Chapter 5

Ava's health continued to decline as the good days were getting fewer and farther between. Nick spent almost every moment with her until Victoria and Ava both would convince him he needed rest. He would then go to his room and cry himself into a restless sleep for a few hours. Although Nick had agreed to let Ava have the time remaining as she wished, his heart would not give up the quest to seek a solution. To Nick Barkley there was always a way to solve a problem. He was never one to give in without a fight. As he would lay on his bed, the tears soaking his pillow, he would determine in his heart that they would go to San Francisco and see a doctor. Ava's illness was like a demon at their heels stealing their precious time together and these thoughts kept him awake until exhaustion took over and sleep took hold of him. Then he would awaken and remember that Ava didn't want to see another doctor. He would allow her to live out her remaining days how she chose. And she wanted to live them with him.

Victoria was relieved when Nick told her they wouldn't be going to San Francisco after all. Her heart ached for him, knowing it was a difficult decision for him to make as he must have felt he was giving up, something that just wasn't in his nature to do.

Nick awoke one morning to the sound of birds singing and the sunshine brightly shining outside. An idea had come to his mind before he had fallen asleep and as he thought on it more, it seemed the best thing to do.

Nick wanted to spend every single second with Ava. He could tell she was weakening. Doctor Merar had brought by some stronger pain medication, but whenever Ava took it, she would sleep for hours and not be coherent. She didn't like that because she didn't want to sleep the rest of her short life away. She would only take the medicine if the pain were too severe and even then, only a half dose.

Nick rose and changed his clothes. He hadn't bothered changing when he had lain down a few hours before. He went to check on Ava and found her sleeping. He then went downstairs to speak with Silas and his mother. He explained his plan and asked that Silas gather the supplies he would need. Victoria followed him into the hallway and asked if he was sure this was what he wanted to do.

"Mother, it's only a matter of time now. I have be with her every second until the end and I want to be alone with her. Going to the lodge at Indian Springs seems to be the best way to accomplish that."

Victoria nodded, though she hoped Nick wasn't making a mistake. Indian Springs had always held happy memories for their family. (Except for the time Nick brought that woman along with him. Nick had forbidden anyone to say her name in his presence and Victoria didn't even want to let her mind utter it now for fear that Nick would read her thoughts.). Victoria didn't want Nick to see the lodge as a place of sorrow, but he was determined to go through with this. She watched him go up the stairs and then went back to help Silas with the supplies.

Nick peeked into Ava's room and found her sitting up in bed. This was a good sign. If things were bad, she wouldn't have the strength to do anything but lie down.

"Good morning!" he said cheerily as he came in, closing the door behind him. Ava smiled at him, not for the first time wishing she had accepted his marriage proposal. She wanted to wake up next to him every morning and have him take her in his arms. But she wouldn't do that to him. She still couldn't stand the thought of him being a widower.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, coming to sit next to her. Before she could answer he placed a small kiss on her lips.

"I think today might be a good day," she said, bringing him closer to her. He kissed her again, this time the yearning he felt for her showing in his passionate kiss. She lay back and allowed him to continue kissing her, his mouth moving down her neck. She closed her eyes in pleasure.

There was a knock at the door, and Nick sat up, sighing. He walked over to the door and opened it, seeing his sister standing there.

"I brought Ava some breakfast. Is she awake?" Audra asked.

Nick turned and saw Ava was sitting up again. He allowed Audra to come in and kissed her cheek. Audra had been an encouragement to him by being a frequent visitor with Ava. She would come in and sit and talk with her, trying to take Ava's mind off the pain. Ava appreciated Audra as well and thanked her for the delicious smelling food. Audra left the room and Nick joined Ava on the bed and talked with her as she ate.

"Up for a trip today?" he asked when she was almost finished.

Ava smiled. "Where?"

"Indian Springs."

Ava's eyes widened. Nick had described the lodge to her on many occasions and she had been wanting to see it. She was too excited to eat any more and set the tray on the nightstand. She sat on his lap coquettishly and asked when they could go.

Nick laughed at her enthusiasm, almost forgetting her declining health. He drew her into his arms and began kissing her. Someone knocked on the door. It was Audra again, coming to get the tray.

Nick rose and took the tray to Audra, he only opened the door wide enough to give it to her and then told her to let the family know he would be down in a few minutes for breakfast. Audra looked a little disappointed at not being able to come in, but realized they probably were trying to have a few minutes alone.

Nick turned around and smiled devilishly at Ava.

"We can leave today and be there by tonight. Then you and I will have no distractions. Only the two of us."

Ava smiled in anticipation.

They managed to leave a couple of hours later. They would get to the lodge very late that night, but both were looking forward to being alone. Their time together they knew was short and too precious to waste. Ava didn't want to spend her last days on this earth trying to sneak around to be with the man she loved. They had not made love since that first time on their picnic. They had come close, but Nick didn't feel right about it while his family was nearby. He thought of Audra and how it might affect her. He knew she didn't think of him as being completely innocent, but he also knew he had a responsibility to his family. Besides, he knew his mother would not approve. He thought again that if they were married, it wouldn't matter, but Ava was adamant about not leaving him as a widower. In his heart though, he knew that whether the official words were spoken or not, his heart belonged to her and when she left him, he would grieve as though she were his wife.

It was a long trip and when they arrived at the lodge, both were exhausted. They made their bed and fell asleep immediately in each other's arms.

Ava woke just before sunrise, feeling rested. As she lay there, thinking about where she was and who she was with, she couldn't resist snuggling closer to Nick and kissing him. He woke slowly and took her in his arms, the two enjoying their time together. As the sun rose, they were lost in the passions that they had been holding back for too long.

The sun was high in the sky before the couple made their way out of the lodge. They decided to picnic near the lake and Nick brought along his fishing pole to try his hand at catching their supper. Ava leaned against a tree stump, watching as Nick threw his line into the water. Her mind replayed their lovemaking from that morning. She was amazed at his gentle, yet passionate touch. He had been taught the ways of love well and Ava smiled to herself, wondering who his teacher had been. She didn't know and didn't want to ask, but she silently thanked whoever it was. Nick caught a few fish and then came to sit next to Ava. Her black onyx eyes met his hazel ones and he wondered what she was thinking. He was about to ask when she spoke.

"This morning was wonderful, Nick," Ava said softly. She felt some embarrassment for saying those words aloud, but she couldn't help herself. She had to somehow let him know how special their time was to her.

"For me too," Nick said softly, his eyes studying her features. Her face was always pale now, and she had dark circles under her eyes. But Nick still thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. It occurred to him then that he never asked her about her husband. She had just said that he hadn't been a nice man and he had left it at that. They hadn't known each other long when she had first mentioned him, but now his curiosity was getting the better of him.

"Ava," he began, "I'll understand if you don't want to talk about it. But you mentioned before about your husband, Lance. That he wasn't a nice man. What did you mean by that?"

Ava sighed and looked out over the lake. Her black eyes scanning the water, watching the small waves as they hit the shore.

"Lance was rough. Even his kisses could hurt. I remember when I agreed to marry him, he wanted to take me to bed right then, but I managed to get him to wait until our wedding night. I don't think he meant to be hurtful, just that he didn't know how to be any other way. Lance drank, he could say a lot of hurtful things and he spent more nights locked up in the town jail for drunkenness than at home. I don't really know if I preferred him sober or drunk. There really wasn't a difference either way. He didn't know how to be gentle. He would just take me and then it would be over. I never really got any enjoyment from being with him. Not like when I'm with you."

"Look, I don't mean to pry sweetheart, but why did you marry a man like that?"

"Fear. I was all alone in the world, no education, no money, no family, and I was lonely. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I knew Lance from school, he seemed nice enough at the time; at least I thought so, but maybe because I needed him to be, I overlooked his faults. He asked me to marry him. No one had ever asked me before, so I said yes. At least I wouldn't be lonely, or so I thought."

"But you were lonely." He softly brushed the curve of her cheek with his thumb.

"Worse than ever. What a fool I was." She said with a humorless chuckle. "I should have waited. I should have saved myself for you."

Ava turned to look at Nick. "You're so gentle. It's like, when you touch me, it's for my pleasure. That you want me to enjoy what's happening and that makes me want to please you. It's like a circle." Ava looked away embarrassed.

"I'm sorry for prattling on."

Nick took her hand in his and she looked over at him. He kissed her hand and she smiled. "You aren't prattling on. I do enjoy pleasing you and you please me very much."

Ava continued to smile at him as he moved on top of her and showered her with kisses.

Over the next few days, Nick showed Ava around the area and she was in awe of the beautiful scenery. This place was as beautiful as Nick had described. Ava had felt so good since they had arrived, almost putting her illness from her mind. Almost.

They returned from a ride and Ava went to the kitchen to fix them some dinner. Nick was bringing in some wood for the stove when he heard a loud crash. He ran into the kitchen and saw Ava sitting on the floor, doubled over in pain. He picked her up and took her into the bedroom. After laying her on the bed, he searched through their things for the medicine Doc Merar had given her. She made him promise to only give her half doses unless she specifically asked for more. She still writhed in pain after twenty minutes and Nick begged her to let him give the entire dose. She didn't want to take it, but agreed, more for his sake than hers. She realized how hard it was for him to see her in such pain.

Ava finally fell asleep, and Nick stayed by her side, holding her hand. When he was sure she was in a deep sleep, he left her to sit on the porch. After a few minutes, the rage inside him came to a boiling point and he marched off into the woods. He found a large branch and began to violently strike a nearby tree. The branch could not withstand the force and splintered into tiny pieces. Nick fell to his knees and cried agonizing sobs. He hated this! He hated seeing Ava suffer so and screamed how unfair it was. The trees and surrounding wildlife were the only witnesses to his heartbreak.