Chapter 4

Nick asked Ava to move out to the ranch. He knew she wouldn't be able to work any longer at the Hotel and if she didn't work, she wouldn't be able to pay her rent. She was relieved at his offer yet felt guilty for imposing. Victoria assured her that she wasn't imposing and that they were glad to have her stay.

In the coming days, Nick spent a lot of his time at the house with Ava. Heath shouldered more responsibility of the ranch, but he didn't complain. He wanted Nick to spend as much time with Ava as he could.

On one Spring afternoon, Nick and Ava had gone on a picnic. She had had some bad days recently but was finally feeling well again and wanted to make the most of the time.

They had ridden out to a secluded spot near the lake, one not traveled often. They talked again of going to San Francisco. Nick told Ava that Jarrod had been in contact with a doctor that specialized in women's medicine. She sighed as he relayed the plans to go and stay with Jarrod while in San Francisco and meet with the doctor.

"Don't you want to go?" Nick asked as they sat underneath a tree, eating their lunch.

"I just don't see any reason to, Nick. There isn't anything the doctors can do."

Nick ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "I can't accept that."

"You need to. I have," she said watching him. She waited a moment and then asked gently, "And what if we see the doctor in San Francisco and he tells us the same thing as Dr. Merar? Will you want to see another doctor then? And maybe another after that? Nick, I don't want to spend the time I have left going to see doctor after doctor. I want to spend it with you."

Nick looked forlornly at Ava. He saw in her face acceptance of what was happening to her and it made him angry. He wasn't angry with her but with what life had dealt them. They should be planning a wedding now. He should be making plans for their honeymoon, not plans to go to San Francisco to see a doctor.

Ava watched Nick as a gamut of emotions danced across his face. She would go to San Francisco if he insisted, but she would rather stay there and enjoy her time with him. Nick turned away to look out over the lake. When he turned back, he took Ava's hand in his.

"We won't go if you don't want to, Ava. I just don't want us to give up. Not if there's a chance that the doctor is wrong," he said softly. Ava squeezed his hand.

"I know. But I think you know as well as I do that he isn't."

She leaned back against the tree and patted her lap, inviting Nick to lay down. She fingered his dark hair, curling it around her fingers. Her other hand rested on his firm chest. Nick took the hand on his chest and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. Ava smiled at him and bent to place a kiss on his lips. She lingered close to his face for a moment before kissing him again, this time making it last longer. Nick sat up and drew her into his arms. His lips moved from hers, down her neck and Ava's eyes closed, allowing her desire for Nick to take over. She knew she wanted this now with him. She began to unbutton her blouse, allowing it to open so that he could bring his mouth down further. He paused for a second, looking into her eyes to make sure this was what she wanted.

"Yes, Nick," she whispered, her hands moving to his shirt, removing it. She ran her hands over his broad chest. She lay down, feeling him move on top of her and wrapped her arms around him, moving her hands up and down his broad back, hugging him to herself tightly.

Nick gently removed Ava's clothes then stood for a moment to remove his pants before joining her again on the blanket. The sun hid behind the clouds that were forming and rain began to drizzle down, but neither one acknowledged it. They were lost in their own world. Once their passion was spent, they lay there, holding one another, allowing the light rain to wash the sweat away that covered their bodies. Nick moved from Ava but stayed close by her side.

"I love you, Ava. Marry me," Nick asked softly, pushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear.

Ava's eyes filled with tears. She took his hand in hers and looked into his handsome hazel eyes, seeing the love he had for her in their depths.

"Nick, I love you too. And it would bring me no greater joy than to be your wife. But I can't. Not now."

Nick opened his mouth to protest but Ava placed a delicate finger on his lips.

"Marriage is a wonderful thing. It's about promises. Promises of a life together, of children laughing, of making love in the rain or walking hand in hand during the warm Spring day. It's always being there for each other, listening and sharing dreams. Nick, we could never have those things. Not now. We both know it won't be long until I'm gone, and I can't bear the thought of you being a widower. You deserve better. You deserve a wife to come home to at night who will hold you. You deserve someone who will give you all those strapping boys you want to one day help you run this ranch. You deserve to know that when you reach across your bed at night when you've felt a chill, that the warm body of the woman you love will be there. Let's just enjoy what we have now. Let's not think about what can never be."

Ava placed a gentle kiss on his lips, tears filling her eyes. Nick's eyes too filled with tears and they fell down his cheeks, joining the drizzle that continued to fall. Ava kissed them away and drew Nick's head to her breast. He lay there, loving the feel of her warm body. He knew he loved her and wanted to be with her for as long as he could. He wouldn't allow himself to think of her illness, or of her impending death.

They eventually rose and redressed, though it was a difficult task since their clothes were soaked. Nick gathered up the remnants of their picnic lunch and placed it in the basket. They mounted their horses and rode back to the ranch house. As they entered the yard the rain began to fall harder. Ciego met them to tend to their horses.

Nick took Ava's hand in his and they ran to the house, laughing as they came through the doors of the kitchen. They were soaked to the skin, but neither one cared. Silas went to fetch them each a towel to dry off. They then went upstairs to change. As Ava took her time changing from her wet things, her mind replayed her time spent with Nick that afternoon, and she smiled at the memory. His touch had been gentle, yet passionate. She had never known the feelings of pleasure he had brought to her before. Her husband had never been gentle or giving. He had only taken from her what he wanted.

A sharp pain caused her to double over, gasping. She reached out a hand toward the bedpost to try and steady herself. She breathed in deeply, willing the pain to go away. It eventually receded but left her feeling weak. She sat down on the bed, feeling completely exhausted.

There was a knock at the door and Nick poked his head in. He saw Ava's pale face as she sat on the bed and came to sit next to her. She looked over at him and smiled weakly.

"Another bad one?" his voice filled with concern.

She nodded, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Did I hurt you today, Ava?" he asked softly.

Ava sat up and looked into his eyes.

"No, Nick. You didn't hurt me. You were very gentle. This pain has nothing to do with that."

Nick put his arm around her, and she leaned against him again.

"Nick, would you mind if I just lay down for a while?"

Nick rose and helped Ava lie down, covering her with a light blanket. She closed her eyes, and Nick pulled up a chair to watch her as she dozed. Victoria had been told by Silas that the two had returned soaking wet and she had come to gather their wet things. She had Nick's clothes in her arms and then walked to the guest room where Ava was staying. The door was opened slightly, and she noticed Ava lying on the bed. Nick was sitting next to her, his hand holding hers. They looked so sweet together.

Victoria's heart broke knowing that Nick felt deeply for Ava. She also knew Ava's time was short. She wished she could protect her son from this heartache but knew Nick well enough that he would pull through, eventually. And he would be the stronger for it.