A/N: Trigger warning: brief mention of suicide.
"I can see it now," Anakin said. "Another long, boring debate."
"Would you rather they call you in to train younglings?" Ahsoka asked.
Anakin laughed. "Are you crazy?"
Blaster fire shot between Anakin and Obi-Wan. Anakin bolted left with Ahsoka, crouching behind a row of crates. Obi-Wan ran right, hiding behind another set of crates.
Anakin's heart pounded, his mouth dry. It was time. Any moment now, he'd see Obi-Wan fake die. It was all on him to sell his death. If Anakin didn't pull his grief off properly, no one would believe Obi-Wan was really dead.
"Any idea where that shot came from?" Obi-Wan asked.
Ahsoka pointed to the roof of a building behind them. "A sniper. I see him up there."
"All right, here's the plan," Obi-Wan said. "Anakin, you flank him on the right. Ahsoka, you cover the lower streets. I'm going after him."
Anakin nodded. Hopefully Obi-Wan's protective vest wouldn't fail and the medicine he'd taken to fake death wouldn't actually kill him or kick in too soon. "Be careful, Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan seemed to sigh, but why? "Of course, Anakin. You too." He activated his lightsaber.
Anakin and Ahsoka did as well, and they all took off running. Anakin leaped up a building on the right, Obi-Wan on the left. Ahsoka ran on the street below.
Anakin locked eyes with Obi-Wan from across the buildings and nodded at him. Obi-Wan nodded back. They ran together after the shooter. After a minute or so, Anakin lost sight of the shooter. He activated his comm. "Obi-Wan, I can't see him anymore. I assume you're in position?"
"Anakin, you don't know anything. Remember that. You don't know anything," Obi-Wan emphasized.
Anakin rolled his eyes. "Of course, Master. I do know how to act, you know. Have a little faith."
"I have little doubt you'll try your best, padawan mine," Obi-Wan said.
"Not a padawan anymore," Anakin said, and deactivated his comm.
Anakin curled his hands into fists as Obi-Wan stepped out solemnly into the shooter's range. A blast sank into Obi-Wan's shoulder. He toppled off the building backwards, crashing into something at the bottom.
Anakin winced instinctively. "Obi-Wan!"
"I got him. Go!" Ahsoka shouted.
Anakin turned and leaped after the shooter. Much as he would like to, he couldn't catch the man that had tried to kill Obi-Wan. No, Anakin had to deliberately fail at catching this guy so Obi-Wan could take his place after his funeral. Let's see, how could Anakin plausibly fail at catching this guy?
Anakin faked a trip, falling flat on his face. He picked himself up and exaggerated a limp. "Oh no, my ankle. I'm falling behind." He froze as the shooter climbed onto a speeder bike and zoomed off, throwing a smoke bomb behind him at Anakin.
Anakin stood there waving the smoke away until the shooter disappeared, then turned and ran limp-less to Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan lay on the ground convincingly limp. If Anakin couldn't just barely feel him, he would be fooled too. Ahsoka cradled Obi-Wan in her arms.
Anakin skidded to a stop. "Oh no. He looks terribly injured. Ahsoka, my padawan, how is our beloved master?"
Ahsoka glanced up, tears pooling in her eyes.
Anakin knelt at Obi-Wan's side and shook him by the shoulders. "Do not leave me, beloved master. Obi-Wan, don't be injured. I forbid you to die! You must live! Don't leave me!"
"Master, he…he's gone." Ahsoka's voice broke.
"No!" Anakin buried his face in Obi-Wan's robes and whipped up some loud fake sobs. "Obi-Wan, my brother! We were meant to perish together." He gingerly picked up Obi-Wan's warm hand, squeezing it in his own. "You were my only friend, the only family I had left. Farewell, Obi-Wan Kenobi. I shall never forgive the miscreant who has stolen your life in its very prime." He bent his head down and let out some more fake sobs.
He could feel Ahsoka's eyes trained on him. "Master, are you feeling all right?"
"How could you say that?" Anakin cried. He pulled Obi-Wan's limp body closer to him, cradling his undead master on his lap. "My master is on the very precipice of death and you question my health? Of course I am not all right. Obi-Wan is dead." He sobbed loudly and touched Obi-Wan's cheek. "His flesh is growing cold in my arms as we speak." He sniffed loudly. Ahsoka had to see his distress and believe it.
Ahsoka wiped her eyes and stood up, hailing emergency services.
Anakin smiled. "We did it, master," he whispered, even though Obi-Wan was unconscious and couldn't hear him. "I convinced everyone."
Eventually, med droids came and declared Obi-Wan dead. They lifted his body up and prepared to shove him into the hoverambulance.
Anakin faked sobs. "Don't take him from me!" He flailed, pushing the med droids halfheartedly. "He's my master. You can't steal him!"
Ahsoka held him back, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Master, let them do their jobs."
Anakin wrapped Ahsoka in a tight hug, faking loud, dramatic sobs. "Obi-Wan is dead!" he wailed.
Ahsoka burst into sobs.
Anakin immediately snapped out of his dramatic acting. He gentled his hug, rubbing Ahsoka's back. Ahsoka clung to him tightly. "It'll be all right, little one," he whispered.
Ahsoka just cried harder.
Once they reached the Temple, Anakin let Ahsoka cry in Plo Koon's arms. He trailed after Obi-Wan's body as they prepared his fake corpse for the funeral. It took hours, but he made sure to stick close by and give dramatic sobs as often as he could. The other Jedi contacted Obi-Wan's non-Jedi friends for the funeral, but Anakin knew he needed to tell Padmé himself. Obi-Wan had told him at least five times that under no circumstances should Anakin tell Padmé the truth, no matter what, but Anakin wasn't a little kid. He could handle it.
He ducked into a private room. He commed Padmé, clearing his throat as she picked up. All the sobbing was straining his voice.
"Padmé, I have terrible news," Anakin said. "Prepare yourself, for it is tragic. Obi-Wan has been taken from us by a horrid sniper man."
Padmé shook her head, blinking. "What?"
"Obi-Wan's dead," Anakin said, bluntly. "I am very distraught."
Padmé frowned. "Ani, what's going on?"
"I told you, Obi-Wan's dead." Maybe Padmé needed some tears to be convinced. Anakin should whip up some. But how? He tossed the comm to the far wall and punched himself in the nose. There. His nose smarted, but automatic tears had sprung to his eyes.
"Why are you hitting yourself?" Padmé cried.
Anakin froze. "Uh… I'm so distressed I can't help but hit myself, my love." To back up his words, he punched himself in the face a few more times.
"Ani, stop!" Padmé stretched out her hand. "I…I'm on my way. Don't go anywhere."
"I won't, my love," Anakin said.
By the time Padmé showed up to the Temple, Anakin had given so many dramatic sobs he had lost his voice.
It was a shame, too. He'd had such a nice speech planned for the funeral. All about their years together and how much Obi-Wan meant to him and how Anakin was so torn up over Obi-Wan's death and how he'd never forgive the man who'd killed him. He was going to fall to his knees in despair and threaten to activate his lightsaber in his own chest due to grief.
Oh well. Next time.
Bonus:
"You look troubled, Anakin," Palpatine said.
"Of course I'm troubled. Obi-Wan is dead, his murderer is free to roam, and I?" Anakin paused. "I am forbidden to act!" He stood up, curling his hands into fists, then flinging them wildly into the air. "It's not fair!"
"It is possible that they do not trust you to control your feelings," Palpatine said carefully.
"My feelings? My feelings?" Anakin whipped up some tears. He was getting quite good at that. "How can I control my feelings? Obi-Wan is dead!" he wailed.
Palpatine stood up and slowly walked to Anakin's side. "I have it from a reliable source that the fugitives were last headed towards Nal Hutta. You cannot deny your feelings, Anakin. They are what make you special." He turned and stepped close to Anakin, head near his ear. "If you believe you can stop this plot against me, I trust you."
Anakin let more fake tears roll down his face. "I…I can't interfere. Obi-Wan would be so disappointed." And he couldn't mess with Obi-Wan's plan. "But it means a lot that you believe in me, Chancellor." He wrapped Palpatine in a tight hug, buried his wet face in his elaborate robes, and sobbed loudly. "I miss him so mu…hu….huch! Obi-Wan is amazing! I've lost my very best friend!"
"Uh…oh." Palpatine flailed, then patted Anakin on the back. "There…there. It's…going to be…all right."
Anakin dropped Palpatine on his feet, then sniffed and wiped his tears away. "Thanks, Chancellor. It means a lot." He bounced out of his office. "See you later!"
"Uh, wait!" Palpatine called.
But Anakin ignored him. He had a Jedi Temple to spread his fake misery through. Fake sobs, dramatic speeches, and over-the-top gestures of grief, here he came! After all, it was the least he could do for his best friend.
He was such a good actor.
A/N: Poor Ahsoka is so confused. Padme knows what's up but decides not to press Anakin to divulge his lies. Palpatine hisses at being shown affection like the Sith Lord he is.
Once Obi-Wan turns back up on Naboo, he receives a big hug from Anakin and a "Look at what a good job I did, Master! Aren't you so proud of me?"
Less discerning Jedi are puzzled when Obi-Wan isn't actually dead and Anakin abruptly snaps out of his dramatic displays of grief.
Mace has no idea how they managed to pull it off with Anakin acting the way he did. Skywalkers.