A/N: Once I got this idea, I had a hard time putting the story down, so I really hope you like it! Couple warnings: there's one small mention of self-harm, so I totally get if you don't want to read (or skip the paragraph that starts '"I didn't," Hailey admitted' in the middle), and there's a bit of vague smut toward the end if you're uncomfortable with that. Overall, if you like it, please let me know – I'm pretty excited about and proud of this :)

She's 20 when she walks into the tattoo parlor. The scar on her lower back has now begun to fade and is no longer an angry red, but it still needs to be erased.

Her voice is stiff as she tells the man behind the counter what she needs. Maybe it's the hardness in her eyes or he just wants some quick cash, but he agrees easily.

Despite his size, he's rather gentle with her - it almost makes her sick. He seems young, though, not much older than her, and not scary looking like she imagined a tattoo artist might be. He doesn't talk to her as he holds the needle to her skin either which she also appreciates because as he works, she's staring at the floor with fast tears falling down her cheeks.

When he finishes, he offers to give her some mirrors to show her. She can't even talk, so she just shakes her head.

He stares at her for a moment then asks if he can do anything for her. She clears her throat and glances around the tattoo parlor.

She leaves with her belly button pierced.

The tattoo does the trick. Men stop asking her about the scar and just tell her they think it's cool a 'lady cop' has a tattoo and a belly button piercing.

Even when she removes the piercing close to two years later, any man she sleeps with still notices the hole and makes a comment about how she must have had 'some pretty wild days.'

As time passes and tattoos become even more common, men stop commenting on it, but she does find that a few of them will spend a lot of time on it as if they think it turns her on. In reality, it does just the opposite. She never finds her release after they spend minutes biting and licking at it. While it feels good, it's never sexy which just pisses her off. She hates the mental block it creates.

After going undercover twice and living to tell the tale, she stops going on as many dates as before. In turn, the idea of her tattoo starts to fade from her memory because no one's touching it and she can't even see it since it's on her back. Oftentimes, she forgets it exists.

That is until she gets tired of seeing her belly button piercing scar. She's almost thirty and nothing seems cute about it anymore. It's her last reminder of her rebellious phase nearly ten years before when she cut all ties from her parents.

It's time to shut that door for good.

"Hey, I took tomorrow off, so I'll see you Wednesday," she tells Jay as they're walking toward their cars after a long day at work.

"Everything okay?" he asks in return.

"Just a doctor appointment," Hailey shrugs.

Jay raised an eyebrow, "That really doesn't answer my question."

Hailey smiled, "I'm okay, really. Just a small procedure."

"A procedure?" Jay crosses his arms, "What the hell's that mean?"

"Why are you so nosy with my health?" Hailey shot back.

"You're my partner," Jay simply answers, "I want to know you're okay."

Hailey sighs because she knows he's not going to give up, so she gives in and says "It's an outpatient thing at a clinic. Happy?"

"Are they putting you under?" Jay replied.

Hailey shakes her head, "Nothing like that, I promise. It's just a thing I've had for a while and it needs to be removed."

She's not lying. She's also giving enough information that can satisfy Jay's questions while still being vague enough to keep her dignity. She doesn't need him knowing she pierced her belly button.

Jay frowns then nods slightly, "I'm sorry. I hope it goes well. Text me when you're home then? I can bring by a pizza and some beer."

Hailey smiled a little, "Okay. Will do. See you then."

"Course," Jay shoots her a wink before climbing into his truck.

Hailey sucks in a breath then places her hand over her belly button for a beat until she decides it's time to go home and put the past behind her.

Two days later, the stitches on her stomach feel irritated.

She had just chased a man throughout a neighborhood and is attempting to catch her breath in the passenger seat of Jay's car when the tightness of her skin really starts bothering her. All she wants is to get back to the district and make sure nothing bad happened while in the privacy of the locker room.

"Doing okay?" Jay asked as he opened his door and settled in the driver's seat.

"Yeah, yeah," Hailey waved him off, "Just a bit out of breath."

Jay nodded with a chuckle, "Gave you a run for your money." He started driving then glanced at her. Noticing her hand over her stomach, he said, "So what exactly did you get done yesterday?"

Hailey raised an eyebrow, "Told you, I had something removed."

"And I'm asking what that something was," Jay said, "Are we talking something concerning like cancer or something like a freckle?"

Hailey couldn't help it and smiled slightly, "It wasn't cancer."

"Okay," Jay nodded, "So…what kept you from coming back to me yesterday?"

"I had dinner with you," Hailey rolled her eyes, "Do we have to spend every second together?"

"No," Jay smirked, "But you're my friend and I'm worried about you."

"I don't ask about all your doctor appointments," Hailey retorted.

Jay scoffed, "Don't lie, Upton."

Hailey laughed, "Upton? You're calling me by my last name?"

"Cause you're lying," Jay nodded, "You were up my ass about everything when I was shot."

"Because you were shot," Hailey pointed out, "You almost died."

"I lived," Jay waved her off, "You had nothing-"

Hailey punched his arm.

Jay barely winced, "I'm driving."

"You almost died," Hailey repeated.

Jay breathed in then quietly admitted, "Yeah, I guess I did."

"This couldn't have killed me," Hailey looked out the window.

Jay glanced at her a few times as he drove back to the district, but he stopped pushing. Hailey clearly didn't want to talk and he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.

She slipped from the truck once he was parked and went straight to the locker room where she undid her jeans for easier access and began unbuttoning her shirt. Finally, she had her tank top rolled up her stomach so she could carefully pull the chunk of gauze off her stomach.

"Ow, ow," she breathed as it tugged her skin. It's dotted with blood and the second it's off of her, the cool air actually soothes the irritated stitches.

Turning to the side, she tried to remember that it's going to look worse before it gets better. Maybe she'll have some tiny scars from the incisions the doctor made, but at least she won't have two extra holes in her.

She'd brought the cream she was given and extra large band-aids for emergency moments like this, so she went to her locker to prepare for covering it back up in hopes she wouldn't irritate it again.

"Hailey, you good?"

She looked up as Jay rounded the lockers. She would have tried hiding the cream and the band-aids had she had time, but he was too fast.

Jay's eyes quickly noticed her shirt tucked up under her bra and then zeroed in on the two stitches above her belly button.

Hailey stepped backward and stumbled as she tried fixing her shirt sending the box of band-aids and the cream to the ground.

Jay slowly squatted down to pick everything up for her then set it on the bench between them. He stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

Hailey didn't know what to say. She didn't know if he even knew what he'd seen, so she shakily picked up the cream and squirted some on her fingers. She just wanted to act like nothing happened. She needed to move on from everything.

Walking back to the mirror, she lifted up her shirt so she could lightly dab at the skin around her stitches. She winced and sucked in a breath.

"Try your ring finger," Jay said.

Hailey's eyes widened and she turned to look at him, "What?"

Jay held out his hand and wiggled his ring finger, "Ring finger isn't as strong as your pointer. It's a little gentler. Will told me that." He sat on the bench and folded his hands together.

"Um, okay," Hailey breathed. She turned back to the mirror and used said finger to spread the cream around. He was right - it didn't hurt nearly as bad. When she finished, she'd stopped shaking, but she could still feel Jay's eyes on her. She glanced up in the mirror to confirm that he was still watching.

He caught her reflection and smiled slightly. She smiled back then turned to face him properly.

Jay grabbed the band-aid and held it out to her.

"Thanks," Hailey said as she accepted it. She stared at it for a moment then tried rolling her shirt back up.

"Need help?" Jay asked.

"If you don't mind," Hailey quietly admitted.

Jay shook his head and took the band-aid, "You've helped me do stuff like this."

"I guess," Hailey sucked in a breath. She watched Jay peel out the band-aid before steadying her. His hand practically wrapped around her waist for just a second, and then he gently smoothed the band-aid over her stitches.

"Good?" he asked.

"Yeah, thanks," Hailey put her hand over it once she pulled her shirt back down.

She didn't want to look at Jay. The mere idea of the piercing and what it represented made her want to cry all over again - just like when she got it and just like when she had it stitched up the day before. She knew making eye contact with Jay would break the dam she'd shakily put back together just hours ago.

Luckily, Jay knew. He could somehow read her mind and just stood up as he said, "Beer tonight?"

Hailey's eyes widened and she looked up, "What?"

"I'll buy you a beer," Jay said. He started backing up, "Just head to the usual place after work."

"Um," Hailey took a deep breath.

"Not really an option," Jay smirked, "We're getting a beer."

Hailey smiled as he walked away then rubbed her hand over her stomach. He was the first man who noticed her piercing, or lack-there-of, and not say anything.

She slowly put the cream and extra band-aids back in her locker while thinking of Jay. She trusted him - she always had - and for the first time, she wanted to tell him the story. She needed to let it out.

He'd carefully tread around her family and her past months before and she let him. This felt like the final step and the final piece of her puzzle that he should know.

They were sitting in a corner booth away from the bustle of the bar and Jay was telling Hailey about when he and Will stole their mom's car and drove around Chicago at just fourteen and fifteen.

It made Hailey laugh which was Jay's goal. He wanted to break any tension and Hailey knew that. She appreciated it.

By the time she'd finished her first beer, Jay was rounding out his story. "Another?" he asked with a tap of his empty bottle to hers.

"Um," Hailey glanced to the bar and nodded, "Yeah, I can buy this time."

"You sure?" Jay pulled his wallet out, "I'm the one who invited you."

"Wasn't an invite, it was an order," Hailey smirked then winked at him while standing up, "Same thing?"

"Please," Jay nodded.

Hailey pushed away from the table and headed over to the bar. While waiting for their drinks, her hand again drifted to her stomach to trace the band-aid through her shirt.

She was going to tell him. She trusted him. She was ready.

He clearly wanted to know what was going on. He wanted her to be comfortable and he succeeded.

It was time to finally tell her story.

When she sat back down with their beers, she took a long sip of hers then said, "It was a piercing."

Jay just raised an eyebrow as he brought his bottle to his lips.

"A belly button piercing," Hailey clarified. She blushed and took another long drink.

Jay's lips twitched up, but he didn't laugh; instead, he asked, "Did it get infected or something?"

Hailey shook her head, "I couldn't stand the holes. It…I wasn't at a dermatologist like I was kinda sorta implying; it was a plastic surgeon. He had to pretty much recut where the holes were and stitch the skin together again."

Jay winced, "Did it hurt?"

"Not that bad," Hailey took a deep breath, "He numbed it and that sorta burned."

Jay let out a breath, "Damn."

Hailey nodded. She chewed her lip and picked at the label on her bottle.

"Hey," Jay lightly kicked her leg under the table and waited for her to look up to say, "I'll listen if you want."

And with that, Hailey knew he knew this wasn't some teenage trend. He could read her in ways no one else ever had, and she believed that he'd truly listen.

"I got it when I was twenty," she quietly explained, "I got in a pretty big fight with my parents a couple months before when I'd told them I wasn't going to go to law school and was signing up for the police academy. My dad threw a beer bottle, so I turned to leave and ended up slipping on the beer and fell right on the glass. It got me pretty good, I should have gotten stitches, but…" She trailed off and rubbed her face.

Jay's eyes fell, but he remained steady as he waited for her to gather herself.

"I didn't," Hailey admitted. She shrugged, "I couldn't, so, um, it turned into a pretty nasty scar. I ended up meeting this girl, her name was Nova, and she had this-this beautiful tattoo wrapped around her wrist and up her forearm. I was never super into them, but this seemed different, so I asked her about it. It was a sort of vine, flower combination and she told me that each flower covered a scar." She frowned and sipped her beer, "She had hurt herself a lot when she was younger and covered it up with the tattoos. I loved the idea."

Jay's eyes flickered to her wrist even though they both knew he wouldn't find anything there.

"I went to a tattoo parlor and got a swallow tattoo to cover my scar," Hailey continued, "It's on my lower back off to the left, so not a tramp stamp." She smiled slightly and tilted her head to the side giving Jay permission to chuckle.

He quieted down after a moment and asked, "Why the swallow?"

Hailey shrugged and sipped her beer, "Was the first thing I thought of. I knew, well, I still know, a lot of the symbolism behind them. Rebirth, good luck, success, overcoming a difficult journey - all things I needed and wanted."

"Makes sense," Jay smiled, "But where does the piercing come in?"

Hailey sucked in a breath, "I was kind of a mess when I got the tattoo. I cried…a lot." Her cheeks burned and she returned to picking at the label of the beer bottle. "It just felt kind of freeing. I was covering up the one physical scar he left on me. It was over," she glanced up at Jay to see him watching her, all traces of a smile gone.

He nodded and said softly, "It was your fresh start."

"Exactly," Hailey sniffled. She took a deep breath and straightened up, "He, uh, he asked if he could do anything to help me out and I impulsively asked for a piercing. It felt like a big 'screw you' to my mom for letting my dad hurt all of us for so long. Plus, I thought it was kind of hot."

Jay laughed quietly as he nodded again, "Not gonna argue." He blushed himself then and looked down at the table.

Hailey smiled slightly, "So that's my story. As I grew up and realized my mom wasn't as awful as I thought at twenty, the two damn holes bothered me more and more. They seemed childish when I hadn't had the piercing in for so long."

"Gotcha," Jay said softly, "Thank you for telling me."

Hailey nodded and swirled her finger around the condensation her beer left on the table, "You're the first person I've told all of that too."

"Well, I'm honored," Jay took his beer bottle and tapped it to hers before taking a long drink.

Hailey waited for the question - it was always the one thing people would ask if she ever let loose that she had a tattoo - but it never came. Instead, Jay said, "I'd be terrified out of my mind to get one, but if I did, I think it'd be about my mom. Is that lame? Can guys get tattoos for their moms?"

That question, the unexpected one, made the corners of Hailey's lips tip up and she shook her head. "I don't think that's lame at all," she said.

Jay nodded and smiled, "She knows I would if I could."

"That's all that matters," Hailey said softly.

Jay finished his beer and breathed in, "You need a ride home?"

"No, I'm good," Hailey finished hers as well before standing up. She still half-expected him to ask what the tattoo looked like, but he said nothing and just took his keys out of his pocket.

They walked out to the parking lot together, but before they could part ways, Hailey stopped and grabbed Jay's arm.

"Thank you for listening," she said, "And for not laughing or judging."

"I'd never judge you," Jay shook his head, "But you're welcome."

Hailey nodded and squeezed his arm, "Thank you."

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Jay asked.

"Yeah," Hailey smiled.

Jay smiled back and continued the short walk to her car. He waited off to the side as she got in and locked the doors before jumping in his own truck and driving away.

For the rest of the night, all Hailey could see were his eyes and his hands. She'd taken note of them whenever she looked up while talking at the bar. His eyes, green as ever, could best be described as soft and patient. He seemed to feel bad for her, but not in a pitiful way - in a caring way. She knew had he been in her life nearly ten years before that he would have been her safe haven.

In contrast, his fingers had twitched around his beer bottle as she talked. His protective side had begun coming out. She had a feeling it had to really bother him to listen to her story and know he could do nothing to make it better.

That assumption was wrong, though. He could and did make it better just by listening.

She didn't realize it until a week later when she was getting the stitches out, but she felt lighter. She didn't feel like she was hiding her past anymore or dragging it around. She had chosen to share it with someone who cared about her and that made all the difference in the world.

Jay never outright asked to see her tattoo. He let it fly under the radar and kept her secret even though she never officially asked him too. Not once did he throw her under the bus when stray conversations about piercings or tattoos would come up with their friends; he knew she didn't want to share and respected that.

He didn't even address the tattoo until he'd seen her naked once, twice, three times. Their barriers had broken down and they crossed the line from partners and best friends to something more that could only be described as the soulmate kind of true love.

It wasn't until that third time they slept together that Jay made any indication of seeing the tattoo. She knew he had to have seen it the other times as she'd gotten out of bed in front of him to put clothes on, but he didn't mention it at first.

This time, however, as they laid in the afterglow of their night together with her warm body pressed into his side, he let his fingers trail slowly down her spine until they rested above the curve of her waist. His thumb then began brushing back and forth slowly.

She moaned and closed her eyes to press her face up into his throat.

The movement shifted her slightly more on top of him giving him more room to stretch his fingers. His hand almost covered her back and she knew there was no way he didn't feel the old scar as his hand swiped along her skin.

Despite the tattoo ink, the scar still had a unique feeling. It was raised in a slightly jagged line and felt smoother than the surrounding skin. The chunk of beer bottle she'd fallen on had been thick and about an inch in length, so the best way to cover it up had been with the nearly colored in wings of the swallow compared to its empty body.

She knew then that he had to have noticed it previously because his fingers perfectly traced around the vicinity of the tattoo. There was no way he could feel the ink, only the scar, yet he was still gently pressing his fingers along it as if to memorize its feel without actually looking at it.

She fell asleep to his thumb rubbing along the scar and his heart pumping under her hand.

Four days later, an early afternoon off led to enjoying each other throughout the apartment instead of just in Hailey's bed. Jay told her the were breaking in her new place and Hailey told him it was the one benefit to living alone because they really could walk around with no clothes and not a care in the world. They were the only ones that mattered.

That night, she decided to shower after they'd enjoyed pizza on her couch. Sending a wink to Jay, she stood to slowly drop the pair of panties she'd thrown on when the pizza arrived under Jay's dark green t-shirt she'd already claimed as her own. She then dropped her hair from the bun she'd put up before eating and shook it around.

Jay laughed, "What're you doing?"

Hailey winked at him over her shoulder, "Getting ready to shower. You coming?"

"Maybe I'll watch from here," Jay smirked.

Hailey rolled her eyes, but laughed and made her way to the bathroom knowing it was only a matter of time before he joined her. Slipping his t-shirt from her, she stepped into the shower and turned the hot water on. It quickly soothed her muscles, but she still chose to stand still for a moment as the water and hot steam encompassed her.

The shower door opened barely a minute later and Jay's body was pressed up against hers. Tilting her head back onto his shoulder, she wished she would never get used to the feeling of him. They'd only spent a few weeks together dating so far, but it was enough to tell Hailey they'd made the right choice. She truly felt alive when they were together and it was a feeling she didn't ever want to give up.

Jay must have had the same idea because his hands began sliding down her sides and over her thighs just feeling her. He pressed a soft kiss behind her ear before he began sucking a mark at the junction of her shoulder.

Hailey's hands reached back to grip onto Jay and steady herself as his hips slowly nudged her forward toward the shower wall. Anticipating he'd press into her, Hailey bent her leg and breathed in, only for Jay to pull his hips away. His chest was no longer up against her back, but was replaced by his lips as they slid from her shoulder to her spine.

He grabbed her hands to hold them against the shower wall while he kissed between her shoulder blades until he was sure she'd hold herself up. He then slipped his hands down her arms, brushed the edges of his thumbs along the sides of her chest, and dragged them down with his lips until he was kneeling behind her with his fingers wrapped firmly around her waist.

"Jay," she whimpered.

"Tell me if it's uncomfortable and I'll stop," he murmured against her lower back.

She didn't know how this would ever feel uncomfortable and partly wanted to question him when she suddenly understood what he meant.

Jay's kiss trailed to the left and she knew it was now planted firmly on her tattoo. His hands slid up and down her thighs as his lips slowly traced the edges of the ink.

Hailey felt like she couldn't breathe. It was overwhelming and tears came to her eyes. She didn't want him to stop, though: for the first time, she felt like perhaps her tattoo was as beautiful as Nova's had been years before.

Jay was right when she first told him about her tattoo: he'd said it was her fresh start. It was. The tattoo was the start of her finding herself and who she was destined to become. It erased her scar and replaced it with hope.

Hope that Jay now embodied. He was her hope for a brighter, happier future. That's why it didn't bother her that his lips were saying words against her skin that she was too stimulated to comprehend. When his fingers slipped around her thighs and pressed into the spot he'd been slowly getting to know, she wasn't turned off or in fear she'd have to fake anything. She was ready for him and for her fresh start with him.

Even minutes later when he straightened up to hold her shaking body back against him, she was surprised that a tiny voice in the back of her head was asking for him to do it again.

She didn't need to wait long for him to turn her around and press her back against the cool tile. She willingly was opening up to him and welcoming him into her.

His fingers trailed back down her left side until they reached the swallow once more. Whispering into her ear, "You're so beautiful and strong," the backs of his nails and occasionally the pads of his fingers began brushing against her tattoo like soft feathers.

She buried her face in his shoulder now that he'd lifted her to give himself enough room. She grabbed onto him moaning against his wet skin as the water still pelted down upon them plastering their hair to their foreheads and her back.

Hailey did feel beautiful and she did feel strong. She was fully aware that Jay was helping with a large portion of that currently, but he wasn't there ten years before when the needle first pierced her skin. That was all her. She'd been alone and began her journey of recovering from her abuse on her own. She saved herself.

After they fell apart into the other, Jay managed to have enough strength to turn off the shower that was beginning to turn cold and proceed to carry her out into the cool air.

Hailey wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him with all she had left in her. As she pulled away, she breathed, "Thank you."

Jay's eyes searched hers for a moment and that was all he needed to know that she wasn't thanking him for the sex, but for how she felt. He set her on the counter of her bathroom and rested his forehead against hers, "I meant everything I said."

If possible, Hailey's flushed skin burned brighter and she breathed, "What did you say?"

Jay chuckled and kissed her slowly before whispering, "That you are beautiful and the bravest, strongest woman I know. You are admirable. You are safe, and I promise to always protect you, Hailey."

Her eyes fluttered shut and she nodded.

Jay hugged her to his chest and rested his chin on top of her wet hair to look at their reflection in the mirror. His fingers once again found themselves tracing along the edges of the swallow permanently flying on her lower back.

"It's beautiful," he said softly.

Hailey smiled slightly and pressed a kiss to the edge of his throat.

He continued softly stroking her tattoo over her wet skin and watching the muscles in her back occasionally twitch. Eventually, he straightened up and reached over to grab a towel that he used to lightly dry her face before wiping his own off.

Hailey took it from him and softly patted his chest dry as she said, "Do you want to stay the night?"

Jay let out a laugh that warmed Hailey's soul, "I'd love to."

Hailey smiled and reached up to brush the towel over the sides of his hair that were beginning to dry.

"Bed?" Jay asked.

Hailey nodded and once again wrapped her arms and legs around him.

He laughed again as he lifted her. Grabbing the other towel, he walked them into her bedroom where he set her on the ground and dried her off while she attempted to towel dry her hair.

Every once in a while beginning then and continuing into the rest of the night, Hailey found Jay's fingers lingering along her lower back. She knew what he was doing, though, and didn't mind. She liked feeling him touch her there.

The tattoo freed her from her father and Jay was beginning to free her from her past.

She was ready for this new chance at life.