LOVE IS THE LAST INFINITY STONE
Chapter 1 - And where did it bring you? Back to Quill.
Thanos pulled his great purple head above the very sticky ash and smoke of the surrounding battlefield. Yes, it was really fun fighting the Avengers and launching lots of bombs at things. But he had something that everyone wanted - his shiny gold glove of doom. His clunky big space hand. The Infinity Gauntlet.
He smiled at the Avengers and grinned an inane grin that mirrored very handsome pictures of Drake.
"I, am inevitable." His voice thundered like a really big rock falling into a well but in space.
"No, Thanos."
The Mad Titan looked down from where the sarcastic little American voice emanated, and had to suppress a wave of arousal. There stood the legendary Starlord, his now dead daughter's former boyfriend, self-proclaimed Guardian of the Galaxy, and defender of 1980s Earth culture. But why did he have to be so sexy? His penis stirred like a huge sexy purple raccoon and he struggled to maintain focus.
"We. Are inevitable." Starlord continued, his eyes tearing up, his pistol hands hanging limply at his sides.
"What are you saying?"
"Remember what you said? Years ago? You like me. And I hacked into your computer. I saw your search history, Thanos."
Thanos' sweat began to bead and pool and pour down the small of his back in first little droplets that collected purple dirt from various backhairs, before becoming a steady miniature downpour of water and salt.
"When did I say that" whispered Thanos through a mouth made dry because of all the sweat he was producing.
"When you held Gamora in your big strong purple hand. 'I like this one'. Don't you remember?" Starlord swallowed, perhaps distracted by Thanos' increasingly noticeable sweat. "Besides, you don't have the power to snap half the universe again. You just don't, understand? You need all the infinity stones."
Thanos ignored his heaps of asscrack sweat that had seemingly formed a small congregation of perspiration in defiance of his attempts to control it in order to look down at his gauntlet - no, they were all there.
"No, Thanos. You don't have love. Love. Is the last. Infinity. Stone." Starlord's heart began to quicken.
Tony Stark was there, but the last line caused Rocket the Raccoon to yell an offensive homphobic slur very loudly, and so Tony Stark, being a good ally, shouted out that the Avengers didn't stand for any sort of bigotry. Sadly this gave Thanos the time to throw a really big rock at Iron Man, who went crashing into some mud.
"I think I do have that infinity stone, Quill. Or should I say... Peter" boomed the big purple voice of Thanos
"What." said Spiderman
"He's talking about me, Bugboy" Said Quill, flirtatiously but with anger.
Thanos sat down on a convenient nearby lawn chair and started to think, letting the raging battle and cruel slaughter of his surroundings be tuned out by the thoughts of his severe, nay primal attraction to Peter Quill. Countless times he had the computers create 5D models of Peter Quill in various stages of undress, including that one where they both had sexy matching suits of bikini armour. Maybe that was why he let Gamora die - he couldn't let anyone keep his willy from getting to Quilly.
"Perhaps I judged you too harshly." And with that Thanos leaned forward and caressed Starlord's chin with his quite sticky (from all the sweating) hand, and snapped his finger. In a pulse of blueish light, Thanos and Starlord were gone from the battlefield.