The second stage of the exams is a cavalry battle. I'm still too flustered to think right and I barely listen to the instructions.

"Oi, Scarface, you're with me," Explosive calls viciously from a pile of people.

I look over and glare.

"No."

"I swear if you don't move on-"

I ignore him and walk away, heading away from him, Dual-haired, and Green. I walk towards a guy with purple hair standing by Laserbeam and some chubby boy.

"Do you need someone?"

He glances between me and the blonde, now screaming obscenities at my back, before smirking. He nods.

We form our team, I take one side, purple on top, and Laser the other. Chubby stands at the front, lip worried and hands shaking. I sigh but say nothing. The anger, so bright and painful in my chest, dies back down to embers. It leaves a strange taste.

"You guys ready?" Purple asks. I nod even as the other two say yes. Purple frowns, looking in my direction. "Hey, what's your name, doll?"

I glower at him sourly. Doll?

"Hoki, Rin," I answer. He smirks. It's predatorial.

-Static-

I blink into the applause, my legs aching, chest sore, and sweating. In front of me, the others do the same. Laser looks winded and overwhelmed, Chubby ready to cry. I hold my head and try to understand.

"I… What happened?"

"Great job everyone! We'll have a short break as we prepare for the next round!"

I turn towards the only one unaffected. Purple walks slowly from the field. I don't think, body moving towards him. I grab his shoulder. He stops, lips dragged into a frown and eyes narrowed. He eyes me as if in boredom. But there's something there, almost like respect, except more analytical.

"Yes?"

"What did you do?" I ask, letting go and taking a step back. My body quivers at the lack of understanding, the lack of control, the loss of time.

What did I do?

"Win," he says with a smirk. "Thanks for that doll."

I blink at that strange nickname again, frowning. He walks away and I watch him go, uncertain.

"Hoki-chan," calls one of the girls. I glance over at Bubbly, the floating one, her short brown hair cropped and her cheeks rosy. "Come on, let's go get lunch!"

.

.

.

The cafeteria, usually bustling with business, is even more crowded than usual. I don't like it. It's too noisy. Voices and laughs feel like screeches in my ear. People cling closer and closer. My table of solitude lost to the masses.

I cringe and consider my chances on the roof.

Frog must notice, she catches me by the sleeve and tugs. Eyes wide, her tongue poking out, she nods towards a large table full of my classmates.

"Eat with us!"

I deflate.

"Fine."

She smiles and leads me over. Glasses grins at my approach, Green stares wide-eyed, and the group immediately scoots to make more room. I swallow down the strange scratchy feeling in my chest and take a spot between Glasses and Tape. Across from me, Red stops his conversation with Headphones to grin.

So many people…

My skin itches at it all.

"Hoki-chan, you did an amazing job in the second round!" Green says. He leans forward with big, green eyes shining. I cringe at the awe in his gaze. "I've never seen you use your shadows so offensively!"

"Yes," agrees Glasses, nodding viciously at my side. "Your performance was incredible. Especially towards the end."

"So cool! You must have been training super hard Hoki-chan!" Bubbly says, pumping her arm victoriously in the air. She nearly hits Glasses, causing him to dodge backward in his chair.

I stare at them blankly. Then shrug. I pick up my sandwich and eat. It tastes like sand in my mouth, coarse and dry and flavorless. I chew thoughtlessly before noticing everyone's stare. Then I swallow, realizing they want a comment.

"I don't remember."

Everyone twitches with several falling forward to hang their heads. I take another bite. The taste remains the same.

"Seriously?" Red says, shaking his head. "Man, you say it so chill. But, really, you're kidding right?"

I frown at the food, not looking up. Their questions, usually so amusing, grate against my nerves today; the noise and closeness and smell of sweat and food turning my stomach. I give up on eating and stare at my hands in my lap.

"I don't remember," I repeat. My hands shake at the words. Why don't I remember? Why does this bother me?

What did I do?

"Y-You okay Hoki, ribbit?"

If you want to be a hero, show them your strength. Smile.

I smile.

"Yeah." My stomach churns and I push away. "I'll see you later."

I throw the still full tray away and head towards the lobby.

.

.

.

In the quiet peace of the lobby, I notice the phones.

I don't know what makes me do it, but I cross the room and pick it up. It takes only a moment to recall the number—to dial it.

I hold the receiver to my ear, listening as it rings. It rings. And rings. And rings some more. My stomach drops and something squirms in my chest. Like tentacles, wrapping around the delicate organs. I hold my breath, hoping, waiting. No one answers. A message plays in my ear, Yui-san's cracked voice speaking in low tones.

"This is Takidori, Yui. Leave your name, number, and whatever you want after the tone."

I say nothing as it beeps, my throat tight. I feel nauseous. I replace the phone on the machine and step away.

She didn't answer.

My eyes water.

What, you want us to watch you?

I had. Some part of me had hoped she'd be proud.

Why wasn't she? What did I do?

Why can't I remember?

I stare at the phone and stare and stare and stare. Until the empty, endless well inside me sparks with something else. Heat burns beneath my skin, black flames licking up from the cracked scars on my skin. I crush my fist, glaring.

"I hate you," I whisper to the empty lobby, to the phone.

Why don't you want me? Why don't any of them ever want me?

I turn and head back towards the stadium. I don't know what to do. I do what I usually do. I follow silently and wait. Soon it'll be my turn.

.

.

.

"THANKS FOR WAITING! NEXT UP IS THESE GUYS!"

"SPARKING KILLING BOY, HERO DEPARTMENT KAMINARI DENKI, VERSUS SHADOW QUEEN OF SMOKE, HERO DEPARTMENT HOKI RIN!"

I tune out Present Mic and the crowd and instead looking around. The arena is a large cement platform, Midnight standing on a platform and the familiar electric blond smirking across from me. Kaminari. My chest swirls with a strange mix of emotions. I don't want to fight him. I want to make him bleed. Shadows lick at my skin, a black flame engulfing my arms. It stops below my sleeves. Midnight gives me a worried look, but I ignore her, ignore the redness of my eyes and the tremble of my lips.

"BEGIN!"

She snaps the whip and my tentacles form in an instant.

The blonde races sideways, likely to evade my shadows and catch me in his shock. I don't let him. With a flick of my wrist, the shadows stretch across the ground. He tries to jump. They catch him by the ankle. He doesn't even manage a spark as I throw him from the ring.

He flies through the air, twists, and lands on the ground.

I turn to the dark-haired heroine with empty eyes.

She blinks.

"Kaminari is out of bounds! Hoki wins!"

The crowd roars. I say nothing, not bowing, not helping the blonde, not anything.

I turn on my heel and exit.

My chest still aches with emotions. My eyes burn. I retreat inside.