a/n: So sorry I forgot to post this yesterday! It just slipped my mind.

This chapter is a little bit shorter than they have been lately, and that's partially because I'm trying to drag things out a little. I only have like 1 more full chapter complete on this, and I REALLY don't want to leave y'all hanging. Some words of encouragement would help a lot. :)

Enjoy!

i have burnt down my past
i'm lost, i'm built to last
i'm built to break, but that's okay
Bob Schneider, "Honeypot"

July 26
It was forty-eight hours before Rae announced Kai fit to travel. Her flailing from the nightmare had done some damage, and she'd reluctantly told Rae about the dream—and she'd agreed with Nick, though what she'd actually said was "Randall Flagg don't know his shit from Shinola, and I'll be damned if he's rippin' my ass to pieces."

That had made her laugh, and took a weight off her shoulders even Nick's reassurances hadn't.

Flagg had said he would give her twenty-four hours to think it over, but she didn't dream of him the next night. Maybe he'd gotten the message the first time. Either way, she was glad he was out of her head for now, and with the help of the pain medication she slept easier than she had in a month.

They'd spent the day preparing to leave in the morning. Nick and Rae had done several supply runs, while Tom and Kai packed their car and Rae's truck. They planned for Tom and Nick to help Rae close down the solar panels again in the morning, but in the meantime they had one more night of hot water and electricity.

Kai made several loaves of bread and some cookies and for dinner Nick made stir fry from a bunch of vegetables he'd found raiding people's gardens that afternoon. They ate and played Old Maid until Kai couldn't keep her eyes open.

She made it back to the bedroom under her own power, and a few minutes later the door opened. Nick shut it behind him and motioned toward the bathroom.

"One last shower?"

"That would be lovely."

"Save hot water and take it together?" he said with a grin.

She pretended to think it over. "Okay, but you have to behave. Shower sex is dangerous with two good working legs. I don't want to attempt it with one and a half."

"I am the picture of good behavior. I promise."

He actually kept his promise, though a small part of her wished he wouldn't. His gaze felt hot on her skin and she shivered every time she looked up into his face. He held her steady while she washed her hair. Kissed her neck as they stood under the warm spray with his arms around her. She leaned back against him while he propped against the wall and tilted her head to rest on his shoulder.

They stood there maybe longer than they should have, long enough to get pruny and for her leg to start to ache, but it was a rare quiet moment in what they knew was going to become an increasingly hectic new life.

He helped her out and they dried each other off, then he wandered away while she washed her face, brushed her teeth, and went nuts with body lotion. He reappeared as she was re-bandaging her leg, in his standard sleep uniform of boxer briefs, and pressed his face into the curve of her neck and took a long breath.

"Smells good," he signed.

She smiled at his reflection in the mirror. "Rae makes it. Or—made it. I'm hoping she'll teach me when we get…wherever we're going. That and the soap."

"That smells good, too."

"And practical." She frowned. "I should learn to sew for real."

"It's okay." He took her hand and kissed the knuckles. "I can sew."

She blinked at him. "You never told me that."

He flashed a grin. "I like to be mysterious. Being able to repair your clothes is an important skill when you don't have steady income. Plus it was one of the things they taught us in the children's home—though only the girls, which I thought was bullshit. No one really cared what I did, so I sat in."

She turned to face him and pressed a kiss to his dimples. "He's cute, he sews, he makes me come, he rejects traditional gender roles—what a dreamboat."

He smirked and ran his hands through her wet hair. "I'm a Renaissance man, baby."

She kissed his nose. His cheek under his bad eye. "Take me to bed, Renaissance man, and let's see if we can figure out how to have some fun without making it strenuous."

He took one of her hands in his and walked backwards out the bathroom door and into the bedroom. "I have an excellent imagination, and it's been on my mind the past few days. I have some ideas."

"Oh has it?" she said with a smirk. She sat on the edge of the bed and scooted backwards until she leaned against the headboard.

He crawled in next to her and kissed her bare shoulder. "Lots."

She took his face in her hands and flicked her tongue against his lips until they parted and he tugged her close for a long, heated kiss. "Show me," she said.

His eyes roamed up and down her body for a moment. "You're naked. A lot of them start out that way. But…" He jumped up and she stared after him, perplexed.

He came around to her side of the bed and waved her over. "Scoot."

"What?"

He dropped a quick kiss on her mouth. "Scoot over. I need to be on this side."

"But that's the bad side."

"Kai, please."

"Okay, scooting." She moved over to the other side and gave him a look. "Better?"

He knelt next to her. Carded a hand through her hair and pulled her to him for more kisses. He ran a hand down her body, a languid stroke, and she arched into it. "Lie down. On your side."

Finally she caught on to what he had in mind. He saw the realization dawn and nodded, then motioned for her to do as he said. She slid down in bed and turned onto her side, her back to him. The mattress dipped as he stretched out behind her and pressed close.

"Weren't you wearing shorts a minute ago?"

"Must've lost them somewhere." He brushed her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck. Along the top of her shoulder. Behind her ear. He blew a warm stream of air across her cheek and she shivered.

She wiggled until her ass was pressed firmly against him. He shifted with a brief exhale and she could feel him getting hard. He slid his hand from her hip up to cup one of her breasts. His teeth nipped softly at her neck. He sucked, hard, then soothed the tender skin with his tongue. She let out a breath and twisted her arm around to bury her fingers in his hair.

He moved against her and she rocked into him. It was like a switch had flipped inside of her and she'd gone from zero to sixty in two seconds. She tugged at his hair and turned her head to kiss him. His tongue plunged in and out of her mouth and he dragged his hand from her nipples down, over her belly, to the aching heat between her thighs.

"Nicky!" she breathed against his lips. He smirked and ran two fingers up and down her slit. The pain in her thigh was distant, and she just wanted more of him, more of his hands and lips and tongue. The thick, hard length of him against her ass and the heat of his breath across her skin.

His hand moved from between her legs and she whimpered. He kissed the curve of her ear and groped behind him for the bottle of lotion on the nightstand. He set it down in front of her and pumped a bit into his hand, then stroked up and down his cock. Got some more, and rubbed it into the cleft of her ass. She squirmed in anticipation as he gripped her hip. Squeezed, hard, and slid his cock slowly between her cheeks. He kneaded her hip and adjusted the angle until he was nestled just right, and with every movement his cock slid over her hole and back to almost dip inside her cunt.

She gave a soft moan and grabbed his hand to yank it back down between her thighs. She felt his smirk against her neck and then his fingers were inside her and her mind blanked. Her short nails dug into his wrist and she rocked and squirmed and muffled another moan in the pillow.

He was as wound up as she was, but he tried to hold back. He didn't want to hurt her, and the bright bandage on her thigh was like a warning beacon.

"I'm fine," she signed, quick and desperate. "I'm fine, please, need you!"

His breath left in a ragged exhale and he slid his other arm under her to wrap around her waist and hold her tight against him. He moved his hips in uneven little jerks and his fingers curled and scissored inside her. Ground his palm against her clit and it felt so good, so fucking good, she wanted it to last forever.

She twisted to kiss him again and their mouths met feverishly, blindly, a molten clash of lips and tongues and teeth and gasping breath. "I love you," she murmured. "Love you so much!"

His eyes flicked down to her mouth and his grin lit up his whole face. He pressed his hand against her middle, his fingers forming the I love you sign, and stroked her g-spot the way he knew drove her crazy.

"Come for me, pretty girl," he signed. "Let me feel you."

He moved his palm in a circle and his fingers in a beckoning come here gesture and she knew she couldn't hold on any longer. She turned her face into the pillow and her hips bucked as the delicious heat overwhelmed her. He kept kissing up and down her neck and she reached back to grab his hip so that he moved with her as she shuddered.

He buried his face in the curve of her shoulder and she grabbed a handful of his hair and gave it a sharp yank. A breath exploded out of him and she felt the hot rush of his come against her skin. He nuzzled behind her ear and she turned her head for fervent kisses. He sucked her full lower lip and nipped it before letting his forehead fall to rest against hers.

He stroked her stomach with a gentle palm and squeezed her hip with fingers slick from her cunt. She caressed his cheek. Combed her fingers through his hair and then his beard. He dropped a quick kiss to her temple and held up a finger for her to wait.

While he was gone she moved back to her side of the bed and stretched out on her back. Her thigh hurt a bit, but not too badly. She stretched her leg up in the air and flexed her toes.

He appeared next to her and handed her a warm washcloth. "How's the leg?" he signed as he passed it to her.

"Not bad. Sore, but doesn't seem to be any worse." She winced a little as she shifted to clean the come off her thighs. She gave him a wry look, and his brows lifted in an apologetic shrug.

He ran a hand through her hair as he leaned down to kiss her, then took the cloth back to the bathroom. She heard the water running, and a few moments later he crawled into bed next to her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," he replied with a soft smile.

She ran her fingers over his dimples and the crinkles at the corner of his good eye. "You're beautiful," she said.

He looked startled and his lips twitched. "You're…drunk, maybe."

"No. Well…maybe a little. I came really hard."

"I noticed," he said, smirking.

"But it doesn't change how beautiful you are."

Blushing, he dropped her eyes fiddled with the sheet. "You're very sweet," he finally said. "And beautiful. And sexy."

She grinned and lifted his chin to kiss him. "And so creative. Did I mention that?"

He caught her hand in his and kissed the palm. "I can't wait till you're healed enough I can go down on you," he said. He ran a fingertip down her arm. "I miss how you taste, baby girl."

"Hmmm." She tilted her head and her nose scrunched as she thought it over. "Maybe if you were kneeling in front of me and I had my legs over your shoulders?"

"Yeah?" He kissed her jaw. "You think so?"

"We could try it. Not tonight!" she said with a giggle. "I think it's had enough of a workout for tonight. But if I'm not too sore after being on the road all day tomorrow, maybe we could sneak off somewhere…offer to do a supply run…" She lifted a brow and traced a line down his nose with her finger.

A grin slowly unfurled across his face. "Excellent idea, Ms. d'Arnaud. Very clever."

"Thank you, my love."

He slid a hand into her hair and they kissed for a long time. She pulled away to muffle a yawn, and when she came back she saw he was laughing at her.

"What?!" she said.

"Nothing. Guess I wore you out, huh?"

"You, being shot in the leg, working all day…take your pick."

"Poor baby." He scooted down in the bed and held his arms out.

She snuggled against him, her head on his shoulder, and was asleep before he even turned the light off.

July 27-29, OK - NE
The next several days on the road were tough with Kai's injury, but she gritted her teeth and got on with things. They picked up people as they went, including a vet who looked at her leg and and proclaimed it on the way to recovery. Rae was unimpressed, since she'd been saying the same thing for the past week.

There was a little girl with him, her arm broken in a fall from a hay loft, and she and Tom became fast friends. He would carry her on his back or perched on his shoulders, or sometimes swing her around in circles making airplane noises.

It was about midday on July 29th when their little caravan pulled into a familiar dooryard. The apple tree had lost its blossoms, and small green fruit had replaced them, but the tire swing hung in the same place.

Bonnie and Tom gave matching cries of delight and ran for it while the others stretched stiff muscles and shared suddenly apprehensive glances. They were here. Finally. After nearly two months of dreams and weeks of travel and an entire goddamn apocalypse, they were standing in front of Mother Abagail's modest house with the corn all around and the sun hot on their faces.

"I'll go," Nick signed, with Kai translating.

"Do you want me to go with you?" she said.

His mouth curved and he nodded, so together (Kai still limping a little) they crossed the dusty yard and climbed the steps onto the low porch. The screen door opened before Nick could knock, and a tiny old Black woman stepped outside.

It was her. The old lady from their dreams.

"Mother Abagail?" Kai said. "My name is—"

"I know who you are, little girl," she said, her voice low and rusty, but kind. "I know who all of you are. And you're all welcome here!"

She held a hand out to Nick. "Nick Andros. So good to see you." She smiled at Kai. "And you brought Kai. I'm glad you're here, darlin'. I'm glad you're all here! Please, make yourselves at home! Food'll be ready soon."

As the others came to greet her, she waved Nick and Kai toward the door. "Y'all go on inside and wait for me. I'll be along in a minute."

Nick cast Kai a puzzled look, but she shrugged, just as clueless as he was. They stepped into the warm little kitchen and Kai instantly felt more relaxed. There was the smell of biscuits baking and chicken frying and a thousand other things she associated with long afternoons spent with her Grandmére.

"I like it here," she said.

Nick nodded, a smile toying with his mouth. "Me too. It feels…homey." His brow crinkled. "Why us?"

"I don't know. Maybe she wants to look at my leg? Or your eye? Who knows."

There was a pitcher of lemonade on the table, and Nick poured them a couple of glasses and they sat down to wait. It was cool from being in the icebox (an actual old-fashioned ice box) and tasted delicious after the long, dusty drive with the window busted out in the SUV.

The screen door slammed and Mother Abagail hobbled in. They started to stand, but she waved them back down. "Don't move on my account. I'm comin' over there to join you." Nick jumped up anyway and pulled a chair out for her, and she sank into it with a grateful sigh.

"Whew. All that jawin' got me wore out. Nick, be a darlin' and pour me a glass of that lemonade."

He did as she asked, and she took a long pull before smacking her lips in satisfaction and setting the glass aside. "Now. You two must be wonderin' why I singled you out."

"We were curious," Kai said with a quick glance at Nick.

"Everybody out there been through this—Captain Trips. Li'l Bonnie lost her parents. Broke her arm. Rae lost her children. We've all lost, thanks to this flu."

Nick shifted in his chair. "I—feel like I've lost less than most people. I barely knew Sheriff and Jane Baker, or Doc Soames. Besides them, there's hardly anyone else in the pre-flu world…" He trailed off with a shrug and looked embarrassed.

Mother Abagail patted his hand with hers. "It ain't just about the people we've lost, Nick. You two—you've been through more than most. We all got stories to tell, but it seems the Lord's been testin' the two of you sorely." She tapped below her eye and pointed at Nick, then the center of her chest and gestured toward Kai.

"My…heart?" she said, face scrunching. "I—don't think I've lost any more in that area than any of the others."

"No," she said, "it ain't what you lost, l'il girl. It's what you've gained. What you both have. That's a type of test, too. Can you hold on even when things ain't so good?"

"You mean when I spend three days delirious with fever because I accidentally shot myself?" Nick said.

"Or when I tell him the truth about what happened to my father?" Kai said with a nod toward Nick.

"That," Mother Abagail said with a sanguine nod, "and when the Dark Man comes along to tempt you. When you've got more to lose, it's harder than ever to tell him no."

Nick frowned and gave a slow shake of his head. "No, ma'am. It's easier. Because without Kai—or with her, the way he would have her—all of this would just be…" He lifted a hand. "A game of charades. And I don't mean that because she translates for me."

"I know what you meant," Mother Abagail said. She gave them each keen, probing looks through sharp brown eyes. "I have a way of knowin' things, and in that way I've been told that you two are to be leaders in this new community we're gonna build. You, and others. I haven't met none of them yet, but they're on their way here right now."

She drew in a deep breath and let it out with a little shudder, and suddenly she looked her one-hundred-and-eight years. "Our journey's not done yet, children. We gotta go west. To Colorado." She said it Col-o-RAY-doe. "I don't want to leave my home. I was born here, and I always planned to die here, but the Lord has other plans for me, and I have always served His will."

Nick and Kai shared a look across the table. "Mother Abagail…" He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "Ma'am. I don't believe in God."

She stared at him a moment before her eyes bounced to Kai and back again. Abruptly she threw back her head and laughed louder and stronger than either of them would have thought possible. She didn't seem at all frail now. "Oh, bless you, child, bless you! That don't matter none!" She sobered and poked Nick in the center of his chest. "He believes in you."

Kai had been searching for him for the last twenty minutes or so, and she finally found him down the hill at a little creek. This late in the summer it was nearly dried up, and he sat on the bank throwing twigs and pebbles down into the ditch in a half-hearted way.

She stopped next to him, and he looked up at her with a brief wave. She stood for a while, then dropped down to sit beside him and joined in on the rock toss. Neither of them said anything for a long time. The sun was just starting to sink in the west and the shadows were getting long. The late afternoon was hot and close, and Kai waved gnats away from her sweaty face.

"What the fuck does that even mean?" he finally signed.

"I don't know."

"God believes in me." He shoved a hand through his hair. "Why should I care?! If I don't believe in God, then who—what—there's not even any context for that statement! It's completely meaningless!"

"That's true."

"We came all the way to Nebraska and now we've got to keep going, to Boulder, Colorado. What's in Boulder? Who knows, that's just where we're going!"

She didn't reply, just studied his profile: scrunched forehead, tense mouth, good eye narrowed against the sun.

"Closer to Vegas," she finally said.

He let out a huff. "Great, so he can get to us faster."

"Or we can get to him."

His chin dropped to his chest and he shook his head. "It just doesn't make any sense."

She shifted a bit so that she faced him. "You believe in her, don't you?"

He hesitated, briefly. Then, "Yeah. Yes. I do. Even more now that I've met her."

"Okay. Then leave God out of it. She wants us to go to Boulder, so we go to Boulder. She wants us to lead these people, so we do it. She believes in us. That's what should matter."

He peered at her. "I never thought you would be so…sure."

She lifted both hands in a shrug and her mouth curved a little. "Nick, look, what she said…I don't know if I believe in God, either, but I believe…in that. That God believes in you. In your goodness and your strength and your perseverance. I haven't been in any shape to lead anyone since Pratt. It's been you who's gotten these people here, even when they were scared and confused. You have something about you that people trust, and that people—believe in."

"Kai…" He sighed and scrubbed his palms over his face. "What if I let them all down?"

"I don't think you will. But, if you get unsure, just remember that I'm there. I've always got your back."

He reached for her hand and toyed with her fingers a moment before bringing it to his lips for a kiss. "She said both of us. Not just me."

"I know. Now that my leg's down to a manageable ache I think I'll start feeling more like myself again." Her brow furrowed and she cast a look out over the dry stream bed and the field beyond. "I wonder who these other people are, the ones she said would lead with us."

"Probably the ones from your dream."

"Yeah," she said. "Probably. Should we tell them about that?"

His head tilted back and forth as he considered. "We probably shouldn't lead with it, but maybe after we've all gotten to know each other a bit."

She threw a pebble at him, but he batted it down. "Hey!"

"Smartass," she said with a grin.

He shrugged, unrepentant. "Guilty as charged."

"We should get back," she said. "The others will be looking for us. They'll think we're off necking."

He grinned. "Necking? What does necking entail, exactly?"

"I don't know, exactly, but I get the impression it has something to do with kissing."

"I like kissing."

"I do too, but I'm pretty sure if I kiss you now it'll lead to mischief, and we don't have time for that."

He made a face and kissed her anyway. "A tiny bit of mischief."

She carded her fingers through his hair. "Maybe…a little bit."

He stretched out in the grass and drew her down with him. "Ten minutes. I'll set my alarm."

"Uh huh," she breathed against his mouth as she nodded. He kissed her again, long and slow, then wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head. She snuggled in against him and listened to the steady sound of his heart.

"Too hot to stay like this long," she said.

He ran a hand down to her hip and squeezed. "A little longer, okay?"

She tilted her back to kiss his jaw. "A little longer."

she said the thing!