A/N: See Chapter 1 for Disclaimer.
Chapter Summary: When George and his mother attend a support group meeting with Louise, Mark, and Leah, and they hear Louise speak candidly about her struggles as a survivor of rape, they are heartbroken.
Chapter 8: Like Mother, Like Son
The months of September and October flew by at lightning speed, and before Louise knew it, it was Thanksgiving. Ever since Louise had moved out of Mark's house, they had agreed that they would spend Thanksgiving and Christmas at Mark's house one year and then they would spend the holidays at Louise's apartment the next. Last year, Louise, Melissa, and Angie had enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas at Mark's house with Mark and Estelle, so this year, they all spent the holidays at Louise's apartment with her and the girls. George easily could have gone to Texas to spend Thanksgiving with his son and daughter-in-law, but he really wanted to be in Haven Lake for the holidays this year, so naturally, Louise invited George to her place for Thanksgiving as well. And of course, he gratefully accepted her invitation.
Everyone had a wonderful time at Louise's apartment that Thanksgiving Day, but when Mark came by to visit Louise two days later on Saturday, he started getting concerned because he could tell that she really seemed tired and stressed.
"Louise, I can tell that something's wrong. You're just not yourself. What's going on?" Mark asked her that Saturday morning. Louise had taken Melissa and Angie over to Leah's daughter Suzanne's house the night before because they were spending the weekend with Leah's granddaughters, Cindy and Kimmy. With the girls gone, Mark had the perfect opportunity to really talk with Louise and find out what it was that was making her so frazzled here lately.
"It's not any one thing in particular, Mark," Louise replied. "It's a bunch of things. You always say that I can take a dollar and make it stretch for ten miles."
"That's true. You can make a dollar stretch for ten miles. It's a gift."
"Well maybe so, but not even I can make all my dollars stretch as far as I need them to sometimes. It's not always easy coming up with all the money I need to pay for Melissa's tutor and her counseling sessions with the psychologist. On top of that, I have to make payments on my specialized van every month, which can be pretty expensive. And it doesn't exactly help that I had to go into the hospital back in August and had to pay for the mechanic to repair my van in September. And let's not forget my biggest financial worry of all: putting enough money away to pay for Melissa and Angie to go to college someday. And because I need some extra money right now, I'm doing a little moonlighting over at Ballard's. I'm playing the piano there now." A mutual friend of Louise's and Mark's, Joseph Ballard, owned a rather fancy little bar and restaurant in Boston, and he usually liked to employ a piano player to entertain his customers.
"Oh yeah, Joseph told me a while back that his piano player suddenly quit."
"Mm-hmm. And Joseph's hired me to replace him on weekends. From six to eleven every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night, I play the piano at Ballard's. Joseph pays me very well, and thankfully, many of his regular customers are very generous tippers. Holding down a second job can get stressful, but at the end of the day, if it'll help me get all my bills paid and help me put my girls through college, it's more than worth it."
"Now Louise, you don't have to put yourself through all of this. You know that whenever you need money, you can always come to me."
Louise knowingly smiled and said, "We've been through this before, Mark. You know how much I appreciate everything you've done for me over the years, but I can't lean on you anymore like I used to. It's important to me that I take care of these problems on my own. It's important that I be as independent as possible because I want to be an example to Melissa and Angie. It's important that my girls learn how to take care of life's problems on their own because life on earth is very unpredictable. Anything could happen to any of us at any time, and Melissa and Angie may not always have me or you around to help them after they reach adulthood."
"I understand your point, Louise, and I know you're right. As you've told me yourself, your girls are naturally going to look to you to teach them how to be women someday, just as boys look to their fathers to teach them how to be men. And I know you don't want to teach Melissa and Angie to always look to men to solve their problems. I understand where you're coming from, and I know that if I were in your shoes, I'd be the same way. I just worry about you. Your poor body has been through so much, Louise. I know how important it is to you to try to be all tough and strong and independent, but you can't always hold yourself to the same standards that you would hold an able-bodied person to. I know how much you hate to hear this, Louise, but it's just a cold, hard fact that your health is fragile, and if you push yourself too hard, it could be dangerous for you. Very dangerous."
"Don't worry, Mark. I know that I'm not in perfect health and I know I've been tired and stressed here lately, but I assure you that I can handle it. I'll be fine. Things have just been really hectic lately. In addition to my financial issues, we just had Thanksgiving a couple of days ago. And Heather and her husband Jeremy just had their baby a week ago, so now Frank and I have to do all the work Heather usually does until she comes back from maternity leave in six weeks."
"Oh yeah, that's right. I remember hearing that Heather finally had her baby. She had a boy, didn't she?"
"That's right. She had a baby boy and she and Jeremy have named him Paul after Heather's grandfather."
"That's sweet," Mark said with a smile.
"He looks just like his mother, too. You can take one look at that baby and tell that he is definitely Heather's child."
"Like mother, like son, I guess," said Mark.
"Yeah," Louise agreed. She then said, "You know, speaking of mothers and sons, George's mother, Olivia Jefferson, is in town now."
"Is that right?"
"Yes. She's staying with him over at the B&B for the next few days. As a matter of fact, I met her yesterday when George brought her over to the bakery. She seems like a very sweet lady."
"Well she can't be that sweet. I mean, after all, she is responsible for bringing George Jefferson into the world," Mark teased.
"Ha, ha, Mark. Very funny. Well look, I talked with George and his mother for quite a long time yesterday and I ended up inviting both of them to come to our support group meeting this afternoon. So you just behave yourself and be nice to them when they arrive," Louise playfully scolded, wagging her finger at Mark.
Mark laughed, and then he told Louise, "Don't worry. I'll be nice. I'll be a good little boy."
Again, Louise laughed at her best friend's goofiness, and then she started preparing for the meeting, doing some last-minute cleaning around her apartment, setting up extra folding chairs, and getting some snacks ready for everyone, and naturally, Mark helped her with everything.
"Oh Louise, thank you so much for letting us meet in your apartment today," Leah told her. Leah was sitting on Louise's couch beside Mark, and two other ladies from the support group were also sitting on the other side of the couch. George sat in one of the living chairs, and Mother Jefferson sat in the other one across the coffee table from him. Several other women in the support group were also sitting in the folding chairs Mark had set up for everyone, and of course, Louise was sitting in her wheelchair next to the couch.
"Don't mention it," Louise said with a kind smile.
"You all know that since my divorce, I've decided to start over in a new apartment on the outskirts of Haven Lake, so I'm in the process of moving right now."
"You know, Leah, that dumb ex-husband of yours really blows my mind," said Mark. "Leaving a brilliant, beautiful lady like you for another woman. I can't believe it." It was then that Louise began to notice that there really seemed to be some sparks flying between Mark and Leah, at least on Mark's side, anyway, and she wondered how it was that she'd never noticed it before. She couldn't say for certain, but she was beginning to get the feeling that maybe Mark actually did have a crush on Leah.
Leah then said, "Believe it, Mark. Men start going through their mid-life crises and they think they have to leave their wives and have a hot, twenty-something girlfriend in order to stay young. It happens all the time."
"Oh, mid-life crisis, schmid-life crisis! Any man who abandons a fine wife like you for some twenty-year-old is an idiot. Your ex-husband ought to have the word 'fool' stamped across his forehead!" Mark told Leah, and Leah laughed.
"You won't get any argument from me," said Leah. "But anyway, thank you again, Louise, for hosting this week's meeting in your apartment while I get my new place set up. This is a very big help."
"You're more than welcome," Louise said kindly.
"Okay, so let's get started. Where did we leave off last time? Does anybody remember?" Leah asked them.
"I had asked you about what had happened to you when you were younger," a young redhead named Michelle, who was sitting on the couch with Mark and Leah, responded.
"Oh yeah, that's right," said Leah. "You had asked me why I started this support group and why it was so important to me to help survivors of sexual assault."
"Yeah, that's right," Mark confirmed.
"Well, it's something that has always been very important to me because I was raped by a classmate of mine in college. There really were no systems of support for rape victims back then, and having to work through all of that on my own, without any real support from anyone, was incredibly painful. And I made up my mind years ago that I never wanted another rape victim to suffer in silence like I did, so I started this support group."
"I have a question," said Elaine, a short, slim, young black lady in her twenties, who was also sitting on the couch next to Michelle.
"What is it, Elaine?" asked Leah.
"I know that when a man just picks a woman at random and forces himself on her, it's rape. But what if the woman being forced to have sex against her will is the man's wife? Is it still rape then?"
"Absolutely," Leah answered without a moment's doubt or hesitation.
Mrs. Jefferson then shook her head and said, "That isn't right. It says in First Corinthians that when a woman gets married, she has to give her husband sex. It's part of a wife's duty."
Leah then shook her head and said, "Unfortunately, that's a very common misunderstanding. Tragically, the verses you're talking about in First Corinthians have been twisted by the church countless times over the centuries to justify marital rape. When the Apostle Paul talks about sex within the marriage relationship in First Corinthians, he says it quite plainly that it's not only the wife who has an obligation to meet her husband's sexual needs; the husband has that exact same obligation to his wife. It's not one-sided. And even though husbands and wives do have a marital obligation to meet each other's sexual needs, that in no way ever justifies a husband forcing himself on his wife. Any time any man ever forces a woman to have sex against her will, it is always an act of rape, regardless if the man is married to the woman or not. Think of it this way. God gave humanity free will. God gave all of us the ability and the right to think for ourselves and make our own decisions. That's precisely what makes us human. If God, Himself deems it unacceptable to force His will upon us, how could it possibly be acceptable in His sight for a husband to force his wife to have sex with him against her will? Even though husbands and wives do have a Biblical obligation to meet each other's sexual needs, that can never, ever justify a husband forcing his wife to have sex with him against her will. Married or not, rape is still rape. And rape is always wrong. Period."
Elaine nodded and said, "I've had questions about that for a long time and what you said just now really helped. Thank you."
"No, thank you for asking the question," Leah told Elaine. "This is a very important topic and it needs to be discussed more often."
"I thank you as well, Elaine, for bringing that up," said Louise. "Leah's absolutely right. This topic does need to be discussed more often instead of being swept under the rug like it usually is, particularly amongst Christians."
"Exactly," Mark agreed.
"You know, Leah…listening to everything you just said, I…well, it all just makes me so grateful to God that I'm not married," Louise told her, and her words sent an arrow right into George's heart. "Christians in particular, I think, are very bad about having this mindset that says that if a woman isn't married by such and such an age, she's a nobody. If, heaven forbid, you're a single woman and you're middle-aged, you're considered 'an old maid.' Basically, you're considered a loser. So much of church life tends to revolve around married couples, while single people are often sidelined. But despite all that, I consider it a good thing, a great thing, that I'm not married, even at my age. As you said yourself just now, Leah, husbands and wives do have an obligation to meet each other's sexual needs. And after everything I've been through, I couldn't be more grateful that I never have to worry about that. Life is hard enough for me as it is. Having to worry about sex with a husband is a burden I just couldn't bear on top of everything else I'm already going through." The instant Louise said that, George had to fight to keep from crying.
Leah nodded and said, "I understand what you're saying, Louise. And I know what you're going through. I went through the same thing myself after I was raped in college. For the next couple of years after my college graduation, I was absolutely terrified of getting married and having sex. But then when I met Matt in law school and we fell in love and got married, he really was there for me. He was very patient and understanding, and slowly but surely, with his help, I was able to overcome my fear of sex and we were able to enjoy a sexually healthy marriage for many years."
"Your ex-husband never forced himself on you during your marriage?" Elaine asked, and Leah shook her head.
"Not one single time," Leah assured her. "My ex-husband may be an immature, cheating jackass in the middle of a mid-life crisis, but he is not now, nor has he ever been, a rapist. Every single time that Matt and I had sex during our marriage, it was always, always consensual. Even though it is so hard to overcome the fear of sex after getting raped, that fear really can be overcome and you really can go on to enjoy a healthy sex life with a kind and loving husband. Or in your case, Mark, with a kind and loving wife," Leah said while Mark gave her a knowing smile. "I understand just how hard that is to imagine right now, especially for you, Louise, but I want to encourage you all to never give up on your dreams of having a marriage in the future that is both sexually and psychologically healthy. This fear, this agonizing and terrible fear, really can be overcome."
"I believe you, Leah," said Louise. "I believe that this fear can be conquered. It's just that at my age, with my health, and with two little girls to raise, I haven't got the slightest interest in doing so. My plate's pretty full as it is. The last thing I want to do is worry about finding a husband and worry about having a sex life. My life is often very challenging, but even so, I'm in a better place in my life now than I've ever been before, and I don't want to change it. I want my life to stay exactly the way it is right now."
Leah gave Louise an understanding nod and told her, "I know that you've walked a very long and hard road, Louise. I think your road has probably been the hardest one of any of us."
"I agree," said Mark.
"And you have come such a long way," Leah said. "I remember how much you struggled in the beginning; how hard it all was for you."
"I think what's been hardest for me over the years was feeling like I was somehow to blame for all the terrible things that happened to me. There actually have been some professing Christians who have told me in the past that I was beaten and raped and tortured in that hellhole because God was punishing me for something; that perhaps I did something horrible in the years of my life before I lost my memory that God had to punish me for. For a long time, I really was afraid that at some point in my past, I actually did something awful to somebody, and that was why I had to be tortured," Louise told them, and in that moment, Olivia couldn't take it anymore and she had to go out into the hallway to cry in private. George, too, had tears in his eyes, but he quickly wiped them away, and he continued to fight off the urge to cry because he wanted to listen, really listen, to every word his wife was saying now. "Thankfully," Louise continued, "now, I know better. A couple of years ago, I got into a Bible study on the book of Job, and it helped me tremendously. Job really went through hell on earth. All of the sudden, he lost his health, his wealth, and all ten of his children, and he never did anything to deserve it. As a matter of fact, when Satan approached God and asked for permission to strike Job, the Bible says that Job was living blamelessly in God's sight. Job's story helped me to realize that just because I've been tortured and have lost my ability to walk, it doesn't mean that God is punishing me for some sin I may have committed before I lost my memory. As a matter of fact, I may very well have been living as blamelessly as Job was when all these terrible things happened to me. I can't say that for certain, of course, but over the past couple of years or so, the Lord really has impressed it upon my heart that nothing that happened to me was my fault, and that has been such a big help to me. Job's story has been a great source of comfort to me through all of this."
"But wasn't God cruel to allow Satan to do all those terrible things to Job?" asked Michelle.
Leah immediately shook her head and responded, "No. First of all, we all have to remember that God is our creator, and it's precisely because He created us that He has the right to do whatever He wants to do with us; He even has the right to take our lives if He wants to. Second, I think Job's story proves that God has Satan and all his demons on a short leash. Not even Satan is capable of doing anything that God doesn't allow him to do. And third, I also think that Job's story proves that if you're a born again child of God through Jesus Christ, God isn't going to allow Satan or his demons to do anything to you that won't be for your long-term benefit and for His ultimate glory. Yes, God does sometimes allow His children to go through suffering, even terrible suffering, but not because He's cruel. If God allowed all of His children to have endless wealth and have everything constantly going our way all the time, we'd all end up a bunch of worthless spoiled brats without any character. We wouldn't be able to appreciate anything good that we had. And we'd never really learn to trust in God. Learning to put our faith in Jesus during the hard times is what builds up our relationship with Him and brings us closer to Him. And sometimes, our suffering can even help other people as well. I don't think Job ever imagined it when he was going through his trials, but God has used Job's life story to inspire and comfort countless generations of believers who came after him.
"Even today, or maybe I should say especially today, Christians need to hear it more than ever that living a blameless life in obedience to God does not at all guarantee an easy life, and going through a trial does not automatically mean that a believer has hidden sin in his life and that God is angry at him. As a matter of fact, it's often the exact opposite. You know, I think back in the days of the early church, it was those believers who really had the right attitude about suffering. Whenever they were persecuted for their faith in Jesus, they rejoiced that they had been counted worthy to suffer for the cause of Christ. Here in America, we're all so spoiled that the instant we have the smallest problem, we whine and complain and think that God is being mean to us. We get so caught up in ourselves and our present pain and discomfort that we never stop to think about how God might be using the trial we're in to strengthen our character and make us better people in the future."
"Oh, that's so true," Louise agreed. "I won't pretend that my life's been a bed of roses ever since I first woke up in that hellhole with both of my legs broken beyond repair, because it definitely hasn't been. But I can say without a doubt that all of this has caused me to have a much deeper relationship with the Lord than I probably ever would have had otherwise. There have been times when the nightmares and the sleep deprivation have exhausted me so badly that I just couldn't imagine going on. There have been times when I wasn't sure if I'd have enough money to pay all my bills for the month. But no matter what the situation was, the Lord has always come through for me and given me the strength I needed to keep going. And I do believe that in the end, all of this has made me a better person. A stronger person."
"I don't think there's any doubt about that, Louise," said Mark.
"I don't think there is, either," Leah concurred.
"Louise, as a Christian, do you really buy into all that loving your enemies stuff? I mean…are you even willing to love your own rapist?" Michelle asked.
After a long pause, Louise finally answered, "When Jesus tells me in the Bible that I have to love my enemies, yes, I do take it to heart. Will I ever be able to love Saul Donaldson with my emotions? Will I ever be able to have good feelings in my heart towards him? No. But even though I can never bring myself to love him with my emotions, I do try to honor Jesus by loving him with my actions. When I say my prayers every day, I do remember to pray for him, even though it's hard. It took me a long time to come to a place where I actually could bring myself to pray for him every day, but now that I am in that place, I don't regret it. I know that every time I choose to pray for him, I'm choosing not to stoop down to his level and return hate for hate. I know that every time I choose to pray for him, I'm choosing to be a better person than he is. And that gives me real peace of mind."
It was in that moment that George was no longer able to hold his tears back, and he quickly excused himself and joined his mother outside in the hallway.
The next morning, Louise, Mark, Estelle, George, and Olivia all went to church together, and they met Leah and Suzanne there, along with Melissa and Angie and Suzanne's daughters. That Sunday, the sermon was all about how deadly the human tongue can be and what horrific consequences hurtful words can cause in other people's lives. The sermon did move Louise, Mark, Estelle, Leah, and Suzanne to think more carefully about the way they spoke to others in their lives, but for George and his mother, that sermon was not moving; it was devastating.
After church was over that day, Louise took Melissa and Angie home and Suzanne took her daughters home, and Mark, Estelle, and Leah all went back to their homes as well while George and Olivia returned to the B&B. George and Olivia sat down together on the couch inside the B&B's spacious lounge in silence for the next several minutes as they both struggled to get their bearings. The B&B's owner and the three other guests there were all out right now, so George and his mother had plenty of privacy to talk.
After a long silence, Olivia finally told her son, "I can still hear that preacher's words and all those Bible verses ringing in my head."
"Me too, Mama," George said quietly.
"'Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.' Proverbs chapter eighteen, verse twenty-one. 'Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among all our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.' James, chapter three, verses three through ten. I'm going to remember all those verses every single day for the rest of my life, George, and so are you."
George nodded his head in agreement, and then he asked, "How many times, Mama? How many times in my life did I spew out hurtful, cruel words to other people? How many times over the course of my marriage did I hurt Weezy with my words?"
"Countless times, George. You hurt Louise with your words countless times throughout your marriage, and so did I."
"Why, Mama? Why did we used to be so selfish and cruel? Why were you and I such terrible people?"
"You and I were selfish and cruel people because we were spoiled, son. That's the simple truth. My parents spoiled me all my life, and because they spoiled me so much, I really did grow up believing that all life on earth was supposed to revolve around me. And when I had you, I raised you the same way. Like mother, like son. I made you the center of my world, and through my pathetic example, I taught you that you were more important than everybody else. And because of the backward times we were living in, I also raised you to believe that men were more important than women. That husbands were more important than wives. I raised you to believe that when you got married, your wife's whole world was supposed to revolve around you and that she was supposed to dedicate her entire life to serving your every whim. And if your wife happened to have any needs of her own, they certainly didn't matter as much as yours did."
George shook his head then and said, "You may have taught me to have that attitude, Mama; you may have even encouraged me to have that attitude, but at the end of the day, it was still my decision to act like that. And I decided to act like that because it fed my selfish ego. Even though I've always loved Weezy so much, all those years, I really enjoyed thinkin' that Weezy was beneath me and that I was above her because I was 'the man of the house.' Hmph! Some man! God blessed me with the most wonderful wife a man could ever hope for, and what did I do? I decided to be selfish, and I decided to speak cruel words to the most wonderful woman in the world. And I drove her away from me with my cruel words and shoved her right into the path of a murderer and a rapist who kidnapped her and tortured her.
"I can't believe just how stupid I've been all these years, Mama," George said as tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't believe it. I can't even count how many times in my life that I've acted stupid and run my big mouth and spoken mean words to people, without even thinking about it. Until now, I never realized just how badly cruel words can impact another person. I certainly never realized that cruel words could actually kill a person. But it's true, Mama. It's true. It was my fault Weezy suffered in that hellhole the way she did. It was because of my words that Weezy was stuck in that basement with that monster, bein' beaten and raped and tortured, when she should have been safe at home in my arms."
"It was because of my words too, son," Olivia admitted as she also began to cry. "I was just as cruel to Louise as you were that day. I'm just as much to blame for all of this as you are. In some ways, I'm even more to blame. It was mostly because of me that you never fully grew up until now. I was a terrible example to you when you were a kid. And in all the years we've known Louise, I always hated her without a cause. Do you want to know why I hated Louise for so long, George?"
"Why?"
"Louise scared me."
"Louise scared you?" said George, unable to believe his ears.
"When you and Louise first met, you'd just gotten out of reform school, and you were still running around with that street gang. I knew you were going down a dangerous road, and I really was scared that you'd end up where most gangsters end up, either in jail or in the graveyard. But as you started spending more of your time with Louise, you really started to change. You became such a better person. You learned more about being a human being from Louise than you ever did from me. In a way, Louise actually parented you, and Lord knows she did a much better job of it than I ever did. I always knew that Louise was an extraordinary person, a far better person than I was, and that scared me. I was afraid that having such an amazing woman for a wife would cause you to look down on me."
"What are you talkin' about, Mama? I could never look down on you."
"I know that now. But anyway, none of it matters now. The only thing that matters is Louise. That dear, precious lady has suffered so badly because you and I both willfully chose to hurt her with our words, which pushed her into the path of that terrible beast who raped her and beat her within a hair of her life. And because we are the cause of such horrific suffering in the life of that precious angel, we have got to do everything we can to ease her pain and give her as much joy as possible."
George then leaned over and hugged his mother, promising her, "We will find a way to ease her pain and give her joy, Mama. We will." And it was absolutely true. Whether it took weeks or months or years for George to earn his way back into Louise's life was irrelevant. Both George and his mother were more committed to Louise than ever, and no matter how long it took, they would never, ever give up.