!Warning/Disclaimer!
This story – this ancient, undying thing – is an angsty, sorta-dark unhappy love story. The characters don't belong to me, I just have fun throwing them together and dumping in the angst. Sasuke...is not in a good place, and Naruto isn't anywhere near normal, either. This story contains lots of sex and swearing, abuse/non-con and a road through the storm. Eventually. There's a lot of mental fuckery that comes first.
This is Rated R, for a reason. Please read accordingly.
...and if you were around when this was first put up, uh...Hi? I'm not dead? This fic has not and, I fear, will never die and I'm determined to see this shit through. As a bonus, this has been worked over and fixed for flow and clarification.
~white, surge red~
:part three:
There is nothing better than the sun on his face as Naruto strolls down the streets. After a month of being cooped up with Tsunade and having absolutely nothing to do, it was almost heaven. Except, Naruto muses, heaven probably didn't have people staring or making faces at you when you walked down the street.
But he's used to that part of his life and shrugs it off. He's been to the Ichiraku stand and back again, and now he wanders the streets with a full stomach and no clue what to do until six. Or seven. Or later, depending on his mood. It wasn't every day that Tsunade caved into his begging.
I'm still bored, he thinks and shoves his hands deeper into his pockets. Because I have nothing to do.
…I could go find Sasuke and kick his ass, something suggested hopefully. Naruto makes an annoyed noise in his throat when the thoughts of the dark-haired Uchiha pass through his head. I should. I really should, he amends—because he's a goddamned prick.
But he isn't…sure…on how he wants to see Sasuke—he doesn't know what made the other guy do what he did, but…he just isn't sure, period. His memory is foggy and even though he doesn't understand it—no, to be truthful, he was confused as hell why Sasuke would even want—
—and he's had more than enough time to brood on the subject, a month's worth of watching Tsunade's face darken whenever Sasuke's name was raised, a month of realizing she wanted nothing to do with his existence—and Sasuke said she had hit him—
Thinking about it, Naruto scowls and kicks at the gravel. Who cares about it. Sasuke's a stupid asshole that's just—
—over there.
Naruto blinks and turns his head, seeing nothing beyond the line of trees. The training grounds are in that direction—and Sasuke's there. Probably training.
Doubt whines out in his head and mixes with the anger and the stubborn curiosity. It gnaws at him because this could be his chance—Sasuke could clear up a few things. It didn't matter if Naruto's personal opinion of Sasuke was a bit…rude—he could go over and ask what the hell was wrong with him, doing all those things…
Naruto bounces restlessly on his toes and sucks his lower lip between his teeth.
Or, he decides with a flashing grin that isn't quite nice. I could just kick his ass.
-::-
It's one of those rare days, Naruto thinks, because he's within twenty yards of Sasuke and his approach goes unnoticed. Sasuke is deep in his training, it seems, so Naruto leans against a convenient tree and waits.
He doesn't wait long.
A final punch cracks the wood of the training log and Sasuke straightens. Naruto wants to grin and holds it far from ever surfacing. Sasuke's eyes are dark, so dark he could trip and fall forever in the coldness of them; they meet Naruto's eyes and hold him there and there is an amused little smirk on Sasuke's face.
"What is it?" Sasuke's voice is breathless from training and the ever-present emotionless tone. The anger narrows the dark eyes and Naruto thinks that Sasuke seems angry—always angry—every time they see each other.
Naruto waits on answering because his stomach is turning flips and he can't decide if he's pissed off too, or if he wants to throw back his head and scream. Or something. Anything. Because he doesn't like Sasuke. They're teammates, and rivals, and Naruto knew there were worlds of potential if they kept training and didn't kill each other—
—but he doesn't like this Sasuke.
And Sasuke is still watching him with that goddamned smirk so Naruto rolls his eyes and scowls back. "I just came to tell you something."
"Oh?"
Naruto watches Sasuke lift the hem of his shirt and wipe his face and looks away from the stomach hiding beneath. Sasuke's eyes are dark in his head and Naruto finally takes his hands down from his head and pushes away from the tree. He doesn't speak until he gets within two feet of Sasuke. "Just to let you know, bastard. I've had enough time to think about what you did, and what you said—"
The expression on Sasuke's face never changes, but Naruto is sure he sees something in his eyes, something that dances and twirls and goes hahah I win.
So Naruto finishes what he's trying to say. "—and I don't really care."
And that has Sasuke's face flashing from surprise to bright rage even though Naruto can't understand why.
"You don't care?" Sasuke repeats quietly.
"No." Naruto spits to the side. "I don't. You know why? Because I do stupid things and what happened—I'm pretty sure it was gonna happen anyway. It had to happen. It just happened to be you." Naruto lets his frustration show and flashes his own anger because he's just as mad as Sasuke that it did happen and he couldn't stop it. Even though Sasuke didn't seem all that upset by it back in the hospital—even if the way he showed it was fucked up, Naruto had decided that he wouldn't be bothered by it either.
"Had to happen?" Sasuke hisses. "Had to happen?"
"Yeah. But since it was you, I don't care." And a part of him starts to laugh at the sheer fury in Sasuke's eyes and thinks Why is he mad at me? and Sasuke's silence burns between them. Isn't this what he wanted?
Finally, Sasuke opens his mouth and snarls. "You brainless, useless—is that all you have to tell me?"
"Pretty much."
"Then get out of my sight," Sasuke hisses. "Because you're not worth my time."
—and something clenches in Naruto's gut with a funny sort of chill but his anger swamps it down and he yells, without thinking. "Hey, I'm a part of your team, you jackass!" and they're nose to nose in their flashfire anger. "I can't exactly go invisible around you every day!"
"I don't care if you are my teammate—you're worthless and weak and you'll never be anything—"
"Bastard!" Naruto hisses between his teeth. "Stuck-up arrogant prick!"
—and his gut twists hard because Sasuke's teeth are bared and he looks so mad and Naruto wonders if he should stop and think about that—
why oh why is he so mad I don't get it
—but Sasuke's knuckles are digging into his chest as the boy drags him closer by his shirt, face to face and Naruto's keenly away of just how close they were again—
—Sasuke over-inside-against-around him—
—and the tightness in his belly is too warm and he should stop to think about that too, because wasn't that just like—
—but then Sasuke's snarling out something that drops cold ice down his spine, something that finishes with "—don't ever want to see you near me—"
—and Naruto pulls back with a swinging fist and misses the smooth skin by a hair and curses the dark-haired boy. He breaks free with a jerk and stands there, shaking—doesn't want to see me doesn't like me he hates me. "Fuckin' ice-cold bitch—what the fuck is your problem?"
"Problem? My problem?" Sasuke snarls and hunches his shoulders and Naruto can see the white knuckles of his fists. "You're my problem! Everything about you is my problem and I'm sick of dealing with your stupidity! I don't want any part of it anymore!" The dark-haired boy whirls in place and stomps away as Naruto blinks in shock—only blinks, because to show any more would be inviting crueler words and feelings—so Naruto watches him as the tightness spreads through his body and Sasuke keeps going.
Keeps going and all Naruto can do because he's mad and confused—weak? Worthless?—and Sasuke had said such things and it digs deeper than anything. Digs deep and roots in his head until the indignant I'm worthless?! spews forth and Naruto growls and clenches his teeth so hard his jaw hurts. His nails are cutting into his skin and he just watches Sasuke grab at his weapons and stow them away with jerks of his hand—He's leaving. He's really leaving.
Leaving. Without a fight.
And Naruto felt like fighting, wants to drag back his attention no matter the cost. So he hisses between his teeth again and flings a kunai into the tree, inches from Sasuke's straight little nose. "You coward!" he cries.
Sasuke's body stills and he jerks his head around and his eyes are glaring coals through the flush on his pale skin.
Yeah, that seemed to work.
"You know what?" Naruto yells, pointing. "You're a spoiled bitch! All you do is whine! The minute something goes against your perfect little world you up and freak! Fuck you, Mr. bow-to-me Uchiha!"
—and then Sasuke almost vanishes in his speed to reappear before Naruto. The blond pushes back the funny tickle in his throat and stands his ground with his fists at his side and his chin held high—and then, they're nose to nose again.
—and Sasuke's yelling. "Yeah? You apathetic moron—would you care if it was that fat man who runs the Ichiraku? Or Sakura? Would you care if you had fucked someone else?"
"Yes I would have cared!" Naruto shoves his palm against Sasuke's chest, feels his wrist sting as Sasuke just-as-violently pushes them away, and shoves at him again. "It's not the same—you're not the same thing—"
"Then why—"
"Because you're a prick! Because you're Sasuke! And you're my teammate and—" Naruto sneers and grabs Sasuke's wrists to keep the other boy from hitting him. He can see that Sasuke wants to—it's in his face, his eyes, the reflexive squeezing in his hands. He has to use all of his strength just to keep the dark-haired boy from punching him. "It doesn't bother me that it was you!"
Sasuke doesn't speak and Naruto can't breathe for the thickness in his throat and the shaking in his legs.
What the hell? he thinks, bleakly. What's wrong with us?
—and Sasuke still isn't talking, so Naruto stares at him with his own stubborn glare and squeezes his fingers.
"I hate you," Sasuke finally whispers—only Naruto isn't sure if Sasuke is aware that he's speaking because his eyes are queerly bright and the depth of his voice is hoarse.
"Yeah, so what?" Naruto says without a second thought, hating the stubborn creak in his voice. "Get in line with the rest of the fucking village, you prissy bastard!"
-::-
Tsunade is in the middle of a conference with an advisor for the business end of the village when the door slams open and she jumps. She can't help it and neither can the middle-aged man; his flinch sends his cup of tea splattering on the floor.
Naruto goes stomping by her desk and her mouth opens automatically to shout a sharp reprimand—but the look on his face stops her cold and she slides into a bone-deep aggravation. What the hell happened this time?
But Naruto's clenched jaw and narrowed eyes keep her from raising questions—Naruto is already past her desk and kicking open the door to his room. It wouldn't do at all to do this in front of her business associate. She smiles weakly as the door rebounds off the wall and swings shut behind the teen.
"Don't worry…" she begins—and can't find any decent excuse. She shrugs instead and rubs at her forehead. "I'm sorry about that—we'll have to do this another time. Shizune will schedule you another appointment, if you're alright with that…?"
The man eyes the door behind her, pale and somewhat puffy, and belatedly nods. "O-Of course, Hokage-sama. Of course. If you will excuse me?"
She nods, and the man stands up as quickly as possible, and vanishes out the door.
Well, at least he didn't break anything. She stands from the desk and gathers her robes around her. There is no noise beyond Naruto's door, but he's there. She can feel it. She knocks quietly, and waits.
A moment later, the door cracks open enough to let Naruto mutter "…what do you want?"
Tsunade almost wants to smack him. "You okay?"
The door opens a fraction wider; she can see one sullen eye peering at her. "I'm fine."
"You don't look fine," she criticizes. "You look like you just got pissed on—and your chakra's jumping. What'd you do?"
"I didn't do anything and that fucking bastard Sasuke can rot in hell for all I care!" he exclaims angrily and slams the door in her face.
"…goddamit," she spits after a moment. "I'm going to ream his disobedient bony little ass—" and her middle goes cold when she thinks of what could have happened, and slaps her palm on the door. "Open this door right now!"
The door yanks open and Naruto glares at her. His right hand is clenched on the edge of the door.
"Did he try anything?" is the phrase she finally pulls forth.
"—like I'm going to let him screw me!" Naruto scowls and flushes behind his anger.
Tsunade crosses her arms and narrows her eyes. "Okay." She watches the thin shoulders square and Naruto straightens. His brows are tight over his stubborn eyes. "What, then?"
"I wanted to talk to him," he snarls. "—that bastard—thought he wanted—I just wanted to talk and the fucker got mad at me! That's it, end of story. Are you done now?"
"That's all that happened?" she asks again, leaning over the shorter boy. Talk to him, she thinks. Naruto wanted to talk to him…
"Yes!"
"Alright," she starts slowly. Everything's gotta be fucking complicated, doesn't it? Why the hell is he trying to talk to him? "But we're—
The door slams shut.
"—going to talk about this later."
-::-
he doesn't care he doesn't care he doesn't care
Sasuke can't seem to catch his breath, can't seem to stop his hands from clenching and the muscles of his arms ache from the strain, but all he does is stand in front of the battered training log. Can't move. His things are scattered on the ground. Can't move and he keeps thinking why doesn't he care?!
Sasuke's so furious there are little spots on the edge of his vision. He draws a deep breath that snags somewhere in the middle and he hears a high-pitched little hissing noise—
—I hate him he doesn't care it's not working he can't do that!—
—his noise because it's his throat that's making the noise, his guttural angry noise because Sasuke feels everything fragment under the weight that Naruto did not care and all he ended up doing was looking like an idiot—
he doesn't care!
—so stupid because everything had been so simple and everything was fine because Naruto was that simple, that stupid, and Sasuke was sure it was going to work. It was supposed to work and Naruto—
—stupid, loud-mouthed Naruto—
—had done the same thing as usual and did the unexpected.
I should have foreseen that—I should have known, he thinks, even though he knows better. Even though there's a tired little part that mumbles this is a bad game—
There's a much bigger part that capers against his waning judgment and whispers I'm better than him. I have to be in the sick-sweet feeling that rises to the surface. I can't stop this now. I can't.
By the end of this, I'll rub his face in it!—and Sasuke's completely fine with that, so fine that his stomach quivers in a tiny laugh.
—because if I can't beat that stupid dobe—
—how how can I go how can I fight how will I win—
-::-
Sasuke's presence is felt from half a mile away. It grows on him, silent and stealthy, until Kakashi realizes that the boy is walking past the tree he's perched in. Ah. So he's not just completely antisocial.
Except that Sasuke walks right by him, dark and brooding and wire-tight fury without any sign of recognition. Oh dear, this is new. Or, not new, but not as common lately. Sighing, Kakashi closes his book and drops from the tree to walk up behind Sasuke. "You're late. Sakura's gone to get lunch, already—" he calls, shoving his book away. "What's up?"
Sasuke keeps on walking, hunching slightly. Kakashi can see the muscles of his arms jerk, the blood on his knuckles and the sweaty, dirty clothes. Something had happened. Well. Perhaps he did forget. This was the way to his empty house, after all.
"Alright, alright, what'd you do?" Kakashi says, quietly, sternly, and makes the mistake of reaching out to grab Sasuke's shirt when the boy doesn't turn around.
—except that he reacts, really fast and Kakashi's arm actually hurts from the force of Sasuke's swinging fist. The man has to grab a wrist, twisting him around and bending the wrist under until Sasuke makes a strangled angry-cat noise and kicks him in the shin.
Damn the brat, I'm gonna have a bruise—
Kakashi is forced to bend his arm into a hold and grabs the back of Sasuke's neck with his other hand. "Will you calm down?"
Sasuke's jaw clenches. "Let me go."
"Are you calm?"
"…yes," Sasuke grates, and jerks away when Kakashi loosens his grip. Sasuke rubs the back of his neck with one final glare.
"What's happened and why are you so…upset?" Kakashi drawls and crosses his arms.
"It's none of your business."
Kakashi feels like smacking him upside the head for his attitude—but a third voice speaks up behind him.
"Oh? Then maybe it's mine, since it seems you've disobeyed orders, you little shit."
Noting the reflexive spasm of Sasuke's shoulders, Kakashi turns his head, already aware of who would be there. He hadn't heard her approach and her presence, on top of Sasuke's relapse into surly teenager, well. It doesn't bode well. The Hokage stands with her arms crossed and a cold, assessing stare fixed on Sasuke.
But. Disobeyed? What does she mean, disobeyed—oh, that little bastard—Still, Kakashi inclines his head in respect. "Hokage-sama," he says even as he feels his stomach drop.
"Excuse me for a moment, Kakashi. I need to speak with your student." Tsunade walks past him in great strides and Kakashi has to give the boy credit for standing his ground—even if the expression on his face is strained, even if what Kakashi thinks might have happened did—the boy had guts.
Some people call that recklessness, his mind points out.
The Hokage stops just short of knocking Sasuke over. "What happened?" she asks rather quietly.
Sasuke's hands clench and Kakashi's sure that the action is unconscious. "Nothing. He just showed up while I was training. I didn't do anything to that idiot."
"Oh? Then what did he say?"
Ah. So Naruto did seek him out. Kakashi can feel the chakra boil just under the surface and it sinks with icy teeth into his spine; Sasuke never let his emotions get in the way. Kakashi watches with a worried eye as Sasuke's face pales and his eyes flash briefly into red. His clenched fists are shaking, but the boy still tries to keep whatever had happened a secret.
"Nothing," Sasuke bites out—and both Tsunade and Kakashi can tell that he's lying.
"What did he tell you, brat?" Tsunade's mouth tightens. "Did he tell you what happens to him? Or did he tell you, perhaps, why—"
—and something seems to crack and Sasuke's voice is suddenly loud and brittle. "Tell me? Tell me what? No one bothered to tell me anything, least of all that retard—all he wanted to say was that he didn't care that I fucked him!" A breath hisses in between his teeth and Kakashi's eyebrow rises in surprise at the words and concern that Sasuke was so…upset. "Didn't care! He didn't fucking care!"
Silence drops and Kakashi can hear the harsh inhalations Sasuke makes. He can hear the tapping of Tsunade's foot slow…then stop.
"I see," the woman says slowly, dangerously. "And then?"
"Hn. Does it matter?" Sasuke hisses and turns neatly on his heel before either can stop him.
—and Kakashi doesn't really care to try at the moment. Hmm. Interesting. "Well," Kakashi says quietly when Sasuke was far enough way. "I wonder what that means."
Tsunade turns just enough to glare at him. "It means that it's all complicated, Kakashi, and I hate complicated shit."
"…well, complicated things for complicated boys, right?"
"Oh, shut up, Kakashi."
-::-
(eight days later)
"Are you sure you'll be alright here?"
"For the last time, Tsunade-hag, I'm fine! You said so yourself, right?" Naruto drops his belongings in the center of the dusty and somewhat messy room. He rolls his shoulders and looks around; he never thought he'd be glad to be back in this dingy, half-ass apartment, even though he wonders at the sudden change in plans.
"Still, Naruto—I would feel more comfortable with you nearby." Tsunade takes stock of the place with her hands on her hips.
Naruto almost grins. The mess was probably getting to her. Instead, he looks back and merely shrugs. "I'm sick of your place," he says, simply. "I promised I would stay out of trouble, didn't I?"
She's probably just as sick of me.
"And regular visits," Tsunade reminds him. She pokes a foot at a pile of messy clothes and makes a face.
"Yeah, yeah. I'll be fine, Tsunade-hag. Really!" Naruto walks into his small open-ended kitchen and opened the cupboards and smiles at the sight of the ramen. What does she think I'll do—run away and jump off a bridge?
He knows she's standing there behind him with that worried look again and the smile fades from his own. "Tsunade-hag," he says quietly and looks back over his shoulder. "I'll be okay. I've been alone before. You shouldn't worry."
There is a flicker in her eyes and she nods briefly. "I know." She takes a deep breath and looks away, back towards the door and beyond. It's early morning; she has duties to perform yet.
Soon, Naruto thinks. Soon I'll be on my own, again. Sorta. He isn't sure if he likes that. He stands there, facing the counters and listening to the robes rustle. At least I can go and train for real, now…
"There's one last thing I want to tell you before I leave," the older woman says in the silence. "Don't…push yourself, okay? You're still unstable, and I don't want anything happening to you. If you feel any changes, however insignificant, come to me right away, okay?"
"Yeah, okay," Naruto replies and finds it in himself to smile over his shoulder. "Stop worrying—you'll get wrinkles."
-::-
(eleven days after that)
"Are you okay?"
Naruto opens his eyes into the steel-blue of the sky and winces. There is a dull ache from his hair, all down to the dirt on his shoes and he has never been so glad to feel the brisk wind coming over the forest.
"Naruto?"
The blond turns his head with the grass poking his cheek and Sakura looks back with such concern it's awkward in his chest. Why is she worried? he thinks. Oh…yeah. I almost passed out. He draws a breath and sits up and regrets it, immediately, because his head swims. He presses his fingers to his temple. "Guh."
"You don't look good—maybe your body isn't recovered." the girl asks. "Should I get Kakashi-sensei?"
"No, I'm fine!" Naruto insists. "It's nothing I haven't done before—"
—and I nearly passed out cold, a voice retorts. There's something wrong.
Sakura ends up helping Naruto stand and continues to watch him nervously. They have been training on their own for over a week since Naruto returned to his apartment. It troubles him that his body isn't going back to normal. He hasn't seen Sasuke since that day in the training fields, but he's fine with that.
But. It's getting worse.
Except, Naruto isn't sure what's getting worse. His body feels normal. He feels normal, except that his chakra is still low and he can't quite perform at the level he should be at, and he doesn't know why it's happening.
"—quits, Naruto?"
"Huh?" he jerks his head around—ugh, so dizzy—and blinks his blue eyes in her direction.
"I said, should we call it quits?" Sakura twines her fingers together and bounces on her feet. Her dress is barely dirty and she's barely sweating after what felt like hard training. Naruto almost feels annoyed, but remembers that he isn't exactly normal. "Hey…you aren't still getting sick again, are you?"
Naruto grimaces just a tiny bit and laces the hands behind his head, pulling at exertion-tightened muscles. "No, but you're probably right. I just need some sleep, or something. Ooh, maybe they have chicken-ramen at the stand—"
Sakura laughs and Naruto still thinks it's the sweetest laugh he's ever heard. There's a tug of melancholy at his heart that he even thinks that, wonders if—
No. He wouldn't even bother to wonder what Sasuke's natural laugh would sound like. He would not.
In the midst of his flash of anger, Sakura starts to speak again and his distraction ends. "Okay, then. I'll go and find Kakashi and let him know we're done. Don't forget, we don't meet for three days!"
"Yeah, yeah!" the blond waves as she starts to step backward. "Later!"
-::-
"Oiy!" came a cheerful voice and Naruto looks up from his second bowl of ramen, mouth full and noodles dangling. Kakashi's arm is up in salutation and the blond can see the impression of his smile. He sucks in the last of his noodles, swallowing.
"Hey, Kakashi-sensei! What's up? Hey—is there a mission!?"
"Nope, no mission. Sakura said you'd be here," Kakashi explains. He pulls out the stool next to Naruto and sits his lanky form down. "Are you okay?"
Oh. It's about that. "Yeah…I just got tired," Naruto replies casually and waves his chopsticks for emphasis.
"Does it happen often?"
"Not really," Naruto sloshes the liquid of his bowl around and shrugs. "The hag says my body is still adjusting or something, so I'm not worried."
Liar, a voice whispers.—liar liar liar—
The look on Kakashi's face is amused and the man throws in the low-blow. "Hmm…does Tsunade-sama know that your chakra is steadily decreasing?"
God he noticed he noticed aw shit he noticed—Naruto finds the remaining contents of his ramen bowl more interesting and waits a moment before daring to speak. "I haven't told her yet." Kakashi's sigh speaks more and cuts deeper than Naruto expects and the blond flinches slightly. "It's not a big deal!" he insists. "Really! I was gonna tell her, I-I'm just…it's just…"
It's just that I don't know what's happening to me—he wants to say. —and I don't want to know.
"I want you to go and talk to her, okay?" Kakashi presses a hand onto Naruto's shoulder and squeezes. "I want you to get better and at this rate you won't have enough energy to stand, unless she finds something to do about it."
Naruto can't fathom not having enough energy to move—maybe it's like the exhaustion after a tough training session where everything's numb—but it's something he's never had to deal with on a long-term level. The prospect is insanely scary. Not enough energy to move—
Naruto shudders. "Yeah," he says. "I will."
"Great!" Kakashi smiles at him again. "I'll see you in a few days."
-::-
(the day after)
Tsunade knocks loudly on his door at nine in the morning. When Naruto—who was still sleeping—doesn't answer, she twists the knob and opens the door with a well-place elbow. "Good god, what a mess," she mutters. "Oiy! Hey, you ungrateful shit, are you here?"
The door to the small bedroom creaks and she stands with her hands on her hips as Naruto comes into view, yawning.
"Tsu-Tsunade-hag?" the blond rubs at his eyes and cheeks, hair and old, threadbare pajamas wrinkled. "Naaw—wha d'you wa~hant?"
"Well," she avoids the clutter and old cups and clothing on the floor as she walks over to him, debates between pinching his cheeks and smacking him upside the head—and goes with the second.
"Ow! Hey! What the fuck?"
She smiles sweetly and pushes carefully at his head. "That's for not telling me about your chakra, you brat."
Naruto makes a whining sound and tugs at his hair. "You didn't have to hit me." The face he makes is horrible.
"Yes I did. Now tell me what's going on, or do I have to tie you up and find out for myself?"
"…but it's early. It's not even ten!" the blond whines. "—and I was gonna see you today anyway—hey! How the hell did you know, anyway!"
"Kakashi told me."
"Oh…that bastard."
"Well?"
Naruto shrugs and gives her one of those little looks that gives away all the irritation he must be feeling. "I'm just using up more chakra than I can replace," he explains. "That's what it feels like, anyway. You said that my body was strained, right? Going through that weird…um…hormonal thing…so, I'm just not recovering as fast. That's all."
Tsunade gives him a look of her own and exhales. "And my sources tell me that you've been sleeping a lot more than usual. You should be able to replace the chakra with no problem, not continually lose it on a daily basis."
Naruto's mouth opens and shuts as he stands there. It seems he can't find a decent excuse—although, she has to give him credit for being at least partially correct. By training and whatever else he was doing, his chakra was depleted faster than it could be replaced. Perhaps that was all.
Or, perhaps there's something else. Tsunade hums under her breath and taps a painted nail against her chin. She can see his chakra without exerting herself, and it was low, but perhaps…Perhaps it's only a side effect and that he needs more rest. His changing sleeping pattern is an indication that he's not getting enough—
"Can I go back to bed?" Naruto asks when she doesn't speak for a moment.
"…In a bit. Come here." For once he obeys without balking or throwing a fit, and she's grateful. She pushes her fingers to his temples and extends a bit of her own awareness, skimming quickly down his major and minor chakra points, checking and rechecking the seal to make sure the outflux of demon chakra is still normal—and everything appears to be fine. Everything appears just as normal as any other day, except that the chakra was lower.
His chakra feels like he's not getting enough, even with all the sleep he's gotten. That seems normal enough after a stressful experience…but I wonder if I'm missing something…
"Tsunade-hag?"
"Well, maybe you're right," she concedes. "But that doesn't mean it's okay. No stressful training. Practice your genjutsu or control or something until your body is back to top form."
And that doesn't leave Naruto very happy with her. His jaw drops open and she has no doubt he's fully awake now as he screeches "What? No training? Come on—you're kidding right?"
"Nope!" she smiles one of her brightest smiles and flicks him on the nose and turns to leave. "You can go back to bed now."
"You're such a bitch!"
"Hah, whatever, you little shit. I'm also your Hokage, so don't push your luck." Tsunade calls from beyond the doorway. "And clean up your apartment!"
Strange, Tsunade thinks, staring for a moment at the closed door. Very strange, that his body had been so regular in the cycles for three or four months before the…Before Uchiha came along. She finds it even stranger, as she leaves the hallway, that his body had fallen so abruptly out of balance. Now it's unpredictable.
-::-
(three days later)
Sasuke hasn't given himself much time to even think in the last month by picking up any mission he can accomplish. He doesn't want to think. It bothers him to think.
It bothers him that he doesn't want to think, but he shoves the thought aside and continues walking. Today there is nothing available, so he's stuck merely wandering the streets because he hates going home and he hates having nothing to do. He can't even spar, now, without getting so furious his hands ache and bleed before he even attempts to stop.
It's all his fault. All of it. Everything is always because of him— and that kind of thing he can't help thinking about. It burns brighter in his head than anything else, even though he doesn't dare give it a name.
I don't care, except that it still niggles in his head—and all he's left with is half-attempted thoughts on how it could still work, how he could still hurt him if he had half a chance…
But then, he'd have to be able to get near him, and he really doesn't want to. Ever. Because he doesn't care, and he's not about to go back on his word and it's easier to tell himself that he doesn't want any part of it, and stop thinking.
"Sasuke! I'm so glad I found you—"
Except now he has something else to not think about when Sakura appears at his side—absently, he notes that she had been coming up from behind for some time, now—he just wasn't aware of it. She latches onto his arm and ignores the automatic half-shake of his shoulder.
"—where have you been? I've been so worried—"
"I've been busy," he snaps. "What do you want?"
"Come on, don't be mad at me—what have you been doing, hiding under a rock? Naruto's really sick! Kakashi-sensei is really worried, too, and the Hokage hasn't left his apartment—"
"…so what?"
"Sasuke!" the girl says, apparently shocked at his dismissal. "He's out cold for almost three days! Kakashi-sensei said his body is strained and I could tell, you know, when we were training last week that he was sick—"
—three days, whispers in Sasuke's head. He's been out of it for three days?
I need to pay more attention, comes the irritated thought. Because stuff happens and I don't even get to know…Sasuke shakes his shoulder in one last attempt to remove her, and sighs. He has to give her credit, at least, for being truly concerned for the idiot of their team. "Sakura—Sakura—" he forces out and she stops long enough to look up at him. Something rolls over delightedly and he can't help asking, "What's going on?"
-::-
Tsunade is there when he wakes, hanging over him in his blurry vision and he doesn't understand it. Her face is pale and worried, even though her eyes hold relief when Naruto blinks up at her. He feels ungodly tired and lets himself wish for a few extra hours of sleep…but Tsunade is right there and that's something of itself.
"Tsunade-hag?" he croaks. "Wha…?"
She exhales and smiles briefly. "How do you feel?" is the first thing she asks. "What day is it?"
What day is it? he thinks, kicking at the covers because he's really warm. "Nugh. Tired. And it's Tuesday…" except that he knows that it isn't and thinks–with a question like that—it's never the day you think it is.
And he's right.
"It's Friday, Naruto. You've been unconscious for three days. If I hadn't come to check on you..."
Three…days? Three days!? and panic kicks him in the gut and he sits up as fast as he can, exploding, "What do you mean, three days!? What the fuck is wrong with me?!"
"Naruto, calm down."
He looks up at her with his face gone wild and his hands ripping at the blanket—calm down, she says, as if it's easy to do and can't stop the words from tumbling free. "What's wrong with me? What's happening to me!? Why is this happening to me?" and his heart is thumping so hard he feels dizzy and small and scared—he hates feeling scared and starts to shake.
"Hey, you stupid brat, calm down and I'll be able to tell you," she snaps, and grabs his hands to keep him from ripping the fabric. "Now take a deep breath and hold it."
Naruto inhales so deeply his vision grows spots on the edge and his chest hurts to hold it in. But he does, and after he exhales slowly, he feels marginally better. Calmer. I'm dying, comes the irrational thought in the back of his head. I'm not even seventeen and I'm dying because I sleep too much—then he's distracted by the words the woman is speaking.
"Okay. It's nothing serious, okay? You just overexerted yourself, somehow, and your body went into an automatic standby to conserve energy. Can you tell me what you were doing before you went to sleep?"
"I was only doing exercises like you said! Practice stuff. Then it got late and I got tired…What's going on?" Automatically, his hand clutches at his chest.
"…I think I was wrong," the Hokage says, slowly. "About your chakra. I can't pinpoint the cause of your exhaustion. All I've been able to determine is that your body—your chakra, and the demon's chakra—are starting to blur. It started in puberty, which was the cause of your cycle—"
"Because of the kyuubi?" Naruto dares to whisper and feels nothing but disgusted hate that it was the demon, the damn demon in his body that made him sick because he can't fight something like that, can't even win against something like that—
"The seal on your stomach is designed to allow minimal amounts of the Kyubi's chakra into your body. There are side effects to such things, so yes. The demon is the reason you heal so quickly. It's also responsible for your stamina…as well as your cycle and quite possibly the lack of chakra."
"Oh," he says, numb all over, and he's cold and warm at the same time and wants nothing more than to go back to sleep. "So what do I do?"
"For the moment, there's nothing that we can do but wait it out and see."
Wait it out. I've got to wait. Out of habit, Naruto looks out of the window near his bed and into the sky beyond and merely…lets himself go blank as all of the thoughts and worries and anger flushes through his head. I'm probably stuck in this apartment now—I can't go anywhere like this—not if I pass out every fucking second—
I can't stand this. What am I supposed to do? he thinks and hates the fact that there's nothing—absolutely nothing—that he can do. He can't even blame it on Sasuke, like he wants to, like he thinks he should because maybe Sasuke did want to do…stuff…but the asshole was so…he was so…
I'm stuck here, Naruto thinks bleakly. And he thinks…I'm not good enough…even if we did have sex…I'm not good enough.
-::-
"How is he doing?"
Tsunade stands in the hallway outside of Naruto's door and looks at Kakashi, weary to the bone. "He's awake. His chakra's still low. I'm going to keep him on house-arrest until I figure out how to stabilize his chakra."
"And then?"
"I don't know," the woman replies. "I have no idea what's wrong. I think there's more affecting him, than just his body. I think there's something wrong he's not telling us, and that could be a reason, too. I just…I can't get him to open up, Kakashi."
"Do you think…" Kakashi begins, hesitant, then takes a breath. "Perhaps Sasuke has something to do with it—"
Despite the irritation she feels at the mention of the other brat, she has to stop and think. It's entirely possible. It's too possible that Sasuke has a negative effect on Naruto and she hates the thought because she wants nothing of the sort to happen. But she sighs, and straightens to brush back the hair in her face.
Finally, she murmurs tiredly. "My current orders still stand regarding Uchiha." She raises a hand to forestall Kakashi's blink, knowing he's about to protest. "I need to understand the current problem with his chakra before introducing something that could send him into a negative spiral."
Kakashi sighs and drags his hand across what's exposed of his face. "If that's what you think is best, Hokage-sama."