Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210. None to Linger written by Dolores O'Riordan and Noel Hogan, produced by Stephen Street, and performed by The Cranberries.

Chapter Nine: Linger

I woke the next morning, well and truly after the start of school. It had been a big day yesterday and ended up being an emotional night. He was still sleeping beside me, or underneath me, I couldn't quite tell. Somehow in the middle of the night we had shifted, from him resting on me, to me burrowed into his chest and our legs tangled together. Not being able to move without waking him, I lay there contemplating the last few days. Since walking into The Pit on Saturday night I had gone on a rollercoaster of emotions from joy, anger, pain, confusion, fear, concern, resigned, sympathy, regret- and they were only the ones when I had been in his company. It had taken just over two days to end up here, putting him first and my needs second. But what was I supposed to do, abandon him to face this alone? Be exactly like his parents. When it gets too hard leave him like his dad, or when any personal sacrifice is required leave him like his mum. I didn't want to do that to him. From everything I know, I was the first person he chose to let in, I wasn't a genetic predisposition like his parents. He had willingly allowed me in this deep. He didn't have to do that. Loving me didn't require this much access this young. I should know as I hadn't given him the same.

When I returned from Paris I didn't tell him about David and Camille, I didn't discuss my music. I kept that hidden from him. It wasn't the events or the people that I had kept him away from, that wasn't my concern, I had kept him away from my insecurity. I didn't know why I didn't trust him with it, maybe I was afraid it didn't fit his image, wasn't cool. Maybe the poetry lover would see my lyrics as immature or badly written. Or maybe he'd get mad, like when I tried to write about my experience of when I thought I was pregnant. We really were a house of cards. Nothing about us was stable. We had glued his addiction, abandonment issues and my insecurities together with our love. I had tied my self-esteem, my worth to him and he had tied his sense of security and stability to me. It was unhealthy.

He runs his hand through my hair. "What has you so deep in thought?"

I turn my body and lean on his chest to see his face. He looks depleted. "How are you feeling?"

"You're avoiding, but who am I to call you out for it. I'm okay. A bit embarrassed that Brandon and your parents saw. Upset that I put you through that."

Trying to lighten the mood I teasingly ask. "You're not embarrassed that I saw that?"

He see's what I'm trying to do and tickles my sides, "You digging for a compliment?"

I squirm away from his hands and he stops. Pulling me closer to him again. It reminds me how exposed I am to him. "Believe me I'd prefer you not to see me like that, but I've shared that side of myself since our first date. You seem to always see me lose my cool."

"You haven't always shared it." It took him six months to tell me what was going on. If he had done so earlier would my parents have banned us from seeing each other, would I have run away, would I have gone to Paris, would his summer have happened, would my music career be happening? Would I give up my career to prevent this summer? I know I'd give it up to stop his pain. Though was that me putting him first again? Camille told me not to be a doormat, does the fact that I'm helping him make me one? My head hurts. I need to talk to Camille and David - this is too much for me alone to deal with.

As my mind is running wild with what if's, Dylan responds. "I'm sorry for that, but I thought I could deal with it myself, and then it was too late and I didn't want to scare you. I didn't want you to leave me… but you left anyway."

"We should get up." I move out of his arms and reach down by the bed to grab my jeans. As I'm climbing back into them I try and prevent him from seeing me in my underwear.

"Baby, you do remember that I know every inch of your skin." I don't respond to his amused tone and begin to move around the room putting my shoes away from last night. My silence makes him lose all sense of amusement. "So, I'm not allowed to see you anymore is that it?"

I begin looking through my wardrobe for something to wear today. I'm not in the studio this afternoon so it's a rare day off for me. I imagine it's going to be emotional around here, and therefore I doubt I'll want to go out. As I look for a casual outfit I respond to his question. "Dylan, we aren't together."

He makes a noise between a sigh and a growl. "How long are you going to keep punishing me for a stupid mistake?"

As I breathe in through my nose I count to ten before I answer. "We had a deal, I'll help you but only if you respect that this conversation is off limits."

I can hear him climb out of bed. "Brenda, I made no such deal, you demanded it and then shut the door. You keep refusing to talk about it, I've given you two months, it's enough already."

I count to ten. Nope still mad. I count another ten. Yep still want to bite his head off. I start coaching myself, he's going through a terrible time, he had a traumatic night, be the bigger person.

"So we are back to the silent treatment again. Fucking brilliant. You are being childish, this needs to be discussed."

Oh, fuck him!

I turn around. "You want to discuss it. What shall we discuss first? How used I feel, how dirty? Should we discuss how far it went? Or how many girls there actually were? Should we go over the fun story of how your actions made me get tested for a range of sexually transmitted diseases and how for days I waited on the results? Wondering how someone who claimed to love me put me in that position. What about how I doubt everything you've ever said, how I trusted you both so much that I'm convinced that my own judgment is flawed? How I wonder if I was a game to you, a conquest? Maybe her placeholder, I mean you do prefer blondes don't you? Should we discuss how long it actually went on, was it the whole time we were together? Or what about how not one of our supposed friends was on my side? How my brother, my twin, took your side? Maybe we could unpack what is so wrong with me, that not only you could treat me so badly but everyone else I trusted has as well? No, you could help me analyse the last two years and try to figure out when I became so meaningless to you all? Or how the only way I can be here like this- what we've had over the last few days, is to put that rule in place, because without it I couldn't do this for you? Tell me Dylan where shall we start? What shall we discuss first?"

My anger had deflated him. He looked in shock. After a minute of him not responding, not moving a muscle, I picked up my chosen clothes and moved to the bathroom. But before I shut the door I gave him one last warning. "You have a choice, I'll help you fix what is going on, or we can discuss my list. I've given you enough of me, you can't have both."

Closing the door I breakdown, refusing to let him hear me I turn on the water. After a few minutes I gain back some control and move to get ready for the day.

A half hour later I walk into the kitchen. I'm surprised to find both my parents. To try and keep it light I throw out a teasing remark. "Playing hooky Dad?"

He gives me a sympathetic look, one that wasn't aimed at me last night. Shit- they heard. Shaking my head at him I try and communicate that I'm not ready to talk about it. He get's it. Trying to follow my lead he responds back. "Two of my clients had emergencies that needed me today, so here I am."

"Crap. I know how much you bill by the hour, this is going to cost me a fortune."

"You can afford it, believe me." That makes me raise an eyebrow. I know my royalties have been coming in sporadically, but I'm guessing since my last statement from his office there has been an increase.

Excitingly, I ask. "Enough to buy a car?"

He laughs."For each day of the week, and a place to store them."

Well that's interesting.

I walk over to the coffee pot. "Regardless, the idiot upstairs is copping today's bill." As I pour myself a cup, Dylan walks in freshly showered. "It's the least he can do for fighting with me before coffee."

Dylan holds my eyes and offers me a silent apology.

"Whatever she wants me to do I'll do it."

"Excellent. We are in agreement then Dad."

Dylan goes to get a coffee himself. "Do I get to know what I have agreed to?"

I grumble under my breath as I walk to the table. "Does it matter? It's not like you'll keep your word."

"Bren."

Shit. Okay so I need to work on my quiet mumbling skills.

Ignoring Dylan I look at my Mum. "Did Brandon go to school?"

"Yes, he wanted to stay but your Dad and I wanted to talk to you both alone."

Dylan comes to sit down taking the only spare seat, the one to my left. Knowing this conversation will be hard on him. I nudge his leg with mine. He gets that I'm calling a truce for the time being and reaches out and covers my hand with his. I turn mine over and lace our fingers together. Neither of our actions escape my parents notice.

My Dad starts. "Iris returned our phone call this morning. She will be arranging a flight out ASAP but asked for you both to call her when you got up."

Dylan looks at me. "Iris?"

"You need support."

"I have you."

"Yes and your mum isn't going to change that, but… I'd like her here." He looks at me in a silent debate, I can see him listing off all her failures, all the things that drive him crazy about her. I squeeze his hand. "I'd like her here- okay?"

He nods in agreement and turns back to my Dad.

"Dylan, I know you haven't been sleeping well, but was last night the first time that has happened?"

He looks down at the table. "No."

I squeeze his hand.

"Does it happen regularly?"

"Enough that I know how to ride them out."

My Dad asks the question on my mind. "How? Even with the three of us we couldn't snap you out of it. Brenda was the only one you responded to."

He stares at our hands and tries to get the will to answer my Dad. This conversation is hard for him as he hates admitting weakness. I rub one of my fingers against his. At that he lifts our hands off the table and rests them on his thigh. Still looking at the table he answers my Dad. "When it gets light enough, I can usually pull myself from it, well enough to check and make sure it's not real, or I guess to see if it is. Before the summer, and after Bren came back, I'd surprise her those mornings by picking her up for school, or calling to wish her a good morning. When she was gone I'd find Brandon or…"

He moves his other hand and encases mine in both of his, as if he was trying to protect me from the reference of her. "To check if anyone had heard from her. It was a way for me to prove to myself that I was remembering that night wrong. Since… well over the last couple of months, I wait for her and Brandon to drive into the carpark for school."

"And it's always about the holdup?"

"Majority of the time. Another two have popped in the rotation."

What was the third?

"They all centre around Bren being taken away."

My Dad is quiet for a few minutes. "Dylan you know this isn't healthy. I accept that you feel strongly for my daughter but this isn't normal."

Dylan having spent the majority of the conversation looking at the table, lifts his head to face my Dad. "Jim, I love your daughter, and not in a high school romance way. If we would have met when we were older, I don't even think I could have lasted the week before I proposed."

Seriously, the man freaks out at the word college but can tell my Dad he wants or wanted to marry me.

"But I do know my fear from that night, of her being hurt, has got too much, and… well it has caused a lot of damage."

Understatement.

My Mum who has sat patiently listening, uses her most caring mum voice. "Dylan, if I arranged an appointment with the Doctor Brenda saw after the holdup, will you go?"

He looks at me asking what he should do. I can't answer for him. Too much of his security is based around me. He has to want to get better. He squeezes my hand and looks at my Mum. "Yeah okay."

She smiles at him. "Good. I'll go and call now."

When Mum is gone, Dad looks at us both. "Until your mum arrives we'd like for you to stay here. I take it sleeping next to Brenda stops the nightmares?"

"Yes."

"Well, considering the circumstances and as long as Brenda allows it, then you can stay in there with her, but the door stays open." He turns to look at me.

"Brenda you're in charge. You've already done more than can be expected given the situation, but I trust you to know and set your limits."

"Thanks Dad." Giving Dylan a pointed look I continue. "Dylan understands my boundaries now, don't you?"

He unclasps one of his hands that were wrapped around mine, and then moves a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Yes. You're in charge, I won't push."

Needing a break from this I stand and gently pull at my hand. Dylan releases it. "I'm making some yoghurt and fruit. Would you like some?"

He moves to follow me into the kitchen. "No thanks, I'll just make myself some toast."

Wanting to prevent further conversation I turn the radio on, and as my luck would have it, it's one of my songs. As I wash the berries, I look out the window amused that I'm staring out at the yard I wrote it about. I didn't realise I had begun to sing along. Dad moves quickly on hearing me, and comes over to the sink. Though it's a little too late.

"So how was last night?" "Bren I didn't know you could sing, why haven't I heard you do it before?"

Fuck!

I turn to answer Dylan first. "Oh it must be from being around all those musicians at work." Okay so it didn't actually answer his question but it was sort of on topic.

Trying to move past my slip I answered my Dads. "The filming ran smoothly and I learnt so much, from what I saw it looked great."

My Dad loving being on the inside of a secret keeps pushing. "Will you be on camera?"

He's a stirrer, he knows that it's not apart of the Labels marketing plan. All the music videos are designed to be little mini narratives and since their my words, my music, and my name I have creative control. Damn perfectionism.

"No. I spent most of the night working around the crew."

Thankfully, as Dylan and I are moving back to the table with our late breakfast my Mum comes in. "Dylan she's had a cancellation so she can see you at midday today."

Thank god.

He looks over at me. "Will you come with me?"

My first instinct is to agree, but I don't want him to get used to me being there. He most likely will need a few weeks if not a couple of months of sessions. I can't imagine this is all about the holdup. He has mentioned both his parents abandonment, hell he even asked on Sunday night what was wrong with him that he keeps getting left, mentioning his parents and every time I ran. I think the holdup has opened a box of pain that he needs to process. Deciding that I can't be his security, I answer him. "I think this one you do without me. I'll be here though when you get back- if you want to talk."

I can see that's not the answer he wanted to hear but he doesn't push the point. It's a small but positive step for him in starting to respect my boundaries.

On finishing breakfast we return to my room, well I guess for the time being it's actually both of ours, and call Iris. As he speaks to his mum I move to pack up the cot in Brandon's, as there is no point taking up valuable floor space in his crowded room. As I fold the last of the blankets I feel him behind me and look over my shoulder. "She wants to speak to you."

I take the phone and walk past Dylan and sit on my window seat. Iris is naturally concerned about Dylan and about me. After I have reassured her I am fine she begins to discuss her son and I.

"Brenda he just told me you guys are going through something, that he stuffed up. That he hurt you and you can't forgive him. My son couldn't say it but your parents told me you broke up two months ago." She pauses choosing her words. "The earring?"

She can't say the words either, and it reinforces my belief that his avoidance is genetic. "Yes. It was Kelly's my best friend."

She breathes out. "Brenda darling, you aren't fine, are you?"

"I'm…" I look up and see him standing sheepishly in the bathroom- I close my eyes and breathe out. One step forward two steps back. Did he hear her name and come running?

"It's been a big few months."

"I won't push for more but it explains the cards I've been drawing around you."

"You read my tarot?" It makes me smile. We had a bumpy start but since our acknowledgment of our love for Dylan we had bonded.

"Of course darling, you are family I draw cards on both of you daily."

I smile and look at Dylan, he's still hovering by the bathroom door. "How's Dylan's cards been?" He gives me a look like he doesn't want me to encourage her crazy.

"Well my conversations with your parents and you both, are starting to make sense of a few of them. Though a lot have been around his love for you, as they were about hope and commitment. I thought they indicated positive things were taking place for you both, especially as your's have been about a journey, an awakening of something within. I was thinking they aligned, but I'm now going to have to reinterpret everything I have read."

I look at the time, Dylan will have to go soon. Traffic in L.A. can be unpredictable and this is an appointment he needs to be on time for. Changing the subject I clarify the flight information she gave Dylan. "So you fly out tomorrow morning? And land at Lax at five?"

"Yes, unfortunately I couldn't get an earlier flight off Maui so I leave on the 6am one tomorrow."

"Where will you stay?"

"I'm hoping Dylan's, though I know since I returned to Hawaii after our failed attempts of living together, that he keeps the back sunroom as storage since he closed the family locker."

"Yes, but we have time this afternoon. I'm sure I can restore it to a nice sleeping place for you."

"You are not your typical scorp, you don't possess the power hungry devious streak, but you do have the unparalleled commitment, empathy and depth for the ones you love and trust. Even when that trust has been broken. You darling are amazing, and please don't ever forget that."

With a watery smile I thank her for her kind words and say my goodbyes. I pass the phone back to Dylan who stays in the room. As I begin to make a list to make his place habitable for Iris, I hear Dylan's side of the conversation.

"Yes, I know I'm lucky to have her in my life."

" No, I'm not trying to be like him."

"Iris I know."

"Mum! I know!"

"Look, I have to get going if I want to get to the doctors on time."

"I'll see you then. Have a safe flight."

He groans as he puts the cordless down on the window seat next to me. "You really want her here?"

Not looking up from my list I answer. "Yes."

He breathes out his frustration. "What are you doing?"

"Writing down a list of everything we need to do, to make your backroom back into a bedroom."

"Why? If Mum wants to stay at my place she can take my room."

I look at him. It takes a few moments but he finally gets it, and sadly says. "Though, I'll have to go back there eventually."

Seeing the pain that runs through his eyes I try and soothe him. "You go to your appointment and I'll go start sorting out your place. As for the other, let's wait for the doctors advice on how best to get you sleeping again."

On his way to his appointment he drops me at his place. He told me he tried to clean up the place yesterday. When I asked why, he said he was hoping we could go over there this week to watch a movie or have dinner together. It's a reminder that he doesn't get my boundaries.

On walking in, I am hit with a mountain of memories of us together, happy. But as I look at the futon and recall the earring, I wonder what events led it to being there. I close my eyes and try and fight the desire to burn it. Considering my emotional state I decide Dylan can clean his own fucking lounge room. As I move into the hallway I pass Dylan's door- did she go in there? Trying to push past those images, that makes bile rise in my throat, I add his bedroom to the list of his problems to worry about. It's nearly two hours later before I feel him behind me. I turn in surprise. "I didn't hear you come in."

"What are you listening to? Grunge rock isn't your usual style of music."

"Hey, some of it is good. Chris lent me their album a few weeks ago and they are talented."

"He was one of the guys at The Pit on Saturday, he's the one that drove you home that night and picked you up yesterday?"

"Yeah we work together but he's become a good friend. He's obsessed with music, so he spends hours trying to culture me."

He grumbles annoyed that I'm spending time with my friend. "Do you work with any females?"

I snap. "Why looking for another conquest?"

He looks down but doesn't say anything in return. I count to thirty before I speak, in a much calmer tone. "The kitchen and bathroom are clean, with product, and I've located the bed in here but there are some boxes over there that you'll need to go through."

"Thank you. You know you didn't have to do all this?"

I try and remove the tension and tease him. "Well since you have an aversion to items that kill germs someone has to do it."

"They are bad for the environment."

"And I've told you I use the most environmentally friendly ones but if you want all natural you are going to have to make them yourself- they don't exist."

"Maybe I will, it certainly would keep the bay cleaner." Pointing to the door, "I picked us up a late lunch, do you want to come and eat?"

I go and wash my hands and then move out to the main room. Damn he's set up the food in the living room, and he is sitting in the armchair. "We should eat at the table?"

"I didn't want to mess up where you have already cleaned."

Damn.

I hover trying to figure out what to do. If I sit on the floor he'll ask.

"Are you going to sit and eat?"

Fuck it.

"Could you please move seats? I'd like the armchair."

He looks at me strangely, but begins to see my aversion to the couch - he figures it out. He moves over without another word and we start to eat our mega burgers in silence.

After I have composed myself I ask. "Do you want to talk about how it went?"

"She's nice. I described the nightmares and what happens. She thinks they are night terrors. She says it was good that I came to see her as they don't usually occur at this age unless brought on by stress or alcohol use. She asked if they were alcohol related, and that led to us discussing my history. She thinks it's interesting that they started so soon into my recovery, less than a year into my sobriety. Apart from bouts of abstinence that lasted a few weeks or a couple of months maximum, they started when I had been the longest time clean since I was just a kid."

"Wasn't sophomore year longer?"

"From our first date to our breakup was the longest stretch up until that point, but I drank that summer as you know and was on pain relief for my ribs for a few weeks. They shouldn't have subscribed that with my previous addictions, but I didn't think it through at the time."

"What is she thinking?"

"She wants me to see her twice a week for a bit. She didn't put a name to it as it was only an hour but she seems to think that the holdup and my fear of losing you has raised some issues."

He looked down then as if choosing his words carefully.

"The lack of sleep for it to have gone on this long is dangerous. She says it effects my cognitive ability, things like memory, processing and reasoning. She thought about putting me on sleeping tablets to give me dreamless sleep but with my history I'd be at a greater risk of getting addicted. I told her that you keep them away. She wanted to ask if I could continue staying with you a little longer until I'm not so sleep deprived."

He looks up then as if trying to convince me. "I gave consent for you to know about my treatment, so if you want to call her to discuss this or anything we talk about you can. I also gave restricted consent for her to talk to your parents about me staying with you until I'm not so sleep deprived."

He hasn't given a time frame but I can't imagine over 6 months of a few hours of sleep each night it would be sorted by the end of the week.

He looks concerned as if bracing for an impact. "Also since your eighteen now I put you down as my emergency contact. Since I've been emancipated it was Jim, managing my money means he knows all my insurance details but I'd prefer you. I know I'm asking a lot and…" he looks down at his hands. "We aren't together but you are still the only one I trust, even if you are no longer able to trust me. If you don't want to, if it's too much I can ask Brandon." The last few words had come out so quietly like he didn't want to give them too much oxygen.

I reach out and cover his hand. "I said I'd help get you through this- I meant it."

He picks up my hand and places a gentle kiss on it. "Thank you."

We sit for a moment more. "We should finish off setting up the house for Iris. You have the boxes to go through, your bedroom, and…" rising up to move away I give a disgusted look at the couch, "this room."

Before I make it to the hallway he calls out. "Baby."

I stop but don't turn around.

"I know you don't want to talk about it and I won't, but this has been our place, well in my mind, for as long as I've owned it. No one has ever been in my room, in our bed ever. I haven't been that way with anyone but you since I saw you at my locker. It never went very far, but I know even the thought was too far. For what it's worth I am sorry. I know that's not enough. This morning, I get it. I didn't, couldn't see past my needs, my pain before. I'm starting to get it now."

I don't acknowledge what he has said but continue walking into the back room.

Over an hour later the house is ready for Iris's extended stay and we arrive home. As Dylan gives an abridged version of his appointment I support him by staying in the room, but leave as soon as he is finished. I grab my notebook and sit on my window seat. Dylan sensing that I need space helps Mum with dinner. As I doodle I work through my emotions of the last 24 hours, the words fix keep appearing. An hour later I have written a song that I'm excited to record. I ring the studio and book a space and then call the guys- they are all in for night recording. Quickly I shower to remove the grime from the day and then get dressed. As I leave my room I hear the doorbell. Making my way downstairs I see Dad greeting the guys with handshakes and a warm smile. He asks if I'm expecting them.

"Yeah. Boss decided they wanted to work tonight so here we are." AJ gives the brief explanation.

Paul seeing me walk down the stairs greets me. "Torchy."

As I make it to the bottom of the stairs the kitchen door opens with Dylan and Brandon carrying dinner and Mum following behind them with a pitcher of water. Seeing the guys she puts the jug down and comes over to welcome them.

"I didn't know you boys were dropping by tonight. Are you here for dinner?"

Chris responds first. "Hi Cindy, no we aren't but I am going through withdrawals from your cooking since this one here," he gives me a friendly glare, "cancelled our usual Tuesday dinner this week."

"Well Chris you know you are all welcome here anytime and there is plenty if you want to stay tonight; it's Roast chicken, potatoes and salad."

The three of them turn to me with pleading eyes. Then as if by silent arrangement they all start begging. "Brenda pleaseeeeee!", "Torchy we are starving." "Bren your Mum's roast chicken is the best."

From the corner of my eye I see Dylan and Brandon moving into the entry way, neither look happy.

Giving the guys an amused look. "I'll order you pizza. Come on."

Brandon jumps in then, he's annoyed. "You going out? I thought we were having a family dinner."

"We actually need to work tonight." Giving the guys a subtle nod in the direction of the car they give my parents a wave and advise me they'll be waiting.

Not deterred he continues. "You can't tell your boss you can't tonight? We haven't had a family dinner together in a week. And considering everything I think it would be good if we did."

My Dad jumps in. "Brandon your sister needs to work, your mother and I understand that."

"Thanks Dad." I grab my coat and kiss both my parents on the cheek.

As neither of my parents ask- knowing that I only record at night if I'm excited to lay the track and that means I could be there a while, Dylan is forced to ask the question himself. "What time will you be back? Do you need me to pick you up at the end of your shift?"

"No the guys will drop me back and I'll be home hopefully around eleven."

With that I leave.

The guys and I had a magical night, and while the song was no where near completed, it had direction. The hours in the studio had worked to centre me and give me the me time that I was currently lacking at home. I could see that for however long he was staying I'd be escaping to the studio more.

Just before midnight I arrive home. Going into my room I'm hit with the weirdness of seeing him reading in my bed. It had been a dream of mine to come home to him, to his arms. Now they created such a paradox. They were warm, comforting, I loved them. They had been my favourite place. Now they were also a place of hurt, betrayal and rejection. His words this afternoon had helped but it was like a bandaid on a surgical cut, it wouldn't fix anything but maybe buy some more time before we bled out.

"Hey, did you have a goodnight?"

"Yeah the studio was busy, it had a good buzz to it." I went to my draw and grabbed my pj's and then moved into the bathroom to get ready for bed.

On my return I climbed into the bed on what I guess was my side now. It was a little awkward, Dylan put his book down and turned off the lights. We were both quiet for a few minutes listening to each other breathe. Eventually, Dylan tried to break the tension by whispering into the room, "this isn't us."

I breathe deeply out, "no… but maybe it's the new us."

We both lay there in the quiet for a few minutes. "This feels unnatural, like I'm going against my instinct… you feel it too, don't you?"

Yes I felt it. This wasn't how we were supposed to be, I should be in his arms, but he did this to us, and now I was also forced to punish myself by denying what was natural to me as well. While he does the damage and receives only rewards.

My musical zen of the last few hours is gone.

"Yes." I turn over and face the opposite way.

He respects my boundary.

We slept through the night, and I didn't hear him wake. I'm not sure if my body caved and connected with his, or if we stayed apart, but when I woke up he was out of the bed. The bathroom light wasn't on and my bedroom door was closed. Rolling over I looked at the clock, it wasn't time for school yet. I reached out and felt his side of the bed, it was cold. Moving my arm I reached for his pillow and breathed in.

I relaxed. He had been there. His Dylan smell still lingered.