Everyone is thankfully asleep when I slink back into the room.

I crawl in my sleeping bag gratefully, not even bothering to change.

I wake to soft, thin hands on my shoulder.

That's not Sensei…

"Rin-chan! Wake up! Wake up! We need to get breakfast!"

I crack open my eyes and blink. Mina grins excitedly down, her hairs a wild mess of pink, her yellow antenna catching in the dim morning light, and her black eyes wide and lively. She leans forward impatiently, her too-thin hands pressing against my shoulder. Like I would Shinsou. I don't know why, but my skin brighten.

"Oh… Uh…"

I rub at my eyes and sit up.

"Oh! You're glowing again!" the pink girl squeals, pulling away to clap her hands. "Oh! Oh! Can you make the wings?"

"Wings?" Toru asks sleepily from the pair of floating pajamas. "Rin-chan has wings?"

"She made butterfly wings at the mall!" Mina says, turning her way. I sleepily rub my eyes and try to decipher what's going on. "You have to see them, they're beautiful!"

I blush and pull myself out of the sleeping bag, somewhat in awe that… that they're talking about me. About my quirk. I push my hair behind my ear and glance around the room towards the others. Tsuyu and Ochako groan tiredly, both still half-enclosed in their sleeping bags. Momo and Kyoka dress quietly, they catch my eye and I don't miss the curiosity in their gaze.

"I wanna see!" squeaks Toru, invisible hands clapping. "Oh, I love butterflies! I have butterfly plush at home Daddy got me for my birthday!"

"Uh… Um… Okay?"

I pull off my shirt, grab a tank top from my bag, and change quickly. When I finish, I wrinkle my nose in concentration. It doesn't take much. Unfortunately, I didn't focus clearly enough, and instead of butterfly wings, a thin layer of light forms into buzzing dragonfly wings. They shimmer and bathe the entire room in a golden haze.

Ochako's mouth drops.

Behind her, Momo oohs, and Kyoka splutters.

I duck my head at so much attention, feeling the new appendage hum against my back.

"Oh, that one's new!" Mina says. She reaches forward and laughs at the small breeze released by their constant movement. "Can you do any more?"

"I…"

"We should eat first, ribbit," interrupts Tsuyu, who squints in the now well-lit room. "Sensei said he wanted us all for training at 5:30."

"That's probably a good idea," Momo agrees, standing.

Well aware of how difficult it is to walk around with wings, I concentrate and force them away. My hair shifts and I know cat ears have popped on top. Toru giggles and I feel something I can't see press against me, an invisible arm moving across my head.

That feels weird.

"They even feel real!" exclaims the invisible girl beside me. I struggle, as usual, to know where to look when an empty t-shirt and shorts leans against me. Thankfully, Mina grabs her by the arm and pulls her forward, both of them giggling excitedly.

I rub my neck and follow. It's a short walk to the mess hall, but it takes nearly the entire time to disperse the glow. Especially when Toru keeps exclaiming about my cuteness…

Almost no one is there yet. Thank goodness! I nearly grimace at the thought of having to deal with the boys. Instead, I glance around, hoping to catch sight of Sensei, but he's nowhere to be seen either. I wonder what he's doing…

I pout and grab a bowl of what looks like overnight porridge, and head to a bench. It looks like white throw up and I sniff it cautiously, concerned at the little black bean things floating inside. The others look just as concerned, but when Ochako takes a bite, hums, and then another, I hesitantly try my own. It's sweet. Sweet and full of fruit and warm. Breakfast is a muted affair, especially compared to dinner, and Momo even goes back for seconds. Everyone but Toru and Mina rub at their eyes, Kyoka mumbling tiredly as she eats. Mina and Toru, however, strike up a conversation, unnaturally animated.

Sensei wouldn't like them, I think amusedly trying to picture them sitting at the kitchen table and being so loud. He'd probably come grumbling out and growl to find something to do. He was always such a grouch in the mornings.

Then I yawn too because the stupid things are contagious and I can't help it.

By the time the boys stumble in to join us, we're all basically wandering out. Tsuyu, the most exhausted, takes the longest. She shuffles around with barely opened eyes and a hint of drool slipping between her lips. She looks ready to nod off, much as she did in her breakfast, and Momo has to poke her twice to get her moving.

Once outside, she leans against Ochako and falls asleep standing. I watch in amazement as she releases little snores and Ochako doesn't push her off.

Weird...

Sensei, waiting in the grassy yard, raises an eyebrow but says nothing. Instead, he sips coffee from his to-go cup and takes us all in over the rim. I brighten when I catch his eye, much to Mina and Toru's delight. He looks like his usual sour self with a rumpled uniform and scruffy face. Like he just rolled out of bed, mouth thin and eyes drooping. The two girls giggle furiously even as Sensei scowls. I feel the rather overwhelming urge to hug him, to kiss his cheek, and make him run his fingers through my hair.

I... I don't know why.

He wouldn't let you.

It's a rather bitter thought. I control myself and shuffle my feet in the silence, uncomfortable.

However, when several minutes tick by, I grow bored and courageous enough to wander over. He gives me a warning look. I ignore it.

"Do you want a hug?" I ask curiously, flushing lightly when someone snorts and Toru breaks out in furious whispers. Sensei raises an eyebrow and stuff one hand in his pocket, unamused.

"No."

"Did you sleep well?" I ask curiously. "Your clothes are wrinkled."

His expression darkens.

"What do you want?"

"To say hi?" I offer, pulling at my fingers shyly. He stares.

"Hello, Rin. Go talk to your classmates."

Grouchy.

I frown and look down, and he sighs. Something weighted falls on my head, and I look up in surprise to see his arm, stretched out and pressed against my head. I lean into it automatically, relishing the warmth, and he rolls his eyes before dropping it back down to his side.

My glow brightens, fireflies breaking out all over my skin, and he looks both simultaneously amused and annoyed.

I nearly ask for another, but he nods pointedly to the others. I do as I'm told and reluctantly make my way back between Momo and Mina. Both give me a weird look, but the pink girl is quickly distracted by my quirk. She spends several minutes excitedly attempting to trap the glowing dots roving across my bare skin. If Shinsou were here, he'd probably call her a weirdo and tell her to quit.

Dude, personal space!

The thought just creates more of them, much to the pink girl's amusement.

It takes about five more minutes before the boys join us in the grass. When I notice Mineta trudging along in the back, my glow shudders and dies. Mina sighs disappointedly and Kyoka offers a worried glance. I frown, uncomfortable at the sudden feeling crawling under my skin. My stomach drop as he passes, and I nearly sigh in relief when he doesn't approach. Instead, the smaller boy shuffles towards the edge of the crowd, head bent and looking glum. I don't miss the way nobody stands near him either.

My insides twist uncomfortably.

He's never looked so sad.

"Good morning students."

Luckily, there isn't time to think about it. Sensei doesn't hesitate before launching into directions. He hands Bakugou a baseball and has him throw it.

"GO TO HELL!"

It's just as impressive the second time, heat and flames billowing out to lick against my skin. He grins victoriously until Sensei shows him the score.

But it's already fast…

Does that really matter?

Bakugou apparently thinks so. He scowls and stomps in a fit as Sensei leads us back into the woods. The cat women are there again, this time with a man. He's dressed in a skirt too, though I don't know why. I resolve to ask Sensei later. They each pose and shout, and I honestly lose track of what they're saying when I notice the boy from yesterday.

He looks grumpy.

I wonder if he ever smiles…

"Bakugou!"

Sensei starts going through names, calling each individual forward for instructions. Everyone gets stuck with some of the weirdest training methods I've ever seen. Todoroki has to take a bath and change the water hot and cold. Bakugou is slapping water, Tokoyami has to hide in a cave and wrestle against Dark Shadow, and Momo has to eat and continuously pop out dolls. I definitely don't envy Ochako who Sensei wants spinning around mid-air until she pukes.

I'm not particularly surprised I'm last, but it is a little embarrassing. Especially when I can feel the weight of several of my classmates' eyes.

"Rin."

"Sir?" I ask rubbing my neck.

I wonder what he's going to have me do. He hasn't trusted me to train my quirk alone since before the beach. And usually, when we do train, he makes me talk about all the stupid things the shadows do. But there's no way he'll manage that and watch the others.

I frown.

He frowns back.

"Stop overthinking things," he says blandly. His expression changes to boredom and he gestures towards a cliff-side that extends four stories high. "You're going to work on increasing your stamina. You'll spend the next hour and a half using your shadows against the mountainside. Afterward, there will be a short break, and when Tiger calls for Power-Types, you're to join him for sparring."

I pout.

"What do you want me to actually do though?" I ask.

Sensei frowns.

"You can choose what shape you want the shadows to take, though I would suggest you save your tentacles for last. Attack the cliff-face continuously for however long you can manage, breathe and drink water, then do it again."

I look in the direction he nods towards. Mina and Kyoka are both working hard in the same area. My shoulders sag in relief that Mineta's not there. I bite my lip and nod.

"Yes, sir."

I move to do as I'm told, but his hand reaches out to grab my shoulder, stopping me.

I pause, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Sir?"

"Using your quirk for so long is going to have consequences. I expect this will be similar to our sessions when you first returned from the beach. However, this time I will not be able to focus solely on you. It is your responsibility to monitor and regulate yourself. I expect you to pay attention to your feelings. If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed or the beginnings of a panic attack, you are to stop immediately and practice with your light."

"I don't care how," he adds when I open my mouth. I shut it and pout at his knowing look. "You can make bunny ears or juggle for all I care. If that doesn't help, you are to immediately come and get me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

He squeezes my shoulder, eyes softening.

I wish I could hug him.

I wish he would hug me...

"I won't ask you to do things I don't think you're capable of," he says quietly, his hand moving to my head like he knows what I'm thinking. It runs through my hair reassuringly and I lean into it. "You can do this. Today is about proving it to yourself."

I nod shyly, my chest suddenly warm with some thick emotion. He lets go, looking amused.

"Go get started."

.

.

.

Training alone is harder than I remember.

I'd gotten used to Sensei's presence, his dark eyes and flat expression, and attempting to train without him felt wrong. It felt like I was doing something I wasn't supposed to. Like I was being purposefully bad.

I try to ignore the feeling, summoning the shadows to the surface.

They pour out my skin and slip over my arms like mud. I grimace as they seem more like sludge then shadows.

Strange.

I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Instead I concentrate and form them into poles. I take a deep breath, trying to center myself, and begin to attack.

It's like slapping a wall. The rockface doesn't move. My shadows cling and clank with dull thunks against the dull stone and barely draw scratches. Mainly, they just seem to knock away loose dirt with no real, discernable difference.

I scowl.

Am I that weak?

I glare and attack with more passion.

Several minutes later, I'm sweating, my arms shake, and the wall of rock stares back with no real change. Mina, however, has a hole the size of her body melted from her acid.

In one-on-one combat without quirks, you maybe could take on and win against about two-thirds of your class.

Tears prick my eyes.

Am… Am I this weak?

I concentrate and thicken the shadows, strengthening them so they're stronger, more powerful... more deadly. The end shapes into nails, Mama's nails, and then a sickle, deadly sharp. It looks like the one carried by the grim reaper in that game Shin used to play on the television at nights. Black, smooth, and sharp. I take aim and attack.

The results are just the same, only now the wall has far more scratches with no real damage.

I grind my teeth and the blade burns.

Then I realize what I'm doing and stop.

The shadows unravel at once, inflating into thick, black tentacles the size of my head. They flop about my arms, curling and writhing as if in pain. I suck in a breath and grimace.

You can do this.

Sensei believed in me.

What if he's wrong?

Sensei was never wrong.

I push away the thoughts, feeling the tentacles squirm across the ground and my legs, curling around my shins and crawling towards my torso. Eyes open across their fleshy shapes, hands separating to grab at my arms. The gray suits. They tighten roughly, bitingly, the smell of ashes and death filling the air.

This isn't helping.

I close my eyes and focus again, concentrating as I work to change them into claws. They twist readily, slipping down my arm like water only to pool around my hands and then bubble up around them. This shape is so much easier to maintain. Why? They look monstrous. Thick, leathery black skin pulled over meaty, bulging paws with dangerous, wicked-looking talons. They remind me of the monster movie I once overheard. One of the ones Kagura liked watching, she had liked anything that was disturbing or scary. That one had monsters that lived under beds, monsters that would snatch up children and noisily eat them on screen.

I remember flinching at the sound, remembering the way Kagura laughed and grinned at the screen.

I hadn't looked, far too terrified of what I might find there, but I'd heard the screams and the messy crunch.

My face pales as the claws click.

Was… Was I the monster?

The talons lengthen. Nausea rises in my throat.

You can do this.

I try to ignore the sick feeling in my stomach and attack. Unlike before, the claws tear through the stone like they had the boy's flesh. I can imagine the stench. I can imagine the blood, weeping from some sleeping child's face—from Niko's face. Gory and bubbling, the leathery skin ripped back.

Did he use a knife?

How loud did she scream?

Did Yui-san watch? Did he laugh as he did it?

The thoughts make me sick. The rocks crack and shatter under my onslaught. I shake and tear at it further, slamming melon-sized claws at it. The talons pierce the rockface, my knuckles blister as shards of rock break off and fall scrape against my skin. I attack and attack and-

She was so much stronger than you, and she couldn't do anything.

What makes you think you'll succeed?

He'll be back. He'll find you again, and this time, who is he going to take from you? How many more people are going to die? How many have died for you?

Who else are you going to kill-

I stop.

The shadows disperse and I lean forward into the now human-sized crater, gasping.

And then I cry, struggling to keep my breath even and low so no one will overhear. I feel their eyes, I feel so many eyes, so much so that I just want to bury myself in the Earth and hide. I want to tear at my throat, if only to make it stop, to unstop the emotions seemingly lodged there. I want to scream.

Why am I so weak?

Gravel crunches and I cringe at the thought of Sensei appearing behind me.

At the idea of him seeing my failure

You can do this.

Clearly I can't.

Don't worry, he's busy.

I nearly jump out of my skin at the familiar voice suddenly in my head. I spin, eyes wet and wide and arms rising defensively. Ready to fight. What is that? How did you- Who are you? Why are you in my-

The brown-haired cat-woman from before stands there and smiles.

"How did you-"

It's my quirk, dear. Telepathy. You've got some loud thoughts in that head of yours. I could hear them all the way across the clearing.

I flinch.

She… She heard-

She saw-

The heroine smile falters.

"You project your thoughts into your quirk," the cat woman says aloud, and she moves forward with a stalking grace. I have no idea what her name is though- "Mandalay. It's fine, I knew you weren't listening earlier. Anyways, it's a little hard to concentrate with your mind screaming out pictures of mutilated children. I can hear you clear across the clearing. Have you talked to anyone about that?"

I suck in a breath.

My arms shake.

She saw-

She saw-

"Hey, hey. Don't- Oh, you know what, I heard you have a kitten!"

I twitch, startled at the sudden topic change. The woman grins and throws out her paws and fans them, somehow managing to come off as goofy.

"I love kittens! If you couldn't tell, hah! Why don't you tell me their name?"

I shiver.

"M-Miska."

"Oh, I love it! He must be such an adorable kitten!"

"She," I correct automatically.

The woman blinks and then laughs. She paws at the air again before striking a pose. Unlike Midnight's, poses, Mandalay doesn't stick her chest out or pout her lip, she looks… she looks more like Miska. I breathe deeply.

"Too cute! Does she do all the silly things that kittens do? Does she roll over onto her back and paw at the sky? Does she run and pounce on all the little things that move? Is she a screamer? Oh, I had a cat once that would talk to me every morning as I got dressed. He just couldn't help himself! I had one that thought he was a dog too."

"A… A dog?" I ask, eyebrows furrowing even as my shoulders relax.

"Oh yes! His name was Copper, he would give the best hugs and nuzzle your face. He was being kept in an outdoor cage when I rescued him. He'd climb the walls and instead of meowing, he'd go 'berow row, berow row!'"

I crack a smile at her imitation, a soft glow slowly starting to dusk my skin.

The cat woman, Mandalay, grins in triumph.

"Wow! So that's the glow he was talking about. I like it!"

I blush.

"H-He?"

"Eraserhead," she says with a rather overdone wink. "I hear you can make forms with this one too, why don't you try it?"

I hesitate.

"I… I can't fight with it though."

The cat woman smiles encouragingly.

"Oh darling, hero work isn't always about destruction and tearing things up! Sometimes you just need to know how to comfort people! When children get stuck in a landslide and are all scared, you have to be able to help them keep calm, so they don't hurt themselves! This looks perfect for that. Come on, give it a try, show me something to make me smile!"

I swallow, nervous, and then, glancing at her costume, shyly call the cat ears up.

Mandalay squeals.

"Oh, that is the cutest! What about a tail, can you make a tail?"

I do. It's the same length as hers, but instead of the brown color, mine glows with a golden light.

"What about paws?" she asks excitedly, gesturing me to put out my hands.

I frown. I've never tried that.

She seems to realize it.

She steps closer and holds out her own gloved hands. They look like Miska's, just bigger and, well, gloves. I concentrate and try to imitate the shape. It isn't that difficult. They form, looking like a cross between both.

The cat-woman laughs, and it draws the attention of several students. Sensei glances our way and frowns. My glow dims.

Is he disappointed?

I shake off the powers and bow politely.

"Ah… Thank you," I mumble. "I… I need to get back to work."

"You need to be careful as well," Mandalay chastises, her expression changing to concern. "It's not healthy to dwell on such dark thoughts. Don't delve so deeply without someone to support you. It's not safe."

I frown, furrowing my eyebrows.

"What… What do you mean?"

The cat woman tilts her head, crossing one arm over her chest and the other lifting to tap against her chin. She looks thoughtful.

"Your powers are your emotions, right?" she asks.

I nod.

What does that have to do with anything?

"You can think about your sadness like a pool of water. If you delve too deeply without taking the right precautions, you could swallow water or choke. Worst case, if the water's too deep, you could drown. Instead stay on the surface. What you've been over here doing is splashing around until you found the deepest spots."

I flush.

It's not a very difficult analogy.

Just the memory of the ocean and its black depths that stretch on forever… I shiver.

Mandalay claps, breaking me from my thoughts.

"You're quite empathetic, and that isn't a bad thing! Just be more careful from now on. And maybe considering talking to someone about those things. You'd feel a lot better if you got it off your chest. Anyways, as for your training, when you feel yourself slipping in too deep, think of things that make you happy! Like your kitten or your friends!" She grins and pats my head. I flush and back away, embarrassed at such an open display. It only makes her smile bigger. "Alright, back to work you!"

I turn back to the stone and, with one final glance at the cat woman now prancing off to speak with Kyoka, summon my shadows. They curl and fold around my arms before becoming claws. I very deliberately don't look at them.

.

.

.

I only spend an hour and a half banging my shadows against the stone, but it feels like far, far longer. It feels like years, especially with the way Mandalay hovers and watches me and seems to interject into my head continuously. She keeps stopping me as well. Any time I put any decent amount of power behind the shadows, she's there in an instant, her pawed hand waving obnoxiously in the air. What began as appreciation quickly dissolves into annoyance, and I glower at the tenth interruption.

Time to glow, kitten.

"I'm fine," I snarl at her, eye twitching.

Sensei, having moved closer to offer Kirishima and Tail some advice, twitches.

Ugh, she's going to get me in trouble!

"Oh no dear, you'll do that all on your own. Glow break."

I grit my teeth.

"Why?" I snap. "I haven't done anything wrong! Why do you keep bothering me!"

Sensei's head twists towards me and his eyes narrow. It's a warning. I can see it in his face. Mina and Kyoka, now used to these constant stops, don't even break stride. They stare forward purposely, and I have the sneaking suspicion that even though they aren't looking, they're listening. I'm also fairly sure they're as sick of this as I am.

They're not, they're concerned that you're so wound up. Kitten, can you not feel how these emotions affect your body? And, just to be clear, I stopped you because you were blaming yourself for hurting those cashiers. That wasn't your fault-

"Get out of my head," I interrupt furiously.

"Rin," Sensei growls.

I grind my teeth and want to snatch out my hair. I want to scratch up her face.

"Look what you did-"

"Control yourself now," he snaps, leaving Kirishima and Tail to stalk towards me. Neither return to their spar, instead watching wide-eyed as Sensei moves towards me. I bar my teeth.

"Tell her to stay out of my fucking head!"

His jaw ticks. Beside me, I can see Mina stop, her mouth dropping. Kyoka's face turns towards us, wide-eyed.

"You are causing a spectacle. Go take a walk."

I glare.

He doesn't care.

"You just want me to quit!" I growl at him, stomping my foot. Fire blisters under it, a black flame that flares to my knee and disappears.

His eyes burn red. His hair swirls above his head.

He crosses the space between us in seconds, his hand reaching out and capturing my arm. He drags me into his chest. Leaning so far forward I can feel the heat of his breath against my ear, the strong scent of detergent filling my nose.

Safe...

"This is your warning," he hisses, low enough only I can hear. "You will stop now and take a walk, or there will be consequences. There are only ten minutes left-"

"Ten minutes!" I snap, eyes going wide.

Any comfort disappears as I shove away and shoot the cat-woman a scathing look. Sensei growls, releasing me.

"Walk. Now."

I want nothing more than to throw him the finger. To fight. I want to wrap him up in tentacles. I want to scream. I imagine it all defiantly in my head, my hands balling into a fist. I don't know if that stupid woman is in my head again or he can just see it on my face, but his nostrils flare.

I spin on my heels and leave, humiliated and furious and- and-

You can do this.

Obviously not!

I kick rocks and leaves as I walk, glaring and snarling until the sounds of my classmates' training doesn't quite ring in my ears. And when I get far enough out, I growl and release my shadows and rip out several trees.

I toss them in a pile and crush them beneath my claws.

The flames come far too quickly.

I incinerate everything within 10 meters including a nearby outcropping of rock the size of a school desk. It glows and smokes under the black, fire-less flame, much like everything else. And I should probably should have been scared, but I'm not. I smother it in a blanket of shadows—in an ocean of them. They swirl and crest with waves, rising in a circling eddy until they spin into a storm. They split off, twist into twin plumes and the sun, barely on the horizon, disappears beneath the thick cloud of shadows in the sky. The nightmarish sky rain dust and ashes, claws and gnashing teeth.

A masked man appears in the shape, a bloody knife, a falling trunk.

Then they disappear.

"I expected you to calm down, not throw a tantrum."

I turn and glare as Eraserhead steps into the newly formed clearing. His gaze sweeps across the blackened earth, the destroyed trees, and the still-glowing rock with barely contained disdain.

"Leave me alone!"

"No."

I bar my teeth and turn to walk off, but his capture weapon is around me in seconds.

"Rin, I told you no."

"I don't care what you have to say!" I shout at him. He glowers. "You're a liar! You just want me to fail! Let me go! Let me- Let me- Let-"

I choke and splutter as the panic starts to rise. I fight against the bonds, twisting and jerking as they tighten on my skin.

"And there it goes," he growls, yanking the cloth and dragging me to him. I want to scream as my emotions curl and scratch at my insides, as my lungs suddenly can't take in air—as I cry. I hate crying! He reaches out, the capture weapon coming loose and his hand tightening, steady on my shoulder as he forces me to squat. His other hand presses against my head, pushing it forward. "Breathe."

I splutter and resist.

His grip is like iron.

"N-N-N-N-"

"Rin," he growls.

I take a shuddering breath, glaring at his blurry boots.

"Ten of them," he says gruffly.

I take two.

"L-L-Leave-"

"Eight more," he interrupts, fingers pressing into my shoulder. "We're not discussing anything until you're calm."

Discuss…

"I d-d-don't w-w-wanna-"

He snorts, cutting me off again. When he taps his fingers on my head, I reluctantly suck in two more, and the hand on my head starts sweeping through my hair. It's calming. I want to shake it off. I want to shove him away. I want to lean into it. I want a hug.

"Five more," he says instead.

I take two. His hand, even in my hair, still won't let me up.

"Three," he chides, but there's less annoyance in it. "Rin, stop being defiant, and just do what you're told."

I suck in three breaths and shove away. He lets me, still squatting while I stumble and fall and scramble to my feet now covered in ashes. He raises an eyebrow before casually rising to his feet. He shoves his hands in his pockets and stares, expression bored.

When he says nothing for a long moment, I cross my arms and scowl. When this continues, I frown. And when he almost lazily, reaches up to scratches his chin, I realize with sudden clarity he's not paying attention. Glazed eyes, a far off look...

He's talking to Mandalay.

My anger flares. Smoke curls from my skin. I turn to leave-

I don't need him anyway!

"Do not."

I snarl and spin, glaring as his eyes clear and he frowns back at me.

"Leave me alone! Just go back and talk to that stupid cat lady! I don't need her help! I don't need your help-"

"Rin, stop yelling. We'll discuss it when you're calm."

"I'm never going to be calm!" I shout at him, hands balling at my side. "I hate you!"

He doesn't even flinch.

He doesn't care.

The thought rings in my head, in my chest like a hollow bell.

"You are being dramatic," he says flatly. "Do you need a hug?"

Yes.

"Not from you!"

He sighs, rubbing his face, and I hate it. I hate him!

"Why are you so angry?"

"Because of you!"

His lips thin.

"You will stop this yelling. I do not shout at you, and you will not shout back. That is not how people resolve differences."

I bar my teeth at him, and his eyes narrow.

"Why don't you just have that stupid woman read my brain-" I sneer, furious at the tremble in my voice.

"That is enough. Stop insulting people," he cuts me off, eyes narrowing. "She is concerned, as am I. The things you are doing with your quirk are unhealthy. You are meditating on negative experiences to build your own fear. This cannot and will not continue."

I suck in a sharp breath.

"You just don't want me here!" I growl. "You- You- You don't really care!"

"You're being ridiculous. You are still here, are you not? If I were sending you home, you would be gone. If anything, I am being incredibly lenient. You are hurting yourself-"

"I am not!" I snarl. I thrust out my arms. "I didn't pinch or scratch-"

Sensei reaches out and grabs one, and my entire body flinches as he does. His expression darkens. I try to pull away, but he doesn't let me. His hand, gentle but firm, lifts my fist to his face. And now, I know he can feel the shaking in my limbs. I hate it! I hate the way he looks, the way he's acting!

"Why do you think I'm trying to send you home?" he asks flatly, his expression shifting again as he dusts rock shards from my bruised and bloodied knuckles. I startle, not expecting this… this kindness. I don't know how to react—uncertain as the shaking emotion twitches under my skin.

"I- You- She keeps stopping me!"

"Yes, which is what you were supposed to do," he says calmly, he releases my wrist. "Other hand."

I give it to him on instinct, he captures it by the wrist and frowns before brushing away the dirt and rocks there too.

Why?

What is he doing?

Why is he…

"Nobody else is stopping!" I growl, feeling my anger slip in the fact of his kindness. "Everybody else is going all out and you're—she's making me quit! She keeps stopping me over and over and I was fine! I could have kept-"

"This is not fine," Sensei says, interrupting. His face remains unmoved, and he drops my hand. "You've lost control, worked yourself into a panic, and have spent the last five minutes screaming at me. This is the exact opposite of fine. This is what I asked you to prevent."

"I- I wouldn't have if she'd just left me alone! I was training-"

"Rin," he cuts me off again and I glare, feeling the spark of heat return. Just let me talk! He doesn't look happy. "What you are doing isn't training. You are tormenting yourself. You are forcing yourself to relive moments that terrify you to make your shadows stronger. That is unacceptable."

"I'm not- It- It's not torment!"

"Is Mandalay lying? Have you not been perseverating on gory wounds, your siblings being forcibly removed, and wrapping cashiers in tentacles until they squirm?"

My eyes fill with tears and my hands shake.

I feel betrayed.

"I… Yes, but-"

"Then it is torment," he says sharply, not even bothering to listen. "You will cease doing so at once."

I snarl as flames scorch beneath my skin. Smoke escapes my control, spilling out my fists.

"Why are you being so mean!" I snap. His eyebrows furrow and I angrily swipe at my eyes and the stupid tears there. "I'm not doing anything different than what I've always done! You just- You just want me to fail!"

His expression twists into annoyance.

"Do you want to spend the next hour writing about how to be respectful?"

I flinch.

"Wha- n-no!"

"Then control yourself," he growls. "I do not have the time to spend 30 minutes out here working through your trust issues when there are 19 other students that need my attention. Pull yourself together and behave like a student or go home and behave like a child. I have no interest in making you fail. My job right now is to help you develop the skill you will need to survive in this career. What you are doing is not acceptable by any standard and it will stop. Period. If you want reasons, we can discuss it at lunch, but you will cease these hysterics now."

My mouth opens and I snap it close, a deep well of hurt rising in my chest.

Like a child...

Hysterics…

"You will apologize to Mandalay. And in the future, when she tells you to stop, you will stop. Am I understood?"

I draw a furious, strangled breath through my nose, lips pursed and teeth clenched. The tears spill over regardless of my wishes, and I swipe angrily at them again. Furious at being so weak, at being so stupid.

He never cared.

"Crystal," I grind out.

I hate you.

He doesn't look convinced. His jaw twitches.

"If I have to pull you aside like this again-"

"You won't," I snap, glaring. "Are we done?"

He looks like he wants to shake me. I wait defiantly for him to do it, to prove me right.

They always leave.

It's all your fault.

But he turns around.

"Yes. Apologize to Mandalay and drink water. You're to join Tiger for physical training."

I say nothing and follow him back to the others.

.

.

.

Sensei watches me apologize from a distance. I don't care. I shove my hands in my pocket and walk up to the cat woman even as she's speaking to Momo and some guy with large lips and even larger muscles. Both twitch uncomfortably at my presence, but neither says a thing.

"Hello Kitten," Mandalay says when she finishes, turning in my direction. "Can I help you?"

Fuck you and your stupid nicknames, I think nastily. And stay out of my head.

Her eye twitches.

"I think you've spent a little too much time around that Bakugou child," she says displeased.

"I apologize for whatever I did earlier."

Momo frowns. Muscles chokes. I spare neither of them a second glance.

Mandalay scowls, expression twisting into annoyance. Good.

I turn and leave, well aware Sensei is probably glaring at my back. I don't care. I don't care about him or these stupid cats or these dumb classmates. I never cared before and I was fine. I don't need them or their stupid help.

I was fine before.

But were you? Asks a soft voice. I glare at the brunette even as I make my way towards the weird cat man. I concentrate and imagine the biggest turd I can imagine and hope she can taste it. She splutters and I ignore her. Instead, I stand on the outside of the circle of people now surrounding Tiger-Cat-Man. He's even bigger up close. Thick muscles that bulge from his arms and a cat-like face. He grins excitedly, poses, and flexes.

I hate him instantly.

"Alright, power types, we're going to practice our hand to hand without quirks and spar!"

I get paired with Midoriya.

He looks nervous, chewing his lip and darting eyes between me and Sensei like he's trying to understand.

It makes me want to kick him in the shin.

Like a child...

I don't.

"H-Hoki-chan, uh… hey!"

"Hi," I respond flatly as we step towards our designated area of the clearing. Once we're far enough from the others, I stop and slip into my stance. Midoriya swallows, looking clearly like he wants to have some sort of discussion. Maybe a stupid heart-to-heart. I glower, annoyed when he doesn't immediately take his position as well.

What are you waiting for?

"Uh, how do you want to-"

"Whoever taps," I answer shortly. "Are you going to stand there or fight?"

He flinches. I wait. He shakes his head and moves into a form I've seen in our training millions of times. He looks unbalanced. He look like a good strike to his right side will topple him over.

I should probably tell him.

I take off, racing forward instead. His eyes narrow and I can see the moment he stops being stupid and starts analyzing.

Tactical.

Deadly.

I launch a foot at the weakness, kicking towards his right side. He throws up his arm, probably intending to catch it, but bucks under the weight. It tosses him forward like I thought, and he hits the dirt. I pounce, slamming my knee into his lower back, grab one arm to pin behind him, and curl the other in his green hair, forcing him face-first in the dirt.

It's soft, if sweaty.

He turns red and chokes.

Behind me, I think I can hear Kirishima swearing.

"Tap?" I growl.

"Y-Yes!" he squeaks. I shove off of him and return to my original position to wait.

Shinsou would have glared and said a bunch of junk about not getting cocky, but Midoriya doesn't. He seems more dazed than anything, mumbling under his breath as he climbs to his feet.

I wait for him to find his stance, it's too wide. It's like he hasn't learned anything.

"Are… um… Ready?"

I nod and he hesitates.

I don't.

I fling myself forward, covering the ground with as much speed as I can. I go for that same side again, and this time, he dodges back. The wind snaps off my right leg and barely misses his nose. I don't try to correct the movement. Instead, I let the momentum carry me forward and push my body weight there. My left leg snaps towards his face only a second later, moving just as fast and just as hard. He doesn't catch this one either, ducks under it with a wild expression.

Like Shinsou does.

Except, unlike Shinsou, he doesn't know to cover his face.

My hand slaps against his cheek, open palm and ringing. His head snaps sideways, he shouts, and I take the distraction to dig my knee into his stomach.

He falls forward, dropping to my feet like a heavy sack of potatoes.

I knock him sideways to the grass as he gasps.

"Stop playing around," I growl at him, furious that he's letting me win.

"Oh ho! What's this? A feisty one, eh?"

I look up as the man cat in a skirt is there, jumping up and down as if in glee. He looks ridiculous.

I glare.

"Hit me!" he shouts. I do, gladly. I punch at his stomach, and he dodges faster than lightening. He makes a return swipe and I see it coming. My arm, the one I use to block, takes the brunt. It's like taking Yamada-sensei's angry hit. I dig my heels in and slide back several feet. He grins. "Oh! Good reflexes!"

Then he increases his speed, faster than I can keep up with, and he kicks me into a tree.

My breath catches in my throat, my lungs burning for air, and the cat man grins, looking somehow both manic and terrifying.

Like a hero.

"Awe, stop playing around girl. You want to be a hero? Well, you better be ready to go plus ultra! Break past these chains and-"

He cuts off as I drag my feet under me, breath still lost somewhere in my chest, and attack again.

He slaps me out of the air. One massive paw slamming into my back as I hit the Earth in front of his feet.

I taste grass and blood. Licking my lip, I can feel the split. It hurts. I can feel the aches in my bones. I can feel the fear and the anger and the hot thick emotions swirling under the surface. It feels like it always did.

Like it used to.

"That's the spirit! Now get back up and tear those muscles apart!"

I breathe, pick up my head, and look at Midoriya. He's standing now, dragging his fist across his mouth and looking determined. Gone is the ridiculousness from earlier, and I'm glad. He takes up his stance and waits.

Still too wide.

I catch my breath and rise as well. When I run my hand across my mouth, it comes back bloody. I spit, glower, and shift into my stance.

And then, grinding my teeth, I run.