Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210. None to Home written by Drew Pearson and Greg Holden produced by Drew Pearson performed by Phillip Phillips... Imagine female vocals.

Chapter Sixteen: Home

As we made it back to the car I stored our bags but didn't bother pulling down the top. I wanted my girl away from that plane as fast as possible.

"I feel bad for leaving the guys, Camille and David to deal with that mess." Brenda's tone is factual, as if she was merely talking to fill the silence.

"Don't, you heard me invite them over for dinner, we can say a proper goodbye tonight before they fly out tomorrow, and I'm sure by the time they leave here they'll have some interesting stories to tell. I'd almost feel bad for Brandon when he finds out his mistake, but in forty-eight hours he's managed to destroy two years of friendship, and hurt you more than… well maybe not as much as me, but he is obviously gunning for that title."

She has no reaction or comment to what I have said, I wasn't even sure if she has heard me. Since getting off the plane, it was like she was in her own little world, merely putting voice to her inner thoughts. "Crap. My parents aren't going to be happy. I hadn't planned on moving out till the end of the school year. I'll need to find a place, and I'm swamped for the next few weeks. I'll have to talk to Mrs T about taking some more time off. Maybe I should take my last credits by correspondence, I could go on tour with Camille and David, or head back to Paris - "

What the hell? She was now thinking of leaving, running again, I could feel the panic rise. I shouldn't have listened to her, I should of stopped Brandon before he even started. What he said had made her angry, I thought she was okay, now though with the anger leaving her she was spinning. Not wanting to drive with my mind and emotions running faster than the speed of sound, I quickly pull off into a side street and park.

"Dylan what are you - " She sends me a confused look, it's the first time I had felt her eyes on me since our silent communication on the plane. The first time I was even sure she was aware of my presence.

As I switch off the car I turn to face her. "You're thinking of leaving? Leaving me?"

Finally the penny drops and she registers what she had said. "Oh no I didn't mean straight away, I promised you I would help you get better first –"

That wasn't a no it was a not yet. I should have told Jim that Brandon was not welcome on this trip. "But what, when you are no longer obligated to sleep next to me then you'll run away again? Leave me again. What about us? Me getting well and you taking the time to get ready. What in a matter of minutes Brandon's managed to destroy it all? You believe his bullshit? You think I love the idea of just someone there, a future with anyone because I hate the idea of being alone?" She wasn't saying anything or giving me any indication whether she had believed him or not, I could only take from her lack of denial that some of what he said had seeped past her defences. She was never as strong as she showed the world she was. "If that's the case I'd be with Kelly now, she wouldn't leave, she would go along with anything, and when her fake nose got out of joint I could just throw money at the problem, tell her she was pretty, and all would be forgiven. Brenda if I wanted just anyone, why wouldn't I have just told you about the summer when you got off the plane? Why did I stay begging you to reconsider for months after sophomore year? Why did I plead with you to try a long distance relationship when we thought you were moving back to Minnesota? Why did I never want to commit to anyone, didn't want anyone around longer than the night, and most of the time not even that long, before I met you?" I reach out for her hand, I need to feel she was there, make her feel our connection. "You are the only person I have and will ever want completely, you used to know that. You used to trust in that. Please don't run away this time, please let me have the opportunity to make you know that again."

She lowers her wall of indifference that she has worn since waking on the plane, and allows me access. "Dylan I'm not, my intent was not to make you doubt my promise. I'm just tired, I'm tired of feeling this way, of the ground crumbling under my feet. I'm tired of taking the blows." I knew those eyes I had worn them at the start of sophomore year. I had worn them most of my life. They were eyes I feared in myself, they were eyes I never imagined she could have. Her steal blue eyes were never supposed to look that detached.

"I get that more than anyone else."

"I know you do." She allows me then to see the tiredness in her soul. I couldn't force her to stay here, where each day she was expected to keep taking hits.

"Let's go back to our house and then we'll call your parents, hopefully they are back from Santa Barbara. We'll discuss with them everything, you'll make our place your sanctuary again and finish off the semester." It gives me three weeks before school broke up, three weeks to work on potentially being without her. "If you are still feeling like this by Christmas, I'll book the tickets for you myself, and send you on the trip with David and Camille."

She touches my cheek. "And if I was to go what about you?"

I couldn't be selfish, I couldn't keep her here if it continues like this. "Well why I wait for you to return to me I will finish school, I will get better, I will do what Camille encouraged me yesterday at lunch to do- find something that is mine, something I can be proud of myself for." She moves her hand now to hold mine between both of hers, and gives me a weak smile.

"She did did she?"

"She said when you love forces of nature like David and you, the only way to not get blown away, lost in the whirlwind is to have something of your own. Her's is her business, the artists she manages and consults for." She nods.

"It's true David maybe her most demanding client, but she consults with artists across Europe, with Raven, and she's even helping out Ray. She's a smart business woman, that's why my Dad likes her so much." She squeezes my hand. "I'm not sure I'm a force of nature but I do want something that is yours, something that makes you happy, that you are proud of."

I knew she was a force. She lit up any room she was in, and as much as I could see that force had tried to be smothered in her over the last few months, whether by others or by herself- maybe in an attempt to be less of a target, it was still there. It was there with Camille, David, the guys, her parents, my Mum, and it had started to be shown to me as well. "What's that for you? Working at the studio, finding new artists like Ray? Are you going to start your own empire like Camille? What about acting- I thought that was your direction, studying theatre at College?" We hadn't talked about her plans, outside of our relationship and my needs, she had kept herself pretty cut off.

"I think something in the music industry for now, but I'm still planning on studying theatre at College with a minor in business, make sure I know how to take care of myself and any money I make." She would never allow me to take care of her that way, from the start she never saw the money, even when I had none she never changed. The others had, Brandon thought me capable of stealing, I was less appealing a charity case to the rest, but she never changed.

"I'd say you never have to worry about money, and we won't, but I can't imagine either of us just living off Jack's money."

"Do you have any thoughts?" Camille and I had discussed it at length over lunch. She asked about my writing, and while I loved reading and toyed around with the odd piece- mainly as love notes for the woman in front of me. It was too personal for me to want to share, though maybe someday. She then asked me what I was passionate about besides Brenda. The only thing I could think of, the only place that had ever been close to a home before sophomore year had been the water.

"Maybe something with the environment, I got pretty sick around my birthday, picked up an infection from surfing after the rain that weekend of the bbq." While I didn't like raising it, I had to normalise this for myself and for her. I wanted her to be able to talk about that horrible time, and not avoid it.

Trying to reduce the tension I caused by simply mentioning that week, I give her a wink. "And if I'm planning on convincing you to let me teach our children to surf before they can walk, well I better make sure the water is clean first."

She smiles and shakes her head. "I'm not sure you are as persuasive as you think, and you won't have a shot in hell if there is pollution in the water."

Oh she was playing, I knew she knew better. "Baby, I know it's been a while but I'm hurt you don't remember all my…" I look her up and down "talents."

She flirts back. "I have a vague memory."

We hadn't flirted like this in a long time, it felt amazing. "Oh when you are ready I'm going to have so much fun reminding you."

"It may take a while, my memory can be a little dodgy at times." Her lost look is replaced now with sparkling eyes. She still wants me as much as I want her. I lift my hand and move a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"I'm committed to the cause even if it requires day's, weeks of nothing else." I had to get out of here before I did something crazy like kiss her, something I knew she wasn't ready for.

She laughs. "The way you are talking I feel I should start running again, build up my physical fitness."

As I switch on the car and pull back onto the street, I give her a quick glance. "That would definitely be recommended."

On getting back to the house, with me carrying both of our bags, I ask Brenda to open the front door. As she walks in she suddenly stops causing me to almost knock her down. It's a good thing I like to watch her butt I mean bike so closely, it gives me enough time to avoid the impact. "Iris?"

Knowing this had been her first time back here since we cleaned that day, I knew what had grabbed her attention. "No. I couldn't have you only able to sit in one chair." I put the bags down by the wall out of the way and move back behind her.

"It's not a futon."

"No. It's still a sofa bed, but even I could tell that they weren't that comfortable to sit on after a while. It has something called slip covers- I thought with your OCD, you'd like that." She playfully elbows me in the stomach for that one- I laugh. "I got the natural linen, as it's without dye's, it's better for the environment, but also I thought, well..." I go quiet, she turns her head and gives me questioning eyes. I rub the back of my neck. "Well I thought it gave options for pillows, and - "

"McKay are you trying to tell me you chose a couch that gave me decorating options?"

"Well the woman in the store kept talking about pillows and something about it being a neutral base, and well Bren you know I'm not into that sort of thing. I just bought two of the closest non flowery ones to go on top of the couch, and well I thought you could go and buy whichever ones you liked."

She turns around completely and does something she hadn't in a while. Throwing her arms around my neck she gives me a fierce hug, one I eagerly return. Into my neck I hear her say. "Thank you Baby." I hold her for a few minutes enjoying a hug not initiated in a need of comfort but one because she wanted to touch me- it felt amazing.

Just then a throat is cleared. I swear my mother had a raider.

Not wanting to break my hold on Bren I lift my head out of her neck but refuse to turn around to face her. "Hi Mum. Nice retreat?"

"It was, but if I knew my son was marrying his soulmate, I would have rescheduled." We break apart and quickly turn to look at the door where my Mum, Cindy and Jim are each wearing annoyed looks.

"Mr and Mrs McKay aren't you going to invite us in?" Shit, they had obviously not corrected Brandon after we left.

At the same time Bren and I respond.

"Jim I swear we didn't." "Dad it was Camille and David not us."

Jim simply lifts an eyebrow, and both Bren and I move out of the entrance to let them in. I close the door and offer them a seat in the lounge room.

"Okay do you want to explain what happened this weekend?" Jim has lost his annoyed look but he still doesn't look happy.

Bren and I look at each other, and I give her a reassuring look, she wasn't ready to replay it all. "Why don't you put some coffee on an I'll catch our parents up?" She nods, and as she offers tea to our mum's I go and grab a dining room chair.

Close to an hour later, I was just finishing explaining our Christmas agreement in the car. Brenda had taken up residence between Iris and Cindy. Both were holding onto her fiercely. Jim had long since abandoned the arm chair and had begun pacing.

"Brenda I'm not even going to ask if you are okay as I know you won't be. I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say I'm sorry for sending your brother on this trip. He, well he and I will be having words." He then comes and sits on the coffee table in front of her. "If you want to go to Paris I can arrange for you and the guy's to be out on the first flight tomorrow?" Wait the guy's would be going with her?

"Thanks Dad but no as Dylan and I agreed I'll finish off the semester and decide from there. Anyway between school, the Christmas drive, work- so much work, I can't leave yet."

She hadn't mentioned me on that list, I send her a confused look.

"Dylan if I truly felt it was too much I'd leave tomorrow, and you unfortunately wouldn't have a say I'd just insist you come along. I'm not staying because of you, so don't take that on, I'm staying because I have made commitments."

I nod. She amazes me, I was feeling guilty that I was effectively keeping her here, keeping her dealing with her brother, but she was right I could leave I could go with her get a doctor anywhere.

"Okay so I guess it's pointless to assume you'll be staying at the house?"

"Dad honestly, I just don't want to be around him. Even if you made him apologise for what he said, what he thinks about me, well it's ugly." A tear runs down her face. "I didn't know he was capable of thinking that. That someone like Dylan couldn't ever want me, that I'm not good enough… I guess it was why he wasn't so surprised about Kelly." She was crying now, along with my mother and Cindy.

Jim reaches out to her and gives her a hug. "Oh sweetheart. You know that's not true. I have made no secret that in the past Dylan wasn't always good enough for you, and while I know he's maturing, in my eyes no one will ever be good enough." I hear you Jim.

Though at that she pulls back completely, surprising Jim. "Yes about that. Dad that was disgusting what you did to him. I don't care how scared you were that threat was never justifiable. If you wanted me on that plane so badly you should of found a better way." Oh shit, this should be fun.

"Darling what are you talking about?"

Jim ignores my mother and turns to look at me, he sends me a remorseful look, he knew what Bren was getting at. "Sorry, Jim she wanted to know everything and well I've lied enough to her to last a life time."

My mother having not received a response from Brenda turns to Jim. "Jim what did you do to my son?" Iris rarely shows the fierce woman she is, the one she had to be to be married to my father, to survive so long in Beverly Hills, but in this moment she aimed it all at Jim.

A half hour later Cindy and Iris were still going. Jim had taken all their anger, disappointment, lectures and had not once tried to defend himself. He acknowledged he crossed a line, broken both a legal and emotional trust that my mother had bestowed on him, but above all he was remorseful that he hurt me. It had been the first time I had seen a grown man own his mistakes. Even my Dad last Christmas could admit he didn't deserve me there but couldn't own up as to why, put into words all the things he did wrong.

"Okay Mum and Cindy I think you have made your point, and while I appreciate the support please remember what I said to Jim on Friday. He had a right to be worried." He was giving me a lot of trust and support, I was going to strive and be honest. Build a better relationship here, Bren didn't need more turmoil in her life. "Look you know I've pretty much raised myself. Jack wasn't around much, and well even when he was he had little to no time for me. This communication thing, opening up to parental figures, sharing my concerns, hearing their input, well it's completely foreign to me. Jim and I, well I'm sure you'll agree with me here, we have butted heads since the moment we met. Some of it has been justified and some not- on both sides. But we both love Bren, and as I said the other day she comes first. While his method hurt he was doing what was right for Bren."

"Dylan - "

I give Bren a look, she knew how much he hurt me then and from the start, she was asking if I really wanted him to be let off the hook for all of it. I nod.

"Okay then. Who would like another tea or coffee? After 60 minutes of sleep and none for Dylan, I definitely need more, especially before I have to figure out dinner." I send her a grateful look. After everyone agrees to more drinks Bren goes back into the kitchen.

"Dinner?"

"Yeah Cindy as we didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to Camille, David and the guy's I invited them over for dinner tonight. I didn't want to leave it the way we did, especially after how great they all were this weekend." I then had an idea as Bren is walking back from the kitchen. "Bren I can call, Nat I'm sure he can organise food for tonight."

She actually looks at me like I had said something crazy. "Dylan I haven't eaten anything but fried food since yesterday morning. We are eating vegetables tonight, there will be no burgers, fries, pizza or burritos." Well okay then, not a good suggestion.

"Yes dear." Cindy, Jim and Iris crack up at my response.

When my mother was able to compose herself again she looks at me. "She's good. I didn't think anyone could break you from your poor diet, next she'll have you cleaning."

Bren who was back in the kitchen turning off the kettle yells back. "Iris he cleans he just thinks a cloth and water is okay."

As she came back in with the teas, I remind her of my issue with them. "The products damage the bay."

She volleys back as she leaves the room. "And I buy the most environmentally friendly on the market."

I call back. "Yes but they still do damage, they still have too many toxins."

She returns with our coffees. "Well until someone invents something better then I'm stuck using them and so are you."

"It's like watching an old married couple. I always feared Brenda coming over here but if this is your usual behaviour then what was I so worried about." Brenda wouldn't meet her dad's eyes and took too larger sip of her hot coffee in lieu of making a comment on his misconception. Poor Jim, I know I was striving for better honest communication with him but I chose to let this one go. Let him believe we spent hours discussing cleaning products when we were alone in this house.

Over coffee we decide while Brandon is currently at work Bren and Cindy would go home and collect some of our things, I would go to the store with Jim to grocery shop, and Iris would straighten up the house. As they wanted to thank and farewell Camille and David they would also be joining us for dinner.

A couple of hours later we were farewelling our family and friends, with many tears from Camille and Brenda. Though I'm sure it wouldn't be long before the International calls would begin between the four of us.

As we said goodnight to Iris and climb into bed, we both smile at each other.

"This is different."

"You've slept next to me for two weeks."

"I was talking about the amount of clothing we are wearing in this bed."

"Please I can barely lift my arm I'm so tired, even if we were ready to take that step I doubt it would be possible."

I yawn and ask. "Is that a challenge?"

Bren with her eyes already shut mumbles. "No baby now shhhh go to sleep…" And then she is out.

The next few days was establishing our new normal whilst avoiding everyone. Jim and Cindy had set Brandon straight but not soon enough, with some West Bev gossips hearing him complain to Steve at The Pit on Sunday night. By Monday it was around the school by the time the McKay's arrived together. I was pleased with the rumours as it meant no one would attempt to ask her out while we were not together. Bren was not as impressed and kept complaining about it, I even heard her complaining to Paul about it worrying if the press found out. While the McKay's were no strangers to the news I didn't think a marriage let alone a fake one would be of any interest.

With Brandon working most week nights, Jim would still collect her from work and I'd meet her at her parents house for dinner. I'd then bring us back to our house where we'd study before bed. On Monday while Bren was at work I had met with Ben and explained what was going on. He wanted me to work the program more, attend more meetings, I agreed. On Tuesday's and Friday's I started my double sessions. Iris still accompanied me to both, but we had made my Tuesday one our joint family session. Following both those sessions we would head to Casa Walsh for a family dinner, with the guy's resuming their Tuesday night meals there, and then just the five of us on Friday's. Wednesday's Brenda was booked into working on some music video sets, so she didn't get home till late, Saturday and Sunday she worked all day, but was home for the big Sunday AA meeting I was back attending. Paul had heard us discussing it while washing the dishes on Tuesday night and asked if he could attend. Since moving to LA from San Francisco he had once again resumed the program but had yet to find a meeting he felt comfortable attending regularly. While we knew he didn't drink it was the first time he admitted to it being a problem in the past.

By the second week the routine was down pat with the only change being that Ray and Paul had started joining me for Saturday morning surfs, followed by breakfast at The Pit. Nat knowing of my fall out with Brandon ensured I never sat in his section when I stopped by. It didn't stop his glare though, but from what I'd been told from Jim, Brandon knew not to engage. Having been on the receiving end of a Jim lecture I'm sure he would comply.

"What are you and Bren up to tonight?"

"I'm not sure yet, do you know what time she is rostered on to finish this afternoon?" Paul wasn't meeting my eyes so Ray jumps in.

"Depends what she is doing there today, she jumps around a lot taking on different projects." As he went to continue there was a loud squeal from the gangs table.

"Nat turn it up, turn it up. Please." Donna, Kelly and Nikki were beside themselves. Trying to figure out what was going on we looked to the TV and saw the headline on MTV of a new Raven song being released after the break. Bren was right, Raven was prolific. She had released a new song before Thanksgiving, her song with David had dropped into Radio play the day after our Vegas return, and now she was releasing another. Was she aiming for complete market domination? You couldn't open a magazine, newspaper or turn on Entertainment Tonight without another story speculating on who she was. The hype was getting crazy, and I wasn't the only one who had noticed. On Tuesday night I had overheard Jim, who still wouldn't admit to her being a client, speaking about it with the guy's. He was worried about Bren being caught up in the madness if the media found out Raven recorded out of there studio. It was a concern that I had raised with Bren that night in bed. She promised me they had good security there and the guy's would also keep her safe. I must have looked stressed as she ran her finger down my cheek, an act she only did when I appeared to be getting panicked.

Nat having complied with the girls request had turned up the volume. All of a sudden the song starts and the name of the new hit flashes on the bottom left of the screen, Exile By Raven featuring Ray Pruit. What the hell?

Before I could jump in Paul whispers. "Did you know?"

Ray whispers back. "No I knew it would happen before Christmas but the label coordinates the releases."

We didn't say anything else but just listened to the song. It was fucking heart breaking. I knew that feeling, I had felt that feeling. Here actually, begging Bren to hear me out. I got lost in that memory as the song played over that scene from a month ago.

"Dylan you okay?"

I nod my head still processing the song, and the feelings it raised. Though within seconds we were surrounded.

"Ray that was you right?" Donna was practically bouncing.

"Yeah."

"You know Raven, why didn't you tell us? I mean we knew David knew her, but not you as well. So who is she?" Kelly was the most animated I had seen, well since maybe the end of junior year.

"Look, I can't say."

Noticing the other West Bev and Bev students picking up the girls loud conversation we all begin to stand. I threw some money on the table for the three of us, when they went to protest I brushed it off they could get next week's.

We managed to get back to our cars with only some minor interference, and quickly parted ways. It made me more nervous that Bren was working at the studio spending time with Ray, I didn't want her caught up in moments like that.

Two weeks I had lived here, and if I had to sleep on Dylan's ugly sheets a minute longer I'd go insane. His house was set up for him, with some little luxuries that I purchased over the last eighteen months. New towels and some cooking utensils being some of them. Today, after I finished up completing the final edit with the Director on the video to be released two days before Christmas, and then spent two hours with my lawyer I decided shopping was needed. After starting Christmas shopping for Camille, David, Iris, Mum and Dad I went and finally purchased new sheets, a duvet, pillows for the couch and some picture frames. Dylan had kept parts of his house barely put together since he moved. I assume living in hotels had meant making a place homely wasn't his forte. I had gradually started to change that. Unpacking the boxes before Iris arrived had meant his bookshelves were finally full of his favourite and treasured novels. I had noticed though that Dylan had begun to reorder them, he could easily get lost moving them into his preferred order while I studied or had my nightly tea with Iris. We never commented as it was a good sign that he was feeling more settled.

His collection of photos and paintings he had collected while in Paris, Baja or simply down at Venice beach were next. Those too had been dumped in the box grave yard but now we're gaining a new home on the walls. I had started the discussion one night about hanging something over the fire place and the next day had leaned one of his paintings on the mantle, and then changed it each day. It took till day four before he finally said I like that one the best. I got him a nail and a hammer immediately, by the time Iris and I were sipping tea he had decided where all the rest would go, and was discussing some ocean prints he had spotted down at Santa Monica to fill the blank walls. The next night I had been out on another video set and had arrived home after midnight to Dylan reading in bed. Above him he had hung two beautiful beach prints. As I climbed into bed I had asked why those two, he said if you squint you can see a beautiful woman in a black one piece and a ten month old standing on a surfboard for the first time with his dad holding him up. I had rolled away from him then but reached back picking up his hand and draped it over me. Within seconds he was spooning me and had laid his hand on my stomach.

Coming in with my bags I call out.

"Dylan are you home?" Iris I knew was at a desert retreat and wouldn't be back till Monday.

Wandering in off the porch wiping his hands on a rag to remove the grease he gives me a tense smile. "Hey what's all this?"

"Christmas gifts, pillows and new bed linen for us."

He gives me an indulgent grin. "What's wrong the current ones?"

"They're very you, not very us."

"Is that code for not very you?"

"No I thought of both of us. Linen all natural safe dye white sheets and a sage duvet cover."

He looks at the package. "You mean green."

I roll my eyes. "No it's sage. I thought it was almost the colour of the green room."

"When I surf?"

"Yeah well it's the closest I could get to the colour I imagine it is. I thought maybe it would be comforting you know in the middle of the night if you woke up…"

He made his way to the dining table and sits down. "You've decided to go then?"

"No not overseas but I think your Doctor is right. I mean you're doing better you haven't had a night terror since you started therapy, no panic attacks since Thanksgiving, you are speaking to Ben almost daily, your relationship with Iris is getting better, and last week you only needed to hold me for a few minutes after your Friday session and yesterday you didn't need it at all."

"This isn't what I planned to talk to you about tonight, I've been thinking over something that happened this morning at The Pit…" I tilt my head encouraging him to go on. "It doesn't matter anymore. If you aren't going to Paris or Asia, are you thinking of going back to your parents?"

"No I'm thinking of staying at a friends house for a while, they are going to be out of the country for six months so they offered it to me." It wasn't a lie, it was a directors house that I had used for two of my video clips. It was his Malibu home, he had bought it two years ago from a famous singer. It had a studio in the house that he never had removed, it had access to a private beach, lots of space, but most of all it was secure in a gated community. After the recent explosion of media attention I was worried, my parents were worried, and the label were discussing bodyguards and a driver, and the guy's were talking of it only being a matter of time. The house would hopefully buy me more time give me a low profile. I could work from there, and with Mrs T giving me the option of doing my last credits predominantly by distance it would mean next semester I would only need to attend school for tests. It ticked all the boxes. With my lawyer today I had signed a six month lease with the option to buy. It was crazy that I could even afford to buy it, though it was currently was still tight. Dad had felt the lease bought me time to be in a better financial position, with the Album due to drop at the same time I should see a financial injection closely after the sale.

"When would you leave?"

"After Christmas, but I was thinking since I have to work late on Wednesday that you try sleeping without me. Maybe we gradually…"

"Baby if you say build a tolerance, I might actually laugh."

"I was going to say get you used to it."

"I'm never going to get used to it. It's been a month, I have never slept so well in my life, felt so secure, felt like I was home." I go over and run my fingers through his hair.

"I know." He wraps his arms around my waist and looks up at me.

"I can't get you to stay? I can't go with you?"

"You know your Doctor wanted some separation for us. Wanted you to get days, weeks without seeing me." He squeezes me tighter.

"Well she's a quack what does she know?"

"I think she wants you to know, remind you, that you are strong enough without me that you can sleep, survive, thrive without me next to you. I need you to know that."

"This isn't about Brandon's idiotic comments?"

"No. This is about me wanting you healthy. Knowing that you'll need to be." He would. The media the personal invasion he, we would experience, his own unpacking of the songs knowing that they were written about him, maybe being criticised for his actions in the media. I'd be judged for taking him back. West Bev students maybe selling the story to the tabloids or worse the gang disclosing his medical issues. I needed him strong enough for all of that. I needed him strong enough for me to tell him- give him the option to opt out if it was what he wanted.

All of a sudden I am shifted and am sitting on his leg. "Hey where did you go?"

"Just thinking of possible futures."

"They don't look like happy one's."

"They are, but everything has it's trials."

"You know there's a future I have in mind -"

"Really. Does it have anything to do with the new prints above our bed?"

"Well now that you mention it."

"You still have to work on pollution and then convince me before I agree to that."

"Okay the pollution is definitely on the to do list. Today, I had to take Ray and Paul down to Malibu as the others were getting too high of a pollution reading in this mornings surf report. As for the other I'll start convincing you right now if you like, but you did miss a step."

"Oh?" I loved when his eyes got all twinkly.

"Well I have to first get you pregnant." I laugh. He kept a serious face- no he wasn't serious.

"You aren't seriously, Dylan we are eighteen."

"Well I'm not talking tomorrow, you know I would like to be able to call you my girlfriend - "

"Not wife?" He smiles.

"I'll give you any title you want. Regardless when you officially take me back, signing up for our forever, I'd like it to be a discussion point."

"For post-college consideration?"

"I was thinking sooner than four and half years away."

"Last year of college?"

"Mmmhmm I was - " He looks like he isn't happy with that either.

"Dylan you can't be thinking sooner than that?"

"Well I was thinking of it not so much of a planned thing, you know let the universe decide when."

"In your sweet but deluded mind do we at least start College first?"

"Does that mean we will be backed together before then?"

"Dylan?"

"Okay yeah, somewhere in the first part of college we let the universe decide our fate."

"Not that I'm agreeing, but talk me through your logic as I'm this close to upping your doctors appointments."

"On the how? Well if you have forgotten the process I can give you a walk through demonstration - " I pinch him. "Ouch, okay not the how then. I'll assume it's the why then." He gets serious. "Honestly, with your cancer scare two years ago, Emily almost setting you on fire, the holdup, my surf accident, addictions – we have seemed to dodge a lot of almost possible ends for the both of us. We have no guarantee how long we will be here, but I do know I want my whole future with you, for however long we have, be it till we are forty, fifty, eighty or ninety." I could understand that. My Aunt didn't see her fortieth birthday, I was a genetic risk, and we had avoided so much already, would I be okay to delay the future I want, and risk never having it?

"I want that future to not be delayed by stupid arbitrary society timelines." At that I raise an eyebrow. "What I have to let my eccentric millionaire persona out in someway?" I giggle and run my finger down his cheek, he had thought about this alot. "But yeah I want our life together to start immediately."

"What about work, college, travelling?"

"Did you miss the part of millionaire? But no I don't want us living off our millions, but it does give flexibility to spend longer at college, find careers we are passionate about, travel with our family- we can have all of it and make it however we want."

"What if we can't have it all? What if I can't give you children?"

"While I'd love at least one mini combination of us- if we are lucky enough to have them, I'd be very happy to find the rest of our kids. My life was hard enough being raised around millions, I can't imagine what it would have been like to have both parents who didn't care and no financial means. Genetic, adopted or a combination I'm cool as long as you're their mother."

"Wait kids?" How many was he planning?

"Remember universe decides."

"Or birth control could help the universe along a little."

"Your body, your choice. Though I can't promise to not try and be persuasive, you will decide on when you're ready and how many."

"You know your crazy right?"

"Yes the almost daily therapy did give it away." He was such a smart arse.

"Not what I meant." I go quiet. He had thought this out, though it didn't change the present. "So after Christmas… "

"It's not forever? Just a few weeks? Then you'll move back?"

"Not forever. A few weeks- though your Doctor will guide us on if you need more time." He knew it was coming as it had been raised in his first session back. He knew it was a part of his journey to breaking the cycle of the last seven months. He feared it though, feared going back to the summer, back to five weeks ago. He had time to get used to it. I would stay another two weeks but then I'd step back. Over the Christmas break he would have daily therapy to adjust, then in the new year he'd go back to his two double sessions a week. His Doctor wanted him to continue the therapy at least till the summer, unpack his history, dependency issues with alcohol and drugs, but the intensive course was designed to help him overcome his reaction to the holdup.

"You didn't answer the last one." I look around, I loved this house and I loved it even more now that every part screamed Dylan, but it was too open, it offered no protection from the media, from fans.

"Dylan, wherever I live I will always make that place your home."