Jen was nervous as she walked around stage 24 for the first time in 17 years. Seeing the sets so perfectly reconstructed took her breath away. She was surprised how hard it was to see everything exactly like it used to be, knowing that her castmates and herself were all so different now. They had all lived so much life and endured so much heartache since then. Something about being there made her long for the carefree innocence of that time in their lives when this place was their home and each other were their family. It was so unfair that the world looked so different now. It wasn't until that moment that she realized how reuniting with the past was also an opportunity to face her demons.

She quickly fell into a familiar rhythm with the cast and enjoyed the incessant laughter she had missed so much. Everything felt so natural, except with David. She could hardly bring herself to make eye contact with him. After the ordeal earlier in the day, she was embarrassed. But mainly, she was scared to look at him because of how she was feeling. Maybe it was the nostalgia, but the second she saw David standing on that set, every feeling she worked so hard to push away for all those years came rushing right back.

The day felt a bit tense, almost forced at times. She was obviously acting, which she didn't have to do much of back then, with him. How were they supposed to talk about old feelings for each other in the interview if she couldn't even look at him? Maybe they would need to change the interview questions. It's not like David would have disclosed much detail about it anyway.

She stood in the kitchen with Courteney and Matt as they reminisced about his practical jokes. She noticed David glance over in her direction from over by the couch. He used to do that often - it was something she always noticed. In an entire sea of faces, she would still notice his every time. As she felt his eyes on her, she lost all concentration on the conversation around her. She felt unapologetically drawn to him.

She wondered what he was thinking. She missed the days where their eyes could tell each other everything with just one look - like a secret language between the two of them. They were completely different people now, having lived through marriages, divorces, children, success, failure, and fame. It was a long hard road to find herself and move forward but she was very happy with the life she built and the strength she discovered inside of her.

She wondered how this all came about. Maybe the universe had placed people in her life just to take them away - to teach her the things that beauty could not. Maybe the universe was trying to teach her that all the things she ached for that didn't work out, didn't ruin her, but built her. They led her to the person she was meant to be, and they guided her towards what was meant for her.

She had known heartbreak enough to shatter her mind, and she knew she didn't want to be another tragedy of two hearts afraid to love.

In that moment she was faced with the stark realization that she didn't need him anymore… she wanted him.

As the rest of the cast reminisced about pranks in the kitchen, she slowly walked towards him as they slipped into their own little world near the couch.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be this hard when I got here", she said quietly.

He acknowledged her with a nod of his head as to not attract any attention to them. Their friends had been in their business for years. For some reason this seemed like something that should stay between them this time. "Can we talk later?"

"Sure. Usual place?"

Her heart fluttered. He had to blink his eyes to make sure it was still 2021.

A fleeting glimmer of hope escaped her voice. "Yeah, same place…"

--

{ 2004 }

"Come on, I know a great place we can go", David told the others.

Within a few minutes, she had ascended the stairs to the loft with Courteney, Matt, and David. Her friends explored the space and excitedly sat down on the edge with their feet dangling off the side as they watched the sets below them disappear before their eyes.

As she settled herself between Courteney and David, she couldn't help but look around the loft, as so many memories of nights spent up there with him filled her thoughts. She hadn't been up there in years. It all stopped when Brad came into the picture. It should have stopped years before that when Jimmy warned against it, but she and David quickly realized they couldn't stay away from each other, and discovered a comfortable 'friendship' that still guaranteed them time alone in their secret place.

She thought back on their time before Brad. They had both been in relationships but neither of them seemed to be able to go the distance. Maybe that was because neither of them was willing to actually close the door on each other completely. They always left a little room in their hearts for each other, knowing that a relationship was impossible, but being apart was not an option. The connection they shared was too magnetic, too undeniable.

When Brad came along it was unexpected. She had been set up with him blindly by her agent, and while nervous to date such a huge name, she couldn't help but be giddy and excited about the thought. Turns out, she was right. He swept her off her feet in an instant with his boyish charm and devilish good looks. Being with Brad was easy. It wasn't messy, it didn't have risks, and it just made sense. The life he was willing to give her was glamorous and exciting and impossible to turn down. And before she knew it, she was engaged.

She didn't think about David throughout all of this because she simply didn't allow herself to. Though no conversations were had about it on either side, she knew he was in a serious relationship too. She could see in his eyes that it hurt him, and it hurt her too, but she put on a happy face like she knew he was also doing, and they both carried on… because it was just easier that way.

As the years passed, she began to feel a shift in her marriage. They didn't have as much to talk about anymore. They didn't laugh as much as they used to. She found herself wishing she could be on set instead of with him. Quite often, she did just that since he stopped coming home for days at a time. He said he was busy with filming, but something in the pit of her stomach told her that it was more than that.

On this particular day, she had asked him to be there because she wanted his support on the last day of filming. He said he would try to make it, but as she looked around in between takes earlier that afternoon, she saw friends and spouses of her castmates… but Brad was nowhere to be seen. Her heart ached. Real love is effortless - like a friendship on fire. It's two people who want each other in their lives without forcing each other to stay. She and Brad were just existing. Anytime she thought about the one person in her life she never wanted to leave, only one person came to mind. David.

Ever since Brad guest starred on the show, he never stepped foot on that set again. In fact, since that time he had asked her frequently to quit the show. She had to admit, she was often with David during that day of filming, but that's just how it always was. He was her support during filming. He always had been, and after 8 years, she didn't see it any other way.

How different would her life be right now if she had waited for him like he asked? If she hadn't given in to the pressure of fame and convenience and settled for Brad? With Brad, she learned the difference between attraction and compatibility. She got everything she was starving for, but nothing really satisfied her.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the pop of a champagne bottle.

"Champagne, anyone?" Courteney asked.

They passed around glasses and shared stories and memories for hours as they laughed and cried and peered down on the ever-emptying set. She cherished this time. She couldn't help but think about how every minute that passed by brought her a little closer to having to say goodbye. Goodbye to her job… to Rachel Green… to her friends that were her family… and especially to David. She refused to accept that it was real.

She spent ten years with David right there, always knowing he wasn't ever very far away. But it was in that moment in the loft when she realized that he wouldn't always be there, and it scared her to death. He owned a part of her heart. She didn't need him to become something. She had become something on her own… but with him, she was something even better.

They hadn't had a minute alone since she lost it on camera during their last scene together. She was thankful for Matt and Courteney who helped buffer the pain that an inevitable conversation would cause. It was just easier this way. Soon he would go to New York and start a new life, and she would stay here in a marriage that was crumbling right in front of her. If only she had the courage to say something… to admit that she made a mistake.

She knew they would never be lovers...but they definitely weren't friends either. Even though the secret touches and meet ups had stopped, the looks didn't. One thing she knew about David was that his eyes never lied. Every time he looked at her, his dark eyes burned a hole straight through her heart. They always say you can't tell much from a look, but his eyes always spilled out a thousand words, leaving her with a twinge of guilt in her stomach, asking 'what if?'

The group grew quiet as they sat together, just enjoying each other and soaking up their last moments together. Suddenly, she felt his hand gently find its way on top of hers. She looked at him and forced a smile as a tear rolled down her cheek. Pretending not to love him was the hardest thing she had ever done.