A/N: Sorry about the gross ending of the last chapter. Also, it'd be really good to hear some honest feedback on the story so far. I'm already on Chapter 8 but I can always go back and make some changes, I'd really like to hear your thoughts - hopefully there are at least a handful of people reading! I hope this story doesn't move too quickly for you...but after this chapter, it's gonna start to get real good ;) Enjoy! & Don't forget to review! 3

Chapter 4.

The smell of coffee beans and the sound of loud chatter filled the coffee house. Blake sat at a table for two in the corner as she watched the world go by. Her phone buzzed - 'going to be another 10 mins so sorry - kids!' Blake chuckled to herself - 'don't worry babe, see you soon' she typed in response.

She pondered for a moment as her thumb started scrolling uncontrollably through her chats, stopping abruptly at a particular name. She had been feeling somewhat mischievous all day. Somehow the guilt she had been carrying around all morning was unstoppably morphing into recklessness. She started tapping, slowly, hitting backspace a few too many times until she had constructed a sentence she knew she shouldn't send - 'Hey. Great to see you yesterday. Sorry our conversation got cut short. ...Anyway, hope things are good with you and maybe we'll catch up soon. Blake. X' - her finger hovered over the send button like a reluctant murderer with their finger over the trigger.

"Can I get you any coffee, m'am?"

The interruption scared her shitless. "Oh, gosh you scared me!"

"I'm so sorry, Miss" the waitress was more than polite when she realised who she was talking to.

"...It's fine, don't worry um...no, no. I'm waiting for a friend. Thank you, though."

Do I believe in signs? Blake asked herself, because if she did this told her not to send that text. Clear as day.

She believed in signs, but this time, she was ignoring them.

She pressed send and before she knew it a firework like display of emotions were erupting inside of her. Guilt. Nerves. Excitement.

She rubbed her palms against her temples as she struggled to balance the swing of sensations in her stomach. Unable to handle the unease in her body and the tightness in her throat she made her way from the table to the bar. "Actually a water would be great."

Blake was sipping at her drink when she saw the light of the phone display in the corner of her eyes. She couldn't make out the words through the distorted image the glass of her drink was creating.

'Hi. It was good to see you too. I don't know if it was much of a conversation, but whatever it was, it was nice. Maybe we can continue, whatever it was..Thursday night. I hear we're both going to be at that charity auction in the East Village. See you then, Penn'

Guilt never felt so good. A small, shameless smile erupted from her lips. She hadn't felt this dangerous in a long time, was that all it was? A lack of intrigue and desire in her life she had to resort to this? This what, she told herself. All she had done was send a short, pleasant message to an old friend. Okay maybe he was more than an old friend, but the point was, her message was unobtrusive. Curt and uncoy. There was nothing to feel guilty about...but if there was nothing to feel guilty about then why did she feel like she could vomit in that very given moment.

"Hi! I'm so sorry I'm late, this always happens. I suck." her friend reflected. She couldn't have arrived at a better time.

Blake threw herself from her seat and launched herself around her friend, distraction was most definitely the best medicine.

The pair mingled, munched and sipped through the next 40 minutes. People had come and gone but these two hadn't seen each other in months and there was catching up to do.

"So, what is going on with you?" Marissa's voice was full of intrigue and interest.

"Not much...you know, the usual, movies, kids, husband blah!" Blake joked, she made it sound boring but it never had been for her. In so many ways her life was exactly what she'd always wanted it to be. Her friends' eyebrows twitched in confusion. "Come on Blake...there's gotta be something interesting worth sharing. Nothing exciting you can tell me about? Gossip with you is not what it used to be.." Marissa resigned herself as she leant back in the chair, folding her arms in protest.

The general catch up had finished at least a half hour ago and Marissa was clearly trying to squeeze out whatever she could from her friend's glamorous lifestyle.

Blake was silent, itching to share what her friend would describe as a Class A scandal, but she knew if she talked about it it became more real. "Nothing." she responded. Blake's eyes told a different story. Marissa pushed further. "Nothing at all" the last word exaggerated in desperation.

Blake inhaled deeply, her lungs filling with much needed air.

"Well...you might find it interesting to hear…." a long pause ensued, she didn't know how this conversation was going to play out. "I ran into Penn a few months ago...and again, yesterday."

"Penn as in...Penn?"

"How many people named Penn do you know?" Sarcasm fueling Blake's expression.

"So when you say 'ran into' do you mean ran into or do you mean, organised to see?" This topic of conversation had barely begun and it was already feeling like an interrogation. The judgement in her friend's tone was not going unmissed and Blake was already regretting the decision to open her mouth.

"Ran into. Twice. Total coincidence."

"Oh my god." Marissa's retort was dramatic and pronounced. She let it sink in. "Where?"

"First at a concert. The second, in the street - I was shopping with James and...there he was."

"Wait, what did James make of all this?" Marissa's tone fuelled with concern.

"She…" this wasn't getting any easier. "...doesn't know."

"What do you mean she doesn't know? She didn't see him?"

"No…" the pauses seemed to be getting longer "I….I lied and said he was someone else."

"Oh my god, Blake, why would you do that?!" On second thought maybe Marissa wasn't the best person to have this discussion with.

"Because...she hates Penn. Did you know, last year, when she found out about Penn...you know being my ex boyfriend….she stopped using pens at school!" Blake chuckled at the memory, all the while discomfort seeped through her being.

"Did you tell Ryan?"

How on earth did Blake ever think this was going to be an easy conversation?

"Blake...did you tell Ryan?" Her friend was suddenly a little less friend and a little more detective.

"Yes. Okay. I...did."

"Why are you hesitating? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Okay you know what, maybe I shouldn't have brought this up with you. Clearly you just assume I'm cheating on my husband and I'm in a habit of lying to my kids. Let's just...change the subject." Blake had snapped and it was really only a result of the guilt she had been carrying since this morning. And that guilt was ready to boil over the surface.

Marissa was taken aback, angered by her friend's outburst. This quickly changed into an overriding feeling of concern.

"Hey...I'm sorry. I overreacted but so did you just then and…" she could tell her friend was distressed about something. "If there's anything going on...you can tell me."

Blake sat. Still. Contemplating her response as her fingers rubbed the side of the coffee mug in an attempt to soothe her nerves. Talking about this out loud with someone who she knew wouldn't judge her could help her realise what she was feeling was nothing. Meant nothing. Then why did it feel like exposing her inner thoughts would be like confessing to a double homicide in open court.

"I just….when I saw him...I…." she stuttered, not sure whether to continue "felt...something. When we talked, I...felt something. When we said goodbye...I felt something and it…" she stopped, inhaled again and lifted her eyes from the table to her friend for comfort "...terrifies me."

A small, sympathetic smile dispersed on Marissa's lips and her hands reached forwards for her friend's.

She was sure Marissa thought her confession had ended, it hadn't.

"And this morning...before you got here, I…" God, could she finish any of her sentences without hesitation? "Texted him and I feel awful and guilty and deceitful but most of all, I feel...excited." The last word rolling off her tongue as if it were a question, complexed by her own musings.

She wasn't sure whether this declaration was making her feel better or worse.

"Okay. First of all...what did the text say?"

"Nothing. It was nothing. Honestly. Just...you can read it but it said something like 'Hi...good to see you yesterday, sorry we didn't get to talk for long. Maybe catch up soon.'" She sighed in contentment. The message was totally reasonable. No flirtatious quips or flying comments about how good his hair looked.

"That's it?" her friend's eyes widened, the intensity beaming into Blake's soul.

"That's it." Relief was not a feeling she had been used to in the last 24 hours but she could honestly say she felt relief in this moment. Her text could have been so much worse.

Her friend breathed out too, the magnitude of the conversation encompassing them both.

"Okay. Well that's fine. Good." she thought, "did he respond?"

The nausea came back.

"Yes. He said, the same, good to see you too and maybe we can continue our conversation at this charity auction next Thursday."

"A Charity Auction?

"Yes. That apparently we're both attending."

Marissa could see the fear on friends' face. "Okay, well that's no problem then."

"What do you mean?" Blake took another bite at her blueberry muffin that had been rather neglected through the interrogation.

"Well...just, don't go."

Blake stopped chewing, her teeth grinding to a simultaneous hault.

"But what if...I want to." Blake was being dismissive, a new approach she was trying.

"Blake you can't go if you're feeling like this! What do you think's going to happen?" The interrogation lamp was on again and somehow Blake was getting used to how to handle it.

She could feel his hot breath on her ear as he whispered how fucking sexy she looked. She slid her hand from her lap to his and pressed her fingers into his upper thigh. He grabbed her earlobe with his teeth and wrapped it in his lips. She gulped as she moved her hand up his leg as desire burnt through her veins. She let out a long gasp and told him to stop before someone saw them. He pulled away from her face but only slightly, close enough that she could still feel his breath on her cheek. She continued staring into the abyss ahead while he mumbled something about wanting to fuck her in the bathroom.

"Nothing okay. Nothing will happen, we'll just talk." hunger was ripping through her bones and Blake was feeling the need for some alone time.

"Blake I really don't think this is a good idea."