon's room but I'm too far gone to care.

"It didn't happen."

Maybe it did, maybe this is the dream.

"It wasn't real. He never shot me."

She picks up my hands and places one on her heart and the other against her cheek.

I feel her heart beat and cup her cheek. She's warm.

"See Baby I'm fine. It didn't happen."

It takes me a while but I finally begin to come back to myself. I need to make sure my nightmare wasn't real. I whisper to her. "You're okay?"

She gives me a smile. "Yeah, I'm okay."

We stare at each other for a few minutes. "I'm a little tired though. Do you think you can come lay down with me?"

I nod.

She rises up. I then take her outstretched hands. She leads me into her room and moves back the sheets, encouraging me to get in. I shake my head, I'm not allowed.

"It's okay my parents don't mind." I climb in.

Not wanting to leave me for too long, she moves around the other side of the bed and takes off her shoes, jeans and shirt. She crawls inside the bed in her underwear and a singlet. In less than a second my head is resting on her chest so I can hear her heartbeat.

She runs her hands through my hair and soothingly says, "it's okay, I'm going to help get these nightmares to stop. We'll fix you."

It had been a good night. The video clip shots looked great and I was looking forward to seeing it edited all together. The guys had left the set hours ago. Their contracts were for studio work and had an option for a year of touring, they didn't have to worry about this aspect of the business. It wasn't their name, well their stage name, tied to these creative endeavours.

On pulling up at my house, the driver attempts to get out so he can open my door. I decline his attempt. It was weird enough being driven around by a driver, I didn't need to add the awkward opening up of the door thing. Like my hand would be damaged from lifting a handle.

As I hang up my coat, the tiredness hits me. I would love a shower before bed but it was close to three in the morning and I would wake the whole house. As I climb the stairs I know something isn't right. My parents and Brandon's bedroom lights are on. Following the quiet voices, I move to Brandon's room. My parents and he are in a heated whispered discussion.

"We need to call Ben, he'll know what to do."

"Brandon I'd like to wait for your sister. She seems to have an idea of what's going on with him, and she should be home soon."

"Dad he was thrashing in his sleep and yelling her name. I think this is beyond Brenda's wheelhouse."

Not waiting to hear more I make my self known. "Did he say anything beyond my name?"

My Mum looks over, "Thank God your home. He had a nightmare and has been inconsolable ever since. He's in the bathroom." I tilt my head, I thought he would be in my room trying to calm down. Mum seeing my confusion elaborates. "He was sick after Brandon was able to shake him out of it. I've managed to clean his face and he's had a little water, but he hasn't moved or said anything, he is just staring ahead unblinking."

Fuck. This doesn't sound good.

"Brandon, besides my name did he say anything else?"

He sighs and rubs his hand through his bed hair. "He just kept saying you needed to wake up."

Dylan had described two nightmares to me, one from the holdup and one where we never came to Beverly Hills. It sounds like he was back in the Peach Pit. As I move around Brandon's bed, to go into the bathroom, my brother stops me.

"Should we call Ben?"

"No. Dylan hasn't told him what's going on." I didn't want to add he has told no one but me.

As I look in the room, I see him- he looks broken. I send a silent apology to him. There is no way I can even try and get him out of this state, without my family hearing some of what has been going on with him.

As I speak to him, I ascertain that I wasn't just hurt the night of the holdup. My Mum on hearing he thinks I was killed, gasps.

Trying to tune them out, knowing they are hearing every word, and my Dad is watching from the corner. Dylan would hate them seeing this, hearing this. Even my brother, his brother, is not allowed this deep into Dylan's life. It was a spot I know he reserved for me. In my fear of the summer, I had wondered if Kelly had replaced me there. Though from all I have seen and heard from him over the last seventy-six hours, he refuses to see it as anyone's spot but mine. And it sounds like it's my position for life.

It takes a while but I finally get him off the floor. As I move into my room I know my family has moved into the bathroom to make sure we are okay.

Dylan sweetly tries to follow my Dad's rules but I overrule them tonight. He can barely string words together, I doubt he'll be able to make a move, and Dylan needs to feel me, he needs to be warm. I'm worried that he's in shock, as he's cold to the touch. I don't want to leave him in that state too long.

Moving around my bed I kick off my shoes. Pushing back the sheets I sit on the bed and try and discreetly cover myself with the quilt, in order to take off my jeans and shirt. As I lay on my back, my head against the pillow, Dylan instantly moves over. He places his head on my chest. I imagine to hear my heart and feel me breathe. I run my hand through his hair to soothe him, and begin to whisper softly to him. It will be alright, that we will fix him.

He's asleep within a few minutes. My Mum has tidied the bathroom, and then her and my Dad walk into the room.

Whispering my Dad asks, "Honey are you okay?" I nod my head, not wanting to wake him up.

"He relives the holdup every night, doesn't he?" I nod.

"It has a different outcome though. He sees you getting hurt?" I nod.

"Is it like this every time?" I subtly lift my shoulders to indicate that I don't know. I would hate to think Dylan has been alone in his house going through this. Having no one to talk him down from his fear.

My Dad looks at me for a minute and begins to connect the dots. I'm sure he is recalling a conversation we had a month ago in the middle of the night. Remembering his own words, "sometime after the hold up he became more intense". He nods his head in understanding. He gets what's going on.

After my parents turn off my light, and to my surprise close my door. I look down at the broken man who I know is the love of my life. He's so lost, and has been for a long time. How much of his actions were the result of desire? How many were motivated by his fear? Which choices did he make in a twisted logic, trying to hide what he had been going through? Could I ever trust him again? He is shown me that he is capable of such deceit. Would he do it to me again?

Rubbing my hand through his hair I let all the questions go. Right now the only important thing is to fix him.