We return to Aizawa-sensei's home without any detours. As soon as we enter, he's already peeling away his jacket and undoing the tie.
"Go change," he grunts when he notices me standing by the door staring. I nod and go immediately to my room, shutting the door as I shuck off the black dress. I change instead into some shorts I don't remember owning and shirt I know I've never seen before. I braid my hair back and grab my rabbit. It's so soft in my arms, I hug it close to my chest, sniffling when the tears rise again.
You destroyed his life, just like you do to everyone. Just like you did to ours!
I don't want to cry over Niko.
I don't want to cry anymore.
I promise you, Rin-chan, I'll be a better person.
I don't wanna lose you too. So promise me. Promise me Hellspawn, promise me you'll get strong. Promise me you won't let him take you too.
"I'm going to be stronger," I whisper to the rabbit. "I won't hurt anyone else."
A knock sounds and I spin.
"S-Sensei?"
The man that opens the door finally looks like the one I spent a week with. Dark, loose pants and a black shirt, hair flopping in lazy curls against his face. I feel the strange urge to hug him. I don't. I squeeze the rabbit tighter, wishing Yamada-sensei were here.
Sensei studies me with lazy, dark eyes.
"Meet me on the couch," he says after a moment. Then he turns and leaves. I blink, confusion and curiosity swelling. Replacing the rabbit on my bed, I do as I'm told, going to the couch. He's waiting there already, Miska meowing and pawing at him. I sit on the other end and he leans forward, depositing the kitten on my lap.
Oh.
A talk.
I cringe and his lips twitch into a smirk. My fingers move automatically, already working through the kitten's fur to find all of her favorite spots. She likes it behind her head and at the base of her tail. The kitten stretches out, paws on my chest. She starts kneading.
"That girl was wrong to blame you," he says, and with just those few words my throat aches all over again. "You're not responsible for the actions of others."
"He said I destroyed his life," I croak.
"He also mutilated and killed children," Sensei says, meeting my eye. "Do those sound like the actions of someone that's sane?"
I shake my head, unable to speak.
"Your quick thinking and decisive actions were what prevented everyone in that house from dying. The only reason so many lived was because Shinsou arrived when he did, and he only managed that because you gave him directions."
I stare and he moves on.
"They finished running the samples on those candles, they're made from plants, a more potent form of Oleander. They were unable to trace the toxin in your blood, but they believe it may have been plant-based as well. The police believe this Asp has either a poison or plant-based quirk."
My chest tightens, my breath catching in my throat, and Sensei sighs, stands, and moves closer on the couch. I can feel the soft fabric of his pants brush against my feet. He's so close I could reach out and touch him.
"Deep breaths," he reminds me. I suck one in and breathe back out. I'm just so tired. That same exhaustion from before creeps back in. "You've been moved so many times that narrowing all the subjects down is improbable. However, your first placement fits several of our criteria."
"Mr. Takamura?" I whisper. He raises an eyebrow as if surprised I remember him.
"Yes. After you left, his wife divorced him and his daughter was removed from his custody. Was he ever mean or cruel to you?" Sensei asks. I shake my head.
"No. His wife made me wear dresses and go to parties," I tell him quietly. "I… I didn't stay long."
"What happened?" he asks.
"I… My quirk…"
"You lost control?" he offers when I lose the words. I nod. "What caused it?"
We were sitting in homeroom. My pencil in hand, the tape of All Might on the board. I couldn't stop staring. It was like watching a crash in rewind. Like slipping on ice, your tongue already between your teeth. He rose over the car, over the flames, over the board, like a god rising from the waves. Up and up and up. And I was drowning-
"Hoki," Sensei warns. "Use your words."
My mouth feels so dry I'm not sure how. Miska headbutts my chin, annoyed that I've stopped petting her.
I just want this day to end.
"I- I watched a video."
"Of?"
"A-A-All Might."
He scowls, eyebrows furrowing.
"All Might?"
Miska bumps her head against my chin again, deciding to scratch behind her own ears. Her purr rumbles through her whole body, and my hands shake as I pet her. I'm so tired of crying. I won't. I try to still my breath. Miska nuzzles my face and I manage a strangled giggle when her whiskers tickle.
Sensei says nothing for a moment and Miska does it again. When I can finally breathe without the threat of tears, I look back over. He's frowning, eyebrows drawn and lips turned down in his typical expression.
"Nothing you've just said makes any logical sense," Sensei says at last. I flinch, but he goes on. "All Might is a Prohero, a very visible one. You've been in his class for an entire semester. Why… No… I'm missing something."
I cringe, sinking backward. He makes a little noise as if remembering something.
"He scares you."
I nod and don't look up.
"Why?"
I don't have an answer. I shrug. He breathes deeply and sighs, running a hand through his hair.
"I can't help you if you won't let me," he says after a moment. He tilts his head back and stares at the ceiling, his arms crossed against his chest.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. He doesn't look at me, jaw tightening.
"All Might would never hurt you."
I don't believe him.
He's huge, his muscles the size of my head, his hands wider and stronger than anyone else's I've ever seen. If he were to hit… If he were the one that caught Daddy…
He breaks his jaw. Daddy cries as they take him to jail, mouth hinged open and eyes glancing towards us. Kaito holds Ryu and Sora. They cry. They scream. We go unheard over the sirens.
"You don't believe me."
I don't answer. I don't know what to say. He still doesn't look. His voice lowers.
"Do you think I would hurt you?"
I swallow. And, slowly, after a long, silent wait, I find my voice.
"No."
The tension I hadn't even noticed in his shoulders gives way. His chest rises, slowly, and falls.
"Do you think Hizashi would hurt you?"
"No."
But he wouldn't keep me either.
I try to ignore that little voice. Miska, bored of this entire affair, jumps from my lap to the floor and scampers towards the cat tower. Sensei stands then too.
"I'll fix lunch. I'm training Shinsou this afternoon."
I fold my knees to my chest.
Promise me Hellspawn, promise me you'll get strong.
"C-Can I come?"
He gives me one of his classroom stares, the kind he usually reserves for Kaminari or Pink when they ask a particularly stupid question.
"Where else would you be?" he asks.
"I… I don't know?"
"Hoki, don't be ridiculous. You just went to a funeral for the only family you've known for the past three years. You've been verbally assaulted by a person who has clearly spent the majority of those years tormenting and bullying you. You're still dealing with the trauma of being kidnapped, and who knows what else if you think All Might would hurt you. I'm not leaving you alone for god knows how many hours to be in your head."
He moves through the kitchen and starts pulling out ingredients and I realize we're having bland vegetables and rice for lunch.
He pauses when he hears me sigh, giving me another look.
"Do you need chicken broth?"
"No," I answer instantly. His lip twitches. He returns to cutting vegetables. The steady rhythm fills the air. I stand, slowly, and follow him to the kitchen. He works methodically, his knife moving quickly through the vegetables and slicing them in chunks. I stand across from him on the other side of the counter and watch. His eye twitches after a few moments.
"Do you need something?"
I can't help you if you won't let me.
You're still dealing with the trauma of being kidnapped, and who knows what else if you think All Might would hurt you.
It's hard to put two and two together when someone won't talk about their feelings.
"I don't like heroes." I tell him quietly, not looking at him, but instead the knife and peppers he's currently cutting. The knife stills. He doesn't move and I take a deep breath. "They… He broke my father's jaw. I watched. My… my brothers and I watched. Daddy… he took her purse, 'cause she kept hitting the homeless man. It cracked. His jaw, you could hear it even with the sirens. He… he cried when they took him away."
"How old were you?"
"Nine."
He puts down the knife.
"You're in a course to be a hero, Hoki."
"I know."
"Why?"
I don't have the words to explain it. So I shrug, turn, and return to the kitten.
Because I don't want to be a villain.
In the bag. You have one minute, or she'll kill you.
How dare you! How dare you show yourself here!
Promise me Hellspawn, promise me you'll get strong.
.
.
.
Despite taking a nap after a very quiet lunch, I still feel exhausted and worn by the time we leave. I walk silently, head down, and try not to yawn. The warehouse is empty when we arrive. It looks like it always does, aluminum walls and a row of open shelves, with the giant mat stuck to the wall. I look at Sensei, that strange numbness from before creeping once again through my chest.
"What do you intend to do?" he asks looking my way.
How do you intend to train?
I consider it, my promise to Kagura from earlier still twisting in my chest. Become stronger. I was helpless when he dragged me through that alley. I don't ever want to be that helpless again.
I won't be.
"Bodyweight exercises."
He raises an eyebrow.
"You want to train?" he asks, and I frown.
"Am I not supposed to?"
"You haven't shown any interest all week." My mouth opens. Oh. I hadn't realized I could. He scowls, clearly reading my thoughts. "Hoki, I told you, you have to ask for what you want."
"Do I have to ask now?"
"Do you want to join us?"
His eye twitches and I look quickly at my feet, tugging at my shorts.
"No thank you," I answer. He had said this was his time with Shinsou. I don't want to intrude. "I can do it alone."
He looks even less impressed. He shrugs and collects a set of cones, putting them out. I put my bag to the side. He'd asked me to bring my books to study and I begin stretching. When I finish, I start a set of burpees. They're hard, and by the time Shinsou arrives, I'm drenched in sweat.
"Hey Sensei! Hoki."
"Hi," I say, stopping to get water. After chugging a few mouthfuls, I wipe my mouth and return to the floor in my corner and start my sit-ups. Shinsou blinks.
"Uh, why are you in the corner? Sensei, is she not joining us?"
"She's being antisocial," he says blandly. I pause and scowl in his direction. That's rich coming from him. He ignores me. I return to my exercise. "Start your warmups."
By the time I finish, my sides ache and burn, my arms feel like jelly, and I'd like nothing more than to just lay on the floor and pant.
Promise me you'll get stronger.
"I promise," I whisper to myself.
I peel myself off the floor through pure will alone. Body shaking, I sink into a stance. Then, finding the center of gravity, I punch. I stare at a place beyond the aluminum siding, the sounds of Shinsou's heavy panting lost as I focus on my own breath, on my own center. I imagine him in front of me. The black mask, the holes, the high-pitched nasal sound. Fire burns under my skin, igniting something deeper, pushing back my exhaustion. I punch harder, hands moving faster.
"Hoki, that's enough."
My hands stop, but the heat in my blood doesn't. I twist, that black mask still in my mind's eye. I glare. Aizawa-sensei stares me down.
"Why?" I snap.
"You're smoking," Shinsou says, lips quirked and eyebrow raised. His hands are on his knees, panting. He's amused. "You look like you're about to combust."
I feel like I could.
My hands break into flames and the purple-haired boy laughs.
"If you can't control your emotions you will stop."
I don't know what makes me do it. The sizzle under my skin, the exhaustion in my bones, or the fact that today feels like a week already.
"My quirk is my emotions," I retort. I let the flames grow, two black columns that rise as high as my head. I control it much as I would my shadows. They circle and twist around my forearms, forming fiery claws and flickering into a snapping jaw. I sneer. "All I do is control them."
Aizawa grinds his teeth. Shinsou stops laughing.
"Hoki-"
I clench my fist and smother the flames. Then, without looking at him, I settle back into my stance.
"Uh, is she okay?" Shinsou asks as if I can't hear him. I give him a dirty look and change from punching to kicking. "She's super crabby today."
"Yes," Sensei answers, and I can tell he's annoyed. "She'll work through it on her own. Climb the rope."
I work for twenty more minutes before I can't. My legs give out and I stumble. My stomach churns with nausea, my face aches. I lean against the wall and slowly slide down. Shinsou and Sensei are still going, still working hard, and I feel eyes water, my legs buckling, my breath catching in my throat.
I'm so weak.
Why am I always so weak?
They're dead because of you. They're dead and it's all your fault, you fucking villain!
I couldn't save anyone. I couldn't do anything but scream.
Promise me Hellspawn, promise me you'll get stronger.
I wrap my arms around my legs and cry.
After a few moments, I can hear the rustle of clothes and a body slides down beside me. I don't look up. A finger pokes my ear and I ignore it.
"You know when you cry it makes your face all red and splotchy? You end up looking like a tomato with black hair." I turn my head, one eye peeking up at the blurry purple-haired boy. I glare. He smirks and I bury my face back in my knees. "Hey, don't ignore me."
"What?" I rasp.
"Did something happen? Sensei's in a foul mood too…"
I look up again. He's nowhere to be seen.
"Where…"
"Said he needed some air. I think he's calling for backup," he raises an eyebrow. "So what? Did you burn down his apartment or something?"
I scowl and he snickers.
"No," I tell him darkly. Then my shoulders fall. "The funeral was today."
"Oh," Shinsou says. His smile disappears and his arm wraps around me. I lean into it thankfully. "That sucks. Is that why you're crying?"
Yes. No.
I shrug. He lets go.
"Was that a yes or no?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.
"I'm weak," I tell him, glaring at my feet. "I'm tired of being weak."
Shinsou scratches his neck and tips his head.
"Are you serious?"
There's an edge in his tone I've never heard. The anger spikes. I scowl. He scowls back.
"You've got one of the most powerful quirks in our year. You made third place in the sports festival and you didn't even try. I was there, remember? Or did you forget the stupid general studies kid? You just stopped fighting. The hell do you mean you're weak?"
I glare.
"Shut up!" I spit. The ache, the fire, the pain, it all rises up hot and fast. My skin burns and I clench my teeth. "You don't know anything. I'm not powerful. I couldn't stop him. I couldn't do anything! Not against Asp or Niko or the gray suits! So yeah, I am weak!"
"That wasn't-"
"Shinsou, he just grabbed me, and stabbed me, and it was over!"
I throw my head back into my arms and scream.
"He dragged me through the alleys, and I couldn't get free, and I couldn't stop him! I couldn't do anything-"
"I'm sorry!" Shinsou shouts.
My breath hitches and I stare. Tears spill over his eyes.
"Wha-"
"I should have noticed," he snarls, his own hands scrubbing away the evidence. His nose wrinkles. "You were right behind me and then you weren't! If I hadn't gone ahead- if I'd made you stop-"
He gags on the words.
"Shin-"
"I should have noticed."
I crawl forward, closing the little space between us, and wrap my hands around his neck. He makes a strangled noise and I tighten my grip around his neck. His purple hair sticks to my face, his shirt sweaty and damp. He smells like detergent and deodorant and dust, his body rocking with his own sobs.
"What the hell," mutters Sensei.
I sniffle and look up to find him in a doorway dragging a hand across his own face. He looks exhausted.
"I leave you two alone for not even five minutes… Hoki-no, Shinsou, what is going on?"
.
.
.
Yamada-Sensei arrives, hair down and dressed casually. He takes one look at Aizawa-sensei and lets out loud, low chuckle.
"Go," he says, making a shooing motion with his hands. "I got them."
Sensei says nothing, but he looks relieved. He steps out the door and into the afternoon air. He doesn't even hesitate.
"Alright you two," the blonde says instead, "I think that's enough training. Why don't we go get some ice cream?"
Red-faced, Shinsou looks like he'd like nothing more than to sink into the floor and do anything but. Having had ten minutes to let my emotions settle, I definitely feel the same. Embarrassed, frustrated, and concerned, I try to swallow down the knot in my throat.
When neither of us answer, Yamada-sensei scratches his head.
"Heh, let's try this again. Rin-chan, Shinsou-kun, stand up."
I get to my feet and beside me, Shinsou does the same. He doesn't look in my direction.
"Great! Now, come here."
I know what's coming. I give Sensei a sour look, cheeks flushing, and he raises an eyebrow. He envelops Shinsou in a one-armed hug and crooks his finger at me. I glower. He wiggles his eyebrows. I cave and join the other side, feeling ridiculous and childish as he squeezes both of his to his chest.
"So it wasn't really a question. We're going to get ice cream and then we're going to my house and then we're going to watch some Tom and Jerry. Got me?"
I grunt.
"Oi, listen up you two, I need words."
"Yes sir," I say, and I hear Shinsou repeat it from the other side. Sensei rolls his eyes.
"Good! Let's go!"
And then, because it's Yamada-sensei, he makes us walk like that down the sidewalk until I can't help but giggle and Shinsou's struggles to get free. Sensei teases him for a good five minutes until he lets him go.
"Ah, here we are!"
When he releases me, Shinsou's neck and ears are a vibrant red. He huffs and hurries forward. I take the spot behind him and Sensei laughs from the rear. The purple-haired boy crosses his arms and adopts a scowling face that reminds me of a particularly annoyed Aizawa-sensei.
"Can I help you?" the ice cream worker asks when we make it to the bar.
"Three, single-scoop ice creams cones," Sensei says excitedly. He does a little dance and winks at me when I look up at him. The woman behind the counter giggles.
"Sure, what flavor?" she asks looking at Shinsou.
"Cookie dough," he says. I look at the huge assortment and chew my lip.
"And you Miss?" the woman asks.
"Cookie dough," I repeat. Shinsou gives me a sour look. I wrinkle my nose at him.
"Why are you copying me?" he asks.
"I don't know any of these flavors," I argue back.
"I thought you didn't like my tastes."
"Is it a spicy ice cream?" I ask him, annoyed he's even making a big deal of this.
"No."
"Then I want to try yours."
"Why?"
"Because you're my friend!" I snap. "Why are you being weird?"
"You're the one being weird!" he glowers. He sticks his hands in his pockets, but his shoulders finally relax. I glower at him.
The lady scooping ice cream gives us nervous glances as she holds up two cookie dough ice creams in wafer cones. Sensei smiles back at her as we take them.
"And for you sir?"
He pretends to consider it.
"Cookie dough."
His grin is obnoxious. We both turn and glower at him. He pays the woman and we eat as we walk back to his house. It's good, really good. I take a bite and nearly scream when my eyes cross and my brain goes blank.
"Rin-chan!"
"You idiot! You don't bite ice cream!"
I scowl at Shinsou as soon as I can think.
"I didn't know!"
"How do you not know that? Have you never had ice cream?"
"Not like this!" I glower.
"What does that even mean?"
"They were little cups with wooden spoons!"
He scowls and I scowl back at him. Sensei laughs and takes the leads. By the time we arrive the ice cream is gone, and my hands are as sticky as my skin. He has Shinsou shower first since he came with a change of clothes and has me wait while he scrounges around for something that might fit. Eventually he finds an oversized shirt and a pair of draw-string shorts.
"I'm gonna have to keep you some extra clothes here," he admits with a laugh as he rubs his head. "Though, in my defense, I wasn't expecting you to spend the night so soon."
"Spend the night?" I ask, blinking up at him. He smirks.
"Shouta needs to get some hero work in tonight. You two can stay with me."
"Shinsou's spending the night?" I'm surprised at my own excitement, especially after the mess that today has been.
"He's certainly welcome to," he says, shrugging. "If not, we'll see him tomorrow since he's supposed to be training with Shouta on weekends."
I don't ask him anything else as Shinsou leaves the bathroom in a cloud of steam wearing a casual white T-shirt and gray jeans. He towels his hair and I smile when it sticks up all over his head. He glances my way and his ears pink when he notices me watching.
"What?"
"Nothing," I grumble. I grab Sensei's oversized clothes and take the bathroom, shutting the door.
I shower quickly, cleaning and rinsing my hair, before standing under the water and letting it soak into my muscles. I stand there for about five minutes, not thinking, before I realize what I'm doing. I turn off the water and towel dry.
Sensei's shirt is huge. It hangs down past my knees and the collar stretches over my shoulder, exposing the scars on my shoulder, neck, and part of my chest. I touch one, the crater dipping under my skin as I pass my hand over it. I put that powder in your shirt. I drag my eyes away and instead pull on the shorts. There's no real point to them, the shirt's so big it's like wearing a loose dress. But I tie the shorts on regardless. I'm thankful the mirror's fogged, I don't really want to see the girl that stares back.
I gather up my things and put them in a basket in my previous room. It's still the same as when I left, the blue quilt, the birds, and wooden desk no longer covered in notes.
I smile, heart aching.
Why didn't you want me?
When I go to the living room, I'm surprised to find Shinsou and Sensei locked in a deep conversation. The purple-haired boy sits perched on my end of the couch, slouched forward with his head down. Sensei reclines on his side, feet propped up on his table.
"… was never your fault, kid. No one blamed you for any of this."
"But I let her go-"
"You didn't let Rin do anything."
"I should have paid attention!"
"Kid, if you want to be a hero, then this is a lesson best learned now. None of us liked what happened. It was tragic and bloody and unnecessary. But that's what being a hero is. It's facing all of the unpleasantness of the world so that others, so that your loved ones, don't have to." He pauses and looks up. His serious face splits as he laughs.
I redden.
Shinsou looks over and I feel my face burn as he snorts.
"You look ridiculous," Sensei admits waving me over and patting the seat next to him. I scowl but go. "I think it might be worse than those workout-"
"Sensei!" I cut him off.
He laughs and pulls me into the couch next to him. I twist and put my back to his side, pulling my feet up and leaning back on him. He pulls down the blanket from the back of the couch.
"Share," Sensei says before clicking on the TV. I throw part of it to Shinsou, so it covers his lap. He looks at me oddly. I smile. His eyes lower and my smile slips as he sees the scars. There's a question on his face, but he doesn't ask.
Sensei says nothing, but I feel his thumb run over my arm. I twist and dip so the arm drapes over my front and hug it. I wish I'd brought my rabbit.
After several minutes of watching the little cartoon mouse run through the house from the cat, I find my courage.
"Do you want to know?" I ask.
"You don't have to tell me," Shinsou says. I blink in surprise. He doesn't look at me.
"We… We could play a game?" I offer hesitantly. He frowns and looks at me, at Sensei who doesn't even glance our way, and back.
"I… I don't know."
"I'll trade you," I say taking a deep breath. With Sensei there, it doesn't feel so hard. After facing Niko and Akira, after telling Aizawa about my father and my fear, this feels almost easy. "My- My roommates put powder in my shirt. It- It was a prank. I… I broke out in boils. They lasted three days. And… And when they popped, they left scars."
Shinsou looks horrified. The arm around my chest tightens.
"That is not okay," Yamada-sensei says his voice low.
"Why would someone do that?" Shinsou asks. His voice rises and cracks. "I was teased and called names, but that's- that's-"
"Why would someone call you names?" I ask him, eyebrows furrowing. He looks at me like I've grown a second head.
"What do… No. You can't tell someone that and-" he cuts himself off and glowers. "Tell me they went to jail? That's sick."
"Will you answer my question next?"
He stares. Sensei has stopped pretending to watch TV and frowns at the both of us.
"Fine," he grunts out.
"No, they moved my room. Why would-"
"What the fuck," Shinsou snarls.
Sensei looks caught between fussing at Shinsou for cussing and cursing himself.
"You promised," I snap at him.
"People used to say I couldn't be a hero, that I'd be a villain no matter what," he growls. "It was because I have a mind-control quirk. I'd walk in a room and they'd pretend I wasn't there. Said they were scared I'd brainwash them."
"Well, they're stupid," I tell him bluntly. He looks at me and gapes. "You'd never hurt someone. And you are a hero, so shows what they know."
His ears brighten and he turns back to the television.
"That's not okay either," Sensei tells the purple-haired boy.
"I… I know that," he grunts and crosses his arm. "I'm glad you're not going back."
I snuggle a little closer to Yamada-sensei, his cologne filling my nose. I think of the stuffed bunny in my room, the furniture just for me, Miska, and Aizawa-sensei's half-smile as he looked up in surprise.
Eat your food, Sensei.
"Me too."