Shut up in her office that morning, Olivia couldn't get her mind off the letter from Elliot. She'd read it several times since he'd given it to her, trying to make sense of it, but had never been able to comprehend more than the pain she felt just from the first line. When Elliot had poured out the truth about the letter the night before, it had hurt her even more. This time, she'd been able to understand what was written in the letter, but she still didn't understand the reasoning behind it.
Surprisingly, the words hurt more now, knowing that it hadn't actually been Elliot saying those things. She's always thought she and Kathy were friends, but the letter made her rethink that friendship. When she'd thought that Elliot had written those words, Olivia had been devastated, had even cried. Now, she was hurt, lost, and didn't know if she wanted to cry or not. She'd been unable to leave the letter at home that morning- it was currently on her desk, open, as she'd been reading it for the hundredth time, and now Noah was starting to ask questions. He had told her that morning that he'd heard her crying in bed during the night, and he had asked her why. She'd just told him that she wasn't sure why, but she'd been sad. There was no way she could tell her son how cruel people could be.
"Liv?"
Olivia jumped at the sound of the door opening. She hadn't heard a knock, but, looking up and seeing Fin there, she knew that she must have been lost in her thoughts again.
"You okay, Liv?" Fin asked, closing the door behind him. "You look pale. And tired."
"I'm fine," Olivia said, trying to inject some confidence into her voice. "Did we get a case?"
"No case. I actually got a call from Noah's teacher ten minutes ago. He's fine, but apparently he told her that he thinks something is wrong with you. She said that Noah seemed really worried."
"Is he okay? I can go pick him up," said Olivia, having not really heard what Fin said.
"She said that Noah wants to stay at school."
"Good." Olivia dropped back into her chair, not even realising that she'd stood up.
Fin slipped into one of the chairs in front of Olivia's desk. "Liv, talk to me. What's going on?"
"Nothing."
"It's not nothing. Your son is upset because you are, even we've noticed that you haven't left this office all morning. That paper on your desk is covered in blotches, which tells me that at some point, you were crying when you read it. You can trust me, Olivia, you know that."
Olivia sighed, but she knew her friend was right. Fin had always been there for her, had seen her at her worst more than once. If there was anyone she could trust, it was Fin.
"When Elliot came back to New York, he told me that he'd been asked to speak at my award ceremony. He'd written down what he wanted to say, so when he gave this to me," Olivia said, indicating the letter on her desk, "I thought that it was going to be his speech. I was wrong."
"When did he give it to you? I was at the hospital when you saw him and he certainly didn't have anything with him."
"After Kathy died." There was bitterness in Olivia's voice.
"It looks like a letter. What does it say, Liv?"
"It's not nice." Olivia picked up the paper and handed it over to her friend. "Read it."
The room was quiet as Fin started reading. Olivia could see his expression change from worry for Olivia to anger and hatred.
"He wrote this?" Fin asked, barely concealing his anger.
"Elliot wrote it, and last night, he told me that they weren't his words. He was drugged at the time, so I know he was being honest."
"Who's words would they..." Fin stopped speaking, the answer already obvious. "Kathy wanted to say this to you?"
"Apparently so." Olivia shook her head. "I just don't understand this. I thought we were friends, but that doesn't sound like something a friend would write."
"That's not the words of a friend, Liv. That's a jealous wife talking."
"Now you see the problem. The words make it sound like she thought I love Elliot. I don't love him, not like that. We were best friends, nothing more."
"I know that. He knows that. Deep down, she knew it too."
"Then why ask Elliot to write that?"
Fin shook his head. "I don't know, Olivia. I think this is something you need to speak to Elliot about, when he's got a clear mind. Maybe she said something to him that would help this make more sense."
"If I can ever find him, you mean? He slipped back undercover, and Sergeant Bell won't help me contact him."
Fin grinned. "I'll get Rollins, we'll find Stabler for you." Fin gave Olivia a real smile. "You'll get an answer about this, I promise." And, with that, Fin walked out of the office, closing the door behind him.
Olivia had to smile a little at Fin. He was very protective of her, and she did appreciate that very much. She knew that he would keep his promise to her, even if it took months for him to find Elliot.