Despite EJ obviously attempting to be charming, Gina was having none of it. After he suggested risotto, she merely grunted in vague agreement, and sat in silence with her arms crossed over her chest. He wasn't going to get away with cheap nostalgia and inside jokes just smoothing everything over.

Gina had noticed that the restaurant where they'd had their first date was just a couple doors down from the hotel where the wedding was, where she had her backup plan room waiting for her. She felt better knowing she had an escape route when things got to be too much. Because there was a good chance this was going to be too much.

She totally understood Ashlyn's perspective, that she didn't want the whole weekend consumed for each of them by the…. whatever going on between them. But she also didn't know what she even wanted from this little exercise. To tell EJ off for backing away from her? To admit that she regretted walking away from him the last time they were together, that she knew she wasn't over him? To say how much she had missed him and wanted him back in her life?

Or would she do what she always did, and cut him off at the pass, tell him how it was going to be, because that was the best way she knew to protect her heart?

That was the biggest problem with what had happened the last time they were in Salt Lake. She had let herself lose control a little TOO much, and that's how they ended up here.

...

It had warmed up quickly that summer. the heat uncharacteristically reaching into the 90s by the middle of June. Gina had been looking forward to her trip for weeks. It had been a tough second semester at UCLA, but seeing Ashlyn always grounded her and got her head back on straight.

She was grateful it was a short flight from her mom's in Albuquerque, because her knee still protested if she sat in the same spot for too long. She was a good 4 months out from the last surgery, a dark keloid scar now running down the side of her kneecap. She had replayed it over and over in her head a million times, but she still doesn't understand how it happened. She had done that turn thousands of times flawlessly, she doesn't know why that time, her body gave out and her knee took the brunt of it. Tore up everything inside,and needed two separate surgeries to put it all back together. She had finally been able to shed the brace a couple weeks ago, thanks to what he physical therapist called "the most stubborn determination I think I'd ever seen." Which would come as surprise to absolutely no one who knows Gina.

Her body was healing and getting stronger, but her head was a mess. She'd been a dancer for so long, she didn't really know who she was without it. She'd been given the go ahead to start some classes again when she got back, but practically, she knew it was over. She'd never have the same level of extension she'd had before, and just the thought of landing high impact jumps made her nervous. Dance careers are perilously short anyway, so maybe this was a blessing in disguise. But what was she, if not a dancer? She still had to figure that part out. She hoped the weekend in Salt Lake would help.

She was lost in her own world as she navigated the airport, still careful of her knee not to get moving too fast. So much so that she didn't even register that a familiar face was waiting for her at the bottom of the escalator.

"Excuse me, have you seen a Duke sweatshirt anywhere?"

She laughed in spite of herself, looking up to find a familiar smile.

"EJ, what the hell are you doing here?" She could barely contain the smile on her face, it was so good to see him. He had been checking in on her regularly all spring as she went through her surgeries and recovery, and here he was, showing up for her again. Like always.

"Ashlyn forwarded me your flight info. She's got this summer class she's taking to get some stuff out of the way, and she said you were just going to Uber back to her place, but I figured, you know, for old time's sake."

What EJ didn't know was that that Duke sweatshirt was in her carry on bag.

He wrapped her into a tight, but chaste hug, before taking the handle of her bag.

"Come on, tell me more about your first year in LA. I've heard SoCal is a very different experience than NorCal…"

So much of that weekend was just what she needed… time with Ashlyn would always be something good for her soul. They sang karaoke in the living room, laughed at old photos, and swapped stories about their adventures and misadventures of freshman year. Big Red and EJ tagged along here and there, and they had a blast bowling together and getting pizza at Slices, talking and joking as if no time at all had passed. Gina was so grateful for all of them making time for her, especially EJ, who she knew didn't have a ton of time in town himself. Though EJ had tried to downplay it to Gina when he'd told her about it that spring, he had landed what Ashlyn described as a "crazy prestigious" internship for July and August, so he'd be flying out the same day she was to head back to San Francisco. Typical EJ, Gina had thought, absolutely killing it at whatever he put his mind to. How he was good at so many things never ceased to amaze her. When Duke didn't happen and he had to find a new dream, he made the absolute most of the opportunity at Stanford, ending up a varsity athlete and a top computer science student. If only she had half his ability to pivot, maybe she wouldn't feel so lost after her dance dreams had torn apart when her knee did.

Along with all the admiration she felt for him, she kept feeling the pull of something deeper. She tried to write it off as nostalgia for her first real relationship, but couldn't help but notice she'd laugh a little louder and stand a little closer to him than she needed to, and felt him watching her when he thought she wouldn't know. And when he grabbed her hand to help her out of the booth at the pizza place, she felt the same jolt of electricity run through her that she'd had at 16 with a schoolgirl crush. But she shook it off, pushed it aside. She was in no kind of place to think about anyone that way, especially not someone who had their shit together to the degree that EJ did. Not when she had no idea what came next for her.

That Saturday, the whole East High drama club was gathered at EJ's around the pool. The heat wave had continued, and Gina wasn't sure if it was the high temperatures or just the mix of emotions bringing everyone back together after a year apart, but it seemed like there was a lot of extra in the air. The copious amounts of alcohol that their gracious host provided probably didn't help.

The center of the drama was, as expected, Carlos and Seb. Gina's wisdom about college being the death knell for a lot of relationships certainly held true for them. Seb had stayed home to work the family farm, while Carlos headed off to NYU's Tisch School for choreography. Carlos got flirty, Seb got jealous, and the whole thing blew up over Thanksgiving. For once, Gina was very happy to miss a holiday with the Caswells as Ashlyn filled her in with emoji-laden texts. Time had NOT healed all wounds in this case, and there was a lot of side taking and dagger staring from across the pool.

The sun was starting to go down but the temperature was not, as Gina lay on a float the water, lost a bit in her own thoughts. She'd been drinking steadily since around noon, trying to block out the drama and the noise in her head. She loved this place, these people, so much. But it was also a startling reminder of who she used to be, before the injury. They only knew her as a dancer, a performer. Who was she now, without that?

She was too much in her own head to notice EJ slowly creeping up behind her float, and all of a sudden, she found herself upended and underwater. She came back up, sputtering and angry, to a laughing EJ.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! You were just a sitting duck there, it was too easy."

"Yeah, thanks, Caswell. Now my hair is going to be an absolute disaster."

He met her eyes steadily. "You'd still be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

Gina was flustered, and looked away. She and EJ obviously had a history, but they'd settled into a comfortable long distance friendship in the last few years, pretty much avoiding any post-relationship weirdness. She chose to ignore the voice in the back of her head that always compared the guys she dated to EJ, and that no one else ever quite measured up. That it still hit different every time he texted. But now that voice was screaming out loud that EJ still thought she was beautiful.

"Thanks, EJ, but that doesn't really help the frizz situation. I think I'm going to go dry out."

She climbed out of the water and laid down on a chaise, willing herself not to look back at him.

Night fell, and the guests had dwindled down to just a few. After a rather dramatic back and forth, Carlos and Seb left together, which was obviously not going to end well for anyone. After Nini Facetimed in to say hi from where ever she was this week, most people started to make their way home. Pretty soon, it was down to those who were already planning to crash for the night. Gina watched from the deck above the pool as Ashlyn and Big Red made smores at the firepit, which mostly consisted of Big Red setting marshmallows on fire and Ashlyn laughingly blowing them out. Gina smiled, knowing that her friend had the real thing. She wondered if that would ever be her someday, if she ever got her life together again.

She felt a familiar presence behind her, and knew it was EJ. What she didn't know was how she'd react to his hand landing on the small of her bare back, a couple inches above the bottoms of her bathing suit. She gave a little involuntary shiver at his touch.

"Oh, are you cold? I'm sure I've got another sweatshirt around here you could steal."

She smiled, and turned slightly to face him. She noticed he didn't move his hand, leaving very little space between them. "You know, I'm not sure I should even tell you this, but I still have your Duke sweatshirt. I actually bring it with me every time I fly. It's the best airport wear."

"Aw, Porter, I'm flattered. After all these years."

"You know, I've gotta say… It's a little weird being back here like this. It's kinda like a time machine, and I'm right back in that summer."

"Is… that a good thing, or…?

"It's… I don't know. That summer was pretty epic. But…"

"Knew there was a but coming…"

"I'm not that girl anymore. SO much has happened since then. It's hard to think about how far I am from who I was then."

"Gina, you ARE still that girl. I know you don't see it right now, but you will."

"I don't know that I even WANT to be that girl anymore. I've got so much to figure out. And I'm not sure this is helping or hurting that process."

EJ pulled back, as if touching her stung. "Well, it wasn't my intention…"

"No, EJ, you're not," she said, grabbing hold of his forearm. "I'm just… I'm kind of a mess right now. And it feels like it would be SO EASY to just take shelter here, not face it. Pretend that I can go back to the fantasy of that summer."

"So let it be easy. I'm here."

Gina closed her eyes. Despite their regular text exchanges, this is the deepest conversation they'd had in years. She knew she had had a decent amount to drink, maybe too much. But this didn't feel like it was the alcohol talking. It felt REAL. Maybe a little too real. She should probably abort this whole convo.

"EJ, you've been amazing through all this, I can't take advantage of your kindness any more than I already have."

"No one's taking advantage, Gi. I'm here because I want to be."

"Technically, you're here because you live here."

"Nice dodge, Porter."

"EJ…"

"Listen, when's the last time you just let go? Said, fuck it, and didn't worry about tomorrow, or the day after that?"

"I have always sucked at that, dude. I'm always thinking one step ahead."

"Don't have to tell me that, Wonderstudy," he teased with a gentle laugh.

"Oh ha, ha, Caswell. You know what I mean."

"Yeah, Gi, I do. I know YOU. And you're right, you're not that girl anymore. You're an amazing woman who's a hell of a lot wiser at 19 than I am heading into my senior year. You got dealt a hell of a blow when your knee gave out. But there's so much more to you than dance. You'll figure out where you're supposed to be. And until you do… we'll always have Salt Lake."

Gina laughed softly. "Thanks, EJ." She turned to look out over the edge of the deck, looking at him was bringing up more of those feelings she was trying to push down. "What's this like for you? You haven't exactly spent a ton of time back here since you started college."

"Well, my parents aren't here all that much, and you're not here, so not much to come back for, you know?"

Gina decided to sidestep the comment about her. "And you're leaving again Monday."

"Eight weeks of product development bootcamp at Google. Can't decide if I'm excited or about to throw up."

"You're EJ Caswell, you're going to be just fine."

"While I appreciate the vote of confidence, being EJ Caswell doesn't mean a whole hell of a lot anywhere but here. I know I've had a lot handed to me, and I'll always be grateful for that. But this is something I worked hard for, which, if history is any indication, makes it more likely that I'll fuck it up."

"I'm sorry, EJ, I didn't mean to downplay…"

"No, I know. I'm not great at living in the moment either. It feels like my whole life has been planning the next move, and now that the move is actually here, it's more than a little overwhelming."

"We're depressingly alike in that way. So when was the last time YOU just let go, said fuck it and didn't worry about tomorrow?"

She felt his hand come up to her cheek, the other curving around her hip. As she turned to face him, their eyes met again, but there was something different in his stare this time. An intensity she hadn't seen in so long.

"Right now." And he kissed her.

For a half a second, Gina was stunned. She couldn't believe this was happening, and couldn't believe how right it felt that it was. Once she could register what was going on, she almost involuntarily leaned into the kiss, wrapping her arms around him and pulling his body into her.

Gina had dated around since EJ, had even had a couple decent length relationships over the last few years. She wasn't the same inexperienced girl she was the last time they'd done this. But nothing, no one else, had made her feel like this. Where he was touching her, it felt like her skin was on fire. Gina was all of a sudden very aware of how much clothing they weren't wearing, still clad in just their swimsuits. Her body was pressed tight to him, and they could plainly feel how much they each wanted this.

Ej pulled his mouth away from hers, but the rest of him didn't move a fraction of an inch. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I…"

"EJ, shut up."

She kissed him firmly, with purpose. They both knew where this was going, and neither of them wanted to stop it. With a quick glance below to see if Ashlyn had noticed what was happening above them, EJ grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house. They had barely made it inside when EJ spun around and pressed her against the wall, kissing her hard, hands eveywhere, the heat rising between them. Gina wrapped her injured leg around him, and EJ immediately reached under her, boosting her up to wrap both legs around his waist. He carried her that way, not breaking their kiss, up to his room. He laid her down on the bed, and the careful, almost reverent way he placed her down, even in the heat of this moment, broke her heart a little. He was always so good to her, she's not sure why he thought she deserved it.

They broke apart briefly, panting. Their eyes met. "You sure?" EJ asked.

"Absolutely," she said, pulling him towards her and letting the rest of the world fall away.

...

Gina sat silently in the passengers, once again trying to unsuccessfully dislodge the memories of her and EJ from her brain. She heard a familiar light huff from the seat next to her, the way EJ always breathed through his nose when he was annoyed. She turned her head to look at him, steadfastly glaring at the brake lights ahead of them. They were almost at the restaurant, and she could feel the tension rising between them with every quarter mile.

They pulled into the parking lot, and as EJ cut the engine, she couldn't take it anymore.

"What do you want from me, Caswell?" she burst out.

As he hesitated to respond, Gina realized she'd asked a question she didn't really know if she wanted answered.