Chapter 7

The lone rider made his way up the trail, knowing he would be at his destination in just a few hours. He couldn't explain why he had to come, only that he knew he was needed. He had woken up in the middle of the night, an overwhelming urge to be with his brother.

The day was beautiful. The sky was blue, and the birds serenaded the man as he made his way on the trail. His deep blue eyes watched everything around him. He finally reached the small lodge that had been built a few years ago by he and his brothers. They had always camped out in tents when they came to Indian Springs but began making plans for the lodge and spent a few months off and on building it. It wasn't the grandest of structures, but it was comfortable. Their mother was pleased with it and thanked her sons.

As Jarrod Barkley broke through the brush that allowed him a full view of the lodge and its surroundings, he saw Nick sitting on a tree stump, staring out at the water. Jarrod climbed down from his horse and tied Jingo to a nearby tree. He walked up slowly to Nick, whose back was to him, but made sure he was making enough noise to let Nick know of his presence.

"What are you doing here, Pappy?" Nick asked tiredly.

Jarrod smiled a bit as he said, "We hadn't heard from you and Mother was beginning to worry."

"Nice try, big brother."

Jarrod sighed. He was still standing behind Nick, but close enough to touch him if he reached out. Nick had not turned around but continued to stare out onto the clear water.

"I just had to come. I felt...I felt that you needed me."

Nick nodded quietly. Jarrod looked around, wondering where Ava was. It was then that he spotted it. A freshly dug grave just up the hill from the cabin. Nick had turned around to look at him and noticed the direction of his brother's gaze. Jarrod turned back to look into Nick's pain filled eyes.

"When?" Jarrod asked.

"Day before yesterday," Nick said plainly. He quietly stood and walked back to the cabin. He poured a drink for both. Jarrod came in slowly, looking around. It looked as though Nick had been packing things up, readying to go home. He accepted the offered drink and sat down. Nick joined him but didn't speak. They sat in silence for about a half hour and Jarrod couldn't help but think how unusual it was for Nick to stay quiet this long. Had the situation not been what it was, he would have joked about it.

"I'm surprised Heath didn't make the trip with you," Nick said finally breaking the silence.

"He wanted to. But thought if we both came you would worry about the ranch. Things are going well by the way. Getting ready for branding next week."

Nick nodded and took another sip of his drink. He sighed and set the glass down. Jarrod watched him, letting Nick decide when he was ready to talk.

"I can almost understand how you felt when Beth died," were Nick's first words after another long period of silence. "To lose someone you love like that, I couldn't imagine."

Jarrod's heart ached at the mention of his wife's name. They had known each other for such a short time and to have her taken away from him... Jarrod remembered the pain being unbearable. He remembered the first night of sitting beside his bed, unable to make himself lie down. And the anger. Jarrod had never known such a dark side to him existed, but he knew it now. And he hoped he never saw that part of himself again. He looked up when Nick spoke.

"I hated watching Ava die, Jarrod. The thing that bothers me the most, is that a faceless enemy took her from me. And I can't have the satisfaction of revenge."

Jarrod nodded his understanding. He at least was able to see Cass Hyatt punished for Beth's murder. Had almost murdered the man himself if not for the courageous brother sitting before him now.

They sat in silence for another few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. Jarrod could have easily filled in the quiet moments with conversation but wouldn't allow himself to speak.

"Will there be joy again, Jarrod?" Nick asked, tears filling his eyes. He looked at Jarrod and said, "Not just happiness. Will there be joy?"

Jarrod thought for a moment. He had often asked himself the same question after Beth's death. He had known happiness in the years since she had gone. Had joked around with his family. Laughed out loud even. Gone to parties in San Francisco, and dances in Stockton. He had found happiness again, though it took a while. But joy. It took a lot longer for that to come into his life again. And it had come in the form of a young woman that he was to be married to in three months' time named Colleen.

"Yes, Nick. You'll know joy again. It may take some time, but it will come."

Nick nodded satisfied with the answer Jarrod had given.

"Ava made me promise that I would marry someday," he said softly. "I had asked her to marry me before we came up here, but she said she couldn't stand the thought of me being a widower. I just don't see how I can marry. Just thinking of loving someone else..."

Nick put his head in his hands. He wept and Jarrod came to sit beside him, putting his arm around his hurting brother. Nick allowed Jarrod to comfort him.

"It'll take time, Nick. Everything takes time. You don't have to rush into anything. You'll know when the time is right. When you're ready to love again."

Nick quieted down. He sat back against the sofa and leaned his head back. He couldn't remember ever feeling so emotionally bankrupt before. Not even when his father had been killed had he ever felt like this. Maybe it was because his father had died suddenly, and Ava had died such a slow, agonizing death. He sighed and stood, refilling his and Jarrod's drinks.

"I'm planning on going back tomorrow. But Jarrod, I just want to be left alone for a while. I know it isn't fair to ask the family to do that. And I know I would have a hard time abiding by this request if you or Heath asked, but I need this time alone, and I want to do it my own way. If you want to ride back with me that's fine. But eventually I want you to ride ahead and tell them to leave me alone at least for a little while."

Jarrod watched Nick as he made his speech. He knew his mother would have a difficult time with this request. As would Heath and Audra. But he knew that if he explained things to them, they would do as Nick asked.

Jarrod placed a hand on Nick's shoulder and squeezed it. They didn't need to say anything. Nick knew Jarrod would do what he wanted, and he left it at that.

Jarrod left for home a few hours before Nick and arrived in the late afternoon. He entered through the front door, placing his hat and gun belt on the hat tree. He turned around and saw his mother as she descended the stairs.

Once she reached the bottom, she asked, "Did you find Nick? Will he be home soon?"

Victoria looked anxious. She admitted that she was worried about her middle son and was relieved when Jarrod had informed her he was going to the lodge. She led Jarrod into the parlor, and they sat on the sofa.

"Yes, I saw Nick and he should be home in a few hours if he doesn't decide to camp out tonight."

"How's Ava?"

Jarrod's expression turned sorrowful, and Victoria didn't need him to tell her that Ava was gone. Tears filled her eyes and Jarrod put his arm around her.

"When?" she asked, the tears falling down her cheeks.

"A few days ago." Jarrod hesitated before going on. He knew his mother would not like what he had to say. "Mother, Nick asked me to tell the family something."

Victoria looked up, wondering what he was going to say.

"Nick wants us to leave him alone for now. I think he's planning on resuming his duties on the ranch, but he doesn't want us trying to encourage him or cheer him up."

Victoria shifted away from Jarrod, clearly not pleased with the request.

"We can't let him shut us out. We are family and family always helps one another!"

Jarrod smiled, knowing she would react that way. "I don't think Nick is going to shut us out. He just wants to grieve in his own way. His heart needs time to heal. He knows he has our support and love we just need to back off for a while. Just a little while."

Victoria nodded. This would be difficult for her, he knew. It would be difficult for them all, but they would do it for Nick.

Later that evening, Jarrod and Heath were involved in a game of billiards while Audra looked on, smiling at the teasing remarks her brothers were tossing back and forth. Victoria had gone to get some coffee and was headed back to the billiard room when the front door opened. In walked Nick. He looked dusty, tired and his face was thinner. Victoria set the tray down she had been carrying and walked over to him.

"Hello, Mother," he said softly. Victoria thought he looked like a wounded animal. She didn't know what to say to him, so she held out her arms. He gladly accepted her embrace. Nick closed his eyes, taking comfort in having his mother's arms around him. He longed to be a little boy again, to have her kiss his pain away as she had done when he was a child. But he was a grown man now, and the pain in his heart wouldn't be taken away with his mother's kiss.

Nick stepped back and Victoria's eyes shone with unshed tears. Nick kissed her cheek and said softly, "It's good to be home, Mother."

"The family's in the billiard room. I know Heath and Audra are eager to see you."

Nick shook his head. "I'm tired. I think I'll just head on up and bathe, then turn in. I'll see them tomorrow morning at breakfast. Tell them all good night for me."

Victoria nodded and watched as Nick made his way up the stairs. She waited to regain her composure before taking the coffee in to the others.