The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any Archer characters is in a meeting. Just more madness from my tiny mind.
Budget Breakers
"Mallory," Cyril walked into Mallory's office with several papers. "I'm here for the monthly budget meeting."
"Ugh," Mallory groaned as she sat behind her desk. "I'd rather have my teeth cleaned."
"I've crunched all the numbers and analyzed…" Cyril began.
"Spare me the nerd talk Poindexter," Mallory said. "How much profit did we make this month?"
"It's not just about profit…" Cyril began nervously as he put the papers down on her desk.
"I know what that means. All right Figgis," Mallory sighed as she took a drink. "Lay it on me. What's the bad news?"
"Well…" Cyril paused. "You know that twenty million dollars you got from Cheryl's company? After covering up that whole toxic youth serum thing?"
"Yes?" Mallory nodded.
"After deducting various costs…" Cyril put up some charts. "And other expenses…We have exactly thirty-one dollars and fifteen cents in profit."
"WHAT?" Mallory shouted. "How the hell is that possible?"
"Well for starters the costs of Archer's apartment and car," Cyril began. "As well as car repairs. And fines from the Co-Opt Board…"
"Still mad about the lemur incident, aren't they?" Mallory groaned.
"And a few others," Cyril remarked. "Apparently Archer's been threatening doormen again."
"Ugh," Mallory groaned. "Fine I'll talk to Sterling about that. Damn that new aggressive employee union."
"Also talk to him about charging personal items to the company," Cyril told her. "He's taken an additional ten grand for clothes…"
"How many black turtlenecks does that man need?" Mallory wondered.
"The fifty grand he recently spent on a trip to Cancun with Pam and Krieger…" Cyril went on. "When he was supposed to be tracking down a hacker. Who was recruited by the CIA."
"Grrr…" Mallory growled.
"To be fair she was only twelve years old," Cyril pointed out.
"It would have been nice to have someone mature on the staff," Mallory snapped. "What else?"
"Well…" Cyril paused.
FLASHBACK!
"That was amazing," A beautiful high-class escort purred as she lay in bed with Cyril. "I almost feel bad about charging you five grand."
"Don't," Cyril waved. "I put it on the company card. Technically, someone else's company card. Heh. Heh."
FLASHFORWARD!
"He charged five thousand dollars for an escort," Cyril went on.
"HE DID WHAT?" Mallory snarled. "Okay! Fine! I see where this is going! I'll have another talk with Sterling. Using a golf cart battery. Are there any non-Sterling expenses I should know about?"
"Yes," Cyril looked at another piece of paper. "It costs over a hundred thousand dollars to replace our fire extinguishers…"
"Well that's not so…" Mallory began.
"Every month," Cyril finished.
"Why do we need to replace our fire extinguishers every month?" Mallory asked. "And as soon as I asked the question…"
FLASHBACK!
"He! He! He!" Cheryl giggled as she set another fire in the wastebasket.
Ray ran over and extinguished it. "No fair!" Cheryl pouted. "Fine! I'll just make another one!"
FLASHBACK!
Krieger was looking at his ruined lab while holding a fire extinguisher. There was foam everywhere. "Okay…So maybe in hindsight trying to genetically create a fire breathing dragon wasn't such a good idea?"
FLASHBACK!
Cheryl grinned as she set another wastebasket on fire.
Cyril saw this and grabbed a fire extinguisher. "Suppressing fiiiiirreeee!" He shouted as he put the fire out.
"You don't have to do that literally!" Cheryl snapped.
FLASHBACK!
"For the love of God Sterling!" Mallory yelled at her son in the breakroom. "How many times do I have to tell you to take the aluminum foil off your stupid breakfast burritos before you put it in the microwave!"
"I'M HANDLING IT MOTHER!" Archer shouted as he used a fire extinguisher to put out the flames.
FLASHBACK!
"He he he…" Cheryl had set a plant on fire.
Lana sighed as she walked by with the fire extinguisher. She put out the fire. Then used it to douse Cheryl with foam.
"That's not as much fun as I thought it would be," Cheryl remarked.
"That's why I did it," Lana glared at her.
FLASHBACK!
"Three…Two…One…" Pam whooped as she used a fire extinguisher to make her chair move backwards. "BLASTOFF! WHOO HOO!"
FLASHBACK!
Cheryl created another wastebasket fire. This time Pam put it out.
FLASHBACK!
"Again Sterling?" Mallory shouted. This time she was putting out the fire in the microwave. "What did I say about aluminum foil in the microwave?"
"I thought it would make the burrito hotter!" Archer protested.
"Well you were right," Ray remarked as he watched from the hallway.
"SHUT UP!" Archer shouted.
FLASHBACK!
Cheryl set another fire in another room. Ray put it out quickly.
Cheryl snapped. "This is starting to become annoying!"
"My words exactly!" Ray shot back.
FLASHBACK!
This time Krieger and Cyril were using the fire extinguisher to put out the sparks in a large computer processing room. "Damn it!" Cyril shouted. "Which one of you assholes downloaded another computer virus with your porn?"
"Wasn't me," Krieger muttered. "I make my own porn!"
"What kind?" Cyril asked.
FLASHBACK!
"WHOO HOO!" Both Archer and Pam were using the fire extinguishers to zip around backwards in their chairs.
FLASHBACK!
"STERLING!" Mallory screamed as Ray put out another microwave fire.
"It wasn't me this time!" Archer protested.
"It wasn't!" Cheryl giggled as she jumped up and down with glee. "EEE!"
"We need to talk about extra hazard pay in this office!" Ray snapped as he finished putting out the fire.
"And you need to…Damn it," Mallory sighed. "I'm too rattled to think up a good homophobic comeback."
"I'm sure it will come to you later," Ray rolled his eyes. "And you can save it for next time."
"And you can…" Mallory realized something. "Oh God there is going to be a next time!"
FLASHBACK!
Once again Krieger was in a ruined, foam covered lab. "I was so sure laser scorpions would work," He sighed as he threw out an empty fire extinguisher. "Back to the ol' drawing board."
FLASHBACK!
"HA! HA!" Cheryl threw the last of the fire extinguishers into a dumpster. The she threw a match into the dumpster. "I don't know why I didn't think of this before!" She giggled as she stepped further back to admire her handiwork.
BOOOOOOOM!
Cheryl was on the ground covered in foam. "Oh right…" Cheryl remarked. "It makes a big explosion but the fire dies out immediately."
FLASHFORWARD!
"What else?" Mallory groaned.
"We needed a new copy machine," Cyril explained. "After the last one caught on fire."
"How did…?" Mallory stopped. "Cheryl?"
"Yes, but not the way you think," Cyril told her. "See she tends to glue up on the copy machine and some of the glue got into the mechanics which overheated…"
"Fine!" Mallory snapped. "I'll just charge that nymphomaniac nitwit extra money to cover the expense."
"As you can see," Cyril handed Mallory some papers. "This is our monthly water bill. Our electric bill. Our insurance premiums. Which have gone up due to the fires. The payment for yet another new microwave. The bill for our new dumpster. Of course, there's also payroll…"
"I should be charging you idiots for what you do to me!" Mallory grumbled.
Cyril went on. "Our property taxes and other outstanding taxes…Which was rather high."
"Damn those rats at the CIA," Mallory hissed. "Damn them for blabbing to the IRS!"
"A few thousand dollars in parking fines…" Cyril showed her.
"Parking fines?" Mallory asked. "What parking…? Oh wait."
FLASHBACK!
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T PARK HERE?" Mallory snapped at a police officer. There was a jackboot on her very expensive car. "Don't you know who I am?"
"I do need a name for the ticket," The officer remarked.
FLASHBACK!
"Oh, come on!" Mallory shouted as her car was towed from the front of a very excusive building. "I was only in there for ten minutes! What do you people do? Stalk this corner?"
FLASHBACK!
"I know it says VIP parking only!" Mallory snapped at a parking attendant writing her a ticket. "I am a VIP!"
"Not according to my list," The parking attendant remarked.
"My agency saved the world from flooding and a nuclear holocaust!" Mallory snapped.
"And I have a cousin who saved the world from aliens from Mars," The parking attendant said dryly as he handed her the ticket.
"The one downside of owning a secret spy agency," Mallory sighed as she took the ticket.
FLASHFORWARD!
"Sterling…" Mallory covered quickly. "Always Sterling. Continue."
"Here's the final payment for repairs to the building," Cyril showed her. "After the last assassin attack. As well as the payments for new office furniture."
"It really is inconsiderate of them to attack our building during office hours," Mallory grumbled.
"A bill for the plumbers," Cyril showed her.
"Damn Pam's bowel movements," Mallory groaned.
"And as you can see this is how much we spent on office supplies for the month," Cyril showed her. "With the columns showing exactly what costs were for each item."
"My god!" Mallory gasped. "This is how much stamps cost now?"
"Why do you think I keep stealing them from our enemies every chance I get?" Cyril asked. "Stamps are expensive."
"They are!" Mallory gasped.
"Fortunately during our last mission, I was able to score two sheets of forever stamps and some air mail ones," Cyril admitted. "As well as some decent pens."
"I'll give you this Cyril," Mallory admitted. "Your little office supply theft habit is quite thrifty."
"It's probably why we still have thirty-one dollars and fifteen cents," Cyril told her. "Here's a bill I couldn't figure out. Why was the Agency charged seventeen thousand dollars for a meal at Eleven Madison Park?"
"I was trying to wine and dine a new client," Mallory told him. "It was a business expense!"
"Did it work?" Cyril asked.
"Well…" Mallory paused.
FLASHBACK!
"God damn it," Mallory grumbled as she sat at a table full of food. "Stood up again. I knew Harold's wife was listening on the other line. Well this caviar won't eat itself."
FLASHFORWARD!
"He's thinking it over," Mallory coughed.
"Then there's this monthly fifty-grand expense for all the expensive scotch bought for this office," Cyril began.
"It's a legitimate business expense!" Mallory protested.
"As your other fifty grand you took out for new furs?" Cyril asked. "In the summer?"
"I was stocking up for fall," Mallory admitted. "Oh, all right. I'll take back the new sable. I'm not that thrilled about it anyway. It looked better on me in the store."
"Then there's the final bill for the Tunt Syndrome fiasco," Cyril showed her.
"We were still paying for that?" Mallory asked. "Hang on. Let me see these bills. All those expenses only account for sixteen million. What happened to the other four?"
"You tell me," Cyril showed her another bill. "What the hell is Verdant Acres and why did you spend over a million dollars on it?"
"It's an investment," Mallory told him. "I bought a controlling stake in bunch of condos in Vermont."
"Really?" Cyril asked. "How far along are they on the project?"
"I'm sure it will be any day now that they will finish building and open up," Mallory told him.
FLASH TO VERDANT ACRES!
It was nothing more than a very large field full of cows. Two Vermont farmers were looking at it. "Harry how did you manage to sell that field for over a million dollars?" One farmer said to the other.
"Simple Frank," Harry said to the other. "I just said we were going to build condos. One crazy lady practically just gave me the money."
"But you can't put condos on that field," Frank said. "It's not zoned for commercial use. Plus, the ground underneath is too unstable for buildings."
"Not my problem anymore," Harry showed Frank his suitcase. "I'm moving to Costa Rica."
"Have fun," Frank said. "Hey can I still graze my cows on that field for free?"
"Until the new owner comes along sure," Harry shrugged. "I figure you got at least a year before that city slicker figures it out."
BACK TO THE OFFICE…
"Oh sure, it will probably take a year before we see any profit…" Mallory admitted. "But I'm sure it's a sound investment."
"In other words, we're not going to see a profit on that anytime soon," Cyril sighed. "All right. Now we're down to three million. Here's another expense I found. What the hell is Emoji Mania and why would anyone spend over five grand on it?"
"What?" Mallory looked at the report. "Hang on…Is that that stupid smart phone game where you play to earn weird looking pictures you send on your smart phone?"
"Now that you mention it…" Cyril paused. "How do you…? Wait…"
FLASHBACK!
"I got a mermaid smiley face!" Pam whooped as she played with her phone.
"I got a smiley face that's screaming because it's on fire!" Cheryl grinned. "Whoo hoo!"
"Shouldn't you two be working?" Mallory glared at the two. Cyril was with her.
"We are," Cheryl told her. "These emojis don't just win themselves you know?"
"At least she's not setting fires," Cyril told Mallory.
"That's the bar around here?" Mallory snapped. "Oh, dear God it is…"
FLASHFORWARD!
"Pam and Cheryl," Cyril and Mallory groaned at the same time.
"I'm going to shove those damn phones down their throats!" Mallory growled as she picked up a paper. "Hang on. Here's an expense I don't remember. What the hell is Dial A Corpse and how come we paid five thousand dollars for it?"
Both Cyril and Mallory realized it at the same time. "Krieger…"
"I don't want to know what that is," Cyril shuddered.
"Neither do I," Mallory dropped the paper. "I'll just pretend it's a video game thing."
"Good idea," Cyril winced.
Mallory looked at the list. "Hang on. What's this expense? Serendipity Plus Ice Cream Palace? Two thousand dollars? How the hell can ice cream be worth two thousand dollars?"
"Oh, I know what that is," Cyril remarked. "Archer was bragging about it the other day. Apparently, they have this new ice cream that's bioluminescent."
Mallory blinked. "You mean it glows in the dark?"
"Yes," Cyril nodded. "And they have a room where you can eat it. In the dark. And see it glow."
"This is a thing?" Mallory was stunned.
"Apparently," Cyril shrugged.
"Did Krieger…?" Mallory began.
"Krieger didn't invent it," Cyril told her.
Mallory looked at the papers. "There's another bill for more money? Why…?" She glared at Cyril.
"Uh…" Cyril paused.
FLASHBACK!
"This is really cool," Cyril said as he ate his glowing ice cream in the dark.
He was with Lana, Cheryl, Ray and Pam. They were all eating ice cream in the dark.
"Delicious," Lana nodded. "For once Archer's boasting is about something good."
"Nobody tell Krieger about this place," Ray realized something. "Ever."
"Right," Pam nodded. "It might give him ideas."
"Here's an idea," Lana realized something. "What's going to happen when Mallory sees the bill for our ice cream?"
"Well Archer already charged the company once for ice cream…" Cyril shrugged. "So…"
FLASHFORWARD!
"Archer probably took some hookers there," Cyril covered quickly.
"Would not surprise me," Mallory grumbled as she looked at more papers. "What the hell is this bill for?"
"It's a bill for damages from JUNO," Cyril coughed. "Remember when Archer broke into their New York Headquarters and trashed it."
"Fat chance of us paying that!" Mallory snapped. "Wait this bill says paid…Cyril!"
"You told me to pay it!" Cyril protested.
"WHAT?" Mallory shouted. "When?"
"Two weeks ago!" Cyril snapped. "You handed me a bunch of bills and told me to pay them and not ask questions upon pain of death! Like this one for a meal at Le Cirque!"
"That was a business expense," Mallory waved. "I was trying to wine and dine another client."
"Did that one work?" Cyril asked.
"Um…" Mallory paused.
FLASHBACK!
"Damn it," Mallory sighed as she sat at a very fancy bar. "Stood up again! Bartender! Another Tom Collis and don't skimp on the Tom!"
FLASHFORWARD!
"They're thinking it over," Mallory glossed over.
"There was also this bill for your hairdresser," Cyril pointed out. "Your manicure and pedicure. Another pearl necklace…"
"All right! I get the picture!" Mallory snapped. "That bill must have gotten mixed up with the others. Damn it Cyril! How dare you use my own orders against me? Damn it!"
"And this another medical bill from Archer…" Cyril showed her. "There was an incident last night…"
FLASHBACK!
"Oh yeah!" Archer whooped as he prepared to fly off the roof of the agency with a jetpack. He was wearing a helmet and a blue jumpsuit. "I'm gonna be just like Iron Man! WHOO HOO!"
He turned on the jetpack and he hovered into the air. "WHOO HOO!" He floated off the building. "This is easy! I didn't need to read the directions at all!"
Then the jetpack ran out of fuel. "Uh oh…" Archer realized what had happened right before he fell down.
CRASH! SMASH! CRASH!
"Okay…" Archer coughed as he lay in a dumpster. "Probably should have checked if there was fuel in the tank. Ow…Owww…"
FLASHFORWARD!
"The good news his legs weren't broken," Cyril told her. "The bad news is we may need a new dumpster."
"Ugh…" Mallory groaned. "Where does he keep getting those jetpacks?"
Cyril shrugged. "Oh, here's the bill for the jetpack."
"AGGGGH!" Mallory let out a roar of frustration.
"You can see where the rest of the money went right?" Cyril asked. "Honestly we're lucky to make a profit at all considering…"
That's when the fire alarm went off. "BURN YOU STUPID LADYBUG!" Cheryl cackled. "BURN IN THE MICROWAVE OF DOOM! HA! HA! HA!"
"There goes the thirty-one dollars and fifteen cents," Cyril moaned. "And the warranty on the microwave."
"Okay fine," Mallory sighed as she stood up and looked out the window. "Cyril. Get the others. I have an important mission for you."
"What mission?" Cyril asked.
Later that night…
"We're stealing office supplies?" Archer was shocked.
The majority of the Figgis Agency was in a large fancy office environment. "We broke into the Winchester Insurance Agency across the block to steal office supplies?" Archer snapped.
"Oh, stop whining Sterling," Mallory sniffed. She was wearing a black catsuit like outfit and drinking out of a bottle. "If anyone should be complaining it's me. This scotch I found is dreadfully subpar. Ugh. Insurance people have no taste."
"Well they do work in insurance," Archer told her. "That should have been a clue."
"Good point," Mallory nodded.
"It is a nice office," Cheryl remarked. "Much better than that dump we work in."
"Maybe if someone didn't keep setting fires all the time?" Mallory glared at her.
"Well we emptied that water cooler and put it in the van," Pam said as she and Ray entered the room.
"Yeah it looks like it will hold a lot of vodka," Ray nodded.
"Good," Mallory nodded. "Now get some paper and other supplies. You too, Sterling."
"Mother this is demeaning and degrading!" Archer snapped.
"Welcome to my world," Cyril quipped as he walked by. "Good news. I scored at least a hundred dollars in stamps."
"See Sterling?" Mallory pointed out. "Cyril isn't complaining! Check the executive offices."
"Right away," Cyril nodded. "Maybe I can score some pens?" He went off.
"And you are all just fine with this?" Archer shouted to his friends. "I get why Cyril is for this. Raiding office supplies is like a wet dream for an accountant but you guys…?"
"Hey breaking and entering and stealing office supplies is still breaking and entering and stealing," Cheryl shrugged as she took some office supplies and put them in box. "I'm down."
"Got a new laptop for my lab," Krieger grinned as he walked by with one. "Score!"
"It's a night out," Pam shrugged.
"I didn't have anything better to do," Ray admitted.
"Plus, there's some primo shit around here," Pam told Archer. "Man, wherever they get their pens, it sure as hell isn't the dollar store."
"Speaking of which," Mallory realized. "We also should take the toilet paper too."
"As soon as I finish cleaning out these desks," Pam nodded.
"Sterling help her," Mallory ordered.
"I'm the World's Greatest Spy!" Archer barked. "I'm above stealing office supplies!"
"No, you're not," Mallory told him. "On both counts."
"Burn," Ray snickered as he walked by with a carton full of paper.
"Yeah Archer," Pam said as she threw pens and other small items in a trashcan she was carrying. "Your mother is doing this. Why can't you?"
"Technically I'm supervising," Mallory told them. "What's with the trashcan?"
"I'm taking it for my office," Pam told her. "My old one is kind of burned."
Cheryl giggled manically. "Good point," Mallory sighed. "All right everyone, grab some extra trashcans too. We need to stock up."
"Why is Lana not doing this?" Archer grumbled.
"Because A," Mallory told him. "She's there to cover for us in case someone calls. Providing us with an alibi. And secondly…She's the only one of you lot that's ticked me off the least this week!"
"She's your favorite, isn't she?" Archer was stunned.
"I have to admit," Mallory sighed. "She's like the child I never had."
"Oh, har, har, hardy har, har…" Archer rolled his eyes.
"Don't mock me, you insufferable little ingrate!" Mallory snapped. "Your antics are half the reason I've resorted to this! What with your lemurs, your turtlenecks, your ice cream that glows in the dark, your parking tickets, your hookers and god knows what else you've bought with my money!"
"I have parking tickets?" Archer blinked. "I don't remember that one."
"What's this about glow in the dark ice cream?" Krieger asked.
"Nothing," Pam said quickly. "Not important."
"Just start stealing toilet paper," Mallory pointed to Archer.
"I am Sterling God Damn Archer!" Archer snapped. "The world's most dangerous spy! And the world's most dangerous spy doesn't steal toilet paper!"
Mallory glared at him. "Oh, but you have no problem stealing my money for your whores, do you? Or any other stupid expense that comes into your empty head?"
"I don't think I spent that much on whores," Archer blinked. "To be fair I've had a few blackouts so it's possible…"
Mallory slapped him on the head. "All I've done is made sacrifices for you! I even gave up four years of my life in that god forsaken California to be by your side!"
"I was only in the coma three years!" Archer snapped.
"I know!" Mallory shouted. "I'm counting the year we moved and had to set up that disaster of a detective agency!"
"Boy she really hates California," Pam remarked.
"I'm pretty sure California feels the same way," Ray said dryly.
"At least her neighbors did," Cheryl added.
"So if I ask you to do one little thing like steal some office supplies or toilet paper," Mallory growled menacingly. "You'd better God damn do it! And ask if there's anything else you need to steal?"
"These office chairs are nice," Pam spoke up. "Want us to steal them?"
"Eh they don't go with the décor," Mallory waved. "But thank you Pam! See? How hard is that? Even Pam knows how to do that! Why can't you?"
"Hey Mallory," Cyril walked in excitedly. "I saw a really nice chair that would go with your desk. Do you want it?"
"Great timing Cyril," Archer grumbled. "It's not like I'm the only one who steals shit around here!"
"I learned from watching you!" Cheryl pointed.
"That's true," Mallory admitted. "You've all been leeching from me for years. But at least the other thieves here are all too happy to steal for me without complaint! You are the only one who thinks he's too good for that! Unless of course you're stealing for your own interests!"
"So selfish," Ray drawled.
"Yeah Archer," Pam chimed in. "Be a team player."
Mallory turned to Cyril. "Cyril I will look at that chair. I could use a new one!"
"There's a safe in the office too," Cyril added.
"Ray…" Mallory began.
"On it," Ray nodded as he followed.
"Sterling!" Mallory glared at him. "Get the toilet paper!"
"Ugh…" Archer groaned.
"Wow," Cheryl giggled. "Talk about your career going in the toilet eh?"
"Shut up!" Archer snapped. "And Mother aren't you forgetting something? How are we going to cover up this breaking and entering?"
"How do you think?" Pam looked at Archer.
"Oh no…" Archer winced as Cheryl giggled with glee.
A few hours later…
"Why do almost all of our raids end in fire?" Archer groaned as he and the others stood in his mother's office watching the building burn down.
"Honestly not enough of them do," Cheryl sighed with happiness. "I love my nights out with you guys!"
"Mallory," Lana sighed. "Don't you think you were a little extreme in this case?"
"What?" Mallory asked as she sat in her new office chair. "That building was blocking my view of Central Park. Besides, it's an insurance company. I'm pretty sure they're covered."
"Wouldn't it be ironic if they weren't?" Pam remarked.
"And this new chair is heavenly," Mallory purred. "What's our take for the night?"
"In addition to your chair we got fifteen new trashcans," Cyril told her. "A new water cooler…"
"For the vodka," Pam added.
"Twelve crates of printing paper," Cyril went on. "Over fifteen packs of pens and pencils. Over seven thousand dollars' worth of stamps…"
"Wow how expensive are stamps?" Archer asked.
Cyril went on. "Fifteen boxes of paper clips, ten new staplers and seventeen boxes of staples, five balls of rubber bands, twelve boxes of sticky note paper, twenty boxes of envelopes, five new laptops, several gallons of ink for the printers, a new copy machine…"
"That's a major expense right there," Krieger nodded.
"A new microwave. Three new lamps," Cyril added. "Some boxes of lightbulbs, a new mop, twelve rolls of paper towels, and over a million dollars in cash from the safe."
"Plus, I found over seventy-five dollars and fifty-seven cents in loose change," Pam added. "And a big ass box of Jumbo Pop Popcorn!"
"Don't forget the fifty rolls of toilet paper!" Archer snapped. "And you're lucky it was the good stuff! Five ply!"
"Ooh! Fancy!" Pam grinned.
"So I hope to God we never have to do this again!" Archer told his mother.
"Let's just say the way things are going," Mallory sighed. "This might end up being a monthly thing."
"The way things are going," Ray remarked. "Our building may be the only one left standing in New York."
"That would make it easier for the cops to figure it out," Pam quipped.
"Anybody who says being an accountant is dull obviously never worked here," Cyril sighed.