I never thought it would happen.
Despite being constantly surrounded by walking corpses, I'd held onto to the firm belief that he and I would make it to the end together. Deep down I knew my parents were gone, and I'd even started seeing him as a father after a while. His rumbling voice was so soothing whenever I was on the verge of giving up and begging to just be left behind. Sometimes it was hard not to cling to him.
I wish everything could have been different.
When I pulled that trigger it felt like the world had officially ended. No zombies needed. Just having to kill someone I cared about was all it took. I couldn't even bear to look. How could I watch his brains splatter against the wall as he fell limply to his side? Like it was some gory slasher my parents would never have allowed me to watch. My hands shook so violently I was certain I'd kill myself instead.
I almost wished I had.
The worst part was the numbness that followed. In a weird way, it was almost welcome because it helped me to cope with the aftermath of something so disturbing. It finally hit me that killing someone is as easy as pie. All it takes is a single bullet and the light leaves their eyes...forever.
There are times I almost expect to see Lee when I travel from place to place, as though he'll just magically show up again like Kenny did. I hate that stubborn hope that refuses to die. It's like a part of me is still that naive child who believes in unicorns and fairy tales.
I hate to complain, but it does feel like I'm now left with an endlessly recycling bunch of bickering jerks who never stop moaning about where to take shelter, where to get food, who could have been bitten, where to go next…
It. Never. Ends.
I just wish I could hear his voice, even in my dreams, calling me sweet pea and telling me there is a rainbow at the end of this unrelenting downpour. I just...I just wish I told him he was even nicer to me than my dad was.
...That I almost wished he was my dad.