The walk home is quiet.
It's hard not to compare Aizawa to Yamada. They're too clearly opposites, whereas Yamada-sensei is bright and warm, my guardian just seems bored and withdrawn, an almost pale contrast. He walks with his hands in his pockets and a bag of paperwork on his shoulder.
He says nothing, makes no comments, sings no happy tunes. And it hurts.
It hurts that he chose me. It hurts that Yamada-sensei didn't.
Why don't they want me? Why don't they ever want me?
We arrive at Sensei's home and he unlocks the door. Without a word, he grabs Miska off the floor and gestures for my bag. I exchange my things for the kitten gladly. Tears burning at my eyes, I bury my face in her fur. He watches, detached and quiet, and I move to the floor. Miska's tail brushes against my face and her paw swats at my hair.
I give her a watery smile.
She purrs loudly and rolls on her back.
Sensei goes to his room and returns in black sweats and a T-shirt minus his capture weapon, his hair pulled back in a bun. Like he did with the rules, he sits on one end, cross-legged. He says nothing and I run my fingers over the kitten's belly, smiling in spite of the tears as Miska grabs at my hand with her claws.
Then there's a knock at the door.
"It's open," my guardian says loudly.
"GOOD EVENING LISTENERS!" Present Mic bellows as he enters. Miska, startled by the loud noise, jumps from my hands and skitters across the floor to hide in the carpet. The blonde throws out a peace sign and grins. I manage a warbled smile back.
His face morphs to something softer and he sets the food on the table.
"Rin-chan, you hungry? I brought Thai."
I'm not, but Aizawa-sensei's stare tells me I'm going to eat regardless.
"Thank you," I mumble quietly.
Present Mic leaves Eraserhead to remove the food and find plates, he moves towards the couch and kneels in front of me. I stare at him and he opens his arms. Even with the warring feelings in my chest, I can't stop myself. I launch myself forward and he catches me, pulling me up as he stands. I latch my arms around his stomach and bury my face in his shirt. His fingers unravel my braid and I unravel with it.
"You did good today, kid," he says softly. "I'm proud of you."
I shake in his embrace and he waits for me to stop. He pulls away and, bending down, wipes away the tears.
"Let's go eat, yeah?"
I nod and follow him to the table. Aizawa hands me a bowl already fixed, and we eat. Dinner is a subdued affair, even with Yamada-sensei at the table. He and my guardian talk about everything from staff meetings to music. I fiddle with my food, scooting the small portion around on my plate as I try to work up the energy to eat it.
"Hoki, eat or I'm heating you broth."
I grimace and eat the noodles. Yamada-sensei looks at my guardian with curiosity.
"Broth?"
"Watered-down chicken stock," Aizawa says shrugging. "I have a rather large supply for sick kittens."
I don't miss the pointed look he gives me. I choke down the last of the food. Yamada chuckles and shakes his head, standing to clean his plate. He grabs mine as well and Aizawa gestures me to the couch. I frown but do as I'm told, nerves working in my chest as I wonder why they're both here.
Aizawa puts away the food and the blonde returns to my side, making me scoot over so he can have the end and nestling me into his side. He reaches over and grabs me a blanket, draping it over my legs.
"Comfortable?" he asks after a moment. I nod and hide my face in his side, the familiar scent of cologne so familiar and safe. "Good, cause we're about to talk."
I stiffen. His hands run through my hair until I slowly relax.
Aizawa moves in the kitchen, I can hear him starting the coffee maker. He returns, plucks Miska from the cat tower where she's managed to get to the third tier, and drops her purring in my lap. I run my fingers through the soft kitten's fur.
"What happened after the Nomu attacked?" Eraserhead says moving to his side of the couch, sitting cross-legged as he had before. He looks like my homeroom teacher again, eyes dark and stern. "After I told you to retreat to the warehouse."
I shrink and Yamada holds me a little tighter.
"I… I told the police-" I start, but Present Mic cuts me off.
"You did. But you haven't said a word about any of it, about anything since. You're bottling it up and that's not healthy. We've given you space, but we're going to talk about some of this tonight." Sensei runs his fingers through my hair as tears burn at my eyes. "If it becomes too overwhelming, we'll stop. But you're going to talk."
I nod.
Aizawa-sensei looks at me expectantly. My mouth feels dry. I clutch at the purring kitten wishing I could hide.
"Hoki."
"We went to the burning building," I manage. Neither seems surprised. It hadn't come up in the police report. "We… I did it. Shinsou followed 'cause I went."
"Why?" Aizawa-sensei asks, his voice steady.
"I couldn't… They- They were screaming," I cringe and feel the tears already start to spill over. I wipe at them, suddenly angry that I'm crying. I'm tired of crying. "They were screaming, and no one had come. If you see someone about to get hurt, and you have the power to stop it, but you don't. What does it make you?"
"Do you actually want the logical answer to that or are you being rhetorical?" Eraserhead asks crossing his arms.
I blink, face wrinkling.
"What?"
"The reason we are called heroes is because we respond to emergencies. The general populace doesn't because not everyone can. Just because you're strong doesn't mean you're qualified to handle every situation. Yes, if you see someone about to be hurt and you can help without reasonably endangering yourself you should. But you are a child. Children are expected to follow directions and not throw themselves into dangerous buildings or situations."
"B-b-but-"
Yamada-sensei rubs my arm.
"Is that why you ran into that building?" he asks softly. "Because you thought you'd be a villain if you didn't?"
I choke on some invisible thought and stare, mouth slackening. Aizawa snorts.
"The USJ, was the same, wasn't it?" Eraserhead asks.
I swallow before nodding.
"You know the rules, we need a verbal answer," Present Mic reminds me.
"Yes, sir," I manage spitefully.
"Where did you get this foolish idea?" Aizawa says leaning back.
Yui-san.
I can't choke out her name. And like someone stabbed me in the chest, my throat closes, my chest aches, and I can't breathe. My fingers spasm, clenching as I bring them to my face.
Eraserhead is there in seconds, pushing me to my knees, tilting my head forward.
"It's just a panic attack," he says gruffly, hand on my shoulder. "Ten deep breaths. Now."
I push him away as soon as I can breathe.
"I'm fine!" I snap, humiliated and flustered.
His dark eyes narrow.
"Excuse me?"
People can only take so much before they break. She will break.
"I'm not broken," I snarl. Smoke curls around my knuckles, around my arms, and neck. Heat rises beneath my skin and Eraserhead's eyes burn in response, his hair rising dangerously.
"Nobody said you were," he says.
"Now Rin-"
"You did!" I shout. Even without my quirk, I can feel the heat, I can taste the ashes. "I won't. I'm going to stop him. I'm going to kill him-"
This time, it's Yamada-sensei that interrupts. Long, leather-clad arms wrap around me, pulling me away, pulling me into a chest. He's so much taller than me. His familiar scent, his familiar hug. I can't stop myself.
"That's enough," he says firmly, his hand holding my head, fingers in my hair. I sob. I clutch his shirt and weep, shaking in his grasp as he holds me tighter. "What happened isn't your fault. You don't have to stop anyone. It's not your fault Rin. None of this was ever your fault."
.
.
.
The next day is much like the last. Shinsou meets me in my room until someone arrives, classes continue as always, and I manage to hide myself away at a table. Shinsou doesn't eat lunch with me every day. He offers me a spot at his table with his friends in the general studies class, but I refuse. I can tell it annoys him, the way his eyes narrow and his lip curls. But I don't care. I don't want to be around people. I don't want to have to stuff down emotions that feel too strong and wild. It's like being on a rollercoaster with no belt, working constantly to keep shadows from unfurling or flames from simmering. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I just want...
I just wish things were back the way they were.
I want my old life.
Wednesday, Shinsou sits with me at lunch. Unlike normal, he smirks wickedly. It's rather devilish when combined with the dark bags and the particular tilt of his head.
"What?" I ask quietly, taking a bite of my sandwich.
He snickers, looks at me, and snickers again. I scowl, narrowing my eyes.
"What?"
"They're throwing a party in the teacher's lounge."
My eyebrows furrow, my scowl turning more to a sigh.
"Why is that funny?"
His grin grows.
"It's a baby shower," he says leaning forward. I still don't get it. I tell him as much and he snickers again. I struggle not to give in to the distinct urge to punch his face if just to get rid of the stupid smirk. "Hoki, are you being slow? It's for Aizawa-sensei."
I still don't understand. I scowl.
"Why?"
Shinsou looks at me like he did in training, like I'm a particularly strange bug. My eyes narrow.
"Didn't you say he adopted you?"
"He… He signed the guardianship papers," I correct reluctant to even say it aloud. I bring some water to my mouth. "So, I guess? I'm his ward for now."
"For… Hoki, you're his new baby."
I choke on the water. It spews out of my mouth and he leans back laughing. In one quick motion, he's pulled out his phone and snapped a picture. I wipe my face, use napkins to mop up the mess and glare furiously. He smirks and shows me the picture.
I manage a strangled noise.
"Delete that," I growl, face burning at how stupid I look.
"No way!" he says. I lean forward to take it and he reaches back. "Heh… maybe we'll put it in your baby album?"
"I'm- that's- Shut up!" I scowl and lunge for his opposite arm. He blocks me and smirks. Then he slips the phone in his pocket and I back away grumbling.
"You're mean."
"And you're too easy to tease. Have you thought of names yet?"
I'm almost afraid to ask.
"What are you talking about?"
"You could call him Dadzawa…"
I do punch him this time. He doesn't move fast enough, and it catches him in the shoulder. I smirk at him when he grunts, rubbing his shoulder.
"Damn," he says. My smile dies and I feel suddenly bad for hitting him. "I thought babies were supposed to be nice…"
I lunge, but this time he's ready. He jumps to his feet with his tray and smirks down at me as I fall against the seat he was just sitting in.
"You suck," I sneer at him.
He snickers, moves to the other side of the table and sits. The baby jokes continue all lunch.
.
.
.
I can't look any of my classmates in the eye.
"Who do you think it's for?" I overhear Invisible say to Pink.
"It has to be a man!" Pink replies. "None of the female teachers are pregnant!"
"I heard it was for Present Mic!" says Kaminari.
"Guys, this is inappropriate! We should not be discussing our teachers' personal lives-"
"No way," interrupts Pink. "He'd tell the world! Hey, Hoki-chan, I heard you were interning with him. Is he married?"
My face burns as half the class turns to me.
"Ahh- I- Uh-"
I bury my face in my arms. Someone, sounding decisively like Red, snickers. Mineta, pokes my forehead with his finger.
"Hoki-chan, you okay? You're turning red…"
"It… could be Aizawa-sensei," Green mumbles from the front. I groan into my desk as Mineta pokes me again.
"Oh? How do you figure that?" Pink asks looking at him curiously.
"Well, Present Mic was talking to some of the upper years about how he's a godfather now, and Midnight was on her phone all class trying to get a gift, and those two are most close in age to Aizawa-sensei. Then there's the fact that nobody really knew about it and the faculty are all scrambling, so it would have to be someone who didn't tell anyone. And Aizawa-sensei doesn't ever talk about his personal life and…"
He continues mumbling.
"Ugh, will you shut up you fucking nerd!" Explosive—Bakugou shouts, turning around in his seat. "Nobody needs to know all that!"
"Hey man, he makes a good point though," Kirishima says scratching his chin. "It could be him."
"Sensei, with a baby?" squeals Invisible from the front. "How adorable!"
"He is really protective, ribbit," says Frog.
I'm beyond thankful when the door finally slides open and Aizawa-sensei reappears. I glance up from my arms, face burning red, to see his eye ticking at the strange set of grins leering back at him. He glares.
"What are you idiots smiling about?"
"Sensei, are you having a baby?" Red asks excitedly.
He glares.
"No, Kirishima," he says flatly. Around us, the class titters and Red turns bright pink. "You and your classmates ought to spend your time studying instead of worrying about such useless frivolities. Now, there's going to be a legalities test tomorrow…"
I'm beyond thankful when the bell rings and everyone finally leaves.
I look at Sensei and feel my face burn when he looks right back, lips caught in a scowl.
"Uh…"
"Get out your homework and get started."
I nod hurriedly and do what he says. I'm only about ten minutes in when a familiar voice booms down the hall. All Might.
"AIZAWA-KUN!" shouts the hero. "I'M-"
The door slides open and Sensei actively glares as… smoke pours into the room? I stare in surprise as Toshinori-san coughs, stumbling out of the smoke coughing. He sees me and freezes, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. I stare back, cringing as I wait for All Might to come in.
"Oh, uh, Young Hoki, Rin-chan, what are you… uh, how are you doing?"
I grimace but the gigantic blonde doesn't come.
"I'm… fine," I look over his shoulder warily. "Is… is All Might coming?"
He blinks in surprise.
"Uh, no, I think he ah…"
I sigh in relief.
"Oh, okay."
Sensei raises an eyebrow and Toshinori-san gives me a surprised glance.
"You… don't like All Might?" Toshinori asks, his voice oddly strained.
"Not really," I answer quietly with a lopsided smile. The gaunt man frowns and comes to sit by me, ignoring Sensei who he no doubt came to visit.
"Why's that? He's the number one hero!"
"Yeah," I grimace as I remember his face, his body rising up out of the chaos. Ryu and Sora's screams. The sirens. The lights flickering, the taste of death and shadows in my mouth. I pull at my fingers, surprised to find them shaking. "He's too much, and scary."
Sensei puts down his pencil and ends the conversation there.
"Toshinori, did you need something?"
"I, ah, well, it's ah, time for the ah…"
As if the previous conversation never happened, I look on in awe as my guardian manages to make the thin man splutter.
"The baby shower," Sensei says dryly. Toshinori scratches his head and I feel my face burn in sudden embarrassment. Shinsou's stupid words ring in my ears. For… Hoki, you're his new baby… You could call him Dadzawa…
"Well, yes," he glances at me and then Sensei. "I didn't, ah, think you wanted us to say anything in front of the… ah… students."
"I don't," Sensei says with a straight face, and I can't help the small giggle. He looks at me with the beginnings of a smirk. "Hoki, put away your homework. We'll finish the rest at home."
Toshinori splutters and I smile apologetically, my face burning as I do as I'm told.