#Neal Caffrey is Jason Todd #Alfred Pennyworth is Grandpa Caffrey #Original Grandpa Caffrey
#Think George from "Aristocats"
Grandpa Caffrey
"Seriously?"
Jones raised his hands in surrender, making Peter sigh.
The two of them turned back to their witness. Peter pursed his lips before he could ask Jones if he picked the guy up from a retirement home.
The coat and shoes were obvious good quality – the kind Neal would comment on – and the fancy cane spoke wealth, but coupled with the top hat, Peter couldn't help but think the old man looked a bit cartoonish.
"This guy was there before it all went down. He fell asleep on the chair in the lobby until the robbers came in guns blazing and woke him up. They ordered everybody on the floor, but he kept quiet and in the rush they must not have noticed him."
"What makes you think he's a better witness than everybody else? Even if his eyes were a few feet higher than the rest."
Jones shrugged.
"I stood in the same place he was while the robbers were emptying the safe. The window opposite to him reflected the hallway all the way to the safe. If our friends ditched their Halloween masks at all, chances are the old man can ID them."
"Are we even sure his eyesight is good enough to be reliable?" asked Peter watching the old man squint at the agents passing by, like he was trying to remember them from a black and white movie.
"When the police were taking statements he said 'Make sure that freckled brat and his friends won't get away with this.'." Jones threw Peter a look. "He saw something."
Peter turned back towards their witness and watched as the old man raised his fancy cane and used it to lift the top hat off his head and throw it over Diana's shoulder, right on top of Neal's Socrates bust.
Peter had a clear view of another agent gaping at the performance as he walked straight into the closed door.
The old man lifted his head at the noise.
"Bingo!" he yelled, making Jones flinch.
Peter sighed.
"Alright. What's his name?"
"I have no idea." was the blunt reply.
"Wh-? You didn't ask for his name?"
"Trust me, I did. Four times." Jones admitted, looking both exasperated and impressed.
"He didn't hear you?" Peter asked, his headache growing.
"Oh, he did. I'm sure of that."
"So what's the problem then?"
"See for yourself." Jones said and made an after you motion.
Peter shook his head and approached the witness.
"Sir, I am Special Agent Peter Burke and this is Agent Jones, FBI. May I ask you a few questions?"
The man squinted at him with disinterest, but made no comment.
"Did you happen to get a look at the men that burst in today? The ones that got into the safe?"
"Who's asking?"
"Wh-"
God.
They've been after these guys for four months now. Please God. Don't let their only witness forget what they've just witnessed.
He took a deep breath.
"I'm Special Agent Burke, FBI. I'm asking about the attack today – can you describe the men you saw?"
"You didn't catch them yet?"
Peter's headache grew.
It's like I'm talking to my father-in-law.
"I'm afraid they were professionals, sir."
"Aren't you supposed to be professionals too, Suit?"
Wonderful. Their witness is an aged up version of Mozzie.
Peter took a deep breath.
"Can I ask your name, sir?"
The old man didn't even blink.
"Leonardo Mongiovi de la Vera."
"Is that your real name?"
"Of course not, you idjit." He chided. Peter could hear Diana snort in the background. "Who'd you take me for?"
"Sir, if you refuse to cooperate – "
"Does your mother know you're harassing a ninety-three-year-old instead of working?"
He felt Jones move a few feet away from him and towards Diana. He didn't need to look up to know he was smiling.
"What did you see during the robbery?"
The old man stared at him.
"What robbery?"
Dear lord. At least with Mozzie he could work somewhat.
"The one on Main Street a few hours ago. We believe you got a look at the men responsible. Can you describe them to me?"
"I know nothing of no robbery."
Peter finally turned towards Jones and Diana – both who were trying their hardest not to start laughing in the middle of the room. He couldn't have taken his eyes off the man for more than six seconds, but by the time he turned around their witness was already snoring.
"Get Caffrey here." He finally told Diana, throwing his hands in the air.
Neal was a people person. He might get something.
GC
When Diana texted a 911 on his day off, Jason knew it was bound to be interesting.
A new forger, maybe some high class diamond heist... Another copy-cat would have been fun.
What he didn't expect was for all the agents on the floor to sneak poorly hidden looks at an old man that was snoring near the entrance.
It took him an embarrassing long three seconds to realize it was Alfred.
In Jason's defense, Alfred was the person who went undercover the least. Nobody was sure why, because he was the best at it. But the only good thing about this was the fact that Alfred didn't have a lot of aliases, which made it easier for Jason to figure out which one he was using.
Grandpa Caffrey.
It was probably the most beloved alias in the family – most likely because Alfred let all his pseudo-grandkids create the persona.
And the batkids did not hold back.
Jason Todd and Neal Caffrey were as different as the day and the night.
Jason was the Gotham street kid turned vigilante, with a love for guns and a foul mouth. Neal Caffrey was a conman and a flirt who loved people and despised guns and violence.
They created Grandpa Caffrey in a similar fashion.
Alfred Pennyworth was the British butler made of manners and etiquette. He was an ex-Special Operations Executive with connections in almost every intelligence agency in the world.
Grandpa Caffrey was a masterpiece. They kept the expensive suits but changed the fedora with a top hat (with a concealed lock pick set inside). Damian added an ornate cane, that was in fact a disguised fencing sword and the handle a small handgun (just in case). Jason was very explicit that the cane was to be used at all times to whack feds and policemen over the head with.
Tim added the age difference and the paranoia. Dick wanted to keep the artistic talents as a family trait. Nobody could remember who came up with the memory problems, but it was universally approved.
Seeing Grandpa Caffrey in action was a rarity. Something Alfred did to cheer them up when they really needed it.
Or on their birthdays. (And deathdays.)
Jason blinked.
What day was today again?
"Good. You're here." Peter said, unaware of the storm in his head. "This is the witness for the Main Street robbery, I need you get a description of what he's seen, preferably while he still remembers it."
"Robbery? Wh- " Neal broke off, looking bewildered.
He approached the man and started shaking his shoulder.
Peter wasn't sure what he thought Neal was going to say, but it was definitely anything but that.
"Grandpa? Gramps, wake up!"
The old man startled awake, almost taking Neal's head off with his cane.
"They've infiltrated!"
"No, Grandpa. It's me." Neal said, making Peter's jaw drop. All the agents on the floor suddenly got quiet.
The old man – Neal's grandfather, of course it's Neal's grandfather – looked around until he finally settled his gaze on the CI. He squinted.
"Napoleon – oh, you got me good there, kid. We could have used you back in Nam."
All the agents started looking around.
Is this really happening? Napoleon? Vietnam?
"Nam? What-? Never mind, Gramps – what are you doing here?" Neal asked, a bit louder.
"Waiting for my tea."
Neal blinked.
"Does Dad know you're here?" he suddenly asked. If Peter wasn't stumped before he surely was now. "Do you know where you are?" Neal changed the question.
"I'm surrounded by idjits. I've asked for a cup of tea yesterday and nothing!"
"This is the FBI, Gramps. Not the restaurant."
Confusion.
"What?"
"The feds, Gramps! You -"Neal said, raising his voice.
"Where?!" the old man cut him off, adjusting the grip on his cane and looking around for a fed target.
Three probies, plus Jones, took a step back.
Neal tried and failed to stiffen a smile. "It's nice to see you Grandpa."
"Yes, Dante's very happy with ENPA." The man responded. It took Peter a moment to figure out that he probably heard something else.
Neal snorted and got closer to his ear.
"I said it's nice to see you, Grandpa!" he said louder.
"Of course it is." The old man scoffed.
Diana couldn't stop grinning.
"This is awesome."
GC
"Napoleon?"
Neal snorted.
"Don't get excited. He can't remember my name, just that it starts with N." he explained with fond amusement. "In ten minutes it'll be something like Nick or Nico or Nino or Nathaniel or – "
"Nikolai! Tell the fed he's doing it wrong!" Grandpa Caffrey suddenly yelled from across the room.
"You're doing it wrong!" Neal yelled back without turning.
The fed in question dropped his head in shame.
GC
"Be honest with me on this one – Is he pretending to be deaf or...?"
"Oh, that. His hearing has gotten worse over the years and he refuses to go to the doctor because he thinks they're gonna chip him."
"Chip him?!" Peter took a deep breath. "Ask him about the robbery."
"Robbery? What robbery? Did I miss a family reunion or something?"
Peter stared at him.
GC
"There you go." Grandpa Caffrey suddenly said and threw a notebook at Jones. "Idjits."
There were sketches of the criminals, good enough for face recognition.
He's definitely a Caffrey.
"When did he drew all that?"
GC
"Am I going too fast for you, Suit?" the old man yells at Jones, once he realized no one was following him to the other side of the room.
His foot bumps into a stack of papers some intern forgot on the floor and he stumbles.
Four agents rush forward but the man somehow manages to catch himself on his cane before he could kiss the floor.
"Not as nimble as I was when I was eighty-eight, huh?" he chuckles.
GC
Grandpa Caffrey reached for Diana's hand and grabbed her scarf by accident. He lifted it to his lips and gave it a brief kiss.
"You have hands as soft as my bella, dear."
Diana grinned as Neal snorted.
GC
"You want something done right, you put a woman in charge, boy." Grandpa is telling Peter.
Agent Ruiz walked passed them in the hallway.
"Not that one."
GC
Grandpa Caffrey reached for his top hat and missed by a few inches, grabbing Neal's fedora right of his head. The CI blinked at the sudden lightness of his head, his hand reaching up and petting his hair in disbelief.
Diana raised her phone and took a picture.
Peter watched Neal take off after Grandpa Caffrey, stealing the top hat off his desk and placing it on his head on the way to the door, winking at Diana.
"Gramps! Elevator is this way!"
"Elevators are for old people. I'll race you!"
Neal quickened his pace.
"I'm telling Pops about this!"
"Tattletale!"
I'm not exactly planning on a sequel or an extra chapter, but if you have any ideas I'd love to read them.
'Grandpa Caffrey' is up for the take, just don't forget to tag me, or at least give me a shout out if you publish something.
Hope to hear from you all
Frostbite out