Dear readers,
First of all, HAPPY THANKSGIVING to my wonderful American's. I hope you had a day full of carbs and tryptophan induced comas. I won't be having my Turkey Day till tomorrow so lucky me.
Holy heck, I loved the emails that flooded my inbox with y'all's favorites, alerts and reviews. I always feel better after hearing your feedback and seeing how much you are loving my writing (especially since the chapters so far have all been the equivalent of my cutting my heart open and bleeding words onto the page). I am working harder on having everything all caught up for updates. The honest truth is that I love this story, the whole idea of being able to move on after a horrific trauma when it seems like the world has ended. Let's just say it is very near and dear to my heart for multiple reasons.
Anyways, this chapter. Funny story. I haven't been on a real first date with a crush in... well quite a few years. I haven't been on a first date in years, period. So, obviously when I went to write this, I had nothing to draw off of really. I asked my brothers, my friends, pretty much anyone who had been on a date more recently than me (which is basically anyone lol). After days worth of romantic comedies, I have at last refreshed my memory and remembered that butterfly in the stomach feeling of a first date with the guy (or girl for those of you who swing that way) you are completely twitterpated with.
The song for this chapter is Angel Eyes by Love and Theft. Sorry in advance to those of you that hate country music but let's be honest, Jasper is a Texas boy. And I'm from Georgia. So I'm actually not sorry.
Disclaimer: Not only do I not own any of this original content, I couldn't even tell you what a first date was like. Pathetic.
Chapter Eleven: Angel Eyes
BPOV:
I had no idea where we were going.
I sat in the car, fidgeting nervously while my heart hammered away embarrassingly. I stared resolutely out the window, trying to spot where our final destination was. I had been surreptitiously sneaking glances at Jasper since he had secured me in my seat of the car and sped out of the driveway. He looked wonderful in a simple black t-shirt with a grey jacket thrown over it and acid washed jeans. I was in a simple red, cotton sundress and flats with a cream sweater. It was another overcast day with warm rains promised and I planned to take advantage of the new warmer weather. I suspected that he had something planned out of doors but so far my attempts at extracting plans from him had ended in a devastating, secretive smile and a refusal.
Not that I minded if we got caught in the rain. I loved the rain here in the desert. It wasn't as noticeable in northern Utah, but where rock and sandstone covered the vast majority of the area, the air smelled spicy, sharp. Up north the rain brought a uniquely wonderful smell that reminded me of the best kind of cologne mixed with tree sap mixed with clean laundry. It was impossible to explain but I basked in Utah's rainy days like I had never done in Forks.
Of course, it rained every day there. Not quite as special.
Jasper took the exit we were coming up on and I peered out the window, mentally cursing myself for not paying attention to the attraction signs before the exit.
"Will you tell me what we're doing now," I asked him impatiently. He smiled and shook his head.
"Not a chance," he said. "I want to see the look on your face." I huffed an overdramatic sigh and he smiled. "This is fun," he said. "I couldn't surprise Alice with anything because she always saw what I was planning the minute I made the decision." I laughed.
"Bringing up the dead wife on a first date is considered very faux pas," I teased and he laughed with me.
"I would say going on a date with a Major from the Civil War is considered faux pas as well," he countered. I shook my head.
"Nope, it's all the rage. Women are running all over trying to find Confederate officers before all the good ones get taken." He laughed, eyes sparkling and I felt myself beginning to relax. I'd built this date up in my head to the point where I not only began to lose sleep over it, but had nightmares when I did relax enough to sleep. But I needn't have worried. Conversing with Jasper wasn't any more difficult than it normally was. Though I supposed that now our usual playful banter could be labeled as flirting. He turned the car down a twisting lane and I looked to our left and saw the towering metal frames of multiple roller coasters.
"Lagoon," I asked, completely surprised by his choice of activity. He smiled gleefully.
"Yes, Lagoon. I thought since the weather is perfect for an outing with me, you might like to visit what I'm told is the most exciting place in Northern Utah." My heart skipped a beat when he smiled and I watched his smile widen.
Sometimes, I really regretted this whole superhuman hearing. Heaven help me if I couldn't keep my feelings buckled down. The last thing he needed to feel was the complete and utterly pathetic need that I was drowned in whenever he smiled at me.
If he hadn't already, that is.
He pulled up to the next available booth and handed over payment for our parking. We were one of the first people in the park and I suspected that the weather forecast meant that the crowds would stay smaller today. I wondered if Jasper would be okay being surrounded by so many humans.
He helped me out of the car and led me to the entrance, where I waited for him to buy our day passes -I ignored the prices on them, unwilling to consider how much he was spending on a pass to ride roller coasters when he probably wouldn't even enjoy it.
"How does this work for you," I asked as we entered the park, an attendant checking our passes and stamping our hands.
"What do you mean," he asked, placing a hand on the small of my back and leading me through the people gathered by the gates. My skin burned where his hand rested and a colorful blush tinged my cheeks. I saw his mouth turn up and I felt better in knowing that he wasn't embarrassed by my body's responses to his presence like I was.
"Well," I said, trying to focus my mind back on the matter at hand, "obviously the roller coasters aren't that exciting for you. It must be rather slow compared to how fast you can run. So, I'm wondering why you chose something that won't be much fun for you." He steered me through the park towards an intimidating looking ride near the back. A line was already formed and winding around in front of it. I gulped nervously.
"Amusement parks are wonderful places for an empath. You feel this exhilaration, fear, freedom! People's emotions are peaking, erratic. It gives you a real high. Besides, I figured with all this new stuff you have been trying and loving, you should try this. There is nothing quite like being strapped into a little car that runs over some metal tracks and plummeting suddenly to what, with one misplaced gear, could be your ultimate death." I gaped at him, mouth hanging open.
"Well thank you for settling my insecurities and doubts about this activity," I said sarcastically. "I feel so much better about strapping myself into one of these things." He laughed and pulled me closer and I reveled in the feeling.
When had I turned into such a sop? You'd almost think we hadn't been living together for almost a year. I guess that's what a first date will do to you; turn your brain to mush and your body to extreme sensitivity. I kept telling myself that this was just Jasper. But every time I even attempted to justify my body's reactions, my mind would argue that this was Jasper and I would begin to freak out all over again. I don't know when exactly my attitude toward Jasper had changed from my best friend to the extremely attractive guy I wouldn't mind giving my heart to but since it had happened I noticed so much more than before.
Now when he smiled, I was left reeling and fighting the desire in response simply because his lips turned up in joy or amusement was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I had always loved Jasper's deep, masculine laugh, but now his laugh was breathtaking and I could feel my heart swelling at the sound. His eyes had always been so expressive, my own way to read his emotions, but now I wondered how I had never noticed how his eyes burned. They were alive with so much emotion and I felt myself get lost in them before pulling myself back to reality.
Now, as we stood in line for the first ride, I could see that he was already tasting and soaking up the emotional atmosphere. As a car jetted down the track on the ride we were on, his lips involuntarily pulled up into an exhilarated, breathtaking smile and the corners of my own mouth twitched in response. His eyes were wide and I suddenly understood why he wouldn't be disappointed in our activities today. I worried often that he would get bored with all the mundane human activities that I involved myself in but watching the thrill on his face made me realize that Jasper found so much in a situation that I needn't have worried. I let myself compare him to Edward on so many occasions but really, there was no comparison.
Edward had been careful and cautious, always holding off from doing something, if he even decided to do it at all. He had held himself in restraint so often that I wondered what kind of existence he was living in. He never let himself go, never acted on instinct, at least not in my presence. So when Jasper came to live with me, I assumed that he would get bored in the insignificant details of my life. I had never taken the time to inspect that my assumptions about him were that I always took Edward's cautious nature as a vampiric quality instead of just a quality about Edward that he had always had. I also guessed the Jasper's abilities as an empath added a lot more to a situation that Edward's mind reading had. It was one thing to hear someone think about how much fun they were having; to feel that joy was another thing entirely.
"Knock, knock," Jasper said teasingly, rapping his knuckles on my head softly and smiling. I pushed his hand away with a joking huff. "I know I'm boring but I didn't think I was so boring you would lose interest before we even started having fun," he joked. I rolled my eyes.
"Like you could ever be boring," I muttered and he laughed.
"You would be surprised how many people think I am. Emmett thinks that all this time with the family has tamed me. He remembers me when I first joined the family and I couldn't be caught dead reading a book. I had to be out of doors, moving, doing something all the time. Now, he says it takes an army to get me out of my study and away from my history books." I smiled, imagining Emmett's nagging as he tried to coerce Jasper into going hunting or wrestling. I loved that Jasper's love of books was matched by my own. We spent most of our evenings curled up on the couch in the library or in my bed, reading whatever held our interest at the time and sharing anything we came across that we thought would interest the other. The idea that Jasper did nothing but read was utterly ridiculous. He did everything with me since he came to Utah; helping me learn new dance steps and occasionally teaching me new ones, rock climbing around the mountains that surrounded the cabin, preparing ingredients for whatever recipe I was experimenting with. There was one activity that I wouldn't allow him to accompany me to though I knew he suspected what I was doing when I came home smelling like leather and engine exhaust. But that was a delicious surprise I was saving for later.
"Emmett's full of crap," I said bluntly and he laughed, pulling me into his side and squeezing me. "I can think of a handful of things we do together that don't even involve staying at home, let alone a book." I tried not to betray the contentment that was warming my limbs from his arms holding me to him securely but he squeezed tighter and I suspected that I wasn't being as secretive as I thought I was. It was hard to reign in my emotions when I was around him but it was well worth the effort; if he decided that a relationship wasn't something he wanted, I didn't want him to know just how much I wanted him.
The ride attendant beckoned the two people in front of us and then sent us to set in the two seats next to them. I climbed in and Jasper helped me pull the safety bar as far forward on my legs as it would go before securing his own bar -not that it was really necessary for him. I looked at him, feeling a little sick and he laughed before rubbing my hand reassuringly as it clung to the bar. I had seen what this ride did. You got in your seat, went through a tunnel and were rocketed literally straight up in the air and then you teetered there for a few seconds before falling at what I thought was a terrifyingly, alarming rate and looping around until you stopped. I was surprised my obvious fear wasn't making Jasper pee his pants.
"Why did I let you talk me into this again," I asked in a small, breathless voice. Jasper sighed and rolled his eyes with a smile.
"You'll enjoy this if you let yourself," he said tapping my nose. Suddenly the car lurched forward and my already tight grip on the safety bar tightened and my knuckles began to turn white. We curved around the tunnel and I gulped, praying to any deity listening to save me from dying, or at least throwing up. Jasper put his hand on mine and, were it not for the death grip I had on the safety bar and my fear of what would happen were I to let go, I would have gripped his hand in terror.
The car rocketed up into the daylight and I screamed, my back laying flat on the chair, watching the sky grow closer as the car slowed down. While some might have considered an added bonus to sitting in front, I found that the few seconds we spent hovering over the edge of the curve staring down one hundred and ten feet, was a completely unnecessary part of my riding experience. I screamed in exhilarated terror as we began to fall, catching speed and head for the ground only to curve up at the last moment and then going up and over a small airtime hill, braking slightly, before going up and quickly flipping around a sharp overbanked turn. The track leveled out, before we were sent up into a zero-G roll. We leveled out ant I hoped this was the end up but I was let down. We descended into a double half-pipe, then we twisted to the right, left, then into a right half downward helix, then twisting to the left, then descending back into the tunnel, before ascending and leveling out. The brakes hit suddenly and I was propelled forward into the bar before sitting back while the car moved back to its starting position.
I looked over at Jasper, feeling a little windblown and breathless. I laughed at the wide grin on his face. He looked at me and laughed at what I assumed was my wild hair and crazy eyes. He whooped as the bars released and helped me unsteadily move onto the platform and down the stairs.
"Wasn't that fun? I loved the part when they shot us up. Did you know that we were traveling at roughly 4.885 gs ascending the tower? Isn't that amazing? And coming down we were going about 55 mph which isn't all that fast but it seemed faster to everyone traveling in such a steep drop." I had to laugh at his enthusiasm. I never should have worried about Jasper being entertained; his vampiric nature couldn't stop him from absorbing and relishing in the emotions of us humans.
"It was... not horrible," I said after a moment, flashing a smile when he leveled me with an unamused look. "It was terrifying but surprisingly pleasant," I conceded. "What's next?" He smiled and towed me along to another ride.
The day passed like that and I was pleased to say that after three or four rides, I began to come out of my shell and pull him to a line. The feeling of falling and turning and flying was similar to vampires running only much slower. We tried every single adult ride they had and then went back for seconds and thirds on our favorites. I knew which Jasper's favorite was as soon as the ride took off. We were on the Rocket: Blast Off waiting for our seats to be hundreds of feet from the ground when suddenly we were shooting upwards. I screamed in delight and suddenly I felt my thrill increased tenfold and turned to Jasper laughing hysterically. He was projecting the emotions of everyone on the ride and we locked eyes as we bounced from the top to the bottom of the ride until they finally pulled us down. The only ride to rival it was the Re-Entry, the Rocket's sister ride which towed your seat to the top of the tower and then dropped you without warning. I found that these rides were the ones that Jasper got the emotion from, though I enjoyed the slow, carefree rides like Rattlesnake Rapids which was a floating circle of seats that ran down an artificial river, occasionally becoming rough over whitewater runs and waterfalls. Jasper had been the unlucky recipient of sitting directly beneath the waterfall when we floated under and coming out completely soaked but enjoying my mirth over the entire experience. He got his revenge by grabbing me up in an encompassing, wet hug as soon as we were back on the sidewalk. I squealed and attempted to pull away from his iron grip. He laughed harder and lifted me, towing me down the path. I rested my forehead against his shoulder and sighed.
Today had been perfect. It was another wonderful example of the way Jasper was willing to push me out of my comfort zone and encourage me to try new things. I had found that while I would probably never be entirely comfortable with the rides that shot us into the air at speeds that jets achieved, I enjoyed the thrill that roller coasters gave me. It was something that I never would have even tried had Edward stuck around. I found myself almost grateful for his departure. If he had never left me alone in the woods again, I would never have known that I could be an excellent dancer. I would have never felt the satisfaction of climbing a mountain and finding the perfect footholds in the worn rock. I wouldn't have learned to garden or cook exotic foods. There were so many things that I found a deep joy and satisfaction doing that I had been too timid and fearful to try with Edward.
Jasper was good for me. He could protect me not only from my notorious magnet for trouble but from myself. He could tell when I was lying to myself and he called me on it, making me face my feelings and work through whatever problem I was having. He was a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold during a scary movie, a friend to share a good joke or a moving verse of text with. Without his company these past months, I would have gone absolutely crazy and probably been committed into a mental institution, going crazy over Alice's death. Jasper had literally saved me from myself.
I looked over at him, smiling fondly as I watched him while he tried to describe an extremely fast roller coaster that he and Emmett had gone on in United Arab Emirates. His expressions as he described the speed that even he and Emmett had enjoyed made my smile grow wider and he began to gesture with his hands as though hoping he could gesture it into reality before us. I laughed when he sighed and just shook his head, smiling. We walked along in comfortable and then I felt his hand slide into mine and his fingers interlace with mine. I looked down at our joined hands and then back up at him. He smiled affectionately and then grinned wider when he felt the thrill of joy running from our joined hands to my heart that beat any roller coaster in the park.