!Warning/Disclaimer!
This story – this ancient, undying thing – is an angsty, sorta-dark unhappy love story. The characters don't belong to me, I just have fun throwing them together and dumping in the angst. Sasuke...is not in a good place, and Naruto isn't anywhere near normal, either. This story contains lots of sex and swearing, abuse/non-con and a road through the storm. Eventually. There's a lot of mental fuckery that comes first.
This is Rated R, for a reason. Please read accordingly.
...and if you were around when this was first put up, uh...Hi? I'm not dead? This fic has not and, I fear, will never die and I'm determined to see this shit through. As a bonus, this has been worked over and fixed for flow and clarification.
~white, surge red~
:part four:
(…it's been thirteen days…)
"Sasuke told me that you didn't care."
Naruto freezes in place and can't help the shiver on his spine. Sasuke…what? He told them…what? His fingers jerk over the kunai tumbling lazily in his fingers and he almost slices off his skin. He doesn't dare look over at Kakashi—it's bad enough the man is gathering his dirty laundry—but this…where did this come from? He hasn't even seen Sasuke since that stupid day in the training grounds—
"Is that true?"
Naruto scowls and flings the kunai into the wall. "I don't care. That we…you know."
"Ah," Kakashi murmurs. "So...you don't care about him?"
"I didn't say that!" Naruto snaps. "I just—it didn't bother Sasuke, did it? So I said it didn't bother me but it didn't do any good. He still hates me!"
"Hmmm," Kakashi goes and Naruto eyes him darkly with a wish that he hadn't thrown the kunai into the wall. "Is there anything else you want to talk about, Naruto?"
"No." Naruto mutters because Kakashi is really saying, 'Is there anything else about Sasuke, Naruto?' so he gives one of his fiercest glares—even though he's not really mad, he just doesn't want to talk about it. So instead he says, "Are you done yet? I'm hungry—don't you have to get me food, too?"
"Ah, yes, I suppose…"
-::-
"Ah, Hokage-sama, if you have a moment," comes a quiet voice as Tsunade makes her way through the hallway to her office. It startles her from the circling thoughts about Naruto's condition that plague her, and she lifts her head with a half-hidden wince.
"Councilman Danzo," she replies. "What can I do for you?"
The man's visible singular eye crinkles at her, warmly, as he smiles. "I've heard," he begins. "That you've had some trouble with the Uzumaki boy. Hiruzen kept me aware of the...status...of his condition, but—"
"But?" she responds, and knows her expression has cooled into stiff formality. "As you're aware, Councilman, Naruto doesn't fall into your jurisdiction. He poses no threat to the village in this state, as you must know."
"Of course, of course," Danzo raises a hand, gestures soothingly and she's surprised by how strong the urge to punch him is. She's never liked the duplicitous nature of the man, never quite trusted him and instincts prick at her even now. "I was merely asking after his welfare and seek reassurance for the sake of the Council at large."
Sighing, Tsunade grimaces as the man falls into step beside her. "He's fine, as far as I can tell. But his chakra seems to be re-balancing itself."
"For no reason?"
"None that I'm able to easily discern, yet nor discuss at length with you."
"How strange," the man muses. "I suppose you're doing all you can to maintain the seal—"
Oh, how she hates the politics of this village sometimes, all vague threats and implications. "What exactly do you want, Danzo?" she cuts him off as they reach the farthest point of the hall, where the doorway to her office and rooms await.
His gaze is placid and unbending when he meets her eyes. Then he smiles genially, again. "Please don't hesitate to rely on me, Hokage-sama, should you need the help."
"Let me make this clear," she narrows her eyes at him. "If—if—I require your assistance with this matter in the future, I will seek you out. Until then, you will keep yourself and your Anbu out of this matter."
The smile creases the corner of his eye and she knows, somehow, she hasn't quite won. Hasn't lost, but not an impasse, either. He reaches for the door and pushes it open for her, a gesture of deference.
"The responsibility is still yours, Hokage-sama," he murmurs. "My offer still stands."
-::-
Sasuke can't stand it. He's thinking about it too much. Nearly two weeks and all he knows is that Naruto's sick, just like he said. It should be painful, this amusement that Naruto is sick. That Naruto couldn't get out of bed. That Naruto couldn't even train and Sasuke almost wants to be worried at that.
Almost, but not quite because something still stings at the mere thought of Naruto.
Thinking this much on the subject of Naruto should bother him more than it does, like it did the weeks before when it was painful to think of him—
—sick-sick-he's sick—
—even though it still bothers him that Naruto probably doesn't care yet. He won't care; he's too stubborn. Sasuke knows this because he knows how Naruto works and—he didn't care.
And, oh how it burns at him even as he is distinctly aware of Sakura's claim of Naruto being sick and Sasuke wants to laugh.
Instead, he keeps walking because today was another day of training and pushes the thoughts from his head. It wouldn't do to keep thinking of it (even though he does) because Naruto, sick bedridden Naruto is strictly off limits. Not even Sakura is allowed to visit and Sasuke knows exactly why the Hokage would never let him be around Naruto.
So he keeps walking and swallows his anger and holds tight onto his patience; he couldn't do anything else yet. Not yet.
—just wait. Just wait, dobe just wait because you can't be sick forever—
-::-
(…adding on thirty-six days…)
After everything that's happened, Naruto finds himself almost used to the idea that he isn't allowed to leave his apartment. It hadn't bothered him very much after the first week—even though it had cost him two chairs and three replaced windows after finding out that he was 'safer' inside—it doesn't bother him.
So he sits sprawled out on his couch in three-day old clothing. He can't seem to find the energy to get up, wonders briefly if this was what Kakashi had warned him about, this lackluster to life, and merely sniffs in annoyance. He's tired, but it's an all-over body ache that he's used to now because everything makes him tired. He's always tired and the last month he's spent at least half of it out cold.
He's never been so bored in his life, but to keep himself from walking back down the broken-glass avenue of hurt in his head—
(where Sasuke is)
—Naruto watches the sky through the narrow living-room window. He wonders what time exactly Kakashi would stop by to drop off the various food-stuffs and/or to pick up the dirty clothes Naruto never cleans. Or maybe Tsunade-hag would visit, and tell him useless stuff again...but he doesn't think she will.
So instead he wonders about Kakashi or the way the sunlight brings the dustmotes into life. His window is cracked enough to let fresh air in; sometimes he stands before it and lets the air touch him, but this time he stays in place and his thoughts cycle back—Kakashi should be here anytime, now, with food and clothes and maybe a scroll to study.
I want to be outside.
He wonders if today would be the day Kakashi would surprise him with questions, like on the first horrible day…but he doesn't think it'll happen.
I want to be training.
Some part of Naruto feels that he should be embarrassed that Kakashi was doing his laundry, buying food and generally playing housewife to him...
…but I'm worthless…
But he doesn't; the rest of him is too caught up in his anxious, sick-feeling world to pay attention to the rest of life.
...there's something wrong with me.
Wrong—wrong wrong wrong and Naruto almost wishes Kakashi would ask again, just so he could finally say there was something wrong, maybe even talk about it…but he doesn't want to, all the same. It still hurts too much because it isn't just about him, this hurt that goes deeper than anything before and it makes it worse because he can't get past it.
It echoes through Naruto's head like dirty laughter, like clawing hands and biting mouths, following him until he closes his eyes and his body drags him back into sleeping.
-::-
Sakura is sprawled out as prettily as she can manage on the dusty, ripped-up grass. Their sparring sessions have gotten better once Sasuke had decided that it was easier to train and keep her quiet than have her hanging on his arm all day.
It's easier to kick her ass than his—
No. Sliding the door on that thought. No. Sasuke is distinctly aware of Kakashi nearby but can't see the man. He can't bring himself to really care, and now he's almost fifty yards away and kicking relentlessly at the battered tree. Fragments of wood and bark litter the ground and he makes it a practice to use sweeps of his chakra to send them flinging away.
Over a month and a half and his chakra control has gotten much much finer and a part of him twists eagerly in the need to show off this control—it's been months without a competent partner, months with constant, mind-blanking exercises and bruised muscles and skin and bleeding—
Seventy-two days, he thinks and can't stop the thought from completion. Seventy-two days of sheer anger. Frustration. Cycles of hate into destructiveness into a stubborn never think of that bastard again while his body flows from stance to stance—
It's been seventy-two days since he didn't care, the little voice reminds Sasuke, and the shuriken he's reaching for cuts him on the tip of his finger and he won't let it go.
...and one hundred and four since you chased him down and pushed him down and didn't it feel good the little voice reminds him and blood drips off his finger but he throws the weapon anyway.
Sasuke doesn't want to thinkof the idiot but he refuses to let it go.
Gritting his teeth and feeling the sting from cracked, dry lips, Sasuke twists his body over and down and spins on his hands, kicking out. The force of the momentum in his leg snaps through the aged wood and splinters it; he rebounds away and crouches to absorb the impact of the ground and his gaze flies back to the tree—for a moment, he hears his own laughter mocking him—but there is no real visible damage aside from the shattered outside.
Something whispers there's still a chance and Sasuke lets his legs give way and sprawls backward. He stares at the sky because he is too tired to turn his head and all he can see is blue.
—still—I can still—
(see blue)
—play it further. It isn't over.
...seventy-two days Sasuke closes his eyes against the color of the sky and swallows back bitterness and tries to keep himself breathing instead of screaming and the dirt is hard beneath his nails. ...and I still don't know anything—is all that floats through his head before a shadow falls across his face.
"Sasuke?"
Opening black eyes into too-soft green, the Uchiha slides his gaze back into the sky. "What is it?" he rasps. She looks too happy to be training and he hates it because that look means something's up and he won't like it.
"Guess what! Kakashi said we could come with him to visit Naruto, today!" she smiles at him and Sasuke's insides clench in response. He blinks at her. Visit...They could visit...He could—
—it isn't—
"He has to drop some things off, you see, and he said that he'll need our help carrying it! Come on, what are you, a plant? Get up!"
Absently, he takes the offered hand and allows the girl to pull him to his feet and tries to stop from swaying and swallows back the excitement. It mixes with the bitterness enough to let him take a few steps so he pulls his hand out of Sakura's grip and lets the corner of his mouth twitch into a smile.
—because it isn't over.
-::-
"—sleeping on the couch when I arrived and I didn't want to disturb him. You're late, by the way," is the first strained mutter that Sasuke hears from his Hokage.
...sleeping? Sasuke feels vague disappointment and refuses to acknowledge it. He's sleeping—
"He's sleeping, is he? Well, training went a bit late, you see—" Kakashi stalls, moving forward and then Sasuke's moving forward; Sakura's already slipped into the apartment—he can see the door, the Hokage and her confused expression at Sakura's presence, the glimpse of the bare room behind her—
Sasuke shudders just a tiny bit with the memory of a heavy palm even though he knows she can't see him from where she stands. He gleans a bit of selfish amusement by knowing she won't be happy at all to see him there.
—but now Tsunade can see him and Sasuke forces his face into neutral and watches her face go from puzzled to downright furious.
"What the hell are you trying to do, Kakashi?" the woman hisses, one hand cracking out onto the jamb of the door to prevent him entry. Her words are directed at Kakashi, but her gaze is focused only on Sasuke and it takes everything he can just to keep his back straight.
"Do?" Kakashi replies mildly. "They're helping me deliver Naruto's groceries, and they get to visit. Well, not really since he's sleeping, but you get the point. They are a team—"
"I don't care!" Tsunade snaps. "I am not going to make things worse—"
"Tsunade-sama," Kakashi speaks quietly before she can raise her hand to strike him—Sasuke can see she wants to; he knows it's there in her head—and Kakashi pauses long enough to inhale and finally whispers so quietly that Sasuke has to strain all of his concentration to catch some of the words "...he isn't improving. Maybe—"
The woman's dark stare slides to the taller man and they both stop speaking and Sasuke gets the distinct impression there is a world of words going between them. Part of him wonders in horror—
—not improving? As in, he's getting worse? What the hell does 'Maybe' have to do with it?—
—before the better part of his mind takes control again and he sneers at the insult of not knowing anythingand listens harder when Kakashi mutters something else.
"...sleeping...won't wake up...nothing will...a harmless visit, Tsunade-sama."
Sasuke wants to think on just what Kakashi could mean, wants to store the words tight in his mind to analyze later, but the moment the woman's protective, warning glare slides in his direction, his first instinct is to straighten and scowl back. She won't let me in, he thinks. She won't I won't have a chance—and plastic crinkles between his fingers.
Somewhere, Sasuke hears the horrified squawk of "...doesn't he ever clean!" that Sakura lets out.
With one last glance to Kakashi, the Hokage leans forward and gets into his face and Sasuke has to lock his legs to stay there, to keep from backing down. So close and she whispers to him, "If you in any way compromise my situation, Uchiha..."
It's easy enough to imagine the threat so Sasuke doesn't let the nasty words out of his mouth and merely nods in minimal deference. The Hokage steps back, crossing her arms but Sasuke's moving past her so quickly he doesn't catch the glance that goes back to Kakashi.
The first impression, once he manages to stop the thoughts from spiraling deeper, is that the apartment is definitely Naruto. He doesn't know how, or why. There are small clues like the stockpile of kunai half-hidden on a shelf, the scrolls, the dusty Kakashi doll kicked in the corner…and…
This was Naruto's apartment. Filthy and sour-smelling, it was Naruto's apartment. It was smaller than expected, ill-kept and plain and Sasuke thinks over everything mine is better without even realizing it.
...but it was still Naruto's apartment—and—and Naruto was supposed to be sleeping on the couch, right? Unable to wake?
Something twists inside him because the couch is only a few feet away and Naruto is on the couch. A small, curled-up Naruto ball under a blanket that Sasuke's sure the Hokage had placed there. Naruto. After seventy-two days his first sight is the curve of one whiskered cheek and a bare, outstretched arm.
Sasuke wants to stop and push him off the couch—stupid weak worthless dobe, he thinks—wants to do something but he doesn't know what and he can't stop; it'd look too strange. Sasuke forces his legs to move, thinking of the bag in his hands. He turns towards the small open-sided kitchen and drops the bags onto the counter and ignores the thud-thump in his middle.
—seventy-two dayswisps through his head right above the walk right back over there and hurt you—
Sasuke focuses on the sound of the door shutting. Kakashi must have left, although Sasuke isn't sure why. But it doesn't matter. From the corner of his eye, Sasuke watches the woman slide one last, angry glance in his general direction and hates the look on her face. Hates it. Absolutely hates it because it means that he's not ever going to get past that.
—better I'm better—
But she's still watching him and Sasuke suspects she'll watch him all the goddamn time if she had her way; he gives himself the mild comfort that it probably pisses her off to have him here where her precious, stupid Naruto is. There's an even deeper, darker thought on the fact that Naruto is so weak weak weakand unable to maintain a basic chakra level. Weak enough to fall into a trap or a jutsu or anything that causes such a thing.
—better than you—
A part of him wishes that Tsunade wasn't even around so Sasuke could have fun by rubbing Naruto's face in his illness—wrong or right, it gnaws tightly into his gut until all he wants to do is turn around, point, and laugh.
Or more because he knows that Naruto couldn't even stop him and it would end up hurting his stupid, oversized ego…
Instead, Sasuke yanks open a drawer and dumps out the cheap, freeze-dried noodles and seasoning kind of ramen—he dumps them right onto the small assortment of utensils. Hah, he thinks all petty and childish with the absurdity of it and shuts the drawer, ramen and all. Have fun finding this stupid shit. Because he doesn't care one bit if it's in the wrong place or not.
Not one damn bit.
-::-
Kakashi arrives only five minutes late to the small, seedy bar, which is a feat in itself considering his reputation. The minute he steps through the door, Jiraiya waves him to a seat and pours himself a second drink. Kakashi pauses to glance at Jiraiya and shrugs. "You requested my presence?" Kakashi drawls after a nod.
"I did. Sit, if you would." Jiraiya leans on an elbow and tosses back the sake. "...about the situation with Naruto."
"Oh?" Kakashi prompts when it's clear he's not ready to finish the sentence, and quickly finds out why he seems distasteful of the matter.
"I want to know what you think about Uchiha. And Naruto. And…everything else."
"…am I allowed to discuss this with you?" Kakashi lifts his own sake dish and sips deeply. "I don't want to compromise anything."
"The great Hokage and I are the only ones who really know what's going on with Naruto. Tsunade's the one who decided to keep most of it a secret," Jiraiya points out. "If anything, we should be discussing what this means with that stupid Uchiha brat who screwed him."
"…you think Sasuke should know?" Kakashi muses.
"You don't?" Jiraiya fixes a glare on Kakashi and the man remembers that this dirty old geezer had taught the one who taught him and shivers, just a bit. "That brat is unstable and so is the bitchy little Uchiha boy. They fucked, they fought, Tsunade's got a nail up her ass on keeping them apart, and how are they now, huh?"
Kakashi has to admit the old man has a point, smiles, and swallows his sake. "Well, I did take that into consideration; I have them visiting Naruto today. Maybe something will happen."
"Probably," Jiraiya sucks on one sake-splashed finger. "Oh, by the way, you have a mission coming up," and there's a sly smile on that bland, wrinkled face. "You'll need to find a replacement in five hours."
-::-
Two hours later Kakashi still isn't back and Sasuke can tell that even the Hokage is annoyed. He makes sure to stay as far away as possible—even though it brings him almost too close to where Naruto's sleeping—
…close-so close-close enough to touch—he makes sure to keep the woman farther, because it's likely she'll take it out on him and he already knows just how creepy-strong she is.
But Sasuke can see Naruto's face or at least part of it and shudders. His fingers are itching and there's a funny sort of numbness just on the edge of his neck and he—can't even stop the urge—he just wants to go over to Naruto and…something.
He's only four or five feet or so away. Anything will do—
—but Sasuke prefers something violent and painful—
…hate you. hate you-hate you-hate you something cries out in his middle, bright and familiar. He buries himself in it to give himself patience even though the need to hurt that stupid dobe is almost stronger than his control; the need is the thought that he keeps it all in line.
So he stands there, ignoring the nearness of Sakura to lean on the wall and stare stubbornly at the clock that's thirty-eight minutes behind. He stares at it and nothing else because the Hokage is watching him even as she folds up clothing and stores it away.
In fact, the room has fallen into a deceptive, peaceful quiet that has Sasuke's skin tingling on the edges. It's quiet, very quiet and she's watching him with that horrible, speculative look. He hates that look almost more than the revulsion he normally sees in her eyes. Hates it and it only gets worse every time he sees it on the face of someone who knows about him, knows about everything—
"—Sasuke?" and Sakura's there somehow in his face again and he wishes she would just vanish. He barely keeps from flinching when she leans in to whisper at him. "Is…there anything wrong? You've been quiet the entire time we've been here—you didn't do anything wrong, did you?"
"Why?" Sasuke mutters with his eyes turned elsewhere and thinks seventy-two days—only four feet—
"Because, I…um, well. It just, ah, seems that…" and she pauses so long that Sasuke finally turns a furious little glare at her and waits; inside, he can't feel anything but tired through his body and wonders when he started feeling the numb, hollow weariness. I was barely winded, he thinks. I have no reason to feel tired.
"Did you and Naruto have a fight?"
The thoughts of being tired flicker away. Pausing ever so carefully, Sasuke shifts his arms in disdain and mutters without even looking, "What are you talking about?"
"Did you?" Sakura insists. "I mean, all you guys ever do is fight, but…you keep watching him and Tsunade-sama is watching you and she seems mad at you."
She's worried, Sasuke realizes, staring down at her. She's noticed and she's worried and—and it's over Naruto. Over him. Over the both of them and it isn't any of her business. It's not. And then he's so blindly angry that she's hit so close to the mark and what if the Hokage hears such stupid words? He doesn't even know if he can manage to find the strength to acknowledge such—such—
—I was watching him!?
"S-Sasuke, don't look at me like that," the girl speaks softly and twines her fingers. "I'm just worried about you—"
"I don't need your worry!" Sasuke hisses through his teeth. "—I don't need anything from you so stay the hell away from me!"
"Sa-Sasuke…"
God she's going to cry and Sasuke hates the thought and the sickness of it is thick in his throat. Exhausted to the point of sheer cruelty, he stares at Sakura as her back straightens and her mouth trembles and almost dares her to cry. The tears are there in her eyes and she's shaking from the hurt that Sasuke is spreading. He dares her—and she hunches to avoid it and can't; her gaze drops and Sasuke lets himself huff in annoyance.
"…asshole," comes a mumble and Sakura gasps and Sasuke whips his head up. Did she just—
No, she wouldn't—she wasn't even looking at him.
"…always—" comes through the sound of a yawn. "Always an asshole."
Then Naruto is half-upright, rubbing at his eyes and glaring at them through the sleepiness imprinted on his face. "Whuaah," he yawns again. "Wha're you guys doin' here?"
Sasuke can't avoid his eyes—they're bluer than he remembered—and stares as Naruto frowns in his half-unconscious way. Naruto wasn't supposed to be awake; the Hokage had said so.
But he was.
…his shirt is too big for him, Sasuke thinks inanely and can't tear his eyes away and flinches when Sakura wheezes in shock again.
"Tsunade-sama!" she finally shouts. "Tsunade-sama!"
Sasuke wants to laugh when Naruto's face turns confused and panicked, even though he's just as surprised.
"Stop yelling, Sakura, I'm right here." the Hokage is calling over an armload of bedsheets. She must have been in the bedroom; Sasuke hadn't even noticed when she left.
"What's the problem—It's not the roaches again, is it? I know I got rid of all of them—"
"Tsunade-sama, Naruto is—he's—" and Sakura is shaking so bad that she resorts to pointing to where the tousled blond head is visible over the back of the couch.
"Hey! What's going on!" Naruto yelps. "Why are you guys here? Stop staring at me, you bastard!"
"Naruto?" the Hokage gasps and Sasuke tears his eyes away just in time to see the bedsheets whumping to the floor and the woman gawking at the three of them. Naruto is looking back and forth with the expression of the fatally confused and Sasuke isn't sure when he started smirking. He's too tired to care and leans his head against the wall to keep his head from turning.
"Tell me what's going on!" Naruto drags the blanket closer around his shoulders. "Did I fall asleep for a week this time? What is it? What? What!"
"Naruto," Tsunade exhales and Sasuke wonders if she's in shock. "It's still Friday."
"Eh?"
"You weren't supposed to wake up!" she tells him and then she's finally moving towards the blond. "You fell asleep today, Naruto! Today!" and she sits on the couch with the puzzlement written all over her.
"What? What do you mean, today?" Naruto's voice is oddly shrill when the Hokage takes his wrists, then his head between her palms. "Dammit you old hag, what's going on and how come they're here!"
"Be quiet," the woman snaps and Naruto's mouth shuts with a click and Sasuke wants to laugh at the paleness spreading across his skin. They've forgotten that he was there or they're ignoring him but he doesn't care.
This wasn't supposed to happen, Sasuke thinks, mind reeling. But this will do.
-::-
This is a bad thing. This has to be a bad thing—Naruto knows it's a bad thing. If it wasn't they wouldn't be here and he'd probably still be sleeping—but sleeping was bad too, wasn't it? A part of him thinks I'm dreaming. I have to be dreaming.
But it's not a dream.
He's not asleep.
"…is this bad?" Naruto has to swallow to steady his voice. "It's not bad, is it? I thought I wasn't supposed to sleep like that—"
"Hush, Naruto, and let me look," the Hokage commands absently and he feels the chakra zing lightly against his skin.
Naruto pulls his lower lip in between his teeth and bites, shamed at the thought that Sasuke was here and he had no idea how to take that—why were they here? Why? he thinks and his eyes flicker in Sakura's direction first.
…something's wrong, he thinks and Sasuke's smirking again with that tiny, horrible, gleeful look that Naruto can't stand.
"What's going on, Tsunade-sama?" Sakura whispers. "Is Naruto okay?"
The Hokage takes her hands away and tucks them into her lap. "He's fine," she says slowly and Naruto knows she isn't really listening; she's thinking too hard. Something is bothering her and she's thinking so hard about it that she doesn't seem to care that Sasuke is right there.
I'm not fine! he wants to scream out. I'm not! Something's wrongexcept he had no idea how to tell them this. He doesn't want to tell them; Sasuke would know and Sasuke would—he would—
(hateme)
—Sasuke would most certainly mock him for such weakness and Naruto can see it there, waiting in the darkness of the eyes.
So he hunches with his face turned away, listening as Tsunade stands and makes a humming noise under her breath and he doesn't watch when she starts to take small, even steps around his living room. He can sense her make three loops before he lets himself take a breath and he realizes he's shaking. This was bad. This was badbadbad—His heartbeat is knocking through his middle, knocking so loud he thinks he'll throw up—
"Hello?"
Naruto jumps at the noise like a startled cat, head spinning to face it—
But it was only Kakashi at the door, knocking, calling out "Hello?" and poking his head through the gap. "Oh, you're all still here? I thought you'd be long gone by now."
"Hey, we were waiting for you!" Sakura gestures wildly. "And we did your job, I might add!"
"Where the hell have you been?" Tsunade snaps a split second after her.
"Ah, sorry, sorry. I got caught up in helping these ants—Oh, hello, Naruto, I didn't know you were awake."
"Ants! What the hell do I pay you for if you're out watching bugs?"
"Well, it's not important now—Hokage-sama, can I have a moment?"
The woman stops her pacing and Naruto peeks over the back of the couch to make sure it's nothing serious; he can't help but feel somewhat paranoid and the uneasy swirly feeling in his stomach won't go away. It might have something to do with Sasuke still standing there—but Naruto won't let himself think on that.
He doesn't want to think much of anything, at the moment, and wraps himself back in his blanket and tries to breathe as evenly as possible. This shouldn't be bad, he knows. It shouldn't. The excess of sleeping—that was bad. This…he woke up, right? He was getting better, right?
Tsunade crosses her arms and stomps over to where Kakashi is and stands there, waiting. They begin to talk in murmurs and Sakura plops herself down next to Naruto with a "Now he shows up after everything's done!" and Naruto smiles and hides it.
He had to be getting better. He had visitors. Had to be—which mean he would be able to leave the apartment sometime. He hadn't realized how much he had missed the complaining and excuses and—
—well, almost everything.
"Are you okay?" Sakura whispers with a wary glance. "What'd she mean, you weren't supposed to wake up? You didn't strain yourself again, did you?"
Hesitating, Naruto shrugs. "Um, no, I'm just…I just fall asleep. Sometimes I don't wake up for a while. It's gotten pretty regular."
"Like before? When you slept for three days?
"Yeah, only last month I was awake about four days of the week." Naruto turns his head away from looking at Sasuke, frowning. "So…why'd you guys came with Kakashi today? How come you didn't visit me before?"
"We weren't allowed," Sasuke draws up one shoulder. "Hokage's orders."
Naruto looks at Sasuke far longer than he wants to and scowls for reasons he classifies as 'rivalry' and tightens his grip upon the blanket. He doesn't want to look at Sasuke. Sasuke reminds him of everything and all the wrongness he feels and under all the hurting he can still hear Sasuke saying 'worthless' in that mocking, superior voice and he hates it—
"Wait—what! You're saying Uchiha should be your replacement? No way! No way in hell will I allow—"
Tensing again at the unexpected noise, Naruto glances to see Tsunade and Kakashi arguing in silence and he wonders why Tsunade is shouting; he knows they're talking about him and his middle squeezes up and he sinks low on the couch, anxious. What are they saying? What about Sasuke? Is that why he's here?
"Huh. I wonder what that's all about," Sakura glances at Sasuke a moment after Naruto does. She pauses and whispers, "Why is Kakashi using a jutsu to prevent spies?"
"How should I know?" Sasuke grumbles.
Watching Sasuke's face, Naruto can see nothing but mirrored confusion and an odd, uncertain expression. But he doesn't like the sensation cooling his stomach; he doesn't like it when Sasuke glances back and smirks again and he wants to get up and punch Sasuke upside his head and scream at him and hurt him back for once, because it's all that Sasuke ever seems to do, hurting people.
But he can't; his middle twists and his throat tightens and he thinks of all the things they've done together from fighting to sparring to something as unclear as sex and he can't.
-::-
"What did you want to say, Kakashi?" Tsunade whispers softly and keeps her expression as hostile as possible.
"Ah, you see…there's been a complication."
"What kind of complication?"
"Well…I've got a mission but I've already found a replacement, so you needn't worry, Hokage-sama."
Over the silence between them, Tsunade can hear the hesitant conversation behind her and takes a breath before whispering back, "Wait, what? What are you talking about, a mission?" She pauses. "Replacement?"
"Well…" Kakashi drawls out. "Since Sasuke seems to be a factor in Naruto's condition, I was thinking—"
"Wait—what!You're saying Uchiha should be your replacement?" Tsunade snaps, indignant and bristling. "No way! No way in hell will I allow—"
"Hokage-sama—" Kakashi sighs and his hands start blurring into a series of seals that she recognizes. "Wait a moment, please—"
She knows the jutsu and narrows her eyes; she bites her tongue to keep from screaming anything else.
When Kakashi starts to speak again, his voice is low and regular and echoing around them. "With all due respect…Both of us know that Naruto's condition has been declining, right? You said it yourself that it's possibly a result of his mental state; as his teacher, I know very well that Naruto lets his emotions lead him."
"But—!"
"They fought, didn't they? Did you ever ask why Sasuke decided to, well, do what he did? Did you know that Naruto thinks that Sasuke hates him?" he pauses. "There is something between them, something happening."
Tsunade takes her chance as Kakashi inhales and hisses "—their rivalry has nothing to do with this!"
"I think it has everything to do with this! With the chance that Naruto's state of body depends on his mental well-being, Hokage-sama, I am not about to discredit something as potent as a rivalry between teammates! They have fought each other as much as they guard each other—" Kakashi retorts and for the first time Tsunade can hear the worry rising in his voice. "It's unbelievable what that boy is capable of based simply on his emotions—you know this! You've seen this."
"But you're asking me to allow his rapist to visit him on a daily basis!"
"I am," Kakashi says simply, expressionless. "But I'm certain it's more complicated that."
"I can't allow this! I won't!" She jabs a vicious finger in his direction, furiously spitting out, "Naruto's condition is more than just a hormonal state! More than just emotions! There are instincts seeping through the seal that I don't understand yet! Instincts that Naruto can't deal with! You are risking too many things—"
"And if I'm right?" Kakashi replies just as heatedly. "If I'm right in assuming that Sasuke—broken, heartsick Sasuke just might care about Naruto? Hokage-sama, please, give Sasuke a chance. If Naruto's condition doesn't improve, you may do as you wish."
"Goddammit Hatake Kakashi—you are asking too much!"
Kakashi lets his silence answer for him and waits. Tsunade clenches her fists, crossing and uncrossing her arms until finally, angrily, she turns to him. I was afraid, she thinks, lost. I was afraid it might come to this.
"…Do you trust Uchiha that much?" Tsunade's voice is as bitter as her expression. "This could break him—" but she isn't sure about which one she means.
"No, but Naruto does," Kakashi whispers, hands forming the 'release' jutsu. "Isn't that more important?"
-::-
When Kakashi dispels the jutsu and their voices float back into the room, Naruto wants to scream. Something has happened; he just doesn't know what. He watches as they finally turn and walk closer.
Something big.
Something bad, if Tsunade's expression is any indication. She hasn't looked like this since he woke up in the hospital. His heart jumps to his throat and he can't swallow it back to its proper place.
"Tsunade-hag?" Naruto manages to say. "What's going on?"
She glances at him briefly, then glares at Sasuke. "Uchiha Sasuke," Tsunade rasps. "You will be assuming Kakashi's duties while he is away on mission."
When it sinks in with icy teeth, dimly, Naruto hears himself whisper "What?"
—this can't be true—
Sasuke is…he'll…he'll be here every day…
—and he can't stop it when all of everything comes crashing down on him—now he has to deal with Sasuke—and suddenly he's so angry the tears are blurring his vision and he can't stop shaking. "You're making him take care of me?"
"Consider it a punishment for Uchiha," Tsunade replies and she still hasn't looked at him. "I don't like it any more than you, Naruto."
"But he doesn't have to—"
"Dammit, Naruto, you don't get a choice!" Tsunade snaps back. "Uchiha seems to be the only variable that—"
"Bullshit! You're so full of shit you stupid bitch I can't—I'm the one who's sick—I don't care what you think—I don't want him here—" Naruto's voice cracks and he shrieks. "He hates me!"
One breath and then another turns into a frustrated sob and Naruto can't stop shaking, thinking—hates me he hates me because I'm worthless and I won't—Naruto clenches his hands so hard he can't feel his fingers anymore and he doesn't dare look at Sasuke—doesn't dare because he'd have that stupid look on his face and Naruto knows he'll end up doing something worse than yelling if he looks. He hates the feeling of helpless, pointless hurt bruising up inside him and he would give anything in the world to be normal.
—he wants it so much and it never happens—
"Naruto—" Tsunade is saying and she's coming closer.
—hates me he hates me everyone hates me—
Before she can touch him Naruto snarls something high in his throat, swinging at her through his tears. Somehow he has enough strength to bounce from the couch and dash for his bedroom. No one follows and Naruto takes enough pleasure in slamming his door that he does it five more times just to make the point.
No, this can't be happening—I can't—I don't want him around if he hates me!
-::-
Sasuke can't find the words for the emotion choking through him. Fear. Hate. Anger. The echoes of the slamming door are fading. Need. He's done it. Joy. There's his chance on a silver fucking platter and now all he has to do is measure it out.
The woman is going to kill him but oh isn't it worth it—
"That could've gone better," Kakashi says, quietly. "Well—come on, Sakura. Time for us to leave!"
"But—" the girl starts and Sasuke can't look in her direction—he'll start grinning if he does, and he knows he won't be able to stop. Kakashi has her by the arm and he's shaking his head at her.
"Don't worry, Sakura—they'll be fine. Hokage-sama, I trust you'll inform Sasuke of his duties?"
"Yes," Tsunade murmurs and Sasuke watches her wipe a shaking hand over her face. "Thank you, Kakashi."
Sasuke can't stop himself from shaking and listens to the door close behind them. Seventy-two days and all he had to do was wait long enough and now—god, now, now he can—
Naruto looked so…angry. I've never seen him so upset… Sasuke feels wicked and gleeful and horridly amused at all of it. So angry and it's all my fault.
"Do you understand this, Uchiha?" The Hokage is saying and Sasuke barely keeps the grin off his face.
"I haven't been informed on this situation…Hokage-sama."
"And you won't know unless Naruto decides otherwise, brat—" she snaps and stops when he flinches, slightly; she grinds her teeth shut and Sasuke waits while she exhales. "Naruto is unstable. His chakra is unstable. His moods are unstable. The source of his problem is his discretion. No one visits and your responsibility is to watch him, drop off his clean clothes, groceries and whatever else he might need. If you have questions, ask Kakashi."
"I understand," Sasuke says, uncrossing his arms and standing straight. "I'll be going now."
"Uchiha—" the woman begins as he nears the door. Out of habit he stops to listen and she continues, "You assuming responsibility for this situation and you don't even know what you're dealing with. If his condition worsens…"
There is a strange look on her face and Sasuke wonders in the back of his head what it means—she looks sad and afraid, all at once—
"If there are any changes in appearance or demeanor, you will notify me immediately."
"Of course." Sasuke replies with a touch of mockery. "Hokage-sama."
She follows him out of the door and they part ways at the street in silence, and Sasuke walks out into the sunshine with the giddy, falling sensation that he couldn't outrun.
—now—no more waiting no more—
But he tries when he's sure no one is watching—tries his hardest to outrun it, heart pounding and muscles burning until the trees and grass and sky blur around him. Then when everything's melted away he stops, looking back, breathless, spinning, falling until the ground hits him and he's flat on his back, laughing.
-::-
Tsunade tracks Kakashi down to a small, seedy bar; when she steps inside she finds the man in the back corner with Jiraiya. She sits down and snatches the bottle of sake, silent for ten minutes while she works over her anger to say, "Was it absolutely necessary?"
Kakashi has to nod and she doesn't miss the way he checks for escape routes. "Yeah, well…you didn't see them every day. Naruto wasn't getting better. Give him a mission, give him something to do, give him something to keep his attention and he doesn't stop chattering; mention Sasuke to him and his entire personality breaks down. Sasuke hurts him. Hurts him worse than all the misguided hatred of the village because he wants Sasuke to respect him."
"…and Uchiha?"
"Sasuke…well, I can't say for sure. He's angry and frustrated because Naruto can push all his buttons; Naruto fights with him and refuses to admit anything to Sasuke—I don't know if Sasuke knows how to have a friend. He's barely capable of being social, but I know he craves it even if he isn't aware of it."
Tsunade takes a second pull of the drink and drops her eyes, rubbing them. "He's a lonely boy. He's afraid of it. Afraid of Naruto. Afraid of something. I watched the way he looked at Naruto, Kakashi, and he can't even let himself think of whatever it is, it scares him that much."
"…so now we wait," Jiraiya belches from the corner. "and hope that there's a few buildings left in Konoha when it's over."
"What do you mean, 'a few buildings left'?"
"Ah, well, don't worry!" Kakashi waves a hand, laughing. "If I'm right, then Naruto's condition will improve and they'll be trading insults and fists as usual."
"Aren't you taking this a little lightly?" Tsunade glowers at him. "What if they trade more than just fists?"
"It's not really my problem—"
"The hell it isn't!" Tsunade roars, swinging a fist and the man has enough wits to duck out of the way. "Kakashi—!"
"It's not like we could stop them if they really got into it," Jiraiya points out, grinning. "Unless you wanna go watch, Tsunade-hime—ow! Hey! Goddamit—!"
-::-
(day one)
The first day of Sasuke's new 'mission' goes uneventful. There is no need for him to bring more foodstuffs, so all Sasuke does is kick the dirty clothes into a corner. There is no urge to clean.
Sasuke is distinctly aware of how Naruto watches him from a crack in his bedroom door and doesn't bother to look his way. He finishes everything needed and leaves within ten minutes of arrival.
-::-
(day two)
The first words Naruto address to Sasuke is a resounding "You ugly bitch!" when his clothes are dropped on his bed, still wet from the wash.
Sasuke leaves, smirking, and Naruto breaks the only chair he has left by throwing it out the window.
-::-
(day five)
Naruto wakes to see Sasuke peering down at him and hits him in the face with a pillow out of sheer instinct.
"You need to eat," Sasuke tells him sourly after grabbing the pillow away. "Sit up."
Naruto hisses at him and calls him the worst words he can think of when Sasuke grabs a bowl of soup or something and shoves into his hands. He doesn't seem to care that it splashes onto Naruto's hands.
"Eat it," Sasuke commands, walking away. "I'm not making any more."
"Fuck you!" Naruto throws the bowl at the back of Sasuke's head and misses. The stain on the wall would linger for days.
After that, Sasuke places the bowl of whatever he decides to make on the table and Naruto waits until he leaves to eat, cold or not.
-::-
(day six)
Sasuke triggers three traps just walking into the room and has to activate his sharingan just to dodge the weapons that come flying at him. He drops the bag of ramen on the floor—tripping a sensor—and rolls to avoid the whipping wire that nearly slashes his face. The after-breeze stirs his hair and something spatters on his leg—he looks down and sees water or some sort of liquid soaking into his pants.
Foul-smelling, nose-burning liquid—
"I take it you trapped the entire apartment?" Sasuke asks, scowling. He knows better than to move, and doesn't really expect an answer. When Naruto just shows his teeth in a grin from the couch, Sasuke keeps his face neutral.
"Are you gonna leave?" Naruto replies, and Sasuke knows the look on his face and wants to hit him when he sees a smirk on that whiskered face. "You can't avoid them all, you know."
"I'll consider it training, then," Sasuke responds and sweeps his glance around.
Ten minutes later, singed and frazzled but unhurt, Sasuke walks triumphantly out the door even though Naruto is still watching him with that amused, unholy look. I didn't miss any traps, he thinks. So why—
He gets as far as three blocks before he realizes there are dogs following him, sniffing and growling and Sasuke looks down at his pants and the damp stain, cursing violently.
-::-
(day eight)
Tsunade is there for a check-up when Sasuke walks through the door. Naruto doesn't even bother to look at him when Tsunade gives a sniff of annoyance. Naruto almost expects her to set Sasuke on fire with just a look, but she ignores his presence.
Sasuke walks into the kitchen and puts the fruit he bought into the freezer, drops the ramen into the sink, and drags the trash bag out the door without looking once in their direction.
"Well." Tsunade raises a brow after the door swings shut. "I see you've used the dog-piss prank."
To his credit, Naruto manages a passably innocent look and smiles.
-::-
(day nine)
It's dark and Naruto is far from feeling tired. He can't sleep. He can't even lay down without smelling the different scent of the laundry soap that still lingers on his clothing and sheets. It must be the brand Sasuke uses—
But he doesn't want to know what brand Sasuke uses and sits on his bed with his arms hanging out of the window and exhales.
"…I hate you. You're such a prick, Sasuke." He mumbles, making faces, shying away from the thought that at least Sasuke made things interesting and a tiny part of him that goes he can't ignore you now.
It bothers him to feel the nibble of emotion that leaps into his throat every time Sasuke shows up, every time he scowls or glares or does something. No matter what it is, Naruto refuses to admit on all but the deepest parts of himself that he still had questions, still wanted to know because 'I wanted to' wasn't really an answer.
Naruto stares out into the night and watches the dimming lights of the city around him and wonders when he stopped wanting Sasuke to ignore him and shudders. When did this happen? he thinks. When did I get so…when did this…when did I start to worry about what he thought?
Sasuke hates me—he said he hates me and he acts all high and mighty and he's such a prick—
A part of him burns because something about Sasuke pisses him off. Everything about Sasuke has that effect, Naruto decides once he lets himself think of it. Everything. Sasuke was such a two-faced, whiny little bitch—saying one thing and doing another—
"I can't believe I actually believed you wanted to," Naruto mutters to the non-existent Sasuke. "I'm still going to kick your ass. Just watch, Mr. Perfect."
-::-
(day eleven)
Naruto doesn't know when it started.
He doesn't usually try to talk to Sasuke—he doesn't want to talk to him so insults are his words of choice; he doesn't even want to look at him, but there's something about the way Sasuke is taking this like a mission or maybe it was the way he would simply show up, do the bare minimum, then leave—it might even be the arrogance that Naruto can't stand—but the aggression takes him before he can stop it and Naruto doesn't know why.
He doesn't know why or when or even how. He doesn't care. He's forgotten whatever insult had decided it for him and all he knows is that hurting Sasuke, besting him, being seen by him even if it means ripping out his hair is the most important thing and it's always been this way.
Even now it hasn't changed, Naruto realizes, bleeding from a hundred tiny slashes; a bowl had fallen and shattered when Naruto shoved Sasuke into the table. Now it's digging into the skin of his arms and stomach—Sasuke's on his back and they're viciously brawling and cursing and Naruto doesn't know when it started.
—and he doesn't care.
He revels in the solidity of fighting, the pain of future bruises, knowing that Sasuke might have the edge on him in training now and it's showing by how badly Naruto's getting his ass kicked but he's determined to give as good as he gets. Sasuke's got a fistful of blond hair and he's pulling Naruto's head back, slamming it forward and the only thing that stops a concussion is Naruto curling up an arm between him and the floor.
Tsunade-hag is going to kill both of us if she finds out, Naruto thinks, teeth bared in an almost-grin, getting a knee under his hips and pushing. Naruto elbows him in the face and the shift in balance sends Sasuke rolling. Naruto grins fiercely when the blood streaks the white skin from tiny slivers; he kicks a glass at Sasuke's head and follows him over just as quick. Sasuke manages to smack the heel of his palm into Naruto's chin, but the blond is already straddling him.
—can't ignore me—you can't ignore me now, bastard! he remembers thinking through the sting of his knuckles. Sasuke's able to divert most of the force in Naruto's blows, but he's bleeding from the nose and there are bruises on his face. There is a wild look under the blood and bruises and Naruto doesn't even question that Sasuke could be sane—he knows he isn't. This wouldn't happen if they were sane.
Naruto wants to laugh. He wants to squeeze something until it snaps. He wants something and it's all Sasuke's fault and somehow, he isn't surprised to hear his own voice break the silence with a cracked, shrill "Am I worthless now? Huh? You stupid, fucked-up bastard—"
Sasuke's got a deathgrip on his wrists and a painful knee drives the breath from his lungs and they're rolling and Naruto can feel the needle-prick of porcelain slivers digging into his back and then Sasuke's over him. Naruto resorts to twisting like a cat, bucking and heedless of the damage he's taking—anything to get Sasuke within biting or striking range—
But Sasuke still has his wrists and twists them and Naruto bites the inside of his cheek to keep from screaming. Through the pain Naruto hears him whisper, his voice is rough and strained.
"Still hung up on that, dobe? Why—?" Sasuke grunts, picking him up by the wrists and shaking him. A queer excitement darkens his voice, flushes his face. "You're the one who doesn't care!"
"What the fuck are you talking about—are you stupid?!" Naruto yanks a wrist free and somehow manages to get enough of his leg between them to shove the other away. "You said you wanted to!"
Sasuke doesn't let go even when his head thunks into the wooden cupboard door. There's a flash of motion and then a huge, wholloping pain in his face; Sasuke must have kicked him. There's a violent heave on his wrist and a sickening tilt and Naruto looks up past the hand around his throat to Sasuke's face. Sasuke's kneeling over him. Naruto bares his teeth instead of coughing for air and digs his nails into the muscle of the arm.
"I did," Sasuke says with a funny, absent little smirk. "So what?"
"So what?" Naruto spits. "So what!? Fuck you, Uchiha Sasuke! I hate you! Get off me so I can finish kicking your ass! Do you hear me, I hate you!"
There is speculation in his eyes, a dawning hard gleam that sends shivers down Naruto's back. He hasn't fought like this for almost three months—he isn't used to it. His body is numb and sore and he isn't even sure he'll manage the strength to last through Sasuke's little fit.
A knee between his thighs, a groin against his hip—something inside of him turns and twists at the thought—he can feel the quickness of Sasuke's heart against his arms. He can feel the rush of air as Sasuke tries to slow his breathing, the dampness of his breath. The pressure on his throat is distractingly tight and painful and it's all Naruto can do to keep from squirming, drawing blood with his hands. "If you hate me—" Sasuke hisses. "If you hate me so much—"
Sasuke's voice edges into a dangerous intensity. "—then why are you hard, Naruto?"
Naruto squeezes his eyes shut and turns his head away, but Sasuke isn't done. There is conquest in his voice and Naruto doesn't want to open his eyes to see the smirk. Don't tell him don't admit it–it'll go away—
"I'm not," Naruto rasps, struggling for breath. "There's a kunai in my pocket. Let go of me!"
"Liar!" Sasuke rages abruptly, body shifting painfully against him, hand tight until Naruto sees blotches on the edge of his vision. "Fucking liar—"
"I can't help it!" Naruto sucks in a breath, panicking, clawing at Sasuke's arm. "Dammit, stupid bastard, I can't!"
But Sasuke doesn't seem to be listening and Naruto tries kicking him just under the ribs with his knee as Sasuke grates against his ear, "—you can't hide it from me—I knew it I knew it—"
The pressure around his throat vanishes and he feels Sasuke slide up against him in a way that was almost familiar and he's so busy sucking in air that he can't even find the strength to deny the little burning heat that's spreading through his skin. Shame and need and heat and hatred mix and burn inside him and Sasuke's mouth is on his skin, he can feel his teeth—
"Don't," Naruto doesn't know how the words made it past his throat or how he pushed away his pride enough to whisper it. "Don't—"
"I knew you'd let me—" Sasuke says, biting him and Naruto hears himself give a choked little scream, bending his body up.
—and he does. He will. He wants it and doesn't want it but he doesn't think he can stop it. He knows this threshold, this sensation and Sasuke's hand is dragging up under his shirt, tugging at it, tearing it at the neckline in one smooth jerk.
Don't— I can't, I told you I can't help it—Sasuke don't—
There is a chime of sound as the crystal of necklace slides free, a sensation of movement that Naruto worries might be the result of a broken chain but it settles back against his neck and out of view—but he doesn't think Sasuke would even notice it because Sasuke—Sasuke is—
He's really going to—Naruto thinks with a belly full of coldness and listens to the harshness of their breathing. "Stop it Sasuke stop—" he hisses, wiggling for leverage and grabs Sasuke by the hair and drags, heaving, until Sasuke's looking down at him from the length of his shaking, extended arm.
"I won't," Sasuke breathes and Naruto can see the pulse in the line of his exposed throat. "I won't ever—"
Fingers squeeze his wrist but Naruto doesn't let go of the hair; he can't, he doesn't dare and Sasuke drops his weight a little in warning. Sasuke stares down at him, dark eyes furious and endless, wide and huge in his rage. In disdain. In something Naruto can't even begin to define.
But—
"Yeah, but you hate me, remember?" Naruto points out, wheezing, teeth bared. "All that shit you said—you think I'm gonna let you—just let you—"
"I lied," Sasuke's mouth twitches into a grin that shows the tips of his teeth; slowly, he rolls his hips against Naruto's erection.
—lied? his mind stutters. He lied? About—then he—and while his mind flips over it, Sasuke rubs up against him again, harder.
"Hnng—" is all Naruto can manage; the sensation of it, being conscious for it, is almost too much for Naruto to comprehend. It feels good and painful, drawing tight through his spine and through his middle. Naruto can feel the way Sasuke's stomach moves against his, the weight of his body and solid feel of Sasuke's arousal—
If he lied—lied he lied—why would he lie? Why would he do this?
Something inside of him must want it, he knows and thinks of red eyes and sharp teeth. But it can't be all the demon's fault; something inside of him reacts as his thoughts flash back to the clearing and the last time they saw each other, to Sasuke, to the half-remembered sensation of the first time, flashing right down to the pathetic mumble in the back of his head that goes he wants to he's the only one who will ever want to do it—
Would he want this if he hated me?
Sasuke uses his distraction to twist away from the hold on his hair, seizing the wrist and pushing it down, pushing him down and grinding against him. Above the rush of pleasure Naruto hears the huff of laughter through the parted mouth.
Then Sasuke leans back up on his knees, catching the bottom of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Naruto can only watch as Sasuke's body shows itself, drawing in a deep breath at the wildness in Sasuke's face, a crazy freefall he can see in the dark eyes when Sasuke stares down at him, harsh and sharp and beautiful.
Naruto can only watch, thinking when did this happen when did it start? and a shocked He took off his shirt!
With his forearm, Sasuke smears away the blood under his nose and watches, calculating, waiting. Their legs are tangled and it's bending his knee the wrong way to have Sasuke sit up like that but Naruto doesn't care. The blood is rushing in his ears and the excitement burns a hole through him; he doesn't want to stop and he can't stop looking at the paleness of Sasuke's skin and the curve of his muscles and bone and he doesn't care—
They crash together. Sasuke pushes him back down with an arm against his chest and the other moves the torn shirt out of the way; his teeth are set in the junction of his shoulder and the pain of it is wickedly sweet. Black hair falls in Naruto's face and he can taste blood and sweat and Sasuke when he inhales.
Naruto makes a sound high in his throat when Sasuke ruthlessly pushes his arms between their bodies, scraping bruises and tiny slivers. With three wrenching heaves, the waistband of his pants give way under Sasuke's hands and Naruto isn't sure if he's struggling there on the kitchen floor to help him get them off, or just struggling to feel the way Sasuke moves back against him.
He doesn't care. Sasuke lied—
Sasuke sets his teeth in a different place, higher, on the neck as his left arm braces his body. Sasuke's breathing is fast and shallow and he makes the strangest growl when Naruto bites him back, so Naruto does it again and again just to hear it. His head is spinning and he's so hot he can barely remember to take a breath. Between heartbeats he hears the sound of a zipper—
Sasuke! Naruto thinks hot and afraid and red-numb on the edges of his world. He has a dim impression of Sasuke's shorts bunched around his thighs and he wants to scream the name, wants to stop and doesn't, wants—incredibly, desperately wants—and he can't even bite down anymore. All he can manage is a clawing pull at the muscles of Sasuke's back when his knees are shoved apart and an arm pulls him up and pulls him closer. Now he can feel the wet, rigid erection pushing between his thighs and against his own sex—
—Sasuke what are we—god what are we doing?
—and Sasuke doesn't stop as Naruto knows he won't; the bluntness of his sex slicks down and Sasuke was really—they were really doing this and he tries to scream when Sasuke presses in, tries with all the breath left in his body because it hurts it hurts it hurts so much that Naruto can't even breathe.
Sasuke's head is lodged somehow against his shoulder; Naruto is keenly aware of the saliva sliding down his neck, the trembling that goes through Sasuke's body. The motions are making Naruto wince and his hands are shoving at Sasuke, trying to push him away somehow just like he's trying to breathe without crying.
"J-Just—just wait," Naruto hears himself gasp and doesn't remember what he's going to say, head lolling, heart pounding and dizzy with the pain and remnants of arousal; he's still hard and the heat in his stomach is spreading in waves and he almost feels sick with the way his body bends. The feeling of Sasuke is strange. It hurts. It doesn't hurt. It's Sasuke inside him, scraping teeth against his skin and sliding in and out and deeper with every breath.
The force of it shakes through him when Naruto stops trying to resist it, stops fighting it. He can't breathe deeply, can't move, can't speak and his legs are so wide he wonders why he isn't split in two—It aches and burns and Sasuke's parted mouth is warm against his body. He can hear the throaty carnal noises that Sasuke makes, low and hard to match the drive of his hips.
Deeper, as Sasuke makes a throaty whimper, and deeper still until Naruto realizes he's got one hand tangled up in Sasuke's hair again and when Sasuke moves in a way that Naruto's body knows, the pain of it is somehow less and worse than any other pain. Sasuke's belly slides against the rest of his erection, pale skin and warm flexing muscle.
Then Sasuke bites him again and he realizes that some of the noises are his, gaspy broken moans; Sasuke, lost in whatever gratification he's getting, is placing bite after bruising bite and Naruto can't help the shaking that pitches through him.
Don't, he wants to say, Don't. I don't—but Sasuke drags his mouth free and up Naruto's neck to the point just under his ear, mindlessly nudging at him, inhaling and thrusting on the exhale. Something shifts; he's not sure what—
It isn't really pain, any more and Sasuke's moving faster, deeper and Naruto tries holding his breath to see if the pain gets worse—but it doesn't. After the third minute of not-quite-pain a thin sense of arousal skims over him, quicker with each thrust, brighter when Sasuke mouths the bruises on his neck. He tries to inhale with Sasuke's hair clinging to his mouth and cheeks, brow furrowed, lifting his chin to try and catch his breath—Sasuke's tongue swipes across his pulse with the echoes of bitten-off gasp.
And it hits him. It hits him loose and hot and spread along his body, but he knows this feeling. He knows this heated thing—he doesn't know how when it still hurts and while it's one of the crappiest he's ever had, the pleasure's still there—
It sucks him under with a spasm that makes him curl up against Sasuke who puts an unexpected twist in his hips; it sweetens it and Naruto opens his mouth, there, voiceless as his orgasm unsnaps through him.
In the moment after it overtakes him, Naruto's aware of the violent, clumsy thrusts and the tension in Sasuke's body, the way he moves and breathes; Aware, he waits as Sasuke fucks him for the space of three shallow breaths, until he hears the urgent little noise as Sasuke slides into him again. Then again and it's breath number four—
Again and Naruto feels the tension change, feels it draw up through the muscles of the back, feels Sasuke shudder, hears it in the harsh "…mmnngh," that Sasuke suppresses against his throat. Naruto feels it as Sasuke's body shifts into a series of short, shallow little movements as if it didn't know it was supposed to stop—
But Sasuke does stop after a moment, heavy and gasping and Naruto lets his arms slide away. He doesn't want to be accused of trying to hug him or something; he hears them hit the floor. How the hell, Naruto's mind tries again, but he pushes it back and turns his head. He can feel the odd twitchy pulses from Sasuke's penis and swallows back the shame and the discomfort of it.
…when did this happen…ghosts through his head. Naruto doesn't want to look at Sasuke first thing after this so he stares at the cracked, white-painted walls and tries to breathe. He tries to ignore the weight above him and feeling the heartbeat of someone else, the way his breathing sounds and waits because it's all he can do.
The time it takes for Sasuke to finally move is longer than the actual length of their fuck. Naruto isn't keeping track, exactly, but he's aware of how quick it must have been, twisting from their fighting into fucking. He can understand not wanting to move—he doesn't want to, either, now that the gratification wears off and all of his bruises are pointing out their existence. It hurts even more to have Sasuke shift his hips and disengage—that feels super weird—before Sasuke pulls far enough away to glance down at him.
There's a dazed, disbelieving expression in his eyes and Naruto wonders what Sasuke must think if he thinks anything at all of this. Naruto blinks up at him, looking through his lashes without any expression of his own, just laying there as Sasuke adjusts his sticky limbs and moves a few inches back.
"Happy now?" Naruto finally asks out of the habit to fill any silence with words; his voice is hoarse. "Asshole."
The corner of his mouth twitches and Sasuke reaches down. Naruto tenses, but the touch of his fingers is brief, then the sound of his shirt ripping fills the silence between them.
"You know, I liked that shirt, jackass."
"Don't be stupid," Sasuke replies; he uses the piece of shirt to wipe the stickiness Naruto left on his stomach.
"What, don't be stupid 'cause you ripped my shirt? Please. Don't be an ass, Sasuke, how about that?" Naruto pauses. "I do have towels, you know." Naruto watches his hands as they move, the shine of fluid, watching as they move lower and begin the process of wiping away the rest. There is blood smeared on the lowest part of his belly and Naruto realizes it must be his and isn't really surprised.
"It was already ripped."
"…bastard." Naruto grunts, drops back to the dirty floor and tilts his head back. He watches a spider on the ceiling travel along a waterstain and remarks absently, "You ripped it in the first place."
"Hn. So? Get up."
"I'll get up when I stop hurting," Naruto tells him crossly and listens to the rustle of the shorts and the slide of the zipper.
Sasuke doesn't bother to say anything right away. Naruto can see the way his eyes flicker in his direction, calculating and it makes him feel all sorts of uncomfortable things, uneasy, hesitant things so he looks away. He wonders why, if Sasuke had planned it, wanted it—it seemed to happen too fast to stop—he wondered if Sasuke still hated him after doing this—
"Get up, dobe, so I can clean the floor and go home."
"Fuck off right through the window, bastard," Naruto tells him instead of hitting him like he wants to. It hurts to move and he's tired so he settles for a warning glare. Well at least I know he cares, a wisp of anger murmurs through him.
"Shut up," Naruto mutters when Sasuke gives him a measured glare. Carefully, slowly, painfully Naruto levers himself up until he's hunched over his legs and taking in the shattered ceramics on the floor, the smears of blood, the state of his body.
A faint ring of metal and Naruto glances up as Sasuke pulls out a kunai. He watches with narrow eyes as Sasuke twists, ignoring him, and draws the edge carefully along his arm. Blood smears and Sasuke wipes the blade on his shorts and does it again.
Pulling slivers out of his skin. Hah. Eat that, bastard, Naruto thinks, and smirks. He'd laugh, but he's afraid it might hurt to laugh. Instead, he searches for words, any words, to pull his mind from the growing uncertainty and settles on something that's been lurking in his head for the last month.
"Are you gonna get mad at me again?"
"What are you talking about, dobe?"
"The last time this happened you got pissed off. I figured, if you're gonna be mad, I might as well know because I have to deal with your bitchy ass, bastard."
Dark eyes glide to his and even if his hair is a mess and there's blood and spit and bruises on his skin, he still manages to look pretty—but Naruto doesn't think things like that. The eyes watch him for a moment, then Sasuke replies coolly, "…are you going to tell me what 'I can't help it' means?"
Shock flashes through his eyes and Sasuke can see it. Naruto watches him take it in and add it to whatever else he must be thinking of and Naruto shudders.
"No," he replies faintly. "I'm not telling you shit. I'm gonna go...clean up, or something."
Sasuke doesn't respond and Naruto doesn't look at him to see if he's watching. He grunts, rolling forward and grabbing the table to help him stand. It hurts to straighten, hurts to breath deeply, but it hurts worse when Sasuke doesn't reply. Naruto watches him without wanting to, waiting for the pain to pass enough to let him walk, a flicker of humiliation coloring the back of his neck as fluids slip down the inside of his leg.
—going to tell you? Tell you? How can I tell you when I don't even know what's happening—
To distract himself, he grabs at the chain of the necklace, wondering why he even put it on, and tugs it back to the proper position. He folds his fingers around it for a moment and doesn't notice the sharp glance Sasuke gives without stopping.
"You'll have to tell me sometime," Sasuke says without warning.
"Yeah?" Naruto mutters without looking. "Well, maybe next time you'll pick a better place to fuck, Uchiha."
"…next time?"
Flushing, Naruto can picture the stupid arrogant satisfaction in Sasuke's face. Angry more with himself, Naruto gives him a five-second view of his middle finger and glares. Sasuke is smirking at him before looking away to draw out the rest of his slivers.
Scowling, Naruto pushes all thoughts of pride away and manages to put one foot in front of the other, making his way out of the kitchen. He knows if he looks back he'd see the drops of blood and semen on the floor trailing him or the results of their fighting and fucking strewn over the kitchen.
Holy shit. It really happened. It did. I let him—
If he looks back, he'd see Sasuke still sitting there, shirtless and bloody and smirking—
The dizziness hits him just before he gets to the bathroom; a part of him hopes it's far enough away that Sasuke won't notice. Naruto can feel his legs shaking and he has to hang on the door to catch his breath.
I let him. I let him—
I let him do it because I wanted to. Just like he said, Naruto stumbles as he's shutting the door behind him and catches himself on the sink. Just like he wanted it too.
But I won't tell him. I wanted it enough so it's my fault too and I don't care if he hates me…I can't tell him. I can't.
Naruto looks up from the view of his hands white-knuckled on the porcelain, up until he can see his bruised, blood-smeared face. He looks at himself, blond hair and blue eyes and whiskered cheeks and wonders how this ever happened—he's just a bratty, loud-mouthed boy—and Sasuke, if Sasuke—
If he finds out if he knows—Naruto closes his eyes before the tears come. I'll die if he ever looks at me like everyone else.