Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210. None to Memories (feat. Kid Cudi) 2021 Remix written by David Guetta, Scott Mescudi and Frédéric Riesterer produced by David Guetta and Frédéric Riesterer performed by David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi.
Chapter Fourteen: Memories (David's Track)
The pull on my hand indicated she wanted to leave. If I hadn't turned my head, breaking my murderous glare at my so called brother and seen her eyes, I wouldn't have complied with her subtle request. But she needed to leave more than she needed me to call out her twin. That could wait until she was secure. We moved past the gang, who each wore a shell shocked expression. The twins never fought in public, their loyalty had appeared up until the summer infallible. Though now standing in the elevator holding her, recalling the last few months I could see the cracks had started to appear. He hadn't been so vocal in championing his sister. The usual indulgent and amused expression he wore when Bren was in fine form, had also been slowly replaced with tiredness, and what I now realised annoyance.
We made it back to our room before I noticed that she had begun to tremble. She wasn't crying but she looked like she was going into shock. I led her to the bed, and she sat on the edge. I then kneeled in front of her trying to read her.
"Baby are you cold?" She nodded.
Looking at her I could understand why, we had danced for hours. We had left the club sweaty and warm, downstairs adrenaline had run through both our systems, and that was also beginning to leave. My Doctor had advised that is when shock could kick in. Looking at us both we would need showers but I didn't think she was aware enough for that. I left her then and began running a bath. Moving back into the bedroom, I kneeled down and removed her shoes and then started to take her shirt and pants off. She was so lost in thought she didn't say a word but she helped my actions by moving with me.
I eventually led her to the bathroom and checked the temperature. As I cut off the taps she removed her underwear and stepped into the bath. She was still shaking, but hopefully the warmth of the water would stop that. I quickly moved back to the main room and grabbed her a bottle of water and made my way back to her.
"Baby there is a bottle of water on the floor, try and drink some. If you need me I'll be in our room."
As I went to leave, she quietly called out.
"No stay."
I turned to look at her. It had been the first words she had spoken since walking away from Brandon. She then did something surprising, she moved forward in the bath. Taking the hint I quickly got undressed and moved to sit behind her. She immediately moved back to rest on my chest and I wrapped my arms around her.
We lay there a while not saying a word. Though she eventually spoke in almost a monotone voice, void of any emotion.
"I didn't know he was so angry at me. How could I have not realised that? You know he is right I did leave him, I remember feeling guilty about it on the plane back, knowing I needed to prioritise our bond, but I wanted to make sure you, we were okay first. I had felt guilty for putting you through my family drama and knew I had created instability, something Ben had advised us to avoid this soon into your recovery. My goal was to sort us out- even give you up if I couldn't make my parents accept us, I didn't want to risk your sobriety for my selfish need to be with you." I didn't know that she would have given me, us up on her return in fear for me. How bad must I have been before she left?
"But then my parents were cool, and we started Senior year. I knew something was off. I had asked Kelly about it on my return, the day of the sand castle competition. You were being too eager, too nice. I thought it was guilt and asked Kelly if she had seen you with anyone over the summer." Fuck.
"She lied, though I didn't know it then. I think that was her first one. Anyway Senior year started and I was focusing on us bringing back normalcy, in my desire for control perfection OCD, whatever you want to call it I started to want to plan our next step. Get you ready for a life adjustment that Ben had warned me could be challenging. You of course rebelled against it, and so my focus stayed on you, us. Then the earring, and well you know the rest. But I never returned to the plan I made on the plane, I never sorted out Brandon and I."
She went quiet, but I knew she didn't want me to speak.
"When we were kids we learnt really quickly that we could feel the other's extreme emotions, that we were connected. We also didn't like being away from the other, we didn't get fearful like you feel, but we got frustrated like being buzzed repeatedly by a fly. There was an annoyance created by our separation. Since we were kids we have our routines, even with him being so angry he maintained them. Driving me to school to go over our days- so we knew where the other was. His still makes sure to stop by, see me throughout the day. He walks past the student centre at the start of lunch on the way to meet the gang or go to the newsroom, he waits till our eyes meet and then moves on. At night we stop by the others room, like you know." She goes quiet again.
"He never stopped the routines, but I did at times. I ran away. Went to Paris and didn't check in enough, I work late into the night without telling him. He's asleep when I get home. When he pushed me to immediately sort this out with you, I pulled even further back from him, retreated more." She starts running her fingers over my arm.
"I think though he could have managed all that, if I hadn't… he knows I don't see him any longer as my other half. You, from the first time I met you at your locker it became you."
"Baby that's normal. You couldn't live forever with Brandon."
"But it wasn't supposed to happen at sixteen, it wasn't supposed to happen all at once. I was supposed to date, have a high school type relationship- that wasn't us." She went quiet again.
"He hated the idea of us from the start, warned me away. He got angry about you staying with me in Palm Springs, got angry that I left you at the start of summer. He assumed that I had broken up with you after we thought you had gotten pregnant." I spread my palm out on her flat stomach. While we would have been way to young, I do wonder what would have happened if she had been. He would be standing a little by now, maybe even at the age where I could have convinced her to let me start his surf education. Let him stand on a surfboard, in shallow calm waters. I could see her hovering close by, taking pictures but ready to toss the camera if he was ever close to falling. He would look like a perfect combination of the both of us.
I must have been in that dream for a while as she eventually asked. "Where did you go?"
"A beach, with you in your black one piece swimming costume. You're throwing warning glares at me every time I move the surfboard further out to where the water touches my knees. Our son who is standing up on it for the first time holding my hands, he loves it and is giggling up a storm."
I love that she understood me, knew I was imagining if it hadn't been just lateness. "McKay you are dreaming, I would never let my ten month old child stand on a surfboard even with you holding him up."
I pull her closer and move my palm over her belly. "I'm sure I'd have found a way to convince you."
The dream helps to bring her respite from the nights events.
"I think you've proven my point, he had no time to get used to our twin bond evolving. There was no gradual change. You, us, our connection became everything. If it was intense, scary at times for us, I wonder what it would be like for him to see it from the sidelines." As we sat quietly again, I could feel the water begin to cool. Not wanting her to get a chill again I picked up the soap and started to run it along her stomach, arms, chest, I got her to lean forward and washed her back. When I started on her outer thighs she turned around completely and faced me. She took the soap from my hands, and began to repeat the same process on me.
"You know we aren't ready, that I'm still beginning to understand, and you are only just beginning on your recovery process. That as much as our bodies, we want that, as much as us getting back together seems so normal, so right- we can't."
"I know. I want you, I'm always going to want you, but the next time is for keeps. No more cardio funks, Sarah's or summer mistakes." I pick up her left hand and lay a kiss on her ring finger. "Next time this gets claimed and decorated." I move my hand between us so I am once again touching her stomach. "Next time it won't be a false alarm." She nods at me and rises up out of the water, climbing out of the bath she grabs a towel and wraps it around her body.
She looks at me then. "I know but we aren't ready yet." As she makes her way to the door I call to her.
"Baby, not yet but it will be soon."
She doesn't turn around but nods her head. "I know."
I sit back for a moment, I'd call my Doctor on Monday and see if we could increase my two single sessions a week to doubles, and I'd reach out to Ben and finally fill him in. I would invest everything I had into getting better, my future wife and kids deserved me healthy and whole, I deserved that as well.
By the time I left the bathroom Bren had already left our Bedroom. After getting into a singlet and pyjama pants, I went to find my future wife. As I moved across the room I smiled to myself, in a week I had gone from a belief that I had lost her for good, to her admitting that one day we would be together again- have our forever. It was a buzz only slightly tempered by the fact she wasn't ready and I needed to get better first, and in the interim she may look at her options.
The thought made me freeze with my hand on the door knob, she didn't say she'd wait. What happened if she went on a date? Taking a deep breath I tried to work the problem, okay daily double sessions, fuck maybe in treatment would be better- no they wouldn't let Bren stay. Okay I'd go to Jim get enough money to hire a full time personal therapist. That could work. Crap but Bren still may not be ready, I couldn't, wouldn't push her on this. Okay stick to the plan double sessions, reach out to Ben, and talk to the guy's. After an evening with them it was obvious they loved her, but platonically, they could keep an eye on her and scare off any potential men. Yep, good plan. Give Brenda time, get myself better, and utilise her guys as bodyguards- that is guarding my future wife's body from douches.
On walking into the lounge room, my mood sobered and my angered flared right back up. My girl was currently wrapped up on the couch between Camille and David, shedding tears. I turned back into our room and got dressed. As I walked out Camille caught my eyes and as I pointed to the door she gave me an understanding smile. David though was less subtle and began to move, obviously wanting to go join me on my mission. I shook my head and pointed at my girl, she needed her, our new family members support now, and I didn't need back up with Brandon.
Not knowing which side the boys were on I knocked on the girls door.
Donna opened the door quickly, still dressed in the same outfit she had been in when we had left over an hour ago. "Oh, I thought you were room service." Seeing my face get angrier- seriously were they having a fucking good time down here after what happened? "We ordered ice-cream you know Walsh family comfort food, we are hoping it will get Brandon to talk."
"Where is he?"
She pointed to the door across from their lounge area that joined the rooms. Moving through the door, I was faced with Brandon with his head in his hands in the middle of the sofa, Nikki on one side and Kelly on the other. They were both rubbing his back. Andrea was on the floor kneeling trying from what I can tell to get him to talk. Steve and David were hovering by the window discussing god knows what.
"Brandon." Everyone instantly turned including my so called brother.
"Is she okay?"
"You care now? Cause an hour and half ago, eleven weeks ago, six months ago you didn't."
"She's my sister, my twin of course I fucking care." I raised my eyebrow not believing anything he was saying. "We had a fight that happens. She'll calm down we'll talk it out."
"You think that was a fight. That was a roasting. You ripped her to shreds blamed her for everything, and the fucking crazy thing is she didn't do any of it. I pushed for Baja, I had purposely made her miss curfew, I needed her with me. Your parents sent her to Paris to get her away from me, and it wasn't like she had a choice in that either. She wanted to stay, even turned it down, but I pushed her to accept the trip. You know, and fuck it you told everyone anyway, I wasn't, am not well, I hoped that time away would force me to get better, but even then it still took Jim threatening to take all my money and accuse me of statutory rape for me to be able to push her onto that plane." There had been an audible gasp at that, but I didn't care how shocked they were.
"As for the other rubbish you sprouted off about, your parents let her skip school because she has nearly enough credits to graduate now, they let me sleep in her bed because my Doctor has advised them of the long term medical issues I'll face if I don't start sleeping again. Seven months is a long time to go without proper sleep, and your sister is the only one who can help, unless you think we should feed the addict some sleeping tablets? Your parents, my mother, love her so fucking much because that is who your sister is, even when I made her skin crawl from my betrayal she still took me in, still supported me. And what does she get for it, fucking roasted by you."
"She could of come to me, opened up to me, I could of helped her." Seriously, after everything I said he still can't admit he was wrong.
"Oh like you have helped her by going against her wishes, siding with Kelly and me. Two people who lied to her face, made her doubt herself, her instincts. Yeah why the fuck didn't she come to you, why didn't she open up?"
"You were happy enough to go along with it when it served your purposes McKay." That's because I was desperate, delusional.
"Of course I was, I love your sister more than anything, I wanted her, want her back, but your loyalty should have been to her first, like mine will always be."
"Oh was it your loyalty that made you mess around with her best friend, your love that made you keep it from her, betray her?" His words made me angrier, he did know better.
"That, that right there is what you should of said to me eleven weeks ago, what you all should of said, but instead you said nothing, did nothing, ignored what Kelly and I did. You wonder why she pulled away, it was because none of you acknowledged that what we did was horrible. Did anyone offer her sympathy? Let her know that she had been wronged by two people she trusted? Did you Brandon? Did you let her tell you how she was blindsided that night, walking up to my porch seeing Kelly there, finding out about the summer?"
"She could of said something to me. Told me how she felt." He was seriously blaming her when he had not been open to her and instead chosen to ignore her wishes so many times.
"Like you did to her?" I give a deep sigh, this was pointless. Brandon at the best of times was self righteous but when on the defensive he's worse, hopefully he'll come to his senses eventually.
"I came down here to see if her twin was here, to see if like my girl upstairs you were hurting like she is. If your connection was causing you pain as well. To see if you were remorseful, but you are none of those things. So I'll say my peace and leave. Any of you come near her again, you'll answer to me. I am sick of watching her be hurt by your selfishness and your ignorance, and if you don't think I'm talking to you- well I fucking am." I began to move to the door, but he couldn't just stop.
"She's my sister, my twin." Oh fuck it! Bren hopefully, would forgive me for jumping the gun.
"Well she's going to be my wife, the mother of my children." Touching the door handle he attempts to fire one more shot.
"My father won't let you near her if he knows you think that." Stuff it I'm going to share the one thing he and I never talk about, the one thing I allow him to pretend is still his to claim. I turn around.
"She agreed, she agreed from the moment we met, and she agreed again. You know as well as I do, probably better than me actually, what happened when we met. You felt it, the change, the loss, it's why you had such an issue even after months of us being together. Brandon you were only keeping my other half safe till she found me. As for Jim he knows, he knows the only thing ever holding me back was our age, but he knows, and he accepts it now."
With that I leave slamming the door.
Ange and I woke the next morning and made our way out to the lounge to check on our girl. It's funny how this American young woman had fallen into both our hearts. I instantly connected with her at that café, and arriving home to my wife that evening I had filled her in on our upcoming dinner guest. To say she was baffled by my excitement was an understatement, but bless her she was never jealous. My Ange was aware of how important she was to me, I told her everyday. She knew that my heart beat only for her.
On meeting Brenda it became clear to her. We both had no siblings but Brenda felt like family, like both of ours. She was my little sister, my mentee, my friend, and to Camille she was her confidante, best friend, her sister. To watch what she had been through in the last few months had been heartbreaking, we worried about her, but the music that she had created from that pain was magical. Having been in the studio many times I could see it was her therapy, her outlet. It was why I had booked her into a studio here in Vegas today, she needed to get out her emotions from last night. Though Dylan would be a problem.
I was still going to kick my new friends, damn it, my new brothers arse one of these days. Though Camille and I were under no illusion they would reunite, and he would be our family too. If they didn't they would both be forever miserable and we wouldn't want that for either of them. They loved each other fiercely it had been obvious at Thanksgiving, and had been made blatantly clear when he arrived back in this morning. By then she had stopped crying, and on realising he was missing had worried. She had explained to us that Brandon was important to him, they were brothers, Dylan had lost too much and she didn't want him to lose Brandon as well.
Dylan had come through the door then and noticed her concern. In French I had explained her fear. He had shaken his head and sent her an amused grin. He then came over and picked her up from between us, and deposited her on his lap in the armchair. He reassured her that she, and only she came first. He loved their brother, but believed if she wasn't around that he may not hold that title, that without her their relationship wouldn't have been the same. That he felt like family only because of the connection he had to her. But regardless of the history between Brandon and him, he had disrespected and lashed out at her. Both were unacceptable and would never be tolerated.
He discussed what happened downstairs and apologised for disclosing or jumping the gun on their private conversation. She had gone bright red when he told her how he departed. Ange and I had cheered, and then teased her mercilessly the rest of the night. Even as we left our bedroom and had seen the two of them drinking coffee in their pjs on the couch, I had begun to hum the wedding march.
"David stop that, and what the hell are you wearing?" I got my first disgruntled look. I did love having a little sister- this teasing thing was fun.
"What, you don't like my troll doll pyjama pants that my wife lovingly purchased for me? I mean lime green isn't usually my colour, but with the trolls rainbow hair and them rotated at all angles, it's like I'm wearing the embodiment of a psychedelic trip." I am sure she could pick up my sarcasm. The pants were a new low in ugly, but I suspected that my wife who was known for her good taste desired that.
My Ange though ignored my tone and instead turned playful eyes on Brenda. "Shall I buy Dylan some, they have a lovely lavender shade as well?" Dylan shook his head but the girls ignored him. Poor guy he would have to learn to accept their version of fun.
"Yes please."
"Fantastic, we can go today Dylan when you take me for lunch."
Dylan looked amused. "Camille I didn't know we had plans."
"Well don't you think it's time we get to know one another?"
"Of course."
"Perfect, then today we have lunch followed by an afternoon of shopping together."
We had ordered room service then and had spent the morning in our usual carry on, well minus the singing and music talk. A couple hours and a few NDA's later, Camille was off getting to know our future brother, and I had produced Brenda's new song. Her release schedule was full till February, and if she wasn't banking some of her songs for album release only, it would be much longer. As it stood she'd make three albums before the end of the year. Her ability to write and create music was exceptional, making Chris believe she would be the female version of Prince. Having multiple tracks, albums never released, sitting on them for potentially decades.
As we had time she asked Ray if he would like to lay his track. He immediately agreed, and over the next hour with only minor technical assistance from me she had produced her first song. She was thrilled. Sitting in the studio with my new American friends, with my sister I was sad to be saying goodbye so soon. We were due back on the continent by Wednesday, and after the holiday season off to Asia. We wouldn't be returning for nearly three months.
I worried about Brenda, how she would cope during that time. After her clearing of the air yesterday afternoon with Dylan, she had finally admitted that she still wanted their future, though she wasn't ready and he wasn't healthy enough for it to begin. The next months for them, Dylan especially could be rough. There was also the hurdle of telling him about her music, I imagine the replay alone of her songs will require some unpacking together and with his Doctor. Then her album, she was making three music videos in the next two weeks alone, that along with the meetings would be exhausting without adding her school commitments. She was juggling so much and with her brother and friends, she could easily burn out. With Camille and I being so far away, I was concerned. Knowing though that I couldn't do anything once we left but be on the end of a phone call, I decided to make tonight full of great memories.