A/N: So, I've been trying to process what the thing with letter all means. Feeling lots of things right now. So, I had this in my head and needed to get it out.

/

Olivia Benson sat in her office needing some peace and quiet now that the case they were working with organized crime had been wrapped up. A case that had a far better outcome than the last one. Tension still remained between she and Sargent Bell and of course the elephant of all elephants in the room. Elliot. They'd managed not to kill each other and be professional but she just didn't know what to think. They hadn't seen each other after that night he showed up dosed at her apartment until this case came up. He wasn't around that much due to still being undercover but it was awkward. She had a splitting headache and had just popped a couple of advil when she heard a knock on her door.

"Come in." She replied

The door opened and Ayanna Bell stepped in, "I'd like a moment of your time, Captain."

Olivia sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, "Sure." She said and gestured to the chairs that sat in front of her desk

Ayanna took a seat and looked at the Captain for a moment. She could tell she was bone weary, "Captain, I know you're angry about Gabe Navarro. I did what I thought was right. But I assure you Stabler knew nothing about it."

"I believe you, about Elliot and I believed him when he told me," Olivia replied, "But you aren't the one who had to tell a rape victim her attacker is getting off scott free."

"I realize-" Bell began

"No, I don't think you do, Sargent." Olivia cut her off, "I live here Ayanna. Those women. Those victims trust me to help them." She paused, "I've always respected you. You are a good cop. But you and I come from different places. You worked narcotics and now organized crime. You've never sat with a victim holding their hand while they have rape kit done or while telling you their story. You go after mob bosses and drug traffickers. You think it's for the greater good but that doesn't help the victims I told they could trust me. Rape victims have a hard enough time coming forward."

"Don't presume what's in my head, Olivia." Bell argued

"I'm not presuming anything. I just pointed out where we are coming from." Olivia said, "Look, I'm not holding a grudge here."

"With all due respect, Captain, it's radiating off of you in waves."

Olivia sighed, "It's been a long day and my head is pounding. I just really wanna get out of here and home to my kid." She stood up and walked around her desk as Ayanna stood as well, "Can we call a truce or a tentative reprieve? We're probably gonna have to work together again and I uh, I hope we can both try to understand the other's perspective?" She reached out her hand

Ayanna accepted and shook the captain's hand, "Okay."

Olivia smiled, "How's that boy of yours?"

Ayanna smiled back, "Growing like a weed."

"It goes by fast. It seems like yesterday I took Noah home for the first time." She said as she walked Ayanna to the door

Ayanna was about to open it then turned back, "Listen, I know you're worried about Stabler. I have been too. I tried to pull him out but he insisted. Stubborn son of a bitch. I didn't really want him doing it in the first place."

"I know." She assured her with a smile

"You haven't really talked to him since that night have you?"

"Uh no. It's well…complicated."

"Yeah, I never would've known that." She joked, "But not talking won't uncomplicate it."

And with that Bell bid her goodbye

/

A week later Olivia was enjoying a rare night alone. Noah and the Rollins girls had begged for a sleepover and Amanda agreed to host it. She thought her boss could use some downtime. So she sat on her couch with a glass of her favorite wine while she rested her leg on the coffee table. The surgery had been successful but her ankle was still healing. Nothing appealed to her on TV so she opened a book she'd been meaning to read for some time. She settled back against the couch to read as she heard a knock on her door. She groaned as she threw the blanket and book aside and sets her glass down. She made her way to the door and gasps slightly.

"Elliot" She said opening the door

He was clean shaven and wearing jeans and a green Henley, "Liv, I'm sorry I should've called first but I just got done with my job went home to see my kids and wanted to come right over. I promised we'd talk."

She sighed, "It's okay. Come in."

"Is Noah here? I didn't want to wake him."

"No, he's at Amanda's. He and her girls begged for a sleepover. Kinda glad Amanda agreed to do it. It's been a long week."

"Liv-"

"No." she cut in, "I have some things to say. You made your confession so now it's my turn."

He nodded but didn't say anymore

"Honestly, I'm not sure where to begin, Elliot. The last few months I just…I mean first you just show up out of the blue deciding to come to my ceremony and then…Kathy. You give me this letter letting me think YOU wrote it and that YOU felt that way. Only to find out your wife said those things. I…I'm trying to wrap my head around why you gave it to me in the first place. Kathy was gone and to be frank Elliot you didn't have to give it to me even if she weren't. I'm not saying you should've lied to her but you could've talked to me at the ceremony, alone, and thrown that letter away. What was in your head? Reading those words and then hearing you say…how I mean the world to you. That you couldn't have left if you'd heard my voice. You've been giving me mixed signals this whole time and I never said much because you've been grieving. But I want to know. I want to know the TRUTH. Because I can't do this with you anymore. It's time for us to be honest."

He stood there hands in his jeans pockets looking down and nodding, "I know." He then looked up, "I guess the truth is I wasn't sure I was going to give it to you. That day in the park. I tried to talk but you shut me down. And I understood. I really did. I didn't think you really wanted to…wanted…well I didn't think I'd see you again. Even though I was staying in New York. Seeing you with Noah and the way you just walked away with him. I knew I'd lost any place in your life. I figured it was a way to just say goodbye. I wasn't really thinking straight. But I didn't mean any of that."

"Uh huh. After giving that to me you want me to believe you didn't mean any of it? That what, that last line you threw in there makes it all better? Parallel universe my ass."

"Liv, please." He pleads

"Don't Liv me, Elliot." She spat, "You ghosted me for TEN years. I guess you though that mini badge and note made that all better too? I gave you twelve years. Twelve years of partnership. Friendship. Having your back. And then you were gone. And when I finally see you again you give me a letter that says we weren't anything. We got in each other's way. You wrote that down. I doubt Kathy had a gun to your head. Was she still that threatened by our relationship when we hadn't even talked in a decade? I saved her and your son. I put your needs ahead of my own so many times. I deserved better than ten years of silence and a letter you didn't even write."

"I know you do." Elliot replied, "Liv, I left because I was trying to do right by my family too. I knew I couldn't come back and I just didn't know how to face you. I was a coward. Still am. But the truth is Liv. It's not just some parallel universe. I have loved you from the moment I met you."

Her mouth dropped much the way it had at the intervention

"And this isn't my grief talking or PTSD. I'm not drugged. I've got an appointment tomorrow with my therapist. I knew it was you that day you walked into that squad room in that awful pantsuit so young and eager. Kathy was my high school sweetheart, first love. And I did love her. But you reached into my soul. You were like a hurricane. I was never the same. I just never wanted to be that guy and I knew you'd never be that woman."

There a things you know about him I will never understand

Stunned she made her way over to the couch and sat down

"You were devastated by the separation, Elliot." She reminded him

"I missed my kids but the only reason I went back was Eli. And things had been rocky between us. I knew after Gitano how I felt but you left and then you left again. When you came back I just needed my partner. I couldn't risk it."

You give him stability

"Liv, I can't remember a time when it wasn't you. I tried to do right by Kathy and my family but it was and always will be you."

"Elliot, do you know how long I've waited to hear those words?"

Hoping he'll look over at you and realize you're the woman he can't live without

"I want to believe them. I really do." She said quietly

"Liv, I'm not asking you to jump into anything. I think we've both got a lot of shit to work through. I'm just asking for a chance to prove to you that I mean those words. That we work on being friends, and I hope to regain your trust. If you'll let me because I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

"I think I can do that." She gave him a small smile, "I mean, shaving that beard is a start."