Dearest readers, I should probably stop making all these promises to update soon when it is obvious that I haven't been keeping them. Anyways, a ginormously HUGE apology for promising an update and not following through. I am making a huge effort to have at least two chapters written before posting. We shall see, though.

Anyways, I am extremely excited to write the next few chapters. Because AT LAST, we come out of the dark and depressing grieving period and into the happy, fuzzy love chapters! I am so freaking excited!

The song for this chapter is Fearless by Taylor Swift. Normally, I don't choose TSwift songs. I have little patience for her since her songs are played so often. But when the muse speaks, I must heed her sweet call.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Seriously, nothing. I'm a box on the street kinda poor.

Chapter Ten: Fearless

BPOV:

I laughed as Jasper jumped high into the air, catching the football against his chest to the cheers of those watching. I clapped my hands and moved to help clean up the mess. Some friends from my dance classes had organized a picnic and I had convinced Jasper to accompany me. At first, he had been worried about the weather, not wanting the sun, which was much more common in Utah than Washington, to spoil our fun. Luckily, the group had opted for an overcast but pleasant day. While most of my friends avoided Jasper -not realizing that it was an automatic human reaction when in the proximity of a vampire -they seemed to be more at ease today. I supposed it was because of the normal, not typical vampire conditions we were in.

Things had been great between Jasper and I since Forks. I felt like I could move on easier since facing her grave and reliving the loss and I told Jasper as much. He claimed to feel similar. The saying 'Time heals all wounds' came to mind and I guessed it must be true. Jasper and I had started to explore more of Utah, taking a road trip down to Bryce Canyon and Four Corners. The latter had turned out to be rather boring but it was a place I could cross off my list of new, exciting experiences. We sat on top of one of the beautiful, red, sandstone rock formations so common to that area and just enjoyed the beautiful, breathtaking stretch of desert.

I kept my emotions under lock and key though. With every new discovery that we made together, every new sight we saw, I found myself thinking of Jasper in ways that before had eluded me out of loyalty to my former best friend. I couldn't be falling for my dead best friend's husband! But it was a futile attempt to fight it. Jasper was understanding but firm, sentimental but masculine, spontaneous yet reserved, humorous and serious, so many things that had me smiling at him and watching him when he wasn't looking. But with his special gift, I couldn't bear to let him catch wind of my feelings. I couldn't bear the ultimate and inevitable rejection of he who had come to be my best friend, my sole confidant. As cliché as it was to say, I couldn't bear to ruin our friendship over something as trivial as my feelings.

I wondered sometimes if I wasn't hiding my feelings as well as I thought I was. I would catch him staring at me, tenderness in his eyes and made my cheeks heat and my heart begin to palpitate in rhythms that were unnatural. Every night, after he had read to me, he would tuck me in and kiss my forehead lovingly. These small acts of personal and physical affection left me soaring and at the same time, my heart plummeted to my feet because I knew that they didn't mean anything to him. He was just putting me to bed. I couldn't tell him how desperately I wanted him to stay, how much I wanted to kiss him goodnight and curl up into his side and wake up to his smile in the morning, to wake to his kisses.

I was being ridiculous and that little voice inside my head had absolutely no qualms about reminding me of that. So I buried my feelings and lived off the moments that I had with him that were beautiful.

"Bella, what's your friend's name?" I smiled at Lucy, the eleven year old daughter of my friend Sharon. She was blonde and blue eyed and like the little voice in my head, had no qualms about complete and total honesty.

"Jasper," I told her, picking up a bowl of potato salad and carrying to the open car. She grabbed the bag of plates and followed me.

"Jasper," she mumbled to herself. "You and Jasper should get married." I laughed and nearly dropped the bowl I was carrying.

"Lucy, my dear, you have to be dating to get married," I chuckled. She sighed.

"Then date him," she said simply, following me as I went back to get more stuff to load into the car. My heart sped up at the thoughts her words induced. I could see Jasper holding my hand, the two of us cuddled up in front of the fire while kissing affectionately. I shook my head and glanced over at Jasper instinctively. He was smiling into his cup but whether that was from Lucy's simple statements or from something else, I wasn't sure.

"It's not that simple," I said, ruffling her hair. She stared at me contemplatively.

"But he likes you," she said as though I were stupid. "It's totally obvious. And you must like him."

"Now you're just being silly," I said in exasperation.

"What's not to like," she said. "He's a hunk," she mumbled and I had to grip the car to keep from falling over. She rolled her eyes at me and waited for me to finish laughing. "Look, I might just be eleven but I know love when I see it." I struggled to maintain a straight face. "He totally likes you!"

"Why do you think that," I asked, putting my hands on my hips and staring at her expectantly.

"He got you food, insisted on cleaning up for you, and grabbed your jacket from the car when you started to get cold. Not to mention he keeps looking at you." MY head whipped up to find Jasper's and I saw his face turn away quickly back to the football game. I frowned.

"That doesn't mean anything," I said.

"Don't you want to go out with him," she asked without comprehension. My face heated.

"It's not as simple as all that," I protested.

"Why not?" I sighed and knelt down, speaking quietly.

"It's not just about being nice and liking someone," I whispered. "When people date, it's because they want to be together. Jasper was married before me and his wife was my best friend. When she died, we were both really, really sad. And after being married to someone, being in love with them, it's hard to look at someone else the same way. So it's not about whether I want to Jasper or if he smiles at me. It's about if he wants to share his heart with me. And I don't think he does," I said sadly. She frowned at me and then leaned forward and wrapped her small arms around me.

"I hope that one day, he does," she said into my hair.

"Me too," I breathed quietly.

A couple of hours later, I sat in the den reading Wuthering Heights. I turned pages methodically while my mind revolved around the conversation that I had had with Lucy earlier. I knew that there were many flaws to her logic and that her youth made things much simpler in her eyes. But it didn't stop the small pang of want that echoed around my heart. I was glad Jasper had gone out to hunt. I didn't know how I would explain that feeling to him. He hadn't mentioned anything about my conversation with Lucy and I wondered if I was flattering myself by thinking that he would be listening and paying attention to it instead of the activities he was involved in. I was being ridiculous again, I knew.

"Bella?" I jumped my heart thundering my chest. I turned to see Jasper leaning against the doorframe, attempting to keep a straight face... and failing.

"Jasper," I gasped. "How long have you been standing there?" He walked into the room and sat next to me.

"Five minutes, maybe," he said. He brushed a strand of hair from my eyes.

"Why didn't you say anything," I asked uncomfortably. My skin was tingling from the slight touch of his fingers.

"Your preoccupation was far too interesting to interrupt," he chuckled. I blushed deeply. Had he felt the unrequited desire? "I was wondering if I could ask you a question," he said after a few moments.

"Um, sure," I said confusedly. He stared at me until I looked away, ducking my head in embarrassment.

"Would you like to go out with me on Saturday," he asked quickly. I stared at him, my heart stuttering. Had I just heard that correctly? Did he just ask me out? Like a date? "Bella?" I snapped myself from my thoughts.

"Um... y-yeah," I said clearing my throat. "Sure," I said with more confidence. He smiled a truly dazzling smile and I took an unsteady breath.

"Wonderful," he whispered, brushing a hand across my cheek. A trail of fire burned in the wake of his touch and I gulped. He laughed, then stood and walked out of the room, leaving me confused and terrified and pleased at the same time.